MOMania

By CherylS

June 3, 2008 7:36 AM | Link to this

If a man (or woman) is a cheater, he’ll cheat regardless of how much sex he is getting at home and how happy he is with his home life. It’s a charcater flaw, that’s all.

By Chris

June 3, 2008 7:37 AM | Link to this

Frequent, exciting sex keeps me from looking. Since 1984 only one woman has been in my bed. I Plan to keep it that way. You take care of her needs she takes care of yours. IMO

By Chris

June 3, 2008 7:40 AM | Link to this

I think some men will cheat no matter what. I feel those men have low self-esteem and feel more manly when they are with more women. which is actually the oposite.

By Mama Mia

June 3, 2008 7:53 AM | Link to this

Are you kidding…a cheater is a cheater…it is about an unfilled lust and power desire, not about the sexual act. A cheater will cheat with a prostitute, a stripper or a one night stand. Does that sound like they need love? Call it what it is…SIN!

By P

June 3, 2008 7:58 AM | Link to this

I thank for sum men if their woman would have sex eith them on a regular then they wouldnt have to go elsewhere looking for it but that dont work for every man are woman but eventually it will happen if the sex stops rather you a man are woman because everyone wants to be pleased

By Brian

June 3, 2008 7:59 AM | Link to this

Yes! Women take some notes today.. It prevents me from having the wondering eye.. If Im full at home, why would I need to go out for snacks?

By Baby Cakes

June 3, 2008 8:01 AM | Link to this

Did you know that cheating is a mental disorder? It is the inability to be faithful and monogamous. Something is wrong in the brain.Sometimes it runs in familes…like a bad gene. His granddaddy did it…his daddy did it…and now he did it…so, poor thing…he can’t help it!

By Jesse's Girl

June 3, 2008 8:07 AM | Link to this

There are men who cheat simply because they can…it gives them an ego boost. Then you have the women who consider themselves duty-bound to conquer a married man…I think a lot of men fall prey to this one. They aren’t looking, hadn’t even thought about it, and bam! Its gift-wrapped and in their laps…pun intended. Regardless of why men choose to cheat…because in the end guys, its a definite choice…it sucks butt. I think men are almost excused to a certain extent because they are men and are just wired that way. Some men may indeed be. But I think most have the mental capacity to evaluate a situation and determine whether or not they should high-tail it outa there! Men are not stupid, club carrying cave men! So while I believe that regular, exciting sex is a must in any healthy marriage….saying it keeps them from straying is tatamount to excusing it in my book. Its a choice.

That goes for both. Women cannot cling to the reasoning of…”I’m not getting enough attention and affection at home!” Bull! If thats the case…then speak up! If nothing improves after honest communication…separate! I have seen 5 marriages disolve miserably after an affair. Regardless of who does the cheating, its horrible and very difficult to overcome. Its a choice. If one of you is unfulfilled…say somehthing. Unless of course you are one of these unfortunate twits whose life is defined by the number of men/women you bag….then you’re just pathetic and deserve everything that comes your way!!!

By Jesse's Girl

June 3, 2008 8:10 AM | Link to this

@ P….use some flippin’ punctuation please! That was downright painful.

By Caribbean

June 3, 2008 8:15 AM | Link to this

A cheater is a cheater. A person has to admit to themselves that if they choose to be with a cheater that they might actually be cheated upon. The only way to solve a cheater from cheating is if the cheater wants help. If that person does not want help you have two options 1. Leave them alone 2. Just be prepared for them to cheat.

By Jeff

June 3, 2008 8:26 AM | Link to this

When you have to beg for sex and she doesn’t seem concerned about meeting a need that is important to you, then yes, I’ll go elsewhere. But I’ll break up with her first. If you weren’t meeting her needs in some department, everyone would understand her having that particular need met elsewhere.

By Kelly

June 3, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this

Cheating, just like everything in life, is a choice. People are too quick to blame it on genes or a spouse. Its easier to pass blame than to admit a sinful lack of control, or addiction. Humans have a control over their desires, animals don’t.

By LM

June 3, 2008 8:36 AM | Link to this

P It took awhile to understand what you were trying to say. Maybe if you had read your post before clicking the “Post” button you might have seen some of your errors.

As for cheating, some men & women don’t have enough self-esteem to not cheat. I don’t think lack of sex will cause someone to stray.

My own personal experience has shown me that even though I have been in a sexless relationship for over 6 years and we are not married, I don’t have to cheat to feel like a woman. I have suffered emotional pain due to the sexless relationship and there have been times I have considered looking outside our relationship, but I have grown to understand I Love this man for many different reasons and if I end up spending the rest of my life in a sexless relationship then so be it. There are many different ways to show love for someone, granted sex is a fun way to show love, but it is not the only way. We have had many talks about our situation and my frustration and pain it has caused. However, we are still in a sexless relationship.

By Jeff

June 3, 2008 8:42 AM | Link to this

I seem to remember a few years back that women were having self esteem issues. Based on the ones I’ve met recently, that issue has been resolved. Matter of fact, a little humility seems to be in order.

By 'Nuff Said

June 3, 2008 8:42 AM | Link to this

What makes him cheat? HER!

By lovelyliz

June 3, 2008 8:45 AM | Link to this

I think men cheat when the risks outweigh the consequences.

By mikem

June 3, 2008 8:47 AM | Link to this

Too many of you ignorant uneducated folks talk about sin and the bible but not science. Human males are genetically engineered to mate with as many partners as possible… We want to spread our genes. So, more sex at home does not constitute a man not cheating.

By lovelyliz

June 3, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this

As far as regular sex goes, I’ve known women who gave it whenever and however and he still cheated.

By tonyac

June 3, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this

Not always, but many times yes. I know quite a few men who have talked to their wives regarding this subject but the wife disregarded his feelings on the matter. The reasons why people cheat are sometimes more complicated than meets the eye.

By THE MEOL

June 3, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this

Too bad this topic came when im in training the whole day….if u become too comfortable as a woman and dont do those things u used to do, dnt take care of self and body,i will cheat!!Treat me like a king and give me the royal treatment in bed,i will stay.Im sure some women feel the same way. That lady in sex and the city that was cheated on by steve, she deserved it!! How can she deny him sex and on top of that, she maintains an Amazon forest by her sweet spot(sour)…who will find romance there, of all places.Ladies keep it trim,clean and fresh and i will keep coming for more!!! Aint that right Sunshine? Mamba i saw ur comment on that yesterday and disagree strongly with u.That woman needs some re-training on sex and etiquette in bed! Check in on my break…have a nice day yall!!

By Henry's Dad

June 3, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this

Nice premise: Men Cheat. You assume only men cheat and that all men cheat? And the only way to prevent us from cheating is for women to provide the most basic primal instinct, sex (besides food and shelter). No, we are not capable of processing the intricate dynamics of a committed relationship and making ethical, responsible decisions based on simply whats right or wrong. No, as we drag our knuckles, we depend on you to provide ample amount of sex so that our feeble little minds have enough pleasure input and we dont look elsewhere. Who wrote this premise? sounds like an angry, closeted, lesbian! If he (or she) is going to cheat, you can give it up all you want, thats not going to stop them.

By Jesse's Girl

June 3, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

I love the mentality that if women don’t cater to his every sexual need that he WILL FIND ELSEWHERE. Perhaps some men aren’t as evolved as I thought. My 5 year old has more maturity….

By Sharon

June 3, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

You are too funny! I was thinking the same thing. FUNNY

By FCM

June 3, 2008 9:08 AM | Link to this

I think that yes if you are not having sex at least once a week or so something is wrong with the relationship period. Certainly the idea to look elsewhere (even if you don’t act on it) will occur if the intimacy in and out of the bed is not there.

Flip side….what if the sex is amazing, but the relationship feels like just more than a booty call? How do you repair that?

By Jeff

June 3, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

First couple of “Jeff”s weren’t me, btw. (Regular Jeff here)

ANYWAYS: There are SOOOO many factors that go into sex that it isn’t even funny, and I’m learning that this is on both the male and female side!

Will it keep a man from cheating? As has been noted, it really depends on the man.

It also depends on the type of sex. If he’s getting one thing but wants something else as well, he may feel he has to cheat to get that other thing, particularly if he has talked to you about it before and you made it clear that this other thing was NOT going to happen.

But let me flip the tables and speak on women and emotional cheating. It happens exactly the same way, and for the same reasons, and is JUST as deadly, if not moreso, than the male’s proclivity for sexual cheating.

Going back to the fact that it may be the TYPE of sex the man is getting: It could be the TYPE of love the woman is getting. If she’s more accustomed to Nicholas Sparks level romance and wants it every day and is not getting it, she will look for it. Or if her flavor of love is more adventurous and you are more of a home-body, vanilla type guy, she’s going to be intrigued by those ‘dangerous’ type men.

In either case, different sides of the same coin. Not necessarily that ENOUGH isn’t being given so much as the right TYPE isn’t being given…

By Sugar

June 3, 2008 9:10 AM | Link to this

Exactly what part of your marital vows was sex is a must? What happened to love honor & cherish, through thickness & thin, sicknes & health, till DEATH????

Men, ever thought about taking care of your woman?

By Scorn

June 3, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

I believe cheating is an addiction. There is something wrong with people who do it to begin with. You either are a cheater or your not. Unfortunately opposites attract and most of us end up married to an addict.

By The One

June 3, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

I guess i can say i am a cheater. I’ve never been faithful in a relationship even with good sex. But i do tell a guy before i get with about me always cheating…So it dosen’t matter if the sex is good! I love it!

By Kelly

June 3, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

We are flooded with images on tv, mags., movies, etc. and brainwashed into thinking that is the most important thing in life, and without it we’ll die. Most people these days buy into that lie. Whatever feels good, do it. People don’t even consider the promises they have made, and living up to those vows. Also, a marriage without is definately a symptom of a larger problem. It is neccesary to cement that bond. However, do you really think that a woman having with her husband to try to prevent him from cheating is doing herself or him a favor? If so, she is also buying into that lie, and taking on his sin as her fault, enabling him to stay addicted. Not to say that she shouldn’t be taking care of his needs. She should take care of him in reasonable frequency, out of love.

By Brian

June 3, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

It goes both ways, I guess. I would love sex everyday but I also understand, that I need to wine and dine and keep things fresh and new. If you are doing this and you are still not getting it like u want. 1. She maybe tip toeing her way into another bed, or 2. You are not putting in work, like you need too. Which leads her to tip toeing out.

By Sunshine

June 3, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

People cheat because they want to, they don’t need a reason…they just do it

By Theresa

June 3, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

I love that Jeff wrote regular Jeff —

By Always Wondering

June 3, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

Interesting topic. I have always wondered why “seemingly” happy couples cheat. I believe men cheat more than women, but women are getting very good at it. One’s ego is a major factor in cheating along w/being unhappy and unfilled at home. The mere concept of being “risky” is a turn on for a lot of folk. When one’s needs are not being met nor even considered at home it’s only a matter of time before someone is knocking thighs and locking lips with some other than their spouse.

By James

June 3, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this

No one makes a man cheats, he does so on his own. I suppose with some guys it’s just the way they are. However, with this said there are factors in a marriage that could possibly make a man entertain such thoughts when normally he shouldn’t. Be his wife, not his mother. Be his wife and not just the mother of his kids. He stills wants to see you as something sexy and something he wants. he wants you to find him sexy too. He doesn’t want a professional mom 24/7, he wants a wife too. When you stop believing in your own personal sexuality and stop thinking in terms of being his wife along with being his partner and the mother of his kids, you could possibly open the doors up for a man entertaining thoughts he knws he really shouldn’t have. Stop thinking you have to have the body you had at seventeen, we don’t expect that. You don’t have to look as if you walked of the Oprah show with a make-over to be sexy. You have no idea how sexy we still find you. Let your hair down, enjoy the bedroom. We had a mother already, we don’t need another one.

By lovelyliz

June 3, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

My sister’s ex-husband like many, many men suffers from this horrible disease. It’s known as the grass is always greener syndrome.

Men who suffer from this have no choice but to cheat on their woman because she never measures up to what his memory says he had in the past and the perfect woman who is out there just waiting to throw herself at him. You know this women when you see her. She’s pretty than his wife. She’s skinnier. She’s sexier. She’s ready, willing and able to give him the kind of sexual pleasure he’s sure he’s never gotten from his wife and that it’s all her fault. She never asks him to pay any bills or do any chores and she thinks he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.

By Sandy_G

June 3, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

For many men, having sex with their wife is the most straightforward way they have of expressing intimacy. Without intimacy in a relationship, a man can begin to feel more like a roomate than a husband.

That said, I think for someone who cheats (male or female) it’s less about the sex than it is about having an intimate relationship with someone who is excited to see you, doesn’t greet you at the end of the day with a laundry list of complaints and problems, isn’t exhausted from caring for children and the house, etc. A cheater is someone who rather than embracing the challenges of marriage and family and working to survive the rough times and celebrate the good times, they simply check out emotionally and go find a fantasy relationship with no “real life” baggage or issues.

It’s kind of like the person that trades in their car for a new model every year rather than spend time and money on upkeep and maintenance. Yeah, they have a shiny new, trouble-free ride, but it doesn’t keep them from getting older and the cost is huge.

I think cheaters will always cheat, not because of physical urges, but because emotionally, they just want an escape from reality.

That said, sex is an enormously important component in a marriage. Without it, the marriage and the relationship will most certainly suffer, and sometimes, the damage is permanent. So don’t have sex with your husband as a preventative measure, have it because you want a better marriage, better relationship and better life. The best thing you will ever do for your kids, is to love their Dad.

By Double Dee

June 3, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

I just found out that I am with a cheater! I’ve given him good regular sex….it does not matter about quality or quantity…he’s about to loose a good woman, cause he ain’t ready for one!

By jimbo

June 3, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

It may not say sex is a part of marriage in the vows but failure to consummate marriage or procreate is one of a very few reasons the catholics will let you annul a marriage. Obviously even THEY know it’s important on some level.

By Stacey

June 3, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

One person or another has hit on all of my points so I will just summarize my thoughts on the subject. I agree that both men and women cheat but I think it is often for different reasons. I think whether or not person continues to cheat depends on the reason they did it in the first place.

I have never cheated but I have been cheated on. He had an ongoing affair with someone we both knew and who was known to sleep with married men. The reasons I was given ranged from “it just happened” to “she seduced me” to “I was bored at home”. I honestly believe that he did it because he could. Though I chose to forgive him and stick it out, I can’t deny thinking that it may happen again. I thought about sleeping with someone to get back at him but I knew that I would be no better than him if I did. I respect myself too much and love him too much to go through with it.

By Thor

June 3, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

Men who cheat are scum buckets; women who cheat are evil.

I’ve seen too many “Mommies” who just let themselves go after giving birth. Either their figure turns into the shape of a 55 gl drum or they just have this stupid non-sexy “Mom-look” with an outdated hair style, wash-n-wear clothes, granny panties, driving the loser cruiser mini van. Nobody in their right mind would have carnal knowledge with a woman that has totally become a “Mom” - its gross!

Men who cheat are scum buckets; at least the Mom is taking care of the kids. Men are the worst and women who take them back are crazy.

Ladies, if he cheats - cut it off. Men, don’t let your wife look like Mommy 101.

By Jeff

June 3, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

Theresa:

Glad you got a kick out of the ‘Regular Jeff’ thing.

This topic makes a certain Clay Walker song stay in my head. And it was actually a GREAT song live at Country Fair….

Then What.

By Charlie

June 3, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

I was married to a woman for 15 years who I was devoted and faithful to. For the first 13 years of the marriage, especially in the first five years, I wanted sex much more frequently then she did. She told me “your just more sexual than I am”. I got tired of begging for it so I gave up and decided to let her tell me when she wanted it. She ended up having an affair claiming I didn’t make her feel desirable anymore. What she wanted, was the adulation not the sex.

Saying men are the primary cheaters is a fallacy. Women cheat just as much and are equally the instigators. This whole question the author is asking is biased against men. Statistics (Phsycology Today) show women are just as likely to cheat as men these days. The question should be “Will regular sex keep a man, or a woman from cheating”.

As for the reader who cited emotional cheating by women, you are absolutely right. Women who betray the confidence of their man by engaging in emotional relationships with other men are just as guilty as if they were having sex with them.

Men understand the physical act of sex. What they don’t understand is how a woman could give themselves emotionally to another man and call it harmless and innocent when it is the ultimate insult to a man’s self-esteem.

Both sexes are equally to blame for our predicament! Men started it, yes…but women are right their with them now.

By Some Other Guy

June 3, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

I’ve always believed that infidelity is more often a problem of a lack of respect. When a man is not feeling respect from his partner, he will be vulnerable to someone willing to give it to him elsewhere. However, I think sex can be a physical act of respect, or disrespect even. The old “sure we can have sex, as long as I don’t have to move” is not showing respect to a husband, and does not keep him from seeking that respect elsewhere.

By nurse&mother

June 3, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

I love it when (some) men use the biology excuse. While there may be a predisposition, don’t use that as a reason to stray. Having an affair is a conscious choice. Don’t let anything/anyone fool you.

I do think that when one strays it can signal a problem in the relationship, but like others have mentioned, speak up! If/when you speak up and nothing changes, then end the relationship.

By Thor

June 3, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

Ladies cannot go wrong if they model themselves to become a MILF!

By FCM

June 3, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

@ Brian,

thank you for pt. 2. 2. You are not putting in work, like you need too. Which leads her to tip toeing out.

I began dating again about a year ago. However, I seem to have a ‘type’ the ones who take you for granted???? I am starting to hear “He just isn’t that into you!” (A SATC item soon to be a movie with Jennifer Anniston) in the comments I get from my ‘friend’: “I have to be up early tomorrow, some of us have jobs. I have plans tonight to play tennis, I need to stay in shape. Gas cost to much.” WTF??? (excuse my lingo). I mean if he were to put forth the effort instead of making me feel like his spare moment, then I would be more than willing to tear his clothes off the minute he walks in the door…While I do not see myself as Samantha (the many partners thing)….I do like to color..and honestly the particular guy I am talking about knows how to color outside the lines.

By Been There

June 3, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

Cheating isn’t always just about sex. Sometimes it’s about emotional intimacy as well. Regular emotional intimacy might be just as or even more important than regular sex.

By J P

June 3, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

I have been married 18 years and only thought of cheating once. In my 8th year of marriage my wife was suffering from depression and did not know. Our sex life was down to her endurring it every other week to shut me up. I went as far as having a prostitute in my vehicle talking about $$ and I chickened out. I know that I cheated in my heart but not wiyh my body. My wife had made the comment “I don’t care if we ever have sex again” I was and had always tried to meet her needs in bed and keep it fresh, but after that statement I got tired of trying. I’m glad to say that it’s better now(still not as frequent as I would like) but after I told her Dr. what was going on, he started looking for a reason why she felt the way she did. I’m glad I remembered my vows that I would be “Faithful and True” that morning. I did tell her what I did two years later and she said she wouldn’t have liked it, but also couldn’t blamed me.

By GaNative

June 3, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

I cheat because she does not fulfill my needs. I’ve talked to her about it, but she ignores me based on her religious thinking. When we were dating I respected her desire to remain a virgin. After we married, I found out that I had made a big mistake. She doesn’t believe in anything oral because she thinks God doesn’t approve of it. She claims that oral sex came from Gays. So I cheat and have no ill fellings or regrets about it.

By JJ

June 3, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

GaNative WHY do you stay married to this woman?

By lovelyliz

June 3, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

The irony of my sister’s divorce is that she is now good friends with her ex-husband’s high school/college sweetheart.

He cheated o her too.

By Jeff

June 3, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

Native:

That is exactly the thing I was talking about in regards to ‘types’.

Fortunately for me, T and I are mostly on the same wavelength - out of phase on a couple of items in either direction, but largely our interests are mutual.

But I do know of couples such as you where one is far more hesitant about certain things than the other, and that NEVER works out with good results!

By Judy

June 3, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

No. My dad cheated on my mom when they were dating and continued while they were married. While my mom was a typical mom (she didn’t wear trashy clothes, hang out at bars, or flirt with other men), from what she has said their sex life was active. As an adult, I can see that my dad was looking for something (self esteem) but instead of looking inward for that something - he looked to get it from someone else. When he finally left my mom (I was 20) and married someone else, he was completely shocked that this new life wasn’t perfect either. I think at that point it dawned on him that he had caused so much havoc to his family because he was looking for something that wasn’t out there.

It is easy to cheat - no ties, no irritation about someone not picking up their dirty clothes, bills, issues with kids - it is pure focus on the two of you and sex.
Unfortunately, if this relationship continues all those things will creep in. No relationship is perfect and the benefit to a relationship is sticking with it - through good and rough times.

By h

June 3, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

To Thor: You are a pig. Number one, if you LOVE your wife, you will find her desireable at any size, shape, etc. Sex is not just about looks you know. Not in marriage anyway. I agree thta one wouldn’t want a stripper or prostitute that looked frumpy, but that is paid sex, not love. Second, men can also look like a 55 gallon oil drum, and wear crappy clothes and have ugly hair. Yet, we as women are supposed to fall all over you and put out for you and make you feel like real men? nice double standard.

I am not advocating that we shouldn’t look nice for our partners. But comments like the ones Thor made just reinforce the image that if a woman is not sexy enough her man will stray. Come on men, prove to us that you are more than a walking ball of testosterone with no feelings or brains. If we wanted that, we would have married a vibrator.

By Need2Beout

June 3, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this

Reason why I cheat is because my woman won’t give me none! UMHM I like to kiss and do it all the time. When she goes out of town for the weekends I go out to make up sex with other womensesesssses!

By Quez

June 3, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

If there were fewer gays in this world I wouldnt be tempted to get with all these hot chicks that are left unattened! I feel there is a duty to help out those ladies that need it and cant get it! And it’s fun to milk a cow when your heffer is low on milk!

By Queen

June 3, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Some women want love, great sex and the choir boy all rolled into one. Not realistic. Try to find some happy medium and be happy. Life is too short.

Marriage is a journey. Those who take it should be committed. There is no way to justify cheating. If you can’t complete the trip, don’t get on the plane.

By GaNative

June 3, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

JJ, you asked why do I stay? Well I stay because I chose her as my life long partner. Although it hasn’t worked out like I thought it would, I’m still committed to that. We’ve raised all the kids to adulthood. She was a stay at home mom for over twenty some odd years to raise out kids. If I leave her, how will she survive? She has no pension or retirement, I have it all.

By Publicenemynumberone

June 3, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

I like turtles.

By Marc

June 3, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

I am always amused at the comments from people assuming that only men are the “cheaters”. Quick research anyone can do online prooves that more divorces occur in the US due to adultery by the WIFE than by the husband. If you mean out of wedlock males… then ladies, if you sleep with a guy whose name you don’t share then you get what you get… and so does he. Dont think for a minute men don’t get used for sex in today’s world. But good sex at home, that’s tied to a larger issue; a good relationship. And couples who have a good relationship that is NOT based solely on sex yet includes good sex… will last and not be broken by adultery.

By The Truth

June 3, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

It’s simple. A female will say that a cheater will cheat regardless. A male will tell you the truth in the matter. If you withold it from your man when he wants it he will get it from someone else eventually. It is just the way it is. You don’t like it, don’t complain about it or get married. There are just some things that need to be accepted about males. You can’t change it.

By Always Wondering

June 3, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

JP, I was like your wife many years ago. I was married for 12.5 years and divorced now for 1.5 years. I lost respect for my husband because he was lazy and let the survival of the family (one child) rests solely upon my shoulders. His attitude was if he didn’t take care of whatever needed taking care of he knew I would. When you lose respect you definitely lose the sexual desire to please. I knew I didn’t want another baby with this man so I too shut down. Physically, I kept myself up, air done (did it myself), stayed slim, cooked everynight, etc. It wasn’t until I got a hysterectomy that I felt better. Knowing that I couldn’t get pregnant took a lot of weight off my shoulders. I too went to a doctor and counseling ALONE…long story short I am a blissfully happy divorcee!!! It’s not always about the sexual act itself but more importantly what leads up getting between the sheets. I didn’t have that and chose not to continue to live like that (not just because of the sex). For those of you who do, more power to you!

By Thor

June 3, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

Women are naive if you think your husband is going to unconditionally love you no matter what you look like. Please, get real. If you let yourself morph into one of these dumpy “Moms” that no normal man would want to lie beside, he’s going to get tired of looking at you with stains on your shirt or wearing a scruntchy in your hair when you copulate. Moms forget how wild they were 20 years ago in Panama City after a funnel contest (bless you ladies, for you forget too often how wonderfully nasty you were prior to childbirth). Now its all about the Wiggles, PTA, soccer or the air conditioned seats in your mini van to cool that big booty. I don’t think any man has uttered the words, “Baby, you’re too freaky for me” - good advice for Moms to remember. Be a MILF!

By GM31

June 3, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

There are some cheaters who will cheat regardless of the situation, to be sure.

Then again, if you are a woman who cuts all her hair off, scarfs down twinkies, and loses interest in regular sex, well, you have nobody to blame but yourself when he strays (and he will).

Regarding the “why don’t you just leave her” question: if you are a man with kids, you likely can’t AFFORD to get a divorce, under GA laws. Many men just don’t want to be faced with a miserable custody/financial situation for many years to come.

By Simple

June 3, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

It’s all about having a different feeling. A different physical feeling. About feeling something different. Period.

By Double Dee

June 3, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

Thor - can’t wait until your sexy, beautiful, nympo MLF cheats on your A—! KARMA

By JSP

June 3, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

Marc, is it possible that the divorce due to adultery by women numbers are not a completely clear picture? Perhaps the women are more forgiving and the adultery doesn’t end in divorce as often when the man has done the cheating? Just a thought.

There are many intriguing and thought provoking opinions on today’s topic.

By Thor

June 3, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

To Double Dee: I will leave her in a New York minute if she baloons or ever forgets how nasty he was and IS. I suggest you get your freak on and keep Hubby happy at home! Stop by Insurrection and buy $200 bucks worth of every type of electronic component and blow his mind tonight!

Good luck - you’ll need it.

By Jack Mehoff

June 3, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

Sandy_G had the best response of all.

I would like to also say this from a man’s point of view.

Picture that “lover” in 10 years after she cheats with you.

I had an affair with another woman who was younger and more exciting. The sex was great but like Sandy said it was all fantasy. Soon the real world comes crashing in on you.

My wife and I worked it out. We made the choice not for kids or security. I made the choice that spending the rest of time with my soul mate was more important than great sex.

My wife was never as good in bed than my former lover. But my wife is better in everything else.

My former lover? She went back to her husband and got divorced a few years later. I seen her a year or so ago for the first time in 10 years. She had gotten FAT as a pig. That sexy youthful lover who drove me nuts and away from my family had become a couch slug with a deer in the headlight stare.

Remember the grass is always greener.. Over the septic tank

By h

June 3, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

Thor - Hopefully she reads this blog. Then she can leave your sorry A** in a “New York Minute”.

BTW - I am not naive that i believe my husband loves me at any look or size. I am not as trim as I once was, but he has no problem getting his freak on so to speak. He has never cheated and never will because he is a real man, not a brain-dead, sexist, parasite like you. I feel sorry for your wife.

By Been There Too

June 3, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this

I’ve been on both sides of that coin; my ex husband cheated on me & i’ve been seeing a cheater now for 4 years. Having said that, the same reasons my ex cheated on me is why my cheater is cheating too. I learned a hard lesson; married couples have to care enough about each other to WORK at it. If you’re not having sex with your spouse that’s a symptom of far greater problems, and those problems are why he’s stepping out on you, ladies, not just the lack of sex. Oh, and by the way you can have lots of sex as some of you say, but what’s the quality? Are you into it & him, or are you checking your watch over your shoulder waiting for him to be “done”? Go ahead and let yourself go like Thor said, be a nag, be a mom and not a wife, and heaven forbid you get fun and freaky in bed. The sex is the symptom, not the problem itself…goes much deeper. Have a nice day everyone!

By JJ

June 3, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

GaNative I applaud you for staying in the marriage. Too bad more MEN aren’t like you. Willing to stay in for the long haul. Kudos to you!!!

By Jenay

June 3, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

I can’t believe this discussion, the bottom line, cheating is a choice. I have been on both sides of the fence, cheated and got cheated on. In both instances, lack of sex was not the problem. People need to be honest with themselves and realize that if you are not happy in the relationship, then voice your feelings to your partner, be mature about the situation. Most cheat when there is something lacking within the relationship that needs to be satisfied in order to reach fulfillment. In most cases cheating will not solve that problem, but will only lead to more. I can’t stand it when people say that all men cheat due to something genenic or having to do with with the fact that they are male. That is bull, not all men cheat, there are some good ones out there that feel that a few moments of pleasure is not worth the risk of losing someone you truly love. People wake up and own up to you mistakes, cheating is not excusable under any terms because it can be prevented through a little communication and if you feel like you have to cheat, leave that person alone and give them the opportunity to be with someone faithful and selfless.

By Thor

June 3, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

If more women would do a Loraina Bobbit, less cheating would happen….

By Cheater?

June 3, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this

I think cheating always has something to do with emotional needs and physical attraction of course. I’ve been married for a few years and I am no longer attracted to my husband nor did he take care of my emtoional needs as I did his. When that attraction is gone, prepare to let go of the relationship or cheat. As I have come to grips with my failing marriage, I don’t feel guilty or fault myself for cheating… I fault myself for staying in a marriage that should have ended a long time ago. You only live once and I refuse to let a man (and his cheating ways), a job, or my kids stress me out and kill me.

By Pretty87

June 3, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this

Always Wondering…I am in the same boat as you: Married for 11.5 years, two sons - divorced now for 2 months. Husband didn’t put forth much effort for me or our family. He allowed too much to rest on my shoulders and he was absent, as far as support (physical, emotional, financial too). I enjoy sex “often,” but began having “male issues,” but didn’t want to man up and take the little blue pills to rectify the situation. So, I cheated…bad, I know, but I did it. Because I didn’t want to do so any longer, I divorced him. He never knew about the cheating…

By Take the blue pill

June 3, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

Pretty87:

The little blue pills only mask other issues.

Trust me, I have some experience in the arena. It could be a variety of things from him being too out of shape to maybe he’s simply too stressed out. (Or it could be with you as well… maybe you don’t look as good as you did at 18, and it matters to him.)

By GaNative

June 3, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this

Regular Sex Regular Sex for my wife is flat on her back. Any other way God does not approve. I’ve completely given up on her as far as satisfying me sexually. She has her family thinking I’m dayum near suffering from erectile dysfunction. She doesn’t realize she needs to be more creative in bed. I don’t need viagra or cialis, I just need a partner that’s creative and has no inhibitions.

By JSP

June 3, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this

GaNative, I’m just curious, is your wife aware that you go outside the marriage? And at the risk of being nosey, how often?

By FCM

June 3, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

GANative….I got news for you…he can decide to just lay there and let you have your way with him….It takes two people working at it to make any relationship including sex one that is fun.

By BigMike

June 3, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

Speaking of which, any women up for a little nookie this afternoon before I head home to the wife?

By GaNative

June 3, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this

JSP, she’s either aware or in denial. I mean we have sex maybe once a month and sometimes it goes to two months. So I don’t see how she could figure I’m not getting it somewhere else.

By .

June 3, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

Nice way to expose your wife to all those disease, GaNative. What a guy.

By Jesse's Girl

June 3, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this

Our church just finished a 4 week sermon/study on marriage. The “sum-up” was the following…

An irresitible woman understands her husband’s needs 1…Sexual Fulfillment

2…Recreational Companionship

3…An Attractive Spouse

4…Domestic Support

5…My Admiration

The irresistible man understands his wife’s needs

1…Gives affection to his wife

2…Makes conversation with his wife

3…Is open and honest with his wife

4…Provides Financial Support

5…Is committed to his family

Sex is a man’s way to communicate just about everything emotionally to his wife. Sex comes for us women when all of our emotional needs are being met! Meeting in the middle….compromise…thats all we need. Read 1Corinthians 7:3

By FCM

June 3, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

@Theresa: The way the idea was presented in the movie…I sided with Steve a bit. I mean, I don’t think he should have stepped out…but I still seemed to be on his side. You know? Especially after Miranda’s ‘comment’….I don’t want to give away the movie here.

By oh no.

June 3, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

please dont give away the movie.

let me guess, someone is in a relationship, its not working. cosmos/martinis are consumed, ridiculously expensive shoes/handbags are purchased, and then they get back together and all is well in the end?

By JJ

June 3, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

NO NO NO, don’t spoil the movie, I’m going to see it Thursday night…..

By GaNative

June 3, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

My wife will not go with me to see the movie. She thinks the characters of Sex and the City are sinful slutty women. Everytime she catches me watching their show on TV she gets upset.

By FCM

June 3, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

JJ & oh no

I said I was not giving away the movie…The one part I mentioned is the part being discussed and was mentioned somewhere in the AJC prior to my seeing it this weekend.

I have given a couple of oneliners that won’t give away the show.

I do want you to enjoy the movie…bring Ben and Jerry’s.

By Stuck with it

June 3, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this

My husband seems to go out of his way to cause a confrontation, constantly criticizes my kids and everybody else, wants me to applaud if he does the dishes, doesn’t do anything I ask him to do and then wonders why I don’t feel a connection to him. Maybe because everything seems to BE about him. I feel like sex is just one more responsibility I have toward him.

By Jesse's Girl

June 3, 2008 3:05 PM | Link to this

Stuck with it…..I feel terribly for you. That is no way to live. Have you tried counceling?

By Sugar

June 3, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

A real MAN honors his committments and sticks it out, through thick and thin.

A cowardly man runs away.

By Theresa

June 3, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

we’re giving everyone another weekend to see the movie and then we may be discussing the next week— maybe we’ll take quick poll next week to see if everyone is ready — I really am interested in hearing what you guys think about the presentation of the relationships and the issues discussed

By Stuck with it

June 3, 2008 3:17 PM | Link to this

Jesse’s Girl - I have asked for counseling. He says he doesn’t need someone to tell him how to be married. He also told me to “brace” myself because if I made him go he would throw everything he could at me. I am not without my marital issues, but am intimidated to think that I would be walking into a declaration of war.

By JJ

June 3, 2008 3:21 PM | Link to this

Theresa THAT would be fun……let’s do it next week!!!!!

By Thor

June 3, 2008 3:27 PM | Link to this

Miranda doesn’t have a problem; I can’t blame her considering the putz she’s with. She just needs what every one of you can relate to: someone needs to rock her socks off. That will solve the problem, instantly.

By JSP

June 3, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this

Stuck with it, so let him. The chances are slim that you or your spouse is going to say anything the counselor hasn’t already heard many times over.

Maybe its time to air all the dirty laundry. Seems to me that would be the first step on the path to improvement.

By FCM

June 3, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

@Stuck..that sounds like my ex. Eventually he admitted he had been thinking about divorce…then a 2 weeks later he left. I found out about his ‘other’ life as soon as he left. If he is not in the relationship then you need to find a away to get on your feet….right now you sound like an abused life.

Took me a long time to realize abuse doesn’t have to be a physical blow.

By FCM

June 3, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

@ Stuck

Further note…I am not advocating a divorce…I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy! I meant get on your feet because the mere fact that you said “am intimidated to think” tells me he is controlling you. You are a wonderful women with a lot to offer, don’t let him make you the walking dead.

@JG I agree counseling is good first step. I did try it, and he went twice. The minister told us we had a ton of $hit (yes, he used that word) to get through and frankly he didn’t think we would.

By JJ

June 3, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

Stuck Your husband it NOT a happy person, and is unable to find happiness. It’s not your fault at a