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May 2008
Remembering my sorta ‘Sex and the City” days
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Long before I had three kids and a house in the suburbs, I was living like Carrie Bradshaw and the “Sex and City” gals in Manhattan — well minus the random sex (I was already married.) and the ridiculously expensive shoes (same reason). I didn’t party much in college but I made up for it during the two years we lived in New York City in the late ’90s. We were young, newly married and had no responsibilities other than do our jobs and pay our bills.
We had money and lots of friends to spend it with. It was one of the best times in our lives, and obviously — three kids later — not one that can be repeated.
We moved back to Atlanta the summer that “Sex and City” first appeared on TV and we were pleasantly surprised to see much of our former lives mirrored on the show. (We wondered if the writers had been following us around.) As the years progressed and the show turned into repeats and a major motion picture, it always makes me nostalgic for our time in the big city.
We lived on the 49th floor of a high-rise apartment near Central Park. It was only a tiny studio, but it had an amazing view of the Hudson River and doormen to boot. My husband worked as an editor for The Associated Press. I worked as an editor at an architectural design magazine. Both our offices were full of other 20 and 30-somethings from all over the country with whom we quickly made friends.
I traveled frequently for work and was “forced” to attend cocktail parties — almost always at interesting places like the Metropolitan or Guggenheim museums. (A little culture with our liquor.)
My office was mostly young women. We spent our lunch hours getting pedicures or going shopping. Our nights were spent checking out new bars and lounges all over the city.
One of our favorites, which I believe was in one of the “Sex” episodes, was The Beauty Bar. Formerly a ladies’ beauty shop, it had the old-fashioned dryers to sit under while you drank your cocktail. And the cocktail of course was the Cosmopolitan.
Two years before Carrie and the gals sipped a Cosmo on TV, a good friend of my husband’s introduced me to this fantastic concoction of cranberry juice, triple sec and vodka. It remains a favorite today.
Another favorite bar was The Universal — regrettably now defunct. Remember the episode when Samantha runs into a look-alike transvestite waiter while she’s playing Bingo in a bar? The Bingo caller was the only transvestite that I remember there. For $45 you got a pitcher of Cosmos and Bingo cards for your whole table. There were big prizes for the winners — a designer chair found on the street (which one of our friends won) and a kiss from the transvestite (which another friend won).
While I couldn’t spend as much money on clothes as Carrie and the girls, a few fashion risks were taken.
Slip dresses had just come into style, and I happened to have a hand me down lace-bodice black slip. I threw on some high heels, my mother’s 30-year-old slip, my faux fur coat from the vintage bazaar and was ready to celebrate my 25th birthday at The Beauty Bar. I felt fabulous (as Carrie would say).
I would often meet my husband and his friends after work at lounges. One time I had just bought a very short skirt to surprise him. I was walking to the end of our block to catch a cab when I kept noticing that several cars were following me and pulling over to the curb. I finally realized they thought I was a call girl. Apparently, the skirt was a little too short. (Ah, the good old days — when I was mistaken for a hooker!)
Like millions of other woman across the country, I will be seeing the new “Sex and the City” movie this weekend with my mommy girlfriends. While I am excited to see my old friends from the city, I wonder: Have Carrie and the girls moved on like we have?
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Should race matter in adoptions?
A law passed in 1996 says it shouldn’t be a factor, but now there’s concern black children adopted by white families aren’t faring as well as they could.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Time magazine posted a fascinating report this week by Jeninne Lee-St. John questioning whether white families who adopt black children can rear them as well as black families could. Here’s the full story. (In a related story, Madonna’s adoption of an African child was approved this week. Here’s that story.)
The story says: “ ‘Color-blind’ adoption, the report contends, allows some white parents — who may not be mentally ready or have the appropriate social tools to parent black children — to raise youngsters, who may, in turn, experience social and psychological problems later in life.”
“The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, a non-profit that studies and provides education on adoption, examined national statistics and studies on transracial adoptions — those in which adoptive parents and adopted children are of different races — in the U.S. over the past two decades. In its report, ‘Finding Families for African American Children,’ the institute argues that race should be a factor in adoption placement, and that agencies should be allowed to screen non-black families who want to adopt black children — for their ability to teach self-esteem and defense against racism, and for their level of interaction with other black people. ”
“The authors’ recommendations reflect the findings that transracial adoptees report struggling to fit in with their peers, their communities and even with their own families. The study also says that minority children adopted by white parents are likely to express a desire to be white, and black transracial adoptees have higher rates of behavioral problems than Asian or Native American children adopted transracially; they also exhibit more problems than biracial or white adoptees, or the biological children of adoptive parents.”
The story suggest that because of the law saying race shouldn’t matter in adoptions that families weren’t given advice on how to help their children adapt.
The story says that since the law was passed the proportion of transracial adoptions has only increased modestly — from 17.2% in 1996 to 20.1% in 2003.
The story reports black children are adopted less frequently and more slowly than kids of any other race. “Fifteen percent of U.S. children are black, but they account for nearly a third of children in foster care and a third of those awaiting adoption. White children are five times as likely as to be adopted than children from any minority group, and are adopted out of foster care an average of nine months sooner than black children.”
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with educating families adopting children about how to help them be proud of the race they were born into and how to help them adapt if they’re new family is a different color. But I can’t imagine it would be better to leave these children in the foster care system than to get them adopted into a loving home.
What do you think: Does race affect how children are reared when adopted? Should families be educated about how to combat racism and how to help their children be proud of their race? Should race be a factor when adopting?
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Is childhood obesity ‘the terrorist threat from within’?
According to a former U.S. Surgeon General it is, and researchers have announced a $500 million plan to deal with this public health disaster.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’ve been a little worried about me and the kids munching away the summer. It’s hard not to snack when you’re home most of the day.
As I was thinking today about how to curb our snacking, I ran across this article on Newsweek.com about how childhood obesity is a “terrorist threat from within.”
Dr. Dean Ornish takes a look at trends in childhood obesity and a new $500 million program from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation to curb the epidemic.
Dr. Ornish reports in the story: “Almost two-thirds of adults are overweight (body mass index, or BMI, between 25 and 30) or obese (BMI over 30). (To calculate your BMI, click here for adults, here for kids.) Worse, a study in the Annals of Internal Medicine that followed 4,000 people over 30 years found that nine out of 10 men and seven out of 10 women will eventually become overweight. And it’s not just adults. Since 1970 the percentage of kids who are overweight or obese has risen almost fourfold, from 4.2 percent to 15.3 percent.”
“New CDC figures released today and published in the Journal of the American Medical Association suggest that the rise in childhood obesity may have leveled off—the latest numbers are approximately the same as the last time the survey was done—but it’s not clear yet whether the upward trend has been permanently stalled or whether it is just a statistical artifact.”
“Even though today’s numbers offer some hope, it’s much too early to assume that the problem has been solved—this may still be the first generation in which kids have shorter lifespans than their parents. According to former U.S. Surgeon General Richard Carmona, ‘As we look to the future and where childhood obesity will be in 20 years … it is every bit as threatening to us as is the terrorist threat we face today. It is the terrorist threat from within.’ “
“Well, it doesn’t have to be this way. Childhood obesity is almost completely preventable. We don’t have to wait for a new drug or technology; we just have to put into practice what we already know. Clearly, genes have changed little, if at all, in the past 40 years. What’s changed is our diet and lifestyle. If we caused it, we can reverse it.”
Dr. Ornish recently interviewed Dr. Risa Lavizzo-Mourey, who is president and CEO of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, about what is causing childhood obesity and how her organization plans to change it.
She explained that children are eating too large of portions, eating out more often and eating more often in general. Plus, they are getting less exercise than before.
She says the programs: “Healthy Kids, Healthy Communities will provide direct support to communities working to reshape their environments in ways that promote healthy living and prevent childhood obesity. We will fund 10 leading communities this summer and release a call for proposals by the end of this year to fund 90 more. We are launching the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation Center to Prevent Childhood Obesity at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences to provide information and resources to policymakers and community activists. It will be up and running by mid-September. We will launch a program to support experienced local advocates working with low-income communities of color. Communities Creating Healthy Environments will fund advocacy efforts in 20 communities.”
What do you think: Is childhood obesity a terrorist threat from within? What can you do to help prevent your children from being affected? Are your children already affected? Will they be munching away the summer watching TV?
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‘Me time’ for Mom a must
How often do you get away from your kids? What do you do your 'me time'?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Every mom knows it is essential to find some time to relax and recharge. All the parenting books tell us we must take care of ourselves to take care of others.
I compare it to being on a plane when the oxygen masks pop out. Flight attendants say you should put on your own mask before putting one on your child. This goes against every instinct a mother has — you immediately want to help your child. However, if you pass out from lack of oxygen, you’re not much help to anyone.
The same is true at home. It’s hard to be patient and loving if you feel frazzled. The trouble is even when moms recognize they need some time off, it’s often hard to find a day to get away between soccer games and birthday parties.
I had been holding onto a spa gift card since December. My husband didn’t think I liked it because I hadn’t used it, but the truth is I was never offered a weekend just to go.
So, finally I decided to stop waiting for the perfect free day and made an appointment for a facial, massage and some eyebrow maintenance last weekend. Here’s how my attempts at relaxation went:
My first challenge came at the spa door. A sign asked you to turn off your cell phone. I stood outside the door for a few minutes thinking about that. I don’t turn my cell phone off at the gym. I don’t turn it off in the movies. I don’t turn it off in church. The whole point of having one is so that when you’re away, your children can reach you. I stepped away from the door and called Michael, “They’re making me turn off my phone. I’ll be out of touch for three hours but you can call me at the spa if you have an emergency.” He was like “Umm. Okay.” He had no idea why I felt the need to tell him this.
I told the staff I wanted to start with the painful stuff first and then end with the massage. I explained to the aesthetician that the last facial I had 10 years ago hadn’t gone so well. The woman doing the facial didn’t believe me when I told her I had sensitive skin. In fact, she said “I will tell you what type of skin you have.” She began putting a series of creams on my face that burned like crazy. I kept telling her, “This is hurting. This is hurting.” After she was done blistering my skin, she did a shoulder and upper chest massage. I was finally getting relaxed when there seemed to be an accidental grazing of her hand across my breast. I told myself it was just an accident, but then it happened again. At that point I was pretty sure I was getting groped. The new aesthetician laughed, and I think felt good that she had such low standards to meet.
As I was lying there trying to relax, all I could think about were things I forgot to tell Michael: “There’s hamburger meat that needs to be cooked. Rose needs to work on thank you notes from her birthday. The baby needs to wear sunscreen if you go to the playground.” It’s tough to shut out the random lists of mothering.
When the facial was over the aesthetician asked how it was. I said, “Well you didn’t burn my skin or grope me so I’d say it went pretty well.” Actually, the massage was lovely and uneventful. By that point I was calm enough to doze in and out (I call it ‘relaxation blackout’), plus the worry list-making had stopped.
When I got back home the kids were excited to see my skin. They were certain I would be beautiful and for some reason darker. (I can’t explain that one.)
I think I may need more frequent and regularly scheduled get-aways to truly feel refreshed but being away for a few hours did make me miss them.
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Who’s more excited about the new Indiana Jones movie — you or your kids?
Do your kids even know who Dr. Jones is? Do you think kids can appreciate the new movie the way we will?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I am desperate for a baby sitter for Saturday night so my husband and I can go see the new Indiana Jones movie. We both grew up on them, although I love them more than he does. (I keep singing the theme song.)
He bought me the new DVD set for my birthday in April so I would be ready for the new one. I actually kind of want to see it with my brother because that’s who I saw them with the first time.
Our kids haven’t seen any of them yet. I think they’re still too young — melting Nazis would freak my daughter out! But it will be exciting when they’re finally old enough to see it.
Are your kids interested in seeing the new movie? Have they seen the old ones? Who’s more excited to go? When will you try to see it?
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Is your air on yet?
When do you turn it on? Do you actually open windows with all the allergens?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I was visiting my parents’ house the other night and as soon as I walked in the door it felt like I was in the Amazon jungle. Holy cow, I’d forgotten they don’t turn their air on until JULY! (Every now and then they might switch it on in June but that’s only in a heat wave over 100.) And by the way, they don’t open windows or run the attic fan due to allergies.
They have done it this way my entire life. I remember being miserable getting ready for prom in high school. I would take a shower get out and immediately start sweating.
It took an Act of Congress to get them to turn the air on early for my April wedding. I didn’t want to melt before I even got outside.
I’ve been turning our air off and on now for more than a month. The house gets hot in the afternoons, and we are home all day long. So I click it on for a little bit for it to lower the temperature to 74 or 75 and then turn it off. I’m not opening my windows because of bad allergies.
Have you already turned on your air? If not, when? Do you open your windows or is the air quality too bad?
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How are you dealing with the rising price of food?
April showed the highest one-month increase of food prices in 18 years.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We’ve all noticed that our grocery bills are higher and AJC staff writer Elizabeth Lee wrote a great story explaining how much groceries are increasing and why. She also tells us what foods are increasing the most and which are still good buys. Here’s what she reported:
“Food prices notched their largest one-month increase in 18 years in April, giving shoppers the kind of sticker shock that SUV owners are getting used to at the pump. Milk prices, which had retreated from last November’s high of $3.90 for a gallon of whole milk, edged up to $3.80.”
“Higher costs for fuel and commodities are working their way through the food chain, pushing prices higher at retail. Food prices jumped 0.9 percent in April, with increases in all six grocery categories, according to Consumer Price Index figures released (last) Wednesday.”
“It’s shaping up as the second year of the highest food inflation in nearly two decades. Last year, food prices rose 4 percent.”
“Earlier this spring, government economists had predicted up to a 5 percent increase in food prices in 2008. That may change because of uncertainty over fuel prices, said Ephraim Leibtag, an economist for the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Food commodity price increases are starting to moderate, but fuel costs keep rising.”
Lee had a chart with her story (I love charts!) and some tips for cutting costs. Here’s what the chart said:
Food prices are increasing across the board, with a few exceptions. Here’s a look at price changes between April 2007 and April 2008, as measured by the Consumer Price Index.
WHAT’S UP
Chicken: Higher feed and energy prices. Up 5.5 percent, to $1.18 a pound.
Bread: Higher prices for ingredients like flour. Up 14.3 percent, to $1.37.
Milk: Feed and energy prices. Up 21.2 percent, to $3.80 a gallon.
WHAT’S DOWN
Oranges: Weather issues pushed prices high in 2007. Down 25 percent, to 93 cents a pound.
Iceberg lettuce: Better growing conditions this year. Down 8.5 percent, to 90 cents a pound.
Chuck roast: Less demand for cuts with longer cooking times. Down 4.9 percent, to $3.25 a pound.
HOLDING STEADY
Pork: Oversupply is keeping prices low. Look for price increases in 2009 as farmers reduce their breeding stock. At $3.15 a pound for pork chops.
Romaine lettuce: Better growing conditions. $1.55 a pound.
One other interesting article I would like to point out is about how to spend strategically on organic food. The author’s point is if you’re going to go organic on some things then choose the ones that would normally absorb the most pesticide. Here’s a chart showing which foods absorb the most pesticides as they grow. So for example, you might choose to buy the regular broccoli because it doesn’t absorb as many chemicals as say peaches. The peaches absorb a lot of pesticides so that would be worth your organic dollar.
Are the price increases enough for you to take notice? How are you adjusting what you are cooking for your family to save money? Do you spend strategically on organic foods?
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Graduation change house rules?
Does a diploma in hand change curfew time or any other house rules?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Thousands of high school students will be graduating in the next few weeks, and I’m wondering if having a diploma in hand changes any of your house rules?
Do they get a later curfew for the summer or no curfew at all? Do they need to check in or call in? Can boyfriends/girlfriends sleep over? Are chores still in order? How does life change at home for the new graduates?
Does it help students transition into college if you ease your rules at home or does it not matter? What about living at home while they go to college? Do your house rules change then?
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Kid’s advance killing my social life
Where did you meet your mom friends?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Monday is our last day of preschool, and I’m heartbroken.
For the last five years we’ve been so happy at our little nursery school. Our children played, made friends and learned many new skills. The teachers have been loving, kind and prepared both our kids for the rigors of reading and writing at elementary school.
And while I am sad that my son is leaving such a nurturing environment, I’m even more upset that his leaving means MY entire social network is collapsing!
Since 2003, I’ve been on auto pilot driving to the school. Three mornings and three afternoons a week, I circle the driveway, waving to my buddies, as I drop off and pick up.
After the pick-up, we gather like a minivan gang in the parking lot to decide who has time to play that afternoon before the big kids get home. Will we go to the park? The jumpy place? Out to lunch or back to someone’s house to let the kids run wild?
We don’t really have a set pattern for play nor do we ever decide ahead of time. We have to see how the kids are feeling. Are they in good moods? Did they pee on themselves at school? Did they get in trouble at school? These are all deciding factors in whether we get to play or not.
Like many moms across the metro area, my kids’ playtime is when I get to socialize. It’s one of the happiest parts of my day.
Before we started preschool I didn’t have any mom friends within a 30-mile radius of me. I had met my playgroup friends through Piedmont Hospital’s mom support group so the moms came from all over the metro area. A least once a week, I was trucking my baby to Marietta, Canton and Buckhead for playgroup.
When I had my second child, I just gave up on trying to visit friends with kids. I couldn’t spend that valuable nap time trapped in traffic on 285. It was lonely.
And then Rose started preschool. It was only one morning a week her first year but it meant that I had access to a pool of mothers that actually lived east of the perimeter and had children the same age as mine.
I had a few “playdates” looking for a like-minded buddy, but it wasn’t until that January that I found my match.
Laura’s daughter transferred into my daughter’s class. We were both told that our independent daughters would get along. And they did and so did their snarky, strong-willed mothers. We’ve been happily getting into trouble together ever since.
We’ve added to our little rat pack each year, and now we have the loveliest little group of funny, smart, relaxed moms to hang out with.
The other moms’ kids will still be at the preschool next year. Their youngest kids have late summer birthdays so they have one more year to go. I’m being thrown out just because my kid happened to turn 5 in May and is starting kindergarten.
Making mom friends at the elementary school has proven to be a little more difficult than at preschool. Most of the kids ride the bus so you don’t have the opportunity to meet the moms in the parking lot like we did at preschool. And I’m not meeting anyone at the bus stop because my kids are the only ones there. So my only interaction with elementary school moms is when we happen to be helping out at the occasional party at school, and it’s tough to bond that quickly.
Eventually, I will have one more child go to the preschool but that won’t be for another year or two. And by then my friends will be gone. Even more depressing, I’ll have to start over again trying to find moms I click with.
In the meantime I have developed a plan — a slightly pathetic plan but never the less a plan. I told the preschool director to expect me to drive through despite the fact I won’t be picking up a child.
OK, I may not actually drive through the line but I will be waiting in the parking lot to find out what’s up for the day — much like the senior that graduated but is still hanging out at the high school. Sad but true.
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Water parks, amusement parks, destinations and much more
MOMania will be your one-stop shop for summer fun with your kids. We have lists of resources, and we will be adding even more.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
School is out (Hooray!) but your kids may already be saying “Mom, I’m bored!” Here’s a guide to help you keep your kids busy all summer long.
We’re trying to put in one easy-to-find (impossible-to-lose) location all the resources a mom will need during the long, hot summer. We will be updating soon with a schedule of all the free movies being offered all summer long around the city. Plus, we will be adding recommended reading lists for the summer. If you find a link, you would like us to include, leave us a note below.
Also be sure to check out our summer picnic guide in the next box down. It has quick ideas for outdoor meals kids will love and moms won’t mind preparing! Good luck!
Reach for the sky at Stone Mountain’s SkyHike
Six Flags’ Thomas the Tank Engine brings smiles
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End-of-the-school-year stuff too much?
Are there too many celebrations at the end of the school year? Should it pass with less hurrah?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Holy Cow! I’m exhausted! Mother’s Day teas, Girl Scout party, soccer party, field day, school picnics, kindergarten meetings, kindergarten graduation — and all in this in one month.
I know I’m not alone — my buddies are all running around doing the same type of end of the year things.
Is there too much stuff winding down the year? Should it pass with less fanfare? What would you do to change the end-of-year schedule?
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Do pet parents deserve rights of human parents?
Should employers offer pet parents maternity leave or pet insurance? How do you feel about pet parents?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One of our regular contributors was recently on the Pet Dish blog raising some cain. She was discussing how some pet owners take things a little too far in her view. I won’t reveal her identity, but I will show you her quote from the blog:
“Well, it’s a good thing I hang out at MOMania and not here.”
“Get over yourselves. I love my dogs (have 2 of them), and would do anything for them, but get real Kori. Maternity leave when you get a new puppy???????? Time off to take your dog to the vet????? Employer paid insurance for pets???You CANNOT be serious. And FYI, there are a lot of employers that do not provide these for human children either… .”
“Flame me all you like.”
Besides the fact that it’s a fabulous quote, it begs the question:
Do pet parents deserve privileges and rights usually reserved for parents of humans? How do you feel when people treat their pets like their kids? Is that OK? What do you think of our MOMania’s contributor’s quote?
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OK to serve beer at a kid’s party?
It’s hot out, there are hot dogs but it’s also a kid’s party -- should beer be served?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We celebrated my son’s 5th birthday this weekend with an Olympic Sports party and picnic in our backyard. It ran from 4 to 7 p.m., and we had about 12 kids and their parents. Track and field games were played and hot dogs and cake were served.
One of our friends reminded me last week to be sure to pick up some beer for the event, which never would have occurred to me. Coke, Diet Coke, water, lemonade — these were all on my list. I hadn’t even considered beer.
When we attend BBQs and parties at our friends’ houses there is usually beer and wine served (even when kids are present). But this was a party for a child not just a party where kids would be present. Does that make a difference?
I knew most of the parents attending but not all.
What do you think: Would you serve beer at a kid’s party?
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Moms deserving of special thanks
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Every day I spend my time talking to moms. I meet them on the playground, doctor’s offices and even in the airport, and I always feel compelled to ask them about their children. They usually open right up and talk about the joys of raising their kids, as well as the challenges they are facing.
While all mothers are special and take on the extremely difficult task of rearing loving, responsible children, I wanted to take some time this Mother’s Day to focus on some moms who are dealing with some extraordinary challenges. I wanted to share with you some moms that I admire most:
Single Mothers — Every time my husband goes out of town for a few days, I feel like I’m getting a small taste of what it would be like to be single mom. I can’t imagine the stress of being solely responsible for the safety, health, financial and daily care of my children. I am so impressed by mothers who bravely take on these tasks and whose children thrive under their constant care. They have to be more organized, more thrifty, more patient, and more selfless than many moms who have the support of a partner.
Mothers of multiples — After taking care of a single newborn, I am impressed by any mother who can meet the demands of two newborns or more at once. Double the nursings, double the diapers, double the wake-ups during the night. I love to watch the juggling act these mothers manage as they give each child what they need (and sometimes other siblings too). I can’t help but think they must be exhausted.
Foster moms— We watched this year as one of our friends took in a newborn who needed a home. This family already had two school-age children, and they revamped their whole life to care for this sweet infant. The baby ended up needing extra medical attention and the foster mom tirelessly took care of him as if he were her own. Besides his day-to-day care, she attended court hearings as well to look out for his long-term interest. We always knew she was a great mom, but seeing all her unconditional love for this baby made her an extraordinary mom.
Mothers of children with special needs — We have several mothers in our life whose children have special needs. Whether their children have Downs Syndrome, Autism, learning disabilities or physical impairment, these moms always amaze me with their diligent care. Sometimes they’re dealing with surgeries, sometimes it’s months of therapy, and sometimes it’s just endless visits to specialists to figure out exactly what their child needs. We’ve watched our friends tirelessly investigate schools to find the perfect match to help their children thrive and then fly into watchdog mode to make sure their kids are treated fairly.
Military moms — Recently, the new documentary “Carrier” on PBS depicted a mother in the Navy who had to leave her children with her ex-husband while she deployed. What a tough assignment not to be able to hug and hold your kids daily.
On the flip side are the mothers left behind when husbands go off to fight. I have a friend from high school who is now Special Forces in the military. He served in Afghanistan and finally came home. He was with his new baby (his first) for just a few months when he was told he was needed in Iraq for a special mission. They good news was he could return home if the job was done quickly; the bad news is that meant it was fairly dangerous. I can’t imagine having a several-month-old baby, whacked out hormones and a husband on a dangerous mission in a war zone. What an amazing mom to handle it all. Luckily he did return safely.
And finally, there are the moms sending their sons and daughters off to war. I would be worried constantly and waiting to hear from them every day.
To all these moms who face special challenges, I wish you a happy Mother’s Day, and I hope you know that your hard work is appreciated. See more Mother’s Day coverage
What moms do you admire the most?
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What are you giving your mom for Mother’s Day?
What do moms really want?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Well, I got on the ball this year and ordered my mom’s Mother’s Day present about two weeks ago. I’m safe to tell you what I got her because she doesn’t go “online.” I went to Shutterfly.com and made her a book using photos of all her grandchildren from our spring events like Easter, birthday parties, and just playing around the house. It turned out so nicely I can’t wait to give it to her. (Although, her birthday is in another two weeks and I am clueless on that one.)
What are you making/giving/doing for your mom?
What do you really want? Do you want some time alone, some money for shopping, a craft made by the kids, a cake made by the kids, a massage?
Sign me up for the massage and some time alone to read. That would make me really happy!
Tell us your great ideas for Mother’s Day.
Also check out the AJC’s other Mother’s Day coverage: shopping ideas, restaurants, kids’ drawings of their moms, submitted photos of moms and much, much more!
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How much do you tell your teens about your past?
Do you own up to your teens about your sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One of our faithful readers sent me a note in early April posing the question: How much do you tell your teens about your past? Do you lie if they ask you if you’ve done something illegal or immoral or do you tell the truth?
Well, The Washington Post Magazine has just published a long (and fantastic) article examining these very questions. The writer tells us that while socializing with some of the moms in her circle they started admitting to past transgressions. One mom that she had really admired and respected started talking about her days as a stripper.
Her mom friends were of course shocked, and the author wondered how this woman would handle the topic with her kids.
It’s probably unlikely that your child would ask if you were an exotic dancer, but it’s likely they will ask: Did you have premarital sex? Did you drink? Did you do drugs? Did you cheat at school?
So how do you or how have you answered these tough questions?
The mom who sent me that e-mail said that she would clearly lie. She doesn’t want her child doing the same thing because mom did it.
The writer in the Washington Post story called a lot of experts (such as counselors) to ask does it help to own up to your mistakes?
Would your child learn more if you said “Listen, I had sex at 16, and it was so stupid of me. The boy dumped me, and it wasn’t really any fun.”
Will that lead your daughter to think it’s OK since Mom did it or will it help her decide against it?
One of the experts in the story felt that parents needed to be authorities and owning up to past mistakes hurt their position of moral authority.
I think a lot of parents would talk around it. For example, if asked “Did have sex before you were married?” They may say “Daddy is my one and only (and leave out the fact that they started having sex well before they were married.)”
What do you think? Do you lie? Do you tell the truth? Do you tell half-truths? If you do decide to lie, do you tell them the truth as an adult? What do you think of the experts’ advice in the story?
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What was the best life lesson your mom taught you?
Help us make a list of the best life lessons from our mothers.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I want to compile a list of all the best life lessons your mother taught you. Please tell us either the lesson you remember the most or maybe even the one that has changed your life the most. It could also be the lesson you use the most with your own kids.
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Stay-at-home moms useful to other people than just their kids
Businesses have figured out that stay-at-home moms are smart, trained and available to fill in during a crisis or special project.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A new Wall Street Journal story examines how stay-at-home moms are being used to fill in at companies. The story by Wall Street Journal writer, Sue Shellenbarger reports:
“Lots of employers would like to be able to hire cheap, temporary teams of seasoned pros with experience managing $2 billion investment portfolios, running ad campaigns or earning Ph.D.s in neuroscience.”
“But few know the secret to finding temps of that caliber: Look on playgrounds and at PTA meetings.”
“The decision among some highly educated women to stay home with children is sparking a countertrend: The rise of the mommy ‘SWAT team.’ The acronym, for ‘smart women with available time,’ is one mother’s label for all-mom teams assembled quickly through networking and staffing firms to handle crash projects. Employers get lots of voltage, cheap, while the women get a skills update and a taste of the professional challenges they miss.”
(I can’t get The Wall Street Journal link to work so I’m linking to the story through another newspaper.)
The story continues: “The University of North Carolina’s Kenan-Flagler Business School was able to muster an ‘incredibly talented’ team with eight at-home mothers — including a Stanford University Ph.D. in neuroscience, a University of Virginia M.B.A., an attorney and a former news executive — by tapping female staffers’ neighborhood networks, says Mindy Storrie, Kenan-Flagler’s director of leadership.”
“The team taught leadership skills to 100 M.B.A. candidates last year by role-playing difficult management situations with them and critiquing their performances. The simulation training was so successful that enrollment doubled this spring, and Kenan-Flagler made it mandatory for leadership training. Cost to the B-school: $21 an hour per woman.”
I just love this story and I’m so glad that businesses are realizing that moms who decide to stay home are still smart and useful.
There are several firms that help these moms find flexible work, including one here in Atlanta — MomCorps.com. The full list is in the story.
What do you think about using stay-at-home moms as SWAT teams? Would you hire these types of moms? Would you as a stay-at-home mom be able to fill jobs like this? Could you find quick child care? Does it make you feel good or you couldn’t care less?
Permalink | Comments (25) | Post your comment | Categories: General Frustrations of Motherhood
The journey to literacy: Priceless
Expert tips for helping your child learn to read. What things have you tried?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My soon-to-be 5-year-old son has recently become a READER! It is amazing to watch him pick up a book he’s never seen before and sound out the words and read the sentences. He’s so proud and so are we.
It’s an incredible journey for children to become readers. Parents must guide their kids from being non-speaking infants to talking toddlers and finally to school-age readers and writers. It is sometimes a slow and difficult process and many parents may wonder: How can I most effectively help my children become literate?
To try to answer that question, I interviewed reading expert Kathleen Hayes about emergent readers — or children who are just starting to learn to read. Hayes is the editor of Highlight Hive Five magazine, which is aimed at children ages 2 to 6. She is a former children’s librarian, teacher and professor of early childhood education. Here were some of her insights into helping our children learn to read:
“People mistakenly think that learning to read is only about seeing things in print and decoding them. Literacy is about speaking and listening and reading and writing,” says Hayes.
Because literacy is about communication, it’s not just important to read to your baby but also to talk to your baby. “Research is telling us now that when children come into school, if they haven’t had a lot of exposure to oral language, they’re not developing their own expressive and receptive language abilities (speaking and listening.)” Your babies and toddlers need to hear you playing with the language. Talk to them all the time and reinforce what they are seeing. (Oh, I see the blue bus.)
Hayes says babies and toddlers need the pictures and patterned language in picture and board books. “An important early emergent skill is how to read the picture,” she says. So when my husband and I read the “Nate the Great” chapter books with all three of our kids (because that’s what our eldest is working on), it isn’t the best reading for our 1-year-old. Our baby needs to develop the skills of examining pictures and looking for clues about what she is hearing. (Now I feel bad.)
The patterned language is also very important to young children, says Hayes. “If they’ve had lots of exposure to playing with language and the sound of language, they are much better prepared.” She says nursery rhymes and rhyming in general help train the ear to listen for the sounds of our language.
Young children need to see verbal communication transformed into the written, says Hayes, who as a teacher would ask 4-year-olds to tell her their news for the day. Then she would write what they said on a big sheet of paper. Later they would re-read it.
She said parents should demonstrate that we use print all the time and for many reasons. She suggests using a calendar with big squares and letting the children dictate what happened that day. The children can watch their parents write what they report and then they can re-read together later what happened. They see their words become print.
Write to relatives, she suggested, Send an e-mail to grandma — any kind of print is good. Bump up the font size and let them see their words coming up on the screen as they speak it. For 3- and 4-year-olds clicking on the keyboard and the mouse are easier motor skills than holding a pencil properly.
If they are old enough to write (5 and 6), let them use inventive spelling — just spell it how it sounds. There’s plenty of time to correct that later - it’s just important to get them reading and writing what they hear.
But don’t push children to write too soon. Hayes says the fine motor skills must be developed in a child for him to be able to write. And there are lots of fun activities parents can use to strengthen children’s fingers and help them develop those skills. Hayes says building Legos, playing with clay and Play-Doh are examples. (I’ve also heard that squeezing the tweezers in that Operation Game is good too.)
Read everything and make it relevant to them. Parents should think about literacy in a very broad context — let the kids read ads in the newspaper, read the signs on the street, or on the bus or subway. Reading doesn’t have to happen right before bed and in your pajamas. Let kids read things that are interesting to them — like the prize on the back of a cereal box.
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What are best schools for autism?
What school systems or specific schools around Atlanta have the best programs for autistic children?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We have some friends moving to Atlanta soon, and they have a 4 year-old daughter who is autistic. She is high functioning, and they are looking for the best public (or private) school programs in Atlanta for autistic children. She will be entering either pre-K or K next year. (She’s turning 5 in August.) They are coming to look at houses on Monday so he needs some direction quickly.
I told him our community of parent experts can help! What counties should he begin with? What schools have the best reputations? What should he be looking for as far as evaluating programs? How do Georgia’s public school autism programs compare to other states?
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How many kids in a condo?
As you plan summer vacations, how many kids can you reasonably put in one condo?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
How many kids can you/should you shove in a vacation condo?
My dad has this giant dream of getting all his brothers and all the cousins and their kids down to the Savannah beach at the same time. (My dad and his brothers grew up there.) So he’s been trying to organize a trip for the summer. He revealed his housing plan to me yesterday.
He’s thinking a three bed-room condo for me, my three kids, my sister-in-law and her two kids and my mom and dad. (I’m not sure if husbands will be able to get away.) That’s five kids under the age of 7 in one condo. I’m thinking this is a terrible idea.
I’m all for being economical, and I want to spend time with my family but I think five kids are going to feed off of each other and just be wild! I don’t think you’re ever going to be able to get them to sleep even after wearing them out on the beach all day. I think this has got disaster written all over it.
What do you guys think? Am I being a control freak? Could this work out OK? How many kids can you/should you shove into a vacation condo without the parents/grandparents going insane? How much privacy/space to individual families need while on vacation?
Share some of your best and worst extended family vacation stories. Under what arrangements do they work the best? When are they most terrible?
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