Home > Health > MOMania > Archives > 2008 > May > 25 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.US‘Me time’ for Mom a must
How often do you get away from your kids? What do you do your 'me time'?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Every mom knows it is essential to find some time to relax and recharge. All the parenting books tell us we must take care of ourselves to take care of others.
I compare it to being on a plane when the oxygen masks pop out. Flight attendants say you should put on your own mask before putting one on your child. This goes against every instinct a mother has — you immediately want to help your child. However, if you pass out from lack of oxygen, you’re not much help to anyone.
The same is true at home. It’s hard to be patient and loving if you feel frazzled. The trouble is even when moms recognize they need some time off, it’s often hard to find a day to get away between soccer games and birthday parties.
I had been holding onto a spa gift card since December. My husband didn’t think I liked it because I hadn’t used it, but the truth is I was never offered a weekend just to go.
So, finally I decided to stop waiting for the perfect free day and made an appointment for a facial, massage and some eyebrow maintenance last weekend. Here’s how my attempts at relaxation went:
My first challenge came at the spa door. A sign asked you to turn off your cell phone. I stood outside the door for a few minutes thinking about that. I don’t turn my cell phone off at the gym. I don’t turn it off in the movies. I don’t turn it off in church. The whole point of having one is so that when you’re away, your children can reach you. I stepped away from the door and called Michael, “They’re making me turn off my phone. I’ll be out of touch for three hours but you can call me at the spa if you have an emergency.” He was like “Umm. Okay.” He had no idea why I felt the need to tell him this.
I told the staff I wanted to start with the painful stuff first and then end with the massage. I explained to the aesthetician that the last facial I had 10 years ago hadn’t gone so well. The woman doing the facial didn’t believe me when I told her I had sensitive skin. In fact, she said “I will tell you what type of skin you have.” She began putting a series of creams on my face that burned like crazy. I kept telling her, “This is hurting. This is hurting.” After she was done blistering my skin, she did a shoulder and upper chest massage. I was finally getting relaxed when there seemed to be an accidental grazing of her hand across my breast. I told myself it was just an accident, but then it happened again. At that point I was pretty sure I was getting groped. The new aesthetician laughed, and I think felt good that she had such low standards to meet.
As I was lying there trying to relax, all I could think about were things I forgot to tell Michael: “There’s hamburger meat that needs to be cooked. Rose needs to work on thank you notes from her birthday. The baby needs to wear sunscreen if you go to the playground.” It’s tough to shut out the random lists of mothering.
When the facial was over the aesthetician asked how it was. I said, “Well you didn’t burn my skin or grope me so I’d say it went pretty well.” Actually, the massage was lovely and uneventful. By that point I was calm enough to doze in and out (I call it ‘relaxation blackout’), plus the worry list-making had stopped.
When I got back home the kids were excited to see my skin. They were certain I would be beautiful and for some reason darker. (I can’t explain that one.)
I think I may need more frequent and regularly scheduled get-aways to truly feel refreshed but being away for a few hours did make me miss them.
Comments
By Tacky!
May 26, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this
Isn’t this Memorial Day? You cant write a piece about Mom’s that serve or our Vet’s? You have to write a whiney piece about a trip to a spa on Memorial Day?
By Mom
May 26, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this
Tacky,
She didnt write it on memorial day—she wrote in on Sunday….read?
By Mom
May 26, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this
Tacky,
She didnt write it on memorial day—she wrote in on Sunday….read?
By Active Duty Mom
May 26, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this
2 things Teresa:
By motherjanegoose
May 26, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this
Theresa…you DO have a right to take time for yourself and I am happy you did so! Last year, I worked all day long on my birthday ( meeting in TN) and came rolling in about 10:30 p.m. to roll into bed. We left early for church in the morning ( came home briefly) and plans were to go out to lunch. Since our son is at college and does not typically live with us ( he had come home for my birthday)…I went sailing out of the garage and pulled right into his car ( hooking our mirrors together). I did not actually hit him but our cars were locked together. I called my husband to come back home to see what he could do. My car was on fumes and we could not start it to move it when Dad got home. Our neighbor came over with a gas can and put some gas in to help us and we managed to get the cars unlocked. I said all of this because even though my kids are nearly grown…we still have WAY too many things on our plates as MOMS…this year, I will use my hotel points and check into a hotel for my birthday and simply rest! I will be 49 for the first time LOL!
Regarding the holiday, at the risk of stepping on a few toes, many folks are not attuned to the reality and sacrifice of this holiday…especially those who are not related to anyone in the military. My husband was Navy and my father in law was in Viet Name. My blood relatives really never made a big to do about it. Today, we went to the parade in Dacula and I had tears (as usual) for those who were veterans in the parade. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE FREEDOM TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO DO EACH DAY AND TO SUBMIT ( SOMETIMES LENGTHY) OPINIONS IN THE BLOG AND NOT FEAR FOR MY LIFE
By motherjanegoose
May 26, 2008 2:20 PM | Link to this
OOOPS, I hit submit before I organized my submission into paragraphs and checked for typos…sorry if it looks awful.
By ga girl
May 26, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this
the lady wrote in and told about her day at the spa, and if I can read correctly, the question was What do moms do with MOM time”?The topic did not ask about memorial day. I for one am very proud of our service men and what they do for our freedom and it is so sad so many or any have to die for our freedom. I raised my 2 children and now have 6 grands and I really do enjoy my spa trips, they are just too few of them to enjoy.
By Kathy
May 27, 2008 8:07 AM | Link to this
One day on the weekends (usually Sunday)I go to Tribble Mill Park and have my long run…..all by myself! No stroller to push while running is heaven. One Friday a month I go scrapbook with my girlfriends. I usually don’t get much done, but I love to eat the yummies provided by the hostess and gab with the girls.
By Theresa
May 27, 2008 8:28 AM | Link to this
Dear Memorial Day Moms — the column ran on Sunday before Memorial Day and I actually didn’t expect there to be any comments until Tuesday — thought everyone would be busy honoring vets or celebrating the holiday however they saw fit — it’s funny though because I actually did talk about the sacrifices of our military mothers and families in my Mother’s Day column — you can look in the archives and it should be under the mother’s day date, which alludes me at this second (and I don’t have a calendar near by) — but it does talk about how special these families are — mothers of servicemen, mothers who are serving in the forces and wives of husbands serving who are taking care of their children alone — so this has been on my mind —
By Lauryn
May 27, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this
I get a day to myself once a month. I give my husband a day to himself once a month too. We each get about seven hours on a Saturday to do whatever and the other parent stays home with the kids. It always feel so good to come back home and the kids are happy to spend alone time with mom or dad.
By Matt
May 27, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this
My husband didn’t think I liked it because I hadn’t used it, but the truth is I was never offered a weekend just to go.
Men are not mind readers. The reason he gave you the card was to relax. But you needed to schedule the massage with masseuse; why wouldn’t you need to do the same with whom ever would watch you children?
Thanks to your article my wife, the mother of my 4 week old son, will be getting another gift certificate for a massage.
By Jeff
May 27, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this
Dunno about y’all, but I didn’t even LOOK at a computer yesterday as far as the internet is concerned. (Ask me about gaming and you’ll have a different answer, primarily because I was up before everyone else!)
On Memorial Day: As with most other things, I tend to be fairly private about how I celebrate. If I’m at a bar with a buddy of mine who has been in, I’ll buy him a beer. Otherwise, I tend to watch either The Patriot or Glory and celebrate the ones gone by. Memorial Day - to me at least - isn’t about the living soldiers so much as the dead ones. Veteran’s Day, exact opposite. Not so much about the dead ones as the living ones, and I publicly do a bit more there.
On topic:
I had a hard time leaving my STUDENTS the first couple of times I took a vacation day when I was teaching. I don’t want to even THINK about how hard it is going to be to leave my kid somewhere while I go on some vacation - even for just a couple of hours! And I’m the DAD!
T gets away a few hours a month right now when she does her scrapbooking, and generally if she wants to go out with the girls she knows all she has to do is tell me. That will continue after we have kids, though I may PUSH her out the door a few times as well.
And I will find a way to get some relax time for me as well - even if it means locking myself in the bedroom with the Wii for an hour or two! :P
By Jen
May 27, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this
I don’t understand these moms who feel like they can’t let it all go and have guilt over personal time.
Maybe it’s because from the get-go my husband was a 100% co-parent. Nothing was “his” job or “my” job. Both of us work full-time and both of us are full-time parents.
So, maybe that’s why when I want me-time I don’t have a problem letting it all go.
My me-time is less about non-mom time as it is about simply ME time.
By new mom
May 27, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this
As a still fairly new mom (to an 8 mth old) and as a mom who stays at home, I have found it VERY difficult to get any ‘ME’ time. I’d love to blame someone else, but honestly, it’s my fault. I too have a spa gift card that I received while pregant that’s untouched. What’s my problem? Guilt. I know I need time away from the baby, but when I start to plan any time away, I start feeling guilty because I shouldn’t be doing something frivolous like getting a massage when our daughter wants to play. Or possibly miss her first steps or words or crawl. Or leaving her with her daddy all alone, without my help, while I’m gone for hours/all day. And yes, I know that he needs time with her—and he gets it. But he still will ask me to help him with this or that, or ask me how to do something, when I’m around.
The other issue that I believe is related is the idea of spending money. After working full time for 13 years, not bringing home an income is hard to get used to. I could go shopping or get a pedicure without worry, knowing I had ‘earned’ the money to do so. Now I feel guilty spending any money on myself. I have gotten an occasional pedicure since our baby arrived, but that’s been more out of shame/disgust at my feet, not for the idea of pampering myself. And those times, my husband literally had to PUSH me out the door to go. (my feet must have been nasty! ha ha)
I know I’m about to get advice on how I should just GO and let daddy deal with the baby. Or that I will be a better mommy when I’m relaxed. I know all that stuff….I’m just saying that it’s MOMMY GUILT that keeps me from doing stuff for myself. Check with me in a year, I’ll probably be singing a different tune. :) I hope so!
By Thor
May 27, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this
What I found interesting is her “first challenge” - turning off her cell phone at the spa. Feeling cut off from her children in the event of an emergency even though her husband was looking after the kids. Either this is symptomatic of a controlling personality or a lack of faith in the husband - or both. That paragraph was very psychologically revealing and insightful.
Cell phones should be turned off at certain locations - Church being one of them. How often do we hear the cheesy ring tone go off at the wrong moment only to hear the person say, “Oops - guess I forgot to put it on vibrate, (giggle) sorry”. If you’re in a house of God and you can’t do without your cell phone in case of an emergency, perhaps you might want to re-examine the whole purpose of prayer, God and a Church. After all, its not like your small children are left unattended!
“Me time” for parents is needed, only if they will remember not to be over-controlling, dominant (or insecure) and feel as if they are so important and vital that they cannot be disconnected from their children’s lives for a few hours while someone else is supervising. Something is off balance…
By Eve
May 27, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this
I wonder, Teresa, how your husband felt at what can be summed up as your lack of faith in his ability to handle the kids for a few hours, without plunging the entire situation into code orange.
And your confession that you never turn your cellphone off, even in church, just adds more weight to the fact that you have zero faith in your husband’s abilities to parent.
I have to say that it’s a result of mothers like you that some fathers get a bad rap when it comes to alone time with their own children.
I happily leave my phone in the car when I’m out & about by myself. I know my husband more than capable of handling anything, without needing a checklist or having me to rush home early. I can have me time without a guilty conscience.
Maybe I just got lucky! :)
By Becky
May 27, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this
I agree with Thor & Eve, you can’t do without your cell phone even in church?? Please say this isn’t so..I leave mine in my car why I’m at church..Back to topic, as posted earlier, all parents need “me” time..
By JSP
May 27, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this
I take “me” time when I need it with no worries and no guilt. I don’t want my children 100% dependant upon MOM 100% of the time! Sometimes it is just an hour, other times it is most of the day.
Dad is perfectly capable of handling things while I’m away.
We take it one step further as well…from the time our boys were very young, we have taken a minimum of 1 vacation a year, for 8 days, with no children. Husbands and wives need quality time together too! It helps keep us in synch and our marriage strong. It also lets the kids know that - “hey, Mom and Dad, and their marriage is important - they need time with each other!”
Do we miss the children, of course, do we feel guilty — HE!! NO!
By new mom
May 27, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this
I have started leaving my cell phone on, yet on ‘silent’ when in church—only because the nursery uses it to contact us when our baby has a melt-down and we have to come down there. That has nothing to do with my husband’s “ability to parent”, she’s in the nursery, and he’s with me!! It has to do with the fact that our baby wants at least one of us with her. We’re working on that…but we sit in the back with our phones on silent so when we need to leave, we disrupt as little as possible.
I have lots of faith in my husband’s ability to parent. He’s great! I don’t think it’s an issue of me wanting to control things either—I honestly think it is the fact that I chose to leave my full time job to be a stay at home, full-time mommy, so when I leave her with my husband, I feel like I’m neglecting that role. My husband has his own full-time job too…when he comes home and spends time with our daughter, it’s not like I’m taking over his work for him. I get a ‘break’ when he does not. So when he’s with her, I’m running around cleaning or doing laundry, whatever I can to be productive. I’m sure this logic is anything but logical, but it’s where I am now. I want to do the right thing for my daughter and my husband, but me not ‘pulling my weight’ when he’s spending time with her just doesn’t always feel like the right thing.
But apparently I’ve already been diagnosed as being over-controlling, dominant, insecure, having no faith in my husband, etc.
Oh, baby’s waking from her nap now. I’ll check in later to read just how screwed up I really am….
By Jeff
May 27, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this
JSP:
When I was a kid, my parents shipped all 3 of us kids off to each grandparent for a week. Then, mom and dad had nearly a month every summer without the kids! (Due to divorces and deaths, we had 3 different houses to go to, one week at each one. For the most part all were within about 30 miles.)
T and I fully intend to do the same, once the kids are out of diapers - maybe sooner, we’ll see how it goes!
Seemed to work for my parents… this year makes 28 years they’ve been together!
By nurse&mother
May 27, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this
New Mom That is exactly why I work part time. I don’t want to ask anyone if I can buy anything. If I can afford it, then I am free to get it. If I can’t then I do without. No guilt. My husband and I have seperate accounts and we both love it!!
Theresa Why can’t you turn your cell off for a couple of hours during church, movies, or the spa? If you can’t trust whomever is watching the kids to make an executive decision, then maybe you should find someone else. If a sitter is watching them, can you not give him/her your husband’s cell number (or grandparents, best friend, etc)?
By Wendy
May 27, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this
I had to laugh when you said you had a spa certificate from December. I have one from Mother’s Day 2006 and 2007 that i seem to be saving up! My husband thought it would be relaxing to go to a Spa on Daufuskie Island (I live off Hilton Head, SC)so i would need to take a ferry there. This means an ENTIRE DAY for me, and i just can’t seem to get away. I just hope that those gift certificates don’t expire!! Hopefully your post gives me the push i need to actually DO IT!
By Kid Sister
May 27, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this
I had the chance to visit with my ‘big’ sister this holiday weekend. I left thinking how in the world does she live like that. She has three small kids, all under the age of nine, as well as a husband and dog to care for. When I got in my car to leave for my home I had to fight back tears. My once bright and charming sister has been reduced to nothing more than a maid in an out of shape body with bad hair that desperately needs a break from the hell she is living in that she somehow thinks is her lot in life. Her kids must be center of attention at all time and her husband is worse than the kids. She is doing something for a kid or her husband from the time she wakes up to the time she tries to get four hours sleep. I wanted to shake her husband silly and ask him if he had a clue as to the hell she appears to be going through. I didn’t. I also wanted to take her obnoxious kids and lock them in the basement for the day and take her to a salon for some much needed personal time. I didn’t. All I could do was get in the car and think to myself that if this could happen to my sister who was class valedictorian of her high school class who married, ostensibly, her dream man, this could happen to any of us. On my drive home I had to fight the urge to pull over on the side of the road and give myself a tubal ligation. There is no way in hell this woman is happy, she is too stressed out to realize the hell her life has become.
By Jeff
May 27, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this
I think a little “me time” is good for both parents, not just the mom.
By ESR
May 27, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this
Can’t turn off your cell phone? You can’t relax because all you do is think of things you forgot to tell your husband? Get off of the God Complex, which is exactly what you have. Woman, you are not God. If you died today on GA400 your kids and your husband will make it okay. Sure, they’ll cry and miss you but the buildings will be there the next day, so will the sun and so will you kids and husband. No wonder your skin and hair is probably a mess, you think you have to put your capes on and save the world, daily. Get over your megalomania selves that it’s all ” Me..me..me..” I am the only one that can do it right. Horsecrap. When you start thinking you’re the only person that can raise your kids the right way, you’ve failed yourself. If you failed yourself in life how in the world can you raise anything, especially a child.
By FCM
May 27, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this
MOM time is important…however, what you do with it and how much you get is entirely up to you. For me, MOM time can be watching Grey’s or Lost without interruption. It can be reading a book cover to cover in a weekend (used to be a day but alas MOM here).
Just take the time to give yourself a few minutes of MOM time a day…and then a couple of consecutive HOURS of Mom time a month.
As to the timing of the post…I think this is more Mother’s Day material…but I am not your editor so who cares.
By Laura
May 27, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this
Theresa: Good Gawd! Are you really so important that you can’t turn off your cell phone for a couple of hours during church or a movie? How rude and pretentious.
You were gone for—what—THREE hours? I assume your husband is a capable employee at his job. Could it also be that he is—gasp—capable of looking after his own 3 kids without you bugging and nagging him? You need more than an afternoon at a spa to calm you down.
By Cranberry
May 27, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this
KidSister - whew, easy girl! Remember, your sister is a grown woman who has made her own choices and decisions. One day, hopefully, she will come to her senses and realize she is not doing her kids or her husband any favors. Until that time, just be available to talk!
Now, as for you, no tubal ligations necessary. Since viewing this situation, now you know what NOT to do! It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have kids, it just means you should make different choices and decisions.
Good luck!
By Thor
May 27, 2008 1:22 PM | Link to this
To determine if a marriage is healthy and in balance, there is one question psychologists and religion agree on:
If you had to make a choice right now on who would live and who would die, spouse or child - who would you decide lives?
The correct answer is the spouse - the child must die. The spouse is the most important thing in a marriage, not the child. A child is a by-product of a marriage, the spouse is the founding and basis for love and should be the most important. You are married to your spouse for life; you are not to be with your child for life (you raise them and release into the world). The child can be replaced either by reproduction or adoption - a spouse is suppose to be for life. Psychologists and religion agree the child must die, not the spouse.
This question is often asked via psychologists and religious leaders in order to determine the health of a marriage and to see if there is an imbalance. There are stay at home Moms who’s priorities are out-of-balance; hence, when the children finally leave home the mother will have nothing left to live for except the dream of grandchildren. The same is true for the man who is devoted to “Work” - when he retires, there is nothing left to do so. Either divorce, they die or things get bad.
We are already seeing a generation of children who are now entering the work force, who have been pampered all their lives, who have been told they are “special” and can be anything they want to when they grow up. There are no more winners and losers in child sports - its all about me (and its all about the parents of these “special” kids). I believe something is out of whack with middle class and upper middle class parenting. What type of generation are you raising for the future?
Homo Sapien has been around 100,000 years without cell phones yet the species has grown. Yet, the thought of turning off a cell phone causes panic with regards to your children. The future generation of America is being exposed to this type of parenting - what type of results will the public soon see with your offspring?
By motherjanegoose
May 27, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this
Read at a church: PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONES UPON ENTERING THE SANCTUARY….GOD DOES NOT NEED THEM TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU!
I am up to my eyeballs with those who simply cannot turn their phones off. I was a Borders today and my husband called me to update me on his car repair. I was at the counter and told him I would call him back. I told the clerk I sorry and that I could not stand those who carry on conversations in public places. She told me that they have a man who comes in all the time and talks all around the store while the other customers complain…this is a BOOKSTORE!
Theresa…you CAN leave your kids home with your husband and they will live.
My husband knew NOTHING about kids when we married 25 years ago. He worked nights and I taught half day Kindergarten while he stayed home with our baby who will be 21 next week. It all worked out just fine! I did not have a cell phone in class and he had 5 hours alone every day!
Some women find their identity in the fact that THEY are the only ones who can be the mommy. I hope this is not you, or you will get sucked in like Kid Sister’s sister and then you will lose your own identity!
nurseandmother Yes, working part time is really healthy for ALL women…even if it is just 10 hours per week….you get to do something different, have a little money of your own and let Dad handle things…he may turn out to be better at many things than you are and can pick up the slack.
FYI…we left our baby schnauzer home with my sister’s schnauzer and my husband last weekend. We sisters and my daughter took a trip. My sister was anxious and I told her, “well, he kept our son nearly 21 years ago and that was a human…these are dogs!” They were all best friends when we got home and now we are telling my husband that he may want consider dog training as a side job….LOL.
By Jeff
May 27, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this
Thor:
In regards to your last question (rhetorical, I know, but the answer needs to be stated anyway):
Two words:
BIG BROTHER.
We’re already seeing it happen, and most aren’t doing ANYTHING to try to stop it - for whatever reason.
As a man I look up to once said:
“Those who would trade liberty for security deserve neither.”
By A. Nony Mouse.
May 27, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this
Okay let me get this straight. You have a full grown, mentally competent, college educated husband; who by the way has life away form home that you do not necessarily orchestrate and guide. You however think he is such a complete buffoon that he cannot manage 3 children for 4 hours with out you to tell him what to do. How wonderful he must feel about that. Woman what in the world do think you would do if you were not blessed enough to have a job that allows you to be at home with your children, what if you had a 40 hour a week job away from home? How in the world would you cope? Also, do you really think your husband is so ignorant that he could not figure out how to reach you if your phone is off?
I am a single parent and I still get Mom time. My kids (23 and 13) don’t really expect any different.
All of the women out there need to learn to let go for a bit. My Dad was a parent. He did stuff just like Mom and some stuff better. He is still my Rock and I am 43. When my son was a baby my Mom and I had to be gone for the day for something and left Daddy home with the baby. I was not worried, this was not his first rodeo. He took care of us all. Well I neglected to teach him about Pampers, He was a cloth diaper guy in the day. When we got home we found that he had changed the boys diaper. He somehow got is backwards and in his frustration ripped the tape off. So as any red blooded man in America would do he used duct tape and wrapped it like 6 times around the diaper, being careful to avoid skin. He did not say anything at first except” Oh good I think he needs a change”. That is when I discover he was duct taped in the diaper backwards. I showed my Mom and we laughed hard. My Dad had all kinds of unflattering things to say about Pampers that day but, he has kept my kids and changed many diapers since that day. I am so glad I have that memory. Mom is gone now and I cannot help but laugh. My Mom taught me to appreciate Daddy for himself not the box the world wanted him to be in.
By Kara
May 27, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this
Get a life teresa, that does not revolve around your kids.
What are you going be doing all day when the youngest one goes to school?
You’ll still be a helicopter parent.
This is fulfilling?
Ii am glad you are not my mother.
As your kids get older they’ll see you for who you are. They won’t like it.
Trust me
By A. Nony Mouse.
May 27, 2008 2:08 PM | Link to this
Thor, Until the day you have buried a child I don’t think you, religion or psychologists can beging to speak to the situation. I buried my dear son 10 years ago and I have divorced his father in that time too. I can always marry again, I will never have another child and if I could it would not be the same.
Let’s just not go there! Huh?
By momtoAlex&Max
May 27, 2008 2:59 PM | Link to this
Even if the question was rethorical, Thor, you are despicable. The child must die?????????
Good God! Listen to yourself! Besides, based on your argument, one can always marry again too, right? Cuz people are THAT interchangable. (I hope the sarcasm is obvious on that last phrase)
Despicable.
By Thor
May 27, 2008 3:21 PM | Link to this
The question is obviously a hypothetical thesis in order to discover the balance between parenting and marriage. It is used via the majority of major denominations as well as Judaism in addition to psychology. The question is not despicable, the answer revealed however might be.
By Becky
May 27, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this
Thor, if that question were posed to me, my answer would be to save the child, as I would expect my husband to answer the same way..
By Publicenemynumberon
May 27, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this
Kid Sister
Here’s my story…
I have been married for ten years. My wife and I have two children (boy 8, girl 4). Last Friday my wife spent the day at our boys school (helping at a picnic), she took my little girl along because she starts there in September. I made a spaghetti dinner.
Saturday I mowed our lawn and tended to our koi pond that I built last year. We went to went to lunch and then drove around looking for water plants to complete the project. We grilled out hot dogs for dinner.
On Sunday I worked for a few hours at a rental house (I surprised one of our tenants with a dog house for their dog and the other tenants are getting new sod and a picnic table). That afternoon we went to lunch as a family and then bought a wii fit. We spent a few hours together that evening playing.
On Monday I made pancakes and sausage for everybody (as a surprise). We then went and saw the new Indiana Jones movie (we loved it). To end the day the wife and kids went to the pool and I cleaned up the house, getting ready for the work week.
Not all men are pigs.
By Publicenemynumberon
May 27, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this
Thor,
I read your question, I think the best answer is I would sacrifice myself for them.
Stupid question though. A sane/normal person wouldn’t make “that” choice.
By repulsed
May 27, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this
The scariest part of this insecure, poorly written, epitome of self worship is that it’s only a matter of time before she tells us shes pregnant again. Not because shes ready to further embrace her role as a mother but out of fear that as her kids get older she’d be even more irrelevant as a googleable, “mom”…… journalist? (ouch).
By Jesse's Girl
May 27, 2008 5:40 PM | Link to this
Well then Repulsed….you are more than welcome to read something else. Honestly! I do not understand the mentality of wasting one’s precious time making comments that offer no insight whatsoever!
Per the topic….Theresa, I have been there. Though I have left Mr Jesse with the children for extended jaunts…I too find myself worrying about all the things that “might not” get done. But then I come to my silly senses and realize its not the getting done that worries me…its the getting done in a way that isn’t just like mine. I’ve learned that lesson several times over!!
Me time is a must for any parent….not just the mom. Once a month, Jesse and I take an entire day to ourselves…all alone. Its wonderful. I ususally antique and window shop…he usually goes somewhere to shoot his bagillion guns. It works wonderfully for us.
By motherjanegoose
May 27, 2008 6:20 PM | Link to this
publicenemy…. great job…there are many dads who are wonderful. Some moms do not give the others a fighting chance.
By Carrie P
May 27, 2008 6:43 PM | Link to this
I am a mother of three and work from home as a legal consultant now, but when I was in my 20s & early 30s and deeply involved in my career, I took very few personal, vacation or sick days because I truly thought everything would fall apart if I wasn’t there to micromanage it. When I moved to a new law firm and still held that belief, I was fortunate to have a fantastic boss/role model who basically said, ‘If you really believe this firm is going to fall apart if you’re not here, you’re working for one really messed up company.’ I laughed and - eventually - got over what turned out to be nothing more that my own bloated sense of self importance.
Theresa and other mothers in similar situations may be well served to consider a paraphrase of that advice: If you really think you can’t leave your children with your partner (or other loving caregiver)for a few hours without everything falling apart, you’ve got a really messed up support system.
If your support system is fine, then get over yourself and go get a mani-pedi or whatever! Put some trust in family, friends and caregivers. They’re usually pretty capable and deserve some credit.
By FCM
May 27, 2008 7:10 PM | Link to this
For what it is worth my children love their ‘date time’ with Grandpa. He takes them to dinner and the park or a movie. They love when Grandpa babysits for them too. OK, so Grandpa doesn’t make PB & J like me. However, nobody peels an orange like he does….
Still tonight, while my folks keep my kids I am going to relax and enjoy the quiet!
By Kid Sister Too
May 28, 2008 8:00 AM | Link to this
Dear Kid Sister Too, I too was slightly destressed over my sister’s parenting when I too did not have children. Those of us without children DO seem to have all the answers… The more children we have, the less we know… And you yourself admit you’re part of your sister’s problem by not helping her when you saw she needed it.
By JJ
May 28, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this
WOW talk about Me time, I sure am getting my fair share. Now that my 17 year old has her license, I hardly ever see her. She was gone AAALLLL weekend. Although I missed her, I really enjoyed my time alone. I love being at my house. I love working out in the garden, or just relaxing in front of the tv.
By Ann
May 28, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this
Me time for Mom is really important in order to be a patient and loving parent with energy for activities, etc with your child and not just sitting in front of the tv with them. I am a single mom of a two-year-old and trade off care-taking with my daughter’s father. There are times when she is with him that I miss her terribly, but I ALWAYS enjoy my time to myself and make the most of it! I find that I am recharged and raring to keep up with my energetic toddler. As for a spa, that is one way to unwind, but so is just planning lunch and walk with a friend, browsing through the bookstore, going to the gym, or whatever. So, ladies, relax and recharge. For yourself, for your kids and for the father too! It is good for him to be “in charge” for a while and learn all the intracacies of caring for your children. EVERYBODY who is getting so worked up on this blog needs to seriously RELAX. I think you are the ones who need the R&R more than anyone!