MOMania

By Belle

May 20, 2008 8:18 AM | Link to this

When I graduated nothing changed about the house rules. I still lived there all through college and my parents still payed the bills so the rules stayed put. It didn’t change until I was 21. I think I was the only 21 year old that had a mid-night curfew but hey, at least it was not 11 anymore. LOL

By jct

May 20, 2008 8:28 AM | Link to this

Nothing will change. Curfew is for my benefit, not his. That way we get to sleep. (You’ll see in a couple years Theresa.)

Do chores go away? Heck, NO! My child still has a roof over his head, food on the table. As long as we are footing the bill, you go by our rules. If he doesn’t like it, he can move elsewhere.

By JJ

May 20, 2008 8:45 AM | Link to this

JCT I agree 100%. As long as she is living in my house and I am footing the bill, she will live by my rules.

She is under the impression that as soon as she turns 18 I can’t stop her from leaving the house. I told her she was absolutely correct, but getting back into the house was a going to be her problem….

By fk

May 20, 2008 8:46 AM | Link to this

Since when does a high school diploma give an 18 y/o carte blanche? That piece of paper does not bestow instant maturity. We’ve got another year before we’ll be there, but I don’t imagine much changing. A later curfew, or lack of one, is a privilege, that is earned thru exhibiting responsible behavior over the course of time, not by receiving a diploma. He will always be expected to contribute in some way to the household so long as he lives under our roof …even if it will be only during school breaks.

By motherjanegoose

May 20, 2008 8:50 AM | Link to this

Whew…I thought I was the only member of the MEAN MOM club.
Responsibility comes from learning how to be responsible…. NO CHORES NO CURFEW MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX FOR SLEEPOVERS

HELLO????

Theresa…this is why you are able to do what you do…you can ask these ridiculous questions… I cannot.

My son now ( 21 in 2 weeks) does not have a curfew ( when he comes home)…he has his own apartment ( we foot that bill and he pays for food and utilities and daily expenses). He will be a College Senior. When he did spend the summer at home, I asked him to call us at 12:00 and let us know his plans.
He is not home too often now, as he works at least 24 hours per week and 40 during breaks. Having a job is the best training you can give your teenager. Driving a BMW, wearing designer clothes, getting manicures and highlights on Mom and Dad’s pocketbook is a mistake.
Think: if your son happens to marry a girl who has lived like this…WHO will be footing the bill if she has never had to work.
If your son has always had whatever he wants…who will pay for it and won’t they both be surprised when they cannot afford a house payment and two $450 car payments on a combined income of $60,000 per year? Think credit card debt!

By DYJ

May 20, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this

Like Belle, when I graduated from HS the rules did not change and the rules remained while I lived at my parents house during college. The only change was to my curfew and that didn’t change until I turned 21. I anticipdate it being the same when my daughter graduates (in about 16 years!)

By NameGame

May 20, 2008 8:56 AM | Link to this

Can boyfriends/girlfriends sleep over?”

WTF????? Are you serious?

By Jeff

May 20, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

My curfew didn’t change even AFTER I turned 21!!!

It didn’t change until I got a job working 3rd shift, then my parents FINALLY got to the point where I could stay out all night if I wanted and all they asked was that I let them know my plans.

The sad thing? I’m married, living with my wife now, and we go to bed earlier than my parents typically do!!!! (And I did this even when I was single most nights!) Though in our defense, our weekends are pretty hectic and seeing our HOUSE by midnight means that we’ve got plans the next morning!

By Ebaby

May 20, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

Did the rules change- not really. Even after I had lived in Europe for a year, was engaged and came back to live with my parents while I planned and saved for the wedding, my mother would still call me to see where I was and when I was coming home. Only by that point, if I told her that I was too tired/drunk to drive home and I was just going to sleep wherever I was, she was ok with it.

I wonder what I will be like when my kids graduate HS and become adults.

By Jimbo

May 20, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

I remember having a discussion about rules when I lived at home as a newly minted adult. I was told I could pay rent and abide by their rules (which was patently ridiculous because at that point I was a renter) or leave. I left. Best thing they ever did for me.

By Theresa

May 20, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

Hey guys — Here’s where the questions come from — I could honstly see curfews being eased or lifted — they’re not going to have one at college —- on the opposite sex sleepover, have we already forgotten the frontline doc on those high school kids in rockdale?? They were living in pool houses doing whatever the heck they wanted — so hence the question —- a lot of parents let opposites sleep over after prom —- so seemed like maybe parents would after graduation??Did you let opposites sleep over after prom???

(I think the figuring is better in my house than at a hotel)

A quick aside note - I’d like to thank Motherjanegoose (whom I do not know personally but apparently used in a column a few years back) for defending me so much lately!! I appreciate your defense very much! I have noticed

By fk

May 20, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

I missed it…what happened in Rockdale?

I went away to college. I easily transitioned to life away from home and the new found freedoms. Yes, it was fun, at times, pretty wild. However, coming home over the breaks was an adjustment for me. My parents were not expected to amend their ways, I was. And, I did. I always knew where the door was located if I didn’t like it. And, I appreciated the fact that the door was always open when I wanted to come home. Their house, their rules.

Regarding prom sleepovers, are you talking about multiple people spending the night…as in they are up all night, or just the one bf/gf? Prom night is not honeymoon night. You know, not all prom dates are seniors. Contrary to popular belief, we parents don’t have our heads in the sand. Just b/c this stuff goes on, does not mean I will encourage such behavior at home.

By JJ

May 20, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Theresa I would be interested in how many parents are planning on offering alcohol to their high school graduates, and who will be having the parties……

There are alot of parents out there with the mentality of “they are going to drink anyway, why not in my house, where they are safe….”

By Stacey

May 20, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

My curfew was lifted graduation night because so many classmates were having parties. I went home and changed after the ceremony and spent a little time with my family who had come in from out of town. Although my mother knew I had a good head on my shoulders, she still gave me the talk about not riding with anyone who had been drinking. While she didn’t condone it, my mother expected me and/or my friends to drink (some did, I didn’t). I actually was home way before curfew that night because I didn’t like the scene at THE party of the night.

When I would come home from college for holidays, I technically didn’t have a curfew though I did respect the rules of my parents’ house. As others have mentioned, I knew that my mother truly couldn’t get to sleep until she knew we (her kids & grandkids) were safe and accounted for. I was married with a child when my mother died, but if something happened in Atlanta that I knew would soon reach my hometown (like the Olympic Park bombing), I would call my mother just to let her know I was safe.

I met my (now) husband during my freshman year of college and when he would go home with me to visit, he slept upstairs in my bed and I slept downstairs in bed with my mother (my dad was deceased by then). That was the case until we were married, even after I moved here and we lived together.

By new mom

May 20, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

I might be in the minority, but I see some corolation between these types of questions and some previous blogs, specifically the famous “is it OK to serve beer at kids’ parties?” blog.

(warning, I’m about to sound like an old fart…and I’m only 36…) I personally think we have to start teaching our children how to be the adults you want them to be by showing them that example firsthand in our own life. It isn’t enough to just do whatever we want to in front of them (drink, cuss, etc.) when they are young, then expect them to learn how to behave by going to school or church. Through our youth volunteer work, we’ve encountered lots of parents who seem to surrender their parenting role to teachers, youth workers, society…even to the children themselves. Those same parents are then SHOCKED when they learn their kids got into trouble, but they had no idea what was going on in their lives. The problems of teenagers and young adults are often rooted and learned in early childhood, but manifest as the child starts to grow and get a little freedom.

I have learned something by reading these blogs. Many of us decide whether something is right or wrong by simply asking ourselves: “is this something I have done, currently do, or plan to do?” If we can say yes, then it’s RIGHT. Whereas, if that something is not something we would do, then it’s WRONG. Maybe we should develop new criteria to determine what’s right and wrong? Look beyond ourselves and our temporary wants, and try to decide what’s best for our kids…

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that ‘kids will be kids’ and parents can only do so much. My point is that we can’t wait till they are teenagers to start parenting :)

By DB

May 20, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

I approached it a bit differently — mine turned 18 early in the fall of his senior year. I’ve never had to be big on curfews, because the kids governed themselves well. They seldom stayed out past 9 or 10 on school nights, unless it was for a special event, and Georgia driving laws meant that they had to be back by midnight on weekends, or be prepared to spend the night. All of the parents know each other, and in our group, it gradually developed that if they spent the night at a friend’s, the parent who was hosting the spend-the-night called the other parents to confirm “that it was alright” cough The kids knew we kept tabs on them!

But when they turned 18, they can vote, they start to take on adult responsibilities, and we as parents need to give them that experience so that they learn how to use it well. Yes, mistakes will be made. That’s called learning. Once he turned 18 and was out from under the Ga. driving law, our agreement was that by midnight, he would call and let me know what his plans were for the rest of the evening (we’re night owls, it worked for us). As I pointed out to him, my husband and I always know where the other is, just to be considerate and not cause the other to worry. That was all we wanted from him. I have to say that he has been extraordinarily good about it — I’ve only had to call him once at 12:30 am, and it was a case of a late movie that ran later than expected.

Our household values are such that it is completely out of the question for a boyfriend or girlfriend to spend the night. Don’t even ask.

Chores? Well of COURSE! You live in the house, you contribute to the running of the house. That’s just good manners!

By JJ

May 20, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

I did not have a curfew on graduation night. I was allowed to stay out as late as I wanted.

Also, back in the seventies in my town, we were able to drink beer and wine at 18. There were alot of “keggers” that night. Does anyone use that term anymore?

I still remember that night…….

By new mom

May 20, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

One more thought on cerfews…

My parents’ line about cerfews, when I would beg for one later then 11, was “there is nothing you need to be doing that late that you can’t legitimately do the next day” and that I would just get into trouble by staying out late.

They were right…and recently, when my husband and I were returning from a evening out, we commented on how many teenagers we saw driving out late…and I remembered my dad’s words. I wondered, “are their parents worried about them? because they should be…” I think of that commercial with the road full of cars filled with teenagers, all whom don’t come home alive. That commercial gets me choked up every time, I think of how devastating it would be to lose a child. I can’t imagine….

I worry about our daughter, that she will make wise choices, stay safe, and out of trouble. She’s only 8 mths old, but we are trying to start off right by her. :)

By old mom

May 20, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

When my sons were old enough to have a social life we developed a routine that let me know when they were home for the night. My husband and I would leave a lamp on in the living room. When the boys got home, they turned the light off.

In high school they had to be home by 11:30 weekends. Once they went to college and came home for visits the curfew was relaxed, but the light signal remained. We also asked that they let us know before midnight if they were going to be late. This worked for us. They knew we would call around if we had no idea where they were. Before everyone had a cell phone, this meant we would be calling households, and they did not want to deal with teasing friends later. They each had to call at least once during those years.

Recently, when the “baby” at age 25 came home for the Mother’s Day weekend, we used the lamp routine again, without thinking. It still works.

By Jeff

May 20, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

OK, on the ‘girlfriend spend the night’ front (or opposite, if I wind up with a daughter!):

Ummm… my first taste of being a Southern Boy was when my parents would let my then-girlfriend spend the weekends at our house. (She lived in Douglasville, I was in Cartersville and 15. We had met at a summer CHURCH camp, and my parents would drive down to pick her up once a month on Friday night and we would return her Sunday night. Of course, she also had an EXTREMELY difficult home life, and my parents were trying to rescue her as much as they could!) ANYWAYS…. she didn’t officially sleep in my room, but we were in there long after my parents went to bed. We were both still technically virgins when I left her, but that doesn’t mean other things didn’t happen!

And for THAT reason alone, I’m going with a stance of ZERO SO’s in my house after I go to sleep unless there is two rings on the female’s left hand and one on the male’s!

new mom: My parents always said the same thing about being out late, and I tend to agree with them now! (Though like you, I do see a LOT of teenagers still out on those nights when I’m out and about!)

By Melissa

May 20, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

Nothing changed for me when I graduated. I was never one to stay out all that late anyway and I had an 11:00 curfew. I never once considered what jct said, that the curfew was for my mother’s benefit, so that she could sleep knowing I was safe. I’ll never forget that when I have children of my own.

By Alan Smith

May 20, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

Damn, we have some uptight rigid people in this country… no wonder the world laughs at us.

LIGHTEN UP, PEOPLE!

By Jj

May 20, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

My kid doesn’t have a curfew, only because she very rarely goes out on school nights. If she does, she is home no later than 10:00……Now if she is out on the weekends with friends, it’s midnight.

Now that she is driving MY CAR, she must be home no later than 11:00.

When I moved back home in my 20’s, and I didn’t have my own car yet, I didn’t have a curfew, but my dad’s car did. He always told me, he didnt’ care what time I came home, but his car had to be in the garage by midnight. I was very good at that. I would have a friend follow me home, I would put Dad’s car in the garage, throw the keys on the table, and off I went back out with my friends…..

Oh yea, and there had the be the same amount of gas in the car when I returned it, as it had when I took it.

By Huck Finn

May 20, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this

(I think the figuring is better in my house than at a hotel)

I wer’nt knowed dat Mr. Twain he done started writin da blog down at da AJC!

Now thats good gernalism!

By b

May 20, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this

With a rising college sophomore home for part of the summer we did have to come to some agreements. She is going to be 20 in a few months, has a very serious boyfriend, and has her own place at school that she pays for. Her curfew was midnight after her sophomore year of high school, unless she asked ahead of time. Had a cell phone and could call no matter what. After graduation there was never any discussion of curfew, she just continued with what we had previously. She worked all summer but since she was also at home, her usual chores, etc were still her responsibility. This summer it is completely different. She has been living on her own for a year with no curfew, but is home for part of the summer to work. I have asked her to let us know when she will be home, if she won’t be home by that time, to call, she still needs to do the chores that I ask her to do, and her boyfriend cannot, absolutely cannot stay overnight in her room. He is welcomed always, but we have a guest room on the opposite end of the house, near our bedroom that he is welcomed to use. This is working and since she will only be home for about 5 weeks, it was a statisfactory arrangement for all of us. Remember, whatever you do with your oldest will filter down through to your youngest. We wanted to set the rules up front with the oldest so that the “meanest parents ever” maintain that title as the others get older.

By Todd

May 20, 2008 12:53 PM | Link to this

uhhh … what ever happened to kicking the kids out?

I graduated from high school and was out three months later for college. I came back one summer and never returned again. Tell these kids to get a life.

Get a job (and don’t tell me there are no jobs—it is called get a roommate if you can’t afford it), get an apartment, and LEAVE.

By JSP

May 20, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

Jj, what am I missing? Your comment starts with “my kid doesn’t have a curfew, but then you give three different times she needs to be home..

I like your dads car having a curfew. funny

By DB

May 20, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

I never understood the parents of college-age kids who imposed a curfew on the them when they were visiting from school. Either they are anxious for their child to leave home and are hell-bent on making it as unpleasant as possible when they do come home, or they really don’t realize that kids will begin to avoid coming home if the restrictions are too severe. In college, they are accustomed to things not starting up until 10 or 11 pm! To try to stuff them back in their high school box and fail to acknowledge their role as a young adult is a bit disrespectful of the parents, IMHO. My son said that there was a parent of one poor kid on his hall who tried to get their son to call them every night to make sure he was in his dorm by 11 pm. This is not “helicoper parenting” — this is strangulation.

At his h.s. graduation, I kept hearing about “the” party, and asked my son about it. He shrugged and said that he probably wasn’t going to make it, he was going to some other parties instead. Turns out the parents had decided to provide beer at the party, and were being “responsible” by taking car keys at the door — once yyou got there, you couldn’t leave unless picked up by a parent. I was rather proud that my son had the good sense to eschew that bacchanalia.

By Becky

May 20, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this

I never had a curfew in high school, but I knew that I had to be in contact with my Mom..So I would call & was usually home by 12-1..Worked for her..Also helped that I was usually out with 2 of my sisters, so there wasn’t much worry..

By new mom

May 20, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this

Thank you for your post, Alan Smith. You have given us all a perfect example of the negativity that parents put up with when trying to raise our children right.

There are lots of things in life that aren’t worth worrying about: chicken or tacos for dinner, whether I dress our daughter in a onesie or a dress, whether the vacuuming gets done today or tomorrow…I could go on, but my point is that NO, you’re right, we should lighten up in some areas and not sweat the small stuff.

However, not everything is ‘small stuff’. There are some ‘big stuff’ things out there, and I personally put the safety of our daughter in that column. I also think teaching her to be a responsible, caring adult who ultimately discovers her purpose and lives her life to the fullest go in the ‘big stuff’ column too.

Sorry if we parents discussing ‘big stuff’ bothers you. You would think the average joe out there would appreciate the fact that there are still some parents who take our jobs very seriously.

By JJ

May 20, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this

JSP I just re-read my post, and you are correct.

Like I said, she never really goes out, and 10:00 is her self-imposed curfew……I let her stay out till midnight on weekends.

Thanks for calling me out on that….

By MB

May 20, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

A friend’s mom once said that “There’s nothing open after midnight except legs.” LOL

I thought of that after I read above about how there’s nothing you can do after 11pm that can’t wait until the next day. My mom has always said in the past few years that nothing good goes on after midnight. For the most part, that’s true. The only thing I would disagree with is that most kids get it on with their sweethearts during after school hours while the parents aren’t home. They’re not sitting at “Lover’s Peak” at all hours of the night anymore. Today’s teen would be more likely to have sex in broad daylight because parents are always so concerned with what’s going on at night that they sometimes overlook what happens at 4pm. That’s also when kids who choose to smoke weed would be more likely to do so - after school with their friends.

Back to the topic, though…

I just finished college and I am staying at mom’s until I decide which job to pick from. Every summer when I came home, or on weekends I was home, I just let my mom know when I would be home. I was out late because of work usually, but mostly I’m a home-body lol. When people live together they need to keep up with one another, especially when they are family. I keep up with my mom when she goes out at night because I worry about her just like she worries about me.

By Lynn

May 20, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this

Since I married at 15, I never went throught the curfew stage for myself but have imposed them on my children. I do want to throw a reminder out there to some who think their kids are always home after curfew, don’t forget about slipping out after mom & dad went to bed. We all did it and our kids most likely will too, so don’t let that guard down just because a light is out or the car is in the garage. There’s always a friend that can pick you up with a flash of a light signal.

By scott

May 20, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this

“The only thing open past midnight is a pair of legs” -Words of wisdom from a grandmother; I wish I could claim this as my own.

By Emma

May 20, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this

My parents never gave me a curfew in high school because all of my friend’s had curfew’s at 10pm. They knew that as soon as everyone else had to be home that i’d come home and it worked. My parents made me think they had given me responsiblity but really they just knew I would have nothing to do by myself.

By motherjanegoose

May 20, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

Home now and this is quite interesting! Thank you Theresa for noticing. I am know to complain when something is wrong but I feel equally passionate about giving a compliment. People tell me all the time, ” I’ll bet I could do what you do and travel around the country…” I tell them, “I’ll bet you can…go for it.” Then, “well how do I start?’ Reply, “you have to convince someone to hire you….” LOL. Obviously, you have done thatTheresa and KUDOS to you. It cracks me up when people act like you are a moron…even if you are ( not) you are getting paid to do it and should laugh all the way to the bank! this does NOT mean that I always agree with you…don’t forget!

Regarding the post about paying rent and following rules ( jimbo 9:27)…I forgot all about the fact that started paying $20 per week when I reached 16 to my parents…to live with them. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? This was put in the bank for my wedding fund and paid for my wedding …what a crock…that was over 30 years ago. Of course, I had to follow their rules.

Our son graduated from HS 3 years ago and told us he was going to a party. We gave him a major lecture and covered all the rules. He and a friend located the party at a nearby hotel ( Lawrenceville Suwanee Road) and were greeted by classmates ( of both sexes) who were drunk and minimally clothed. The ( younger) uncle of one of the boys had provided plenty of beverages and left. Our son called us and told us that he would not be attending and ended up going to midnight bowling with some buddies. We were proud. This is the culmination of what newmom has said.

Maybe Alan Smith was the Uncle in that story.

By karin

May 20, 2008 2:15 PM | Link to this

curfew maybe being lifted to 12mid but nothing else changes. BTW motherjanegoose, my son would name me as the president of the mean mom club.

By new mom

May 20, 2008 2:25 PM | Link to this

Motherjanegoose, I would be proud too if our child had the discernment to leave that situation.

You can talk to kids till you’re blue in the face, but it’s ultimately up to them to make wise decisions! (I sure find myself agreeing with you a lot! :) )

By motherjanegoose

May 20, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

Emma…I am 99% sure my son never slipped out and am 100% sure my daughter never has. I never did either but I am pretty confident my husband probably did it when he was young. He tried EVERYTHING and has hyper radar as to what is going on.

By Jessica

May 20, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

I agree with what “new mom” says. I am 24 years old and have no children and live at home. I work in retail and we close every night at nine p.m. On Fridays and Saturdays the parking lot is filled with “teenyboppers” hanging out with friends, no parents in sight. I find it funny how they think they are so mature, but then go home to mommy and daddy and a safe home (most, anyways) every night. The cops are always out there patrolling, but they can’t prevent everything. Too many times I have seen “used” condoms discarded in the parking lot and behind the building, beer bottles lying around in the bushes. All this to say, it doesn’t matter what time you set your child’s curfew at. If you have raised them right starting when they were BABIES then your child will be able to make the right decisions with regard to friends, bf/gf’s, sex, drugs, alcohol, whatever. I never did any of those things when I was a teenager, but I remember having so much fun with my friends. I never had a curfew, but my parents always had to know where I was going and if I was going to be late, I knew I had to call, more for my mom’s benefit than for mine. And to all those parents out there who think it is okay to provide beer or alcohol at a post-prom or post-graduation party, let me just say that you are not helping your child by providing them a “safe” place to drink. You are crippling them for their future. You are encouraging them to break the law. Your child has plenty of “friends” their own age. What they really need is an ADULT that can stand up to them and say, “Yes, I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve made mistakes in my past, but as long as I am your parent, I am going to prevent you the heartache of making the same mistakes as I did.” Put your foot down, parents!Stand up to your kid and stop being pushovers. THAT is the real problem in our society today.

By motherjanegoose

May 20, 2008 2:49 PM | Link to this

newmom… I may not be your best mentor but every young parent needs to look at families that they admire and see how their kids turned out. Then, you emulate what they did. I did this myself, when mine were small. Kind of like if we all moved to Arizona…we would ask folks there what types of plants survive the dry climate and lack of rain. We WOULD NOT say BY GOD, THIS IS MY YARD ( OR MY KIDS) AND I WILL DO WHAT I DARN WELL PLEASE…if and only if we want our yards to look nice. If we do not care ( as some parents do not) we would do whatever the heck we want and our kids would play out that role!

FYI…DO NOT BURY YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND AND SAY MY KIDS WILL NEVER DO THAT…THEY WILL!

By Lynn

May 20, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

mothergoose - I’m also sure about my 16 yr old never slipping out but worry about the 14 yr old’s judgement being the same. I noticed a bulletin on her myspace that freinds responded to and 90% of them have already done it. I think most of it is about saying, yea, I did it but it still worries the crap out of me. With 8 sliding front doors on my house, I feel like it’s an open invite at times so I’ll just keep being my nosey self.

By JJ

May 20, 2008 3:16 PM | Link to this

My daughter and a friend snuck out of my house about 4 years ago. The dog busted them, by coming and waking me up. I’m guessing the dog was upset they went out, and she didn’t get to go.

There are no perfect kids out there, just as there are no perfect parents.

I have heard over and over, consistency is #1 in dealing with kids. And if you threaten them, be sure to follow up on your threats. That, and open communication is a must!!!

By Belle

May 20, 2008 3:27 PM | Link to this

The slipping out will be difficult in our house. Of course that is a long way off since we just have a baby and baby to be. Hubby is a night owl and is up until 2 or 3 some nights, plus with the alarm systems where if a door or window is opened it will beep…that should curb quite a bit of that. I hope!

By fk

May 20, 2008 4:31 PM | Link to this

My friend’s son got caught on the way back in. It seems he did not have a re-entry plan.

By Thor

May 20, 2008 5:07 PM | Link to this

If you have a teenage boy and there is a remote chance he might “score”, you better believe he’ll sneak out. Nohting will stop him, except the fear of God from his pop.

And he’s going after your daughter!

By nurse&mother

May 20, 2008 8:50 PM | Link to this

Jessica being a good parent and teaching them values does not guarantee that your child will always do the “right” thing. Sometimes good kids with good parents make the wrong decision. Although, I agree that if you teach your child good values/morals you have better odds of your child making better decisions.

I was a great kid, honor student with a mother that had a very short leash. She taught me a lot about right and wrong. I was certainly not perfect during my teen years. On occasion, I made bad choices. Thankfully they were not ones that harmed me. But my point is that there are no guarantees when it comes to parenting. I think that you do the best you can and cross your fingers.

By Cheryl

June 4, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this

Hi,

I’ve been reading everyone’s posts and I believe that we all have our own home’s rules and each of our children have acted differently since they were born. My child - just graduated and just turned 18 is trying out her “independance”. I’m hoping that my year’s of training and setting examples have taught her to make wise choices in her friends, places she frequents, etc. I know she will make mistakes but I thought the goal was to assist them in becoming independant adults -which means, she wanted to work in the past and now that “school” is no longer “her job” as I have informed it’s time to earn some money - but I still assure her I will provide incentives for attending college - I want her to go after her dreams now while she is still young, after all you can always do sales, work in an office, etc if the dreams don’t quite work out or change. She now drives, I waited until she was almost 18 before getting her a good used car - because I didn’t like the stats on younger age drivers so if she needed to go somewhere either I took her or had one of her friend’s drive her - but they had to had been driving with their license at least a year before she could ride with them. I have some different rules because I’ve tried to incorporate our generation’s rules with each decades changing circumstances. I don’t think I’m naive or that “I don’t care” just breaking her in a little at a time and once again supporting another saying of mine to her, “you have every right to make your own mistakes and triumps as any other person on this earth and to live and learn by them. I’m not a prude either - what is good for the goose is good for the gander - I’ve just taught her to protect her health, physical and emotional and take the opportunities that she wants and doesn’t feel forced into. I want her to be a “formidable woman”. I don’t like the young adults’ mores, thoughts and actions from the last decade or two and I’m hoping she will want to be a productive, responsible adult with ambitions and virtues.