MOMania

By motherjanegoose

May 12, 2008 7:27 AM | Link to this

Some of our neighbors think that it isn’t a party if there is no booze. Too bad.

We had an ice cream sundae backyard party at the end of school about 6 years ago ( to celebrate the kid’s success) and it was crashed with liquor.

If you are hosting a venue, I think it is rude for someone else to advise you what to have or even bring it over without checking in with you…just my opinion.

You are the planner and you get to choose what will be offered.

I find that those who want to tell YOU what to do are the same ones who never have it at their house.

Once, I had a cookout and ( since I always have neighbors with issues) I sent out this blurb: We would love to have you join us but realize that no matter what date we pick it will not work for everyone. We hope you can make it but if not, we look forward to visiting with you in your back yard, when you host the next venue. I got no complaints ( as I had previously) and of course another venue did not happen. LOL

Off to work…have a super day!

By Norcross Katie

May 12, 2008 7:38 AM | Link to this

Of course it’s okay. Beer for the adults and juice, water or soda for the youngsters. The adults don’t have to partake, but it could be an option.

By Michael

May 12, 2008 7:39 AM | Link to this

No, I do not think they should.

By Calvin

May 12, 2008 7:41 AM | Link to this

Booze has no place around youngsters, especially teens. If adults must drink alcohol, they should have their own party and go somewhere else to drink. If a drinker attended a party I was hosting for kids, they would be asked to leave. If you must drink all the time, you are an alcoholic and need help.

By Gail

May 12, 2008 7:54 AM | Link to this

No. It has no place at a kids party. And how are those kids getting home? In the car with one of those adults who drank. Bad example to set for all the kids attending.

By CD

May 12, 2008 7:56 AM | Link to this

Wow Calvin…I don’t necessarily agree with alcohol at a kids party, but where did that “drink all the time” and “alcoholic” comment come from?

By Ex-Northerner

May 12, 2008 8:00 AM | Link to this

From a legal standpoint, if you serve it and an adult has an accident on the way home and is charged with DUI, you could be sued by both involved parties for having provided the alcohol.

I think it is totally acceptable, especially when the event is a kid’s party, to say that the event is a kid’s party so you were not planning on providing any beer. However, if any parent wants to bring it for themselves, they may.

By kev

May 12, 2008 8:09 AM | Link to this

This is a party for kids…I would not serve or drink beer or anythingelse…I think it shows the wrong message

By Ebaby

May 12, 2008 8:11 AM | Link to this

Ive been on vacation and have been catching up on the blogs from last week. I missed some good topics. Back to today’s…

I havent been faced with this yet. I have only hosted a baptism celebration and wine and beer seemed okay since the invited guests were all adults. If I were hosting a child’s birthday party, I probably wouldnt think to provide alcohol since the guest list would be made of children. Is it typical to invite parents to the parties or do they just hang around to avoid the drop-off/pick-up routine?

By John

May 12, 2008 8:12 AM | Link to this

It shouldn’t, but I’m not for making a law against it or anything like that. When I was a kid drunks at birthday parties where amusing. The fights, the wife swapping, the divorces, hehe.

By Parent

May 12, 2008 8:14 AM | Link to this

When you host an event you can dictate whether alcohol is permitted. We’ve hosted end of the year school parties and had no alcohol as it was school-related. But I have no problem serving adults with alcohol during a kids’ birthday party just as I’d serve alcohol at a cook-out or other event that had kids present.

By big bad john

May 12, 2008 8:18 AM | Link to this

no boooze, no cruise!!

By JJ

May 12, 2008 8:20 AM | Link to this

Yes, I always have. And the majority of my friends serve alcohol at their kids parties too.

If we were at some place like Chuck E. Cheese, I would order beer for the adults. If the party is at my house, there is a cooler full of beer and wine in the fridge. If you don’t like it, then don’t drink. I don’t have a problem with it.

It’s a party, relax and enjoy.

By LMNOP

May 12, 2008 8:22 AM | Link to this

That sounds like our party from a couple of weeks ago and yes, we served beer. It was a much welcomed option for the dads at the party while the kids had their fun. No one overindulged themselves and everything was fine. And to everyone who thinks it’s a bad example, if kids learn about how to be around people who handle alcohol responsibly, maybe they’ll be responsible with it when their time comes around.

By J

May 12, 2008 8:23 AM | Link to this

HA! I’m an entertainer for kids’ birthday parties— trust me, 75% of the time, there’s always booze there.

And don’t get me started on those who want “herbal refreshments” for their parties. Even the Buckhead mommies.

By fk

May 12, 2008 8:34 AM | Link to this

Is it a kiddie party or a party? If you’re talking two adults and 12 kids, then I probably would not consider serving alcohol in a bar setting as we would at an adult party, but it would be available if someone wanted a beer or a glass of wine. If every kid was coming with at least one parent, I would serve it openly.

I think it’s fine to serve alcohol to adults at a party where kids are present. Everything in moderation. If you hide alcohol from children, where are they supposed to learn to consume responsibly? Some of our friends drink, others don’t. My husband does not drink alcohol, but whenever we invite anyone over, we like to have on hand whatever it is their drink of preference is, tea, juice, beer, etc. We consider it good hospitality.

By Thor

May 12, 2008 8:39 AM | Link to this

The booze debate is always strong in the South, mostly due to religious overtones.

If adults are going to be hanging around, sure - serve booze. Especially if the party is being held during Cocktail Hour.

By Lisa

May 12, 2008 8:44 AM | Link to this

I agree with LMNOP. There is a continuum here - I’m agreeing with a beer or a small glass of wine as being okay. A keg party with funnels is not okay. It’s not all or nothing. There is a difference between a few social drinks handled responsibly and parents getting drunk.

If a family disagrees with alcohol use and is a “dry” house at other times, then they shouldn’t have to serve alcohol during any party. I respect that as a family belief and decision. Even those who drink on other occasions have the right to not serve alcohol at their kid’s party. I do want to say that generally speaking,kids learn by example and showing children that social drinking comes with responsibility, caution and following limits is a good thing. It teaches them how to make good choices and decisions. I saw my parents drink responsibly and set limits as a teen. I never thought alcohol was that big of a deal. My Mom didn’t allow soft drinks and I remember buying groceries for myself for the first time in college - I loaded up on Coke. For many years I gulped those 18 years worth of forbidden soda several times over! In my sorority, the girls who got the drunkest and abused alcohol were those who were never around it growing up and were hell bent on making up for that. With my son, my husband and I plan on letting him see that alcohol is an adult item and comes with responsibility.

By SCY

May 12, 2008 8:54 AM | Link to this

Doesn’t sound like such a great idea…but then again maybe these are people that can’t go more than a few hours without a drink

By Lisa

May 12, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this

When inviting children and adults to a children’s party I offer kiddy beverages, such as juice boxes, and offer adult beverages, such beer, coke, water. I keep the beer in separate cooler.

By Motorcyclist

May 12, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

I drink lots of beer. In fact I brew my own beer. I made the mistake of visiting Germany and finding out what REAL beer tastes like. Anyway, it is your party, and it is for a child, booze should not be expected. If you have it, it should be a low keyed part of the event.

By chocoholic

May 12, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

Since I do not drink, nor does my family, my friends would not expect there to be booze at a party at my house regardless of who the party is for. It is a foreign thought for me to imagine that there is the expectation of alcohol to be served at a child’s birthday party, but maybe I live in a bubble?

By Becky

May 12, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

No booze should not be served at a party for kids..If an adult wants to go to a party to drink, then it should be a party for adults only..

By Perkle

May 12, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

Seems inappropriate for a kids party. But I know people as well that think alcohol must be present at every function no matter the occasion. Very sad.

By FCM

May 12, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

Depends on your comfort level and the type of party your having. In this case a kids birthday party—kids invite and where the parents decide to stay? No probably wouldn’t serve it. A kids party where the adults are invited so it becomes a families party? I might if that was the comfort zone I am in.

I do not hide adult beverages or my consumption (limited) of them from my children. I have no intention of teaching them that they should ‘hide’ if they are drinking. In fact, I prefer they be open and honest about it.

Now, with graduations just a few weeks away….again, if the party is for the graduates only (ie lots of teens) no booze. If (as I had) it is for friends of various ages—meaning teachers and parents who are important in the grads life…yes, I probably would do a BBQ with beer/wine….in fact we did do that for my grad back with the cavemen (haha). Those below the legal age did not drink the beer/wine, but the mature adults (ie people my parents age) did.

I do agree with MJG that it is rude for guests to tell you to make sure to pick up the beer….Unless you were running the list by your friend to make sure you didn’t miss anything…in which case you were open to the suggestion….THAT would have been the time to say, we don’t think alcohol at this party is appropriate.

By Thor

May 12, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

Bottom line, whoever is the King or Queen of the house having the party sets the rules.

Alcohol is a hot button issue within the denominations of Baptists, Methodists, Evangelicals and LDS based on their religious convictions (the vast majority in the South are Baptists and Methodists who do frown upon consumption of alcohol, hence the debate of Sunday alcohol sales in Georgia).

Has anyone ever been to a Catholic Confirmation party? The child is somewhere between 8 to 12 with lots of other children around, but it is a celebration with LOTS of booze. Even the Priest will take several glasses. Bar Mitzvah’s are a kids party but the booze flows at an incredible rate and people will get tanked. Russian Orthodox Priests will often times drink a shot of Vodka after Easter ceremonies - with children around.

I’ve been to a lot of Baptist weddings where booze was not served; personally, I found it bizarre but that’s fine, after all its their wedding. If you are inviting adults to a kiddy party it would be customary to serve beer and wine especially considering the time of the day. If people know you’re home is “dry” then so be it - its your home after all.

There is no harm in serving alcohol at a children’s party.

By CPT

May 12, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this

I don’t understand why so many people assume that providing alcohol is equivilant to a drunken free-for-all. Most adults are cabable of having a beer with their hamburger without any issues.

I always provide beer/wine for my adult guests (even my children’s birthday parties). I have no problem with children witnessing responsible drinking.

By mayretter local

May 12, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

BYOB to a kids party is definitely unwelcomed, unless you know beforehand that it’s ok. otherwise, it’s the choice of the host whether to serve adult beverages. and if the “adults” imbibing can’t control themselves, that’s another issue entirely. responsible drinking is key!!!

By CD

May 12, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

It’s the decision of the host as to whether or not to serve alcohol. Anyone who has issues with this decision has every right to decline the invitation without turning the situation into an opportunity to pass moral judgement. I am not a drinker, but I certainly do not feel it is my place to dictate what others do…

By RJ

May 12, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

Hmmm….I had this very conversation with my husband one year when he felt it was okay to serve alcohol to the adult guests. In my opinion, that’s for an adult party. It just ain’t about the grown folks. My son will be having a pool party in two weeks and I know this will come up again because it was a few years ago when we discussed it last. But I stand firm in my beliefs. My parents didn’t drink, so it just seems strange to me. Let the kids have their day. Parents can celebrate their own party with all the alcohol they want!

By Jeff

May 12, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

I’m with the moderation crowd.

If you’re having/at a kiddie party and the dads (or moms, but not both - though even this may be bent, depending on personal tolerances) have a beer or two, I’m gonna see that as not a big deal.

If, however, you’re at a kiddie party and the dads (see above caveat) are throwing back shots and beers like they are at the local bar on Saturday night, you’ve got bigger issues.

Personally, though I don’t get to do it anymore - MIL issues - I don’t mind having a beer after I get home every once in a while and see no problem with drinking responsibly around kids.

Now, on the ‘if the kid never sees it’ front: It really could go either way, depends on the person. I am a first-born, order follower/law abider by nature (mostly) and have never really drank that much after having my first on my 21st bday. Younger bro is slightly wilder and started drinking around 17 or so (he was a jock), and at this point has a tolerance FAR higher than my own, even though he is 3yrs younger than me. (Meaning he hasn’t even been legal for a year yet!)

By Debby

May 12, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

What ever happened to a kids’ birthday party being only kids? I find the whole thing where parents have to go also very bizarre. Of course that’s a separate issue.

Serving beer or wine would be fine with me. Actually if I have to go to a kids’ birthday party, I want it!

By cantonjim

May 12, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Personally I behave as I wish and do not let my actions be affected by how your precious little snowflakes are influenced. If you cannot bestow proper behavior and values on you offspring don’t have kids.

By Jason

May 12, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

So long as adults are around, there’s nothing wrong with kids drinking beer at a party.

By C

May 12, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

Of course it’s ok. We had a full keg at our daughters first communion party. Kids arn’t drinking it.

By Jimbo

May 12, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

I love the judgmental tones in some of these posts. Just because an adult enjoying an adult beverage offends your delicate sense of propriety doesn’t mean I’m a raging alcoholic. Tell me, when is the right age for your darling to see alcohol consumed responsibly by adults? 10? 15? 18? 25? Will you be the kind of parent who has a beer with their kid when they turn 21? In my family one of the great bonding times if when we all gather for dinner and the men, young and old, gather around and talk and drink a little. The ones who aren’t of age don’t imbibe but are welcome to sit and talk with us just the same. I think it’s a great tradition honestly.

By Brad

May 12, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

You guys have touched on about everything. I’m a believer in moderation and responsibility on just about all things in life. It really is up to the host/hostess of the party. I see no problem drinking responsibly around my kids - which means if I’m driving within a few hours I have 0-2 beers. No I don’t have to have alcohol to have a good time, but I enjoy a cold beer/glass of wine with salty grilled foods just like my coffee w/ choc cake. And someone mentioned the influence of your parents can go both ways and I would agree. My Dad was an alcoholic when I was watching him growing up. Mom allowed me to have a beer as a senior in HS as long as I stayed at the house and went nowhere. In my case, the mystery of it wasn’t there and I pretty much behaved with it my whole life. Three different preachers’ kids I knew went berserk when they got to college and about flunked out because they drank/smoked pot as much as they could any opportunity they got. I also knew alcoholics that were children of alcoholics, and preachers’ kids that were good as gold and still are to this day. Once again, everyone is different and responds to the environment they grew up in differently. For me and mine - it’s fine for limited drinking around kids. However, YOU make the rules for your house and your young’uns.

By Allie

May 12, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

If you find that your adult guests cannot handle their alcohol around children, then it is perfectly acceptable to call a cab to take them home safely.

I grew up in a big family where drinkers and non-drinkers partied and socialize just fine together—kids or no kids. Enjoying a beer is not the same thing as being an alcoholic, and I agree with FCM—kids shouldn’t be taught that drinking is something to be hidden.

By Geoff

May 12, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

One should not expose kids to alcohol consumption. No need to take this to the extreme by commenting about drunken free for alls, wife swapping, etc. Save the alcohol for adults only functions. I drink sometimes, have no problem with it in moderation, but we should set an example for our kids. This is a kids party, not an adult party.

By Jeff

May 12, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Line of the day award (so far) goes to Debby:

Actually if I have to go to a kids’ birthday party, I want it!

I could not agree with this statement more!!!

By vee

May 12, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Wow. What a timely topic. It would never have occurred to me to offer child’s birthday cake and beer! But, I do know some “decent people” who always offer a drink to the adults. Each to his own.
I have an observation, however about a situation that came up earlier. I was a member in a “support group” once. The common denomenator is that all of us were parents or guardians of teens who were court mandated to attend the group. Most of the kids’ major issues were drug/alcohol problems. As you can image, this was a big topic for our group. There was one family who was adament about ALWAYS serving beer at every opportunity. (Every meal, every day; every sporting event on tv, etc.) Of course, his son “helped” clean up and always finished off the leftovers. I’ll never forget how that dad had no concept that this was a bad idea. He had the RIGHT to drink whenever he wanted. Period. Needless to say, we were all stunned that this guy just didn’t get it. As parents we have to be flexible about our wants and desires when they conflict with the best interests of our children.
Back to the main point here - I wouldn’t think of serving alcohol at a child’s party. On the other hand, I wouldn’t be offended or decline an invitation to a party that did unless, of course, they were turning a blind eye to young people in attendance with drug and/or alcohol problems. Also - I wouldn’t let an adult who was impaired drive home. Just common sense, I guess.

By Allie

May 12, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

Haha… I’ve enjoyed the judgmental tones in these posts as well. Before you judge others for “exposing” their children to legal adults enjoying a beer, consider how you expose your own children to spiteful gossip and judgmental remarks.

By One

May 12, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

I have a question…….

At what (child’s) age is it no longer appropriate to have alcohol on hand for a child party?

I ask this because it has obviously become very common for parents to stick around for the kiddie parties, but we know that doesn’t last long, tweens/teens don’t expect mom/dad to stay for the party (except for the host mom/dad). So do you no longer keep the seperate beer/wine cooler on hand? We (most of us) also know that the tween/teen age is when curiousity about these things increase. I certainly don’t advise sneaking (after all you are grown, they’re not!), just wondering how “liberal” folks would be……..

By Bill

May 12, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

I don’t even have kids so why are you asking me????

By Thor

May 12, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

You can have booze on hand for all children’s parties; its commonly done and is no big deal. Most Irish-Catholic families are incredibly strict in parenting however booze is common in the house and at celebrations.

If the child is going to cheat, sneak it experiment, etc I wouldn’t worry about booze if the kid has been exposed (which also means, seeing drunks too and their stupidity!). I would be more concerned about your medicine cabinet, aerosols, glue, etc.

To each their own and there is nothing wrong with banning booze. Italians, Poles, Irish, Germans, Russians and Greeks have parties for kids and have booze flowing first thing in the morning. My child has seen drunks before (at an adult party) but we haven’t had anyone tanked at a kiddie party - normally because its too early in the day.

By Ed T

May 12, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

Yes, it’s okay. Most of the people attending our kids parties ( and we theirs) are people that live in our subdivision. They walk over and walk home. We all know each other and look out for each others children. I don’t see how drinking a beer at a children’s party is going to change the way we act towards one another. Serve the beer in plastic cups if you have an issue with the can or bottle.

By Sobecat

May 12, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

Of course it’s ok. What part of Alabama do some of you people live in?

By Tracey

May 12, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

Would you want the cafeteria workers at your children’s school drinking beer during lunch time? What is the difference when adults are drinking during a kids’ party? Beer and kids never go together PERIOD!

By Lauren

May 12, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

Some folks are so puritanical. Glad I’m not friends with anyone like that. We offer beer and wine at all of our gatherings. No one drinks to excess and it has never been a problem. Some of you need to lighten up and get the stick out of your rear.

By Elaine

May 12, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

Why should a host/hostess want to also be responsible for the adults who don’t drink responsibly? It’s too much of a risk. Enjoy the party without getting snookered. If you need alcohol to help you get through a kid’s party, there’s a problem.

By Sobecat

May 12, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

“Why should a host/hostess want to also be responsible for the adults who don’t drink responsibly? It’s too much of a risk. Enjoy the party without getting snookered. If you need alcohol to help you get through a kid’s party, there’s a problem. “

Who says they have to get snookered?

By Larry M

May 12, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this

I can’t believe some of the neoprohibitionist blather on here. Just because I would like to drink a beer at a kid’s party, how does that make me an alcoholic or unable to “go an hour” without a drink? Look, if you don’t drink alcohol, then don’t serve it. Personally, I will always have alcohol at my kids’ parties when other adults will be there. I would expect the same at other peoples’ houses, but if you don’t want to drink - then don’t. It’s that simple. Moderate consumption of adult beverages in front of kids is a great example of responsible consumption of alcohol. Obviously those of you who are so anti-alcohol must have no ability to control yourselves around it, otherwise it wouldn’t be a big deal for you. Frankly having a couple of beers at some of these parties makes the party (and some of the other parents) tolerable.

By mom of 2

May 12, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

yea Allie! I love the way some people need to make rules for everyone!! To each his own. My daughter has a summer birthday. I always have her parties starting around 5 pm, since it is so hot. They are always around the pool, and we have some sort of theme. I serve a kiddie dinner and an adult dinner. For the kids juice or a theme drink and for the adults soda, beer, wine and water! Everyone has fun.
As Allie was saying there is no need to be so judgemental. Also tracey what in the world are you talking about with cafeteria workers? How does that even fit?

By JSP

May 12, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

Would you want the cafeteria workers at your children’s school drinking beer during lunch time?

What a ridiculous comparison.

By DB

May 12, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this

I think it comes down to this: Serve beer if you want to. Don’t serve beer if you don’t want to. I, personally, don’t have any problem with serving alcohol around kids. It does no harm for kids to learn and see alcohol being used responsibly BY ADULTS. Pretending it doesn’t exist is ostrich-head-in-the-sand thinking. Kids learn responsible driving from their parents, and they learn responsible drinking, too, given the opportunity. For example, we have a favorite restaurant that we sometimes hit during their “bottomless marguerita” night. As a gift to my husband, I stick to tea. He has a couple of margueritas, and I drive home. It’s not a big deal — he is NEVER “drunk” — and the kids have a living example of how to handle a common situation matter-of-factly and responsibly.

I do think it was a bit rude of your friend to “remind” you to provide beer — it’s your party, after all, and your choice whether or not to serve alcohol. For all the reasons you might choose not serve alcohol, being afraid of having alcohol around the kids should not be one of them. I think that, since the parents are also invited to be part of the party, it would be OK to provide beer. If the party was just for the kids, and the parents were just hanger-ons, they’d have to make do with lemondade!

Either way, I don’t think you have to justify your decision to serve or not to serve to ANYONE. It’s YOUR house and your choice.

By DB

May 12, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

Tracey, I hate to be judgemental, but that comment about the cafeteria worker has GOT to just about the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. There’s a HUGE difference between drinking on the job (a hanging offense in most jobs, unless you’re a wine taster!) and kicking back a cold one at a party. Do you truly not see the difference?

By Jeff

May 12, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this

DB’s last sentence of her 12:28 is now in contention for the line of the day award.

By KEV

May 12, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this

JSP and Mom of 2beat me to ya Tracey.

By motherjanegoose

May 12, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this

Home now and have enjoyed the dialogue ( sp?). Our neighbors take their children trick or treating and pull a wagon full of beers or a keg along so that they can imbibe all the way through the neighborhood. Are they driving…no…but is this setting a good example? I would never dream of doing this! My father in law gave my 2 year old nephew a few sips of beer at a family gathering over 20 years ago. I told my husband that if he EVER did this with our kids ( we did not have them at the time) we would never be back. Some folks are more prudent on this topic because of the sidewalk they walk on.

By Louana

May 12, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

Welcome to the “Bible Belt of the South”. Maybe this state can prohibit me from buying alcohol on Sundays, but NO ONE will stop me from serving it to my guests in my own home. If they don’t like it, please stay home.

By JJ

May 12, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this

JSP - what a stupid comment. The blog is about alcohol at PARTIES, not school lunches.

By Larry M

May 12, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this

Re: motherjanegoose - I would not give a 2 year old a sip of beer, but I definitely intend on giving my son sips of beer possibly beginning around age 7 or 8. My dad shared a little beer with me at that age and I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. It’s never too early to start lessons of responsible enjoyment/consumption.

I would have never thought to take around beer trick-or-treating, but it sounds like a brilliant idea! What exactly is “bad” about the example they are setting doing this?

By JJ

May 12, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

JSP - OOPS sorry. I blasted the wrong person. My apologies……

By Marie

May 12, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

Okay I just had to post something here with all of the blather about if you drink you must be an alcoholic. I dont have kids but being in my mid 20’s a lot of my friends have kids and of course I get invited to these events. There is always beer, wine, and whatever at them, why would their friends come to an event without it? I think the Parents need it themselves to get through 3-4 hours of kiddie party activities, and hey the reason I live in the city is so I dont have to drive when I have been drinking, I can walk or take a cab. The more you make alcohol secretive to kids insted of just a part of life the more likely they are to be fascinated by it and want to try when they are in their teens.

By JJ

May 12, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

mother We used to do that in my old neighborhood, a wagon with a cooler full of beer and wine……..then when we got home, the kids would eat their candy, and the parents would come over to my house drink our alcohol.

By Al K. Hall

May 12, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

I grew up around alcohol. My parents both drank, their friends drank, and my relatives all drank. Someone was always having a party. Family gatherings had alcohol. Bridge parties had alcohol.

Anytime more than two people are gathered, it’s a party, and Al K. Hall will be there!!

By Sobecat

May 12, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

The people that are so against it are the same ones that will have their 30-year-old living with them because they are afraid of the real world.

By Ronda

May 12, 2008 1:14 PM | Link to this

Not a big deal unless the parents plan on getting wasted. A child’s party is NOT the event for that. Having a beer during a hot day while the kids are playing is not a bad thing.

Agree that it is your house and if you don’t serve it oh well.

By ManOfTeal

May 12, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

Why is this question even being asked?

If I am hosting it at my house, kids party or not…There will be alcohol.

The kids get juice.

If you can’t handle that, don’t come to my party.

By steve

May 12, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

So many adults today drink alchohol, I don’t think the party thrower should assume someone won’t bring it. If you don’t care to have any at your party that’s fine. You may want to mention it on the invitation though so adults are clear.

By motherjanegoose

May 12, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this

Our college son just lost a friend who was 24 and left a party drunk. His car keys were taken away from him but he broke into his car and got the other set. I am personally not opposed to any adult having a drink or two but whenever this is the only way to have fun, you have got to wonder.

I just met another Mother who introduced met o her wonderful daughter that just graduated ( with honors) from Tech. She interviewed with several prestigious jobs and turned a good possibility down because ( as the mother told me) it was in a small town with only 2 bars. Am I missing something here?

By Sobecat

May 12, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this

Motherjanegoose, a kid just out of college probably wants places to socialize with people her age. Plus, many people just don’t want to live in small towns.

By Nomo

May 12, 2008 1:34 PM | Link to this

Perhaps a bit simplistic, but my thoughts are the kid’s parties are for the kids. Period. The kids parties are not for adults. There are, or should be, plenty of non-alcoholic beverage choices at the party that any and all can enjoy. Alcohol is an indulgence, and is for the adults. In my mind it is just being selfish of us adult wishing to satisfy our indulgence at a child’s event. We have ample opportunities to do that without having to do it at their event. Let them have their moments of innocent childhood without us satisfying our own desires at their function.

By Sobecat

May 12, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

Nomo, how does an adult having a beer affect the child’s event? That’s just insane imo.

By Thor

May 12, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

Mother Jane Goose,

Your friend’s daughter is marketable and in her 20’s; who would want to be locked up in a two horse town with no chance for fun? Yes, you are missing something - having fun when you’re young!

By andrew

May 12, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

Sure, my house my rules! If I want a drink then I can have one. If I want to offer other parents a drink then I will. If we as parents can’t model appropriate behavior with alcohol who is going to do it, their friends when they get to be teens?!?!

Check out Dadlabs (I’m not affiliated) take on it: [http://www.dadlabs.com/home/2007/11/13/214-the-lounge-beer-at-kids-birthday-parties.html]

By Allison

May 12, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

Neither my husband nor I drink alcohol, so people are used to us only having soft drinks, tea, lemonade, juice, etc. available when we have a birthday party for our daughter or a cookout for our friends/family. Even though we have friends/family who do occasionally drink, they’ve never tried to ask that we include an option with alcohol, nor have they ever asked about doing BYOB.

We recently went to the birthday party of a little girl and her parents did have beer available, but it was not only not in the same cooler, if somebody wanted one, they had to go out to the garage to get it. It made sense to me that they had it available if anybody wanted it, but that they also made it just inconvenient enough that you would have to exert extra effort to get it and it also greatly reduced the chance of any of the kids accidentally getting one for themselves. Also, the party was one where both parents of an invited child were welcome, so it wasn’t just a kid with a parent killing time, it was a family-geared event.

By motherjanegoose

May 12, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

There you go…I guess I am just too old. I have lived in 6 states ( more than most) and never thought about locating near a variety of bars as being the primary draw. WHOODA THUNK IT?

By Duck

May 12, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this

I think this situation gives us an opportunity to teach the children that drinking is OK, but drunkenness is not.

Where will our children learn to handle alcohol responsibly if we don’t model for them. Similarly, if your ethic is to abstain, your children should learn that too.

Time to act like grown-ups ourselves.

By Judy

May 12, 2008 2:08 PM | Link to this

At a party for a 5 yo, your child isn’t quite ready to start asking but I will tell you my 11 yo would. My husband drinks maybe 1 beer a week. Recently, my 11 yo came to me and asked why his dad drinks beer. I think it is difficult for him to understand why ADVANCE (what used to be DARE) tells kids not to drink, that it is harmful, etc., yet his dad drinks. He even asked why his dad didn’t drink non-alcoholic beer instead.

As kids get older, some of these issues start to get harder to deal with. I had a talk with my husband and suggested, politely, at least for now, if he wants a beer to do it away from the kids.

By Stacey

May 12, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this

I have a “dry” house and don’t serve alcohol even at adult parties. Because of the liability issues that someone else brought up, I don’t even do BYOB at my house. I have a few alcoholics in my family who don’t understand the meaning of moderation so I just say no across the board. The ones who feel like they must have it chose not to come and that works for all involved with (usually) no hard feelings. I had my son’s birthday party at a bowling alley and one of the fathers bought a mug of beer and no one objected. (Most of the adults also bowled).

Now on the otherhand, if I bring my child to your house and you chose to serve alcohol, I will just won’t drink any. I have several relatives and friends who serve alcohol at all occasions and simply drink something non-alcholic. I don’t expect them to hide their drinks from my child in their own homes. If I feel that their drinking and/or behavior is getting out of control, I politely leave.

By new mom

May 12, 2008 2:15 PM | Link to this

In response to the ‘exposure to alcohol prevents future abuse’ and the related ‘non-exposure creates alcoholics and binge drinkers’ theories, I would like to offer up mine and my husband’s personal experiences. Disagree if you’d like, but these are our experiences.

My husband’s family always had alcohol present at every function. It was just a normal part of life for him to witness his family members drinking. Not necessarily getting drunk, but drinking ‘socially’. As he grew up, his mother gave him an occasional beer, and probably thought she was doing OK, by exposing him to it early. Well, he continued drinking, heavily, through high school and college, and the alcohol abuse turned into experimenting with drugs, which he says he likely wouldn’t have tried, had he not ‘learned’ to like alcohol. He says now he learned by example from his mother that alcohol was OK. Now, she probably never said explicitly “son, it’s OK for you to drink alcohol as a child/teenager”, but she set the example and showed it was an acceptable thing to do.

On the flip side, my parents would probably be accused by some on this board of being the crazed puritanical parents who did not drink in front of me. They didn’t drink period, and I think they just didn’t like it. They taught me that some people drink, and as long as they are of legal age, it’s their right. However, it wasn’t what they choose, and they took the time to explain some of the cons of drinking: it’s expensive, easy to abuse, and dulls your senses. I went off to college and yes, tried the occasional drink, but didn’t abuse it—actually didn’t care for it all that much. I saw the trouble some friends would get into when they drank, and that just cemented what I had learned as a child.

Speaking now from a child and teenager development angle (from my education degree, former teacher, and teenage mentor for over 10 yrs) there are 3 things I have learned about kids that apply to this issue. One, they can see through an adult very quickly. If their parent tells them not to drink, yet that parent drinks, they will view them as a hypocrite. Like it or not, they weigh what they hear from you against what they see you do. Two, they have a hard time distinguishing between how an action (such as drinking) is perfectly fine if you are a certain ‘legal’ age, yet not if you are under it. That just doesn’t compute, so if they are 16, it will be hard to explain that they are not allowed to do something until they are legal. (if ‘waiting till you’re legal’ is your main parental argument) The third—-no matter what, the example their parents set is the biggest factor in what they will choose and not choose to do.
For us personally, we don’t plan to drink in front of our daughter, no matter her age (we aren’t big drinkers anyway) but acknowledge that there will be drinking that happens in front of her as she grows up. She can’t grow up in a bubble! But we will teach her that there are reasons she might not want to drink, and give her enough information to hopefully make smart decisions as she grows up. And to be honest, I never want her to smell alcohol and think of her mommy.

Wow I almost forgot to answer the question posed by Theresa…but I suppose now it’s pretty obvious…no, we will not serve alcohol at our child’s party.

Have a great day, everyone! :)

By CD

May 12, 2008 2:25 PM | Link to this

As if the simple question was “never” going to lead to all this mess…ha ha ha..that’s funny

By Jamie

May 12, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

If kids are around, you are an example - make it a good one.

Seriously, does alcohol have to be where ever you are? If so, why?

By JJ

May 12, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

Judy YOU need to teach/inform/educate your kid about alcohol, not the (government) schools. They like to scare the young kids of the dangers of alcohol.

If your child asks why dad drinks, don’t make dad go to the garage and HIDE it. Inform your child about alcohol and that it isn’t ALL bad. Tell your child, dad is a responsible, grown up adult, who works very hard, and likes to relax with a beer, and if he wants a beer in his own home, then he has every right to drink that beer.

You need to educate your kids about drugs and alcohol. Don’t leave it up to the schools……

By ga girl

May 12, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

I just wanted to comment and voice my opinion and that is I would not serve alcohol at a kid party and would not allow my child attend a party where alcohol is served/allowed. I am 61 yrs old and Ive seen the ‘hell’ alcohol can cause, for some people. My dad was an alcoholic and my 40 yr. old son is an alcoholic. At this time my son is in rehab after many trips to jail. All these trips to jail are alcohol related. When I was younger (30-50) I was divorced, wild, having a party. I was always around alcohol at night around bars and weekend hanging out at my favorite bar. I user to wonder how a person could have ‘fun’ w/out alcohol. And then one day I realized and made aware of my purpose in life and now I know how to have a fun life w/out it and that name is JESUS! When you serve God there is not room for alcohol in your life.I don’t think you will die and go to hell for taking a drink, but I do believe we will be accountable for what we say and do in front of our children.. I love God with all my heart and soul and all I said is how I feel and my opinion.

By PTCMomma

May 12, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

It’s your home, your choice. As to the poster who said Methodists are anti-drinkers, you must not go know folks at the methodist church we attend. We chose the United Methodist church because people in that church tend to be relaxed about legalism, including drinking, and most we’ve met do drink (not excessively, for the most part).

By Larry M

May 12, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

Judy - wow, I’m sad to say you really blew a great opportunity to educate your child. You could have told him that alcohol, per se, is not evil. That consumed in a controlled, responsible way is very normal behavior and enjoyable. That in fact alcohol can, consumed in moderation, have a beneficial impact on your health. But that at 11 years old, you’re too young to know how to consume it responsibly and that’s why you shouldn’t.

Instead, you chose to admonish your husband, make him feel like a criminal in his own home, and reinforced the irrational views of ‘ADVANCE’ or ‘DARE’ that all alcohol is evil and should never be touched - thereby only increasing its’ lure to children.

Stacey - very rational approach to things.

By Thor

May 12, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

Orthodox, Catholic and Episcopal Priests I’ve all had a beer with - in front of children.

One Catholic Priest (a friend of the family, a Jesuit) asked the ten year old to get him a beer during the Notre Dame game!

By Be a real parent!

May 12, 2008 2:37 PM | Link to this

I am so tired of our entire society being based on someone else’s “precious little angels.” PLEASE your kids are no more special than anybody else’s, and your constant hovering and worrying is creating an entire generation of self-centered little brats who think the world revolves around them and they deserve every little thing they want. Do me a favor, when you get home tonight, spank your kids. Reason or not, it will do us all some good. Especially your kids!

By Joyce

May 12, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

I don’t have/haven’t had a problem serving alcohol to people of legal drinking age at my son’s birthday parties here at the house. As others have said, most people know how to control themselves, given the context of a kid’s party. The issue doesn’t usually come up if you have the party away from home,like at a Chucky Cheese or something like that, where alcohol isn’t even an option.

Somone commented on the college grad turning down a job in a small town with only 2 bars. I have another take, from my own experience: it’s very hard to find any kind of social activity in a small town if you’re not from there, unmarried and have no children. Anyway, that was my experience, FWIW.

By JJ

May 12, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this

When I was younger (30-50) I was divorced, wild, having a party. I was always around alcohol at night around bars and weekend hanging out at my favorite bar.

UUMMM, don’t you think that may be WHY your kid has a drinking problem???? You were out at bars, drinking every night and weekends, and not at home raising your kid………who was watching him while you were out partying?

By ManOfTeal

May 12, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

Why is it that the religious people always have the most depressing stories?

This is not the pulpit, if you don’t drink fine, if you drink fine, as for Jesus and God and all that nonsense, go preach crazy someplace else. Thanks.

By Tracey

May 12, 2008 2:52 PM | Link to this

Cafeteria workers drinking while your kids are eating lunch at school IS a comparassion of adults drinking beer while kids are eating and playing at a children’s birthday party. Come on people, why drink in front of kids at all? It is just not necessary.

By Crysty

May 12, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this

A kids party is suppose to be just that. If it is for the kid, it should be centered around the kid. Therefore, there is no reason to serve alcohol. If the adults want to have a party for themselves and serve whatever, than do it on another day.

By ManOfTeal

May 12, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this

Teach your kids to learn by your example…..drink responsibly. It is as simple as that.

By Kitterina

May 12, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this

Dear Joyce:

At Chuck E Cheese, they serve beer.

By Heidi

May 12, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

OK Tracey, School is a taxpayer funded educational facility and cafeteria workers are paid to do a job. A child’s birthday party is a voluntary event attended by the child and perhaps the child’s parents. Hmmm…. not a real comparison. Sorry.

By Sobecat

May 12, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

Tracey, why not? Oh, because YOU believe drinking is wrong?

By Jesse's Girl

May 12, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

The rules should be set by you and Michael, Theresa…no one else. If you choose to serve alcohol at any party, as the host, that is up to you.

By JJ

May 12, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

Um, Tracey, no it’s not the same comparassion.

Cafeteria workers drinking AT WORK, is totally different than a few adults having beer at a PARTY.

By bbb

May 12, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this

There are three types of people when it comes to alcohol when they get that first taste and following buzz. 1) Gross! Why do people drink this 2) Its alright-maybe on a special occasion 3) Where have you been all my life??? Now number 3 does not mean you are an alcoholic per se, but means that some people, whether it is genetic or environmentally predisposition, like and love alcohol.

By Betsy

May 12, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this

As a college student, I would say to have alcohol available. Assuming all the adults who choose to consume will do so responsibly and not drive, it actually sets a good example for the kids. I’ve noticed some of my classmates here who’s parents always hid alcohol and never drank in front of them are the ones who get in the most trouble once out of the house. My parents regularly drank in front of us (never to the point of intoxication, obviously), but a glass of wine with dinner or 1-2 drinks in an evening when company was over. My siblings and I have grown up understanding that you do not have to consume alcohol in excess, we have seen how to be responsible with alcohol.

As long as you are not driving (take the time to explain it to the older kids too, “We are riding with Mrs. Smith today because I have had some alcohol and drinking and driving is very dangerous”), and none of the adults are getting out of control, it’s actually a good thing for kids to be exposed to.