MOMania

By motherjanegoose

April 22, 2008 7:07 AM | Link to this

Yes, I rode my bike to the mall ( the Chicago suburbs) when I was 13…that was in the seventies. People …get real here…society is NOT the same. If you read my post last night, out little 2 year old schnauzer was run over right in the street in front of our house while my 15 year old daughter was watching. A neighbor driving a truck( from another street) was not watching and Lucy was killed instantly on Sunday. This is our precious dog and thankfully not a child. Do I tag along on field trips with my child no…but I would not let a 9 year old take the subway alone. We have been to Boston and Washington DC and my daughter would not want to take the T or the Metro alone much less the Marta here. She has been going to summer camp alone since she was 7 but I have to trust the chaperones there and give her some space..that is fine by me. She went to Disneyworld with a High School trip and loved it. Remember…it only takes a second to lose a child…we saw this with our dog on Sunday. Quick question…does anyone think the man who ran over our dog should have come back over and checked in with us…he has not and we are furious…he lives two blocks away and knows our neighbors well. When I accidentally hit someone’s mailbox ( not looking) I stopped and apologized and offered to fix it if it fell down ( gave my ph. number) but this is my character. He said, “sorry but he did not see her…” and she was dead.

By Together for 12

April 22, 2008 7:20 AM | Link to this

Hey Theresa!

I thought of another topic that might be interesting: When women tell family, friends, co-workers, etc. they are pregnant, did others start to treat them differently? Was it positive or negative? How were they treated?

Great topic for today. While it seems that parents are terrified to let their kids out of their sight, the answer to “would you” is, as usual, “it depends.”

In my neighborhood, there is little traffic, and I think kids typically over age 10 are safe going about on their own or with friends with a regular check in. From 7-9, that really depends on the child. We all have reasonable yards, so there’s no reason our children couldn’t play outside in our own backyards without supervision other than us checking on them once in awhile to make sure they didn’t fall off the swingset or decide to climb 50’ into the oak tree. It’s more about making sure they’re not causing trouble than worrying about their safety from strangers. Knowing your neighbors and supporting each other can go a long way toward helping your child be safe. Then your child always has places to go to be safe even if he’s not in your yard.

I also agree, we’re so in tune with every single child abduction, but I think if we started plotting on a map each of these abductions we hear about, we’d find they’re not anywhere near us. It just hits home a lot because we are bombarded with it constantly.

By Jesse's Girl

April 22, 2008 7:25 AM | Link to this

I read this crazy lady’s blog. And while I do not neccessarily disagree that we are, as a whole, overprotective….I think she lacks the “middle ground” gene here. A good, responsible mother does not allow her child to “find their way home” in NYC with little more than $20 and a prayer! Yes, this is the same world our grandparents were born into….but the people are not the same. Now we have these video games and even music in some cases that GLORIFIES thrill killings! Our brains are wired differently today than they were in the days when Daylight Savings Time served a purpose. People are not as trustworthy. And to let your children be free range is tatamount to criminal stupidity. She has a good point about coddling and the like. However, there has to be a start off point that does not inlcude being gone all day long on your bike or surfing the subway. She was a dumb a* to engineer this.

By Together for 12

April 22, 2008 7:36 AM | Link to this

motherjanegoose: How horrible for you! You said he said he was sorry, so it sounds like he stopped. I can’t tell you how many people will hit an animal and just keep on going.

If he stopped and apologized, I don’t think etiquette really requires more since she was out in a public road and not on your private property. I’m sure you’re upset, but it wasn’t his fault that he hit her, since people can not anticipate a pet running loose in the road anymore than they can anticipate that a child would dart in front of their car.

My DH had that exact scare in the past when a woman with a 3yo were waiting to cross the street. The 3yo ran out right in front of his car but he was able to slam on the brakes and stop before he hit the child. The mother didn’t even react. Didn’t shout or even get upset!! Can you imagine not even being completely shaken up that your child was almost hit by a car because you didn’t keep her under your control in a dangerous place?

It obviously wouldn’t have been his fault if he had hit her, but it’s something he woudl have had to live with for the rest of his life. All because Mom wasn’t holding her child’s hand and keeping control of her child on the side of a busy road.

By Ebaby

April 22, 2008 7:49 AM | Link to this

I sometimes see young children on the metro going to school in the mornings and it breaks my heart. I agree with Jesse’s Girl- this lady lacks middle-ground judgement. She has some interesting ideas, but her attempt to put them into practice is questionable. I dred the day my child wants to go alone in the city. Thinking practically, most “kids” go to college at 18 and will need some sort of practice of being independent before that giant leap. I think 16 is a good age to start cutting the apron strings- not 9 like this lady has done. The other thing that makes a huge difference is that in metro-Atlanta, it is impossible to go anywhere without a car, so where can kids really go on their own? I think the furthest I ever went on foot before going to college was the neighborhood pool.

By momtoAlex&Max

April 22, 2008 8:15 AM | Link to this

I have not had to deal with this yet, but here’s the guidelines that I have found in severeal web-sites:

• No child under the age of 8 should ever be left home alone - not even for a few minutes.

• Children ages 8-10 should not be left home alone for more than a short period (1 1/2 hours) and only during daylight or early evening hours.

• Children ages 11-12 should not be left home alone for more than 3 hours or in circumstances requiring inappropriate responsibility.

• Children ages 13-15 may be left unsupervised, but not overnight.

• Children under the age of 13 should never be in charge of younger siblings or other children.

• Some children should never be left unattended depending on their maturity level.

By fk

April 22, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this

For people who did not grow up in the NYC metropolitan area, especially if they live in metro Atlanta and fear MARTA, they probably will not understand a child’s ability to travel alone. Suburban mentality is far different from urban mentality in regards to mass transit.

I am not saying that every child is ready to venture out on his own at nine. And, I am not saying to put a nine year old on Atlanta’s mass transit system alone. A mother knows her child. This boy is obviously bright, confident and independent. He made it home without any problems. If this mother had any doubts, she would not have let her son do this. Teach your kids safety, not fear.

Living in NYC, mass transit is a way of life. Most city dwellers do not own a car. Parking is at a premium; never mind the price of gas. Kids are on the subways in snugglies and strollers. They grow up navigating the subway system. For some, it is the mode of transportation that takes them to school, without parental supervision.

Because there is so much walking involved when living in a major city such as NY, city kids know how to cross a street. Living in a subdivision with winding streets that never end, there are not a lot of intersections. I remember quizzing my six year old and his buddy on how to look both ways before crossing the street. His friend did not need any quizzing. His mother taught him how to cross the street. I kept going. Look left, then right, then left again. They’d repeat it back like parrots. Then I asked them what they were looking for. The buddy was puzzled.

Most of you are making judgments regarding something about which you’ve absolutely no first-hand experience. Suburban living and taking the train into the city occasionally is not the same as living in the city everyday. Midtown Manhattan is a bustling and exciting place. There is a strong police presence. Police officers are on the street and in the subway, not just in police cars. New York is a wonderful city and a fun place to be.

There is no right age for free range roaming, only a right stage of responsibility and maturity. Yes, nine may seem a bit young to most, but every kid is different.

By 46 Chromosomes

April 22, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this

Depending on the child’s “street smarts”, I would feel comfortable allowing my child to ride the subway alone at age 13. I don’t find people or the times much different than the 1970’s except for the expansion of media coverage; the fact is crime stats against kids or adults for that matter has not increased like people think. Parents today can be over protective and their good intentions can produce a young adult who is limited in exposure and self confidence to think and act independently. I like the ideas of the majority her comments on Free Range but I would not let a 9 year old venture out alone.

With regards to the terrible event of the dog who was run over, have mercy on the man. He stopped and admitted what he did was wrong. Perhaps the reason he did not come over later was that he feels so bad and saw an upset family he wanted to avoid the situation. The man saw what he did and the impact that his actions had; he probably feels horrible about it. Have mercy on him.

By ayoungmom

April 22, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

I have to agree with “fk”. The NYC lifestyle is totally different than the suburban Atlanta lifestyle. I was born and raised in NYC and we did not own a car everything we did was in and around public transportation, except for grocery shopping in which we took the bus to the big supermarket and a taxi home, or walked to the neighborhood store and walked home with a cart full of groceries. I was 7, yes, 7 years old when I began riding public transportation by myself-to and from school. Now of course there was a group of us kids but the oldest kid was only 9. I did this every day from the time I was in 2nd grade until I graduated from HS. Our parents taught us what to do, where to go and how to deal with weirdos and we did it. It is so common place until most people from other areas of the country probably wouldn’t beleive it.

I have not read the “free range” lady’s blog so I cannot comment on it directly but I will say comparing ATL child rearing with NYC child rearing is like comparing apples to oranges.

By Lu

April 22, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

FK & A young mom said it best. You have to be a city dweller to understand that there is a difference. I’m from NJ and we don’t bus our school kids so it’s not unusual to see a 5yr old taking the bus to school alone. In fact, during rush hour the buses are packed with kids. My cousin in Brooklyn lets her 6yo take the subway to school and unlike most suburban kids, she knows how to navigate the streets. It is rear to hear of a child getting hit or run over because people know it’s a way of life and they tend to look out for the kids anyway. If there is an emergency, there are plenty of officers walking the beat that can help too. The steets are full of peace officers and plain clothes officres at all time. Living in the big city definately matures a kid fast for sure!

By Lu

April 22, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

FK & A young mom said it best. You have to be a city dweller to understand that there is a difference. I’m from NJ and we don’t bus our school kids so it’s not unusual to see a 5yr old taking the bus to school alone. In fact, during rush hour the buses are packed with kids. My cousin in Brooklyn lets her 6yo take the subway to school and unlike most suburban kids, she knows how to navigate the streets. It is rear to hear of a child getting hit or run over because people know it’s a way of life and they tend to look out for the kids anyway. If there is an emergency, there are plenty of officers walking the beat that can help too. The steets are full of peace officers and plain clothes officres at all time. Living in the big city definately matures a kid fast for sure!

By JJ

April 22, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

There is NO WAY in hell I would ever put my 5 year old on a city bus, ALONE. I don’t care where you live, 5 is way too young to be out there alone.

By Chicken Little

April 22, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this

The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

By FCM

April 22, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this

Devil’s advocate:

Do you want our children to ‘mature faster’?

My gut says no. While I do not hover the children, I do ask that they stay close. We went to a large public venue this weekend, my child refused to hold my hand and started to pitch a fit….The friends we were with have children OLDER than mine….That Mom immediately pointed out her double digit daughter was holding her hands….the ‘fuss’ was over.

I think it largely depends on the child and the circumstances. Many children in NY and ATL for that matter can be seen walking/riding alone…..I would like to know how many children that are ‘roaming’ end up being a victim of a crime (rape/abduction/whatever) as opposed to those that were ‘supervised’ or ‘just outside’

By fk

April 22, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

A better statistic would be how many did not become a victim when allowed to venture about unsupervised.

By Alecia

April 22, 2008 8:31 PM | Link to this

I rode Marta this afternoon with the family and saw all kinds of interesting people. There was a couple that was extremely stoned on some heavy drugs. My 5 yr old daughter also had the opportunity to see a gentleman holding a complete conversation with himself. She kept asking me who was this man talking to. No, he was not part of the stoned couple. There is some educational value on the subway. Your kids learn about personality disorders and abnormal psychology. Some people pay big bucks for an abnormal psych class in college. It is free on Marta.

By Alecia

April 22, 2008 8:31 PM | Link to this

I rode Marta this afternoon with the family and saw all kinds of interesting people. There was a couple that was extremely stoned on some heavy drugs. My 5 yr old daughter also had the opportunity to see a gentleman holding a complete conversation with himself. She kept asking me who was this man talking to. No, he was not part of the stoned couple. There is some educational value on the subway. Your kids learn about personality disorders and abnormal psychology. Some people pay big bucks for an abnormal psych class in college. It is free on Marta.

By karen

April 29, 2008 7:50 AM | Link to this

When I was a kid, I was free range. I just had to go home when the street lights came on. But times are different now. I know that by any objective measure it’s safer now. The violent crime rates today are significantly lower than when I was kid. But it doesn’t feel like it. In this time of multiple 24 hour news channels, the world seems like a dangerous place. So I keep a much tighter leash on my kids.