MOMania

By Ebaby

April 16, 2008 7:50 AM | Link to this

Dad usually takes over on weekend mornings to give me a break. When I wake up, I usually find my daughter in a matching outfit that I hung up in the closet that way with unmatching socks. Her diet is usually ok because he has come into the room to ask me exactly what to give her, how to make it and what spoon to use. I think the thought of being responsible for our little girl still scares him a little. He tends to really spread his wings when there are people around. I think its an uncontrollable need to show-off what a great Dad he is infront of people. He usually does crazy stuff when he is showing off. I dont want to burst his bubble, so I only take over if I think her safety is at risk. He is really a great first-time dad and I love it when he does things on his own without my coaching. I dont care if the socks dont match the outfit. At least she is cared for.

By JJ

April 16, 2008 7:53 AM | Link to this

I have nothing to contribute, as I am a single parent, so I will lurk today.

I think this will be a fun topic.

By momtoAlex&Max

April 16, 2008 8:03 AM | Link to this

I don’t have much experience with this, as I have only rarely left town without my children and those times were just weekends.

My guess is that most posts today will say that Dad does a great job, with the possible exception of dressing little girls. This was unheard of in my mother’s generation. The first time I went on a weekend long women’s church retreat my father commented to my sister that I must have “a liberated marriage”. I still shake my head at that one, but notice how he said it to my sister and not to me.

Let’s hear it for today’s dads!

By motherjanegoose

April 16, 2008 8:05 AM | Link to this

When our 20 year old was born, my husband was in the Navy and I taught Kinder. He worked the night shift and came home at 7:30 a.m. We swapped hats and I left for school. He did a great job taking care of our son. We ha no $$$ and could not afford a sitter. They were very close and still are….when our son left for college my husband lost his friend.
I only taught half day ( that is how it was then) and when I came home he had our son in the playpen next to him on the couch as he was trying to stay awake at 1:00. He then would sleep until 7:30 and we would have a family dinner, playtime and put the baby to bed at 8:30. Now, I travel for business. He is home most weekends with our teenage daughter. Last summer, I called and was told that our 14 year old Lab got sick and threw up on the couch. I asked…what did you do. I was not expecting…we put the cushion covers in the washer ( that was yesterday and they were still in there…luckily they were canvas type fabric) yikes! So…things are not always done the way you expect but you WILL get by and get over it. If we coddle hubby and tell him he cannot handle it…he won’t. Kind of like when women did not drive cars because that was what men did. I drove home from Florida last week alone ( left my family there as I had a speaking engagment at a college and rented a car). When I returned the car, the man could not believe I drove home from Florida alone to Hartsfield…he was older but times have changed and women do this! I would not have my career if my husband did not pitch in and why is this so strange because women everywhere pitch in so their husbands can have a career.

By Shaun

April 16, 2008 8:20 AM | Link to this

Me and my wife have a 1 year old. She travels alot and works later hours than me, and yes her paycheck is a lot bigger. But, I pick him up from daycare and get him home and start cooking, after he eats, we go out and play awhile, and I let him watch the baby channel for about 30 mins to an hour. By this time it is 730 and my wife usually is coming in. She takes over and gives him a bath and reads to him and then its bed. I dont mind this at all. In fact, I love it. I support her in every way i can. She is also a loving wife and a great mom. Weekends we do things as a family. It works quite well for us.

By motherjanegoose

April 16, 2008 8:30 AM | Link to this

mom to alex and max… when I first started traveling my mother was alive and asked me how I could leave my husband and children…what will they eat? She could NEVER leave my Dad alone…he would NOT know what to do. Now she has passed and he is remarried. My wonderful step mother takes cruises, visits her son in New England and goes all over the place GRANDPA MANAGES JUST FINE. Maybe, just maybe, some women are insecure in their job of wife and mother and perhaps if this is their only job ( like my mom) that compounds the problem. Step mom was a bank loan officer before she retired. I love her!

By Jeff

April 16, 2008 8:32 AM | Link to this

No kids yet, so I really don’t know how I’ll be. (Though I do NOT look forward to having the newborn to myself. After about 2 or 3 or so I’m sure I’ll LOVE it, but I REALLY don’t trust myself with newborns. Though T’s best friend has a newborn that I’ve been around a few times, and all around noted how comfortable I looked with him.)

My own dad did pretty good with us boys when mom was gone. Of course, he didn’t have to worry about dressing little girls, and I think THAT is the area that most males would have a hard time meeting mom’s standards in.

I’ll probably be lurking most of the rest of the day, much like yesterday.

By First Time Mom

April 16, 2008 8:40 AM | Link to this

Totally hear Ebaby about dad “showing off”!! He does love it, though so I don’t mind. Our little one is just 8 months old so I haven’t left the two of them alone for more than two hours and I don’t think I could. Dad doesn’t like to change diapers or clothes and I am not sure he knows how to make a bottle and he won’t give the baby solids either. This is really my fault though, as I just do everything without thinking he would want to. I have a possible business trip in August so he will need to start being a little more active! Or my mother will take the baby for those three days…I know that would be her preference…she doesn’t think men are wired to be compassionate or gentle enough to take care of children! Which just cracks me up. My father is THE most compassionate and gentle man, maybe clueless in the areas of hair and clothes but I don’t know where she got that idea. Old school I guess.

By fk

April 16, 2008 8:54 AM | Link to this

My husband did a good job. I was not surprised, even though he had never really been around small children or babies before the birth of our son. Couple of mishaps here and there, like the time he ripped apart a decorative snap on a baby outfit. My son is 17 and he still enjoys time with Dad. Now they’re both silly.

I guess I sort of expected my husband to do well as my dad handled a lot of kids. In family photos, it was always obvious when Mom wasn’t around. My sisters’ hair would have been pulled back in ponytails, but it was quite noticeable that the hair wasn’t brushed all the way through.

I have a cherished photo of my younger brother and I sitting on Santa’s lap. I remember the day my dad took us. My mother was horrified when she saw the photo…we were wearing good clothes, but had our play coats on…with mismatched hats!

By David

April 16, 2008 8:54 AM | Link to this

I find this article insulting to all the fathers such as myself who are work from home fathers who have taken on the responsibilities of what were traditionally mothers jobs. I don’t appreciate that you would make fathers out to be idiots unable to dress or feed our children. I take care of the Dr. appointments, parent/teacher conferences, shopping, meals, cleaning and laundry. There are a lot more fathers out there like me than you think. Your social circle appears to be somewhat limited and I think there should be some type of open forum geared towards fathers instead of continuing the cycle of fathers as imcompetant idiots who could not take of the family without mom. My wife is dear and precious to me and I treasure her deeply in my life, but I am fully capable of making sure that my children are dressed, well nurished and taken care of. I have a friend who is raising his son fully on his own as his mother abandoned them. From now on I think a little more consideration should be afforded to the “Mr. Moms” out there.

By Denise

April 16, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this

I have been married for twenty-one years to a military soldier.We have three kids ninteen,eleven and seven. I work out side the home.He know how to do everything that I know how to do. He Cook,wash clothes,Mop the floor,wash the girls hair. We are fifty-fifty. I also wash the car,take out the trash ect. I think it’s how you first start out in life on how things will be.If you let him sit back and do nothing then thats what you are going to get. Nothing.

By JJ

April 16, 2008 8:58 AM | Link to this

OK, I lied, I do have a few comments.

By Peachy Mom

April 16, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

We have two sons (8 and 4), and an 11 year-old daughter. Dad does a great job when I am not around. I am more nurturing and patient than my husband, but I think children need a little of both (not everyone loves you like mom!). My only other issue is that sometimes he will wait until they ask for something to eat before he will cook or take them out. I’ll call and ask what the kids have eaten, and his response will be that they have not asked for anything! Mind you, it can be 11:00 am (technically brunch) or 9:00 pm (too late for any kind of drive-thru meal)!! He will feed them once they ask (or I insist that he do so). I have not done any long-term trips away from my husband and the children, only a 3-day weekend once a year at the most. He does a great job running the household without me. My job does not require hardly any travel, but I know if it did, my family would be fine.

By Jeff

April 16, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this

FTM:

Most dads I’ve known (at least the ones I both knew AND respected) were somewhat bipolar. Let me explain:

They were the most gentle human beings you could think of when the kids needed them to be. But they also wouldn’t hesitate to be one of the most strict disciplinarians you have ever met if the kid was misbehaving.

They were also like the Secret Service guarding the President: Didn’t mind people interacting with the kids, and would take a bullet for them in a heartbeat. BUT they were also constantly monitoring everyone around the kid and wouldn’t hesitate to put someone on the floor (or worse) if they thought their kid was in danger.

I think most people see the Grizzly Bear side of most dads because that is what is often on display in public - with good reason - and think that side is ALL the dad is. They never see the much softer, more tender Teddy Bear that most dads are most of the time.

By motherjanegoose

April 16, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

David….I hope you read my last post. I KNOW that men can be capable of many things. It all has to do with letting them ( read being secure enough) ; however, they are not usually wired to care about bows, ruffled sox, a plate of food on the table that contains at least 3 different colors ( did y’all know this…if all the food is all the same color…macaroni, chicken nuggets and corn…the plate lacks balanced nutition… add some broccoli, grapes and apples…some mommies do not realize this) or making sure the notes are signed and returned to school. You have my utmost respect as does the single Dad…you can do it! Off to work now and can’t wait to check in later.

By Shaun

April 16, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

David, get over yourself, I do all you do, plus work 40+ hours a week.

By Vladimir

April 16, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

Mother’s do the best job, hands down. There are some fathers I’m sure that do great, but from what I see it’s no comparison to the mother’s ability. Father’s with toddlers or babies - that’s dangerous, especially during football season. What these mother’s don’t realize is that Super Dad is going to blow his horn loudly that he’s done a great job (women never seem to brag, they just get the job done). Most importantly, he will never admit to you his mistakes. Unless there is a broken bone or a bruise, you ladies will never know how bad Daddy screwed up while you were away. Trust me, the men will hide their mistakes because they know they are in the hot seat. Some men will do fine, but with most (especially little tots) Dad is playing Russian Roulette with the kids if left alone with them.

By Ebaby

April 16, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

In defense of the moms critiquing their husbands, and in response to David, perhaps the blog should have been about the less involved parent and what happens when they take over. We travel a lot on the weekends and I always pack the bags for the 3 of us. The few times that I have been out of town and he has had to pack the bags for himself and his daughter it has been a nightmare. I dont think he is incapab le, just not accustomed to it. My first time travelling with baby I took half the house just in case and now I am much more streamlined.

By TnT's mom

April 16, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

Dad’s are just a capable as mom’s in taking care of kids. They might not do things exactly as we would, but that is okay and actually good for the kids to have variety. I have taken many trips, leaving my boys alone with dad and it was no different than if I had been home. He is a wonderful dad and husband. Hooray to all the Dads like David!

By Randall

April 16, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this

I am much more patient and lenient than my wife with our two year old. She’s the disciplinarian, so when she’s gone and it’s just me and the boy, we go wild. Last weekend we had birthday cake and left-over Easter candy for lunch. Bath time when I’m on duty is like a day at Whitewater without the E. coli. My wife says I let him “do the whitetrash thing” because I let him run around outside in nothing but a diaper. Despite all my shortcomings though, he’s happy and well-adjusted. I haven’t let him eat dog poo or fall and break his head yet, and we have so much fun it’s insane. Maybe I’m compensating, because I was always scared of my own father, and I don’t want my son to be afraid of me. My wife has two out of town trips coming up this month and next, so I guess we’ll see how I do for an extended length of time.

By Stacey

April 16, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this

I was admitted to the hospital for what turned out to be a 2 1/2 week stay two weeks after my son started Pre-K. At that time, he had about a dozen matching short sets so dressing should have been simple…right? They would come to the hospital every night to visit me and he might have on a green & purple plaid shirt with orange shorts and yellow socks! LOL The first couple of days I seriously thought he had picked out his own clothes! LOL Fortunately, since we have a son the hair combing issue didn’t apply or that really would have been an adventure.

My husband was blessed to work for a company that allowed him the flexibility to be able to drop our son off and pick him up (from afterschool program) every day. They would come straight to the hospital every evening and go through the drive thru at the McDonald’s across the street for dinner. My mother-in-law (lives an hour away) made several casseroles for my husband to heat up to eat so he usually ate some to that once they got home at night. She offered to come over on the weekend (she works during the week) to straighten up and do the laundry but my husband assured her he had it all under control. He had tried to load the dishwasher but because it wasn’t properly loaded, the dishes came out dirtier than when they went in. He did a couple of loads of laundry but each load should have been three because he put as much as he could possible pack in the machine at one time.

One good thing that came from it all is that it taught him an appreciation for all I do around the house. He admits that he truly didn’t realize that keeping a household even semi-functional entails. My son loved that Daddy took such good care of him but he still asked me to never “go live at the hospital” again. LOL

By One

April 16, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

David, you’re too sensitive dear (that’s a woman’s job, jk!!) Relax, relate, release……..woosah!!

By Stacey

April 16, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

I forgot to add that I had to call every morning to wake them up. To this day my husband cannot wake up to an alarm clock. Fortunately, the night nurse came in every morning between 5:30 & 6:00 to check my vitals so I was awake to call him.

By Becky

April 16, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

My husband says the same thing that motherjanegoose said. Men aren’t wired to take care of childern as good as a woman..He takes really good care of the grandbabies as ffar as feeding them & making them mind. Thank goodness they are old enough to pick out their own clotes though..Most are right in that he has no clue on how to dress a girl..So David, pull up your big boy pants & get over your PMS.

By JJ

April 16, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

Randall I have to agree with you. You sound just like my dad.

So what if they don’t have matching outfits on? Let’s look at the big picture…..are they bleeding, are bones broken? No, then relax.

No one can raise your child exactly they way you do. Let dad have fun with the kids.

By Lucky

April 16, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

My husband is the perfect Mr. Mom, infact sometimes i think I am playing Mrs. Dad. We both work and we both know everything about our son. My husband cooks healthy meals almost every night, cleans the house, and certaintly dresses our son better than he dresses himself. Many wives don’t give their husband the opportunity to be Mr. Mom, unless they go out of town, then expect them to be able to fill in our shoes.

By Lauren

April 16, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

I am a SAHM and my husband is sweet enough to give me a night out every week to have dinner/time out with my girlfriends. I am out for about 3 hours and he is responsible for getting three little girls to bed. I love the opportunity to make fun of his skills with kids but I have to say he does a pretty good job. The worst things that have happened is the kids go to bed with their gowns on backwards and sometimes the baby has been put down still wearing her play clothes. My oldest loves to “tattle” on Daddy and often wakes up the morning with a list of all the things Daddy did wrong. But they are usually very minor and the truly funny part is she takes over the bossy, persnikety mommy role when I walk out the door. I can tell you that my husband has taken care of the kids alone enough to truly appreciate what I do day in and day out and I appreciate him for giving me a break from time to time. It’s good for both of us.

By DadMania

April 16, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

As an unmarried father, I am always Dad and Mom when I spend time with my kid. She gets hot meals, a comfortable bed, clean clothes (although she likes to wear red socks with pink outfits which makes me cringe). Who cares if the parent is male or female as long as the children are in good health and are disciplined accordingly. DadMania has spoken. Woo Hoo. See you ladies.

By shakey

April 16, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Reminds me of a story told to me by me ex-father in law. The first time in his marriage that his wife asked him to help with the dishes, he dropped and broke two plates. Needless to say, he never had to do dishes the rest of his life. ( forty years of marriage). Mothers and Fathers are as different as boys and girls. It seems like there are a lot of stereotypical comments here. Just as Women are able to raise a child with out a father and give them what they need I think A father can learn how to give their children what they need. It won’t be like a womens touch, Just as a women no matter how strong and tough etc… can not give their children what a active and present father can. Seems like much ado about nothing.

By TL

April 16, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

My ex has one daughter residing with him and I have one residing with me (2 years age difference). The one in my home is well mannered, groomed, good in school and sweet as pie. The one in his home is into heavy metal and freinds more than anything else. She lacks the motherly grooming to become a lady. Although I have her every day she’s not in school, I can’t seem to instill the same values as the older one has, or at least she won’t let me. She’s fed, has clothes and a roof over her head. That’s about all that dad has done!

By shakey

April 16, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

Reminds me of a story told to me by me ex-father in law. The first time in his marriage that his wife asked him to help with the dishes, he dropped and broke two plates. Needless to say, he never had to do dishes the rest of his life. ( forty years of marriage). Mothers and Fathers are as different as boys and girls. It seems like there are a lot of stereotypical comments here. Just as Women are able to raise a child with out a father and give them what they need I think A father can learn how to give their children what they need. It won’t be like a womens touch, Just as a women no matter how strong and tough etc… can not give their children what a active and present father can. Seems like much ado about nothing.

By JJ

April 16, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

Good for you DadMania Nice to know there are single fathers out there. I admire single dads who take responsibility for their kids. There are enough single mothers, let me tell you!!

By One

April 16, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

Dadmania, you go now!!!!! Good for you…….

By adawgfan

April 16, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

My husband does a great job taking care of the kids when I work on the weekends. The important stuff is done (the kids are fed, clothed and having fun playing). The house usually looks like a wreck, though!!

My husband may not do everything exactly like I would, but he gets the job done and that’s the important part.

If one criticizes the way someone does something, that person is likely to say, “ok, then you do it, it I can’t do it the way you like it”. I learned that very early on in the marriage. Because of this, I do not criticize the way my husband does something.

By Huh

April 16, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

Shakey, if he’d been my husband, I would’ve gone out and bought two more sets (cheap ones), and he could’ve broken til his heart was content……just keep washing! lol And I somewhat agree about the man/woman thing, with one difference……….(and let me preface this by saying this is not a “we are the better/stronger sex” comment!!) women can have a child w/o a man (directly), a man can’t do the same. Anywho……..

By adawgfan

April 16, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

@ Shakey- Did the ex-FIL break the dishes on purpose so that he would not be asked to do the dishes again? There are a few butt#%$^s out there that purposefully screw up a chore so that they will be perceived as incompetant and get out of responsibilities. (sad, but true). I’m willing to bet that the wives had an inkling as to their husbands’ character beforehand, though.

By nurse&mother

April 16, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

My dawg fan husband has been blogging again (on the UGA blog). Just realized this. (adawgfan is actually me)

By JJ

April 16, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

TL Why are your daughters separated? Why does one live with Dad, and one with you? Do you think that could possibly be the problem?

By TL

April 16, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

JJ - a very complicated divorce after 20 years of marriage. I agreed not to uproot the girls when I left him. They were 5 1/2 and 8 then. I paid 700 mth child support to him and after 6 years oldest was able to choose at 14 who to live with which was me. Youngest still can’t choose. It was a joint custody with primary residence with him due to the kids schools, friends, etc. I tried to do right by the girls and not force too many changes on them at one time and he had more $$ than me to fight in court so I played easy. If I had to do over, I’d be broke from lawyer fees and still fighting. Then, I was wore down and weak from living in his compound but now I’m a much stronger woman and could have handled it differently. We live, we learn, we suffer. That’s life.

By Stacey

April 16, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

David…I think I speak for most us when I say that our comments on the blog are (usually) meant to be good natured humor and not bashing. My husband knows our son and I love and cherish his role as provider and my husband readily admits that he is not cut out to be the caregiver. His father died when he was 13 and as the oldest boy, he was “forced” into a traditionally male role of taking care of the yard, trash detail, cleaning the gutters, etc. He never lived on his own before marriage so he never had to learn to run a household.

When I was growing up, my mother worked 1st shift and my father worked third. Daddy always had dinner almost ready when we got home (my older sister made cornbread and kool-aid) so all Mama had to do was sit down and eat when she got home. I think

By fk

April 16, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

The biggest difference between my husband & me, and I don’t think it’s a Mom vs. Dad caregiver thing, is that I have a good sense of direction.

My son suffered a leg injury at football practice when he was 15. The trainer felt a trip to the ER was necessary. My son absolutely did not want Mom to go. It was a man thing. So, Dad took him. Whatever.

Anyway, they were gone a long time. I was starting to worry that perhaps he was more seriously injured than originally thought. And, he was, but that’s not what took so long.

My husband had never been to SR for the prior emergency visits. In order to keep my son off his leg as much as possible, he dropped my son off at the valet entrance, then went to park. Somehow, he wound up on the ramp to 400N and realized it too late. He was not able to turn around until the next exit! It was almost 1/2 hour b/f Dad appeared at the ER. My son said he felt as though the woman behind the desk was worried that he had been abandoned.

By JJ

April 16, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

TL Thank you for clarifying….

By Jesse's Girl

April 16, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this

I think whoever posted that men are not hard wired for traditional mom-duties was right. Its not a slam against dads…its just the truth. For instance, I am not as good at cutting the grass, grilling meat, fixing leaks, stinking up the bathroom or chuggin’ a beer. Wine perhaps, but not beer. Just like Mr Jesse is not as adept at adding a green veggie at every dinner(he also thinks that a doughnut becomes less unhealthy if coupled with a glass of milk in the morning and that popcorn is to never be questioned because it once grew in a field), making sure that both hot water AND soap are used, and that grass stains and holey jeans don’t see the inside of a classroom.

Its a good trade off though. I don’t expect him to mimick my parenting preferences any more than I expect him to stop thinking I’m hot for him every second of the day. Its just not happening.

By Carbon Footprint

April 16, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

I am Mr. Mom. I took care of baby and house while my wife’s career took off. I foolishly allowed a 25 year gap in my resume to accumulate. Now, at 57, trying to get back in the work force, I find that although I’m a better person and a better writer for changing all those diapers etc, I cant get a job. My 10 years of accounting experience and BS degree is obsolete. I’ll have to get a masters or my CPA or who knows what. So, let this be a warning to any would be Mr. Mom: Get a career part time on the side while you raise your kids.

By lwa

April 16, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

To Carbon Footprint:

The advise you offered can be applied to a women as well.

I have worked a few years, stayed at home a few, and now I am working again. I just want to make sure that I keep my skills up and remain employable.

By Allison

April 16, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

My husband and I have a 3-year-old and I like to say that I’m spoiled by him when it comes to things around the house and dealing with our daughter. Sure, he’ll let her put together any weather-appropriate outfit that she wants to, but he also does virtually all of the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping that I don’t have time to do since I work fulltime and take night classes at GGC. He works fulltime also, but since his shift is earlier than mine, he’s able to pick her up from preschool (I drop her off in the mornings), and handles everything until I get home.

By Dad in waiting

April 16, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

I think the stereotypes about men are wired to do certain things like cut grass,grill meat are very wrong and are far from the truth. I am not yet a dad,but I prefer start from scratch meals which I prepare myself,neatness and tidiness around my house are most important to me,also I am meticulous about a clean living space and time management.It all goes down to how you were raised,my girlfriend is the one who stinks up the bathroom,is more prone to lazing around on the couch and is a total slob. Its all about how you were raised men or women,you can’t stress that enough

By Jesse's Girl

April 16, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

Dad in Waiting…sorry but you are certainly the in the minority here. I think its ridiculoous to say that steroetypes are wrong or somehow dangerous. If you’re talking to the extreme…think racially and ethnically…then yes. But we are talking about normaal, everyday life. Everyone excells at something and fails at something in life. No one escapes that truth. IN GENERAL…women are the care-takers and as such have more refined notions regarding children and the home. Its the whole hunter/gatherer thing.

By Allison

April 16, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this

Dad in waiting: That is so true about it all being how people are raised.

I think it’s a generational thing as well. I still remember when I was finished with my first year of college and my grandfather expressed surprised that I wasn’t engaged or married yet. Then, when I finally did get married at 26, he kept asking when I was going to start staying at home and popping out little ones now that I was a wife.

My husband and I like to joke that we’re the ‘backward’ couple since he does most of the chores around the house and I’m the one the family calls for computer problems. Between the two of us, I think he would be the one most willing to become a stay at home parent.

I hope your girlfriend knows how fortunate she is with you! :)

By motherjanegoose

April 16, 2008 2:15 PM | Link to this

Home from my job now and enjoyed reading. Wanted to share this: about 8 years ago I was in California on business. Our son was 13 and at church camp in South Carolina. He broke his finger and they called my husband who promptly called me. WHAT was I supposed to do? I told him to handle it and he DID. Men or women can rise to the occasion. I grill out all the time. I bought and paid for my own car. I do yardwork. I drove the truck and spread hay for cattle in Arkansas when I was in high school…I had no brothers. I take care of the taxes ( since I am self employed and with a pile of receipts.) It all depends on what you get use to.
Yes, there are sloppy women and men who are great cooks…hoorah for variety. I am certain that single mothers have had to do many Dad type things for years…so why can’t Dad be trusted to handle the kids. If we do not give him a chance he will not know how to do it. You ladies need to let go. No it will not be the same as Mom does it but things can get done. I woke my husband up for years and guess what, when he had to get himself up while I was gone…he learned to set 2 alarms. He CAN and DOES manage. I remember when men put the gas in women’s cars for them…does anyone do this anymore? What century do we live in? There are women doing brain surgery so surely a man can change a diaper or make spaghetti.

By jmb

April 16, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this

I give credit to the wives of the stay @ home dads. No way in the world would I let my husband be too lazy to work. My neighbor is 59 and she gets up at 4 every morning for work while hubby lies in the bed till 11 and piddles around the house all day. You men need to get a job!!!

By Stan

April 16, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

JG, I agree. generalizations are NOT a bad thing. they are a simple way to comunicate simple observations. They have a time and place that it is perfectly legit to speak in such “outdated” terms. It keeps us from having to type “most” before our point. :)

Men are better at some things than women and women are better at others. I happen to be the primary cook and house cleaner, my wife likes to mow the lawn. I like to fix things around the house, my wife likes to organize stuff.

Nobody should be offended by a general comment unless it is directed at you.

Stan

By MomOfOne

April 16, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

My husband is an excellent father. I drop our son off to school on my way to work. He picks him up, helps him with his home work, makes sure he gets a snack and gives him a bath. He’s also great at keeping him entertained. When I’m out of town; he forgets to remind our son to comb his hair and brush his teeth (Our son is seven). In addition, his creativity when it comes to attire is amazing. I don’t complain but in my mind I’m thinking, “When did plaid and stripes become fashionable for a seven year old.” He’s not a housekeeper or cook, therefore doesn’t assist much in that area, except on the weekends when he prepares breakfast. He washes his own clothes because he doesn’t like the way I launder his clothing. Maybe I’m being selfish but I sometimes wish he was just as great at being a husband (although he’s by no means a bad husband).

By JJ

April 16, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

I don’t have a hubby, but my daughter is starting to take care of more household chores for me.

I don’t like the way she puts dishes in the dishwasher, and sometimes I go rearrange them. I finally resigned myself to the fact that she doesn’t do it my way, but she does do it. For that, I am thankful. That’s one less thing I have to do.

So, for some of you who don’t like the way your spouse does certain things, be thankful that they do try. It may not be your way, but the job is getting done, and you can relax.

By A. Nony Mouse.

April 16, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this

Well I am a single Mom. I go out of town on business about three times a year. I leave my 13 year old daughter with My Dad (my Mom is passed away) and my 23 year old son. I just try not to think about how she might look while I am gone. LOL. I make sure to arange her outfits all together. I do know she is eating well and getting lots of love however.

When I was married to her Dad; a color blind biker, I made sure every one had outfits hung together complete with socks. then I just crossed my fingers and toes and hoped for the best.

By Momof2Boys

April 16, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this

A. Nony Mouse, is your daughter color blind as well? If not, then why, at the age of 13, isn’t she selecting her own clothes?

By DadMania

April 16, 2008 3:24 PM | Link to this

Actually being an unmarried parent has only improved my parenting skills since I am the only one that tries and fails or tries and succeeds when we are together. Being single and raising a child has helped me realize that each parent should spend time with their kid’s one on one.

The one on one time allows the other parent time to relax, read a book, watch a movie, have lunch or dinner with friends, and so on. All the while the other parent gets the extra time to bond, take care of, and listen to their child.

Kids are a wonderful thing. It’s too bad grown ups have to get involved…….

By A. Nony Mouse.

April 16, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

She honestly just could not care less. She is much more bookish. She has not stepped over into full blown teenagerhood and I am not pushing it. I feel it coming closer everyday though.

By chocoholic

April 16, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

I went back to work full-time when our daughter was 12 weeks old. My husband owns his own business and was able to do one day of child care each week. He did this for about 116 weeks (until the end of the school year, I’m a teacher). I believe this experience was completely beneficial to our family. He really gained an understanding of what it’s like to care for an infant for full days at a time. He is a much more understanding dad and husband now.

Currently, I work 2 nights a week so my hubby has to be Mr. Mom to our now 17 month old daughter. He’s been doing this since she was very small and he does an awesome job. Does he do everything just like me? No. Is that ok? Yes. She is safe, fed, and in bed when I get home. The house might look like a tornado hit because of how hard they were playing, but I can’t complain. I think the time that they spend together, just the two of them, is invaluable and all dads (or the less-time care-giver) should get that type of experience.

By Robin

April 16, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

I can’t believe that this is even an issue! Keeping house and raising children is not gender specific. It’s newspapers/web sites like this that needlessly perpetuate the him vs. her mentality.

By ayoungmom

April 16, 2008 5:05 PM | Link to this

I have a 5 yr old daughter and her dad and I got divorced when she was about 2 1/2 in the years since he has proven himself to be a remarkable father on their weekends together. He has her clean, fed and well dressed. He even tries to keep her hair neat. She has a head full of thick curly hair so this is a challenge (even for me). Anyway, they have taken short trips together or other outings (baseball games, etc) and he is even able to negotiate the dreaded public restroom situation. I give him his kudos for taking good care of our daughter. Dads can do it and we Moms just have to get out of the way and let them.

By Momof2Boys

April 16, 2008 6:09 PM | Link to this

Understood A. Nony Mouse. Thanks for the clarification.

By Mike

April 16, 2008 7:33 PM | Link to this

I think in this new age of things some fathers are just as good a parent as the mom’s, it’s just finding the happy medium with things and everyone functions great. I have been a single parent for the past 5 years and before that i split the duties with my ex and if that called for me to coordinate hair styles and hair bows then it was what had to be done. I think that for a Dad to handle the duties of parent he has to want to do it without reservation and he has to do it with patience and understanding. Find the groove and work with it.

By Penguinmom

April 17, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

My husband does a great job. He takes care of the kids a lot during the week anyway because he works from home.

I think everyone who is worried about their kids clothes matching needs to get a grip. They are kids for crying out loud!

Personally, I let my daughter pick out her own clothes most days. Unless the outfit is eggregiously unmatched, we go with it. She thinks anything with flowers matches, doesn’t matter if one pattern is little tiny flowers and the other is huge flowers. Both flowers so they match. If she’s comfortable and likes it, why should I stop her? My youngest thinks boots and shorts are a great thing. Not my taste but if he’s comfortable and got dressed without bothering me I’m perfectly happy.

Course not really worrying about my kid’s clothes is one reason I can get three of them out of bed and out of the house in 10 minutes as opposed to my friends who take at least 45 minutes.

By Kathy

April 18, 2008 8:24 AM | Link to this

I am a SAHM and I go away for an entire weekend (this one as a matter of fact, I am escaping here at 2:30) once a year to scrapbook with my girlfriends. My husband stays with our daughter and does a great job. I think he looks forward to a whole weekend with her to do whatever her little heart desires. She is a Daddy’s girl anyway, so she loves having 48 hours of uninterrupted Daddy time. I don’t care about the clothes or the food issue. I know he will make good choices for her. Oh…..and I love having 48 hours of uninterrupted Mommy time!

By Jesse's Girl

April 18, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this

Kathy…good for you for doing what makes you happy. Having said that however, if I only had one weekend a year to myself….I think I’d squeeze in some non-scrapbook related fun in there as well!

By nurse&mother

April 18, 2008 8:53 AM | Link to this

Thanks to all those hilarious comments yesterday! I worked 13 hours and came home near midnight last night. I love to unwind and read all the news online, check email etc. I read all the posts and cried I was laughing so hard. Thanks for the entertainment. I needed it after the long day!

By Joyce

April 18, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

I received a revelation the other day related to this topic. My mom was visiting during my son’s spring break, and I was commenting to her that I had started pre-setting the kitchen table for breakfast the night before, and that this was my homage to her, as it was a strong memory from my childhood. She told me that actually, it was my dad who started that routine when she went back to work, and he had to get the four of us up and out the door for school. And that was in the 1970s! Go Dad!!

By JessiGT

April 30, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

My husband is British and couldn’t work for almost the first year he was here due to immigration delays. He used that time to be a stay at home dad while I worked full time. He did a fantastic job at it, but was a bit paranoid at times. He would call me at work for the slightest things, like diaper rash and ask what to do. If our son fell, or bumped his chin on the carpet trying to crawl I would get a panicked phone call. He never has and still to this day never puts matching socks on our son. We take turns taking him to school and I always have to check on his clothing. He will dress him in long sleeves in summer and short sleeves in winter. But aside from his socks, they are always matching.

By scmom

May 2, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this

I am a working mother of a 13 month old and a 5 week old. My husband stays at home and honestly does a better job than I could ever do. I don’t always love his outfit choices for them, but they are happy, clean, and fed when I get home from work.