MOMania

By motherjanegoose

April 17, 2008 7:56 AM | Link to this

I am fine with the husband’s bills of rights except the burping and farting. This is completely true of my husband’s family ( both sexes) and I find it kind of tacky. They all laugh their heads off and now my children have accepted this to be funny. Oh well, this is not the worse thing in the world…I have told them NOT to do this at other’s houses…who knows? It is locker room behavior. Kind of like fishing out a big one from your nose at the dinner table…yuck! I would like to demand the right of finished projects around here…I may not recognize the place! Off to work!

By Momof2Boys

April 17, 2008 8:21 AM | Link to this

Re burping and farting, I accept those in the husband’s bill of rights…while I don’t enjoy them I do acknowledge and accept them. My boys and dear hubby understand, accept and respect that Mom doesn’t find it funny, nor is it acceptable at the dinner table. They share those special times with Dad and their buddies. Not Mom, not while dining, not in the classroom, not while shopping, etc. “Bond away boys, just don’t do it with me.” :-)

I don’t need the “right to have secrets” in my bill of rights…what’s that one all about?

By Vladimir

April 17, 2008 8:47 AM | Link to this

Quite witty! More additions to the Husbands Bill of Rights:

The right not to attend craft shows, art fairs, festivals or anything like that.

The right to view adult content on the computer (men all do it; either you allow us to or we’ll sneak it)

The right to take a wizz in the backyard at night (we must mark our territory)

The right not to have graphic descriptions on how bad your period is.

And finally, the right to have a wife who doesn’t pump-up and pork out looking like Moo-Moo the cow (put the chocolate down, baby).

By ADL

April 17, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

The right to watch the big game (or any game) without trying to carry on a conversation. That would be a good time for you to speak to your girlfriends.

By geesh

April 17, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this

Glad I’m not married to Vladimer!

By kd

April 17, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

vladimir can have his last ‘right’ provided he extends the same to his wife. that said, glad I’m not married to him too!

By Yes

April 17, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

Vladimir is correct and Geesh must be a porker!

By One

April 17, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

Additions to the Wife’s Bill:

The right to not have to attend any gun/knife/hunting shows. (although I will do the shooting range!)

The right to not have to smell/pick up your dirty draws/socks/undershirts. (We buy hampers for a reason!)

The right to have a husband who’s wise enough to know (and act like it!) that anything they’re trying to see on the internet and in the strip clubs can be seen/enjoyed at home, with drinks (and don’t forget your bills, no $1’s please!!)

The right to have our husbands shop for those “monthly feminine needs”, and to sympathize with our monthly discomfort (no matter how graphic) realizing and appreciating that without this process he (nor we) would be here!

And finally, the right to have a husband whose tummy doesn’t poke out farther than his “poker”. If you love beer (and my delicious home cooking), then please also find a love for crunches! We can do them together!

By MrG

April 17, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

I think both lists are utterly sexist, from both sides. Particularly bad is the entry about foreplay on the women’s list. It perpetuates the stereotype that men are simply switches that can be flipped on at a moment’s notice, yet women have to be “warmed up” every time. Moreover it, again stereotypically, paints the man as the one in the relationship who is responsible for sexual satisfaction. There is no note about sex on the men’s list, which I can only assume means that we men are to be satisfied with whatever bone women may choose to throw us; while men are expected to go above and beyond if we hope to satisfy a woman. Sex is a two-way street, and it takes the work of both partners to ensure satisfaction; to read this places the onus exclusively on the man.

The other entries on the list do nothing more as paint men as gaseous,(partially) reformed cave men and women as gossipy, PMS-stricken nags. Again, sexist from both sides.

By Meghann

April 17, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

If you’re in a relationship where you’re not “allowed” to be yourself, why are you in that relationship?

I guess these would be good for people who would rather settle than be alone, but I think I’ll hold out for someone who understands I’m my own person.

By One

April 17, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

I think these “Bills” are more for fun (hopefully) than rules. If not used for entertainment purposes only, run and hide, he/she is probably crazy!!

By Jesse's Girl

April 17, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

Lets face it people…we are all sexist. Whether we admit it publicly or not, we all have pre-conceived notions about the other sex. I do and I have no problem admitting it. Here are some of my personal addendums…

1…I have the right to one sarcasm free comment per day.

2…I have the right to kiss you or look lovingly at you without you hearing “Baw-chicka-baw-now” in your head.

3…I have the right to gripe about my sister, or anyone else for that matter…without you creating a spread sheet detailing possible solutions to my problem.

4…I have the right to NOT have my questions answered with quotes from Top Gun, Old School, Caddy Shack or Anchorman…funny as they may be.

By Vladimir

April 17, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

The comment from “One” is funny; “anything we can see online or at the clubs can be seen at home” - Oh please! Gimme a break. Men a wired differently and we all look at adult content - 80 year old men admire a beautiful woman walking down the street, don’t kid yourself. If you forbid us (“Why do you want to look at that when you can have me?”) we’ll sneak it. We’re not going to cheat on you, but all men love private time on the computer for a little fun! Unless your 21 years old with devious prurient interests beyond your imagination, we’re going to watch it on the computer! Heck, it normally revs us up for you! Our right is to allow us time on the computer for “entertainment” pleasure!

No wife wants to put up with Mr. Jelly Belly or Mr. Nose Hair either. On the contrary, too many mother’s just explode after giving birth and use the excuse “It’s just hard to keep the weight off after Junior was born”. No, the only thing hard is staying out of the kid snack drawer. Everyone puts on weight as they get older, but men and women have a right to not have a spouse who is getting bigger every year. Just look around - some of these mom’s are like a life raft who’s rip cord got pulled - they balloon. Men reserve the right to leave you if you hit 200 pounds. Buh-bye….

By JJ

April 17, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

Jessie’s girl You are a hoot. Thanks for the laugh.

“Baw-chicka-baw-now” TOO FUNNY!!!!!

Where’s Jeff? I would LOVE to see what he has to say about this topic….

By Momof2Boys

April 17, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

Jesse’s Girl, does your husband quote Jaws regularly as well? Mine does…and my girlfriends husband does as well.

By Jeff in Roswell

April 17, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

Why don’t you just be done with it and add, “I have the right to control my man in every facet of our being”.

By Jesse's Girl

April 17, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

No..no Jaws yet. But I wouldn’t put it past him:) But I frequently hear “Negative Ghostwriter” and I annoyed him so much the other day that he called me a “Dirty pirate w*******”(from Anchorman). That one always ends the snafu..its just too dern funny to not laugh at! Jeff in Roswell….unclench your cheeks darlin’. This is all in fun.

By deidre_NC

April 17, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

lol at jesse’s girl…i agree that we are all sexist. my goodness we are different and thank god for that!!! therefore we will have different ideas on things—lots of this is manners..i love manners…i also realize that men are gross and crude at times…just please be that way somewhere else lol…i have 2 sons and they are crude-and whats worse they have taught my late in life now a teenager how to be crude—i have seen more girls being this was in the last few years than when my older daughter was growing up….i hate it.

i had a great job interview yesterday please all who pray say a prayer!!!!

peace

By Jeff in Roswell

April 17, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

Hey babe, err I mean JG - buzz off you pesky fly.

By Jeff

April 17, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

JJ: Ask and thou shalt recieve.

I saw this list a couple of days ago on hotmail, and was about to email it to T, until I saw the female’s list.

A brief discussion:

WifeI: Considering that all my friends currently are either the husbands/significant others of her friends and/ or the males of my family, this one really doesn’t apply. Though I may (and have) choose to side with the male in opposition to her friend. In which case, she can disagree with me.

Wife IV: If I actually told you what was wrong, most of the time it will just start a fight or make an existing fight worse. Better to talk about it OUTSIDE the marraige than cause a fight within it.

Wife IX: If you have the right to flirt, I have the right to look at any woman I choose.

Husband II: I can honestly say that I get along well with the hubands of T’s friends. There is one that I don’t have much in common with, but even then we get along.

Husband III is something T needs to do better about. I moved in back in Sept, and NONE of my stuff is set up yet. (I’m talking desktop and bookshelves in particular, the only things I really cared about keeping from my ‘pad’.)

Husband IV and VI are two that many women in my life need to learn. But particularly with IV, I’ve learned to ignore them over the years, and when T gets bad about it I simply tune her out as well.

With Husband VI, I was actually thinking about it last night. I’ll wind up teaching my kids the moves that most instructors won’t (such as snapping an arm at the elbow after side stepping a punch, or the similar move involving the knee, as well as basic weapons training with bladed weapons), but I’ll also try to find a few good martial arts instructors in the area and have them take multiple forms.

Husband IX is not a big deal to me. T and I like a lot of the same shows, and we are both good about letting the other watch something even if we don’t like it. (Such as America’s Next Top Model or American Idol on her end, Smallville, New Amsterdam, and Power Rangers on my end.)

Husband VII is not that big of a deal to me, but that is more because I read EVERYWHERE and typically take the book I’m currently working on everywhere I go. As a matter of fact, the current book (The Atlantis Prophecy by Thomas Greanias) is within arm’s reach right now!

By Jesse's Girl

April 17, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

Oh…I am so happy for you Deidre!!!! Definitely sending employment prayers your way! Agreed…mem are generally more comfortable being crude. HOWEVER…and I’m telling on myself here…I grew up with older brothers and they taught me to play a version of monopoly that to this day is outlawed in Douglas County. Fart Monopoly….its just like regular Monopoly with the added rule that every time someone buys your propery you have to toot. And if you go to jail or lose a turn, the entire board gets to toot on or near you. Its hillarious! And it gets out of hand quickly. Our kids have heard stories of this fabled and disgusting game….but I have threatened my brothers’ lives if they tell.

By abc

April 17, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

Certainly the lists are intended to be humorous, and I suppose they are. It’s not that the lists are such a sad commentary, but people’s reactions to them are a little telling.

Chicks want the right to keep secrets? Keeping secrets are a woman’s way of life! They convince themselves they’re keeping the peace, and in general portray themselves per what they think everyone expects them to be, avoiding criticism and controversy.

Men want the right to still use chivalry? Well, that is a sad commentary.

By A. Nony Mouse.

April 17, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

I think the only thing I would add is that the male shall not spit within a 100 yard perimeter of the female. (Any female for that matter)

By DB

April 17, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

Cute list — but not to be taken too seriously. :-) I see quite a few things on the Wife’s List that my husband would claim as a right, too — i.e., the right to an honest answer of “What’s wrong?” Sometimes I bottle things up, while I’m thinking about the best way to approach a problem.

And interesting that men object to graphic descriptions of women’s issues, while at the same time reserving the right to burp and fart in public! :-)

By TIM

April 17, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

2 words…

Pure Stupidity!

By JJ

April 17, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

Jessie’s Girl I am rolling on the floor - outlawed in Douglas County - Fart Monopoly - OMG that is hysterical. I am in tears right now…. You are ON today sister!!!

By Stan

April 17, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

I can’t read the rest of the lists (stupid boss blocking my internets) But as a guy I would add If I can lift the seat, you can put it down. (this really does work with my wife and I love her for it)

Don’t ask me to buy your monthly supplies, for everything I do that you think is gross, that is the 1 and only thing you do that is gross that we men don’t want nothin to do with. We may not understand a lot of other things you do but we do understand that one and we view it as ickky yuck ewww and we don’t want to even have to buy the stuff.

Stan

By JJ

April 17, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

Stan You are not alone, we hate buying the “monthly” stuff too. Everyone in the line behind you knows exactly why you are buying it…..

By One

April 17, 2008 12:53 PM | Link to this

ROTFLMSAO @ Stan, that was hilarious!!! Now you know how we feel about the burping and farting! It’s not that bad, it’s not like we’re asking you to “change them” for us……………HAHAHAHAHAHA, sry, couldn’t help it!!!! Funny stuff……as for the seat, I have no problem lifting it, just might take some getting used to!

As for the grumpy folks, lighten up. If you’re not married already, maybe you all should stay that way, sounds like you’d only make an innocent person miserable!!!

By WAA WAA

April 17, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this

Wow Im glad im not married to any of you women. You are the “where is my knight on a white horse” crowd. Everyone farts and burps and if you dont like letting the guy watch ball then go away. The world is not perfect and never will be.

By Jeff

April 17, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

JJ:

I might be weird, but I hate buying ANYTHING for that general region unless I am in a ‘specialty’ store.

By Jesse's Girl

April 17, 2008 1:42 PM | Link to this

Perhaps we need a BILL OF BOOTY RIGHTS…all that entails?

By Lynn

April 17, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this

Stan - are you worried that everyone in line may think they’re for you?

By Momof2Boys

April 17, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

Guys - grow up about purchasing tampons, etc. Its no big deal and a fact of life. Get over it. If your wife can purchase your hemmoroid cream, you can pick up the tampons from time to time.

Ladies, if you want a good laugh, select some sexy little panties at your local department store and take them to the youngest male cashier the store has working for purchase. The young male cashiers become so uncomfortable while handling your purchase that you’ll have to bite your cheeks to keep from laughing out loud. (one young guy was very gingerly trying to take them off the little hangars and then attempting to fold these delicate undergarments as neatly as he could before placing them in the bag all the while he could not make eye contact and his poor little cheeks were bright red!) Ok — so maybe its not very nice, but it is pretty darn funny.

By Stacey

April 17, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this

My brother (father of five) doesn’t mind buying monthly supplies for his wife because the need for them means she’s not pregnant. :-)

JG…I agree with your addition that just because we mention we have a complaint of problems doesn’t mean we are asking him to solve it. I would like to add that I reserve the right to make a negative comment without him going back to the person saying “Stacey wants to know what the h3ll were you thinking when you ____.” Sweetheart, if it were really a question, I would have asked them, not you. Funny thing is, he (usually) thinks he’s helping me by getting an answer to my question for me.

By DadMania

April 17, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this

Male Rights: Go to a ball game (in person or on TV) without receiving phone calls about when the game is over.

Female Rights: Please, for the love of God, go out and have dinner with your friends.

There is nothing wrong with adults having a life with friends outside the home. Besides, where else will you be able to talk like school girls about our nasty habits.

As for the female hygiene products, it’s no worse than buying TP. It’s a fact of life unless you’re a bear in the woods.

By Stacey

April 17, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

diedre_NC… I am praying for you because I have been in your position more times than I wish to count. It got to the point where I would feel sorry for the people on my new job because I thought my being hired meant that the company/department was going to shut down within a year. I don’t get fired by myself; I take dozens of people with me. ;-) In any case, keep the faith. It doesn’t always seem like it but the right job will come through on time.

By JJ

April 17, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

Momof2Boys I was just going to post similar to yours, but I do just that at Publix when I have to purchase tampons. I look for the youngest male cashier and head right on over. I have to bite my cheeks too…….

What’s even funnier, is when my daughter is with me, and she knows the boy from school.

By FCM

April 17, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

@ DiedraNC… You got it! I opened the Book today (after prayer) to Proverbs 15….I was praying for you, myself and others in this spot….here is the verse(s) that came up:

29 The LORD is far from the wicked but he hears the prayer of the righteous.

I pray it is meant for both of us….One Hiring Manager is waiting for the req approval to bring me in for interview (1st round) and I sent a letter out to the person I interviewed with this week (praying for 2nd round there)…..Good things are popping up for us this spring…I just ‘feel it’—-ok so part of that is that everything ‘God’ has been pointing me to ‘you have to step out on faith’ or ‘faith like a child’.

By FCM

April 17, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this

JJ & Mom you are too funny….when I am in line with those things…I often forget they are in the basket—since its rare to only make that single purchase….I end up being the one red as my child announces I am buying things again…..I end up apologizing.. Y’all should be behing me in line sometime.

However I worked for a drug store years ago. HONEST TO GOD….I had a young (16-17) man buy a box of contraceptive items, he returned it with in 30 seconds… this went on 5 times (no kidding)….this was in the days of handwritten long return forms too….The last time he got half way up the aisle and turned back…it happened to be the party supply aisle…I looked right at him and said “the balloons are to your left perhaps you would like those? My boss was laughing so much he was crying as he informed me that I could not speak that way to a customer….I was 16.

By fk

April 17, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this

Momof2Boys: When I was in high school, I worked in a local dept. store, in the lingerie dept. When we did not want to get pulled to another dept., we would arrange bras. The male managers never came over into that area. If they needed us, they would stand in blouse dept. wave to us to come forward. And, we’d carry a 46F for fun!

By Christopher

April 17, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

Thank God I am gay and don’t have to deal with this stupidity!

By Stacey

April 17, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this

OT to Jeff…I just wanted to tell you that I think my 7 year old read your “how to handle a bully” advise from a couple of weeks ago. There’s a kid in class who he said is a PITA to the whole class but the teacher said she could do anything because she didn’t catch him in the act. He had been avoiding/ignoring the boy but yesterday in the gym, he decided to make sure the kid was caught. He said the coach had walked in the office and he knew that “M” didn’t see her come back out. “G” walked over to “M’s” general area and just as he predicted, “M” snatched the basketball from “G’s” hand & threw it and hit another kid and immediately yelled that “G” did it. Because the coach witnessed it, she took him to the principal’s office. G said the whole class was happy because M didn’t come back to class for the rest of the day. LOL

My husband asked him if he felt even a little guilty for setting M up. He said, “I was just dribbling the ball and minding my own business. I didn’t make “M” take the ball or hit “J” with it.” We both laughed although, with this kid, we are at the “beat the crap out of him and worry about consequences later” stage.

By Christopher

April 17, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

Thank God I am gay and don’t have to deal with this stupidity!

By Momof2Boys

April 17, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

JJ, good share! I’ll have to try that one as well! Does your daughter just die or does she enjoy it right along side Mom? My Mom and I started the panty thing when I was in high school! Good memories :-)

Another fond memory I have from my teen years was sending my younger brother (by 4 1/2 years) down to the corner store to buy tampons for me. He had no problem with it until the day my older brother happened to be standing there, and said, “omg, your buying her those!!! — very loudly with much shock and disgust!! So, that ended my younger brother running to the store to buy tampons! He didn’t know what they were for but he certainly was NOT going to go buy them after seeing big brother’s reaction!

He doesn’t have a problem buying them as an adult for his girlfriend though - so at least I didn’t scar him for life! lol!

By abc

April 17, 2008 3:17 PM | Link to this

She: Honey, will you please go buy me some tampons from the store?

He: Sure, as long as you don’t mind going to fill up the gas can, the lawn needs mowing… don’t forget to edge.

Yeah, right. Sure. Go get your own dayum tampons and feminine products, most men just flat out don’t want to do that, yet you make them do it anyway? Nice.

By JJ

April 17, 2008 3:21 PM | Link to this

Thanks everyone for the funny stories. I haven’t laughed this hard in weeks….We definately strayed WAY off topic today……

oh, and Mom She thinks I’m an idiot, and usually walks away at checkout time….I’ll be ready to hit the checkout line, and go “Oh look, there’s Eric, let’s go to his line.” She rolls her eyes and walks away and I’m standing there giggling like a little school girl. Remember, she is 17.

By Jeff

April 17, 2008 3:24 PM | Link to this

Stacey:

Glad to see that your son dealt with the bully and didn’t have to resort to violence himself.

Are you at that stage with the bully or your son?

The trick to bullies is showing them that they can’t win. PREFERABLY this can be done through some non-violent means, such as what your son did. But if it ever comes to violence - and EVERYTHING else was already tried - just make sure you beat the bully so bad he knows to never EVER so much as LOOK at you wrong again. If you can humiliate him in the process, all the better. (Such as, and this was how I did it when I hit puberty before most other boys around me, if you are perceived as the ‘weakling’ and you put the biggest bully on the block down HARD and FAST. All of a sudden, HE’S the one getting picked on and you have nothing to worry about. Though your parents need to work to make sure you do not BECOME the bully.)

By A'Nesthesia

April 17, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

This whole topic just puts me to sleep. Zzzzzzzzzz…….

By Jeff

April 17, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

ABC:

You certainly have a point. If T would mow the lawn for the rest of our lives, I would have ZERO problem buying her supplies!

Of course, there is so much pollen in our yard - 5 massive trees in our front yard, 3 in the back, plus the neighbor behind us has a virtual forest between our houses along the back fence - that I can barely MOVE after cutting the grass!

By Stan

April 17, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this

You ladies taking fun in embarassing you boys at the checkout with your under garments, shame on you! That is not very nice…ok I’ll admit if I saw that I’d prolly chuckle though.

I’m very lucky that my wife does take pity on me (she understands I am just a guy). The worst thing I have to do is help her shop, though II have a better eye for fashion and what looks good on her than she does so I accept that job.

Lynn, no I don’t worry what other people think. it’s just a prefrence that I don’t wanna buy em. Partly due to I would probably get the wrong things and I don’t want to hear complaints about it.

Stan

PS. everything I say in this blog is said tounge in cheek. I don’t take myself too seriously, it’s not worth it ;)

By Stacey

April 17, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this

Jeff…I meant that we have told our son to beat the crap out of the bully but he won’t even consider it. My son is (generally) considerate to a fault and always tries to see the other person’s POV. Now if he’s wrestling or “rough-housing” with his dad, uncle or teenage cousins, he shows no mercy but the threat of punishment will not make him hit someone in anger, even when it’s clearly self defense.

By Jesse's Girl

April 17, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

I just ran this Husband’s Bill Of Rights by Mr Jese. He smirked and then offered me his IPod for a quick listen. He was enjoying his anthem…Brad Paisley’s “I’m Still a Guy”. Indeed he is….

He also added that his addendum would be one night a week, dinner would consist of some beef related entree(preferably steak) and that once a week he could have nookie whenever he wanted…whether I was up for it or not. He’s so cute!

By Jeff

April 17, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

Stacey:

Other than to say that it is imperative that you teach your son that in some situations, violence IS the best approach, I would say ‘GREAT job’ to him. At his age, let’s just say I didn’t keep my fists as close to my body as I do now.

By Jeff

April 17, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this

JG:

I LOVE that song, and yes, it pretty well sums us up!

I would change his second request to ‘where ever’ (on the wife’s body), but I like the basic idea!

Tis amazing the conversations a group of friends will have when drunk in a bar. Of the 4 couples we hang out with on a regular basis (T’s sis, T’s best friend, and T’s best friend’s sis and the associated husbands/boyfriend), suffice it to say that we all learned very interesting stuff about each other last Sat night….

Which reminds me of another commandment for the ladies: Guys have the right to talk about bedroom exploits to our friends, even if those friends are the husbands of your friends and you didn’t want to know your friends quite THAT well.

By Donna Outlaw

April 17, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this

No, not all men look at porn and I was just as excited, if not more so, to be at “the big game” for the 2nd time in four years watching OUR LSU Tigers win the BCS National Championship. My hubby and I don’t keep score, don’t keep secrets, we’re best friends, we’re there for each other, and we respect what is hurtful to the other. Oh and Vladimir, I’m menopausal so there are no graphic details about one thing you mentioned. You are a moron and unless you’ve bullied some poor woman into staying with you, you’re either single or have been married a bunch of times…lol

By One

April 17, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

Jeff, I say bedroom exploits should be kept between the two in the bedroom. Believe it or not, that kinda talk almost always leads to trouble…….and it’s so “high school” to kiss and tell. Plus, I wouldn’t let any woman know what I had at home, that’s my business. But then, I tend to be a more private person.

Jesse’s Girl, I would have to add that one to my list - nooky whenever I want, as often as I want (which usually out-paces the man by far!)! He better eat his Wheaties!! lol

By Vladimir

April 17, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this

Been married only once for 14 years, Ms. Donna (a rarity in today’s society). If my wife gets fat, I’m gone and she can have it call (vis versa). And yes, all men look at porn, including your husband (if you allow him to - if not, he’s waiting until you leave the house to look it up!)

By Jeff

April 17, 2008 4:33 PM | Link to this

One:

It being ‘high school’ is one of the points! Locker room talk and all…. it is one of the ways guys bond.

Besides, if nothing else, it helps in the creativity department. You’re either always trying to play catch up, or you’re trying to make sure you remain the most creative.

And let’s face it, I can honestly say that after only 6 months of marraige, creativity is NOT a bad thing every once in a while! (Another of those things I never thought I’d say, and it is NOT a slam in ANY way on T. I get bored doing ANYTHING the exact same way every day for 6 months! Probably the reason my radio habits in my car on the drive to work have changed about 5 times in the 8 months I’ve lived with T and worked in Macon!)

By abc

April 17, 2008 4:35 PM | Link to this

Puh-leeeeze. Jeff, nobody wants to hear about your ‘bedroom exploits’. Are you 18? Men don’t talk about stuff like that.

Vlad, lots of men ignore porn. Grow up. It’s just a picture.

By Donna Outlaw

April 17, 2008 4:45 PM | Link to this

Everyone in line knows what you’re buying tampons etc for? So? GROW UP! Does it bother you that everyone in the convience store sees you pick up that porn magazine and knows what you’re going to do with it?

By Jeff

April 17, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

abc:

A) You obviously haven’t been around the group of friends we hang out with. Even when sober, the sexual innuendos are near constant, and not always from the guys!

B) No worries about discussing them here. Two reasons: One, I try to keep my comments relatively ‘family friendly’ and two, I know of a few people in my offline life (namely my mother and maybe a few others) that could possibly read this and they know my alter ego here. And though T doesn’t believe me on this point, there ARE things that T knows that my mom does not. And I’d rather keep it that way.

By abc

April 17, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this

You’re right, Jeff, my friends are mostly adults. They consider excessive sexual innuendo among friends and platonic acquaintances to be poor taste. Relating details of a husband and wife’s physical intimacy is just plain juvenile, there’s no place for that in adult company in any way that resembles civility.

No kidding, some things your wife knows about you that your mother doesn’t… hm, something about ‘shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife’, or in your case, maybe something about aerodynamic pigs.

Donna, just go buy your own dayum tampons, fer cryin’ out loud!

By Jesse's Girl

April 17, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this

I have to agree….while nearly every man is predisposed to be crude and horny…not all men are tempted by pornography. Its unhealthy and I have seen what it can do to an otherwise healthy marriage. Besides…it only takes a little imagination to light his candle:)

By Jesse's Girl

April 17, 2008 5:07 PM | Link to this

Aerodynamic pigs!!! OMG….Just about spit out my tea with that one!!! And on my paper work no less!

By fk

April 17, 2008 5:14 PM | Link to this

What kind of man speaks of what goes on between him and his wife or SO during private moments? Did someone miss the chivalrous item on the husband’s bor?

By motherjanegoose

April 17, 2008 7:26 PM | Link to this

abc…I have mowed many yards and as I said in a previous post have hauled a truck full of hay for the cattle and stacked it in the barn. Grow up. I rarely ask my husband to buy personal things. maybe 5 times in 25 years but he WILL do it if I ask.
New right that just popped into my head: If you take dishes, knives, and our silverware to work with you when you are bringing a dish for a company potluck…PLEASE bring them home. Also, if you use table knives for “what?” in the garage…bring them back inside. I have found all sorts of kitchen things that have been lost in space in our garage…do they walk out there?

By Jesse's Girl

April 17, 2008 7:55 PM | Link to this

So…the moral of our little tale today? We’d rather you’d not fart or burp in public..its neither cute nor funny. We’d love it if you’d realize that you are not in fact married to Shannon Tweed and dressing like her is out of the question unless it is Halloween and there are many EMPTY martini glases strewn about. You fellas have but one humble request….don’t ask you to make a Tampax run. We gotcha.

By nurse&mother

April 18, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

Thanks to all those hilarious comments yesterday. I worked almost 13 hours and came home around midnight. I usually unwind and read all the news online, check email, etc. I read through yesterdays blog and laughed so hard I was crying!! Thanks for the entertainment.

By Dude

April 18, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

I think that the Right to an honest answer to the question “Whats wrong?” should be on both lists. The answer that women give of “If you don’t know then never mind” is annoying as he**! Obviously I dont know or I would not have asked!!

By abc

April 18, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

What is it with the tampons? Is this another toilet seat issue?

Mother Goose, it’s nice that Farmer Weenie is so happy to go buy your feminine products for you. I’ll bet he’s smiling and happy the whole way there and back, just the picture of Mr. Popular Agricultural Digest 2008. Shoot, I’d do it too, if asked. I just wouldn’t like it.

By Buck From Tucker

April 18, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

I would like the dang right to hunt from our bedroom. We got a nice corn field in back of the trailer and every dang morning there is probably ten or twelve deer and one big ole buck. My wife says I can’t shoot the 30-06 from my side of the bed out the window.

Another right I’d like to have is to stop having so many dang kids running around our yard tearing everything up and cussing, fighting and all that. I just wanna come home one night from my eleven hour shift to not find something of mine all shot to heck with .22 bullets.

By Buck From Tucker

April 18, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

Dangit! This has got me madder than a mule eating briars! I got so many of these rights swirling through my head I just got to get these things out!

I need to right to hang my dang ≥38 Special mirror I won when I was 10-years old at the fair. My wife says no one listens that kind of music anymore, but I have told one a thousand times it is probably a collectors item by now and one heck of lot more valuable than Pirates of The Caribbean poster.

I’d also like the right enjoy some Skippy peanut butter every once in a while without seeing someone has been dipping their cracker, cookies, fingers, or worse in there. I gotta whole box of plastic ware from big lots in the big drawer for everyone to use, but I’m the only doing that by god!

I want to have more say in what clothes she picks out for me. Eleven hours a day I am in a Napa Auto Parts uniform and hat, but when I get home I want to put on my own clothes and not find my old ones thrown out for new ones I did not choose for myself. What the heck is wrong with cutoff jeans and a sleeveless tee shirt. She acts like we’re living in Stone Mountain or something around all them rich folks. For lord sakes, my name is Buck and we live in a trailer with our four kids. Get over it and lemme drink my dang beer in peace!

One last thing, when Dagmar Midcap is doing the weather on channel 46, is it too much to ask for everyone to shut up? I work eleven hours a day and all I want to do is watch that woman do the weather. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, but instead I got a house full of screaming kids and a wife at the table stinking up the trailer making her crafts.

By deidre_NC

April 18, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

lol… i was remembering after my first child we had to use condoms—yall know the drill (no pun intended lol) my very ‘macho’ husband went to the drugstore and got his nerve up to ask the pharmacist for some and was told they are on aisle 13 lol….all his nervousness for nothing…

thanks for all the prayers yall—i am to have my second and last interview next week to meet with the one who would be my boss’s boss—it is between me and 1 more person…so i am trying to figure ot how to seem better for the job than someone i do not know lo…i am praying that he accespts a different job today :)

By JJ

April 18, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this

Diedra Power of positive thinking, like FCM told you yesterday (I think it was her).

THE JOB IS YOURS!!! Claim it!!

Let us know…..My fingers are crossed.

By FCM

April 18, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

Diedre—-think of all the things you know about the position….think of all the possible objections that they may have….Spend the weekend putting a preso together….go in with laptop in tow and WOW their socks off…

Now, I had a call back yesterday and cannot get anyone on the phone today. :o( I am going to try again. I am also praying for a 2nd on that one earlier this week plust of course that 3rd one to get the req!

By Jesse's Girl

April 18, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

FCM….what is your work background? Mr Jesse has 3 open req’s that he hasn’t been able to fill. Its in logistics….not sure of the specifics.

By FCM

April 22, 2008 2:49 PM | Link to this

@JG—Business/Financial Analyst mainly…what kind of logistics…some of what I do/have done lends itself to that field. Also procurement is in the relm of my skills.

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