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DEL.ICIO.USUp for this marriage challenge?
Could you have sex for 30 consecutive days? Do you think it would improve your marriage?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A church in Florida wanted to help married couples deal with the major problems in their lives: money and sex.
The church set up a financial series to help address the fiduciary issues.
And, for their sexual problems, the church challenged the married couples to have sex at least once a day for 30 continuous days. The challenge began in mid-February.
The pastor of the Relevant Church in Tampa, Fla., says that God wants married couples to have sex. His church believes that by increasing intimacy the couples will increase communication. The theory is if the couples have sex for 30 days then sex would become a habit.
This is normally the part of the column where I write about my own experiences, but my husband has begged me not to write about our sex life. So instead, I talked to five metro-area moms to see what they thought of the 30-Day Sex Challenge and if they thought it would improve their marriages. All of the moms I spoke with have been married at least 10 years and all have at least two kids.
The first mom I talked to (let’s call her Mom A) couldn’t stop laughing when I told her the concept. “Well, that would get old after Day 1,” she quipped. “Let’s see Monday night is TV. Tuesday is laundry. Let me tell you all the other reasons why we don’t.” She said he needs to get to her by 8 p.m. if there’s a chance of sex, but that means stopping their daily chores. For example, the other night they chose to work on their taxes instead of having sex. (They’re getting a refund.)
All the women I talked with agreed that their husbands would like to have more sex. However, the wives cited tiredness, chores and, oddly, feeling full after dinner as reasons why they didn’t. They also mentioned being touched all day by their children so they didn’t want to be touched at night.
Many of the women thought the 30 days would be like when they were trying to get pregnant.
Mom B, who is currently pregnant with her third child, said “I’m having a hard time getting my mind around it. Is it going to be like when you’re trying for a baby? Is the goal just to get it accomplished even if you’re not into it?”
Mom B also had logistical issues with the idea of planning on having sex for 30 days. For example, she said, the other night her daughter came into their bedroom and threw up in the bed. She said that would pretty much ruin any sex plans that night.
The biggest upside Mom B saw to having sex every night was that she would be sure to get her kids to bed on time and her family would be on a tighter schedule.
Another mom (Mom C) recently cancelled her maternity insurance to help save money. She was concerned 30 days of sex would increase her chances of getting pregnant and in turn her out-of-pocket expense. Mom C, whose children aren’t in school yet, said, “Staying at home with kids is such a physically demanding job. If my husband expects dinner on the table and the house to be cleaned, then I am done when the kids are in bed. I don’t want to have to do something else for someone.”
Mom D wanted to clarify if the sex had to be with the same man all 30 days. (We told her yes!) She said she thought she and her husband could have easily done it before kids, but now there are just too many other things to do. “We’re done. We have children. We’re good.”
Only one mom out of the five (Mom E) thought she could easily fulfill the 30-day requirement and she was the one who seemed to be having sex the most regularly already — several times a week. When asked how she accomplished it, she said, “I don’t sleep and it shows, but that’s what happens. Something is given up and it tends to be sleep.”
But she does believe, as did all of the women I spoke with, that sex if good for your marriage. “Any time you bring a husband and wife together it’s a connection. If you go several weeks without having it, it becomes easier to lose the connection all together. Without that connection, money and all the other typical reasons why parents get divorced become bigger.” She added, “Or at the very least you have a good 15 minutes.”
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Comments
By notachore4me
March 3, 2008 7:29 AM | Link to this
This challenge seems like something fun to try. My only concern would be that possibly too much of a good thing could be no good. I may find it difficult to have desire every day after the first two weeks or so. Maybe every other day would be better for me. Nonetheless,I think sex is important, especially as a communication of love and acceptance to most men. I think that kids, careers, and household management chores are poor excuses for not connecting with your spouse. I think that healthy intimacy with a life partner is just as important as all of the above and that if one’s life is too busy to accomodate all of those, sex should not be the first thing to go. I think part of the problem is that some women view sex as something to be given to him rather than a restoractive act with benefits for self, in a way like sleeping. Sure, some people sacrifice sleep to be more productive, but there gets to be a point of diminishing returns. Just like with sleep, I think every adult has a bare minimum amount of initimacy that is needed, as well as an optimal amount for peak life performance. I think some wives do not acknowledge their man’s minumun as just as valid as their personal minimum and then conflict ensues. If, instead, more women viewed sex as similiar to sleep, I think that more couples would be happier overall.
By paul in J-ville
March 3, 2008 8:06 AM | Link to this
Theresa, I think your “subjects” are incredibly shallow and obviously wallow in excuses instead of looking at the upside. I am a married MALE who has been through almost all that a marriage could endure, however, after 26 years and still 2 teenagers in the house (2 gone), my wife and I still manage to “MAKE” the time to be with each other several times a week while both having careers. You see Theresa, its a choice, not an excuse. If your subjects put more into the thought process and how exciting and creative it still could be they would want to have sex on a daily basis. My wife and I have Re-discovered our intimacy and I agree with the Pastor, everything else (stresses and arguments) seem to be minimized. People - wake up before you realize what a crummy short life you have if you don’t take advantage of the good things.
By Jess
March 3, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this
Hmmm, very interesting…These women are referring to sex as if it is going to take hours upon hours upon hours! come on! I usually have 15 minutes to spare? (and yes I work and I am a mom) You feel better after, and I bet you’ll have some of that much needed sleep seeing as it takes soooo much energy to throw a load of laundry in the washer!
By MADMOMMY
March 3, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this
With a young child in the house, it is not as easy to find the time and energy to have sex, but we do set aside time everynight to talk and relate to each other as people and not just mom and dad. Having sex is great and the more often you have it, the better our relationship seems to be, but it isn’t everything and nor should it. What is good for one couple might not be right for everyone. If someone suggested this to me, I too would laugh and I think we would give it a good week and then be done.
By MADMOMMY
March 3, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this
With a young child in the house, it is not as easy to find the time and energy to have sex, but we do set aside time everynight to talk and relate to each other as people and not just mom and dad. Having sex is great and the more often you have it, the better our relationship seems to be, but it isn’t everything and nor should it. What is good for one couple might not be right for everyone. If someone suggested this to me, I too would laugh and I think we would give it a good week and then be done.
By Akima
March 3, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this
And you wonder why your husband strays?
And you wonder why the divorce rate is so high.
What a shame all the married women don’t want to have sex with the man they chose to spend the rest of their lives with.
No wonder middle aged men go after younger girls. They aint’ getting nothing but excuses at home…….
By Raqi
March 3, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this
Odd challenge for a church to initiate but I understand the motive. For me first of all I couldn’t have sex for 30 consecutive days because I am not to be touched during my flow. No way. I can not get with that and never will. So that eliminates about 6 days there. And secondly when sex is made to feel like a chore it takes away from the sensuality of it. IMO it wouldn’t feel like I am sharing myself with my husband, but I am doing one the chores around the house. No thank you. My husband and I have a pretty active sex life now and we don’t do it every single day. But to better our relationship we not only have fun with it but we make sure it stays on the priority list. We call each other spontaneously for a mid afternoon romp during lunch. We wake a little earlier than usual some mornings to start the day of right, LOL. There are tons of things that we do to make sure the intimacy in our lives continue to heighten. Now mind you the only child that we have at home is now 13 so that makes it a lot easier. But I think that not being under the demand to do something makes you more willing.
By jmc
March 3, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this
No problem for me. Hubby on the other hand may not be able to keep up :)
By nurse&mother
March 3, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this
I know that it can be exhausting to be a mother, not to mention a working mother. BUT one must find some time to be intimate with one’s spouse. I will admit that there are sometimes that my husband gets a “quickie”. I personally like to take my time. My husband knows that the quickies are just for him. I realize that the long drawn out times are for me. Marriage is all give and take. I agree with whoever said who doesn’t have time for 15 minutes?
By Necie
March 3, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this
Finding time for intimacy is important and should not be overlooked. BUT there is absolutely no way that I would be able to have sex with my husband every day for 30 days! There aren’t enough hours in the day NOR is there enough energy in my body. I think it’s WRONG for people to judge these women mentioned in the article because they are honest enough to admit that they wouldn’t be for the challenge. Not all of us are sexual beings. My husband and I are on very bad terms but we manage to satisfy that itch about 2 or 3 times a week. He’s very sexual and I just don’t want to hear him complain so… But it shouldn’t be like that at all!!!
By Jesse's Girl
March 3, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this
SEX IS AWESOME!!!!! There, I said it. I find it troubling that these moms you interviewed Theresa, are approaching sex with their husbands as a chore….something to be tolerated. There is an article on CNN.com about sexual incompatability. Its basic marriage math…1+1=1. Sex is an intregal part of a solid, healthy marriage. You want your man to care about your day the way you think he should?……have sex with him. And I’m not talking about sex in the bed where you’re on the bottom doing your duty. I mean the kind where he KNOWS you cannot keep your hands off of him! The kind that makes him remember why he doesn’t stray….why being married to you is so good! A man needs to feel macho. The best way to do that is to give him a smidge of control. Ladies need to feel understood and listened to. Thats how we feel deep love. But for men, its sex. If they don’t get it at home…believe me…they will be hard presed to deny it when it knocks on their door in the form of foriegn female attention.
I wish more married couples would take this “sex everyday” challenge. At the very least your stress levels will fall. And you may find yourselves growing closer together instead of aprt. Now…you may still fantasize about Jason Statham or Selma Hyack…who deosn’t? But thats a whole other aspect of a healthy marriage….
By Necie
March 3, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this
Nurse&Mother
It takes a lot more than 15 minutes for me to reach climax. And if I am not reaching climax then what the heck am I doing??? That is how I feel about it. I am not just here to satisfy my husband but he should be here to satisfy me as well. Oh, well. Maybe it’s just my Yankee mentality. :o)
By Jesse's Girl
March 3, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this
And lets not forget guys… there’s more to sex than just the baby-makin’ kind. There are a lot of ways to be sexually close. I think this challenge has little to do with the act of sex. Its about connecting with your spouse daily on an intimate level. As much as I love it….I couldn’t do the deed everyday. You don’t even have to be a parent to feel on the verge of death at the end of some days. The point is intimate, loving contact. Everyone can do that to some extent.
By Necie
March 3, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
Jesse’s Girl
I completely respect your opinion and we agree in many areas. :o) But let me tell you, there is NOTHING like coming home from a stressed out day at work and being greeted by three little demanding children plus their father who expect you to cook, clean, bathe, referee, console, tutor, train, tame, and then some within the 4 hour window between your arrival and your bedtime. I have to hit the hay by 10 in order to get up by 5am to get the kids ready for school by 7am and my behind in my office by 8 - 9. And that’s the reality of life with kids (plus a career). Heck, half of the time I have at least one brat in the bed at night. They’re our “Birth Control we can trust”! LOL
By FCM
March 3, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this
OK, in the Bible there are reasons why you should abstain from relations. These include the ‘cyclical days’ and several days after while the body ‘heals’…..so How do you do the 30 consec and still adhere to the bible then?
Now don’t get me wrong….I know folks who don’t care about the ‘cycle’ and keep right on at it….
I also agree relations are healthy and necessary part of a good marriage. A VERY necessary part for this Mom.
By lakerat
March 3, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this
As a male who has been happily maried for 22 months (and not consecutively) out of 25 years marriage to the same woman, I am appalled at the lack of knowledge about “baby making” that some of the moms display. You should have learned many years ago that to make a baby you only have a 1-3 day window during your “cycle” to conceive; further, if you try for several days in a row (much less 30 days straight - though your mate may be happy) you are being counter productive to your overall goal - making a baby. You need to know that the more a male ejaculates, the less likely he is to produce “hunters” that can get the job done. Hence, if you do NOT want to get pregant, then try the 30 day deal and you are just about guaranteed not to get pregnant.
Having completed your daily sex education lesson, I wil now move on to another topic that may benefit many of you, and this is that you do not necessarily have to “open up” to your mate, but just give him a hand and that will be sufficient and will still count toward the goal. However, as Neci says, if there is nothing in it for her then why bother? That is a fair question, with the answer being that her mate also has the responsibility to return the favor, so that all is fair.
And yes, both my wife and I work, and we have two kids in college - and, yes, I do the dishes and she cooks; I do my laundry and she does hers (neither of us married until we were 30 so were kind of set in our ways); I vacuum and she dusts; and we both have time for each other, not necessarily every day or week, but enough so that it stays interesting - thanks goodness for Mr. Gallo, Ms. Margerita, and Mr. & Ms. K Y!
By Jesse's Girl
March 3, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this
Ok…if we can NOT mention Mr and Mrs KY again…that would be super. There are some mental pics I do not need.
By DB
March 3, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this
I don’t know what bemuses me most — the fact that Moms A through E seem to consider sex a dismal chore or that 30 days of constant sex is going to “promote” intimacy. Intimacy is far more than Tab A into Slot B. Anyone can make sex a routine chore — that’s not intimacy.
It seems to me that the major problem a lot of couples have is that they do not place their husbands/wives in the primary position of love and respect. Once the kids are gone, folks, there’s only you and hubby/wifey. Unless you’ve actively made the effort to put your marriage first, then you can pretty much kiss it goodbye and find a good divorce attorney. I have to admit, I feel sorry for the husbands of some of these women, who value a clean house more than a cuddle with their hubby. Anyone looking at my house would have absolutely no doubt about what I value!
By Necie
March 3, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this
LMAO@ DB - I LOVE the last statement you made!!!
I didn’t mention to you that what stresses my intimacy is the fact that I am the main breadwinner of my house. Along with that, there is no sharing of chores (unless I get my kids involved) AND I am finishing my MBA. I am the handyman around the house, I am the accountant… You name the task, that’s what I do. It’s very stressful and if you ask me, I think I should close up shop and not give him ANYTHING! LOL!!! I don’t think he deserves it. But I do enjoy the sex so…
By Jesse's Girl
March 3, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this
I feel the same way DB. Its all about priorities. If a couple is having difficulty finding time and energy for a monthly get-back-to-us date….then its not that important to you. Want happy/secure children? Let them catch mommy and daddy kissing in the kitchen…or snuggling on the couch…or dancing! Our children may not grow up having had the latest in clothing, video games or the most expensive vacations…but they will become adults knowing what a remarkable marriage looks like. Thats why staying intimate is so important!!!! Not only does it keep you connected emotionally and physically…bit I truly believe it has the power to make you better parents.
Some of you husbands need to be more romantic and caring and some of you wives need to give the man a break and just give him some.
By Jesse's Girl
March 3, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this
Necie….you just received a free pass girl! Kick his BOOTY and then keep your’s to yourself!:)
By Mary
March 3, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this
ONLY once a day? OMG, hubby and I are like teenagers in a movie theater, and we have been married over 12 years. We can’t keep out hands off each other. We have sex sometimes up to three times a day. And we have 3 kids, two dogs, etc, but still find time at least twice a day to be intimate…..
We have had “date night” every Saturday for the last 10 years. The kids go to their grandparents on the weekends, alternating between his parents and mine. So we are on our own most of the weekends.
We have gotten pretty creative with our love, and I think that’s what keeps it interesting and exciting. We never know where we will be….or what to expect…..and when the kids are gone, clothing is optional around our house.
By Chief Wiggum
March 3, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this
The chief is very disappointed. It does sound like sex is a chore, a bargaining tool, and a reward. It’s also used as leverage (” should close up shop and not give him ANYTHING! LOL!!! I don’t think he deserves it.”).
If you can’t deal with sexuality in a frank, honest fashion, and let all these other irritations fester, it goes to why the communication in your marriage stinks.
Those of you who can’t be bothered to set aside 30 minutes twice a week need to re-assess your priorities. Some things are worth losing a little sleep over. If being intimate with your husband isn’t a priority, tell him, and you two either work through it, or maybe you’re not compatible after all.
By nurse&mother
March 3, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this
I am a little confused by Lakerat’s comment about “being happily married for 22months (and not consecutively) out of 25 years and to the same woman”. I realize that sometimes I am a little slow on the uptake, but does this mean that he has only been happy for 22 months out of 25 years? If this is the case, then IMHO it’s time to get out!! That’s sad. Although, he didn’t necessarily sound unhappy. So once again, I am confused and must have misunderstood.
By Vicki
March 3, 2008 3:09 PM | Link to this
nurse&mother, I’m not confused. He is posting an sex ed class and he doesn’t even tend his own garden. That is sad indeed.
By motherjanegoose
March 3, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this
Just another case of preachers who state their opinion without looking at the bigger picture: where will they get the nursery workers to man the church nursery after members are having sex for 30 straight days….LOL. Raise your hand if you have done your duty in the church nursery. I remember one time we had this woman who was NOT a mother and she was helping out in the nursery. We were warming bottles, that were labeled and she was acting like…any bottle can go with any baby…just put one in it’s mouth. I said, OH NO YOU CANNOT GIVE A BABY SOMEONE ELSE’S BOTTLE…HOLD ON A MINUTE. She did not understand why a breastfed baby would have a problem with formula and the formula baby getting someone’s breastmilk…HELLO? We still are amazed!
By Jeff
March 3, 2008 3:28 PM | Link to this
I saw this story a couple of weeks ago when it first came out - on Yahoo Odd News, I think.
I do find it interesting, but as has been noted, it aint physically possible unless the woman has had something done to make certain events either non-montly or never again.
Now, on to general attitudes about sex:
While many guys (probably even myself included) could do more to help ourselves out in this area (and I’m not talking about manual, but rather helping more around the house, making her feel more loved, etc), women need to realize that to most men, the following are their top three NEEDS from their wife:
1) They need to feel needed. 2) Respect. 3) Sexual fulfillment.
Those three are interchangeable depending on the man, but nearly every man out there will have those three issues as his top 3.
And guess what ladies? Sex touches on all three.
I can honestly say that in my own life, when T is fulfilling all three of those needs, I would go out barefoot and naked in a snowstorm in Antartica to battle Satan himself with a toy water gun for her.
And while most guys wouldn’t use that illustration, they’d have the same feeling.
By Jesse's Girl
March 3, 2008 3:44 PM | Link to this
Mr Jesse thinks this preacher’s motivations are purely selfish. He said…”If the man wants more sex, why doesn’t he just ask his wife for more? Why does he have to “challenge” the rest of the church?”. Perhaps he’s right. The nursery worker comment is dead on though….people would either be too tired or too on edge to volunteer.
By fk
March 3, 2008 3:47 PM | Link to this
I agree with what DB had to say, but I think that the “just the two of you” routine starts much earlier…when your children start going out at night on the weekends, on a regular basis. In the beginning of this new phase, one night we were getting ready to sit at the diningroom table for dinner and laughed. Our son was out and we were like the unsupervised teenagers at home. My husband starts asking our son on Wednesdays what the weekend plans are. He thinks his dad is being nosy, but Daddy-O is also planning ahead. During those super-busy-get-them-to practice-here-there-and-everywhere years, we never could imagine just the two of us all alone again, but it does happen. And, it happens quick, so don’t lose track of who you are as a couple. We’re really enjoying this time. It’s not all about sex, although that is an important part of the relationship. He gives wonderful foot massage and can cook…and most importantly, he can still make me laugh.
By Jeff
March 3, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this
LOL JG!!
It DOES seem that way, doesn’t it? Though it could be his best friend isn’t getting enough and goes to his church.
Or, it could be a genuine challenge to get couples to strengthen their marraige.
In any case, I think the results will outweigh any flaw in his motivations.
Ladies, you know that guys are simple. We really are. So just always remember: “The key to my husband’s happiness is respect, sexual fulfillment, and he needs to be needed.” Fill those three needs, and you’d be AMAZED what your husband will do for you.
By LydiasDad
March 3, 2008 3:55 PM | Link to this
Mary,
I wish you’d talk to my wife.
By Vicki
March 3, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this
My eyes are burning!!!!! Way too much insight from a poster. We don’t need the details!
Jesse’s Girl…don’t do it!! :)
By Jesse's Girl
March 3, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this
Good Lord Mary…once a day is fine by me. We both prefer morning…but we take it when we can get it:) 3 times a day would require a Martini or 4 and maybe him in an apron and cowboy hat cleaning the house….I’m not hard to please. If there’s time for 3-fer…you’ve got to be fair and squeeze in a nap somewhere. Naps need love too.
By Hayley
March 3, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this
I have given this blog more than a million chances, but I give up. It’s not relevant and the writer’s opinions are odd, to say the least. I prefer the local parenting blog on Atlanta Magazine’s website and the national imperfectparent.com.
By Chief Wiggum
March 3, 2008 5:16 PM | Link to this
Hayley, Hayley, Hayley….
You do realize that once you become a parent, all those other things (like sex drive) don’t shut off. We’re not living in an era where talk about sex is so horribly taboo. It’s not like this blog is being read by kids. It’s (hopefully) being read by mature adults, that have had sex at least enough to create children…so the equipment works.
Hayley, best of luck to you.
By Charles Robertson
March 3, 2008 5:30 PM | Link to this
I’m an attorney. For a number of years I made a very good living doing divorce work (probably handled or supervised +1000s)…even written books about it. (Also happily married 25 yrs 4 kids) When I saw the Yahoo story several days ago, I chuckled thinking about the guys that took over my practice. I think I can state with some level of authority that if the bulk of my clients had been parishoners, I would have been in another line of work. Whether a lack of intimate relations is the result of problems, or the cause, in my experience there was a staggering one to one relationship between clients divorcing and little or no sex in the last year of their relationship prior to filing. Just my $.02
By Charles Robertson
March 3, 2008 5:32 PM | Link to this
Sorry…meant to finish with …
Although I do concede that there were a large number of exceptions.
By GatorDad
March 3, 2008 5:43 PM | Link to this
Every day for 30 days? I’d be happy with sex once a week for 30 weeks. Can we start there and work our way up?
By Jesse's Girl
March 3, 2008 5:55 PM | Link to this
Hayley…thank you for visiting our little family. Odd as all of our opinions may be on any given day…its a freakin’ blog. Its not like we’re legislating over here. And I’ve been to the sites you mentioned. Pretty much the same thing….just WAY more boring. But you have a fantastic day!!
By Shaye
March 3, 2008 5:55 PM | Link to this
@Jeff: “it aint physically possible unless the woman has had something done to make certain events either non-montly or never again.” ??? Not physically possible? Really? Coulda fooled me. My husband’s up for it anytime (no pun intended), and it’s just whether I am feeling crappy or not that dictates whether we do or don’t. It is most CERTAINLY physically possible when a woman in menstruating. You may be grossed out, but that’s your hangup. :P
Let me echo the sadness some have expressed at the attitude that so many women seem to have that it’s a chore. Granted, I’ve only been with my husband 3 years and we have an odd marriage, but he’s a sexy btch and believes the purpose of sex is to please your partner. Maybe I’m just incredibly lucky (well, I am…), but it seems like some others are marrying (or *staying married) for the wrong reasons or to the wrong people.
To answer the original question. I don’t know that requiring sex for 30 days is a good idea. How about “something intimate” each day? Or 30 times in 30 days? There are days when I don’t feel like it, too, or we somehow get too busy and then are too tired, but they are the exception rather than the rule, and I sure do hope it stays that way!
By jakes ma
March 3, 2008 6:34 PM | Link to this
Hayley, I like the blogs you’ve mentioned and have even posted before. Sorry you don’t like it here. This is actually my first post but I like to read what people have to say. Give it another chance. Nobody likes everything they read but that’s what blogs are all about. (I dont think the other blogs are boring, btw, Jesse’s Girl, but that’s just me! I love to soak up all parenting opinions and it beats watching Dr. Phil!)
By Moses
March 3, 2008 7:32 PM | Link to this
So some of you are afraid to “part the red sea”. To each their own, but i’ve found that some ladies feel that it helps with cramps and actually makes them feel better during a time that they’re feeling lousy. Try it in the shower—in the dark if needed.
By Jesse's Girl
March 3, 2008 7:33 PM | Link to this
There are so many, many aspects to parenting. It goes far beyond what activity to place your little one in, or how long is too long to keep them on a stellar pre-k wait list, or what the best family vacation spots are offering this summer. That is the jist of what I have read on those blogs. This blog touches on subjects that may not be considered the soccer-mom norm. However because of these subjects, you can often end your day with a point of view you never really considered before. Thats what I meant by “boring”.
By DB
March 3, 2008 7:34 PM | Link to this
Jeff, as I am sure you are aware, the Biblical injunctions against having sex on “unclean” days were a not-so-subtle way of promoting sex during the times of the month a woman is most fertile, thereby increasing the flock, so to speak. :-) It IS physically possible to have intercourse during mensturation. It may not be optimal, but some women find the increased blood flow to the region at that time even increases sexual response. However, sex is 90% mental —and if that’s not something that a couple is comfortable with, then it really doesn’t matter.
Most women I know are split on the subject — some are so uncomfortable with cramping, etc., during their period that they have absolutely zero sexual desire. For others, it doesn’t phase them in the least. However, that is an accomodation that must be made by each husband and wife. Unless you and T. are Orthodox Jews and T. visits a mikveh every month, please don’t make blanket assumptions regarding sexual intercourse during mensturation.
By smokey fenmore
March 4, 2008 6:31 AM | Link to this
Thank God teresa stopped short of telling us SHE was taking the 30 day challenge. Oh the horror of THAT image.. my brain eyes! my brain eyes!!!!…
By joebrave
March 4, 2008 6:56 AM | Link to this
Ladies I’d like to be the first to Volunteer my services to ant woman in need!!!
By Harold
March 4, 2008 7:00 AM | Link to this
Harold is all for it as long as he can bring in a new recruit every day. The wife can too. Fair is fair!
By Jeff
March 4, 2008 7:14 AM | Link to this
One question for the ladies. Are you and your husband on the same team or are you on your own team? It’s difficult to be motivated to be an “equal partner” when the woman shows such disdain for the intimacy in a relationship. I truly feel sorry for some of the husbands out there. No wonder men are asking women to marry them less and less and later and later.
By SP
March 4, 2008 7:41 AM | Link to this
I find it disturbing that many people see this as a “chore”. I was married for 15 years to a woman that didn’t like sex. We finally divorced after she found a man that can’t have sex (they say it’s a medical condition- I call it gay). They are perfect for each other. I found a woman that demands it daily. I have to work out to keep up my stamina for the weekends. And yes, the mightiest captain will sail through the red sea.
By Jeff
March 4, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this
Shaye, Moses, DB, and maybe a couple of others:
Thank you. Not for your posts, as you completely missed my point. But for pointing out to me the error of my ways in another arena where I have been guilty of the same thing you just did: Picking out an early less-than-100%-technically-accurate detail and missing the main point of the message. I hope I have learned my lesson and never again make that mistake.
Everyone:
Let me reiterate again for the wives: Fulfill a man’s three fold primary need of Respect, Needs to Feel Needed, and Sexual Fulfillment, and you will be AMAZED at what your husband will do for you. I haven’t met a man YET where it can be said that he felt his wife did those three things completely and he wasn’t a husband that every wife in his circle of friends wanted to have.
Husbands (and I’m saying this to myself as well): Honestly, there are typically things that WE can do to enhance how our wife feels about fulfilling those three needs. Help out more around the house/ with the kids. Notice the small things and get them done - without being told. Tell her how beautiful she is CONSTANTLY. Keep the comments about the hot chick in the bikini to your self - unless you are specifically mentioning that your wife looks FAR better than said chick.
All: I aint claiming to have all the answers, and I aint claiming to be perfect. But I AM actively trying to learn more AND do more. The message that I’m trying to give here has come from MULTIPLE sources, some famous, some not so famous, but I have learned to trust each and every one. And when it comes down to it, EVERY marraige needs work at some level. What can it hurt to TRY?
By Jesse's Girl
March 4, 2008 8:38 AM | Link to this
I think its time for a new topic Theresa…quick.
By Tray
March 4, 2008 8:52 AM | Link to this
Funny, but i really didn’t see anything about intimacy in the reverend’s 30 day trail mentioned at the top. It says on the very first line there were 2 major problems, money and sex.
SEX, not intimacy. I’m guessing that the good Reverend knows that if your truly in love, the intimacy will come. remember ladies, his goal is to make sex a habit, that’s all he wants to do. The intimacy will come, but you have to have the sex there first. I believe he is trying to wake up the sexuality in women because it’s really fallen asleep over the past few years. Any man or woman can tell you after kids, the woman’s sex drive disappears. Maybe this 30 days of sex will help motivate both men and women to think about each other more. The fun part about this, is that my wife and i are going to alternate nights. Every night one of us makes up an activity, a role play, something to keep the passion fire burning! We bring in the intimacy in our own ways. I’m truly disappointed in the responses I’m seeing of not enough time. We do have only 1 kid, however, both my brother in law, and father in law are currently living with me. IF WE CAN FIND THE TIME, ANYONE CAN!
By Necie
March 4, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this
Hey, Jeff
I understood what you were saying and I definitely agree with your opinion about both parties helping each other. Heck, I get turned on IF (which is a very rare occassion) my husband is helping with the kids or cleaning up the house. This only happens about twice a year so… LOL. But we still have a pretty healthy sex life. It isn’t intimacy at all. Just sex. And let me tell you, there is a HUGE difference!!!
I love this blog. All of you are great! I love reading all of the different opinions that are out there. Love it!!!
Peace, love and hair grease!
Necie
By Abraham
March 4, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this
Regarding the “intimacy” addressed by Tray, it should be noted that there is a program associated with this. At the website (30daysexchallenge.com), you can download some materials to accompany the physical directive. It is about strengthening marriage.
As far as the hardship of 30 days in a row, I see this as being a habit-breaking/habit-making endeavor. Plus, I have seen statements on other websites that women who have more sex, want more sex. So what seems like a chore now, becomes a desire later.
Addressing this to low desire spouses (because it ain’t just wives), your marriage isn’t going to be all it can be without sex. You are refreshing unity and the one-flesh relationship.
Try it, you might like it!
By KCL
March 4, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this
The response you received from the women you contacted proves that the Pastor is on to something. What a bunch of excuses! No doubt there are a few divorces in your groups future. We are are a at least five times a week couple and anything else and both of use are not in a great mood. We find we are much more considerate and connected when our sex life is active and no we’re not newly married - 20 years. Stop the excuses and find a way to love your spouse and yourself!
By Momof2Boys
March 4, 2008 4:50 PM | Link to this
Tray, I respectively disagree with your statement, “Any man or woman can tell you after kids, the woman’s sex drive disappears.”
I’ve had two children and my drive did not disappear, after the second, I actually believe it increased (which I attribute to the hormones.) While there were, of course, the mandatory healing times after each birth where we did not have intercourse, my husband and I were both very sexually active and found many other ways to stay connected and satisfy each other.
Intimacy does NOT need to suffer because of childbirth or children.
Although, I have one friend in particular that uses every excuse in the book not to have sex with her husband. For a long while, her husband was actually on a “point” system. He felt he had to earn enough points to get any. How sad.
By Rick
March 7, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this
This topic always seems to have too much drama and too much conflict that never seems to get resolved. To heck with it.
I say if a marraige has sex “issues”, then one or both parties should feel guilt-free to find satisfaction elsewhere—-down the street, across town or with routine visits to nearby Costa Rica where prostitution is legal.
By Laura
March 25, 2008 7:27 PM | Link to this
My goodness. No wonder men look elsewhere. WHRE’S THE INTIMACY AND DESIRE LADIES?? I love sex with my husband and will gladly - READILY! - put everything aside for 30 minutes of pleasure! Hey .. throw a load of laundry in the washer and rush to the bedroom! Yum!