Home > Health > MOMania > Archives > 2007 > December > 09 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USDo you believe in the birth-order theories?
Do your children and friends’ children fall into the generalized categories? Do you think birth order determines a child's future?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
If you read Time Magazine’s recent cover story about the implications of birth order, you would think your second- and third-borns should just start drinking now and reserve their spots at the Union Mission.
While I am exaggerating a little bit, the story, which ran Oct. 29, did paint a grim picture for the latter-borns in a family.
Based on scientific studies and anecdotal evidence about celebrity siblings, the gist of the story is that first-borns are generally smarter, healthier, more successful academically and professionally, and even higher paid than their younger siblings.
For example, the story begins by pointing out that poor Elliott Roosevelt, President Theodore Roosevelt’s younger brother, was an alcoholic and addicted to morphine. He battled depression and died young from alcoholism.
The article implies that his problems were a result of having a successful older brother he didn’t measure up against. Wouldn’t the more obvious reason for his troubles be the chemical and biological factors that caused his depression and addictive behavior?
I’m not generally a big naysayer of medical studies, but as a second-born I am incredulous about much of the birth-order research. I think the importance of birth order and the irrevocability of its implications is a bunch of malarkey.
I do not believe that the order in which a child arrives on this planet predestines him to a certain fate or specific character traits. From what I have observed and experienced, I think children react and respond to the personalities of their siblings and parents to find their place in the family. I think they also respond to the amount and quality of attention they receive from their parents. I believe these factors are far greater in shaping our children’s personalities than the order they left the womb.
For example, the article states that based on a Norwegian study the eldest is generally three IQ points ahead of the second born and so on down - probably the result of mentoring the younger sibs.
This doesn’t resonate for me or for many of my friends’ families. I know plenty of second- and third-borns who are genetically smarter than their elder siblings. I also know plenty who just worked harder. Also, how do researcher’s account for the benefit the younger children receive from learning from their elder siblings?
A personal example: My second child is reading before my first did. He knew his alphabet and letter sounds about the same time, if not earlier, than my daughter. He’s learned this by listening to her learn to read.
Our third-born was crawling at 4 and 1/2 months (long before my other two did) and is trying to walk at 8 months (again long before the other two did). She learned this by watching her older sibling and wanting to be with them.
Both younger sibs have a much greater understanding of the world around them because of watching the elders learn and function.
The story also quoted a study from the Philippines that showed that later-born siblings tended to be shorter and weighed less than the earlier borns. While it doesn’t offer an explanation of this particular study’s results, it does point out later, as there are more mouths to feed, food resources can become scarce.
Again, I’m not seeing the eldest child necessarily being the largest in my family or with my friends’ children. (I understand we’re all getting three square meals a day and in some families they are not.) My second child was born heavier than my first. He grew at an unbelievable rate putting on a pound a week for the first eight weeks. Two years younger than his older sister, only a few pounds separate them now. Our third child also was born within ounces of her siblings (bigger than her sister, smaller than her brother) and also outpaced her older sister’s growth as an infant. It appears, at least for me, when you’ve breastfed previous babies you actually have more milk to offer the next ones. No scarcity there.
And, I am only partially buying into the old Jan-Brady-middle-child syndrome. Nine months into having three children, we are seeing our middle child needing a little more attention. But unlike the birth-order theories, I think this can happen to any child, not just the middle one.
We have been giving a lot of attention to the baby of course and to our eldest child and her homework. My son has started acting out, and I believe it’s because he needs more of our time and energy. I think that a parent can remedy this with some special time for whichever child needs it.
I think children react and respond to their siblings to find a place in the family - but I don’t think that place is set in stone. And I think observant parents can help their children find that special space without anyone having to be the “bad” or “unsuccessful” sibling.
MOST POPULAR STORIES
Comments
By AmazonRed
December 10, 2007 9:09 AM | Link to this
I love this topic. I think birth order dynamics are more pronouced when the siblings are all the same gender. Teresa, your kids will have a bit different dynamic as you eldest is a boy, but your middle is a girl. Though she is the middle, she is still the first born girl, so that makes things a bit different. I read a whole book on this topic.
I am the first born of three girls and we are only a total of 5 years apart in age. I’m known as the “smart one.” The middle one is the “creative one” and the youngest is the “athletic one.” I am the most successful as well.
The second one walked before me and rode a bike before me. She was always competing to “upstage” me and even would tell people she was the oldest. She is definitely the black sheep and didnt necessarily find her own identity, she just wanted to do the OPPOSITE of anything that I did.
The youngest is the wildest because she got away with more stuff and was able to go out and do things earlier than I did because the older sibs set the example.
One common theme in my family and with my friends is that the oldest is the SHORTEST! That is true in my case and in the case of all of my cousins. I don’t know why that happened.
By Theresa
December 10, 2007 9:15 AM | Link to this
Hey — interesting the eldest is shortest — did you guys move between teh eldest and last one?? My husband’s cousins are that way —- eldest is short little guy and they got progressively larger down the line (to number 5) — but the first two were born in Italy with probably little prenatal care and not much protein growing up — the last three were born in teh U.S. with better prenatal care I would assume and lots more milk and protein and they are huge!!! — the last two boys born are giants — such an interesting study of how environment affects genetics —
one correction though — my oldest is a girl and my middle is a boy - the baby is a girl — so girl, boy, girl
By FCM
December 10, 2007 9:39 AM | Link to this
I am first born….my sib is taller than me (though he is male) and makes more money too. My parents always thought he was smarter (Tested higer and SAT was better) but I tended to make better choices and finish college.
My house: Eldest is short for their age. Youngest is tall for their age (same gender). Both are intelligent (testing and teachers opinion). However I find the younger one more apt to take chances, more clever, and quicker to understand things. Additionally while they both learn by doing, the younger one can learn from others/indirectly where the older one has a hard time with this idea. Youngest hit the development milestones sooner too. Both require much attention but in different ways….the youngest wants you to rough house and the oldest in more quiet activities.
My parents are both middle children. My mother often lamented her middle child status. She said she only wanted even numbered children because of having been a middle. My father never commented about it.
By FCM
December 10, 2007 9:40 AM | Link to this
I am first born….my sib is taller than me (though he is male) and makes more money too. My parents always thought he was smarter (Tested higer and SAT was better) but I tended to make better choices and finish college.
My house: Eldest is short for their age. Youngest is tall for their age (same gender). Both are intelligent (testing and teachers opinion). However I find the younger one more apt to take chances, more clever, and quicker to understand things. Additionally while they both learn by doing, the younger one can learn from others/indirectly where the older one has a hard time with this idea. Youngest hit the development milestones sooner too. Both require much attention but in different ways….the youngest wants you to rough house and the oldest in more quiet activities.
My parents are both middle children. My mother often lamented her middle child status. She said she only wanted even numbered children because of having been a middle. My father never commented about it.
Incidentally Dad did better in school, business, etc than either of his sibs..although they all did/do well…Mom did better than her sister (eldest) but less so than her brother (youngest).
By nurse&mother
December 10, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this
I’m curious as to how an 8 1/2 year age gap factors into this. Mine are 8 1/2 years apart. Mine squabble about stuff, but mostly when the almost 2 yo tries to get into the 10yo’s stuff. She is very protective of her “things”, even though we are and have always tried to teach her to share. I suspect that at times it will be like raising two only children. Anyone else have a similar situation?
By Theresa
December 10, 2007 9:59 AM | Link to this
I’m just three years from my brother and mine are closer in age than that but my guess would be like you think almost like two only kids — let’s see what other say
By nurse&mother
December 10, 2007 10:02 AM | Link to this
Why do parents and grandparents label their children (ex. smart one, pretty one etc.)? Do you all think that children fall victim to the self fullfilling prophecy? My daughter seems to be fairly intelligent. I would never say things like she is the smart one (not sure yet if the almost 2yo will prove to be as smart-time will tell). I would think that this has a negative impact on the other sibling(s). If you mother says your sister is the smart one, I would take that to mean that I am not bright. Can a family not have 2 or more smart children? I’m not saying that parents should not point out strengths in a child, but one should be careful how it is worded so that it is not misconstrued. My mom never really made many differences in that dept. Although I knew that my older sister was much more intelligent than myself. However I definitely made much better choices during the young adult years.
By fk
December 10, 2007 10:11 AM | Link to this
The eldest sibling (of 10)in my family, a brother, was the first to earn a four year degree. We lovingly refer to him as “Golden Boy”. He was definitely the example to follow, always responsible. I was the second to earn a four year degree. There are 13 years and six siblings between us.
Two of my older sisters earned 2 yr. degrees (their choice) as did the youngest and a brother, one older sister eventually earned her BA, as a single parent. Two siblings either never went to college or did not finish. They are no worse off than the rest of us. The second eldest, also a brother, eventually earned his law degree, after joining the marines following high school and a career in law enforcement. My mom always felt that he was just as bright or smarter than the oldest, just not as focused in his younger years. He’s probably the closest to a blacksheep in our family and the closest opposite to the oldest. As a teenager/young adult, he was the man about town, everyone knew him, he was like the mayor. I recall being recognized as “Mike’s younger sister.” My younger brother, #9, also has a law degree.
So, I don’t really buy into these studies that say birth order determines one’s success in life. I would not consider one sibling more successful than the others, however, there was definitely some sibling rivalry and each of us reached goals at different times. All siblings have families, own their own homes, etc. I do have to say that the youngest is a bit whacky. She’s single and a cross between a 35 year old elderly person and a teenager.
Interestingly enough, the eldest is the shortest of my brothers…four of them are over 6’, and I am the shortest of the sisters. The younger sister is 6’.
My husband is the third of six, the middle boy (and the tallest). He was the first to attend college, followed by two younger sisters. His older sister will earn her AA this month. His two brothers never applied to college. Brother #3 definitely hit the booze and weed early. He always makes for interesting conversation.
By Alecia
December 10, 2007 10:44 AM | Link to this
I am the youngest of 3 w/ 18mos apart. These birth order studies are not even close. Here’s the break down in my family. 1) Oldest-Tried and dropped out of community college 3 times. Has battled alcoholism. He is very laid back and is not very goal oriented. However, he is able to hold a conversation on almost any subject you throw his way, is mechanically inclined, and makes friends easily. Perhaps he has a high IQ, but he does not use it. Occupation-crane operator 2) Middle- Dropped out of highschool. He is goal oriented, but does not have the smarts to carry it out. Occupation-laborer. 3) Youngest-4yr degree double major & minor. Was a successful sales executive and earned 6 figures for 5 years before starting own business. Has always managed money very conservatively,and reinvests all money earned after paying for the basics. Drives older cars that are paid for, and has to be pushed to spend money on anything that will not produce more money. So the concept of the youngest being loose with cash is false. Also, I only have an occassional glass of wine, and it has to be good wine. So the belief that the youngest is also the drinker is a bunch of bull.
By DB
December 10, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this
I don’t know about the birth-order theory, because I haven’t had much experience with it directly. My mother and her brother were 10 years apart in birth. Father died when she was 12, so basically, her younger brother had a very different family than she did, growing up. Is that because of birth order? My brother and I were almost 13 years apart — basically, two “only” children, yet our academic records were worlds apart. My husband was the middle child in his family, but is generally conceeded to be the resident genius (started college at 16, finished 5-year program by the time he was 20.)
My eldest often wishes he had been born second: “You’re so much easier on her than you were on me!” And we thank him for teaching us how to be parents. :-) The youngest often wishes she had been born first: “The teachers all compare me to him!” (“But not in advanced music theory, honey …”). Basically, the grass is always greener …
By Jeff
December 10, 2007 11:13 AM | Link to this
On the one hand, I lean towards the idea that NOTHING has a permanent impact on a person other than the person themselves. ANYTHING can be overcome if the person works hard enough.
That said, birth order dynamics do show up in even my own family, but I have another theory I’ll share after my birth order analysis:
Me. Oldest. First in the immediate family to get a college degree (4 yr). Most ‘leadership’ oriented, I’ve been responsible for up to 300,000+ people in one organization I worked for. I’m more of an academic by nature. I’ve had the most trouble with the law (most of it handled at the school level), and I was the one of the three of us that spent the most time in some form of school-related disciplinary action, up to and including a stint in an alternative school. Had an abortive career in teaching, now doing well in programming.
Middle bro: Shorter than me, but more overall strength. He is the most athletic of the three of us. Also the craziest. He can talk just about anybody into doing what he wants, which is why I’ve been bungee jumping and parasailing. Longest relationship of the three of us so far, though I am the first to go through the whole engagement/wedding process. (He’s been with his current gf for 6 or 7 yrs now.) In the family dynamic, he has been the more ‘enforcer’ type, serving as both a check to me and my own second in command when I am gone. Has yet to complete even a 2 yr degree, but that is due to constant major changes and other issues. Still trying the college thing, though also working on starting a career. Though this could change with the wind (and has been known to), he seems to be enjoying his current career in law enforcement and currently plans on making it his lifelong choice.
Youngest: Quite possibly will be the tallest of the three of us (at 17 he is within an inch of me). Academically my equal with a possible slight edge in his favored areas, he is also the most mentally disabled. (Full blown AS, which helps his academics greatly.) Though a shadow of me in most ways, he tries to be like the middle brother, to the point that he currently does one of the sports the middle brother did, and he tried another for several years. Currently trying to choose which college to go to, with plans on going into Geographic Systems.
My overall theory though is this (and parents should be able to atest to this): With the eldest child, more ‘parenting’ mistakes are made. Not due to any malevolence, but parenting is more of a ‘guess and check’ type thing. What you screw up with one, you try not to do with the next one. Therefore, with each child, the parent becomes a better parent (at least in most regards). This means that an eldest child MUST learn to cope with more severe things than the youngest child, and THAT makes the older children stronger than younger children. Obviously, the stronger the child, the more successful the adult (on average).
For example, most in my family view me as a ‘survivor’. I will work through nearly any situation, and while it may beat me in the short term - such as when I was sent to the alternative school - I WILL prevail in the long term. (Without going to the alternative school, the events would have never been set in motion for me to meet T and be exactly where I am now.)
The middle brother, never having to deal with many of the mistakes made with me, is much more aimless than I was at his age.
The youngest, having recieved the benefit of two older brothers for the parents to learn from, is also the easiest to upset and the one we are most worried about when he goes to college. (Both due to the AS and just general cluelessness.)
By Jesse's Girl
December 10, 2007 12:30 PM | Link to this
Ok…..so what does the study say about being the oldest by a technicality? My mother married my father and had 2 daughters….divorced/remarried and had my brother. HOWEVER…..I was raised with an obnoxious amount of family around me. For instance…my aunt would come get me when she got out of school everyday and take me to my grandmother’s home where I was doted on by 5 older “siblings”. I called my uncles my brothers and still do. So although I am the eldest of 3 and 11 years older than my baby brother….I was raised with 7 siblings. Suffice it to say…..dating was a non-issue for me in high school! By the time I entered my freshman year, 2 brothers were Marines and 2 were in Seminary!:) Good thing they all liked Mr Jesse!
By AmazonRed
December 10, 2007 2:00 PM | Link to this
Whoops sorry Theresa for getting your kids order mixed up. Walsh should be good as a middle because he’s the only boy and that will bring more attention to him anyway.
Yes, my family did move in between births, but all within the US. The doctors predicted early that my youngest sib would be the tallest and they were right.
For those who asked how years apart factor in, once you get into 8-10 years apart in age, those kids fall into the “only child” category. An 18 year old is going to require much different attention then his 10 year old sibling.
By Stacey
December 10, 2007 2:30 PM | Link to this
Psycho-babble! Plain and simple.
By Stephanie
December 10, 2007 3:08 PM | Link to this
What about only-children? Only children have been linked with similaries as the oldest child. Very ambitious, highly educated, very intelligent and responsible. A great book to read is - The Birth order Book: Why you are the way you are. By Dr. Kevin Leman.
By Firstborn
December 10, 2007 3:16 PM | Link to this
I am older by 2 years than my brother. He is definately the favorite child in my family. On birthdays he got everything he wanted. I was lucky to get a card with “Love Mom and Dad” in my mother’s handwriting.
No one says a word to him about his parenting skills, but I am attacked everytime I get with my family. I am a single parent and get no child support, he is married and both he and his wife work. They help him out financially, buy his three kids everything I get nothing, nor does my child.
They get together every weeekend. Then I get occassional phone call “oh your brother is coming over this weekend - we are going to do this and that. What will you be doing….. No matter what I do or say, he can do it or say it better than me…..They listen to him talk and tell his stories. They ask him for financial advice. I open my mouth, and I get cut off in mid sentence. And they wonder why I never come around.
Our whole life growing up I knew he was the favorite, they made it very clear to me by their actions. I had to buy my own car, they GAVE him two. I had to get a job at 16, he didn’t unless he wanted to. I had to buy my own clothes, he didn’t.
I have been successful in my job, and have been on this job for 20 years. He has switched jobs numerous times, and each and every time they just bragged about his new job and how wonderful he is doing.
It just makes me sick, so I don’t even bother with them anymore.
By Atlanta Pearl Girl
December 10, 2007 3:32 PM | Link to this
This is a twist for sure….. I’m adopted…..THUS…. I was the baby growing up….. I act like the baby I suppose….. even at 42….. BUT… Out of an older sibling I was the one to graduate college…..Very much upwardly mobile…. Come to find out…I have 3 younger l/2 siblings…… But even out of those I seem to be more accomplished…..
With my two children….they have much older l/2 siblings (20 year age difference)…. My oldest is the underdog I suppose…while my youngest excels.
Go figure.
By younger more adventurous
December 10, 2007 3:32 PM | Link to this
I don’t have my own children, but as far as birth order with myself and my only sibling (a much-older sister): I’ve read that the first-born is more anxious to please and a higher achiever, more conventional and less likely to try new ways of doing things. They also say the baby (myself) is most likely to fall far from the tree, that is, try new ideas, new adventures, etc. That would definitely describe me. I’ve always been open to new ideas about foods, new types of people, religious faith, even my willingness to move from where I grew up.
By Caren Blue
December 10, 2007 3:33 PM | Link to this
Firstborn- I have heard of stories like these a lot. I am just curious to know have you told your family & brother how this makes you feel??? And why would you have to buy your own car and your brother was given two? And it breaks my heart to hear that your parents do not buy your child a thing but buys all three of your brothers kids something. Well, something is not adding-up. I mean no harm by asking you this…but were you bad when you guys were kids. Because parents will hold a grudge with memories like that.
ave you told your family how this makes you feel?
By hellooooo
December 10, 2007 3:35 PM | Link to this
funny…i’m the oldest of 3 girls, 7 years and 5 years older than my sisters…. we sorta fit the birth order formula, i did college, they didn’t (by choice), middle was sort of “spoiled” BECAUSE my mother heard that middle children are ignored, and she didn’t want to do that, and of course youngest was “the baby” and thus special (and wildest as someone mentioned above, because she ‘learned from our mistakes’ and didn’t get caught doing things, and pushed that envelope)
I have 3 sons, oldest is 15 and 17 years older than his younger siblings (talk about two distinct families! but same dad even) and i cannot even BEGIN to describe the differences…. older is like an only child … youngers had all the sibling rivalry one could want or expect from brothers, both are smart but in TOTALLY different ways. THEY don’t seem to fit any sort of sibling order formula at ALL, so go figure.
someone said it… psychobabble, lol!
By Firstborn
December 10, 2007 3:59 PM | Link to this
Caren Blue Yes, I have mentioned how it makes me feel, but I don’t think they get it. I have told them over and over, “hey - I have a kid too, she’s your granddaughter, the first one I believe”. They did make a fuss over her when she was born, but then came my brother’s kids, and we were put on the back burner.
No I wasn’t bad, I just didn’t compare. Maybe they wanted a boy and got me instead and were disappointed. But they got their boy and they sure do love him.
It’s ok though, I’ve made a nice life for us and swore I would never treat my daughter that way. I just hate for her that her father left, and she doesn’t really have grandparents on either side. Once we got divorced, his parents never tried to contact us and we don’t know where he is. My daughter knows how I feel too and does her best to help out. She is a great kid and I am so lucky to be her mom.
By Magenta
December 10, 2007 4:25 PM | Link to this
Plenty of other things can factor in. A close friend of mine from high school was treated like dirt by her parents. They claimed they conceived on their wedding night and that pregnancy “ruined” the mother’s girlish figure. These idiots simply weren’t ready for parenthood and never would be — they treated their younger daughter, born 6 years later, much better, but she had just as many problems as her older sister. Neither of them had kids, thankfully.
Another friend was considerably older than her younger brother but this time the favoritism was purely sexist in nature. Anything she said was ignored by the parents, while every utterance from the younger brother was treated like a Decree from On High. People often assumed she was the younger sibling and were always astonished at the reality.
Of course, the worst stereotypes of all are directed toward us only children. I’d need several hours to vent about that.
By madisons mom
December 10, 2007 4:32 PM | Link to this
I think one of the reasons I have problems with the “birth order predispositions” is that it seems like it is another way in which people can excuse their failings, “well, as I am the middle/youngest child, that would be the reason that I am not as successful/rich/pretty/popular.” I just get tired of “the experts” justifying mediocrity in today’s world. And before you ask, I am the oldest (at 35) of two kids; my brother is 31 and has his college degree and is just as successful in his own right - because of his hard work and dedication to bettering himself.
By Stephanie
December 10, 2007 5:16 PM | Link to this
I am so with you regarding only-child. We are blamed for every little thing. But whatever, I find all the little negatives that they say about us, in the youngest and the oldest children.
By Hellinahandbasket
December 10, 2007 5:34 PM | Link to this
Just a bunch of malarkey and anyone who buys into this nonsense…well, I have a lakeside lot in the Sahara for you to buy…real cheap.
I am the third of 4 girls, the eldest…a complete mess, unemployed, unsucessful etc. The second a little more successful, has had some college and is doing ok. Myself, #3: successful, stable, self assured etc. as is my younger sister with multiple masters degrees. We are all from the same parents too in case anyone was wanting to through that wrench into the works. Bottom line…there is always someone wanting to give us a gimmick or some feeble excuse for our failings or successes. YOU ARE WHAT YOU MAKE OF YOURSELF..no matter your birth order, color, gender, social or financial status starting out. So quit with the excuses and labeling people so they have an excuse not to work hard.
By GB
December 10, 2007 6:59 PM | Link to this
I’m the youngest of 2, but there were 3 miscarriages, 2 between me and my older sister, and 1 after me. I once heard my mom tell a relative (about my sister), “She’s my first-born and will always be my favorite!”. I finished college (my sister didn’t). She remains married to an incarcerated sex offender. She has a child who doesn’t want anything to do with her. (I have a dog who LOVES me.) But DO NOT get in her way. If she wants something, she will get it. As a child she stole things from me. When I complained to my mom she just glossed over it by saying, “Well, she IS the oldest!” Pecking order definitely makes a difference in our family. GO FIGURE!
By Penguinmom
December 10, 2007 7:36 PM | Link to this
I think birth order does make some difference mainly due to a difference in the amount of parental attention, parental worrying, etc that changes with each child added to the family.
However, there are A LOT of caveats to it. Number of years apart, gender, age of the parents all go into the mix to change how much the birth order makes a difference.
All of those jokes about how you handle a child’s cold, pacifiers, feeding, etc between the first, second and third child are all somewhat true or they wouldn’t be funny.
Our kids are 4 years apart, Boy, Girl, Boy. The age separation and the gender difference mean that birth order is muted somewhat. Our youngest is definitely the cutest and the most spoiled. Our oldest is definitely the biggest worrier. Middle being the only girl hasn’t really followed any of the patterns.
I actually think birth order has been more important in the past than it is today. Today’s parents are a lot more involved (in most cases) and tend to view kids as unique individuals instead of as reflections on the family name.
As parents, I think the main things we need to do are:
1) Don’t compare!! Yes, Child A may be smarter than Child B in some areas. But smartness doesn’t predict success in a lot of cases. Child B may be kinder or more people-oriented and may have an incredibly successful career in sales or other people field.
2) Chill out some with your first child. Really, they are very resilient, they’ll survive if you don’t get everything perfect.
3) Try to spend time with each child alone to learn their individual likes/dislikes. Try to involve them in activities that give their particular talents a chance to shine.
4) Realize that you are not going to give the same amount of yourself to each child. That’s life. Your first child has undivided attention. Your second/third get a more relaxed attitude (hopefully).
5) Don’t Compare! (It’s important!)
By Ed
December 11, 2007 8:23 AM | Link to this
There will be exceptions to nearly every rule. That is true of every generalization. The generalization is observed because MANY times it is true. Is it ALWAYS true, certainly not.
The data is clear: MOST pilots are first born or only children; I believe all of our astronauts are first born or only children; our presidents are nearly if not all first born or only children.
The reason many “experts” give for this is often parents push the first born children more. We recognize some mistakes we made with subsequent children and tend to back off some.
In my humble opinion, we should simply recognize that everyone is unique. We should promote our kids to find out who they are and assist them in excelling in their gifted areas. We allow them to experiment, and yes even fail, in various areas of interest. That is simply just my opinion.
In addition, our choices make who we are. We can blame birth order, fate, God or whatever we want to blame, yet in the end we make the choices that determine who we are. Parents should help children make wise choices.
By A Mother
December 11, 2007 8:25 AM | Link to this
This order thing is for the birds! My youngest son saw the errors of his older brother, and vowed to be the best he could be; and he is.
By Southern Born
December 11, 2007 9:35 AM | Link to this
Ed @ 8:23 seems to have put it best. Also, as another poster noted, I wonder how many parents exacerbate the issue by unknowingly buying into the birth-order stereotypes.
My experience flies in the face of said stereotypes. I am firstborn of two males. I am passive & shy; a college dropout; I have suffered (operative word) with mental and emotional problems ever since childhood. My younger brother is confident, aggressive, graduated Ga. Tech with a 4.0 and is wildly successful.
Nature, nurture, the “X” factor, whatever - if these things could be predicted, they could be planned for. Reality is, there is more we don’t know than we know.
By nurse&mother
December 11, 2007 2:56 PM | Link to this
Well said Southern Born.
By FCM
December 11, 2007 4:53 PM | Link to this
It seems to me that a case study of the Kennedy family would be good for this kind of theory…