MOMania

By fk

October 10, 2007 7:43 AM | Link to this

Sometimes it’s better to simply listen and not say a word. Even during a mini-crisis, sometimes all it takes is support, i.e., keep the judgment calls to yourself, no matter how difficult it may be to “bite your tongue”. It may feel as though you will bite the thing off, but in the long run, you will be glad you kept your comments to yourself, because like everything else, that situation will pass. Sometimes, a person just wants someone to listen and not fix. If you don’t think you can do it, learn. Listening is a skill. Congratulations and best wishes for a lifetime of happiness.

By Jeff

October 10, 2007 8:11 AM | Link to this

Theresa,

I am in fact real - Bridget Guiterrez, Rodney Ho, and Jim Wooten have all communicated with me through phone, email, or both for various projects. And I am getting married this weekend.

That said, thanks for the best wishes and the topic today.

Also, to everyone here, thanks in advance for the advice!

will try to simply lurk the rest of the day

By GR

October 10, 2007 8:22 AM | Link to this

Make sure you give each other the space so you can pursue your own interests.

By GR

October 10, 2007 8:24 AM | Link to this

Big marriage pitfall - Not giving each other the space so you can pursue your own interests.

By GR

October 10, 2007 8:24 AM | Link to this

Big marriage pitfall - Not giving each other the space so you can pursue your own interests.

By Vicki

October 10, 2007 8:31 AM | Link to this

Jeff - Be nice to your future wife’s dog, don’t blast her for having a different opinion than you and for Pete’s sake don’t call her names or don’t question her ability to procreate when you don’t agree with her. Best advice this Stepford Surbanite wife with 24 years of married life experience, listen to her, love her, be her friend, be kind to her and walk beside her and not in front of her.

When the time comes to have children, you will never be more proud of her when she delivers a wonderful addition to your family. After that experience you will NEVER see her in the same light…she will be a goddess to you. Promise!

By red

October 10, 2007 8:33 AM | Link to this

huge mistakes: nit-picking the small stuff. Causing lots of stress by worrying/arguing over the stupid stuff tha doesnt matter anyway. Like my husband leaves his dirty clothes on floor of bathrm and bedrm. Instead of me stressing out about it about causing an argument, I bite my tongue, dont say a word about them, and eventually he picks them up.

By Robin

October 10, 2007 8:33 AM | Link to this

BIG Mistake! - Not sharing with household and child care responsibilities! Remember, she is your WIFE, NOT your MOTHER!

By DB

October 10, 2007 8:36 AM | Link to this

Jeff, a lurker? Say it isn’t so! :-)

Best wishes, Jeff & T!

By CAR

October 10, 2007 8:38 AM | Link to this

Never quit your job without consulting your spouse.

By HP

October 10, 2007 8:39 AM | Link to this

Make sure you talk about your beliefs and values about raising children before having children. Then when the kids come make sure you work as a team.

By HP

October 10, 2007 8:42 AM | Link to this

When arguing…and it will happen…learn the skill of walking away when nothing is being resolved and only hurtful things are coming out, then regroup and come back to rengage and solve the problem together.

By Jeff

October 10, 2007 8:43 AM | Link to this

Red,

I was debating on whether to show her this blog or not, but your post just sealed it for me! Emailing her the link now! :P

back to lurking

By JJ

October 10, 2007 8:47 AM | Link to this

All of the above advise is wise.

I’ll just add - communicate, communicate, communicate. And be honest. But THE Most important thing - communicate!!!!

Don’t be afraid to express your own opinions. You are entitled to your own opinion, and should not be “blasted” for it.

You are the man, be the man!!!! Take care of her, and let her take care of you!!!

I wish you two the very, very best.

Blog hugs!!!!!

By Fulton County Mom

October 10, 2007 8:50 AM | Link to this

OK I think the biggest mistake I made was getting married…that sounds harsh but its true.

However, my marriage would have had a better chance at surviving if: We had put each other first. I was often (and often felt) that I came in last on the list of priorities…He stayed out all night and did not call, he would not attend family events (for my family), he would leave town and call me once he was wherever to tell me he would not be home that weekend I needed to get the kids…..I KNOW you would never do that Jeff.

All of that made it very easy for me to stop caring too.

However, remember to let her know you love her everyday, that you put her first, and pray with her.

Somebody once told me marriage is a triangle. God at top and each spouse on the other corners, as you draw toward God together your triangle gets smaller so the relationship gets stronger.

I have seen my dad do that for 40+ years, and my Mom does the same.

By RJ

October 10, 2007 8:55 AM | Link to this

1) Love your spouse as you love yourself 2) Be kind and understanding 3) Continue to date your wife 4) Pick your battles

There’s been some great advice already given. Congratulations!

By tai-tai

October 10, 2007 8:56 AM | Link to this

Do not give your wife the “silent treatment”. It will get you nowhere - fast.

By misawa

October 10, 2007 8:58 AM | Link to this

Marry your best friend.

By JJ

October 10, 2007 9:12 AM | Link to this

FCM Did we marry the same man? OMG your first paragraph was my ex all over again. And the lies…..oh the lies. He told so many lies, he himself started believing them.

I am MUCH happier without him. I hate that he abandonded his daughter, but he is out of my life, thank you very much!!!

BTW - do you receive any support from him at all?

By RW

October 10, 2007 9:13 AM | Link to this

When you argue, and you will, keep it private. You will forget the argument, because you love each other, but the ones you involve will not.

By Atlanta Pearl Girl

October 10, 2007 9:16 AM | Link to this

I think TRUST is a huge issue. If you don’t have trust…you dont’ have anything.

Forgiveness is very important.

Don’t expect for someone to make you happy…that’s your job and yours alone.

Marriage is something that is shared between best friends & lovers. Best friends is the key.

Good luck!!!!

Atlanta Pearl Girl

By JustMe

October 10, 2007 9:25 AM | Link to this

DON’T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!

By jim d

October 10, 2007 9:27 AM | Link to this

Hey Jeff,

Don’t forget the “duct tape”

seriously man—Best wishes!

By Theresa

October 10, 2007 9:37 AM | Link to this

Hey Jeff - sorry I doubted your realness — I’ve gotten jaded after doing this for two years — You know we all loved Rod who told us he was expecting his first child and yada-yada — and look where that got us — At any rate - I agree with those talking about being nice to your wife’s family and friends — my husband is simply not very polite to either and it does hurt my feelings. He says he’s just not being southern fake nice but for a while my family wouldn’t even call my house because they found him to be so unpleasant when he answered the phone. It’s part of his schtick being grumpy but I just wish he was a little more nice to my friends and family. EVery now and then he’ll surprise me and be sociable and friendly or do something extra nice for my mom (who is always doing nice stuff for us). When I find friends’ husbands that are very friendly I’m always shocked.

By Theresa

October 10, 2007 9:38 AM | Link to this

One other thought — we also have a lot of friends that just spend the whole marriage hating their inlaws — i think it’s a waste of energy - just try to get a long and let any craziness just roll off your back — especially on your wedding day.

By Jennifer

October 10, 2007 9:40 AM | Link to this

Be able to admit when you are wrong. All of us are wrong at some point.

Don’t say, “I told you so”.

Do not wash your wife’s clothing. You may do your clothing, and towels or dog bedding but you must never wash any garment belonging to your wife. If you wash your bedsheets, don’t ever put anything else in the washer with them because that makes pilling.

Don’t think you have to do everything together. It’s good to have alone time.

By Whitney

October 10, 2007 9:41 AM | Link to this

Jeff, my one piece of advise is to keep your family out of any arguement you have with your spouse. Do not discuss it or criticize in front of any family members (yours or hers). The big arguements i.e. money, religion, kids are private and personal anyway and, if shared with mom, dad, sister, will cause unnecessary stress and unwanted opinions!

By Excel

October 10, 2007 9:50 AM | Link to this

If you decide to have children, talk about how to raise them before you have them.

If you ask your spouse to do something, don’t criticize how they did it.

Don’t pass gas under the covers.

By nurse&mother

October 10, 2007 9:50 AM | Link to this

There are several important things in keeping a marriage strong. Treat your spouse like you would want to be treated. Marry your best friend. Be able to admit when you are wrong (very important). Have a sense of humor. I can remember a few little spats that my husband and I had that ended in laughter (what a great way to end an argument). Let your spouse have different interests. I don’t need to be with my husband 24/7. I certainly enjoy the times we are together much more. My husband and I have separate bank accounts. We divvy up bills and we each have our own money. It he wants to buy something for himself he can and vice versa (this works great for us, but this should be something that a couple talks about before they get married. It may not work for another). As far as the children go, my husband and I try to stay on the same page when it comes to values and discipline. We talk about this away from the kids. If he says something to them, I support him and vice versa. (this also keeps kids from pitting one parent against another). One last thing, never argue in front of the children (very small disagreements exempt). These things have kept my marriage strong for 13 years. Best of luck!

By BC

October 10, 2007 9:52 AM | Link to this

Jeff, Just nod your head up and down for everything!

By nurse&mother

October 10, 2007 9:55 AM | Link to this

One other unspoken rule we have is to never talk bad about the other’s parents. I can talk about my mom, but I don’t want to hear my husband talk about her (and vice versa). This will only force one to defend his/her parent.

By Rick

October 10, 2007 9:55 AM | Link to this

My Dad gave me the best advice for keeping a marraige from entering “Choppy Waters” as he put it: 1) When you’re wrong, admit you’re wrong. 2) Always compliment each other, even if you have to make it up. It lets the other person know that you notice them. 3) MEN: You can do anything she can do (cleaning, cooking, kids, etc.). Do it from time to time without her asking. 4) WOMEN: Learn that men don’t think the way you do or always react to things the way you do. Accept it. In your world, he’s being insensitive. In our world, you’re being over dramatic. 4) Pick your fights intelligently. Big enough that they mean something, but small enough, so you can win them. 5) Three places you will never win an arguement, the IRS office, a gambling casino and with your wife. It’s best to recognize when she absolutely will not change her mind, even when you are dead certain she is wrong. Just keep your mouth shut. 6) Don’t keep a running count of who has done what for the other. It usually comes out in the wash.

By Jen

October 10, 2007 9:56 AM | Link to this

There’s a few things that DB said that I think are totally spot on:

*If she cooks, you clean. If you cook, she cleans. —- Our version of this is that I cook and clean the kitchen and HE does ALL the laundry. In other words, find your groove in the helpmate department.

*Don’t fight about money. —- This was a big problem for me and my husband for several years. He grew up poor. I grew up wealthy. He always wanted to control MY spending. The two of you should agree to a system. DB said have your “own” money - good idea.

*You aren’t each other’s parents. Don’t parent your spouse.—- Oh my god, this is soooo important. Don’t try to control your spouse and tell them how to live! You married her knowing her - she ain’t gonna change much - so if you don’t like her lifestyle now don’t think you’re going to fix her…

*Finally: Don’t make your spouse responsible for your happiness. —- This has got to be the most important thing of all. The only person responsible for YOUR happiness is YOU - even when you’re not getting along.

And to add my own bit of experience —- HOLD ON! You will go through a period of time, it could be a few years, where you will disconnect and maybe even dislike each other at times. Just hold on! It will probably pass as long as no one steps outside the marriage. It will be hard but if you hold on and just wait it out you might find that your marriage is even better after it recovers. Sound dreadful but I speak from personal experience.

Best wishes to you and your wife!

By FCM

October 10, 2007 9:57 AM | Link to this

JJ—many of the things you have shared about your ex hit home for me too. I think we got a couple of Peas in a Pod at anyrate.

I did not receive support until just recently. He simply vanished. I now reveive financial support (thanks to our Armed service and my smart attorney). However, he does not make contact with the kids nor does his family…at least not consistantly.

My friends/family keep saying its better for the kids to learn how he is now then later.

Theresa—I agree, my ex aliented many of my friends and family by being ‘ugly’ (southern ugly) to them.

Jeff, not sure if I gave you and T my best wishes for your future…but you certainly have them…We’ll be there in spirit on the Day!

By OldSchool

October 10, 2007 10:01 AM | Link to this

LISTEN to each other…REALLY listen. Too often we are formulating comebacks or answers instead of truly hearing what our spouse is saying. Look at your wife when she’s talking, her body language will speak volumes.

Turn loose of the the little irky things. It’s like someone cutting you off in traffic. Sure you flare up but traffic…and life…moves on and staying all bent out of shape gets you nowhere and certainly makes you no happier.

Step outside early in the morning (October is a great month for this) and just savor the moment. There will be challenges during the day but there are also rewards. Learn to take in the calm, quiet moments and remember them when things get tough.

Love your wife. Be someone she can love. When the wedding is over, the marriage begins. Roll up your sleeves and get ready. It’s work.

By jim d

October 10, 2007 10:01 AM | Link to this

The single most important thing to learn is how to say “YES DEAR” in a non-condesending tone.

By LM

October 10, 2007 10:03 AM | Link to this

I agree with all the of the suggestions, but feel I have to add.

When I got married my husband believed he deserved a great marriage since his parent divorced when he was a teenager. Marriage takes work, your not given a great marriage.

Realize the fantasy of marriage is not real. My husband and I had preconceived ideas about marriage and when our marriage did not fit our immage of the ideal marriage we felt we did not have a good marriage. It may not be like your parents marriage, it may not be like the TV sitcom marriages, or your friends marriages, but it works for you.

Don’t let others tell you there is something wrong because you do things differently. ie..you cook and clean, she remembers to get the oil changed and takes care of the yard work.

By jim d

October 10, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this

2nd most important lesson.

Admit when you’re wrong even if you’re not.

By Jen

October 10, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this

Oh, yes, the inlaws! I forgot that one because it’s not a problem for us. I like my mother-in-law and my husband likes my parents. It helps that they live 4 states away. However, as said before:

— Don’t trash your inlaws to your spouse. These are her PARENTS.

— Keep YOUR parents out of your marriage. Don’t tell them about money problems or marital arguments. Don’t SHARE your thoughts and emotions with them. Share them with your wife.

— Don’t be a Mama’s Boy! Your wife comes before your mother now. This is very important. You can still be very close to your mom (or dad) but you’ve replaced her as the source of emotional support with your wife. You will end up with a VERY disgruntled wife if you back out of this part. Do I sound a bit sour? This was a problem in the earlier years of our marriage. Thank goodness it got resolved!

By Abduhl

October 10, 2007 10:08 AM | Link to this

Don’t do it.

By Becky

October 10, 2007 10:11 AM | Link to this

Never tell her,I make more money than you do, that’s why I can hire someone to mow the grass, clean the pool & so forth. Don’t compare her to other women..Remember the little things in life, a card for no reason, a single rose just because..I’m sure that you & T will have a long & happy marriage. Best wishes..Have a wonderful honeymoon…

By 2 months into marriage

October 10, 2007 10:18 AM | Link to this

If you are a morning person and your spouse is not, or vise versa, be respectful of their routine. Nothing ruins a person’s day like having their morning screwed up. I’m the morning person and I just do everything I can to keep my husband asleep until I walk out the door. If he happens to wake up with me, then I have to be extremely quite for him and that adds stress to mine and my daughter’s morning, but it’s better than turning him into a grump or starting a fight.

By Ben

October 10, 2007 10:24 AM | Link to this

Go over about how she was raised and how she wants to raise the children. A wife (or husband) that wants to be the child’s best friend instead of the parent is asking for problems later on. If you take a hard line stance and she “just doesn’t want to upset the children with demands” run like a deer during hunting season. The primary rule of a household is establishing who the parents are and who the children are. If you give in the whining, crying and tantrums, odds are you won’t like to be around your children very much and neither will anybody else.

By Lynn

October 10, 2007 10:27 AM | Link to this

Give 100% - not 50%. Kiss her on the cheek while she’s sleeping every morning and tell her how beautiful she is. Hold her hand - just because. Be random with the “I Love You’s” and never ever take each other for granted.

By Sandra

October 10, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

Remember, it’s a two way street. Women expest gifts, cards flowers and gifts for certain days and all in between. Don’t think that “it’s all about you”. Men need the same treatment to feel special just like the women do. It’s like the family dog. Men love them and shower them with affection because they make them fel special, are overwhelmed to see them everytime and basically make them feel like gold. I learned that if we concentrate on our husbands (and if he’s worth his salt), the gifts, affection and attention always follow. If bot of you stand around saying “What have you done for me lately?” nothing EVER gets done and you wind up resenting each other even more.

By jim d

October 10, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

Y’all are making me rethink my #1 Rule.

I guess it should be: Ignore all the advice from your friends, listen to your heart and do what is right for the two of you!

By Realitybites

October 10, 2007 10:36 AM | Link to this

Want to turn a French Poodle into a Pit Bull? Marry her. Women think it’s all about them. Just look at the posts! She thinks she’s always right, her ways are the best ways and that her decisions are the smartest. God forbid if you are in an arguement and it turns out the man was right all along. Talk about an Arctic Cold Front….Everyone is at their best behavior when they are dating. Also, what is the one food that robs a woman of her sexual desire? Wedding Cake

By Joy in Teaching

October 10, 2007 10:37 AM | Link to this

Jeff,

Don’t forget to find time to enjoy life and each other. Laughing is good. Laughing lots is even better.

Life is too short to not enjoy it with those you love and care about…and joy can be found in the most minute things.

Good luck this weekend and don’t forget to breathe!

By Jesse's Girl

October 10, 2007 10:38 AM | Link to this

Mr Jesse and I have been together for 16 years, married nearly 12….so I feel qualified to give a bit of advice:) Most important thing for us….that we did not start doing until after 5 years of marriage…..PRAY TOGETHER AND FOR EACH OTHER!!!! You’d be amazed at what a difference this will make in your relationship. When you have a family…pray as a family. It doesn’t have to be all Shakespearean…our prayer times are actually quite amusing.

1 Hold hands, often.

2 Don’t try to fix every problem she has. Just listen..pause…then speak.

3 She will expect you to read her mind from time to time. Help her remember you are not psychic….things will go so much more smoothly:)

4 Be a flower/card giver on random days.

5 Leave cooky messages on her cell phone so she can save them and listen to them when she just needs to hear your voice. Mr Jesse does this. Although he leans toward the song messages. Ya know, “I just called to say I love you” by Stevie Wonder. Or my current fave ” You’ve lost that Lovin Feelin” by Hall and Oats. Hillarious!

6 Have sex when you don’t feel like it…nuff said

7 Have dates that do not consist of dinner and a movie

8 Healthy couples fight….it means you have passion for each other. Just always try to fight fair.

9 While it has been hammered into the male brain that it is NEVER ok to hit a woman….there will come a time when you will p** her off so badly that her open hand, or whatever is closest to it, will hit you in the head/face area. See #6:)

10 When someone upsets her or hurts her feelings…offer to kick their a$$. She knows you won’t really do it, but the gesture carries a lot of weight.

11 Do not offer to help around the house….just look around for what you can do and do it.

12 Do not begin a home project without finishing it in a timely manner…..this will really tick her off resulting in no #6.

13 And lastly….develope a hobby you can do together. And no….it can’t be #6!

By Jesse's Girl

October 10, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this

Oh yeah…..decide about forms of discipline and guardians for the children.

By Charles

October 10, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this

Newly wedded couples are completely blind. As your journey begins, your eyes will methodically open. Be honest, patient, humble, and long-suffering etc. This process may run its course by age forty or forty-five. The process is much shorter for middle age newly-weds who are honest, patient, humble, and long-suffering, etc.

If you are fortunate enough to endure after maintaining those qualities, you will love your spouse for the honesty, patience, humbleness, and the long-suffering etc; presto, genuine love is born.

Amazing graze! How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me! I once was lost but now am found; was blind, but now I see…

By Y

October 10, 2007 10:44 AM | Link to this

Unfortunately, I speak from experience: Don’t lie to her. Don’t call her names. Don’t act like you’re bad behavior is the result of her being a crazy b*tch. Don’t ignore her. Don’t be lazy but then whine that you work hard. Don’t do drugs. Don’t act entitled. Don’t act arrogant. Don’t yell or erupt in anger at her for things that have nothing to do with her. Don’t be surprised when she can’t stand the sight of you after you’ve done all these things to her for 20 years. Recognize that you’re lucky that she hasn’t left you yet. Realize that it could happen any day.

By FCM

October 10, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this

jim d—my father by choice(not the man I call Dad and not married to my Mom) taught all of the ‘boys’ that saying ‘Yes Dear’ in a non condesending way is how you keep your marriage happy. It took awhile but we came to learn that meant putting the other before yourself….but acknowlding his/her needs, and verifying his/her value…it is indeed good advice.

By Jesse's Girl

October 10, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this

Theresa….who is this ROD fella? And Y…have you told her all of this this?

By jim d

October 10, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this

Damn,

I’ve been happily married for nearly 32 years and haven’t done half this stuff. And had I been told these were the key’s to a happy marriage—I’d still be single.

I think the key for me was that I got the first one out of the way and knew exactly what I was looking for the second time around.

By abc

October 10, 2007 10:56 AM | Link to this

Convincing her to marry you is a great achievement, to be eclipsed only by convincing her to keep you. The first five years are a joyride (hopefully). After that, convince her every day to keep you, and hope that she does the same for you. Doing so takes effort, but it’s worth it.

By jim d

October 10, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

Amongst all this drivel the truth does exist Jeff.

Plain and simple, just do what you must “to keep the peace” and you’ll live a long and sometimes happy life!

By Lynn

October 10, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

LOL Jim D - I did too :)

By JustMe

October 10, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

DON’T DO IT

By Vicki

October 10, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

Jesse’s Girl - Rodney Ho is another blog master for the AJC.

By Jesse's Girl

October 10, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this

What did the schmuck do?

By jim d

October 10, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this

C’mon Just me, I know you too well from other blogs to believe thats all you have to say. What do you really think? :)

By Vicki

October 10, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this

See Jeff’s 8:11 am post. He’s never done anything for me…LOL

By nurse&mother

October 10, 2007 11:50 AM | Link to this

I don’t expect gifts, cards, and flowers from my husband. He is not always a romantic kind of guy. He shows his love for me by being there when he gets off work, working hard so that I can work part-time and taking me out to eat about once a week. He is the handyman around the house. That’s all I need. He doesn’t need to give me jewelry or flowers to show me he loves me. That is just throwing money away. That said, a person should find out what special things his/her spouse likes. These will be different for different couples.

By SM

October 10, 2007 12:11 PM | Link to this

Congratulations!! My advice is.. Always always be honest and communicate Treasure each other for you know not when the other will be gone Keep your marital problems in the marriage. If you must seek advice choose someone that you trust to send you in the right direction. Be kind to family and friends even when you do not like someone Surprise each other from time to time You do not have to spend money to be happy and have fun Sometimes personal space/time is needed Do what works for you two and not everyone else!!
Trust is everything!! I am a firm believer in never going to bed angry
Always remember to smile laugh and have fun Best wishes!!

By Jesse's Girl

October 10, 2007 1:19 PM | Link to this

Oh and Jeff…..remind T to be quiet and savor everything on the actual day. A bride has a nasty habit of getting so caught up in the event that she forgets to take it all in and commit to memory all of the wonderful things going on around her. Right after the ceremony and before the photographer gets his/her hands on you two…..go sit together as man and wife. Believe me….everyone else will wait.

By JJ

October 10, 2007 2:10 PM | Link to this

Jeff Print this entire column out, put it in your wallet (if it will fit) and look at it often. Just about everone here has given good advice.

By Jeff

October 10, 2007 2:17 PM | Link to this

JJ:

I was already thinking about printing it out and having someone give it to T Saturday morning! :P

By Tina

October 10, 2007 4:32 PM | Link to this

I second Jesse’s Girl’s comments about savoring the actual day; it flies by. People want you all day, and if you take a few moments to be together by yourselves, it will be worth it. I also took my own camera to my wedding reception and took photos, which changed my perspective about the event.

I don’t have any good pithy comments about mistakes made with the spouse. Don’t be a control freak. It will cost you dearly, and I mean that on every level.

By Stacey

October 10, 2007 7:59 PM | Link to this

Jeff…Ditto to most of what has already been said. I’ve been married for 15 sometimes long years and I wouldn’t trade the worst days because they led us to and taught us how to reach the happiness that we have now. A few of things that I would like to reiterate are: 1. Don’t keep score…that’s the one I’m guiltiest of. 2. Understand that she doesn’t always need for you to be her hero. Sometimes she just needs an ear and/or shoulder. 3. Tears are not a sexual come-on…sometimes that’s the LAST thing she needs to “make her feel good” :-). 4. Remember dates…As trivial as it sounds, it will carry a lot of weight if you give her a “Happy Anniversary of the Day You Said Yes” gift.

One of my all time favorite songs is “Don’t Change” by Musiq (R&B) and I the video is especially beautiful. The video starts with the family gathered around celebrating the couple’s 50th anniversary and the ask the man (Musiq) for advice for a long, happy marriage. That’s when the song starts and the video appears to be flashbacks from milestones of their relationship. The chorus of the song says “I’ll love you when your hair turns gray and I’ll still want you if you gain a little weight. The way I feel for you will always be the same…just as long as your love don’t change.” After the song goes off, they flashback to the old man finally answering the question. He said, “When you find the one you love, just love them.” As silly and corny as that advise might sound now, one day it will make perfect sense.

As my sister-in-law said in my wedding toast, enjoy your honeymoon for the first 25 years. After that, feel free to settle in to “married life”.

By Lee

October 12, 2007 8:53 AM | Link to this

As someone who is fast approaching their 25th anniversary, I think I am well qualified to give a few pointers.

• Remember this, He11 hath no fury like a woman who splashed down at 3am because you left the toilet seat up. You just got to trust me on that one.

• With regards to the above, better men than you have fought and lost that toilet seat war. Much easier to just put it down when you’re through. (BTW, don’t be a smart aleck like me and start peeing on the seat. Women don’t like that either.)

• If your wife cooks something, eat it. If she asks how you like it, lie. I once compared my new bride’s homemade biscuits to Vanilla Wafers — haven’t seen another homemade biscuit in 25 years.

• A few years into the marriage, you will probably be cleaning out the closet and will find clothes she bought years ago that still have the price tag attached. Bite your tongue.

and finally…

• Never slap your wife while she’s chewing tobacco.

There, that ought to do it. Follow those five simple rules and you will be well on your way to becomming a p-whipped, hen-pecked shell of your former self.

By Jane

October 17, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this

Having been married for 30 years now—I can unequivically state that we have not always agreed but we love each other. We have different ways of viewing the world around us, how to raise our children (done and they turned out into fine adults that we are both proud of), we have vastly different views on money, we have different friends (but we are courteous to each others friends), we attend family events, and we do our own thing (often)—we spend time together and we never forget that we CHOSE each other. Keep Love and Laughter alive and you will be just fine.
Oh, yeah Keeping the toliet seat down is a definate plus! LOL Congratulation and Best Wishes to you both

By ga_tech_92

October 19, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

Don’t Do It!