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Sunday, October 7, 2007
Are greedy kids born or raised?
How do you handle your kids’ requests in stores? How do you teach your children to appreciate what you have and what you give them?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When my daughter was a toddler, friends frequently told me what a nightmare it was to take their kids into stores —- begging, grabbing and throwing treats into the cart.
I didn’t know what they were talking about. My first child never asked for anything. Walking though Publix, Target, even a toy store, the child would never beg.
I thought, “Boy, we’ve really instilled good values in this child. She’s not materialistic at all. What good parents we are.”
And then came No. 2.
Same womb, same father, same “good” values instilled, but the child was totally different about material things. From an early age, he was wanting, always begging for the newest toy and the next treat.
With that said, I must take a moment to defend my 4-year-old son. He is the sweetest, most loving, kind-hearted, easy going little fellow you will ever meet. Literally his only fault is that he wants stuff - a lot of stuff. He never throws temper tantrums. He just badgers us with requests. (Oddly though, he is a good sharer. He’s not going to hurt his friends for what he wants, just harass us.)
He’s always got ideas about what candy, toy or prize from McDonald’s he wants next and doesn’t hesitate to share it with you. He recently told my mother, “Mimi, do you want to make me happy? Go to Target and get me a new Robin.” (My mother told him maybe for Christmas.)
We recently attended a pool party with a pirate theme for my son’s buddy. For the first game, the kids had a free-for-all grabbing gold “galleons” off of the bottom of the kiddy pool. My son ended up with about the same amount of plastic coins as the other kids. A little bit later, the other kids joined in on a treasure hunt around the pool area.
But, not my son. He used it as an opportunity to seize other children’s booty that had been left unprotected. He scurried around the table scooping up coins that were on the ground or in chairs shoving them into the bottom of the baby’s stroller. (The coins did seem to be discarded otherwise we wouldn’t have let him take them.)
I have two theories about how greedy kids come to be. One is simply genetics. I don’t think that we’ve done anything differently that would make one child more materialistic than the other. I think we’ve modeled the same good financial behavior to both children. So, my best guess for my son is purely DNA.
I do, however, think that environment can lead to children being unappreciative and materialistic. I think when parents provide too much, kids came become unrelenting in their wants.
I was discussing this subject with a man at church. He was saying he works hard and should be able to buy his kids whatever he wants and doesn’t want them or himself to feel guilty about all that they have.
I told him I think there is a line that gets crossed where success leads to excess. For example, I saw it all the time growing up right here in Gwinnett County. The kids whose parents had a lot didn’t work for their spending money, didn’t work to buy a car and didn’t work to have the nice clothes that they wanted. They were given everything and they didn’t appreciate what they had.
I do think it is totally normal for children to beg and and want, and it’s our responsibility to tell them “NO.” We do buy our little guy treats, but more than three-fourths of his requests are turned down.
I am hoping that he will eventually give up or find a way to finance his own materialism. Lately he has taken to collecting coins left around the house. He’s got a little baggie that he shoves his quarters, dimes and nickels in. While he is coveting the coins, I think it is kind of an improvement because at least he’s collecting to buy things for himself. I think he will become more discriminating with his requests when he has to pay for toys with his “own” money. At least I hope he will.
