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Sunday, September 16, 2007
Having kids means losing your cool
How's your cool factor? Given up on keeping up? Do you think you get cooler again as your kids get older?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It’s taken me a few years, but I’m ready to own it — I’m ready to admit that I am now uncool.
I don’t think its just getting older that makes you less hip. I think it’s those tiny little people we live with.
My theory is that as mothers we spend so much energy raising our children that we only have a few minutes to concentrate on ourselves. We do the bare minimum to make ourselves presentable and have zero time to pursue the frivolity of fashion or pop culture.
I recently read a column from a 30-something man who was exhausted from keeping up with all the trends. He was finally ready to say he wanted to listen to the music he liked in college and wear the jeans that looked best on his butt even if nobody else had them on.
As I was reading the article I couldn’t decide: Is this maturity or just giving up? Are we being lazy or is losing our cool the natural progression of parenthood?
One of my husband’s co-workers, who is about six years younger than me, threw a party in 2002. She wanted all the guests to dress like the ’90s. I was baffled. I called my girlfriend, “What does she mean dress like the ’90s? I’m still wearing the clothes I wore in the ’90s — every single day.”
That’s when it hit me — that’s how my mother ended up with dresses in her closet from the ’60s and ’70s when I was a kid in the ’80s. I loved going through her closet - she had a few crazy polyester dresses with bright colors. And a couple of sweaters that looked like they were straight off Annette Funicello.
If it fits, not stained, nor ripped then its still fair game - you can wear it. This is how moms end up 20 years behind the times before they even realize it.
My out-of-touchness extends beyond fashion and into the realm of pop culture. I stay pretty current on TV because it is something I can do while nursing a baby. Music and stars on the other hand I have fallen woefully behind.
As I watched parts of the MTV Video Music Awards last week, the cameras would flash to people and I had no idea who they were. Random rapper, random guy with messy hair and eyeliner - I had no clue. I’m sure they were somebodies, but not to me.
I didn’t do much better with the songs. I would click back and forth between the awards show and the “Iron Chef” muttering things like, “Boy that was loud.” “No idea what he’s saying.” “What in the world was that all about?”
The highlight of the show for me was when Alicia Keyes broke into a rendition of George Michael’s “Freedom.” That I knew. It was the only part of the show I could sing along to.
Is this the fate of all parents? Can it be avoided? Do we have the energy to stop the inevitable backslide of coolness?
I think moms who work in offices stay more current than stay-at-home moms. They are around other people who dress well, and they have to look equally pulled together. Moms who go into offices also get to talk with some adults that don’t have kids. These people might know a few cool things.
I believe there is hope. I think as the kids get older, moms regain a little of their cool. Take for example my mother. My mother looks better now than she did when I was growing up. Why is that you say? Because she’s not taking care of two kids anymore.
She’s working out several times a week. She’s updated her hair and clothes. And she bought some very chic sunglasses. She looks awesome. And it all corresponds with her children growing up.
One of my girlfriend commented the other day that the middle school moms looked pretty together. They were thinner. Their clothes were updated. They had on make-up. She actually added that they didn’t smell. High standards!
I’ve got five more years until I’m a middle-school mom, but for now I am officially fuddy and duddy.
