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August 2007
Does your to-do list ever end?
Do you have more down time as kids get older?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Do you constantly have items on your to-do list? Does it ever level out where you’re at least keeping up?
I can’t decide if it’s because I’ve got a new baby, we just moved, and I’m trying to work 20 hours a week and taking care of two other kids, but I feel like my to-do list never ends.
I wake up with stuff hanging over my head and go to bed feeling the same way. I feel guilty if I sit to read a book for a few moments or take a bath.
Does this get better as your kids get older and get more independent? Do you have time just to sit and read a book without feeling like your time could be better spent?
Permalink | Comments (48) | Categories: General Frustrations of Motherhood
Do you say grace?
Is your family in a habit of praying before meals?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Does your family say a blessing before they eat? What about out in public? What about at school during lunch?
We say our prayers before bed every single night, but I have to admit I am bad about not saying grace at meal time. I think it’s because Michael is not usually at home for dinner and I’m bringing food over to the table in pieces and usually sit down after the kids are half-way through. It’s not an excuse, but I think those factors explain why.
Does your family say grace before meals? Why or why not?
Permalink | Comments (53) | Categories: Family Life
Did you talk to your kids about Vick?
Can it be a teachable moment for your family?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I was very interested yesterday that part of Michael Vick’s apology was directed at children. I’m glad he realizes that many impressionable children look up to him and could be affected by his choices. (Here is the text of his apology. The comments to the children are toward the end.)
Did you talk with your children about Michael Vick? What have you told them about the charges against him, his plea and his apology?
If they haven’t heard that he’s in trouble, will you bring it up with them? Will you take away any fan stuff (jerseys, pictures, calendars) they have of him?
I think dogfighting might be easier to explain to kids than if it were some type of sexual charge. On a positive note, it could give parents a chance to talk the importance of being kind to animals and not being influenced by your friends. Could this be a teaching moment for you and your children?
Permalink | Comments (152) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
Tales of the toilet: Dirty diapers pale next to these
How do you handle your your child’s poop crisis?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
There are many common experiences that bind parents together - the joy of holding your child for the first time, the thrill of seeing them crawl or walk, and the nastiness of getting pooped on.
When you become a mom, you know you’re going to have to change diapers, but what you don’t realize is how much time you will spend thinking about and dealing with poop.
Parents of small children talk about their kids’ bowel movements all the time - at the playground, the pool, even at work. I used to have a boss that would give me daily reports about his daughter’s potty training - and believe me, I hadn’t asked.
My husband doesn’t want me to write about this topic. He thinks it’s gross. And, while it is nasty, I think dealing with poop is such an everyday mom experience that it is appropriate to discuss, even for a newspaper.
Every mother gets “christened” by their child at some point. I think it’s one of those evening out experiences - no matter how rich you are, no matter how many nannies you employ, at some point you will be mopping poop off yourself or your furniture.
Two weeks ago, while my husband was meeting fabulous people at an ESPN cocktail party in Las Vegas, I was cleaning up poop.
My 4-year-old son had three random bouts of diarrhea - two in the family room and one in the backyard. He had apparently eaten too many real fruit popsicles. On the messiest of the three occasions, he called me into the family room. I watched him climb off the couch with his underwear clearly hanging low in back. He waddled toward me with something dripping behind him.
I had to think fast — my son didn’t know where to go and my daughter and the dog were both heading toward the poop-filled hallway. I was like super spy Jason Bourne - the training was innate. It just took over.
First, I picked up my son and sat him on the toilet with his underwear still on. I needed him immobilized. Then I yelled at my daughter to step over the poop and go into the basement. I hooked up the dog so he wouldn’t try to lick up the mess and then started disinfecting the hardwood floor - three times.
Without going into details, I decided the best thing to do was cut off my sons underwear along the sides and let them drop into the toilet. He cried that I cut his Power Rangers underwear.
Six years ago I wouldn’t have known how do deal with that large of a poop crisis. Like a long-distance runner, you have to build up your endurance —from learning to handle a baby’s rocket-propelled runny bowel movements to many months later when you graduate to coaxing your children into pooping on the toilet and not in their pants.
Most parents accept cleaning up their own child’s poop but it is especially nasty when you’re “blessed” by someone else’s child. Our new baby’s godmother stopped by the other day. The baby’s diaper gapped and leaked all over her pants. I felt terrible. She quickly left and later at the baptism sort of held the baby out at some distance from her.
While I have adapted to cleaning up human poop, doggy poop just grosses me out. After I had mopped up my son’s poop for the second time, the dog decided to get into the act. I found three piles near the fireplace. I couldn’t catch a break that week.
I have a favorite saying that Homer Simpson once used when he was angry at his dog Santa’s Little Helper. Homer called a family meeting and the kids wanted to know why. He answered because “We’ve never had a member of the family we could give away before.” Our little dog needs to remember that.
When did you first get pooped on? Tell us how you’ve handled your child’s poop crisis.
What’s your air set on?
How low are you running your air in this terrible heat?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My girlfriend was complaining about the heat last week. I asked her what she has her air set on and she said “68.” I asked her if she was pregnant. I couldn’t imagine her being hot with her air set on 68.
We have a digital thermostat in our new house and I love knowing exactly the temperature the air is set on. (We used to have major fights interpreting what number the sliding thermostat was set on.)
My husband usually bumps it to 78 at night. During the day I keep it around 76. Sometimes I’ll hit it to 75 if I’m running around or if the baby is on me.
What temperature is you air set on?
Permalink | Comments (87) | Categories: Family Life
Too long of a bus ride?
How long is too long for children to be on the school bus?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Despite living less than two miles from our school, my daughter is on the school bus for about 40 minutes in the afternoon.
Her grandfather is very concerned that in 100-degree heat that’s too long for children to be on a school bus - they’ll overheat and get dehydrated. He keeps asking me to send her a water bottle just for the bus ride. I’m pretty sure she would get yelled at for drinking on the bus.
I don’t think she would get home any sooner if I made her a car rider in the afternoon. It is my understanding that they don’t release the car riders until all the bus riders have left the school. I guess she would be waiting inside the school instead of on the bus though.
I keep asking her if she’s too hot or upset by the long bus ride and she says no.
What is too long for children to be on the bus - especially in 100-degree heat?
Permalink | Comments (161) | Categories: Family Life
When are you a ‘working’ mom?
How much ‘work’ qualifies you as a working mom?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Several of my girlfriends quit their jobs in offices to stay home when their children were born. As their kids have gotten older, they have either created home-based business or picked up a few hours teaching outside of the home.
One of my girlfriends has a successful home-based business that may be growing. She called several nanny services to inquire about getting help for two days a week. The woman on the phone said, “And if you decide to go back to being a full-time mom then it’s no problem to cancel.” My friend was devastated. Isn’t she still a full-time mom even if she’s working a few hours a week? If she hires someone to play with them instead of letting them watch TV while she works, does that make her not a full-time mom?
I’m not sure what I am then. I consider myself a stay-at-home mom who works some from home.
What makes a mom a “working” mom or what makes you not a “full-time”mom? Does that distinction matter to you? If so, why?
(Let me add that I’m aggravated by the term “working mom” because if you have children, even one, you are working. And you can’t always say “working out of the home” because I actually work in the home. Maybe we should say “employed” mom.)
Permalink | Comments (43) | Categories: Family Life
Will older child make room for baby?
What's the best age separation for acceptance? How do you convince a resistant child that a new sibling is a good thing?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A few months ago I struck up a conversation with a man and his adorable daughter outside of church. I had left the service to nurse my baby. He had left because his 2-year-old daughter was getting a bit wild.
Despite running and flopping around the hallway, she was angelic looking - precious little sundress, giant bow atop her bobbed chin-length hair. She was smart as a whip, very verbal and clearly running the show with her father.
He told me they had recently brought home their second child - a baby boy. I asked him what his daughter thought of her new brother.
He sort of paused and then said, “Well she’s been throwing things at him.”
He said when he asked her why; she answered him matter-of-factly, “Because it makes me feel good!”
He was appalled and worried. Would his two children ever get along? Would his son ever be safe alone in a room with his older sister?
You just never know how kids are going to react when you bring a new baby into the family. Even if they are super excited when they find out you’re pregnant, the reality, or at least the fear, of losing their spot in the food chain may change their tune from pleasure to jealousy.
I think the age difference of the sibs plays a big role in whether the new child is accepted or resented. If the youngest still wants to be babied then it’s harder for them to accept mommy giving attention to a new one.
One of my girlfriends had a similar experience to the man at church. Her last baby (a surprise) was born about 18 months after her twins. This mom had to put the baby’s bouncy seat behind gates to keep the boys from poking at him. But the twins got smart and like feudal warriors attacking a castle, they started lobbing objects over the gates at him.
My friend said she stopped fearing for the baby’s life (for the most part) when he was about 4 months old. The twins still tried to pick him up, push in his soft spot and “feed him” different snacks until he was about 6 or 7 months old. But then they finally left him alone and decided to be friends.
My first two were born so close together (25 months apart) that they don’t remember life without one another. Rose adored her baby brother from the moment she met him. I don’t think she was old enough to comprehend - ‘hey, this means less focus on me’. However, she was old enough to want some independence - which gave me time to care for him.
They have always been close and great playmates. Don’t get me wrong. They wrestle and fight, but for the most part they enjoy each other’s company and are affectionate. On a recent trip to Miami, in the back of the mini-van my little fellow asked his sister, “Rose are we going to be best friends forever?”
She held his little hand and said, “Yes, Walshie we will be.”
My husband and I just melted. We’ll have to remind them of their loving interaction the next time they are literally pulling each others’ hair out.
Because the kids are so much older than their new baby sister (6 and 4 years), they both like to mother her. They kiss her, hug her and often want to hold her. They mimic what they hear us say, “Oh baby you’re so beautiful. We love you so much.” Or “Are you the best baby in the world? You are the best baby.”
They hand her dolls and rattles. Rose loves to read her the Sandra Boynton books like “Barnyard Dance” and tries to show her the illustrations the way her teacher does at school. However, the baby is usually trying to eat the book.
I worry that in the future the large age separation will make the baby an outsider. I’m concerned they won’t have time for her when they are doing big kids things.
But for now, the only member of the family giving the baby any heat is the dog. He gets jealous when I hold her and barks at me when I’m rolling around on the floor with her. I guess he’s not ready to give up being the baby yet.
Should parents ban China-made toys?
Could you live without toys made in China? Should we do it so China will clean up its act?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It is scary each time reports come out about recalling toys made in China. I don’t know about you guys, but we have a bunch of the characters on the list. Here’s the most recent story.
And it’s confusing too. I don’t know when I bought that Polly Pocket set. Does the Diego play stuff need to be returned? Where did I buy it at - Toys R Us or Target? (Here’s Mattel’s site with pictures to help you determine if you own the toys.)
When the first Mattel recall of the summer came out I heard a report on the radio from a mom who decided her family wouldn’t buy any toys made in China for an entire year. She said it was extremely difficult. Her son would see ads for new toys on TV. They would go to the store to maybe purchase and as soon as she saw “Made in China” she told him he couldn’t have it.
Could you do it? Could you go a whole year without buying toys made in China? Do you think it would have an impact? How can China be made to increase its safety standards when producing toys for children around the world? Who should be responsible - the governments, the toy companies paying the Chinese manufacturer, the parents who are buying the toys?
Permalink | Comments (45) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
Is your teen driving to school?
Is it a convenience for you? Is it a privilege for them? Does it scare you?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Is your teenager driving to school this year? How old did they have to be before they started driving to school?
Why do you let them drive to school? Is it a reward for good grades? Is it a right of just being 16? Is it to make your life easier - not having to pick them up after practices?
Is it stressful seeing them drive off to school? Do you have any rules about how many friends can drive with them? How do you make sure the rules are being followed? Would you consider using one of the GPS tracking services to monitor your teen’s driving?
Did your teen have to pay to get a parking spot at school? How much does a parking spot go for these days?
Permalink | Comments (37) | Categories: Family Life
Turn off e-mail when expressing love
Will children today know the joy of reading old handwritten love letters? Do you save notes and cards for your children?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
While we were packing up our house to move, my husband ran across a box of old love letters. Some were from me to Michael. Some were from Michael’s father when he was stationed overseas and some were from Michael’s mother before her death. There were also a few from Michael’s high-school girlfriends.
As we sat there reading, I started to wonder whether our children’s generation would ever have the pleasure of receiving, and later finding, hand-written love letters.
E-mail is so ubiquitous these days that I’m not even sure the generation directly behind mine (Generation Y) will have these precious mementos.
I’m not against e-mail in general. I think it’s great for business, bills and organizing book club meetings. However, if my husband is going to tell me he loves me I want it handwritten and with character.
I asked my brother-in-law’s 26-year-old girlfriend if she had any love letters. She said they were all on e-mail. She said about the only paper mail she sends anymore is postcards from where she’s traveled.
I think it’s sad that if my brother-in-law does marry this girl they won’t have any tangible evidence of their early affection - at least none that they won’t have to print out first.
Although better organized, it’s not quite as romantic to open up your laptop and search your Gmail database for a letter. Part of the pleasure is running across love letters and letting your mind slip back to another time.
My husband discovered several letters that I wrote him from Italy. I studied abroad the first summer after we met and was just miserable without him. The letters were all sent on blue folding Aerogrammes with Vatican stamps and postmarks. There is tiny writing running in all directions where I tried to squeeze in the most possible words.
We also found a hand-made Valentine’s card from me to Michael from a couple of years ago. It was based on a Valentine’s Day card that Lisa Simpson made for Ralph Wiggum on “The Simpsons.” It had a construction paper train on the front and inside said “I choo-choo-choose you!” I don’t think that would play the same on a computer.
We found piles of cards and letters from his mother, who died while he was in college. She wrote him how much she loved him and asked him to take care of his brother. The letters reflected all their moves with postmarks from around the country and the world. But I really think what broke him up the most was seeing his mother’s handwriting again.
I am determined to have a trail of love letters and cards for my children. Even if they never get them from their future wife or husband, at least they’ll have these hand-written notes of affection from us.
When I went to the hospital to have each baby I wrote letters to my children telling them how much they meant to me, and what I hoped for each of them. I think in years to come they’ll treasure having these written testaments of love.
I am committing to doing a better job writing them cards and actually keeping up with them. My mother has a pile of cards from her deceased mother. She always dates her envelopes, just like her grandmother did, so you’ll always know what birthday or anniversary they were from. I know reading her mother’s cards and letters make her sad, but I think they also are a comfort to her.
I want the same for my children. I want — long after I’m gone — for them to be able to turn time and time again to my handwritten letters reassuring them how much I love them and how special they are.
Hope the teacher likes me
Is it important for teachers to like the parents of their students?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We’re heading off to school registration this morning and I’m worried the teacher won’t like me.
My child is smart and charming. I know the teacher will like her.
I tend to be a bit overbearing (just trying to protect my child). I’m worried she won’t like me and that will in turn affect my child negatively.
Do you think it’s important for the teacher to like the parents of their students? Do you think their impression of you affects their impression of your child and in turn how they treat your child? Have you tried to play up or down personality traits of your own to appeal to your child’s teacher?
Permalink | Comments (65) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
What should you or the school supply?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A friend of mine, who is a teacher for Gwinnett County, was surprised by our school’s list of requested supplies for the first grade. She thought the school was asking the parents to send in way too much. She said her principal’s policy is parents shouldn’t have to spend more than $20 to send their child to school. Her principal feels strongly about not placing too big of a burden on parents, especially those who have multiple children in school. She said individual schools can allocate money for supplies how they see fit so that’s how lists could be different within the county.
I was surprised by her reaction. The list was similar in length to the kindergarten list and I didn’t think much about it. But I also don’t have several kids that I’m buying supplies for (yet). The list does say that the things are “optional,” but I think the majority of parents would send the whole list in. Here’s the list we were asked to supply:
1 plastic school box
1 package of pencil tip erasers
24 #2 pencils
1 park of Fiskar brand scissors
12 white glue sticks
1 box 24 crayons
1 package of washable markers
1 box 200 ct. tissues
1 roll paper towels
1 container of antibacterial wipes (no Clorox brand)
1 box Ziploc bags quart size
2 Mead composition books
1 four pack fat dry erase markers
1 4 oz. bottle of white glue
1 bottle of hand sanitizer
1 package of plain white copy paper
2 highlighters
1 one-inch three ring binder with pockets
What do you think? Is it too much to ask of parents, especially if they have more than one child in school? What did your school ask for? Do you always supply everything on the list? What is a reasonable amount to spend to send your child to public school?
Permalink | Comments (139) | Categories: Family Life
Diary of a road trip
Share your travels with children stories
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
With four weeks of business travel scheduled back to back, we decided to join my husband on one of his trips. He misses the children terribly and is worried the 4-month-old baby will have no idea who he is. She responds more warmly to the dog groomer than her own father at this point.
We chose to go with him to Miami - a 13-plus hour drive. With a 6-year-old, 4-year-old and a baby that’s never left the metro area, we decided it would be best to break the trip up over two days. We stopped at my father-in-law’s house in Melbourne, Fla., so he could meet his new granddaughter. He’s afraid of our destructive power, and kindly suggested that we would be more comfortable at a hotel.
Here are highlights from our 2-day drive to Miami: (Times are approximate)
TUESDAY
6 a.m. —Decide at the last minute to switch Walsh’s car seat to back row with Rose’s so I can sit next to baby if she needs me.
6:05 —Not realizing there isn’t enough clearance, I slam mini-van’s back door into the garage door as it opens electronically - scratching the &9 out of new car.
6:40 - Perched at edge of driveway aggravated that my husband is wasting time programming the navigation system. I think he knows how to get to Hwy 78.
6:45 —Warn husband about speed limit for the first of 1,000 times.
6:45:01—He replies, “If you want to warn me about something, let me know if I’m ever going less than 10 miles over the speed limit.”
6:47 —Capt. Herb says there’s a red alert on I-285 - husband looks as frightened as the last time I told him I was pregnant. An accident involving a pedestrian on 285 happened around 5 a.m. and is still not cleared.
6:58 - Have made four trips over two rows of seats to hand the kids stuff. I give up and just move to the second-row seat.
7:20 - Somewhere in Henry County, mini-van warns us of low tire pressure. Unexpected stop to fill up tires.
7:25 - Despite two bags full of toys, we put on DVD less than an hour into the trip.
8:20 - Baby is crying. I tell Michael we have to pull off to change and nurse the baby.
8:22 — Stop in Bolingbroke at a gas station across from a white clapboard church. Local deputy is sitting on the front porch of the station talking with regulars about guns and hunting knives. Despite family roots in Georgia that go back 150 years, Rose notes: “Everyone speaks country here.” (I was thinking the same thing.)
8:30 - Husband, who has been traveling for many weeks and has been ornery when at home, secretly buys me some Combos to munch as a modest peace offering. Sadly it works.
8:55 —A good 500 miles from salt water my daughter declares “I smell beach.”
9:51 — Husband keeps asking me questions about local crops - fir trees, pecan trees. Why does he think I’m going to have answers? Who does he think he married - an ag science major?
10:04 - Michael brings up old girlfriend from Tift County.
10:24 - Walsh wants to make sure we’re going the right direction. I assure him we’re heading toward Miami, not our house.
11:05 - Hit Florida line. Stop at first Florida rest station to nurse and change baby.
11:39 - Put on baby’s cutest outfit for her grandfather. Gambling that she won’t poop on it in the next four hours. Walsh has snatched can of Pringles during the stop and is trying to hide it in his car seat.
11:45 - Walsh enthralled with the Universal Studios brochure we picked up at rest stop. Glad we spent money on activity books before we left.
11:52 - Baby finally asleep. We all follow suit.
1:30 - Wake up with major kink in my neck to Michael declaring, “I finally figured out this navigation system,” as he’s bent over fiddling with small buttons not watching the road.
1:46 -Stop for lunch. We choose Burger King and kid’s meals for everyone purely based on getting Simpsons toys. SCORE: One limited edition Golden Homer. Woo-hoo!
1:55 -Regretting Simpsons toys as Walsh makes Homer say “Yee-Haw” over and over.
2:15 - Michael declares, “If there was an ‘Amazing Race’ with infants we’d be right in there.” He goes on to say, “Our driving is excellent, but our diaper changing (my part) needs some work.”
4:05 - We pull into my father-in-law’s driveway.
WEDNESDAY
9:58 a.m. - Leave hotel.
10:02 - First stop of the day.
10:05 - Regretting the Golden Homer again.
11 -Michael decides to call the navigation system - PAM. (Get it? It’s map in reverse.)
12:20 - 25 miles from downtown Miami we hit a major traffic jam.
1 - 15 miles out we have to take a nursing, bathroom break. Nearly kills Michael to stop this close to destination.
2 - We’ve arrived.
Should parents be even-steven?
Does it promote fairness among siblings, create children who always expect things or create children highly aware of what their siblings are getting?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Over the weekend I brought home the previously mentioned matching sister UGA outfits for my girls. My son just looked so forlorn and said “Do you have something for me?” I told him I didn’t find anything for him that day. He seemed a little bit hurt. I gave him a hug and told him he would get something on another day.
I have never really been an even-steven kind of parent. I buy things for the child who needs it or deserves it at the time. I guess I felt it would all pan out in the end. (I think the only time I would try to be even-steven is if we were on vacation buying trinkets or buying from the ice cream truck - some type of situation like that.)
My mom has always been very in to being even-steven, but I think the policy just makes us highly aware of what the other sibling is getting.
Do you try to pay attention to how much you buy, how much time, how much affection you give to each child? Do you worry about being even-steven? Do you think it leads to better relationship between you and your children? Does it lead to better sibling relationships? Or worse?
Permalink | Comments (110) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
Brother/sister outfits cool?
Do you like to dress your children in complimentary outfits? Or is that old-fashioned or old South?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’m sure I will be brutally attacked for this admission but when my first daughter was a baby I used to love to dress us in coordinating outfits. I had a lavender velvet dress and she had little lavender velvet overalls. I had a red Asian floral dress and she had a mini-version of it.
When I was a baby my mother used to sew matching outfits for me and her so I guess that’s why I loved doing it with my daughter.
And now that Rose has a baby sister I am officially out of control wanting to buy them coordinating dresses. I bought them red check seersucker UGA sundresses this weekend. And I keep looking at the matching dresses in the Hannah Anderson catalog for the fall.
They did have some little red seersucker john-johns for my son but I didn’t get them. I thought that would be too matchy and I also didn’t think my husband would let him wear them.
I’m sure the girls will have coordinating Christmas and Easter dresses. I can probably only get away with it for a year or two so I’m going to do it while I can.
Did you dress your children in coordinating outfits? Did you do brothers and sisters, brothers and brothers or just sisters and sisters? Why did you like doing it? Did they ever mind or were they into it? Did you ever buy coordinating mommy and me outfits?
Permalink | Comments (55) | Categories: Family Life
