MOMania

By WTF!

August 21, 2007 8:15 AM | Link to this

This is STUPID!!

By Teresa

August 21, 2007 8:32 AM | Link to this

Every mother is a “working mom” whether she’s employed outside the home or not. And in my opinion, being able to stay home with your kids is a luxury not everyone is able to enjoy. My family needs my income; we couldn’t get by without it. And that doesn’t make me less of a mother than someone who stays home all day. I personally couldn’t do it. Staying home with small children all day long takes a special kind of woman, the kinds that sadly has become less common due to economic need for most families. I don’t guilty about working outside the home, because I both enjoy and need my job.

By Lu

August 21, 2007 8:45 AM | Link to this

Who cares?? Let’s focus on making sure that women in the workplace get paid equal wages to men. And how about all of the women in the workplace who don’t display photos of their children because it will be said they aren’t “dedicated”, while a man who displays photos of his children is said to be “a solid family man.” What kind of crap is that??

By SA

August 21, 2007 8:46 AM | Link to this

I never thought this was an issue until I had a child. The fact that I am employed outside of the home makes me the devil in the eyes of SOME stay at home moms who liken my employment to child abuse. I am a full time mother even though I have a job and I don’t love my child any less.

By Laurie

August 21, 2007 8:56 AM | Link to this

Oh Boy, here we go! The big debate between the “working” mom and the “stay at home” mom. I wish we could all realize that we are on the same team, which is to raise healthy, happy and well rounded children. I am a stay at home mom and I cannot begin to list all of the times my neighbors think that because I do not work outside the home that I should babysit their kids, pick them up from school, etc. Whatever your situation, it’s your responsibility to raise your children. I completely respect the “working” mom and I dont know how you do it and maintain a household. I am extremely lucky and grateful that I dont have to leave my children in child care and go work a 40 hour week outside my home. That said, it’s also VERY hard to be home 24/7 watching young kids. Either way, raising children is THE hardest job there is!

By Laurie

August 21, 2007 8:57 AM | Link to this

Oh Boy, here we go! The big debate between the “working” mom and the “stay at home” mom. I wish we could all realize that we are on the same team, which is to raise healthy, happy and well rounded children. I am a stay at home mom and I cannot begin to list all of the times my neighbors think that because I do not work outside the home that I should babysit their kids, pick them up from school, etc. Whatever your situation, it’s your responsibility to raise your children. I completely respect the “working” mom and I dont know how you do it and maintain a household. I am extremely lucky and grateful that I dont have to leave my children in child care and go work a 40 hour week outside my home. That said, it’s also VERY hard to be home 24/7 watching young kids. Either way, raising children is THE hardest job there is!

By nurse&mother

August 21, 2007 9:14 AM | Link to this

I think women do the best that they can and should not be made to feel bad if they want to work or have to work. I feel like I have the best of both worlds working part time. I will admit that there are some days when I am off that work sounds good (ex. days when my son has toilet paper bits all over the bathroom, he has ransacked the house for the third time and I have just picked up the clutter one hour before, when he has whined ALL day long, and the car runs out of gas in the middle of the pick up line at the elementary school-yes this happened to me yesterday LOL) But there are most days when my son looks a me with the most beautiful eyes and a smile that melts hearts and I am thankful to be at home half time.

Back to the topic: “Employed” mom I suppose is more politically correct, I suppose. I wish women would not get so upset about the terminology (“full time mom”, “SAHM”, “working mom” etc.). We are all mothers! Some of us just have other hats.

By Lynette

August 21, 2007 9:19 AM | Link to this

I am a full time Mom! I am a full time employee too. In fact being a Mom is more than full time. It is 100% of the time.

I have also found my self being a full time Dad too thanks to an absentee ex-husband!

There is no “Nanny” to help out either. Most of us just do the best we can with what and who we have.

By Jonny

August 21, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this

Equal pay for equal work. And that is exactly what we have right now because women do not, by and large, work the hours that men work and men will take jobs that, by and large, women will not take and are not able to perform.

The woman’s plea for equal pay for equal work is an empty howl. When a woman works as hard as a man, she gets paid like a man. Fact is, most women don’t work as hard as men. Ergo, the “inequality” in pay.

By Lu

August 21, 2007 9:37 AM | Link to this

Jonny: What a load of sexist junk that is!!

There are plenty of women who work the EXACT SAME JOB with the EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE and the EXACT SAME RESPONSIBILITIES and yet are paid less. Why?? The “old boys” are comfortable with each other and take care of each other. Simple as that.

Talk football at lunch and bond! Talk NASCAR on Mondays and bond! Talk whatever and bond!

By Lynette

August 21, 2007 9:39 AM | Link to this

Jonny!

I work full time I also still work all evening and all weekend.

We all as women and mothers are on doyuble time most of the time. Most men I know get to come home a relax after a hard day at work. We women are still working.

In fact the average guy cannot afford topay out of pocket for the job that a wife/mother does.

By Cranberry

August 21, 2007 9:51 AM | Link to this

Truth is, this whole discussion is moot. If you are happy with your work/mom situation, then there’s no need to argue. After all, as long as you’re doing what’s right for your family, then you have no need to feel ashamed, right? If it’s important enough to you to make a change, then do so, and quit worrying about it. No one else has the right to judge how you arrange your work/family life. ‘Nuff said!

By DadMania

August 21, 2007 9:56 AM | Link to this

Don’t forget working dads. I am not married and probably spend more time with my child than most married fathers. Don’t forget there are two sides to every story ladies.

By My 3 Boys

August 21, 2007 10:03 AM | Link to this

Jonny—I would say that most women do work just as hard as men. The problem is at home. Lots of women can’t step up to the plate and take a difficult position because they have responsibilities at home. Most men do not have to juggle the same things that women do. If the couple has kids and they both work, the kid stuff generally falls in the woman’s lap. For the past two weeks all three of my kids have been passing the stomach bug back and forth to each other. I was taking to my husband about what we would do if I worked out of the home. I said who would be taking off of work to deal with this? Most men have a “career” lots of women just have a “job”.

I am a stay at home mom. I am lucky that my husband makes enough money so I do not have to work and I feel it important for me to be at home. With that said, my career was much less stressful than being a stay at home mom. Sometimes, I would gladly go back to work but I could never send my child to a day care center. It would have to be a nanny or something. Then I would be working to pay the nanny! I always tell myself that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

By Jennifer

August 21, 2007 10:03 AM | Link to this

I agree with Cranberry. Who cares what you are called? My kids call me Mom and that’s all the title I need. My family is happy with our situation, I’m happy with my current position, and if anyone else doesn’t like it then they are free to be unhappy.

Laurie, AMEN on the babysitter deal! I had a friend ask me for something crazy last week so I’m over babysitting and doing favors for people. I’ve been used and abused and this girl is done!

By Sam

August 21, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this

Jonny You are so full of crap. This woman works just as hard, or harder, at work, than most of the men. Since most of the men are in management, they feel they don’t have to “schlep” any longer. I’ve been here longer than most of them. I do the shipping and receiving, because it’s too hot for them outside. I work harder than any man at my work, do the work they refuse to do, yet I am the lowest paid person, because I am a woman.

I have a running joke in the office, that I am going to go to Love Shack, buy a “dill doe” and put is on my desk. Then I will be treated equal, because I too have a dick.

Men will ALWAYS have the better jobs, and the better pay. Although woman work twice as hard as they do, and continue to work once they get home!!!

By hellooooo

August 21, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this

I fear this debate will never, ever be resolved. There will always be the moms who are not otherwise employed [defined as earning an income] and always be moms who want/need to be otherwise employed… and all of them will STILL be moms — and many of them will resent the other [the grass is greener syndrome]

reminds me of the story of the guy who comes home from his 40-hour-a-week job, pulls up in the driveway and sees the kids in the yard, dirty, half-naked, toys, clothes, diapers strewn around the yard and house, food spilled in the kitchen, television blaring, tub running over with water and bath toys, beds unmade, laundry not done, dirty dishes everywhere … he runs through the house, looking frantically for his wife who must be sick or dead or something …

He finds her reading a book, totally oblivious to the mess around her. He gets furious and starts screaming [once he knows she’s ok, of course] at her “what are you doing?”

She looks up and calmly replies… “You know that question you ask me ‘what do you DO all day?’ — well… today i DIDN’T.”

unfortunately, in addition to a paying position outside the home, MANY women are stuck with doing all of that stuff too. But then… the way I see it, women HAVE to be the strong ones … remember, men wouldn’t make it past the first moment of parenting if THEY had to carry that baby, go through the labor, and feed it!!!

cheers!!

By Jerry

August 21, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this

Theresa:

Good grief. If your “friend” was so “devastated” by a harmless comment, it seems that your “friend” has a serious self-confidence problem.

Your “friend” was really “devastated” by what the nanny said?

By hellooooo

August 21, 2007 10:27 AM | Link to this

Oh yes, I neglected to answer one question: “How much ‘work’ qualifies you as a working mom?”

The moment that baby is born, you become a ‘working mom’.

By Eric

August 21, 2007 10:28 AM | Link to this

Sam:

I guarantee that you are not the lowest paid person because you are a woman but rather because of your attitude.

By hellooooo

August 21, 2007 10:37 AM | Link to this

Eric:

Sam’s attitude MIGHT just be because of the frustration of having done the work and been left on the bottom … something SOME men seem to think is where women belong regardless of what they do or who they are!

By hellooooo

August 21, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this

amendment… actually, you become a working mom the moment your pains begin, why else call it labor ???!!!??? Some women might even say from the moment of conception — especially if they have a difficult pregnancy!!!

By DivaMae

August 21, 2007 10:45 AM | Link to this

I wonder if anyone has considered many of us mothers do not have a choice but to work b/c men do not pay child support and we must make ends meet! Call me a working mom b/c I work a 40 hour job from 9 am to 5pm I get off, scoop the kids from the after school program cook dinner help w/homework bath time clean up the house and by ten pm I am tired. That in itself is work not to mention staying on top of all the activities and things children like and have to do. I do not think it is fair to classify a mother just b/c she works “outside” or inside the home I feel she is ALWAYS working even when the children are grown and gone. My own mother still works her full time job and takes time for my two younger sisters and myself even though we’re adults and we have our own families. Motherhood is a career that lasts for a lifetime.

By hellooooo

August 21, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this

LOL DivaMae!!! I was thinking about adding exactly those words (“Motherhood is a career that lasts for a lifetime.”) but felt i’d jumped in enough already!

so i’ll just add A-M-E-N!!!!!

By Fulton County Mom

August 21, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this

ALL MOMS ARE WORKING MOMS.

We should be insulted and you should be ashamed for asking that….it sounds more like a male chauvinist question to me.

By Fulton County Mom

August 21, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this

@ Lynette,

I am in that same boat with you!

Mom, Dad, Chief Cook, Bottle Washer, and Bread Winner at my house.

I am also nurse, psychitrist, maid, cleaners, taxi, bank….oh well all us Moms know those roles.

By Fulton County Mom

August 21, 2007 11:17 AM | Link to this

Johnny is right women don’t work as hard as men. The ones I know work HARDER and with BETTER results then most men in the same office.

By nurse&mother

August 21, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this

Jonny I worked 12 hours Sat. & Sun. On Sunday when I was supposed to get off at 7pm, my co-workers were very busy so I stayed over to help them out. When it looked like they needed the call person, we couldn’t reach her. I decided to stay longer. Meanwhile, I hadn’t seen my family all day long and the kids would be in bed before I got home. Long story short, I worked 14 hours in labor & delivery birthing babies. (and the patients just kept pouring in!!)

My husband works in construction. I know this is very demanding physically. But I doubt that you will find many men that are willing to work over their shift 2 hours (14 hours total) to help out co-workers. I am not saying there aren’t any out there, just not many.

By Katie

August 21, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

Being a parent is a choice. What do you want, a pat on the back for procreating? If you want to work, work. If you want to stay home, stay home. You will get no special rewards for parenting your children. It’s not a job, it’s what you’re expected to do when you have kids. If you think it’s work then maybe you shouldn’t have kids. Or at least, stop complaining about it.

By FCM

August 21, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

Theresa, I believe I was harsh saying you should be ashamed. I apologize for that.

By Pat

August 21, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

I never worked as hard as when I stayed home with my children those first few years. Any idiot who needs who says stay-at-home moms are not working moms don’t know what they’re talking about. The hours are long, the work is hard but you get a great salary - sticky hugs and slobbery kisses. WHen I finally got back into an office setting, I couldn’t find a single job benefit that matched it and I missed seeing my kids during the day, but I was fortunate to have the luxury of working only when they were in school until they hit their teens. At which time I promptly went into hiding until they outgrew it. All moms work- it’s not a career - it’s an adventure and the longest on-the-job training program in existence.

By DivaMae

August 21, 2007 12:13 PM | Link to this

this is in response to Hellooooo, Fulton County Mom and Lynette……….

We choose to have children. We love them and we want the best for them. Having said that I guess that’s why we work all day long both inside and outside of the home. Some folk really need to get a grip……..I say you never appreciate the value of being a parent til you’ve actually done it, then you come to not only understand but appreciate and love the fruits of your “LABOR”.

I say nobody does it like MOMMA can! Men might TRY….but they’ll never match up that’s why they weren’t selected to carry babies.

Now imagine that. A pregnant man….I’ll let ya’ll play with that idea!!!!

By Jody

August 21, 2007 12:46 PM | Link to this

I agree with so many of the posts here, bottom line once you’re comfortable with whatever your role is, stay at home, work form home, work outside of home… you don’t care about others comments or how they see you. DivaMae, I told my mom once when I called at 3 am with a question about my then newborn, don’t be aggravated, didn’t you know motherhood was ‘til death do we part?’ I fully understood that when I had my first son. So we are all working mothers and just like any other position we have varied job descriptions.

By Lynette

August 21, 2007 1:57 PM | Link to this

We moms cannot allow ourselves to be defined in one sentance.

By Sam

August 21, 2007 2:39 PM | Link to this

Motherhood - the hardest job you will ever love!!!!

By hellooooo

August 21, 2007 2:54 PM | Link to this

DivaMae

Oh I 100% agree - we choose to be parents; and i don’t think for one moment that most of the moms here were complaining about being moms… the point is not that we’re moms … but that because we are moms people seem to think somehow that anything ELSE we do doesn’t count; or that IF we do something else, we must not be good moms.

And i think i sort of headed toward your final point… Men don’t have a clue about what it’s like to be impregnated, carry the baby as it grows, totally sacrifice your “wants” to that baby’s needs as it grows in you, go through the labor and delivery process, and then, for many of us, actually become the food source for that baby for at least some period of time after birth. I don’t think any single man can even imagine what we do, what we are, how we do it… hey… one of my earlier Gyns told me that there was NO way i could “feel” the snipping of the pap smear instruments, because “there are no nerves there” … Uh Huh.

I love my husband and all three of my sons. But there is no way on God’s green earth [or any OTHER place], and no matter how much i talk till i’m blue in the face, that they will ever ever understand where i’m coming from. But i’m not complaining. It’s just a fact of life!

By Fulton County Mom

August 21, 2007 4:18 PM | Link to this

@ Diva Mae: I think you barked up the wrong tree. Lynnette and myself (and apparently you from your earliest post) are all supporting the family without the second income or child support.

Yes, I choose to have children. I did not choose for my husband to abandon us and go into hiding (work all under the table) so that he and his g/f could shack up and not support the children he helped me choose to have.

I have never regretted being a Mom and will never be unhappy to be a Single Mom….having that a$$ out of our lives is a blessing.

By JJ

August 22, 2007 7:55 AM | Link to this

Fulton County Mom Did we marry the same man? Mine took off once I announced my pregnancy. He put everything in his g/f’s name so I couldn’t get any child support. Then he abandonded her and their child too.

That’s ok, I feel the same way you do about having that a$$ out of our lives. However, I know that “What goes around, comes around” and he will one day pay. Whether its me he pays, or whatever, he will pay for abandoning his child. By the way, he has also abandonded 3 other kids with three other women.

One man, four kids, four single moms.

By DB

August 22, 2007 12:31 PM | Link to this

You know, I stopped caring what anyone else called me a looong time ago. Call me a working mom. Call me a stay-at-home mom. Call me whatever you need to call me in order to fit me into some narrow notion of you view of the universe. I don’t care. It doesn’t change what I choose to do at all. What I do, I do for myself and my family, and what’s best for us. At some times, that was being home 24/7. At other times, it meant “paying work outside the home.”

In the end, I am content with my decisions. I have been privileged to be a mom to two wonderful kids who are busy beginning their attacks on adulthood with enthusiasm and excitement. I am still very happily married to the same guy I first married 25 years ago. Someone once inferred that I had “wasted” my education and work opportunities to stay at home and raise kids. I look at my kids — healthy, well-balanced, well-mannered, making smart choices, principled, with goals and a zest for life — and just grin. Yeah, what a waste … :-) As far as I’m concerned, I’ve spent the last 18 years creating two incredible masterpieces. Top THAT!

Someone once told me that it was possible to do everything you wanted in life … the trick was, that you couldn’t do it all at the same time. “To everything there is a season.” I chose to spend part of my life raising my family. Now that I’m near the end of the time-intensive portion of that process, there’s also a world of opportunities opening up. The payback, however, will be in a different sort of currency from the rewards of parenthood.

By dad of 3

August 24, 2007 7:21 AM | Link to this

please tell me you arent trying to imply that typing this blog is your version of “working from home”.

By past50mom

August 24, 2007 9:31 AM | Link to this

While my kids were growing up I was a stay-at-home mom for the early years, working part time at home and outside of the home, then went back to school while working part time, and then worked full time. I have been on both sides. Problems arise when people presume to judge your choices and then comment to you. It’s none of their business, and we don’t have to respond to their rude comments, nor explain ourselves or our choices to them. We all make choices to support our family and financial needs. There is not one magic formula for handling life. Different strokes for different folks, y’all.

By DB

August 24, 2007 1:05 PM | Link to this

past50mom, isn’t it great to be over 50? It’s so darn liberating when you really, truly realize that you don’t have to give a rat’s a** what anyone else thinks, that you are a grown-up and can do whatever you please, thank-you-very-much.

By past50mom

August 24, 2007 1:57 PM | Link to this

DB, YES!!! I loved your comments yesterday, which I wholeheartedly agree with. My three children are the fruits of my labor, and I am proud that my husband (of 29 years) and I worked hard, and are enjoying seeing our three well behaved, intelligent, independent and productive young adults now out on their own.

I will be 55 in month, and don’t feel a day over 35. Maturity is liberating!