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DEL.ICIO.USTurn off e-mail when expressing love
Will children today know the joy of reading old handwritten love letters? Do you save notes and cards for your children?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
While we were packing up our house to move, my husband ran across a box of old love letters. Some were from me to Michael. Some were from Michael’s father when he was stationed overseas and some were from Michael’s mother before her death. There were also a few from Michael’s high-school girlfriends.
As we sat there reading, I started to wonder whether our children’s generation would ever have the pleasure of receiving, and later finding, hand-written love letters.
E-mail is so ubiquitous these days that I’m not even sure the generation directly behind mine (Generation Y) will have these precious mementos.
I’m not against e-mail in general. I think it’s great for business, bills and organizing book club meetings. However, if my husband is going to tell me he loves me I want it handwritten and with character.
I asked my brother-in-law’s 26-year-old girlfriend if she had any love letters. She said they were all on e-mail. She said about the only paper mail she sends anymore is postcards from where she’s traveled.
I think it’s sad that if my brother-in-law does marry this girl they won’t have any tangible evidence of their early affection - at least none that they won’t have to print out first.
Although better organized, it’s not quite as romantic to open up your laptop and search your Gmail database for a letter. Part of the pleasure is running across love letters and letting your mind slip back to another time.
My husband discovered several letters that I wrote him from Italy. I studied abroad the first summer after we met and was just miserable without him. The letters were all sent on blue folding Aerogrammes with Vatican stamps and postmarks. There is tiny writing running in all directions where I tried to squeeze in the most possible words.
We also found a hand-made Valentine’s card from me to Michael from a couple of years ago. It was based on a Valentine’s Day card that Lisa Simpson made for Ralph Wiggum on “The Simpsons.” It had a construction paper train on the front and inside said “I choo-choo-choose you!” I don’t think that would play the same on a computer.
We found piles of cards and letters from his mother, who died while he was in college. She wrote him how much she loved him and asked him to take care of his brother. The letters reflected all their moves with postmarks from around the country and the world. But I really think what broke him up the most was seeing his mother’s handwriting again.
I am determined to have a trail of love letters and cards for my children. Even if they never get them from their future wife or husband, at least they’ll have these hand-written notes of affection from us.
When I went to the hospital to have each baby I wrote letters to my children telling them how much they meant to me, and what I hoped for each of them. I think in years to come they’ll treasure having these written testaments of love.
I am committing to doing a better job writing them cards and actually keeping up with them. My mother has a pile of cards from her deceased mother. She always dates her envelopes, just like her grandmother did, so you’ll always know what birthday or anniversary they were from. I know reading her mother’s cards and letters make her sad, but I think they also are a comfort to her.
I want the same for my children. I want — long after I’m gone — for them to be able to turn time and time again to my handwritten letters reassuring them how much I love them and how special they are.
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Comments
By Tina
August 13, 2007 7:34 AM | Link to this
I ask my husband to write me notes for our anniversary and for mother’s day, now that I’m a mom. He usually does so on my stationery. As a child, I loved having pen pals, and thus, wrote and received a lot of letters. I asked my husband over a period of months to ask his father to write a letter to our son, his only grandchild, before his father died from cancer (when our son was four months old). My husband never bothered to ask, deeming it “silly” and “unneccesary.” The day after his father died, he realized it was necessary and not silly at all for me to have made the request. Letters can be a legacy.
By fk
August 13, 2007 7:47 AM | Link to this
My husband and I moved away from family and friends when I was midway thru my pregnancy. It was a very emotional time for me…excitement about our baby and our new life, sadness at leaving everyone we knew behind. I spoke to my mom often, but my dad wrote a letter to me almost every week. I saved every one of them. I have also saved the cards that my parents and in-laws have sent to my son over the years, and not just b’day cards. My grandparents were gone before my time, and that is something that I missed, so I wanted my son to have something from his grandparents. I’m glad that he got to know 3 of the 4, and they are still a part of his life at sixteen, despite the hundreds of miles that separate us. And, yes, I do save cards from us. Just yesterday, I came across a box of elementary school work and a letter from the tooth fairy. He was rolling his eyes.
My dad is a WWII veteran. He has only the last letter his mother ever wrote to him while he was overseas. It is a very touching letter. Sadly, she died while he was away. And, he also has the very first letter his dad ever wrote to him. That one seems as though a penpal wrote it, but it has deep sentimental value to my dad.
A few years ago, I found a box of letters that my husband sent me when we were dating, during college. I also found some old (dorky) cards. He asked me to ditch the cards, so I did. Not sure if it’s the selection of cards that has gotten much better over the years, or if he’s gotten much better at choosing them. How much stuff can you hold on to? He still sends me cards, but no more letters. He is far more sentimental than I, but even he does not save cards and letters. Photos tell wonderful stories, too, especially with a message written on the back.
By Jesse's Girl
August 13, 2007 7:59 AM | Link to this
Mr. Jesse and I do not generally do gifts for anniversaries….we do love letters. Nothing makes my day like that. There is no piece of jewelry or bouquet of my favorite flowers that expresses his love like a hand written letter. I too write to our children. I have hope chests for each child, filled with special outfits, pictures, letters and the story of their births. I haven’t decided when I will bestow these chests upon them…..when they physically leave the nest or when they marry. But I know that when they open them up, they will see how much I loves them…daddy too. I have caught him slipping the occassional secret note in! I have also included the story of how we met and fell in love. They know it already….every last cooky detail….but still, I don’t ever want them to forget what a gentlemen their father was and is.
I highly reccomend writing love letters to your children. I also include little stories of some of the trials I faced as a teenager and how they were handled…what I learned.
By kaa
August 13, 2007 8:26 AM | Link to this
Given that both my husband and I have horrible handwriting, e-mail is a good thing:) I print our e-mail love letters and put them in a book. I did the same thing with the e-mails that were sent to us when our son was born and after he had open heart surgery. Even though the method has changed, there is still a way to save and preserve love letters.
By Fulton County Mom
August 13, 2007 8:27 AM | Link to this
Handwritten letters do mean something…My mother has 2 that have been around all these years. The first is a scrawled note on hotel paper…my Dad sent it to her when he was on business while they were engaged…Nothing overly ‘mushy’ about it, but if you knew my Dad then you’d understand the fact he did it was mushy.
The second was written when I was a few months old. My mother, was writing her mother about the ‘baby’ (me) and how much she was enjoying figuring out Motherhood….this second letter was discovered in my Grandmother’s things when she died.
I ran across both by accident, and Mom just smiled, she had no problem sharing. It was cool to see that side of my parents.
My children have special notes (typed and handwritten) from me waiting for them in their scrapbooks. They will find them when the time is right.
I did find some old HS letters of my own, I started to toss them…then realized both my children are going through similar things…I decided to keep them so when they yell “You just don’t get it (understand)” I can pull them out and show them that I really, really do.
By Jonny
August 13, 2007 9:11 AM | Link to this
I dunno about all this. I toss most cards, not because I’m heartless but because I dislike the clutter. As for the love letters, I advise any man here that wishes not to irk his current squeeze to hide them well (I’m talking 3 inch pvc buried in the back yard under a body) or burn them. Do you really want to be asked, “do you still feel that way for her?” or “why don’t you do that for me?”. Do you?
Pu-lease. I quit doing love letters because I don’t like the paper trail.
By BeachBum
August 13, 2007 9:13 AM | Link to this
I understand your husband getting choked up at seeing his mother’s handwriting. I do the same thing when I re-read letter/cards from my mom and dad, who I lost two and four years ago, respectively. From the time I left home at 18, my dad wrote to me 2-3 times a week, even if it was just a four-line note. And I treasure the last birthday card I received from my mom - it was one of the last things she penned her signature to. While e-mail is fast and convenient, there is a level of depersonalization attached to typing your feelings, rather than putting them down in handwritten script. I, for one, miss the old-fashioned way.
By nurse&mother
August 13, 2007 9:27 AM | Link to this
I saved the few letters my husband sent me in HS and in college. I also saved some letters from my best friend and my mother while I attended UGA. My best friend sent me goofy letters which are priceless now! My mom’s letters were very encouraging.
I was a little homesick the first two quarters of my freshman year. I am from north Georgia, about 20 min from the Tennessee line. In 1992, it took me around three hours (316 stopped around Winder) to get to Athens. I didn’t get too many visitors.
I love looking back at these letters as they represent such an exciting time in my life! I guess that is why I never could bring myself to throw them away.
I have saved some letters and cards from my grandmother to my children. She is 87 and is in fairly poor health. I know one day she will not be here and I would like for my children to have something to cherish from her. She is the most wonderful lady!
By Kathy
August 13, 2007 10:19 AM | Link to this
When we moved away from family I bought a nice journal book and placed it in the guest room with a pretty pen and a little note that I framed saying please feel free to write down a memory of your visit. Everyone that comes and visits overnight writes their thank you and memories of what we did on their visit. I can’t go in the guest room without sitting down and taking the trip back through time by reading their entries. There are notes from when my daughter’s friends helped her celebrate her 21st birthday, grandparents that came for my son’s graduation from high school, friends that stayed over after the prom…great memories.
By patricia merson
August 13, 2007 11:03 AM | Link to this
I enjoyed your column—I am from a family of letter writers, and I value the ones I have-they give a slice of life from the time they were written-aluding to people that have come and gone, events that are family history, etc. I have several handwritten recipes from my grandmothers that bring back memories every time I see them-‘Grandma Daisy’s persimmon pudding-yes I can see her bring it in at Thanksgiving wrapped up in waxed paper and sitting in a graniteware pan..’
By nurse&mother
August 13, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this
What a great idea Kathy!
By Macy
August 13, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this
I am 25 and do appreciate a letter written with love, unlike some of my peers. I learned from my parents and grandparents the beauty of handwritten letters. My grandmother is the best corresponder-she keeps a journal of friends and family’s birthdays and anniversaries and doesnt just write the normal stuff-she puts thought into every letter. I myself have a box of letters and cards that I will forever cherish not because I still am in love with an old high school boyfriend-but because it takes me back to a time of innocence when I was first discovering what it meant to love. To John-is it so difficult to put them in a shoe box in your closet-and if the women you are dating are that insecure you have bigger problems than a “paper trail”.
By letter saver
August 13, 2007 12:13 PM | Link to this
I was an avid Cosmopolitan reader in my youth, and once there was an article stating that you should save all your love letters, no matter how bitter your break up - because, someday when you are old, it will be nice to look back and remember what youthful love was like. My ex-husband died 11 years ago, and I’m happy to report I never threw away a single letter even after we divorced. The handwriting of a person who has passed away is precious. It’s a “font” that doesn’t die.
By Amy
August 13, 2007 12:38 PM | Link to this
Jessie’s Girl - I would suggest keeping the chests till your kids have a “real” home - I lost so many sentimental things during my college and single years. Not because they weren’t special, but because of roomates, people moving me when I was gone, etc. Just food for thought.
By Jones
August 13, 2007 1:36 PM | Link to this
While not a “love” letter, my mother has a hand written letter from my Great-grandfather to the President of the United States, asking for recognition/compensation for fighting against Geronimo. It’s dated sometime in the 1890’s. Pretty cool…..
By Kristie Carter
August 13, 2007 3:28 PM | Link to this
This is such an amazing part of my life that I just had to read this article. My husband is away all the time and he never fails to write to me everyday. I have twelve three inch binders filled with love letters, from the beginning of our courtship until now- married old people. Well, he’s old. I’m still silly enough to keep pink ribbons, roses and little trinkets he gives me, right where I can appreciate them. Our devotion to one another and our words are precious to me, but the romance of our life, written out for our two boys, future babies and grandbabies to read is priceless.
By Samara O'Shea
August 14, 2007 6:32 PM | Link to this
Theresa, You’re a letter writer after my own heart! I am the author of a book on letter writing in the modern world and the founder of a letter writing service (www.LetterLover.net), and I’m so glad to know I’m not alone in my little letter world. Spread the word. Cheers, Samara O’Shea
By Samara O'Shea
August 14, 2007 6:35 PM | Link to this
Theresa, You’re a letter writer after my own heart! I am the author of a book on letter writing in the modern world and the founder of a letter writing service [text to be linked] (http://www.LetterLover.net), and I’m so glad to know I’m not alone in my little letter world. Spread the word. Cheers, Samara O’Shea
By Magenta
August 22, 2007 6:40 PM | Link to this
Hey, did you grownups know that cursive writing is slowly vanishing from the school curriculum? I remember starting 3rd grade and feeling so mature when they taught us to “write in script.” Apparently, they don’t teach that as much nowadays. Kids are encouraged to print in block letters. Crazy.