MOMania

By Mom of two

June 21, 2007 8:47 AM | Link to this

Teens have always had hormone issues. My thing now is puberty starts so early now. My neice was 8 when she started her m-cycle so how do you explain that she is entering “womanhood” while she is playing with her Barbie dolls?

I have a son 18 months and a daughter that’s 3. I am NOT looking forward to hormonal issues. I remember that being such a bad time, well at least for me.

By Jeff

June 21, 2007 8:58 AM | Link to this

Well, on the girl’s side you have the well documented horror stories. With girls, you’re likley to get sass/ back talk/ general disrespect.

With guys, you’re likely to get fights that can QUICKLY escalate, particularly early on.

I know in my own case I was an early bloomer as far as the muscles/ voice/ rage went (so I’m assuming I was an early bloomer in “other areas”, but honestly I don’t remember there!), and I had ZERO clue what was happening. I just knew that a) I had a hair-trigger temper and b) I was suddenly able to kick some SERIOUS tail (vs the tail kickings that I had RECIEVED prior to this). It was also around tbis time that I found that my fighting skills - naturally pretty good, evidently - were very much instinctual and very good at inflicting enough damage to win the fight quickly. NOT a good combination!!!

At the same time, I would have the same level of mood swings that are more well documented in girls… to the tune that I could be ready to kill OTHERS in a split second, and 5 min later be ready to kill MYSELF.

So how do you handle this? I want to say that each kid is different, so it really depends. At the same time though, I also feel that the parent of the same sex as the kid needs to switch into a “mentor” type role at this stage and try to help their child learn how to control and focus. Fortunately for me, I had several men in my life over those few years that stepped up and gave me that.

Which leads to my conclusion: I know not about the female side, but on the male side, I am a FIRM believer that a pubescent male needs to learn three things through a combination of experience and a trusted mentor to turn to: Discipline, Control, and Focus. A focused, disciplined boy with full control is no longer a boy, though he may not be quite ready for the full title of “man”. (A title I hold in much higher regard than most guys I know.)

By FCM

June 21, 2007 9:45 AM | Link to this

Forget the teen years….My elementary school kid is eyeing the MIDDLE School boys at the pool…She is girly-girl…content to play dressup/dolly at home and then complaining she is the only one not in a string bikini! (Uh that would be a non issue—-cover up!)

She is also concerned that if boys know she is ‘smart’ (this actually happened last year where she was doing better in a subject than her peers m or f)they won’t like her. Yet she wants to be a doctor! YIKES…..Theresa, do Convents take non Catholic minors?

By Theresa

June 21, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this

Hey FCM — We should definitely do a topic on girls playing dumb —- I hear this so much from friends — one friend’s daughter was like 2 and 3 and not answering out because she was embarrassed — crazy!! — that is a really good topic —- Oh the nunnery — My parents threatened that quite a bit — I think if you went to Ireland they would take anybody — (Just kidding — don’t need any Irish people mad!!)

But seriously — why is the puberty starting earlier — are their hormones changing earlier — Is it just those cow milk hormones — could that possibly be doing it all??

By DB

June 21, 2007 10:52 AM | Link to this

With a daughter who started her period at 10, I was naturally interested in all the theories as to the causes for “early-onset puberty”, especially since I got somewhat of a late start, myself. :-) Lots of interesting theories with lots of correlative data, but no definitive cause-and-effect work has been proven. (To me, the most intriguing one was the use of “bisphenol A (BPA), a compound that was originally made as a chemical estrogen, but that is now used for making plastic products such as baby bottles, tin can linings, certain toys and certain types of food storage containers.” There’s also some observations of a corallary between childhood obesity and early-onset (which wasn’t the case with my daughter).

I think my job as a mom is to make her aware of how hormonal fluctuations can affect her, emotionally. One of the reasons why the girls get so emotional is … because they are emotional! The circular logic they use is that “If I’m taking it THIS hard, it MUST be really bad!” Making them more self-aware and realize that their sensitivity might be heightened at certain times of the month helps them discipline themselves a bit, take a step back and say, “OK, let’s see how I feel about this tomorrow.”

Are hormones an excuse? No. They are something you are going to have to learn to deal with for the rest of your life — might as well start now. (Meanwhile, here’s a Midol …:-) )

With a boy, what was interesting to me was seeing the testosterone wars between father and son. Alpha dog, and all that junk! My normally easy-going husband and son would suddenly flare up over the stupidest things. The way I finally had to put it was, “If your daughter had said that, would you be so mad?” to put it in perspective. Or, as my daughter and I would say (quietly, and only to each other): “Testosterone poisoning!”

By Jeff

June 21, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this

DB:

Ah yes, forgot about the testosterone wars. Typically the worst with the oldest son… younger ones tend to fall in line with the oldest. The battles between my own dad and me were epic classics. One battle ended with me with a cut foot after having been accidentally pushed backward over the vacuum cleaner. Another ended with my things in a box on the porch.

They START due to the boy beginning to sense his protective nature. Sees dad as hurting either the siblings or mother, and you now have a battle. Dad IS Alpha, and the young’un decides to challenge - very primitive, often seen in any pack-based animal (wolves come quickly to mind). Just as in wolves, the Alpha MUST win, and usually does. In humans, if the child wins, you get even more of the phenomenon we see today of irresponsible, child-like adults. The young’un hasn’t finished maturing yet, and yet he is the new Alpha. BAD situation.

By kala

June 21, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

I think that young people are being exposed to more horomones because of all the horomones that we put in our foods now. I really think that this is why some little girls are starting their periods at ages 7 and 8. It’s crazy!! Fortuntalely for my parents, I didn’t go through any crazy changes or rebelling, troublesome behavior. I did get a little teenager smartmouth which is a form of rebellion. I think that having a parent that is like a mentor (like someone else mentioned) is really what they need while going through that change. Too many parents focus on trying to be their kids’ friend instead of molding them into great people. Try to teach them how to channel their anger, frustration and other feelings in grown-up, mature, and creative or constructive ways. :)

By Irish People

June 21, 2007 11:47 AM | Link to this

Teresa, Im not even trying to stir anything up, I am genuinly curious, do you really have a degree in Journalism? why dont you use periods?, whats with the dashes? Do you not read your own responses and take a couple seconds to think about what you say? Wouldn’t that be a little more responsible than making a disturbing remark about the Catholic church of Ireland and their desperation for Nuns, then adding a just kidding. Wouldnt it be a little classier to just not make the remark and skip the whole just kidding part. I’d give you an example using minorities or sick children or unwanted puppies, etc. but wont scoop to that level to prove a point. Is there anybody from the AJC that you are accountable to and that is accountable to the readers? who at the AJC hires blog writers, I want that gig.

By delta dawn

June 21, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

I am really tired of excuses for bad behavior from hormones to menapause, to “I am bipolar. Sure, they are experiencing changes when they are growing, but parents should be firm and show them bad behavior is not acceptable. Just like dogs, you have to be the alpha with kids or things will get out of hand.

By JJ

June 21, 2007 12:34 PM | Link to this

Delta You seem to have ALL the answers with regards to raising children. Anytime someone compares kids to dogs must really know their stuff.

Why don’t you write a book?

By Jeff

June 21, 2007 12:44 PM | Link to this

JJ:

Actually, there is enough similarity between human (particularly children) relationships and dog (particularly wolf) relationships that the comparison isn’t invalid. While this is more VISIBLE among males, I would say it is actually more PREVALENT among females. (The Lohan movie “Mean Girls” wasn’t far off in much of what it noted, and y’all - more specifically, your bodies - even go so far as to adopt the same cycles as the alpha female in your groups…)

By Jen

June 21, 2007 12:51 PM | Link to this

I remember the angry misery of being a hormonal teenager. I would be fine one moment and then awesomely p** the next. And I would be such a jerk. And then I would get mad at myself for getting mad and acting like a jerk and that would make it worse. And then I would feel sorry for myself.

I have an almost 6 year old who, right now, is the happiest, shiniest, sparkliest person on the planet.

It breaks my heart to know that in 7 years he might really despise me and his dad….

But, my husband did not have a hormonal teenage experience. He and his mother got on great (no dad).

So, maybe my sparkly child will stay happy and not hate me….

:(

By FCM

June 21, 2007 1:19 PM | Link to this

Irish People & Theresa: I apologize I made the jestful remark about Convents first…with NO disrespect to ANYONE intended.

Theresa—that would be great to hear how others encourage their daughters to excel (thinking Barbie saying ‘this math is to hard’).

JJ—the late Ruth Bell Graham advised that parents take a dog training class. She felt that short firm direction, with a loving pat on the head for good work, raised good children.

As to the early onset puberty—my daughter is very petite, wouldn’t drink milk if you paid her, and chooses fish and veggies over red meat. I cannot attribute her boy craziness to that…even if she is in the age ranges mentioned above.

By ok

June 21, 2007 1:20 PM | Link to this

@Irish People,

Since you see it fit to attempt to pick on Theresa, you should make sure you get it right. It is “stoop”, not “scoop”! Geesh, it is NOT that serious!!

By JJ

June 21, 2007 1:54 PM | Link to this

I’m sorry, but I don’t think raising kids, and raising dogs are at all the same. I believe that I am the parent, the adult, and I am the one in control and the decision maker.

My father once told me - Never let your child control YOU. Never have those words been more important than during these teen years. In every situation I am in with my child, I hear those words.

My daughter doesn’t have raging hormones, but she is definately 16. She answers questions with one syllable. I am learning to be creative with my question asking, in order to gain a verbal response, and converse with her.

By Kat

June 21, 2007 1:55 PM | Link to this

Theresa, “whacked out daughters and nutty wives”???! Thanks for doing your small part to perpetuate another narrow-minded stereotype.

By DB

June 21, 2007 1:59 PM | Link to this

Irish People, did you really mean to make nine punctuation errors while asking for an editorial gig, or were you trying to make a point? (I won’t even touch the grammatical errors.)

Folks, it’s a BLOG. It’s conversation. It’s stream-of-consciousness. This is not investigative journalism, it is a chance to swap views over different topics, to stimulate thought and to think about things that we hadn’t considered.

Let’s keep this in perspective and not make it something that it isn’t, ok?

By Jeff

June 21, 2007 2:10 PM | Link to this

JJ:

I believe… …I am the one in control and the decision maker.

Ummm….. that’s the exact attitude of a award winning dog trainer….

By DB

June 21, 2007 2:12 PM | Link to this

Jen, don’t worry, not every child turns surly and sullen when they hit the teenage years. Neither of mine did, so there’s hope. They might be more selective in what they disclose and their need, but one could never accuse them of being sullen! It’s a fine line, parenting a teenager. One of those lines is the constant readjustment of boundaries, and being able to identify what appropriate boundaries are, even if you, personally, are having an “attack of motherhood” and want to give in to the desire to rein in those boundaries closer than they need to be.

By DB

June 21, 2007 2:18 PM | Link to this

Jeff:

He’s an only son, and there’s no whiff of abuse anywhere in our family, but there’s still a lot of alpha dog behavior on both their parts! What I have been endless amused at is the constant competition, both at running, biking, swimming, etc., even to comparison of SAT scores (as if an SAT score from 35 years ago has anything to do with anything!) It’s starting to even out, though. It doesn’t help that they are both highly competitive. At least my husband has enough sense to enjoy our son’s accomplishments, but it’s definitely a new phase.

By Lynn

June 21, 2007 2:20 PM | Link to this

I’ve been so busy at work I’ve not had much time to comment but I have definately been reading every one else’s the last couple weeks. On this subject I can relate all too well having a 15 year old girl with raging hormones. I also can’t help but feel a little sorry for the hubby/stepdad in our home. On the very day I was going in for my hysterectomy last year, my daughter informed us she had just started and my DH looked at me & said “and I thought things were gonna get better” :) As far as the age when the ladies enter womanhood, I may be wrong but I blame it on chicken nuggets. All my nieces started long before my daughter and their mom’s fed them McD’s nugget meals almost daily while I was raising mine on home cooked meals.

By Jeff

June 21, 2007 2:26 PM | Link to this

DB:

Sorry, didn’t mean to imply abuse at all. It could be something as simple as he thinks dad has punished his sister unfairly or your and DH got into an argument and your son things dad was in the wrong.

That’s in ADDITION to the fact that the younger males starting at puberty - in nearly ANY species - start getting cocky and naturally begin to challenge for greater authority in the pack. (I won’t go into the mating instinct that typically drives this, as it could get fairly disgusting pretty quickly in terms of human relationships.)

By delta dawn

June 21, 2007 2:57 PM | Link to this

@JJ: You’re a bad dog. Sit, stay and be quiet.

By Tina

June 21, 2007 3:28 PM | Link to this

Theresa:

How do we contact you about a question?

Tina

By FCM

June 21, 2007 4:15 PM | Link to this

TYSON chicken has announced that they are no longer purchasing chickens that have been fed antibotics…

Although not necessarily causal (wink to Jeff), to either the early onset of hormonal development or obesity..I would think that this first move to less synthetics in the food would be a good sign.

One other thing to know, the Food Industry is very serious about working toward more ‘natural’ products if we will buy them….VOTE your dollars at the grocery store. A well known beverage manuafacturer is currently working in Africa for Stevia to be used in its soda products. Many industries are looking to use Beta Carotene as food coloring over synthetic ones.

Watch the lables, as is often mentioned here….High Fructose Corn Syrup is dangerous…..my little people know that if it is on the lable then it is a ‘treat’ not a ‘staple.’

By nurse&mother

June 21, 2007 5:03 PM | Link to this

I feel compelled to share my story with others:) I was on birth control pills for many years and stopped before my 17 month old son was conceived. Once I started my cycles again (baby was 8 months old), they came back with a vengeance! They last 6-7 days and I feel as if I am hemorrhaging. I don’t think this can be normal. I recently called my OB-GYN and told him that I needed something to help me with the mood swings and the hemorrhaging. (the mood swings were so terrible, even I knew it was bad and uncontrollable.)

I just received my samples of pills and figured my husband would be elated. He said “Good. I don’t think it is normal for someone to bleed 3 out of 4 weeks”. I said “You mean you didn’t notice the mood swings?” He said, “I wasn’t even going to go there:).”

By fk

June 21, 2007 6:16 PM | Link to this

My son had been experiencing a serious attitude spurt for about two years now. He’s 16. I am patiently waiting for it to end. Since his dad is out of town, and he irritated me so much last night…ignoring requests to clean up his room and bathroom…I purposely got up late this morning, making him late for football workouts. Lateness in the coach’s eyes = extra workouts. He was too tired for any words afterwards. Maybe next time he’ll choose his target wisely.

By doobird

June 22, 2007 7:25 AM | Link to this

I have a 17-year-old son that I have been battling for 4+ years now. My only problem with him is his Mom. I set boundaries or guidelines for him and his mom helps him break them. She tells everyone he is bipolar like her. He uses that as an excuse for his actions … doing as he pleases, starting arguments that escalate into shouting matches and even threats of injury. I am 66 and she is 57 … yes we were 49 & 39 when he was born … not good! But my question is what can I do other than just walk out the door and not look back?

By BB

June 22, 2007 8:48 AM | Link to this

I am a late-in-life Mom who is perimenopausal, while my daughters are teens. I just talk to them a lot about their bodies & how the emotions are normal and natural. I say they need to “own it” and “channel it”. Know that this too will pass and it is just something to deal with. I say to pamper and take great care of their minds and bodies & allow the changes to happen … knowing that the next day or so will see improvements. We talk about everything. I act like it is no big deal so they do too.

By bb

June 22, 2007 8:56 AM | Link to this

To doobird:

Is your Son being treated medically for his bipolar condition? Is your wife? I say get that into place. And learn what you can about it.

Having a mental disorder is a REASON for behaviors. It is NOT an EXCUSE to justify them. Your Son needs to take responsibility for his actions. He is almost a legal adult. He will be required by law to behave, why should your home rules be any different?

A Mother’s love and sympathy is deep and true, never changing. Your Son needs that also. Give them room to be and grow with the pains… and instead of walking out the door for good, why don’t you just go fishing. Your family needs you. And that will never change.

By Concerned

June 22, 2007 9:26 AM | Link to this

Dear Doobird, If your son truly is bipolar then someone needs to address this issue very quickly, get him to a psychiatrist and counseling so he can get on medication. Bi-polar is nothing to be ashamed of, it is part of life just like cancer or any other medical problems. But at the same time if a bi-polar condition is left untreated it will turn into a very serious issue. Trust me I speak with experience. My wife is bi-polar and when she does not take her medication ir her medication is not balanced, she turns into a total nightmare, mentally immature and doing crazy stupid stuff that she would not do if her medication was working right. Not to mention left untreated can lead to suicide and many other bad things. Also if he really is bi-polar, then you need to read about it and research it really well. Their are 3 different kinds of bi-polar disorders. Good luck and God bless…Bi-polar is very serious and needs to be treated………

By JJ

June 22, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

Doobird Please, please, please do not turn your back on your son. You need to be there for HIM!!!

Too many fathers walk out of their kids lives. He needs you NOW whether he knows it or not. You need to be patient, and get him some help. He is your son, and your responsibility.

Imagine how he will feel when his father walks out on him at his age. Imagine the anger and the actions he may use to vent his anger. Let him know that you are there, that you love him UNCONDITIONALLY and that you will help him when he needs it. You can’t walk away from your responsibility to that child. You brought him into this world, and you simply cannot walk away from that. If you do, you will be the coward.

By Jeff

June 22, 2007 10:56 AM | Link to this

doobird:

The next time he threatens to injure you, calmly tell him that threatening ANYONE is NOT allowed, and proceed to call the cops. At 16, he CAN be charged as an adult under the Family Violence Act, and in most states said act includes threatening behavior in its definition of “family violence”.

By run doo bird run

June 22, 2007 11:04 AM | Link to this

run doo bird run, for the love of God, run. run like the wind, doo bird.

By George

June 22, 2007 1:10 PM | Link to this

Doobird - Only a coward would run away from his responsibility and/or problems. A real man would stay and do whatever necessary to help his child/family.

Walking out on your family will definately do more damage. Deserting your family is not the answer.

Be a man and own up and get your son some help. And you might want to get your wife some help too. She seems oblivious and makes excuses for his behavior. She has already given up. Be the MAN and take care of your family.

By standfirm

June 22, 2007 1:25 PM | Link to this

JJ, delta has it right on target! Why don’t you stop being the absentee parent that you are, making excuses for behavior, etc. and stand up to bad behavior? It is EXACTLY like teaching a dog good behavior. The fact that it is dogs and kids makes NO difference. You reinforce GOOD behavior and you discipline BAD behavior. We’ve gotten into all this MTV psychology and saps like you are buying it. Make NO excuses! You either do it or you don’t. The kids don’t have to come up with any excuses because YOU’RE MAKING THEM UP FOR THEM! Do you think the kids don’t see your loop holes? They’re smart enough to go to high school but not smart enough to learn good behavior? Truley, the inmates are running the asylem!

By standfirm

June 22, 2007 1:45 PM | Link to this

George, AMEN!

By momwhoshadenuff

June 22, 2007 1:52 PM | Link to this

TYPICALLY, the woman (mom) is the nurturer and the man (dad) is the disciplinarian. These roles overlap and change from situation to situation, but bottom line, somebody’s gotta make a stand and draw a line in the sand. You keep coming up with the “Oh, that’s too mean.” or “Oh,I could never do that to my child.” and they will run away with the farm. It’s human nature for a child to push and test their limits and it’s up to the rule of authority to draw a line in the sand and say “OK, here they are.” My husband and I had about a year and a half of all this “hormone unduced” bad behavior, heard all the excuses, etc, but when they finally realized we weren’t buying it, all of a sudden the bad behavior all but disappeared. Hate to say I told you so.

By JJ

June 22, 2007 2:02 PM | Link to this

Standfirm Excuse me, but where do you get off calling me an absentee parent? Where on earth did you get that impression? Most people on this blog know that I am a very involved parent in my child’s life. Just because I don’t agree with other posters that raising a kid is like raising a dog. WTH?????

You are passing judgement on me because of my opinion is different.

By delta dawn

June 22, 2007 3:21 PM | Link to this

AT JJ: Well deary, you passed judgement on me to WTH?? Sit and stay. You’re out of line

By delta dawn

June 22, 2007 3:34 PM | Link to this

At JJ: I wouldn’t say you were an absentee parent. I would say you were a helicopter parent.

By deidreNC

June 22, 2007 7:55 PM | Link to this

well..i went thru the change at the very same time my youngest daughter started—-i was just glad i only had to buy tampons for one insead of two lol—she wen thru stuff very early thank god and is now pretty much out of it—shes 15 and we get along fairly well for a teen daughter and mom…im just glad she didnt wait to be a horrible teen until she was 15 or 16…much harder to control thanks to our wonderful laws that give parents all the responsibilty and very litle auhority…that would be a great topic theresa