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May 2007
Respecting the water ban?
Rebellious moms busting the ban to keep their kids cool.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It’s a suburban mother’s rebel cry - We will let our kids run through sprinklers and fill up kiddy pools in the middle of the day despite water restrictions. We all know we’re not supposed to but it’s definitely being done.
We attended a kiddy pool party last week. We’d fill the little plastic pools and then when they got too muddy, we’d dump them out and fill them again. It was a corner house so I kept expecting cops to show up. I figured all the mommies would pitch in to help pay the fine if the owner got busted.
There was a discussion of which neighbor might rat the owner out. She said she witnessed the most likely candidate illegally watering their own yard, so she felt safe.
I was talking to another friend the other day who said they just bought one of those blow up water slides. I said, “Doesn’t your county have a watering ban?” He said “Screw that. You can tell by looking at my grass I don’t water. If I want to run a sprinkler for my kids I will.”
I think moms like using backyard pools and sprinklers in the middle of the day because they are easy, they are relatively safe compared to a deep, big pool, they are cheap and they can be done on the fly.
Are you cheating on the watering ban to let your kids play? Would you attend a sprinkler party when you know there is a ban on? Would you help pay a fine if the host got busted? Should families be able to trade out watering times — if I don’t water my grass today then the kids can use the sprinkler for an hour in the afternoon?
Permalink | Comments (149) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
How do you move with kids?
What’s the best way to pack up a family and accomplish a move?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
At some point in the future, I will have to pull off a move for a family of five, and I am overwhelmed by the prospect. Although we moved a bunch of times before it was always just the two of us and we always had his company footing the bill. His company would pay to have movers come in, pack everything properly and then move it all. When we finally move this next time, it will be us doing everything (except for maybe physically moving the big stuff like beds).
There’s got to be a method to the best way to pull off a move for a family. Since Atlanta is such a transient city, I figure many of you guys are experts on how to do this. Please tell us all your secrets.
What do you pack first? What is the best way to pack? How much stuff do you leave in the kitchen? How many toys do you leave for them to play with? How far ahead do you try to box things up? What are the unseen pitfalls? Are there any moving companies that you’ve had good experiences with?
Permalink | Comments (18) | Categories: Family Life
Playing the cheating game
Would you ever cheat on a board game? Against your own children? Is there one person in your family who always wins?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have never cheated on a test, my taxes or my husband, but if you sit me down across from my unobservant 6-year-old, I’m likely to take a few liberties with a board game.
I’m not sure if it’s because I am trying hasten the game along or because I hate to lose, but if my daughter is going to keep flashing me the clues she finds in Clue Jr., then I can’t ignore that information. I keep telling her “Stop showing me your pieces!” but she doesn’t seem to understand it’s hurting her game.
As a responsible adult, I will mark my clue sheet with a small X instead of big X to indicate to myself that it was stolen information. Sometimes, I’ll hold off making the big guess if I can see that most of my important intel came from her instead of me.
I have always been a terrible sport at board and card games. Often as kids we played Clue, Stop Thief, Monopoly, Parcheesi and our family’s all-time favorite card game, Rook.
My family was always much better at the games than me. My mom is fantastic at counting cards so she always rocked at Rook. My father is an entrepreneur at heart so he was always very aggressive in Monopoly. My brother somehow managed to be good at all of them —- he was a crack detective in Clue and loved to bid high to control trumps in Rook. He was also three years older than me, so maybe that had something to do with it.
Monopoly recently announced that it has developed a faster version of the game for time-pressed families. I thought those were just called kiddy games.
The Disney Princess edition of Monopoly Junior has a tiny rectangular board and is the only version I could ever get all the way through. Disney’s DVD trivia game called Scene It also has a board that can be collapsed for shorter play. For us, it has less to do with being pressed for time and more to do with short attention spans.
We recently played the Disney trivia game with my kids, my brother and my parents. I was teasing my older brother because he wasn’t answering any of the questions. He said “I was trying not to answer. I didn’t want to ruin your fun. I know what a terrible sport you are.”
He used to say stuff like that when we were kids too. That was it — game was ON! He came back strong, but the girls’ team did win in the end. Ha! (See, I’m not a good sport.)
But if I’m a bad loser, my husband is a terrible winner.
Michael never, ever, ever loses a board or card game. Before he met me, Michael used to vanquish his poor brother at games — who was six years his junior! He has never taken mercy on me either. In college, he would viciously beat me at Stratego, backgammon. Scrabble and especially gin rummy. He wouldn’t even attempt to teach me chess saying I wasn’t bright enough to pick it up.
The only game I have ever beaten Michael at is UNO and that’s purely because it’s a game of luck and not skill — unless you consider remembering to yell “uno” when you’re down to one card a skill.
But I am finally getting my revenge. Michael has found his match in the form of our 6-year-old daughter. She’s beaten him four times at Scrabble Junior. He’s never won against her - I absolutely adore it. I call my brother-in-law to celebrate when Michael loses to Rose.
My 4-year-old son and I like a lot of same games. We do well at Hungry Hungry Hippos. Hi Ho Cherry-O was a favorite until we lost most of the cherries and even the baskets.
Oddly, one of my son’s favorite games is “Pretty Pretty Princess” You move around the board collecting jewelry - earrings, bracelets, necklace, rings and a crown. And when you have on all your jewelry, then you’ve won.
I guess my son takes after me though — I keep catching him cheating.
Will you have summer study time?
Is it mean or necessary to keep kids practicing their reading and writing skills during the summer months?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Today is our second day of summer, and I’m planning to have a little study time later this afternoon. I am planning for my daughter to have three days a week where she will practice her penmanship, math skills and reading. My little guy will work during the same time on his fine motor skills. I’m going to have him trace over letters, work on dot-to-dots and practice his coloring skills. We’ll probably work for 30 minutes to an hour.
I want my daughter to learn to control her writing better and keep up the reading skills she developed this year. As for my son, now we know how important fine motor skills are in kindergarten, and we want to make sure he is prepared.
Do you plan to have any study time for your kids this summer? What are you going to do? How often and for how long? How do you plan to motivate them to do work during the summer months?
Scary or good: No more periods forever
A new pill can prevent regular periods indefinitely - oh yeah, but you might have surprise irregular bleeding.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The FDA has approved a new birth-control pill that will not only prevent pregnancies, but will halt your period indefinitely.
Lybrel manufactured by Wyeth, is the first designed to put off periods altogether when taken without a break. The pill uses low doses of two hormones, ethinyl estradiol and levonorgestrel, which are already widely used. The company plans to start selling the pill in July. There is no word on the price. Here’s the full story.
I have to say I am completely creeped out by this. I have taken regular birth control pills for a short time in the past and hated them. I’m not really down with anything controlling my body’s natural rhythms. But let’s look at the pluses and minuses:
According to the AP story, some positive attributes might be:
“A women’s health expert said Lybrel would be a welcome addition for the woman who seeks relief from the headaches, tender breasts, cramps and nausea that can accompany monthly periods. Whether Lybrel relieves those symptoms was not directly studied.”
” ‘Over time she will experience markedly less bleeding episodes or no bleeding episodes,’ said Dr. Vanessa Cullins, vice president for medical affairs at Planned Parenthood Federation of America Inc. ‘That is very beneficial for some women — and is wanted by some women.’ “
On the negative side:
“About half the women enrolled in studies of Lybrel dropped out, said Dr. Daniel Shames, a deputy director in the FDA’s drugs office. Many did so because of the irregular and unscheduled bleeding and spotting that can replace scheduled menstruation.”
” ‘Women who use Lybrel would not have a scheduled menstrual period, but will most likely have unplanned, breakthrough, unscheduled bleeding or spotting,’ Shames said. The bleeding can last four to five days and may persist for a year, he later added. Women who take other low-dose pills have reported similar issues.”
The bleeding may last four to five days — that’s how long a period lasts and at least you know when that is going to happen. So you’re going to carry pads around in your purse and hope in a business meeting that you don’t just start bleeding. It’s like being in middle school again before your cycle was regular. That doesn’t seem helpful.
“A study showed Lybrel was just as effective in preventing pregnancy as a traditional pill, Alesse, also made by Wyeth. However, since Lybrel users will eliminate their regular periods, it may be difficult for them to recognize if they have become pregnant, Shames said.”
Hmm, so you could possibly be pregnant and not know it. That doesn’t sound great either.
The story quotes University of New Hampshire sociologist Jean Elson as saying that for a small number of women who suffer extraordinarily during menstruation it could be helpful.
” ‘For women in that situation, I certainly can understand the benefits of taking these kinds of medications, but for most women menstruation is a normal life event — not a medical condition,’ said Elson, who researches the sociology of gender and medical sociology. ‘Why medicate away a normal life event if we’re not sure of the long-term effects?’ “
What do you think? Would you want to stop your periods indefinitely? Do you think it’s healthy? What do you see as the benefits or risks?
Permalink | Comments (37) | Categories: Health
Too young to spoil?
Can you hold a baby too often or show them too much attention?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I was holding my baby in a sling for most of church on Sunday and then after for about an hour during a baptismal celebration. A friend at the reception asked me if I was worried about spoiling the baby holding her so much. I told her I wasn’t and at this age I didn’t think you could spoil a baby. (However, I am getting a terrible case of baby elbow — kind of like tennis elbow — from carrying her so much.)
I recently asked at the pediatrician’s office what age a child could become spoiled. The nurses had different answers - one said three months, one four and one six months.
I actually don’t think I agree with any of them. I don’t think even at 6 months a baby’s cries would be out of want instead of need.
At what age can a child become spoiled? Do you think you can hold a baby too much or give a baby too much attention?
Will prenatal testing lead to only the perfect surviving?
Should all mothers be tested? Would society as a whole be hurt by disabled children being gradually eliminated through abortion?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Most people would agree that expectant mothers should have every opportunity to know how healthy their child is going to be. But what if an increase in using more accurate prenatal testing leads to an increase in abortions? What if parents begin selectively aborting babies based on traits such as disabilities?
That’s the debate that has been heating up since the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommended in January that a new safer, more accurate test for Down syndrome be given to all pregnant women.
The new screening involves a blood test and an ultrasound in the first trimester and doesn’t endanger the pregnancy. Older testing methods were only recommended for women older than 35. Some of the tests gave a high percentage of false positives (AFP test) and others could potentially cause the women to miscarry (amniocentesis).
Opponents of the recommendation worry that if parents do know and have the choice to abort, they will. A study in England found that approximately 90 percent of pregnant women who were told they had a Down baby did abort the child.
I had more intense testing than the average young woman with all my children, in part because of a genetic heart defect that runs in my family. Because of my personal beliefs, I would never have aborted any of my children even if they tested positive for a disability. However, I can empathize with women who have to make the difficult decision about giving birth to a child with special needs.
I don’t think this is a debate about abortion rights though. I think even pro-choice advocates have to wonder if using prenatal testing to determine abortions crosses the line from preventing disabilities to eugenics? Is it right to abort a child because they are not perfect?
Originally proposed in the late 1800s, eugenics was the study of methods to improve the quality of man by encouraging only the brightest or the strongest to reproduce. Over time, governments (such as the Nazi Germany, the U.S. and China) twisted the concept to prevent people with negative qualities, such as disabilities and diseases, from reproducing.
And now with increased technology, it has evolved again. Through genetic screening parents can choose to only allow the most perfect children to continue to develop and be born. But where does it end?
If you start aborting because a child has Down syndrome then what’s next — children with cerebral palsy? Children with heart problems? Children with cleft palates?
Should my brother have been aborted because he had a serious heart condition? He’s 38 now, with two beautiful healthy children of his own.
Each year, about 5,500 Down syndrome babies are born in America, according to the CDC. That’s about 1 out of every 800 births. Currently there are about 350,000 people living in the U.S. with Down syndrome, according to the National Down Syndrome Society. Families with Down children are concerned that if fewer Down babies are born there will be less medical research, less assistance programs and less acceptance of their children.
Some activists, many parents of Down syndrome children, are trying to reach out to pregnant women who might to choose to abort. They want to show these families how rich a Down syndrome child’s life can be. Some Down families are trying to get obstetricians to match them with pregnant women. Other families are trying to update medical literature, as well as inform doctors about how well Down children can do.
A Washington Post story called this “the abortion debate no one wants to have.” The article went on to say “The abortion debate is not just about a woman’s right to choose whether to have a baby; it’s also about a woman’s right to choose which baby she wants to have.”
Would you ever leave your kids alone?
Were the British parents whose child was kidnapped in Portugal neglectful or is it just a different culture?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Were the parents of the 4-year-old British girl stolen from her hotel room in Portugal negligent or was it reasonable for them to assume their child would be safe while they dined 50 yards away?
The McCanns left their 4-year-old daughter and their 2-year-old twins asleep in their hotel room while they dined at a poolside restaurant just seconds away. They say they checked on the children every half hour. Here’s the story.
And even as the search continues for the little girl, parents around the world are debating whether it’s OK to leave your children unattended and are discovering huge cultural difference across Europe and in the United States.
An Associated Press story reports that in Portugal and much of southern Europe parents often take their young children along with them to smoky bars. Many British and American parents object to kids being exposed to the smoke and loud music.
“In Spain, which is famously child-friendly, what the McCanns did is all but unheard of. Spanish parents take their kids everywhere, and it is common to see small children running around a town square while parents have drinks well into the night.
‘People just say, ‘Oh well, they’ll sleep late tomorrow,’’ said Ines Alberdi, a professor of sociology and family issues at Complutense University in Madrid.
Spaniards, she said, ‘do not totally separate children’s entertainment from parents’ entertainment. I think that is a very strong tradition here.’ ”
What do you think: Would you ever leave your children alone in a hotel room? What about on a cruise ship? What about in a family resort like Beaches? What about at home? What is an acceptable age to leave kids alone?
Permalink | Comments (68) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
What do you consider cheating?
Will lap dances, phone sex or getting cyberfreaky get you into trouble?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
While on my maternity leave, I ran across an interesting article in the April issue of GQ magazine about infidelity. The magazine conducted a poll of 504 sober American men (I like that they felt the need to point out they were sober.) to find out what they considered cheating. Here’s a sample of some of the results from the GQ article:
“25 percent said fantasizing regularly about another woman was cheating.
32 percent considered receiving a lap dance cheating.
53 percent said paying for phone sex was cheating.
55 percent said receiving a happy ending after a massage was cheating.
65 percent said getting cyberfreaky was cheating.
7 percent thought being wasted gave you a free pass (they weren’t responsible for their actions).
59 percent of men in a relationship cheated at least once.
61 percent said it was easier to cheat the second time around.”
Hey, and at least 96 percent of the men surveyed realized that hiring a prostitute is actually cheating. (Good for them!)
Some of the numbers seem OK until you look at the inverse: 45 percent think that “happy ending” is OK! 68 percent don’t think a lap dance is cheating! What??
What do you think qualifies as cheating? Do these results surprise you? What gray areas do you see?
Permalink | Comments (58) | Categories: Battles between Mom and Dad
Did you save your pregnancy test stick?
Mothers across the country are storing away urine-soaked mementos.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A recent New York Times story describes the phenomenon of women saving their positive pregnancy test sticks as a memento of this life-changing event. Here’s the story.
The article explains how it is unique to this generation because home testing is so widely used now. Our mothers had to go to the doctor’s office for their pregnancy tests.
I personally have every single one of my positive sticks — even when I retested out of disbelief. They are stuck in a little drawer underneath my vanity skirt. I can tell which one belongs to which baby by the brand. (I guess writing on it with a Sharpie would be easier.)
I kept mine because we did struggle to get pregnant. By the time it finally happened, I was so happy and incredulous that I wanted to keep the proof that I was really pregnant. It was a big deal to finally make that darn stick turn a color.
Have you kept all your positive pregnancy test sticks? Why did you keep them and where did you store them? Does your husband know you saved them?
Permalink | Comments (82) | Categories: Health
The perks of motherhood — count ‘em
It's a 24/7 job where you get thrown up on, clean up poop and never get a raise. What makes it all worthwhile for you?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
If someone handed you a job description that said: Must clean up human feces; get thrown up on; be on call 24/7; cook; clean; rarely get a thank you and never a raise, you probably wouldn’t take that job.
But, as I’m staring at my 2-month-old baby smiling at me from her lacy little bassinette I can tell you why women around the world are willing to accept the job of mother over and over again. So to celebrate Mother’s Day I present to you my Top 10 reasons why all the sleepless nights and tireless work of motherhood are worthwhile:
That squishy tummy - Poking up over the top of her No. 2 Pampers, I just love my daughter’s pudgy, soft baby tummy. I can’t help but kiss it, tickle it and of course blow on it. I think God gives babies tummies as our reward for changing diapers.
The fat rolls on arms and legs - Love those dimpled baby arms and thighs that tell me my baby is thriving.
Her fuzzy little head - My baby was born with a little bit of dark brown hair but quickly lost it. She looked like Alan Arkin for about a month. The hair has grown back and it looks and feels like velvet. I love to rub my chin and lips across her soft sprouting hair.
Her delight at seeing me - This baby knows her momma and she has since she was just a few days old. She turns her head when she hears my voice and when she finally finds me her eyebrows raise, her eyes sparkle and her smile lights her entire little face.
Being her rescuer - When my daughter is crying, she knows my face means I’m coming to help her. She will often stop crying just as soon as she sees me even if I haven’t fixed her problem yet. I love that she already trusts me so much and knows I’m going to take care of her.
Cuddling that warm little body - I am a co-sleeper and often drop off to sleep next to her when she’s nursing around 11 p.m. I love feeling her next to me all night long. She smells so sweet and is this warm perfect little bundle to cuddle. I know she’s safe, and if she wakes she knows I’m there for her.
Her funny little baby laugh - In the last few weeks she has not only started smiling at things we’re doing, she also has started this funny little laugh. She jerks her head back and opens her mouth really wide and makes a little noise. She does it when she is extra happy.
Her diaper butt - I have always loved, even when I was babysitting, a poufy, round diaper butt. I adore how all the padding from the diapers makes her bottom stick out. Every time I finish changing her, I have to pat that puffy bottom.
Her coos and oohs - She has started cooing at us and making all kinds of noises for us. When we ooh and aah at her, she makes the same noises back. I love her baby conversation. I’ll ask her what she thought about something or I’ll ask her to tell me about her day and she smiles and answers with oohs and aahs.
The way she melts against me - My all-time favorite things is how she calms and relaxes as soon as I put her in the sling and tighten it up pulling her against my chest. Within seconds she stops crying and completely calms. You can feel her body literally collapse and melt in relaxation. Generally, within minutes she’ll fall asleep.
Honoring mothers the world over
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
As just about everyone in the world knows by now, Sunday is Mother’s Day. My husband and children are working on a surprise that will take them out of the house for an undetermined amount of time on Saturday. This means I get the best of both worlds this year - a nice day with family and friends on Sunday and much-needed quiet time all by myself on Saturday.
Like most moms, I don’t know what I will do with all of that alone time. I might actually sit uninterrupted through a cup of tea without it going cold. But I am sure I will take some time this weekend to remind myself just how lucky I am to have three smart, kind-hearted and crazy kids in my life. I will also remember how lucky we all are to be mothers in this country.
In a recent report card by the Save the Children organization, the U.S. tied with Hungary at 26 out of 140 countries as the best places to be a mother or child. Sweden, Iceland and Norway took the top three spots, while Yemen, Sierra Leone and Niger rounded out the bottom of the list. The report examined mothers’ access to health care, including prenatal and labor and delivery care. It also studied child mortality rates, as well as parent and child access to education, government and clean water.
With those factors in mind, I doubt parents of any political leaning would argue that this country is a bad place to be a mother. It may not be the absolute best, according to the report, but it far outshines the worst on the list.
It’s easy to get caught up in the minutiae of our every day lives with our kids in our neck of the woods, but this weekend, I will remind myself that things could be a lot worse - and they are for millions of moms throughout the world.
What your plans for Mother’s Day? What are your favorite memories of your children through the years?
Permalink | Comments (21) | Categories: Family Life
Preparing for parenthood
Are some careers better than others?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Prior to having my siblings and me, my mother was a pediatric nurse. Day in and day out in the mid-1960s, she helped treat sick children and reassure their frightened or confused parents. You might naturally think that her job prepared her for the uncertainties of parenthood better than any other. You would, however, be wrong.
Instead of being a calming force, the knowledge she gained in nursing school and from years of work only proved to scare her all the more when she held her own children in her arms. We weren’t a sickly lot, but my mother had us in the doctor’s office at the first sign of a sniffle. Our ailments were usually just symptoms of a cold, but she knew they could also be the signs of a rare, degenerative disease found only in populations of people living in the Himalayas. We called my pediatrician by his first name (Dr. Harry), and the nurses on staff greeted us like we were Norm walking into the Cheers bar.
With a degree in political science and a career in politics, I had no idea of the ills that could hurt my children when we started our family (other than the opposition party’s policies), and I vowed not take them to the doctor at the drop of a pin. I threw that vow out the window a few weeks after my oldest was born but have now learned to trust my instincts on whether a trip to the pediatrician is in order.
Some people do bring useful life experience to the table when they become parents. One of my friends worked with autistic children before she became pregnant herself. Years later, her oldest child was diagnosed with autism. Her former career didn’t soften the blow of her son’s diagnosis, but over the years, her work experience has proved very helpful. However, the truth is, no matter what our backgrounds, we’re all novices when we hold our first babies.
Did your career prepare you for parenthood? Did you feel your parental instincts kick-in at your baby’s birth, or did they develop over time? What would be the ideal job to prepare people for parenthood?
Permalink | Comments (16) | Categories: Family Life
Coping with immunization anxiety
How do your kids handle getting shots?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
As parents, we have all done it. We have told our little campers to buck up and let the nice nurse or doctor jab that needle in their arm. Adults can easily reason that a small pinch of pain at the injection site is nothing compared to say, the pain of mumps, the debilitating nature of polio or the itching and scarring of chicken pox.
But if your kids are like mine, reason takes a holiday when a needle is brought into the room. My daughters would honestly rather take their chances with every childhood disease at once than sit calmly through a round of immunizations. And the annual flu shot? Forget about it. The girls get the flu shot - but not without a massive struggle. We have had teams of nurses in the room to help me hold one of our daughters down. Meanwhile, the other two wedge themselves into corners of the room.
We have discussed the need for immunizations many times, tried to mentally prepare them for the shots, promised ice cream afterward - all to no avail. So when I come across an article like this one on how to cope with immunization anxiety, I read it very closely. Distracting your children from the needle and not acting too apologetic or reassuring are the keys to helping your children overcome irrational anxiety of shots, the article says. I learned long ago the value of distraction, but I probably do come across as way too reassuring.
Just recently, we took our school-aged children to get the chicken pox booster that will be required before they return to school in the fall. Many Georgia parents will be doing the same in the coming months and can put these recommendations to the test.
How do your kids handle their shots? What tips and tricks can you offer parents whose children have an irrational fear of the immunization needle?
Permalink | Comments (42) | Categories: Health
Are you an uptight Mom?
Finding the balance between letting kids experiment and allowing a free-for-all
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I don’t want to be an uptight mom who freaks out when her kids sprinkle dirt on the dog and pretend it’s fairy dust. I don’t want to care if the finger paint all of a sudden becomes face paint. I don’t want to be so controlling that my kids can’t have fun and explore. But, I’m struggling to figure out when “unstructured” becomes “permissive”.
I have always wanted be a Montessori-style mom like a woman I used to babysit for. She would let her children probe the world around them and didn’t seem to get upset when that resulted in dirty hands, dirty clothes or dirty floors.
One time when I was playing with the baby, the older child got out his mother’s full bottle of dish soap and had a ball squirting it all out on their deck. When his mother got home I apologized profusely. She looked at her son and without even a hint of sarcasm asked him what he learned. Instead of getting angry at the waste, she turned it into a discussion about bubble viscosity. I always remembered the way this mom handled the situation and swore I would be like her. However, I’m finding that this goes against some of my hard wiring.
Literally every single day I go through the same mental debate: Should I let them waste (fill in an item)? Should I stop them? Should I help them make their experiment successful or just let them see what happens?
My husband doesn’t have any such mental anguish. His immediate reaction is to shut down any messy activity. When he comes upon the kids playing, he says they tense up their shoulders preparing for him to yell at them to stop whatever mischief they’re up to. He says they seem surprised when he occasionally lets them continue. He knows that such extreme limitations aren’t good, and it may be why I try to give them “creative” outlets when he’s not around.
Lately in the kitchen, my 6-year-old and soon-to-be 4-year-old have been creating their own recipes. They get out a giant plastic bowl and raid the pantry and refrigerator to gather their ingredients. They like to combine their favorite foods - such as a grapes, strawberry applesauce, grapefruit juice and instant oatmeal. Sometimes peanut butter is mushed in - usually with their hands instead of a spoon. Other times a cookie is crumbled on top as the coup de grace. Their creations never form a cohesive product and never get eaten.
I guess I should be happy that they have internalized some of the cooking concepts we have worked on together, but I sit there and wonder “is this how Rachael Ray got started or are they just wasting food and making a mess?”
Out back, my daughter loves to dig in my container garden that currently is all dirt and no plants. She uses a wooden stick to stir soil in a large plastic pot much like a giant witch’s brew. She adds ashes from the catch bin on the bottom of the grill and water from the hose. Did I mention this is extremely messy?
On the one hand I am sure it’s relaxing and fun for her to dig in the dirt. She’s using her imagination turning the dirt into all types of creations. But it just makes me nuts watching her wipe her filthy hands on her pants, shirt, arms and face.
The garage presents other quandaries. For example, each summer, I buy the giant container of bubble mixture for all our bubble-blowing needs. The kids will start out pouring the mixture into the flat bubble pan to be used in a normal bubble-making manner. However within 30 minutes, they have moved from bubble blowing ontto side-walk painting and ice skating with the bubble mixture. Again I sit in my lawn chair and try to decide are they being wasteful because they are not using the $4 container of bubbles in the intended way or is it their container of bubbles that they should be able to use however they choose?
I’m still trying to find a balance between exploration and a free-for-all. I am generally taking it on a case-by-case basis, but I think that just may confuse them as to what is acceptable behavior.
Are you an uptight mom? How do you differentiate between experimentation and mess making? What is your limit? Log onto ajc.com/momania to discuss your uptight ways.
Are you an uptight Mom?
Finding balance between letting kids experiment and allowing free-for-all
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I don’t want to be an uptight mom who freaks out when her kids sprinkle dirt on the dog and pretend it’s fairy dust. I don’t want to care if the finger paint all of a sudden becomes face paint. I don’t want to be so controlling that my kids can’t have fun and explore. But, I’m struggling to figure out when “unstructured” becomes “permissive”.
I have always wanted be a Montessori-style mom like a woman I used to babysit for. She would let her children probe the world around them and didn’t seem to get upset when that resulted in dirty hands, dirty clothes or dirty floors.
One time when I was playing with the baby, the older child got out his mother’s full bottle of dish soap and had a ball squirting it all out on their deck. When his mother got home I apologized profusely. She looked at her son and without even a hint of sarcasm asked him what he learned. Instead of getting angry at the waste, she turned it into a discussion about bubble viscosity. I always remembered the way this mom handled the situation and swore I would be like her. However, I’m finding that this goes against some of my hard wiring.
Literally every single day I go through the same mental debate: Should I let them waste (fill in an item)? Should I stop them? Should I help them make their experiment successful or just let them see what happens?
My husband doesn’t have any such mental anguish. His immediate reaction is to shut down any messy activity. When he comes upon the kids playing, he says they tense up their shoulders preparing for him to yell at them to stop whatever mischief they’re up to. He says they seem surprised when he occasionally lets them continue. He knows that such extreme limitations aren’t good, and it may be why I try to give them “creative” outlets when he’s not around.
Lately in the kitchen, my 6-year-old and soon-to-be 4-year-old have been creating their own recipes. They get out a giant plastic bowl and raid the pantry and refrigerator to gather their ingredients. They like to combine their favorite foods - such as a grapes, strawberry applesauce, grapefruit juice and instant oatmeal. Sometimes peanut butter is mushed in - usually with their hands instead of a spoon. Other times a cookie is crumbled on top as the coup de grace. Their creations never form a cohesive product and never get eaten.
I guess I should be happy that they have internalized some of the cooking concepts we have worked on together, but I sit there and wonder “is this how Rachael Ray got started or are they just wasting food and making a mess?”
Out back, my daughter loves to dig in my container garden that currently is all dirt and no plants. She uses a wooden stick to stir soil in a large plastic pot much like a giant witch’s brew. She adds ashes from the catch bin on the bottom of the grill and water from the hose. Did I mention this is extremely messy?
On the one hand I am sure it’s relaxing and fun for her to dig in the dirt. She’s using her imagination turning the dirt into all types of creations. But it just makes me nuts watching her wipe her filthy hands on her pants, shirt, arms and face.
The garage presents other quandaries. For example, each summer, I buy the giant container of bubble mixture for all our bubble-blowing needs. The kids will start out pouring the mixture into the flat bubble pan to be used in a normal bubble-making manner. However within 30 minutes, they have moved from bubble blowing ontto side-walk painting and ice skating with the bubble mixture. Again I sit in my lawn chair and try to decide are they being wasteful because they are not using the $4 container of bubbles in the intended way or is it their container of bubbles that they should be able to use however they choose?
I’m still trying to find a balance between exploration and a free-for-all. I am generally taking it on a case-by-case basis, but I think that just may confuse them as to what is acceptable behavior.
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Talking about death with your kids
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
All children, at some point or another, come to understand the finality of human mortality. It can happen earlier for those who experience a personal loss, but in general, the idea that death is forever thing occurs in children between the ages of six and nine .
I didn’t experience a personal loss until I was about 11 years old, but I remember exactly when I realized death was serious stuff. I was 8 years old, and the movie “The Day After” was being hyped on television. My parents didn’t think the movie was appropriate for us to watch, but the commercials were played over and over. Images of a mushroom cloud and a panicked public were etched into my mind. I was terrified. For the first time, I fully realized that death could be violent, massive and strike at any age.
By the time I was a teenager, of course, the pendulum had swung the other way - and I was once again, “invincible”. But it took quite a while and a lot of worry for me to stop examining every cloud for a mushroom shape.
Children today are caught in a never-ending death-hype loop. Our 24-hour news cycle splashes the faces of terrorists and violent acts. Politicians and celebrities constantly warn that global warming is going to bring about the deaths of millions worldwide. And destruction from natural disasters, like hurricanes or tsunamis, is replayed every where you turn. Given my reaction to one little mini-series in the 1980s, I would probably be certifiably insane if I was a kid growing up today.
When my oldest child was 8 years old, she attended her first two funerals. Death hit her like a Mack truck. We have had many conversations in the past year where we try to put these kinds of events into perspective. I have to admit, it can be hard when the list of new and more frightening issues seems to grow before our children’s eyes.
How have you discussed death with your children? Was there a particular age at which they became particularly curious or scared of it? How do you discuss potentially scary world events - natural or political - with them?
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Mommy, my tooth hurts
The growing problem of preschool tooth decay
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Aside from picking a toy prize at the end of each visit, my strongest dental office memories as a kid involved a green mask being placed over my nose. While it has been decades since I have had a cavity, I did have a couple as a child. The gas from the green mask sent me so far into laa-laa land that I never noticed my dentist jabbing that huge needle of novacaine in my mouth.
Fortunately, my own children know nothing of the green mask or what it’s like to have a cavity. But according to a recent study , more and more preschoolers are experiencing the pain of tooth decay on their little baby teeth. Older children and adults are having fewer cavities than in the past, but the number of preschoolers with dental problems is actually increasing.
Too much sugar and too little flouridated water are the main culprits, though the Centers for Disesase Control suggests parents may need to do a better job of helping their youngsters brush their teeth.
So what’s the big deal if they are baby teeth? While they’re destined to fall out, extreme tooth decay can be dangerous and losing a baby tooth too soon may result in all of the teeth becoming too crowded when the adult tooth does emerge.
Some dentists suggest bringing kids in for a check-up as early as one year old; some suggest plastic sealants once permanent teeth arive. My kids have the dental sealants and brush regularly, but they were all two-and-a-half years old before I took them to the dentist. So far, so good.
Have your kids ever had cavities? How did you prepare them for getting their teeth filled? When did you begin taking your kids to the dentist?
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Wading back into the summer camp waters
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A few years ago, when my third child was a newborn and I was desperate for a slower-paced summer, I didn’t do it. I didn’t sign my kids up for any summer camps - not the sleep-aways, for which my children were still too young; not the day camps; not even the morning mini-camps put on by our local parks and rec department.
I may have been the only mom north of the fall line who did not send my children to at least one summer “camp” that year, but I don’t regret it. In previous summers, I would sign up my oldest for a couple of sports mini-camps. My youngest would attend a little princess camp, where she played dress up, danced in her ballet slippers and had tea with like-minded preschoolers on summer holiday.
As fun as those camps were, my kids didn’t seem to miss them the year I took a vow of summer simplicity. We kicked around the backyard with the slip-and-slide, went to the pool, traveled to the beach at the last minute and, in general, did whatever else we wanted. Yes, we endured moments of boredom that summer - but we didn’t endure stress. Which was the whole point.
Still, every spring, I have felt the call to sign up the kids for camp. It’s parental peer pressure. Everybody else is doing it, so why aren’t you? So after three camp-free years, I was sure this year would be the year we wade back into the waters of a scheduled summer. My oldest is now at an age where sleep-away camp would be a good experience, and my younger two would probably enjoy a little art, sport or dress-up time with their friends.
However, May has crept up on me. With only a few school weeks left to go, most parents have their summer activities - vacation and camps - planned. Not me. I’m just not that organized or forward-thinking. I’m heading down to the parks and rec department today to see if any of the programs my kids are interested in are still available, but I’m not optimistic. Maybe next year.
What about you? Are your kids in camp this summer? Do you feel stressed over the whole thing? What are the best camps you have experienced? When did your kids start going to sleep-away camps?
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