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DEL.ICIO.USPreparing for parenthood
Are some careers better than others?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Prior to having my siblings and me, my mother was a pediatric nurse. Day in and day out in the mid-1960s, she helped treat sick children and reassure their frightened or confused parents. You might naturally think that her job prepared her for the uncertainties of parenthood better than any other. You would, however, be wrong.
Instead of being a calming force, the knowledge she gained in nursing school and from years of work only proved to scare her all the more when she held her own children in her arms. We weren’t a sickly lot, but my mother had us in the doctor’s office at the first sign of a sniffle. Our ailments were usually just symptoms of a cold, but she knew they could also be the signs of a rare, degenerative disease found only in populations of people living in the Himalayas. We called my pediatrician by his first name (Dr. Harry), and the nurses on staff greeted us like we were Norm walking into the Cheers bar.
With a degree in political science and a career in politics, I had no idea of the ills that could hurt my children when we started our family (other than the opposition party’s policies), and I vowed not take them to the doctor at the drop of a pin. I threw that vow out the window a few weeks after my oldest was born but have now learned to trust my instincts on whether a trip to the pediatrician is in order.
Some people do bring useful life experience to the table when they become parents. One of my friends worked with autistic children before she became pregnant herself. Years later, her oldest child was diagnosed with autism. Her former career didn’t soften the blow of her son’s diagnosis, but over the years, her work experience has proved very helpful. However, the truth is, no matter what our backgrounds, we’re all novices when we hold our first babies.
Did your career prepare you for parenthood? Did you feel your parental instincts kick-in at your baby’s birth, or did they develop over time? What would be the ideal job to prepare people for parenthood?
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By LM
May 9, 2007 9:24 AM | Link to this
I have a dear friend who had wanted children, many years passed while she watched our friends have babies and she could not. Finally after 17 years of marriage she became pregnant.
During all those years of waiting she was working in child development and teaching.
We were out at the mall, she was several months along, not close to being due, when a child in a store threw a fit. Not just a fit, the monster of fits, screaming, flinging himself into the walls, knocking things off shelves. The parents picked him up and walked out of the store, all the time apologizing.
To my disbelief, my friend made the comment “my son will never act like that” and “since I am a teacher I know how to make him behave”.
Fast forward 4 years. They have the son who is acting up in public. When daddy is home she will not discipline her son, she threatens him with his father. It has gotten so bad when we go out I finally got tired of his antics and took him to the bathroom for some much needed discipline. Now when we are out she will threaten whim with “aunt laura”.
So no, I don’t think any job can prepare you for being a parent.
By Stacey
May 9, 2007 10:38 AM | Link to this
While my career didn’t prepare me for motherhood, being from a large family did (to an extent). I have 20 nieces and nephews who are older than my son and I had the “privilege” of spending my weekends and summers baby sitting them. You name, I’ve seen it with that brood! (LOL)
Still, all kids bring a unique set of circumstances and just when you know you’ve seen it all, one comes along with something new. I pull from my experiences with babysitting, “consider” the advise from friends and family, and go from there. Some things for me are instinct but most involve trial and error & learning as I go along. Rarely a day passes that I don’t do something that I would NEVER do as a parent.
By Jesse's Girl
May 9, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this
My career has indeed prepared me for the almost-grown end of parenthood. I see KIDS at events I put together that have absolutely no business being there. I always think “What lie did you tell your parents to get here?” Or worse yet….maybe they know and just don’t care! But to answer your question, yes, I did feel my maternal instincts kick in as soon as she was born. Granted, those instincts were on steroids with the birth of the first! But like so many moms….the more children you have, the more relaxed you become. I no longer find myself fretting so much about the things I cannot change. I do however fantasize about knocking on the door of the kid who was mean to my child and spanking them!
By Paula
May 9, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this
Some of the worst behaved children I’ve met have been those of pediatricians, teachers and folks who waited a LONG time to have kids while bragging about how their kids will be when they are born. A child of a pediatrician almost destroyed my home during a two hour visit. His mom and dad sat around looking dumbfounded.
My kids are fairly behaved, but we get a temper tantrum at least once a week right now. I’ve definitely become more patient with my second child and did not go to the doctor for every sniffle. I DO know a mother that runs to the doctor for EVERYTHING. All of her kids are sick all the time, but I wonder if it is because she makes them sick with her panic over EVERYTHING. It’s so frustrating to hear her talk about her weekly doctor visits.
By Brian
May 9, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this
Nothing can prepare you for parenthood—NOTHING. Altohugh, Happiest Baby on the block helped. I have learned in my first 15 months of parenthood:
By MommyToo
May 9, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this
I worked in a daycare before I had my first while in college. No, I wasn’t prepared at all. While I knew how to discipline a group of kids, having one at home was totally different. Honestly, my daughter didn’t become difficult until she was 11, but my son, who is 4 years younger, well, in the words of his 1st grade teacher, is all boy! He can be a handful, which is an understatement. His ADHD doesn’t help either. But, I wouldn’t give him up for anything. He teaches me patience and makes me laugh every day.
Nothing prepared me for my daughter’s hyper-sensitivity or my son’s overactivity. Nothing. And I learned a long time ago, never say what your child will or won’t do. Trust me, they will do it one day in spite of all of your discipline!!!
By Lynette
May 9, 2007 12:17 PM | Link to this
Well I had my first at 20. So far I have done everything I vowed never to do. LOL. By the time I had the youngest I just vowed to love her the best I could and so far I am making good on that.
By Fulton County Mom
May 9, 2007 1:12 PM | Link to this
Sure something can prepare you for parenthood….your 1st child! Then number 2 comes along and you get to learn all over again! I would imagine this occurs for subsequent births, blending of families etc as well.
Think about all the things being a parent has prepared you for:
Last Minute Deadlines Handling Yourself Under Duress/Embarassment McGuyver like Improv Ablity to Complete Tasks while Comotose Handling a Meltdown/Crisis on less sleep Flexiblity
Parenthood better prepares people to deal with the world….Nothing prepares you for parenthood before the child arrives.
By nurse&mother
May 9, 2007 1:13 PM | Link to this
I don’t think that there is anything that can truly prepare someone for parenthood. I think it makes it a little easier if you are around young children. Nothing can prepare you for those sleepless nights when you are worring about your son’s fever or your daughter has vomited so much she has nothing left to vomit, but continues to heave every five minutes. You can’t fathom how special it will be when your baby gives you his first smile or blows you a kiss. It is a wonderful feeling to know that YOU are the one he wants to hold him above all others ( at least for the moment).
Parenthood is the most challenging as well as the most rewarding thing that I have ever done in my life. I will admit that parenting for me has gotten better over the last few years. I am a lot more laid back. That said, my husband and I are not push over parents. We are still the parents. We definitely discipline our children ( not so much discipline with the 15 mo old, besides tiny slaps on hand and pointing the finger and saying “no”). We try to teach values to them. We expect our 9 yo to respect us (the 15 mo old will learn this with time).
Keith, sometimes we nurses can let our knowledge (and possibly a little fear) rule over common sense. As my children get older, I don’t get so worked up over viruses anymore.
By Opinionated
May 9, 2007 1:23 PM | Link to this
I don’t think a job or even babysitting (you can give them back to their parents - you don’t have to deal with them 24/7/365) can truly prepare you for parenthood. You have to learn from actually having a kid and listening to the advice from others you respect who have well-behaved kids.
I agree with several of the other posters who said “NEVER say my kid will NEVER do that”. It WILL come back to bite you in the butt. However, you should think about how you will handle such situations if your kid DOES do that. Some kids will; some won’t. But, you need to be prepared for it IF and WHEN it does happen.
Kids do better when they have boundaries and know what’ll happen (i.e. consequences) when (notice I said “when” not “if”) they cross over those boundaries. They will always test the boundaries to see if their parents are paying attention! And to see if their parents are going to do what they said they would do. Parents have to say what they are going to do and do what they say - they also have to be consistent.
By fer
May 9, 2007 1:24 PM | Link to this
I am the oldest of 3. I have 10 first cousins, all younger than I am. I babysat all around the neighborhood for years. I had 2 degrees in education and had taught elementary school for 4 years when I had my first child. NONE of this prepared me for parenthood! It hit me like a wrecking ball.
After a few months, I got it all straightened out, and it was the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. But, wow, I look back at those first few months and wonder how we survived. :)
By Carter
May 9, 2007 1:30 PM | Link to this
No matter how well prepared you may think you are or what your choice of career may be, there is always the chance for an earth shaking surprise that totally blindsides you. My children are all in their thirties now, I hope the major surprises are over now but there’s always the chance for more. I’m pretty sure if there were do overs,I could do a better job next time.My oldest son flies for a major airline my daughter is an attorney involved with childrens issues and my youngest son is an inmate, so I’m pretty well up to date on surprises.
By rissa's mom
May 9, 2007 2:03 PM | Link to this
i am now a mother to a six year old girl. i laughed when i saw today’s topic because only people wih no kid(s) say, “i’m not going to let my child do that…” As a parent you try your best and sometimes it is dictated by the kind of child you have. i babysat all through college - children of various ages and had godchildren. but nothing prepared me for parenthood like having one of your very own which will make you worry, cry and laugh! despite everything, my heart melts everytime she tells me she love me!
By Jesse's Girl
May 9, 2007 3:25 PM | Link to this
I think there is a distinct difference in saying “I won’t let my child do that” vs “My child would never do that!” There is plenty I will not ALLOW my children to do…whether in actions or their attitude. But that doesn’t mean they don’t try. I have no guarantee one of them won’t ever see the inside of a jail cell for something stupid they do as a young adult. But, I promise you they know that sassing me and having a horrible attitude for no good reason is out of the question!
I actually was ready for motherhood…I didn’t feel blind-sided at all. If anything took me by surprise, it would have been the sleep deprivation. But the actual day to dayness of having a child wasn’t overwhelming. Maybe not for some…but for me, being the oldest of my immediate siblings and middle to my step siblings helped me so much.
By Lynette
May 9, 2007 4:36 PM | Link to this
There is nothing to prepare one for Colic, and the sleep deprivation that goes with having a baby in the house.
You also cannot imagine how a two or three year old child can disrupt your world until you actually live with one or two if you are really lucky. Ah the memories. LOL
By mom3boys
May 10, 2007 6:26 AM | Link to this
Nothing can prepare you for the depth of feeling you will have for this being you carried. There is no greater love for another human being. Conversely, there is no greater sorrow when they rip your heart out and stomp it flat as teenagers! I was not prepared for the myriad of emotions that came with motherhood. It’s the greatest job ever!