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DEL.ICIO.USCan you maintain family balance and go back to school?
Will you go back to school or change careers as your kids grow more independent?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
As the mother of three children under 10 years old, it is sometimes difficult to imagine what my life was like before they arrived on the scene. For years, my job has been caring for and raising the kids. So every time my three-year-old reaches a milestone, I run the emotional gamut from sadness to elation.
With each step she takes toward independence, we move away from those sweet (and not-so-sweet) stages when our babies relied completely upon us. Bittersweet as that is, her move out of diapers and the Terrible Twos also lets our family do many things that were unthinkable even a year ago.
Perhaps the most exciting thing to me personally is the opportunity that lies ahead when my youngest goes off to Kindergarten. I’m not rushing the kids out the door by any means, but my children’s growing independence gives me a little more freedom as well.
A few of our regular commenters have written that they went back to school when their children grew older. I have always said I would return to graduate school. The everyday madness of our household, however, keeps me from doing little more than occasionally touching base with former professors or wondering how to juggle yet another ball without something falling by the wayside.
I know it can be done. For years, mothers have figured out ways to enjoy their careers and their children, start their own businesses, or go back to school. Maybe the university will offer a crash course in advanced juggling.
Have you gone back to school after having children? Have you changed careers, started your own business or otherwise altered the established family balance? How did everyone adjust to your new role and extra demands? Any advice or words of warning to those parents thinking of making such a move?
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By past50mom
April 17, 2007 8:11 AM | Link to this
As most readers here know I was a SAHM for ten years, and went back to school part time when my youngest went to kindergarten, and my girls were in 1st and 5th grades. It took me four years and I had a combo of day and night classes, so I was still at home for the kids after school 3 out of 5 days. It was rough but liberating. I had been a volunteeraholic, and gave up all volunteering, so that was a big chunk of time that was now devoted to school. I still had my part-time job, 15 hours a week. My husband was the rock that grounded the family while I was in school. He came home from work early enough on the days I had evening classes to do the kid things. My oldest was in fifth grade at the start and she learned a lot of independence and to cook dinner and wash her own clothes. Second daughter also began learning more responsibility in the home. It was harder on my youngest, my son, and that made me cry, which I posted previously. But we all came through it OK. You have to be focused and organized and determined to see it through or it could all blow up in your face. Having a very supportive and involved husband and father was the key for our success.
By Teacher's Kid
April 17, 2007 8:13 AM | Link to this
My mom went back to school for her M.Ed. back in 1978 and it took her 8 years going part time, working full-time and raising two kids on her own, but my brother and I were so proud of her when she walked across the gym at Georgia State to get hooded and receive her diploma, and yelled, “YAY, MOM!” For any parent who wants to go back to school, GO FOR IT! There are so many options now with on-line programs that allow you to learn from home and so many area colleges have satellite campuses in the Atlanta area so you don’t have to spend too much time away from family. One thing I would recommend is to set up a designated “study time” and location where it is understood that you are not to be disturbed. Mom would take us out to Stone Mountain park where we could play on the playground and she could study. When we saw her start reading, it was understood that we were not to disturb Mom unless we were bleeding and/or had a broken bone. It can also be a great opportunity to share a love of learning with your children. Mom introduced us to classical music and opera by playing cassette tapes of music that she had to listen to for her music appreciation classes, introducing us to the Bugs Bunny opera cartoons parodying “The Barber of Seville” and “Die Walkure”, and of course the Disney classic “Toot, Whistle, Plunk, and Boom”. As a result, my brother and I became interested in different types of music (although I STILL picture Bugs Bunny as Brunhilda!). Food for thought.
By mom4
April 17, 2007 8:20 AM | Link to this
I am a mother of 4 kids 11,9,5 & 5 and I’m currently in school to finish my undergrad (I got pregnant during the middle of my JR yr). I don’t work but with four kids and their activities, housework, and a husband that works at least 10-12hrs a day it is very hard sometimes. However, I need to do this for me. I have been a stay at home mom for many yrs and while I love being there for my kids after the twins started K I knew it was time for me to start doing things for myself. The hardest part is balancing everything and trying to keep up with kids half your age in my class and new technology but I have learned alot since I returned not just from school but about myself and how well I can handle things under pressure and get my work done. The only problem I have is that I wish that my school was more flexible for older adults especially moms. The day I graduate from school will be the happiest day of my life, well expect when my kids were born and I married my husband!
By Still standing
April 17, 2007 10:14 AM | Link to this
As of May I will have completed the second year of my three-year, full-time day course curriculum at a Georgia Law school. There are no part-time courses available. I also have two elementary school aged children, and I am over 40 years old. After being a work-at-home mom for nearly 7 years, it was difficult to begin school at first. The students are much younger than me. I missed the freedom of being able to pop in at my kids’ school and volunteer when I wanted to, as the kids and I are pretty much attending classes during the same time periods. The kids also missed that. However, they see the effort I must expend to stay in school, and it motivates them to do their best in class as well. I have managed with the help of a supportive spouse. My children have become more independent, which is a good thing. I am lucky. One of my childhood friends completed college last year as a single mom while working and supporting three children. I also have another friend my age who gave birth to two children while completing her legal studies. People must make the choices that work best for themselves and their families, and there is no single answer that is right for everyone.
By VSU MLIS '06
April 17, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this
I finished my undergrad while working full-time and successfully raising a toddler. I finished my MLIS while working full-time and raising a teenager. It can be done! Now, if someone would give me a job…
By RJ
April 17, 2007 11:47 AM | Link to this
When my son was 18 months old and my daughter was 5, I went back to school to get my master’s degree. At the time I was a teacher, so I started teaching part-time in a local private school instead of full-time teaching in public. It was hard, but I finished and went back to teaching full time. It can definitely be done. Of course, having a wonderful, supportive husband and great extended family.
By TheOne
April 17, 2007 12:07 PM | Link to this
Now that my child is a teen, and I’m finally with a company that will pay for school, I have decided to go back for some “diplomas” and “certifications”. As a matter of fact, my first class started last week. For convenience, I’m taking the online classes, and so far it’s going well. My biggest issues with going back have always been time (I’m a single parent) and money. For me, taking out a loan to pay for school was not an option…..just creating yet another bill to pay. So now I feel like I’m finally in a good place to get some things accomplished.
By Kat
April 17, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this
Yes, it can be done! I went back to school when my girls were 4 & 9. I worked full time and took evening classes part time for a little over two years. Yes, it was hard, and it was really only possible because my husband is self-employed and cut back to part-time so he could look after our kids. But is was sooo worth it! I made a point of taking each girl to the campus with me a few times, sometimes just to run an errand, other times I had a compassionate prof. who would let them sit in on a class. that way they had a concrete idea of where I was and what I was doing when I was at school. Because it was a master’s program and most of the students were older, they professors were actually very understanding about work/family/school conflicts. One professor even let me reschedule a final exam so I could attend my daughter’s preschool Christmas program. In the short term it was hard. Honestly, much of those two years is a blur. But in the long term, it was worth it. Besides the much higher salary I could command with a master’s degree, my girls saw what it was like for me to set a goal and work toward it. They saw that everything doesn’t come easy to adults, sometimes you struggle but keep going. They saw that I valued education, and that learning doesn’t stop when you grow up. There was an added bonus that I hadn’t expected: I too was “overvolunteered” before I went back to school. Once my classes started, if I was asked to volunteer for something, all I had to say was that I was going back to school, and it got me out of all sorts of things! LOL! The only word of caution I have for anyone considering going back to school is this: be careful of your own health. At one point I got very, very anemic before I realized anything was wrong with me. The major symptom was fatigue, and I chalked that up to my hectic schedule & long hours. So, watch your health, but otherwise, go for it! I know lots of people who wish they had gone back to school, but I don’t know a single person who went back to school and regretted it.
By catlady
April 17, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this
I went back to school full time as a single parent of 3 children (eldest 12), exhusband SUPPOSED to pay $60 per week, and got a master’s and doctorate. I worked 1/3 time on campus. It can be done, but you have to be prepared for many sacrifices. It was worth every one of them, and I would recommend it to anyone who has a lot of determination. I did not take foodstamps, subsidized housing, welfare, (no Peachcare back then) and we did some doing without and making do. I will never recoup the money I lost doing it, but the sense of pride my children have in their mom is priceless. I loved every day I was back on campus. Thank you to all who supported me with their prayers and encouragement!
By Single Parent Mom
April 17, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this
I am a 32 year old single mother of one. I started my Bachelors degree when my daughter was only a year old. Now I am working on my Masters (still as a single parent) and my daughter is 5 years old, venturing into first grade next year. The way that I balance it is to wait until I put my daughter in bed (yes, she definitely has a steadfast bed time) then I start on my school work. That way I can give her my attention and help her with her homework before she goes to bed. This does call for some late nights for me, but the final reward far exceeds the current inconveniences. I have had to endure a year long lay off and numerous financial issues during my educational journey, but I wouldn’t change a thing. My suggestion for any parent trying to return to school is to try to maintain the same routine with your child(ren) after starting school that you had before. Children need to maintain a sense of normalcy. That has truly worked for me.
By Kat
April 17, 2007 12:16 PM | Link to this
VSU MLIS, hang in there! Mine is an MLIS too. Check out georgialibraries.org and click on the “Jobs in Libraries” link.
By concerned
April 17, 2007 1:12 PM | Link to this
I finished school when my children were young also. I started my part-time legal education when my youngest son was a mere 4 MONTHS old. Yes that hurt. But it is very worth while. Now when young women say, they cannot get an education because of the child… I can say you can if you really want it. My husband also had to chip in and take care of the family, I was working full-time for the government. All in all, we are still disfunctional. But we are disfunctional with a degree. Its a joke people, my view point is every family is a little disfunctional, no matter how hard you try.
By shell
April 17, 2007 2:21 PM | Link to this
I am a single mother of two girls, 14 & 8. I am getting my Master’s at Kennesaw State. I was single mother when I got my BS. After my divorce I realized I wanted to further my education. I work over 40 hours a week. The key is to find a less stressful job and to be honest with your kids. Children are very resilient and understanding. I want to show my daughters you can accomplish anything.
By TT
April 17, 2007 3:44 PM | Link to this
I am currently enrolled in graduate school while working 2 full time jobs (teaching and motherhood).
I manage my time with the help of my son’s father, as well as with designated “study time”. It also helps that the majority of my classes are online and I only have to drive out to the campus once or twice a month. I also have a 4.0 GPA.
This is possible by time management—those down times where my son may be playing by himself, I’m reading a textbook or working on an assignment. In addition, those times when he’s asleep and I’d normally be vegging out, watching Grey’s Anatomy—I’m working on schoolwork. His dad helps out by cooking dinner and bathing our son on those days I have class. All and all, we have scheduled our time down to the minute. It works for us. We understand that it’s only temporary and a simple sacrifice in order for us to benefit in the long run.
Despite my busy schedule, I still find time to volunteer in my son’s preschool class, take him to the park, etc. It’s doable, it just takes dedication, diligence, support, and a schedule!
By H
April 17, 2007 3:51 PM | Link to this
I’m a single mom of 2 under the ages of 6. I work full time and go to KSU part time to finish up my undergrad (only 80some more credits to go). I feel like one of the “older” students but I’m proud of the achievements I have conquered so far. It’s tough but in the end, I look forward to my children yelling “GO MOM!”.
Going back to school took a great support system. I found a great home daycare to watch my kids afterhours. My Sig Other is supportive and my ex-hubby has something to be desired (not any help at all). BUT, what do you do?
Go OWLS!
By nikki
April 17, 2007 4:07 PM | Link to this
My son started how school this year so I thought this would be a great opportunity to go back to school. I’m going on-line through the University of Phoenix. Going on-line is great for me because I work fulltime. I go on-line before I leave for work and then after I have settled my son down for the night. It’s great if you can balance your time.
By Melanie
April 17, 2007 4:29 PM | Link to this
TIME MANAGEMENT! TIME MANAGEMENT! I can’t say it loud enough: that’s the key to making it work. I have three children under 6, I work full-time as a high school teacher, and I am active in my church. I have just finished all of the coursework for my M.A. English, and I am currently working on my thesis, due in June, so I’ve been there, and hopefully, in a few weeks, I’ll have “done that.”
My best advice: Remember that housework can wait; children can’t. Make dates with your husband. Farm out anything you can afford to have done. Carve out time for yourself. Expand your support network.
It can be done, and it doesn’t have to be stressful. Make sure you enjoy what you’re doing, and you’ll be a better mom, wife, and student.
Best wishes!
By Angelia
April 17, 2007 4:50 PM | Link to this
I am a 41 year old mother of a 19 year old and 12 year old. I work full time and attend college full-time at night. This routine has not been easy and I dont expect it to be. I started college in 2003 part-time and have been enrolled ever since. I became a full-time student in the fall of 2006 at Mercer University. I am determined to complete my college education. It is possible to accomplish all. Yes, some things may have to wait a little longer than others but its all about time management and having children that are independent, goal oriented themselves and want the best for THE THEIR MOM. Thanks
By past50mom
April 17, 2007 7:50 PM | Link to this
Hooray for all today that posted your inspriational stories! And TG that Casey wasn’t lurking to bash anyone going to LAW SCHOOL!!!
By Chaz's mom
April 17, 2007 8:42 PM | Link to this
I’m living proof that it can be done…on May 12, 2007 I’ll glide, notice I said glide, across the stage with my B.S. in Political Science. I decided to go back to school when my oldest son was 10 and I was a single working mom. At first I went P/T, but then I got married and with in a 3 year span, I had two more kids(boy 4, girl 2). When I had my youngest, I decided that P/T just wasn’t enough, unless I wanted to be in school for 3 more years. So I started taking at least 12 hours. Last semester I took a full 18 hours and this semester I’m taking an overload of 21 hours(7 classes, yep I’m crazy). It’s been extremely hard and my health has suffered slightly, I’m always worn out, but I have to do what I have to do. I plan on pursuing a legal career, so its not over(I’ve been the unoffical family attorney for years, LOL). Financially I felt that going back to school was my only option, we were barely making ends meet and my kids deserve better. Becoming a lawyer was also my dream and it had been, since I was 9 years old, but I let insecurity and FEAR hold me back, but believe me that disease has been vaccinated. My husband has been supportive, but because I quit working last semester, and we needed my income, he works 2 jobs, which means I have little to no help with the kids. Although my oldest son has been a God-send, he helps me alot..I owe him big this summer, wink wink.
In no way has it been easy, and if I had it to do again, I would have completed my degree 13 years ago, before kids, husband, bills, etc. However its never too late and anything worth having is worth working hard for..so work it out.
By DYJ
April 18, 2007 8:40 AM | Link to this
I applaud all of you. I’m a new parent and am still trying to figure out how to juggle working full-time, managing my household and caring for my 9 month old! I would love to go back to school to get my Masters degree and am currently looking into getting my PMP and CISP certifications. Reading all of your “I did it” posts is very encouraging.