MOMania

By nurse&mother

April 14, 2007 10:32 AM | Link to this

Theresa, how hilarious, yet true! I cracked up reading about the old milk. My 15 month old had a problem with spitting up. Turns out I produced a lot of milk (maybe too much at one time for him). I was oblivious to the “old milk” smell on my clothes or the baby’s. When my husband would come home, he would often comment that the baby smelled like vomit. ( I wouldn’t go that far). Eventually he admitted that I smelled the same way. I took the not so subtle hint and tried to clean myself and the baby up right before he came home. My husband is a really nice guy and usually doesn’t say something so frank, if it might hurt my feelings.

I’ve done the sling thing and visited the potty at the same time. My bladder is JUST not getting back to normal. Yeah!! I think my exercise regime is helping. The belly button does eventually get back to shape. I worried that 8.5 year difference between #1 and #2 would prevent this from happening.

I definitely feel closer to my husband after my second child. He was kind to consider #2, when he felt for years that he only wanted one child. He is a great father and is very helpful. We are both much more relaxed and laid back the second time around. I think we are both in tuned with each other.

My husband has visited the urologist and I sometimes fear that that it didn’t “take”. He has not bothered to get cleared (it’s been one year since the procedure) . I have warned him that he should neither accuse or complain if I end up pregnant.

By nurse&mother

April 14, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this

oops! Meant to say my bladder is just NOW getting back to normal.

By ???

April 14, 2007 7:11 PM | Link to this

Gross. I don’t know what you’re talking about w/ the belly button. Mine never did do that. Maybe it was like that before?

By mwh

April 14, 2007 9:10 PM | Link to this

Thanks for the reminders… two weeks out and so sad today when I could not get anything over my hips (and only 10 pounds to go). Hope things start fitting soon. Maternity clothes are not fun. This article was very well timed though (I was a little near tears with just wanting to feel somewhat normal).

Oh, and my belly button is still a little on the large side - not huge (this is only my second), but still larger then normal.

Thanks for the great article!

By mildly nauseated

April 14, 2007 9:31 PM | Link to this

KEITH!!!!

By Tina

April 14, 2007 9:32 PM | Link to this

I wish I were closer to my husband after our second (14 months ago). This boy had reflux and was much harder early on than his brother. My husband said, and still says, “I don’t do CRY!” He also is a complete $%@@* when I leave to go do something by myself and leave him with the children. He also makes fun of me and how long it takes me to pee. It’s the stretched out bladder, and it’s still not right.

My belly is still mushy, but I just weaned the baby a few weeks ago, so I’m cutting myself some slack. All the baby weight is long gone. Now the tone needs to return.

By past50mom

April 15, 2007 9:07 AM | Link to this

Theresa, get pads for the inside of your bras. I used to have letdown (a little leaking) before the baby nursed, which wets your bra and blouse, and gives you the eau de fromage. Get the disposable pads and refresh often, and buy some extra bras so that you can change during the day, too. As for peeing, do your kegel exercises constantly, and use the disposable panty liners that are cheap, and you can carry them in your pocket and change often. You will be fresh as a daisy, well most of the time. After nursing wash your breasts, and apply some cocoa butter or other benign cream to condition and soften the callouses and prevent cracking of your nipples, which is painful and easy to avoid. If the baby spits up often, get the waterproof pads to wear on your shoulder which help especially when you are burping. And don’t invite your girlfriend over again anytime soon. You don’t need negative comments!

By jody

April 15, 2007 9:59 AM | Link to this

Hilarious. My 2nd is 4 months old, however this time around I refused to do the “did I shower today?” routine. No matter how tired, I shower, lotion up with the Victorias Secret and then put on the baggie pants and tees. The shower actually gives me a little more energy and I do bathroom breaks alone as this may be the only time I get by myself! Although my 3 year old will sometimes come in to ask me if I peed or pooped and then tell me “good job, mama!” Cute… but must remember to lock that door :-) I too felt really amorous towards my husband…week 3 and on was crazy, but that fear of being pregnant with a one month old child kept me in check. I too had pregnancy nightmares and you do forget all the nuances of a newborn, I was so shocked at the callused nipples as if it never had happened before :-) Never had the belly button thing, but my feet …! I think I’m a size 9 and a 1/4, because all of my 8.5’s were way too small, 9’s hurt and 9.5’s fall off my feet. Your topic really perked me up this morning thanks.

By DYJ

April 15, 2007 11:56 AM | Link to this

During the first week or so of breastfeeding, my nipples hurt so much that I walked around our house with my bra cups unclasped so I could let them air out and so the lansinoh cream could do it’s magic. I think I would have answered the door that way if my Mother would not have reminded me I was exposed!

By Jesse's Girl

April 15, 2007 12:22 PM | Link to this

Tina….you need to slap your husband upside the dern head…..what a jerk!!! Good thing he belongs to you, cause I would have buried him in the backyard a long time ago! Good for you though for breast feeding for so long. That is another misconception about post-pregnancy…breast feeding is hard!!! It doesn’t come very easily to some of us. Kudos for keeping it up for over a year! You sound like an awesome mom.

By fa

April 15, 2007 12:38 PM | Link to this

This was really fun to read, as my memories of new motherhood are long gone (I have a 7 year old and a 15 year old). We had considered another, but I’m 40, and I do not want to start over! Thanks for the good laughs ladies! :)

By Glad to be childfree

April 15, 2007 2:43 PM | Link to this

Theresa, congratulations on the new baby. Glad to hear you’re doing all right.

But…this column is among the best I’ve read for all the reasons confirming my decision not to have children!

By past50mom

April 15, 2007 9:04 PM | Link to this

To ‘Glad to be childfree,’ The temporary discomfort and body challenges that we mothers deal with are insignificant when compared to the joy we feel holding our newborns, their new baby smell, softness and sounds, the way they grip our fingers with their tiny hands, the trusting and comfort they find at our touch, the miracle of the awakening of a new little person, our own, part mom and part dad, and part of all who made us. A newborn is a glimpse of infinity, of life everlasting, of love. And no matter how quickly they grow up, we will always marvel at the miracle of the lives we were privileged to bring into the world.

By Been There

April 16, 2007 8:15 AM | Link to this

Try some lanolin cream. I nursed twins for over a year, and never even had any cracks.

I also considered my right to a shower to be non-negotiable. It might not have been real early, but by 10 every morning, I’d had a shower and at least put on a little foundation and mascara. I swore off lipstick unless for serious need (professional photos or babies’ christening), because I just kissed it all over their heads anyway.

I remember leaning on their crib when they were about 3 weeks old and thinking that people must live through this and return to normal, otherwise the world would be populated by only children (or first-born twins, like mine!). It does get better.

By Childfree and loving it!

April 16, 2007 8:21 AM | Link to this

I second the emotion of Glad to be childfree. Past50mom, I’m thrilled that you (and other women) feel that way about reproducing, but I’m not one of those women, never was, and never will be. And before you ask, I enjoy reading the blog for Moms, because I frequently babysit and help out with a friend’s daughters, and also because it’s generally witty and thought-provoking. However, as cute as this entry was, I’m counting my blessings that none of these things will ever have to happen to me.

And I have to admit that I prefer reading Theresa’s harsh reality version of it to your idyllic rendering. While a newborn may be “a glimpse of infinity, of life everlasting, of love” they are also smelly little beings who distort your body and rob you of sleep (and apparently a bit of dignity.) Thanks, Theresa for keeping it real!

By pws

April 16, 2007 8:30 AM | Link to this

Past50 mom, you are so right, when you say that all the not so pleasant stuff that goes along with having children all goes away when you hold that newborn, watch them grow up, and then watch them spread their wings and fly. However, I do think that motherhood isn’t for everyone, I think there are some women, who aren’t cut out to be moms. And it’s much better if they know that up front, rather than have children that they won’t care for. I don’t understand it, because I don’t know how they don’t have that instinct that most of us have when we become mothers, but there are a few who don’t have it. And I have seen the adverse affects that it has on their kids. Isn’t it great that today we have the choice, whether or not to become mothers.

By Laurie

April 16, 2007 8:31 AM | Link to this

Theresa,

Thanks so much for the laugh out loud comments! This is my favorite article yet! I can sympathize with the belly button. After my third baby I had the exact same thing. Hang in there it will get better. My 3rd baby is now 19 mths old and the urine loss is still happening for me, plus I have to pee ALL the time. Guess I should check with my dr on this one. Hang in there, it will get better!

By past50mom

April 16, 2007 8:41 AM | Link to this

To ‘Childfree and Loving It.’ I was just putting what Theresa said into perspective for ‘Glad to be child free’, My description is not not an idyllic rendering, but a description of the benefits we have for enduring all of the cr@p our bodies go through in childbirth and postpartum. I came through it all fine and do still marvel at the miracle of my three 20-something children. I can have my cake and eat it too. Have a nice child free day, dear.

By Jesse's Girl

April 16, 2007 8:47 AM | Link to this

I discovered the fresh hell that is a weak bladder not too long after The Boy came along. Imagine the abstract horror I felt when jumping in the moonwalk castle we rented for our middle daughter’s 5th b-day……as I peed on myself. Not a lot, but enough to call my doctor asking if this was normal!I’m too young to listen to June Allison!!! She said yes, hopefully it will right itself in time. Well…its been 4 years now and I still have to cross my dern legs when I sneeze. And forget the trampoline! My kids BEG me to jump with them. Not out of a desire to spend fun time with mommy mind you. Its because they know what will happen….ha!ha! So hillarious! Actually, it is pretty ridiculous. Good thing I can laugh at myself!

By past50mom

April 16, 2007 8:50 AM | Link to this

pws, I agree, and I certainly was not implying that motherhood is for everyone. That said, the avowed child free women can be callous in their comments to moms.

By Childfree and loving it!

April 16, 2007 9:06 AM | Link to this

past50mom, I guess I don’t understand what you mean by having your cake and eating it too, so I guess I’m missing something. I wasn’t trying to be insulting with my earlier post—just commenting on another take, so I would appreciate it if you would not patronize me.

pws, are you saying that I choose not to have children because I know I would be an unfit mother? And that I’m missing some sort of “instinct” for motherhood and wouldn’t care for my children if I had them? I truly hope I’ve misread you, because if not, that’s a pretty harsh indictment of someone you don’t know.

I don’t understand why people who choose to have children treat those of us who choose not to like social misfits who obviously wasted our reproductive organs. Does it truly matter what our reasons are?

Never once have I had the audacity of asking a pregnant friend “why would you do that?” or even suggest anything other than happiness for her (even if I believed it wasn’t the best situation). So why, when people ask when my husband I are planning to have kids (why is this even an appropriate question?) or worse yet, say something equally as appropriate as “You’re getting up there—if you’re gonna have kids you’d better get started”, suddenly treat me/us like mutants when we say we aren’t planning to have them?

By Theresa

April 16, 2007 9:12 AM | Link to this

Hey Everybody —- Lots of good thoughts —- I agree that motherhood is not for everyone — it is a lot of sacrifices but you do get those wonderful kids —for some folks that may not be a good enough pay-off — but at least these ladies know it’s not for them — doesn’t everyone know some moms that you’re like why did you ever become a mom — and isn’t that worse

past50mom — got the breast pads (love the johnson and johnson ones) — have pantyliners coming out my ears — the old milk smell is mainly from her spitting up — I think I’m making too much milk for her — with your third you got a lot of milk —- I stopped switching sides during a feeding so now she’s not getting two let downs which has seemed to help —

jesse’s girl — I discovered the jumpign thing was a no-go after my first — we used to go to The Music Class in Toco Hills and they were always jumping during songs and all I could think was that teacher must not have babies —

to Laurie and Fa — glad you guys could remember and laugh — that was the intention — doesn’t always happen though

By jess

April 16, 2007 9:19 AM | Link to this

I read this column in the paper yesterday and I couldn’t wait to post a comment! DISGUSTING! I have a 2yo, and from day one I always made a point of showering! Even if I didn’t always feel awake or attractive at least I was clean! My house was relatively clean as well and if you get a decent diaper pail your house won’t smell either, geez, you would think someone doing this for the third time would have a clue!

By CJ

April 16, 2007 9:25 AM | Link to this

Childfree and loving it,

You are like so many other selfish women out there who only think about themselves and their figures. How sad that you choose never to experience the love from a son/daughter. I feel sorry for you. I have had 3 children and am proud to say that I have not lost my shape and still turn heads! Like past50 mom said-these things that happen to our bodies are temporary. And well worth it after the fact.

Children are blessings :)

By Theresa

April 16, 2007 9:28 AM | Link to this

hey Jess — Let’s review the facts from the article — I pointed out that my hair looked bad from not showering in the morning, not that I smelled like BO. (I’m generally getting showered at night but that doesn’t help my hair during the day because it’s naturally curly) — The only smell on me or in my house is from a baby burping and spitting up some — it has nothing to do with diapers — And anyone who has ever breastfed a baby knows their poop doesn’t actually smell — so the diaper pail has nothing to do with it either — I think you were looking for things to be negative about —

By past50mom

April 16, 2007 9:29 AM | Link to this

Theresa, Regarding the spitting up, also try burping her more often while nursing, she may just be gulping too fast!

Child free and loving it, I was not trying to be patronizing. I responded to your comments re: “idyllic rendering,” and thanking Theresa for keeping it “real” as if my views were unreal(?) And I don’t think you are a misfit for choosing to be child free, as I wish some moms who have had “trophy children” that they totally ignore would have made your choice. Aunts and uncles are valuable in a child’s life.

By CJ

April 16, 2007 9:38 AM | Link to this

Jess-you’re an idiot. That’s really all I have to say to that ignorant post…

By Childfree and loving it!

April 16, 2007 9:42 AM | Link to this

past50mom, then I apologize for misreading. I’m so accustomed to being treated like the way CJ responded, that I’m very probably over-sensitive. But you do see what I mean now, right? Were either of my posts criticizing of mothers? No. I know that many (and I’ll even go so far as to say most) women relish the idea of motherhood and being mothers, and I truly think that’s wonderful for you. However, apparently I’m selfish and only think about myself and my figure (which is apparently better in CJ’s mind than in my overweight reality), because I know that isn’t my path. I believe CJ’s post pretty much proved my earlier point.

CJ, I may be selfish (and since thankfully we don’t know each other IRL so you’ll never know for sure), but you’re judgmental. Is that what you’re teaching your blessings?

By Childfree and loving it!

April 16, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this

I’m sorry—I didn’t realize that CJ was a troll or else I wouldn’t have bothered to respond. Please pardon! :)

By Jesse's Girl

April 16, 2007 9:55 AM | Link to this

@ Child Free & Lovin It……truth be told, every mom envies you now and again. I admit it..I do. The freedom to come and go as you please is something we will never know again. My bestfriend is childless and I live vicariously through her. The thing is…I have no guilt about my fleeting moments of envy. I think its perfectly normal. But I have also met childless women who have moments of envy toward me. Perhaps in her own way, that is what CJ was feeling. It just didn’t translate well to the keyboard!

By CJ

April 16, 2007 9:59 AM | Link to this

And I have to admit that I prefer reading Theresa’s harsh reality version of it to your idyllic rendering. While a newborn may be “a glimpse of infinity, of life everlasting, of love” they are also smelly little beings who distort your body and rob you of sleep (and apparently a bit of dignity.) Thanks, Theresa for keeping it real!

Ummm sounds to me like YOU were being judgemental towords what it’s like to be a mom. You have no clue. No-I will be teaching my “little blessings” to not be selfish and think only of themselves. What people like you don’t seem to comprehend, is that they are only babies for a season-and then they grow up like you and I! When you and your husband get old and are unable to care for yourselves, who will be there to help out? No babies now mean no grown kids in the future. I’m glad I have my “smelly little beings who rob me of sleep” And another thing-I would never say that my child robbed me of some dignity….just proves to me that you are selfish and self centered. I guess it is best that you’re not a mom-that requires great sacrifices which you are clearly unwilling to give.

By CJ

April 16, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this

The only reason that I responded to childfree’s post, is because of the way she came across. I thought it was really tasteless. almost as if she were saying wow I feel sorry for women with children! I hate it when women who are without kids try and make us feel that we have some kind of disease because we have children. Our bodies were made to have children. I have never envied a woman with no kids simply because mine bring me such joy and laughter, that I wouldn’t WANT to imagine life without them….

By Jesse's Girl

April 16, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this

I hear you..I really do. I love my life as a monther just as much. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. However…..I find it quite difficult to swallow that you have never had a passing moment’s whimsy when you hear of your single friend’s vacations, nights out on the town, quiet time at the book store, or a quick in and out at the Publix. Its normal to feel that every now and again. Thats all I was saying.

By past50mom

April 16, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this

Motherhood is just one job/career that women can have, and it is a lot like any other job. We have to prepare for both with with education or training; put in long hours and maybe sleepless nights getting the degree, getting a project accomplished, working overtime, or staying up with babies; we have to subject ourselves to another’s schedule whether it is the boss, the company, the deadline due, or the baby’s feeding schedule; we have to schedule our recreation time whether it’s saving up leave at work for a day off or the yearly vacation, or arranging a babysitter for a movie night out; occasionally we all have to care for sick or elderly family members either children, parents, or in-laws; and we all strive to feel good about the job we have done, no matter what career path we have chosen. Women’s body shapes and images are a struggle, more for some, less for others, and pregnancy and childrearing can affect the body as much as commuting, job stress and sitting on your butt at work. No matter what side of the mom fence you are on, let’s cut each other some slack OK?

By CJ

April 16, 2007 10:38 AM | Link to this

I guess I did enough partying in my pre-kid days, that I don’t desire any of that stuff anymore. Thankfully my husband and I have a lot of family memebers and friends who help out when we need them and since we fly for free, we are are able to hop on a plane-almost-anytime and get away for a few days. I guess it’s good to have a strong support system. Now as far as grocery stores and shopping goes-here’s how we work that out. Usually I will go shopping while hubby and kiddies are at home. Or if he needs to go somewhere-he’ll wait until I’m at home with the kiddies. This has really worked out well for us for the past 5 years. Sometimes we’ll just take everybody! But it all works out…

By past50mom

April 16, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this

Jesse’s Girl, I understand what you are saying, IF ONLY you had an uninterrupted day, or even an afternoon to sit and read or shop or do nothing. I think being a mom gives you a greater appreciation for those free times. We vacationed at the beach for ten years with another family, and my friend and I took turns having a new baby every couple of years. My childless sister-in-law visited us at the beach the summer we had six children six and under. My friend had her newborn, 3 and 6 year olds, and mine were one, 2 1/2, and 5 years old. My sister-in-law was oblivious to our level of activity and the work we were doing to get the lunch made for the dads who were going out all day fishing, to feed the kids breakfast, get them dressed, set up play acitivites, time on the beach and keep an eagle eye out for any stragglers who may bolt for the surf. My sister-in-law sat on the porch smoking sipping a beer, telling us all of her problems AND letting us make her lunch. She was clueless, and yes, we were envious.

By CJ

April 16, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this

Actually Jesse’s girl, I take that back. When it was just me and my 1st daughter, I was a single mom and I did have those moments….alot actually. But I guess it was because it was just her and I. But when she was almost 4, I met my husband and he helped out alot. He still does and for that I know I’m blessed. He helps out with dinner, household chores, gets the kiddies ready for bed. I guess what I was saying, is that I no longer feel that way-as far as being envious of people with no kids. Been there done that-and remember-the grass is always greener on the other side!

By pws

April 16, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this

Hey everyone, I wasn’t putting down any woman that decides not to have children, I was just trying to say that isn’t it great that we have a choice, now? It wasn’t that way not so many years ago. I think it’s a personal choice of every woman whether or not to have children, and no one should be critized for the choice they make, they make the choice that’s right for them.

And another thought here, some women would chose to have children, but biologically can’t have them. We women need to stick together, whatever our choices are, instead of trying to impress our choices on everyone else. Hope this comes out the way it’s intended, that’s the problem with our “posting”, there is no body language to the words.

By Jesse's Girl

April 16, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this

See, CJ….you’re referring to an idealic setting in which most of us do not live. Really, no one does. I am trying to be as honest as I can here. Example…..I would never envy my single friend because she is simply single….in the horrific event of my husband’s death, I am not one of those wives who would ever remarry. Why? Because that would mean I have to date first. There is no amount of money anyone could throw at me to go though that again! But I do wish I had their personal free time….just a bit. My marriage is wonderful and my kids are cooler than most. But during my flights of fancy….I do wonder what it would be like to just pick up and go. That does not negate my happiness and contentment.

By CJ

April 16, 2007 11:58 AM | Link to this

We all have our own opinions and I’d better just leave it at that.

By Joy

April 16, 2007 12:35 PM | Link to this

You’d be surprised. I’m 25 and have a 4 month old. I was the one that never wanted children, my friends that find out now are like, ‘you, had a baby? I thought you would never!’ The sad part is, I wouldn’t have if my birth control had worked effectively. It’s not for everybody, definitely. I just wish everyone that swears they don’t want children, for whatever reason, could have a child, at any age, that was actually theirs for just one day, I think it would change alot of minds.

By Casey

April 16, 2007 2:54 PM | Link to this

Hey Jesse’s Girl - surely you can tell that you’re not wanted here. Your comments are rude and not appreciated.

Go troll elsewhere.

By bellamomma

April 16, 2007 2:59 PM | Link to this

Oh it only gets more fun. my daughter and son feel the need to follow me everywhere. The other day I was getting out of the shower and was a little startled to find son, daughter and dog waiting on me. Daughter says “momma put some clothes on. Isabelle doesn’t want to see all that”

Isabelle is our dog.

I am in my 20’s yet I have saggy boobs, stretch marks and celulite. I have a permantly mushy tummy and circles under my eyes. Would I have plastic surgery? Yeah but in the mean time these are my mommy battle scares. I wear them with pride.

By bellamomma

April 16, 2007 3:01 PM | Link to this

sorry that was scars.

By Childfree and loving it

April 16, 2007 3:06 PM | Link to this

Again, I apologize for responding. Past50mom, I apparently misinterpreted the intent of your original post to Glad to be childfree. It seemed to me like you were trying to sell motherhood by focusing only on the adorable, wonderful things about having babies (as so many women often do) while Theresa was actually talking about the not-so-wonderful aspects (and what we were commenting on). If everything that went along with childbirth and raising children were all that you described, then I wouldn’t read stories like “Mother stabs newborn 135 times” or other horror stories like that.

I applaud any good parent, as I know that especially in today’s society, it’s a tough job. It’s just not a job that I want. PWS, thanks for clarifying your earlier statement, and thanks for understanding that each woman is different.

Jesse’s Girl, I guess you’re right about freedom, but frankly, I never give that much thought. I have obligations other than kids which limit my freedom. I applaud your happiness and contentment—you sound as if you’re truly where you should be doing what you’re doing. That’s phenomenal.

Again, Theresa, I apologize that my comments caused such issue today—I’m sorry my misunderstanding caused people to be upset, or at the very least, b!tchy. I do stand by my statements though—having children should be a choice, and those of us who choose not to have them shouldn’t be treated as lesser people just because we don’t share the desire to be parents. We shouldn’t have to be insulted or called names, just because we’ve made a different choice. But we are. Very often, by people who claim that they would never allow their children to act the way they do.

By dep

April 16, 2007 3:07 PM | Link to this

bellamomma, was “scares” perhaps a Freudian slip! LOL!

By growup

April 16, 2007 4:39 PM | Link to this

Can we get a blogger w/ good topics who doesn’t come on and argue like a 2-year-old? A journalist?

By Will

April 16, 2007 11:29 PM | Link to this

This blog used to be so bad that it was good, kinda like the 7th heaven of blogs. But now, it’s just bad. There is absolutely nothing journalistic about it. Poor, subjective writing followed by defensive, unprofessional responses. We cant expect too much from AJC, the home of Terrence Moore (easily the worst columnist as a writer that I have ever read) but this is low by any standards. It’s not just the poor subject matter that bugs me, It’s the poor writing skills! It’s obvious this blogger is out of her leauge and hardly tries anymore, dont we, the readers, deserve better? Is this truely how the AJC wishes to be represented? Dont hesitate a second to dump this and ban me, I used my actual email address and my real name. Banning me would be doing me a favor. Please put me out of my misery. But then put the remaining 13 readers of this blog out of thiers and dump this ….?…this typer?

By nurse&mother

April 17, 2007 12:07 AM | Link to this

I wanted to comment that I took two baths a day. I took one in the morning to help get me going. I took a shower and washed my hair at night. I agree with Theresa. I think that it was the spit up on my clothes and on the baby’s that smelled. After my husband brought it to my attention, I started changing our clothes again right before my husband came home.