MOMania

By Ms. Jones

March 29, 2007 8:07 AM | Link to this

My high schooler has to be at the bus stop no later than 6:25 A.M. which means getting up around 5:15, 5:30.
That said, I do drive her and two other kids in our neighborhood to school. We don’t have to leave the house until 6:45, which gives us an additional 20 minutes at home. I drop them off, then head to work.
Now, before anyone slams me for driving high schoolers, let me just say this, IF she were to ride the bus, we both would leave the house at the same time, and I drive right past her school. Why not have 20 more minutes at home in the mornings, then we are in the car for 15 minutes. So by doing this, I get an additional 35 minutes with my child in the mornings.

By deidreNC

March 29, 2007 8:27 AM | Link to this

ms jones…why would anyone one slam youfor driving your kids to school? i drive my high schooler sometimes….mainly when her ride is late or im off work and just want to…i see nothing wrong with that…mine hates to ride he bus….one its sooo early and in the winter its cold…so i take her often…i hate that dayslight savings time started so early….i dont like it anyway and now its justthat much longer to have an hour lost…i never get it found til the change back in the fall…

By Raqi

March 29, 2007 8:34 AM | Link to this

Do you let your kids really sleep in on short breaks like Spring Break, or do you try to maintain their normal schedules?

My youngest who is 12 had his spring break the week of March 5th and this year, unlike previous, I got him up every day and brought to work with me. And I did this because it is hard just after one week to get him back into waking up early. It’s like by the time he has adjusted to getting to sleep in, it’s time to go back to school and then he is cranky in the mornings. So this year I did it different. I maintained his normal waking hour.

Now my oldest goes on spring break next week but with him it doesn’t really make a difference because it’s hard to get him up either way.

As far as the changing of the time, it does make a difference when it’s lighter outside getting up, even for me.

By TheOne

March 29, 2007 8:41 AM | Link to this

My high schooler has to be up by 5:15 am to get the school bus at 6:15 am. Her school is a few exits north of my job, which is north of where we live, so I don’t drive her to school unless there is some morning event. That said, I still drive her up to the bus stop in the mornings, and I now even meet her at the bus stop in the afternoons (now that she doesn’t have her cell phone). Don’t worry about anyone slamming you Ms. Jones, because I honestly couldn’t care less about what anyone thinks of me and my parenting…..unless you are my child or my mother….or God. This is done for safety reasons, and no child is ever too old for that….esp. our girls!!

I am taking vacation next week for her spring break so that we can be lazy some, spend some extra quality time together and just hang out and have fun. So NO, I will not be waking her up early, unless we’re hitting the road for one of our day trips. And we are both looking forward to the break!!

By Ms. Jones

March 29, 2007 8:43 AM | Link to this

DiedraNC Just wait. Someone will come on here and slam us since their tax dollars are paying for school buses. I have a (childless) co-worker who pitches the biggest fit about me driving my kid and friends to school. She is a homeowner and just cannot stand that she is paying for public education and my kid isn’t on that bus she is paying for……..

I hope everyone has a wonderful day today.

By Patrick

March 29, 2007 8:46 AM | Link to this

Ms. Mom I think you’re doing the right thing for yourself and your child. This way not only do you both have more time to spend together in the mornings (even if it’s less than an hour), but you can help her do one last check of her homework, and the two of you can talk about what is supposed to happen that day at school if anything is planned.

When I was in school, my parents let me sleep in on days off. When I was younger, I went to my grandparents’ in Alabama on Spring Break, and for one week during the summer. After I started working, I just slept in, but worked every evening during that week. On single student holidays like teacher workdays or single holidays the schools were closed, I was allowed to sleep in.

By Flo Jean

March 29, 2007 8:52 AM | Link to this

Ooh my child hates to ride the bus…it’s early, it’s too cold, there are wolves outside. Thanks for raising spoiled brats who will then join us in the workforce and be totally clueless on how to fend for themselves. Way to go Super Mom!

By LM

March 29, 2007 8:54 AM | Link to this

Every morning since her birth my child has been difficult to wake up. Mornings are the worst time of day for us and can lead to very stressfull battles. Our school started Aug 1 last summer, she had two additional weeks off during the school year and next week starts her spring break. She dreads the additional time off. She realizes how much it throws her off schedule. I really enjoy her time off from school. My mornings go smother and I get to enjoy the mornings.

Mrs. Jones..I used to drive her to school when she was in middle school, she was on a permissive transfer and transportation was my responsibility. I really enjoyed the time in the car, I learned a lot about her friends, classes and things that were on her mind, things I mignt not have found out had she been on the bus each morning. We have moved and now she takes the bus, but each morning once I have hustled her out the door, we sit in my car at the end of the driveway and wait together for her bus. She gets to stay dry and warm, we live on an expreamly busy road and I know she is safe and the best part is we still get some time to talk, no agenda just what ever comes to mind, school, work, friends the weekend. I helps us reconnect after the difficult morning routine.

By Ms. Jones

March 29, 2007 8:55 AM | Link to this

Thank you everyone so far for the nice comments.

TheOne Enjoy your break. I may take one day off with my child during spring break (next week). We have our huge vacation in July so I need to save vacation days for that.

When school is out, my daughter is allowed to sleep in, usually noon is when I get the first phone call from home. How nice…..but I figure, she will be working full time this summer, so let her sleep in until then…..

By pasat50mom

March 29, 2007 9:07 AM | Link to this

Ms. Jones - you’re right: you should get slammed for driving a teen-ager to school! They can ride the bus or walk. I walked 3 miles to/from school everyday (except pouring rain). It helped to keep me in shape and I was quite awake when I got to school.

About the buses - yes: they are there for your child to use - not just look pretty on the roads. Riding on the school buses helps your child to interact with other kids early in the morning (or afternoon).

You have three choices: bus, car or walk. You’ve chosen the way that builds the least amount of character and social interaction for your child. You should be ashamed!

By Jennifer

March 29, 2007 9:07 AM | Link to this

I let mine sleep in! They are still in preschool and don’t get up until 8 am anyway.

Our buses are running here at the same time I’m leaving to take my kids to preschool, around 8:45!

By TheOne

March 29, 2007 9:14 AM | Link to this

past50mom Up until recently I thought you were an older wiser mom, and appreciated reading most of your posts. But lately you’ve proven me WRONG!!! You don’t have the right to slam anyone for their choice to drive their child ANYWHERE!! You don’t know the situation of anothers household or schooling! So I say to you too…..GO BITE A BRICK!!!

By Jennifer

March 29, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this

I had some great conversations with my mom in the car on the ride to school back in the day. That’s way more valuable to me than talking to the 3 Madison’s on the bus about what someone was wearing yesterday. I’m sure my mom doesn’t regret the 1-on-1 time we had on the ride to school.

By Ms. Jones

March 29, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this

Past50Mom I too walked to school. Just about two miles each way (1.9 to be exact). I grew up in Colorado, so we walked in snow and all types of weather. They took the bus away because we were less than 2 miles from the school. There were times my Dad drove us to school. I was in high school and my brother in middle school. The schools were right across the street from each other, so my dad would drop us off on his way to work. Didn’t make me a less productive person or damage my character because I was driven to school.
So no I am not ashamed of driving my high schooler to school at all. I enjoy my being with my child, and will take every opportunity to do so.

By GoAway

March 29, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this

FloJean Go back to your trailer park!!! Driving your kids does not make them spoiled brats……you make them spoiled brats!!!!! Such ignorance…….

By Raqi

March 29, 2007 9:22 AM | Link to this

Ms.Jones What business is it of anyone else whether or not you drive your child to school? That’s YOUR child and you have that right. Forget what others say. That’s the problem now, people think if you are not doing it the way they do or have done it, then it’s wrong. Go ahead and do what good for you and your kid.

By Jennifer

March 29, 2007 9:26 AM | Link to this

I think that’s an imposter, TheOne. past50mom is really nice. I may be wrong but that post is out of character for her, plus the name is misspelled.

By LM

March 29, 2007 9:27 AM | Link to this

I truly believe that my time was well spent driving my child to school, she has plently of time to socially interact at school, in the morning before the start of class, during lunch and after school. The few minutes on the car ride are just as important to me as sitting down at the dinner table is to other families, my schedule will not allow me to get home at a reasonable dinner time. We do what works best for our situations. Judging someone elses choices because they live their lives and make the choices under a different set of circumstances it very narrow minded.

By the real past50mom

March 29, 2007 9:28 AM | Link to this

The One, Someone hijacked my name! I did not post that! Keith, can you remove the post at 9:07 today? check the e-mail, it’s not me!

By Lisa

March 29, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this

TheOne—pasat50mom may NOT be past50mom. (Notice the different spelling: typo or impostor? Hmm) You are correct, it doesn’t sound like her usual comments. I am interested to see if pasat50mom is the same who usually blogs here.
past50mom—-Please respond.

As for sleeping in or not, driving or not, I think everyone should just do what works for them! Period! BTW: We sleep in and I drive. It is best for us.

By over 60 dad

March 29, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this

By the real past50mom

March 29, 2007 9:31 AM | Link to this

On topic, I hate early morning, and only one of my 3 kids was an early riser. I am all for anything you can do to make it easier on the family in the morning.

By Ms. Jones

March 29, 2007 9:32 AM | Link to this

Thank you Raqi, and all others.

By LM

March 29, 2007 9:36 AM | Link to this

past50mom, look around you, not all high schools are within walking distance. In many areas it would not be safe to let a child walk to school, bad roads and lots of heavy traffic, schools don’t have crossing guards at every intersection. I am sure you have read the paper and have heard the news about child abductions, maybe not this week, but the reality is it does happen. There are so many ways to build character, taking the chance with your childs safety is so risky.

By past50mom

March 29, 2007 9:39 AM | Link to this

Lisa, Thanks! That was NOT my post, there’s a TROLL here today.

By TheOne

March 29, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this

past50mom I thought that was very out of character for you. Thanks for clearing that up…and please disregard my comments…..they were meant for the imposter. Thanks Lisa to you too.

MsJones We are looking forward to being able to have our own schedules for a week. Thanks, hope you enjoy yours too!

By Lisa

March 29, 2007 9:48 AM | Link to this

past50mom—I usually just read and don’t comment. However, I had a feeling it wasn’t really ‘you’ b/c it didn’t sound like your usual comments.
I am sure we all do some things others wouldn’t do. A ‘friend’ thinks buying organic food is stupid, I do not. I think you have to figure out what works best for you and yours and do it! I know the school drive time I spend with my child is informative in many ways. Plus, she is special needs and I MUST furnish transportation—I do not have a choice. But, I’m not sure I would change it if I could.

By Ms. Jones

March 29, 2007 9:49 AM | Link to this

I figured someone else was using Past50mom only because the original Past50 is usually so nice and very imformative. I was shocked to see her first post this morning.

Will the real Past50Mom Please stand up?

By LM

March 29, 2007 9:54 AM | Link to this

past50mom, I too am sorry for being reactive and getting snarky. Imposter…go away. Don’t stir the pot for your own amusment. Some of us here actually get very informative information from this blog.

By past50mom

March 29, 2007 9:57 AM | Link to this

Lisa and Ms. Jones, the real me! Thank you. Actually I thought the hijacker’s comments sounded more like Sam who was slamming me several blogs ago… On topic, I think school starts way too early and it was torture for our family to get up and out the door in the dark. IMHO school should start at least an hour after sunrise!

By Jennifer

March 29, 2007 10:03 AM | Link to this

Isn’t it amusing that a person was trolling, using the name of an established commenter, but yet had concerns about children not building character by skipping out on the bus ride?

Their mom must have driven them to school.

By TheOne

March 29, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this

My daughter has always been hard to wake in the mornings, and now with her new schedule (first yr. of high school), anytime that she can sleep late, I will let her. Plus she works hard each day, gets good grades, and is in a school that is nowhere near our home b/c of the “Dual Magnet” curriculum, so I try to give her as much extra rest as she can get. We have 3 yrs, 1 mth, and appr. 27 more days to go…….ahhhhh graduation!! lol

By myalibi

March 29, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this

I have two little girls, aged 4 and 8, and I drive one to daycare (obviously) while my husband waits at the bus stop with our oldest. We don’t drive her to school simply because of time constraints in the morning.

As far as waking them up in the morning, we just “holler” upstairs that it is time to get up. As soon as I hear the moaning and groaning from them, I know they are awake. :o) For spring break, I let them sleep in until whenever they decide they want to get up. Same for weekends, unless we have somewhere to be early. Personally, I wish they would sleep later!! Sleeping late to them is about 7-7:30. I would like to be able to sleep in til about 8 on weekends, but it just doesn’t happen. We are taking the girls to Disney over their spring break this year. They are so excited they will most likely wake US up at 5:30 or 6!

In regards to the comments about riding the bus/driving the kids to school, I think it is personal choice. With so many whack jobs out there these days, you can never be too careful. Isn;t there a story in the AJC today about a teen that was raped in her own home after school yesterday?? At least when I pick my kids up from ASP and daycare in the afternoon there is an adult home with them at all times to keep an eye on them. Of course mine are younger, but when they get older I will probably look into after school clubs that keep them supervised until me or my husband can pick them up.

By RJ

March 29, 2007 10:08 AM | Link to this

Ms. Jones You are so lucky to be able to spend additional time with your child. Good for you!

I let me kids sleep as late as they want. I’m just as tired as they are. I teach middle school and have to be at work at 7:50. I have a kid in middle school and one in elementary. I stay until my 8 year old gets on the bus, then my daughter catches the bus from home by herself. This works for me.

Yes, school starts way too early, particularly elementary school. 7:30 is such an early time for young kids. I wish the time could be 8:30 instead.

By Fulton County Mom

March 29, 2007 10:09 AM | Link to this

Past50Mom (the real one) you don’t slam people! We know the real you….even when you disagreed with me on child care I never took it personal….I just thought it was a chance to point out that some people don’t choose what happens just make the best of things when they occur. That does not over rule the fact that planning is necessary!

Anyway, my point today is we know the blogger you are! :o)

By Raqi

March 29, 2007 10:11 AM | Link to this

Whether it was the “real” past50mom or not….

Everyone has a right to their opinion, just don’t place conviction or judgement on others just because it is not the way you do it.

By Koz

March 29, 2007 10:11 AM | Link to this

My 2(almost 3) yr old is out this week. I stayed out Monday and he and dad went bowling. It was his first time bowling and he had a blast (even though it took about a minute for him to get the ball to the pins). He always wakes up at the same time.

By Ms. Jones

March 29, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this

Past50Mom Welcome back!!!!

And yes, I agree, school should not start before sunrise. Where I grew up, all schools started at the same time. Except high school, which was 10 minutes behind the middle school. Go figure….

It is a pain in the butt to wake up a teenager at 5:30 a.m. But it’s a part of life….I’m so used to getting up at 5:00 every morning, that on the weekends, my body alarm clock goes off, and I just wake up at 5. Sleeping in until 7:00 is a luxury for me. But I love mornings, a brand new day, having coffee out on the deck with the birds……walking my dogs in the crisp mornings…..AAAAWWWWWW . Kind of like the first new snow that no one has walked in yet…..

By TheOne

March 29, 2007 10:20 AM | Link to this

myalibi Yes, I read that, and she was a high schooler (Parkview, I think). I hope they catch the scumbag that did that to her and castrate him. Our children are at a great risk each and every day. It is up to us to protect them as much as we can!! And I don’t stop at my child, I try to protect any that cross my path whenever the opportunity arises……it does take a village!

By meme

March 29, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this

I honestly think that we should do away with the bus altogether. Schools should be neighborhood school and everyone should be within walking distance. I know many of you will not agree with that but it is my opinion. When I started teaching, in the system where I worked, parents were responsible for getting their children to school.

By past50mom

March 29, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this

FCM, Thanks to you, too. I try to talk about the issues, my experiences, show different sides, and not attack the people. In the childcare blog I wasn’t disagreeing with you about the need for better daycare workers, but disagreeing with your comment that the government should somehow be involved in running private daycares. Daycare may be expensive, but if better educated workers were hired, then daycare costs would be out of reach for many people. So the fact is that daycare workers will probably always be less educated and less motivated to care about your kids. IMO many families could afford to have a stay at home parent if only their lifestyle was not so costly.

By Becky

March 29, 2007 10:26 AM | Link to this

Imposter of past50mom & Flo Jean,did you not read about the 15 year old that was raped after coming home from school? If someone sees that there is a parent coming in with their child each day, this might not have happened. In today’s society, you have to do whatever it takes to protect your child. So any parent that drives their “grown” child to school, don’t worry about what any nutcase has to say about you..Spend as much time with them when you can, where you can. After all that is what being a parent is all about…

By past50mom

March 29, 2007 10:38 AM | Link to this

I am off to work, so if there are any more spurious posts by the hijacker today, it’s not me. Have a good day y’all!

By Opinionated

March 29, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this

It amazes me how early school starts for the high schoolers in my county. Fortunately the elementary and middle schools start later. My daughter is in the middle school at the moment and she rides the bus. She is picked up at 8:40ish and gets home at 4:45ish. I cannot take her or pick her up since I work 8 hours a day and have a commute of 40ish minutes one way. So, she gets to sleep until 7:50. Which, of course, will change when she goes to high school - thankfully 2 years from now. She is NOT a morning person - she can be rather evil. So when she gets holidays, etc., I let her sleep in. It doesn’t matter what time she wakes up, those little horns are sticking up for about an hour!

By Ms. Jones

March 29, 2007 11:08 AM | Link to this

Opinionated You and I must have the same kid. I know those “horns” very well.

“Sometimes I wake up cranky, and sometimes I let her sleep”. ha ha ha

By FCM

March 29, 2007 11:17 AM | Link to this

My 2 will be up at the same time as always…My older one would sleep late but the little one is an early bird that wakes up the house! To bad her sib and mother are night owls!

I am not off for Spring Break…I hold my vacation for unexpected illnesses/emergencies and then use it all at Christmas time if there is any left. Last year they went their grandparents for Spring Break…this year grandma has a “real” job. Grandpa will be out of town on business. However, he often takes the “Teacher Workday” shift for me.

The child care facility has an action packed week planned. The kids will likely want to get up and go,go,go!

Additionally, with this year’s morning schedule at home, my employer was kind enough to let me work an odd shift…the rest of my team leaves 45 minutes before I do, since they come in 45 minutes before I do. During SB week I will work the regular team shift and who benefits? The kids of course because when I leave at the “correct” time I will beat traffic and be home with them in time to go to the park!! (WOO HOO I look forward to that!)

By peachykeen

March 29, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

I have a 2yo and we live and die by her schedule. Fourtunately, daycare and work about within 5 miles of home, so I get up early and get her off to “school” so I can come home and get ready myself. On weekends and vacations we try to stick to the old routine if possible so that life is a little easier for everyone. No one likes a grumpy toddler!

On a sidenote, I plan on driving my daughter to school if I can, simply because I worry about her safety and I want to spend time continually getting to know her. I want to hear about her friends, her classes, etc. I too pay taxes and if someone out there doesn’t like it that they pay for schoolbuses that kids don’t ride, tough! It’s about the greater good, folks! I don’t like how my taxes pay for some things like wars in the Middle East, but that’s why I vote for people who support bringing our troops home!

By Opinionated

March 29, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this

Ms Jones:

Not only is she NOT a morning person she is a MAJOR night owl. it used to be a battle at night getting her to go to bed and a battle getting her up - i dreaded bed time and wake-up time with her. now she goes to bed at 10:30 and gets up a little before 8:00 and that seems to work for the most part. i do have to remind her occasionally that 10:30 is the bed time - not 11:00.

it used to be horrible also because when she’d go to her father’s for the weekend (every other weekend), he would let her stay up until she fell asleep (still does this) at 2:00 a.m. and then let her get up whenever she woke up, usually 12:00. When I’d get her back on Sunday, I had a dickens of time reprogramming her - sometimes it would take a week and half and then it would get undone that next weekend!

By Becky

March 29, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

I don’t have any children & it doesn’t bother me that I pay taxes for the buses that children don’t ride. My nephew does have twins that are 4 that me & my husband get every weekend. When they start school, yes I will drive them everyday instead of them having to stand out in the dark (& cold). Do all of these people that have children not enjoy spending time with them? Before anyone starts saying that it easy for me to say this, let me say that I have been around children all of my life. I have a nephew that is only 6 yrs. younger than me & I have been babysitting since I was 7 for all 15 of my nieces & nephews, plus my 18 great’s AND to this day, I still enojy any time that I spend with all of them..

By Kerry

March 29, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this

I don’t have to deal with any of this yet, but my daughter (20 months old) is already showing signs. She’s usually a pretty early riser (never sleeps past 7:30), but we have to get her up at 6:30 during the week if I want to be at work on time. And she’s not happy about it. Thank goodness her daycare feeds her breakfast. I’d have to get her up at 6:00 if I had to wait on her to eat. It can take her 45 minutes to eat a bowl of oatmeal.

By Sarah

March 29, 2007 12:11 PM | Link to this

My mom allowed us to sleep in on spring break. Perhpas she did this so she could have a morning cup of coffee in peace and get most of her housework done without us being awake and getting in the way of her established daily routine, she was a work at home mom. I think she also thought this was a little ‘break’ for us to, the few hours of extra sleep. I recall riding to school with my father on days the weather was too bad for the wait at the bus stop, not often but it did happen. It was about the only time we had together and I still warmly recall the chats we had and how special it felt to have his undivided attention, if only for a short while. Enjoy the drive to school with your kids, they may remember the drives as I do, as something very special.

By Ms. Jones

March 29, 2007 12:14 PM | Link to this

Peachykeen We used to play Uno in the car when I would get the kids to elementary school before they would let them in the building, or play “I spy” in the parking lot at school. The kids would beg to get to school early so we could sit and play cards for 5 or 10 minutes……. 10 years later, those kids still remember playing cards with Ms. Jones before school.

By lopro

March 29, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

I don’t have any children but I cannot believe how early the schools start, particulalry in the county where I have just moved to. I am seeing kids on the buses at 5:30 in some places. This is absurd. Did anyone ever think of running schools with business hours. My wife is a teacher and she mustis AT work at 5:45 in order to get just a few things done before kids begin arriving. And we wonder why test scores are not so great. Maybe this extra early start to the day contributes somewhat to the problem.

By Ms. Jones

March 29, 2007 1:46 PM | Link to this

lopro I usually hear the high school bus going down the main street ourside our subdivision around 6:10 - 6:15 (Gwinnett County). Everytime I hear it go by, I know I have about 30 minutes before I have to leave. Its kind of like a little alarm clock for me.

By Noelle

March 29, 2007 1:51 PM | Link to this

I am letting my 15 year old sleep in. We need the break - getting up at 5:30 to be at school by 6:30-45 isn’t fun. I drive my child to school everyday - #1 it’s our bonding time - #2 IT’S SAFER AND SINCE I CAN I DO IT - She’s my responsibility.

Everyone enjoy your week next week.

By LM

March 29, 2007 1:51 PM | Link to this

Opinionated you described my daughter to a “T”, wow…how did you do that. Only difference is her father takes her about every 6 weeks for family events or holidays. It also takes a few days for her to get back in sync. Mornings she is affectionaly called Deamon Child. Add to the morning nightmare I am a morning person, once my feet hit the floor I am good to go, happy to see the sunrise, I know how much I anoy, everyone in my family and circle of friends hates me and my early morning cheerfullness. But she is the polar opposit, mean and grumpy, some mornings I bring tribut to the beast, sacrafice a bagle in hopes she will grace me with a morning smile.

By Ms. Jones

March 29, 2007 2:04 PM | Link to this

LM That’s hysterical….. I love the part about sacrificing a bagel….too funny….. I too am a morning person. 8:00 is sleeping in to me and I feel like I have missed 1/2 of the day. But on the other hand, I am ready for a nap around 4:00 in the afternoon…..

By MomOver50Too

March 29, 2007 2:10 PM | Link to this

Two teenagers — 18 and 16. Yes, I let them sleep in, but not past noon. Teenagers, especially are fairly nocturnal animals, and it’s nice for them to have a small window in which to “revert”. I could wish that high schools started a little later than they do — our school starts at 8 AM for grades K-12, and the kids prefer to leave the house between 7 and 7:15 in order to get a good parking spot and have time to leisurely get ready for the day and greet friends, instead of racing into school, papers flying every which-a-way just before the bell rings. We have a “late day” each Wednesday where the teachers have their meeting in the morning, and that 9 AM start is always a bright spot in the week. I think the kids would rather go from 9-4 instead of 8-3 — at least with mine, that’s how their biorhythms run. I sympathize, because I’m the same way! I usually don’t hit my stride until after 8 pm, but I have to force myself to go to bed before 1 AM in order to be functional at the 6:15 AM family wakeup.

By LM

March 29, 2007 2:16 PM | Link to this

Ms. Jones..how old is your child(ren)? My only daughter is 14. I remember being a teenager, but her life is so different than mine was, I feel I have little refference point in dealing with her. Pretty much have to go with the flow and get throug each day and pray I don’t make too many mistakes.

By dawn

March 29, 2007 2:20 PM | Link to this

I have one son in the 12th grade a daughter in 11th and a daughter in 8th. My oldest two now have cars but I still drive them to school because that is my time with them. They are not on the work release program at school so there is no need for them to drive to school. I go past the school in the mornings and afternoon. On the days they have football ans cheerleader practice we let them drive themselves. Of course we take turns picking up the baby from cheerleader practice at her school. My kids have never rode the bus and the bus will pick them up in front of our home. I am more comfortable with them in my car.

As far as the time changing it’s never been a big problem for us because of the fact we would drive them and they would sleep in the car. We get them up early let them eat and they nap going to school which is about 10 minutes away. During spring break we let them sleep no later than noon. We always take spring break with them. We call in our detox time. that’s when we absolutely does nothing, we think about nothing, we let nothing stress us. there can be no arguements during that time and if one of the kids choose to invite a friend over they must abide by the same. It’s ao relaxing.

By Ms. Jones

March 29, 2007 2:28 PM | Link to this

LM My daughter is VERY 16.

Up until about 7 or 8 years ago, I could sleep until noon on the weekends. But in the last several years, I guess my body clock just got used to getting up before the birds, and that’s how I am now. Very rarely do I sleep past 8.

My daughter can sleep until noon or 1:00 on the weekends. I don’t mind, I can get so much done before she gets up and I like having the morning to myself. She has a part time job, and on the weekends will work until about 10:00 or 10:30. So I don’t mind if she sleeps all morning…..

By Opinionated

March 29, 2007 3:08 PM | Link to this

Well, LM, I’m not a morning person but once my feet hit the floor I’m good to go (haven’t always been that way). Thankfully, the older she gets the better it gets with bed time. I don’t have as difficult a time getting her up but she’s still the “Demon Child” for an hour or so after she gets up. Also, she only goes every three weeks to her father’s now. It isn’t as hard to convince her to go to bed when she gets back cuz she is so dog tired from staying up all night at her father’s. I also don’t have to reprogram her since she knows and understands the consequences of not getting her sleep (ie falling asleep in class, etc.)

By ProudMom

March 29, 2007 3:23 PM | Link to this

Good day everybody Hey Past50Mom I just read your blog from this morning. I too walked to school, but we are living in different times now. I see nothing wrong with driving a teenager to the bus stop and being there when she gets off. I drive my 12-year old to the bus stop and it’s in my subdivision. People are being snatched all day long. So a little spoiling and a whole heap of preventing something going awry. Criminals are so dang blazen and are children are truly suffering at their hands.

By LM

March 29, 2007 3:38 PM | Link to this

When Demon Child was just a baby, she never woke up and just played in the crib. It was sleep, open eyes and scream. When her father still lived with us I’d send him in to the beast, he was just better at getting her going in the morning. One day he was standing too close when she went to swinging and she hit him someplace really painful. She used to be really good at going to bed, just in the last few years she has gotten to be the night owl. I don’t get too fussy about bed time, I figure she is the one who has to pay the price if she stays up to late, same way mom cured me of staying up and reading all night long. I was tickled when she started high school this year, she has to get up so early now, I get some sweet pleasure/revenage now that she has to get up so early. I pretty much let her sleep in on weekends also, she only has a little bit of time left before she must get a job and the responsibilities of working weekends and nights. Sacrifical Bagel is one way to get a better start on the morning. I have even done ice cream with ceral sprinkled on it, before I get bashed, dr suggested it since she was losing weight and we were trying to get her to gain back the 20lbs she lost which she didn’t have it to lose.

By Ms. Jones

March 29, 2007 3:51 PM | Link to this

LM You and I are SO much alike…..

We think the same way.

By Opinionated

March 29, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

My Demon Child stopped taking naps when she was 3. She would not for the life of me go to sleep - I tried everything. She wouldn’t go to sleep at night either. There were many a night I’d walk by (after putting her down at 8:00) at 10:00 and she’d still be wide awake! There were times she’d be up until 12:00 and it wore my tail end out! I was at my wits end! Her pediatrician suggested that I start giving her some Benadryl about an hour before bed time (she also had killer allergies) and it should knock her right out. Well, I tell you Benadryl is a miracle! I should have bought stock in the company that makes it cuz I bought the store OUT!

However, it didn’t cure the morning Demon Child. I may implement the sacrificial bagel - maybe it’ll make a difference in the ‘tude…

By Opinionated

March 29, 2007 4:01 PM | Link to this

LM, Ms. Jones, we all think alike.

BTW, Ms. Jones, I also live in Gwinnett and them stinkin’ buses come by way too early for the high schoolers. I don’t understand why they have to start so early. They also are out of school at 2 frickin’ o’clock! That is ridiculous!

By LM

March 29, 2007 4:16 PM | Link to this

We just moved from Gwinnett to Spalding, south of Atlanta. DC would have gone to Berkmar, she was on the permissive transfer to Hull and that school saved us. I would have loved her to have gone to Peachtree Ridge, but the transportation issues with a permissive transfer were too difficult, my mom, who is not in great shape, would do the afternoon pick up and the effort got to be too much. The end of middle school seemed like a perfect time to move in with my BF and start her in a new hs, Spalding is not too bad either, and she is doing well is school and finaly starting to get some friends.

By Opinionated

March 29, 2007 4:42 PM | Link to this

My DC is at Berkmar Middle (Hwy 29) and will go to Berkmar HS. I can’t handle transportation with her only being school 6 and a half hours a day; I could get her there or I could pick her up but not both so a transfer somewhere else isn’t feasible for us.

Fortunately DC has always done well grades wise. However, she had a really tough time making friends until she was admitted into the gifted program. Now she’s with kids as smart and mature as she is and has made some really good friends. Hopefully they will remain that way when they go to HS.

By J

March 29, 2007 5:15 PM | Link to this

I have a 6 yr old in Kindergarten and a 4 year old in preschool. We are very lucky to live in a part of Cherokee county where the three elementary schools in our district don’t start till 8:45. Everywhere else in the county starts at 7:30 or so. I still have to get them up at 6 because I have to be at work at 7:30, and she has to go to before school, so we can’t really benefit from the late time start. I’m a prek teacher by the way. It would be nice to start the school day later. We dislike mornings, and we will sleep to our hearts content over spring break because I’m tired too. Ah, bliss is a leisurely morning in pajamas, a good egg n pancake breakfast, and cup o coffee at 10 in the morning. Over break we usually start getting dressed around 10 or 11.

By FormerTeacher

March 30, 2007 8:27 AM | Link to this

Teachers share parents’ concerns about school start times. In answer to many of your questions—this is why school starts at stupid times:

The system is trying to maximize bus use. In other words, they’re trying to get all the routes run with the fewest buses and the fewest drivers, which ultimately means that elem/middle/high schools have to have staggered times so the buses can run all three routes. So, it’s not educators and parents who decide what’s the best learning routine for children, it’s the guy who runs the bus system.

It sounds inane, and in some ways it is. On the flip side, when you look at how expensive it is to run a bus system, you would want to pinch pennies there, to save that money for teachers, books, technology, facilities, etc.

The easiest answer would be go to back to the way it was when most of us were children—it was our parents’ jobs, not the schools to get us to school and back home again. It would free up so much money and time for the schools to be able to make decisions in the best interest of the learning environment, not the bus route. Woefully, that will never happen, however, as so many of us have become dependent on the system to take care of our kids (in addition to educating them) while we run the rat race with a two-income household. In many ways, things are so much more complicated now than how they were when we were kids—traffic, property values, gas prices, interest rates, etc.

Has anyone read “The Two-Income Trap: Why Middle-Class Mothers and Fathers Are Going Broke” by Warren and Tyagi? Interesting socio-economic look at how we keep bringing in more money, but keep getting poorer. Not blaming working parents at all, just looking at why two incomes aren’t going as far as just one used to.

And to answer the question bluntly: Spring Break is a break, and we will stay up late, sleep in, eat pizza for breakfast, and do all sorts of ridiculous things…because we can.

By fk

March 30, 2007 8:36 AM | Link to this

Although spring break has always been a welcomed break, I always found the last weeks of school following spring break difficult. It is hard to get back into the swing of things after a week of fun in the nice weather, especially if we had taken a trip. The kids realize that the learning is over for the most part, and that they will be reviewing for tests for most of the coming weeks. And, I agree, daylight savings made it even more difficult when he was younger.

I have one child, 16, who does not yet have his driver’s license. He’s working on it, but mom is not ready. He is a sophomore in high school. He has taken the bus to school since the first day of kindergarten. The exception was in middle school when he had a lot of morning activities, plus we had a group of juvenile delinquents, whose parents had blinders on. At least three kids had out-of-school suspensions. Naturally, the bus driver and teachers were picking on them.

I tend to let my son sleep in on days when there is no school…unless he has big plans. Then, he needs to tend to what needs to be done (the dog) before he takes off. This year spring break is worriesome for me. It is the first year that I will not be around in the afternoons to check up…and his friends are driving. My stomach churns thinking about it.

My son can be incredibly poky. It drives us crazy. However, he can move briskly when he has to be somewhere that he wants to be. School mornings were always a struggle. He catches the bus at 7:40. When he started middle school, I stopped getting up before him. We argued each morning. I felt it was a bad way to start the day, so I let fend for himself and he has done just fine. Yes, I do a lot of tongue biting when I pick him up after practice when I see what he’s chosen as a matching outfit. Most of the times, it looks as though he just pulled everything out of the hamper, but it works for him, so it works for us.

By Ms. Jones

March 30, 2007 8:56 AM | Link to this

…we keep bringing in more money, but keep getting poorer

I think that may be that alot of people live way beyond their means. Credit card debt could be one of the contributing factors. I have several friends who live on their credit cards. I have no credit cards, and only have one debit card, and when the money runs out, well, the darn thing won’t work.

I think if people should cut up their credit cards and pay cash for everything, especially food (grocery store) and dinners out. My philosophy is “If I don’t have the cash, I don’t get the product”..

I’m trying to teach my daughter, that when she does start to get offers from credit card companies, to only get one, and NEVER EVER put meals or grocery items on a credit card. I told her it is insane to pay 23% or more for something she consumed two weeks ago……and to only charge what she can afford to pay in one month. I learned my credit card lesson in my 20s.
Everything, except my house, is paid for in full in cash…..Vehicle included.

By Reality Check

March 30, 2007 8:57 AM | Link to this

There are too many parents that pamper their children. “I just want to spend more quality time with Johnny” just means “I am spoiling my child because I feel guilty”.

If your child is unable to walk to school, they should be riding the BUS!

FormerTeacher: The book that you mentioned - The Two Income Trap is an excellent read. Many of the dual income parents on this blog would benefit from this greatly.

By Koz

March 30, 2007 9:06 AM | Link to this

Opinionated I can’t belive you medicated your child to get her to go to sleep.

I’ve found that a little outside play in the late afternoon for my son helps him go right to sleep.

And I know you’re just kidding about the Demon Child moniker but why? Even if it is all in fun I was taught never to degrade your children even if you are just joking. My mom never called me a brat or Demon Child or anything similar. I try to follow the same rule for my son.

By Ms. Jones

March 30, 2007 9:27 AM | Link to this

Koz I think LM stated she “affectionately” referred to her daughter as Demon Child, and opinionated referenced DC for her child too. Nothing wrong with that. I call my daughter all sorts of names..affectionately!!!! And she knows it too….

By past50mom

March 30, 2007 9:41 AM | Link to this

Koz, Opiniated said she gave the Benedryl on advice of her child’s pediatrician. I was advised to take it before bedtime by my doctor because of allergies and an itchy skin condition that makes it hard for me to go to sleep during spring and fall pollen seasons. Apparently Benadryl contains a lower dosage of the same chemical in sleeping medicine. It works for me. And if you have allergic children their pediatrician can help with comfort, behavior and sleep issues!

By FormerTeacher

March 30, 2007 9:41 AM | Link to this

Ms. Jones,

Yes, what a valuable lesson you are teaching your daughter. Actually, though, this book takes an even deeper look and surmises that the main reason 2-income families are going under may not necessarily be the “latte factor,” it’s the increasing costs of just living. They really take a hard look at housing costs, and what it costs now to get a house in what most would consider a “good” school district. And how possibly, our two-income economic paradigm is actually contributing to inflating housing prices…a squirrel on a wheel…

By LM

March 30, 2007 10:00 AM | Link to this

Ms. Jones. We do think alike. I too only live on a cash basis. I have a few credit cards, but don’t use them. The only reason I got them was to get the discount on a purchase then paid the balance off on the first statement; I am all for saving money. I am planning on opening a checking account for her to learn now on how to be more money savvy than I was at her age. I also discuss our financial situation with her so she can see how planning can effect spending and vise versa.

By Reality Check

March 30, 2007 10:13 AM | Link to this

Ms. Jones - Good for you for keeping your finances in check. No one should live in debt. Question: Are you and your spouse living this way one income or two?

By LM

March 30, 2007 10:14 AM | Link to this

I knew someone here would find offence to my daughter morning nickname (demon child). The nickname I use the most is Baby Angel. She has many nicknames depending on the situation and for the most part she loves my pet names for her. There is only one she does not like me to call her in front of strangers and I respect her enough not to call her that name in front of others. I also “drugged” my child to help her get some sleep, Benadryl and Dimetapp became good friends in our household, we then had to move onto Tarazadon (prescribed) to help her sleep. I know I am not a perfect parent and I have made plenty of mistakes, but affectionate nicknames and helping my child sleep are not mistakes in my eyes. Not teaching her manners or responsibility for her actions, being fiscally irresponsible, and teaching her to not take into consideration others before she acts in my mind are bigger mistakes.

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this

Koz, you can sit there in judgement all you wish but you were not walking in my shoes, as the saying goes.

As I said in earlier posts I was at my wits end. She stopped taking naps when she was 3. She played (and still does) outside every day for HOURS. NOTHING I did would get her to go to sleep either at nap time or at night time. It was a battle at every turn. For YEARS, every SINGLE night it was a battle. Most nights she would not go to sleep before midnight even after not taking a nap. You’d think she would be very tired and sleepy - NOT!

The benadryl and a warm to hot bath a half hour to an hour before bedtime would do the trick. Even then she would fight it.

Now that she is 12, I don’t have to worry that she’s going to hurt herself if she stays up after I go to bed. But it was very nerve wracking when she was younger.

By Ms. Jones

March 30, 2007 10:22 AM | Link to this

Hey LM, my daughter just got a part time job, and gets paid every Monday. She is seeing nothing but dollar signs right now. We opened a savings account for her about a year ago. I am trying to teach her how to save, and save for purchases she wants. WHile she is still living off my dime, she has to put at least 50% of every paycheck into her savings account. It’s a custodial account, and she does not have an ATM card or cannot take any money out without my signature.
Also, she has to plan how much she needs each week. I pay for her lunches at school, but if she wants the Chick-Fil-A biscuit on Friday, she has to purchase it. She wanted the new Chocolate phone, and I told her I was tired of buying phones. So, she saved for three weeks, bought the phone, and let me tell you what great care she takes care of that phone.
I know she appreciates it more because she purchased it with her money…..I think that’s a great lesson. My dad taught me that. WHen I was a teen driver and all my friends were getting cars from their parents, my dad said no, that I would appreciate it more if I purchased it myself. AND I DID.

By Ms. Jones

March 30, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this

Reality check I’m a single parent (no child support either). I guess that’s why I don’t do credit cards. Too easy to run them up, and I’m the only money maker…..

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this

Also, Koz, I would never call my daughter “Demon Child” or “brat” to her face. It was only used to describe her attitude in the morning and an apt description at that. Everyone on here knew what I was talking about when I used that term although I would never use it when talking directly to her.

However, if I did, she would know that I was only kidding because she knows that I love her and we have a good relationship. She knows what she is like in the morning.

By LM

March 30, 2007 11:04 AM | Link to this

Ms. Jones. I was hoping to get my daughter motivated with money. She saves and wont go buy something unless she really puts some thought into it. She got her first phone just about 1 1/2 years ago, loved it at first, then it became out of style and she wanted a new phone. Not out of my pocket, and she did not want to “buy” her own, our plan allows us to get new phones this summer and if she wants an upgrade at that time it is out of her pocket or considered her b’day present. I made some terrible mistakes when she was small, just trying to over compensate for my rough childhood and did more and got her more than she really needed. I am paying the price now and have been on this path of retraining ourselve. My impules to spoil and her to expect to get more than she deserved. Her father had a breakdown on her sixth b’day, got violent and that was the end of our family. that is my other guilt, since I was the one to kick him out, but I was not going to put hers and my safety on the line. She still resents the divorce but does see the reasons behind it.

By Past50MomToo

March 30, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this

Reality Check, you’re coming across as a bit judgemental. What is it with you and the darn bus, and why does choosing to drive your child to school suddenly make someone a guilt-ridden spoiler of children? You appear to have a rather romantic view of riding the bus as a character-building and economically responsible exercise, to be preferred to a snatched moment of one-on-one time with your child.

In my situation, with teenagers in a prviate school, if we took the bus, the kids would have to get up a half-hour earlier to make the bus, and we’d have to drive half-way to school in order for them to MEET the bus. Seems a little silly, especially given the degree of sleep-deprivation most of these kids have, anyway. My kids get home from sports practices around 6-6:30, we eat dinner, and then they are doing homework from 7:30 until 11 or midnight. That extra half-hour in the morning is GOLDEN.

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this

LM, it is a tough to get over the guilt of past decisions and the actions taken because of it. It is also tough when others tug on the guilt string too (such as kids and ex’s). You have taken great strides in realizing that guilt drove you to spoil your kid. It is definitely better to fix things now than later - she may resent you now but she will understand eventually. Just keep loving her and doing what is best for her (showing restraint and teaching about money) and you will have a well-adjusted kid who loves you.

My daughter has had a phone for about 3 years now - I know that there will be some who will slam me for this but again until you walk in my shoes don’t judge.

Whenever she went to her father’s for the weekend, extended holidays and summer, he would never answer their home phone or his cell when he saw that I was calling. He also wouldn’t let her call me. When she was 9 she was having migraines (a result of a brain tumor), I couldn’t get in touch with her and her with me so I decided I would get her a cell phone to enable this communication. I locked the phone down so she (and whoever else decided to use the phone - i.e. her father) could only call the numbers in the address book and no one except me could add new numbers. She has received one new phone since then because she drowned the other one - but she has learned a lot of responsibility while taking care to not lose it, etc.

By LM

March 30, 2007 12:05 PM | Link to this

Opinionated How is your daughter now? How are you doing also. That must have been overwhelming to go through. I know God gives us stregth when we need it, but during times of need we forget to ask for help.

I learned, and I am making the necessary changes and my DD is understanding a majority of the time.

I had the best night last night….she came into my bedroom and snuggled up and told me about her day and what was going on is school. Loved the snuggle time!

By LM

March 30, 2007 12:09 PM | Link to this

Opinionated How is your daughter now? How are you doing also. That must have been overwhelming to go through. I know God gives us stregth when we need it, but during times of need we forget to ask for help.

I learned, and I am making the necessary changes and my DD is understanding a majority of the time.

I had the best night last night….she came into my bedroom and snuggled up and told me about her day and what was going on is school. Loved the snuggle time!

By Ms. Jones

March 30, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this

I understand the guilt thing too. I sometimes do over-compensate due to the fact that my daughter’s father walked (Single Parent Syndrome I call it). I feel so bad for her that he is not in her life, as my Dad was very involved with mine and my brother’s lives. My parents were married 40 years when he died. About the only male influence my daughter has is my brother, and a very dear male friend of mine.

By Ms. Jones

March 30, 2007 12:22 PM | Link to this

LM OMG, my daughter came into my room Wednesday night, and crawled into be with me, snuggled and watched tv for a bit.
I can’t help but think, I feel so special, that she came to me. Most 16 year old girls don’t “like” their mothers.

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 1:04 PM | Link to this

LM, she is doing absolutely fabulous. She had to have brain surgery to get it removed, then had chemical menigitis (caused by steriods) and staff infections, and then to top it all off she had hyperglycemia (also caused by steriods). She was in and out of the hospital 3 times (a week each) over a 5 week period. But she is fully recovered and none the worse for wear because of it. It WAS a truly tough time because I stayed at the hospital the whole time she was there but my parents came to help out. My mom stayed with me for 8 weeks. I am utterly blessed to have such great parents and such a great daughter. Her father on the other hand was no help at all - he brought his new wife, the 1 year old baby, her family, his family and stayed in the room talking about her to everyone that called. She was so worn out by them! I finally had to kick them all out! He was there to get all the attention of having a sick child but didn’t help with the care and cost!

But it is behind us now - she’s in the gifted program making straight A’s and she is 1st chair on the clarinet in her band. She’s been chosen by her band instructor to go to a band clinic to which only a select few can go.

It is very special when they come and cuddle/snuggle and want to spend time with you. The same thing happened to me the last couple of nights - I think she is realizing that spring break is almost upon us and she will be going to her father’s for the week. She doesn’t like to go there because he doesn’t spend time with her so it gets stressful for her around the time she has to go.

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 1:09 PM | Link to this

MS Jones, you are special! I’ve seen a lot of kids younger than 16 that don’t like their mothers! You can always tell when parents have done the right things by their kids by how the kid is when they are 14, 15, 16 years old. My daughter is only 12 (and definitely acts the teenager) but she would much rather be with me than most anyone else because she knows that I take good care of her, protect her and love her.

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 1:26 PM | Link to this

Ms. Jones, I can also understand where you are coming from as far as how involved my daughter’s father is in her life. He isn’t! He takes her for the visitation but does nothing with her - he’s just doing it so she isn’t with me! He never calls her. So, I feel really bad for her and try to make sure she gets attention from me on a daily basis.

By Ms. Jones

March 30, 2007 1:52 PM | Link to this

My brother just went through a nasty divorce. They worked out a great custody agreement, she gets the kids one week, he gets them the next week. She bought a house within 2 miles of his, and so far the kids are adjusting. (but I think they are happier with my brother, he kept the house).

However, whenever she drops the kids off at my brother’s, the oldest one just cries and cries. It’s because her mother puts such a guilt trip on her, telling her “This is what YOU wanted”. (the oldest is 15 was able to decide to who she wanted to live with, of course both!!).
Then her mother says terrible things to her, like she took her and three of her friends on a trip for her birthday, then laid a major guilt trip on her, saying now she had to get another job to pay for the trip. TO her face, in front of her friends. I would NEVER talk to my daughter like that. She has no idea the damage she is doing to that kid.

By LM

March 30, 2007 2:19 PM | Link to this

Ms. Jones..UGH!! what a nasty ex-SIL. That is one thing I hope my ex and I have done. Things were awful at first and I have a lot of anger towards him, but he is her father and she loves him, so I hope I have never done something to disrespect him to her, and I believe he has shown respect towards me in front of her. I know in time she will see things as they really are, through more adult eyes and understand what she perceives is not always right. I see her little by little realizing what is going on. My hope is she respects me for my choices and never showing her my frustration.

Her stepsister just turned 18 and she has realized she does not really know her and that is because her father did not make the effort to get the girls together. She is hurt and angry and feels she lost her sister and it was out of her control. He also will not defend his her when either his mother or his new wife says or does something against her. He has never taken her on vacation. He takes her only for holidays and family events. He has stepgrandkids just a few years younger than his daughter and his wife does for them and her two daughters but she pretty much is ignored and she is starting to see this. My biggest issue is she is angry with her father but she takes if out on my SO because he is doing for her what she thinks her father should do. She really loves my SO but the anger at her father is projected on to him.

By Ms. Jones

March 30, 2007 2:22 PM | Link to this

Thank you everyone for this wonderful discussion. No one got ugly, and I feel like I have new blog friends.

We are all fabulous mothers!!!!! And I think we each deserve a pat on our backs……go ahead Ya’ll, start patting…….

Have a great weekend, and fun on spring break with your kids.

WE ARE AWESOME!!!!!!

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 2:24 PM | Link to this

Yeah, I know what you are saying. My ex says that since he pays me child support ($500/mo) that I am responsible for EVERYTHING when she is with me and when she is with him. He wouldn’t buy blinds for her room at his house (I bought them), he wanted me to pay for her to go with them to Disney (tickets & food) - I took her because I wanted to be the one that enjoyed the time with her and the money I spent on her. He asks her all the time about how much money I earn (I think he thinks he pays too much in CS). He wouldn’t help pay for her hospital stay. My daughter hears him argue with his wife about the piddling little bit of money he does spend on her. They got into an argument over the glasses she needed to have (his wife thinks my daughter doesn’t need glasses - she’s not a doctor but she doesn’t think my daughter needs glasses) and whether I hit him up for money for them. The wife also made a big deal about buying clothes for my daughter last summer (my daughter even asked me if it was okay for them to get her clothes - I, of course, said “go for it”). They didn’t do it because they felt that since I could afford to buy a new car (I needed a good reliable car - got a Honda Civic - to get back and forth to work and to Chattanooga where we meet to do the child swap on visitation weekends) I could afford to buy her clothes. It goes on and on and on.

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 2:30 PM | Link to this

Yeah, my daughter really loves her father too but doesn’t understand why he doesn’t spend time with her or money on her. Once when I told her that I couldn’t afford to do something that she wanted to do, my daughter turns around on me and says “Well he pays you blah blah blah and so you should be able to afford to do this”. I found out that he and his lovely wife took it upon themselves to notify my daughter what he pays me in child support. I tell you I was ready to spit nails! This was two years ago and she now understands now what’s what but I couldn’t believe he did that. He at every turn tries to undermine me with my daughter as well as control me through her.

By Ms. Jones

March 30, 2007 2:36 PM | Link to this

LM That is awful.

My daughter has 4 half-sisters (same father, different mothers, but that’s a whole other topic…..) and has only met one, about 6 years ago. We lost touch with them, and it really makes me sad. It’s sad to know you have siblings out there that you have never met, and probably never will.

We have not seen or heard from her father in over 10 years. That was a huge issue for her, LOTS of anger (and of course it was taken out on me, but she was very young). He came and picked her up one Saturday afternoon for a couple of hours, and brought her back, stood right there and said to her face “See you next weekend” and we never heard from him again!!!!

By Lynn

March 30, 2007 2:38 PM | Link to this

Opinionated…it gets better, I promise. My ex still hates me for leaving him and his perfect little world but the girls are older now & voice their own opinions. Your daughter will realize whats going on soon enough & things will fall into place at the right time. Just hang in there!

By Ms. Jones

March 30, 2007 2:44 PM | Link to this

When I was married to my daughter’s father, he had a daughter from his previous marriage. He had every other weekend visitation, and paid a whopping $200/mo child support. Every other weekend turned into two weeks at a time with us(before she started school) and we usually had her the entire summer. This was MY choice, for a couple of reasons. One, I was childless at the time, wanted a child, and fell in love with his, she was 2 at the time. The other reason, was, it gave her mother a chance to work overtime to make extra money. I knew $200 a month wasn’t much (hated paying it, but did anyway).
The daughter had her own room, her own clothes, toys, friends, etc. at our house, so it felt homey to her. She very rarely needed to pack her bags to go back and forth. She used to call me “Mommy Bear”, and her mother used to introduce me to her friend’s as her daughter’s “Other Mother”. We had such a great relationship. After I divorced my hubby, his first ex-wife and I became very good friends. However, we have lost touch over that last several years. She remarried and moved, and I truly miss them. Her daughter is now around 23 years old.

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 2:54 PM | Link to this

Yeah, Lynn, so I’ve been told. However, we’ve been divorced 8 years! And he’s remarried! You’d think it would have gotten better by now. I had a talk with my daughter just last night about the fact that she can tell him what she needs from him now. He doesn’t listen to me (he thinks I’m lying or trying to control him). I told her she can tell him that she wants to do something with just him (without the wife, the stepsister and the half brother). I mean he should know when she’s coming there (I make a calendar every year with the dates she’s coming there) and not make other plans! Just Monday, my daughter called him about something and while she was on the phone with him I asked her to remind him that we were meeting on Saturday rather than Friday. He started getting bent out of shape with her. I took the phone and told him that it was better to meet this time on Saturday so he and I wouldn’t have to take time off work and my daughter wouldn’t have to taken out of school early. He still was bent until I reminded him that this was Spring Break and he had her for a week! I don’t understand how he cannot know what the schedule is - I think he just doesn’t care.

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 3:04 PM | Link to this

Ms. Jones, I think I would have loved you as a stepmother to my daughter. The one she has now couldn’t care less about my daughter. Another example, they (the ex, the wife, stepsister and half-brother) took my daughter with them to Indiana for the wife’s brother’s wedding. I was supposed to meet them in Chattanooga on Sunday when they were on the their way back from the wedding. We were supposed to meet at 4:00 but the ex and my daughter didn’t show up until 6:30. Why, you ask? Well, apparently the wife decided that HER kids couldn’t be in the car any longer and wanted to take them home and then the ex could bring my daughter to Chattanooga! My daughter heard all this and was very upset by it but didn’t want me to talk to them about it because she didn’t want to rock the boat.

By Ms. Jones

March 30, 2007 3:20 PM | Link to this

Here’s another good one.

My ex-sister-in-law took her two girls out shopping the other day. She told them to go pick out what they wanted, and put it in the cart. After they went through the entire store gathered up what they wanted, she looked at the girls and said, “now that you know what you want, go tell your father, because I don’t have any money, he has it all.” And they left the store. Two broken hearted girls.

But my brother did take them shopping, got their clothes, and told them they had to leave everything at his house.

By LM

March 30, 2007 3:31 PM | Link to this

I agree, most of the time I just lurk in the background, got tired of the trolls stirring things up. I know I am not perfect and I don’t need some troll taking it upon themselves to wreck havoc on my confidence. I have enjoyed the last two days, I too feel like I have made some blog friends with similar issues. It is nice to get others input and suggestions and I appreciate you responses.

Ex is better now he was diagnoised as bi-polar shortly after his breakdown and refused to take meds for awhile, a few scary nights of running but most of the time is was okay. My DD has behavioral issues, she is ADHD, depressed and bi-polar so she is a roller coaster of emotions most of the time and I feel ill equiped to cope somedays. Medication helps but only when she takes it and if she forgets, it becomes very scary. A few weeks ago I was ready to take her to the hospital and have her admitted, she was pulling out her hair and twisting her skin and trying to pull her lips off. I have no close friends with girls her age and between the hormones and the other issues I’d just like to get suggestions on better ways to handel the breakdowns, her counslor is a big help, but it is theroy and practial is a diffent story in the middle of the storm.

By LM

March 30, 2007 3:44 PM | Link to this

Opinionated and Ms. Jones

WTF, how could anyone be so mean to a child, even if it is not your own. I tried to keep in contact with my daughter’s sister, invited her on a few outings shortly after the divorce but she had a lot of other drama in her life and I was just more so she shut me out. I don’t blame her and missed her so much, but I was lucky enough once to get her to come stay the weekend at my SO’s place, not a great weekend, but it was really great to see her and spend time with her.

By Ms. Jones

March 30, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this

Ya’ll have a great weekend. I’m outta here.

The last two days have been wonderful. I hope to see you all here next week.

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 4:02 PM | Link to this

Ohhhh, Ms. Jones, my heart breaks for your nieces.

It is very similar to how the step mother is for my daughter. IF they buy her ANYTHING she has to leave it there - uh, yeah, like I would keep it. I always make sure she has what she needs - shampoo, body wash, combs, clothes, etc. - with her when she goes there because they won’t buy it for her. If she forgets and leaves the stuff there, they will use it (sometimes all the way up)! Then they have the audacity to tell me what I should be doing differently - i.e. different shampoo, longer hair, etc.

By LM

March 30, 2007 4:06 PM | Link to this

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 4:09 PM | Link to this

Well, LM, I think it is all about control. Many people put the kids in the middle and absolutely refuse to do it. I do what I think is best for my daughter whether it goes against the ex and his wife. I drive my daughter to Chattanooga (it’s halfway between where he lives and where I live) so that she can have her time with her father and so she can see that I’m not keeping her from him. I hate the drive and so does she but he won’t come here because he doesn’t want to be a “hotel” dad yet when he has her there he doesn’t spend time with her! At least if he were to come here, he’d HAVE to spend time with her!

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 4:14 PM | Link to this

I meant that I absolutely refuse to put my daughter in the middle.

By LM

March 30, 2007 4:26 PM | Link to this

Just makes you wonder what is going through his mind. He will regret it. Karma is going to bite him in the hinnie and she is not going to be there for him.

I don’t meet her father anymore, I have and I am not against meeting him. A few weeks ago he was brining her back, traffic was a mess, I offered to meet him, he said he would call when got closer to the half way point. I called and he was lost, got off the highway to bypass the traffic and got stupid lost, I didn’t know where he was to meet up and said call me as soon as you get a location. I waited then called back, by that time he was back on hwy 75 only a few exits from our place. Since I did not meet him, my daughter got the impression I was just playing games with him. He does have road rage really bad and may have said some ugly things. SO I got the cold shoulder from her for a few days, but once I got her to open up and talk to me I got a chance to explain my view of what happened. Since then I don’t make an effort to meet half way.

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 4:42 PM | Link to this

Yeah, the main thing I hate about meeting my ex is that he is more often than not late - up to 3 hours a couple times. He doesn’t plan his time well and must think his time is more important than mine. He’s always wanting to change the location (me drive further) and the time. If I allow that to happen then it is a given that he will be at least an hour late. It upsets my daughter because we both end up waiting a long time for him.

By Opinionated

March 30, 2007 4:43 PM | Link to this

Well, I need to make tracks and get out of here. Traffic is going to be a bear and I want to spend some quality time with my daughter before I take her to meet her father tomorrow. So you have a good weekend!

By LM

March 30, 2007 4:48 PM | Link to this

You too, enjoy your night with your daughter.