MOMania

By past50mom

March 27, 2007 8:58 AM | Link to this

You get what you pay for. Look at the facility; high number of kids per caretaker or low? Talk to the caretakers; standard English or NOT? Watch the kids at play; quiet and disciplined for quiet activities, or chaotic? In-home daycare is even dicier; what family members are there are on a regular basis, and how do they interact with the kids? For those who can find a way financially, SAHM or SAHD is the best bet for the children. Many single moms do not have a choice, BUT there are plenty of two parent families who have to have it all, the big house, furniture, new cars, clothes and lifestyle, and of course two incomes to pay for it all. The result is that the children play second fiddle to worthless materialism. Our children are young for such a short time, and surely more people could find a way to get by with less in order to be home with their children. (anne, are you reading?)

By Fulton County Mom

March 27, 2007 8:59 AM | Link to this

Keith be real. Parents who can afford the LEXUS of daycares are doing it. The rest of the world is getting whatever they can for the money. Daycare is EXPENSIVE. Teacher turnover is more to blame for disruptive behavior than anything else in daycare. How can you teach consistancy if the teachers aren’t consistant?

It is time to get our heads out of our collective nether region. 2 income households or single parenting households are common. Stop punishing everyone and get some consistancy in these schools…and yes some HOPE scholarship money would be better spent here than on the college brats.

By des

March 27, 2007 9:11 AM | Link to this

Fultoncomom I agree with you. They need to raise standards for HOPE. Most kids can only keep it one semester before they lose it anyway. I am also concerned with what else they do with lottery funds, like build palatial buildings for the long list of superintendents of this, that and the other.

I chose a home day care. The person was certified and insured. The atmosphere was structured. She had certified people to fill in for an emergency. She was strict and if she could not discipline a child, she wouldn’t take them. My son love it there.

By TheOne

March 27, 2007 9:14 AM | Link to this

Daycare isn’t the culprit…..it’s the parents who allow their kids to say and do anything that’s the problem!!! Instead of being so focused on letting little Billy express himself, teach him the do’s and don’ts of being a child/adult/human being.

Off topic…

I am trying to find mother/daughter look alike contests in and around Atlanta. Does anyone know of any? Thanks in advance…

By past50mom

March 27, 2007 9:19 AM | Link to this

FC Mom, Daycare workers are largely less educated, less well paid, and so less motivated to care about someone else’s kid. That is the reason for the high turnover rate. Daycare should be far less common for two parent families that could live a simpler lifestyle on one income and NOT sacrifice the early childhood upbringing of their children to a bunch of minimum waged adults.

By Meg

March 27, 2007 9:27 AM | Link to this

I totally agree with past50mom. It’s just wrong to leave your kids if you don’t have to, if you don’t think you’ll want to spend time with them or actually raise them then don’t have any. I home school and it’s shocking the number of Moms who say “I wouldn’t want my kids home all day” or “I love it when school starts and I can get rid of them.” Jeepers, I LIKE being around my kids. The more I’m around them the more I appreciate them.

By WasteOfMoney

March 27, 2007 9:29 AM | Link to this

A child always learns things from the environment he or she is in and it would have an impact on the child for several months and even years. This goes on for many years of the childhood as the child grows. While the day care workers may have their share of influence over a child’s learning and behavior, most small children learn from other children they spend time with. How and to what extent is some parent going to know or control what type of children your child spends time with. Same thing applies to with time spends with siblings and with the neighborhood kids. Many things are part of growing up. All this is very obvious to almost all parents. There is no need for investigating and reporting this over six years and maybe spending millions of dollars on it. Use common sense and spend the money on better things which may make actual difference.

By Georgia

March 27, 2007 9:43 AM | Link to this

I don’t believe it’s the day care’s fault how children grow up. It’s the parents responsibility to raise their own kids. My daughter started day care at the tender age of 2 months. I had to go back to work to support us. She is now 16 and is a wonderful young lady. She has been raised to be respectful and tolerant.
I have never had any behavioural issues with her because of the time she spent in day care…… Although I wanted to stay home and raise her without daycare, that wasn’t in the cards for me. I had to put her in day care and I think it benefited her in the early years, and prepared her for school, and social settings. I think the kids who don’t go to day care, and stay home with Momma until the first day of Kindergarten are the ones with behavioural issues. They haven’t been socialized…….

By Mandy

March 27, 2007 9:52 AM | Link to this

The reason for the high turn over rate in daycares is the fact that they’re trying to make a profit. The starting pay for a daycare employee is 6.50. I’ve been working in daycares to get myself through college. I hold an associates degree in early childhood education, and partake in childcare training classes strictly for work, not for college credit. I love my job, consider myself good at what I do, and have 5 years experience so far. Despite this, not many facilities are willing to pay me more than that 6.50 because there are a ton of 18 yr olds fresh out of high school willing to do the same job for that pay. I think parents need to consider how their teachers are being compensated because that makes a big difference in how seriously they take their job.

By FCM

March 27, 2007 9:53 AM | Link to this

Past50Mom I agree that they are…but since so many kids are in these schools wouldn’t the govt be wiser to make sure that educated workers with benefits get these jobs? I am not sure that less educated is all bad…I am not asking rocket scientists to be care workers…Since ancient Egypt small children have been cared for by less educated people.

The despiarity among the schools when you look at them is amazing. Plus I have found that middle class people are the ones hurting the most in all areas, especially Childcare. If your flat out broke people will help you get the care. If you are rich you can pay for that LEXUS care. IF you are just a middle class person doing the best you can tough….Summer camp this year for 2 kids (school age) is going to cost me personally $4,000. That may not sound like much, but remember I still family events to pay for or not go to (and seeing the extended family is important to the kids), back to school fees at end of summer, plus the regular expenses of running our home (food, insurance, mortgage, etc)…

I also agree that behavior should be learned at home. Manners are sorely lacking these days, I had a kid step on my foot and never say a word (it buised too!)…I often am out and am told “your children are so nicely behaved” just because they say Please/Thank you or Sir.

Maybe its just the standard we each have in our head.

By Rachel

March 27, 2007 9:57 AM | Link to this

I agree with many of the different comments posted so far. For me…

Child #1 went to daycare at 4 months old. I quit working when he was 3 years to have child #2. After a couple of weeks at home with mom, child #1 actually begged to go back to daycare - so we enrolled him in halfday preschool. Currently enrolled at a public school, he is in the gifted program and is always THE most well behaved BOY in any class he has ever been in. Never has been a discipline problem at home or school. I am sure that will change someonewhat soon as he is approaching puberty.

Child #2 mostly stayed home with me. He did attend some preschool - but was with me the majority of the time. Now in elementary school, he wants to be the class clown. We are constantly having talks with him about proper behavior, respect for his teacher and his education, and how to steer clear of those kids that don’t make good behavior choices.

So this NIH study contradicts my personal experience. Maybe my situation is classic “birth order” behavior - I don’t know.

I DO BELIEVE, however, that staying at home with your children is the best thing you can do. I regret not learning that lesson sooner than I did. I also believe that alot of a child’s behavior is based on lack of parenting. I constantly see children that have no respect for ANY adult - their parent, teacher, or coach - THAT is the fault of the PARENT.

By past50mom

March 27, 2007 10:00 AM | Link to this

Georgia, Glad your daycare situation worked out so well, but from the study above, it appears that daycare is not always good for children. I was a SAHM for ten years and our three kids all attended a church preschool, three mornings a week for 4 hours each, starting at the age of 3. We had a mom and kids playgroup, and most of my SAHM friends also had their kids in some sort of mother’s morning out or preschool, too. From my experience, your comment about lack of socialization for SAHM kids is wrong.

By Nikita

March 27, 2007 10:00 AM | Link to this

I’d like to point out a few things:

By SundaySchool

March 27, 2007 10:06 AM | Link to this

Let’s be realistic here. A few hours a week in a loving preschool program or a MMO isn’t going to hurt a child or cause him to be a sixth grade monster. I can even argue that it makes stay-at-home parents better able to handle their jobs because a peaceful trip to the grocery store or even a stress-free shower can have amazing restorative qualities. By the time the parent and child have a few hours off from each other everybody is happy to see each other again.

It is ridiculous to saddle mothers with more guilt because they are considering or participate in preschool or allow the children to stay with the father or grandparents. You cannot convince me that 10 hours of preschool-type childcare is the same as a child spending 40-50 hours a week in a daycare.

Parents need SUPPORT and we need to be able to find that support. My son goes to a preschool where is teacher is the sweetest person I think I have ever met. He gets to play on the playground, finger paint, and hear a couple stories—all while I do such self-absorbed things like run errands.

By sam

March 27, 2007 10:11 AM | Link to this

They tiptoe around this issue because GOD forbid someone tell two working parents that they are not thinking about their children’s needs first. The truth is that kids do suffer from daycare. Admit it. They also suffer at the same parents who then get babysitters every weekend night and every oppty so they can work on their relationships…..then they drop them off at sunday school while they do something else. All so they don’t have to be a parent. How about birth control people. Stop having babies for your own entertainment., When you have them put their needs before your own. If you have kids in day care, take them with you on the weekends instead of farming them out again. Grow the H up. You only get one chance at being a parent and not screwing up. YOu already have two strikes.

By past50mom

March 27, 2007 10:18 AM | Link to this

FCM, Daycare is predominately a privately business, NOT run by the government, and IMO the government has no business in seeing that daycare workers are educated and paid a certain salary. We are talking about DAYCARE here, not the HOPE run pre-K program, which is funded by lottery funds, and has qualified teachers. I agree that you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to care for children, but the better educated you are, the better the pay scale, and that determines the level of ‘consistency’ that you were talking about in daycare workers. Frankly, $4K for summer camp for two kids sounds very high to me!!! I agree that good parenting is the key to the success of the children. However, parents need to acknowledge that they are making the CHOICE in subjecting their kids to subpar daycare conditions when the parents/family could live more simply i.e. without $4K summer camps! You CHOOSE how you live, a thrifty & saving lifestyle, existing paycheck to paycheck, or living beyond your means which has resulted in too many people in bankruptcy in the state of Georgia!

By Georgia

March 27, 2007 10:19 AM | Link to this

Past50Mom I was basing my comments on several of my friends who opted to keep their kids out of day care. When it came time for Kindergarten, they were not prepared socially, and thus the parents were constantly being called for their kids disruptive behaviour. I know not all SAHM kids are like this. I would have loved to stay home with my child, but my circumstances didn’t allow it. Had I stayed home, I believe I would have put her in some type of Mother’s Morning out, the closer she got to school age, just for the social skills they develope. I wasn’t trying to bash anyone. I admire stay at home moms. A lot of people think their world is so nice, that they don’t do anything all day long, but in reality it is their JOB, and they are still working, just not outside the home.

“Parethood is the toughest job you will every love.”

By Kerry

March 27, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this

My daughter (20 months old) is at Primrose Daycare. I loved the infant room, but I’m not real pleased with the room she’s in now. The morning teacher I like. She’s hispanic (not sure where from) and doesn’t speak much English, but she is the sweetest woman. And Morgan loves her. Morgan has actually been using some Spanish, which is cool. Good thing I took 3 years of it or I wouldn’t know what she was talking about. The afternoon girls can’t be older than 18 and they don’t seem to have much common sense. I’ve come close to changing schools. If we could afford for me to stay home I definitly would. The only way we could really afford it though is if we moved to a crappy apartment and got rid of a car. And ate Raman noodles every night. It’s too expensive to live now-a-days without both people working.

I do think that a child’s behavior and manners should be controlled and taught by the parents. Too many people seem to think that the school should raise their children. It’s not the daycare’s responsibility to teach my daughter to say please and thank you (which she does). We’re very involved in teaching my daughter manners and how to behave. Because that’s OUR job.

By Bee Boy

March 27, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this

When day care centers are paid at a rate higher that the eligibility requirement for the parent to go to work for $5.35 per hour; it is nothing more than slavery imposed. yes! Low income families and poverty are the new names for self imposed slavery. Obtaining higher education is not an option for childcare seekers. Can you address that aspest some more?

By Opinionated

March 27, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

I am a divorced parent of a 12 year old girl. We didn’t put her in daycare until she was one because her father worked 1st and I worked 2nd shift (my hubby was also going to school so we couldn’t afford for me not to work since I had the better paying job). My mother took care of her in the overlap. When I went back to 1st, we put her in a home daycare with a lady with whom we went to church. Every morning when I dropped her off, I would talk with the lady about what was going on with my daughter. In the evening when I picked her up, I would again talk with the lady about what happened during the day. If there were any problems, I dealt with them then and there so my daughter knew that I wouldn’t stand for disrepectful and disruptive behavior. After I divorced and moved here, I put her in a daycare facility. I did the same thing there. I felt (and feel) it is MY responsibility to teach my child right and wrong, acceptable and not acceptable and the consequences of my daughters choices. It isn’t the daycare or the school’s responsibility. Every child needs to learn FROM THEIR PARENTS that there are consequences to every thing they say or do, good and bad; they will be so much better off.

If parent’s would understand that it is THEIR responsibility, not the daycare, not the school, to teach their children what appropriate behavior is, we’d wouldn’t be having this discussion!

By past50mom

March 27, 2007 10:34 AM | Link to this

Georgia, thanks, and I agree that parenting is hard!.

By Ms. Jones

March 27, 2007 10:35 AM | Link to this

Sam, (AKA holier than thou), what’s wrong with getting a babysitter once in a while to go out with your spouse/SO and enjoy an few hours of being an ADULT???? I love my child, but I love myself too, and I need to be happy in order to raise a happy kid.(If Momma ain’t happy, no one’s happy). If I choose to hire a babysitter one night a month for three hours, that is my decision, and does not make me a bad parent. I’m a single parent, and I need to have time with adults for my own sanity. I don’t farm my kid out.
But I suppose I’ll be attacked from the Holier than Thou group for hiring a babysitter a couple of times a year……

By Sick & Tired

March 27, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this

It never ceases to amaze me how people can always say what should work for someone else. It is an individual’s choice whether to send their child to daycare or stay at home and no one should be treated like a leper just because they don’t do what you think they should.

Also, I have four children; the first two went to daycare the last two did not. My two that did not attend daycare are more outspoken and have to be reprimanded more often than the two who did not. Daycare doesn’t make our children monsters, we do. If you discipline them when they are young you don’t end up with teenagers telling you what they will and won’t do!

Stop looking for someone to blame because your child is a hellion. Stop negotiating with little people who don’t pay the bills. I love my children and when I want to let them exercise their opinion, I let them know, but bedtime and behavior rules are not negotiable, and I’m not asking you to obey, I’m telling you.

By Jennifer

March 27, 2007 10:44 AM | Link to this

I’m a SAHM and I do send my 2 to preschool, 3 days a week for 3 hours. I guess I slide in just under that 10 hour marker!

Personally I wouldn’t give this study too much thought. I’m sure there are studies out there showing that daycare kids excel in areas that SAH kids don’t. I can’t even make generalizations about my own 2 kids so I don’t see letting someone else’s generalizations define my kids.

In my experience, when I worked I had a lot of guilt about putting my oldest in daycare, and I did a lot to make myself feel better about it. I would just cater to her every whim and our weekends revolved around her. She hasn’t been in daycare since she was 22 months old and she’s almost 5 now, and I’m still undoing the spoiling that I did in those days! As a first time mom, I thought I was doing the right thing but obviously I wasn’t. I wonder if other parents overcompensate for putting their kids in daycare? That may account for the behavior problems!

By Georgia

March 27, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this

Sick & Tired WELL SAID……

I don’t need anyone telling me how or what to do with MY child. If I need any advice, I’ll go ask my mother.

By supermom

March 27, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this

Stop having kids if you can’t afford them! Children need atleast ONE sane adult to raise them. Many are not getting this at all, that’s why our public schools are failing. If you decide to have a child, plan it! If it wasn’t planned, kill it! Stop destroying our country with out of control children!!!

By Mommy2

March 27, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this

Let’s be real. Daycares workers are underpaid and never really compensated for the work that they do. Even in the Lexus of daycares, the compensation is still very low. Furthermore, it’s not a daycare workers job to raise your child; it’s a parents. Both of my kids went to the best daycares that my husband and I could afford. They are each thriving in school and aren’t any more argumentative than any other children.

And Ms. Jones, you hit the nail on the head. ALWAYS make Momma happy!!

By FCM

March 27, 2007 10:57 AM | Link to this

Past50Mom….Single Parent/Single Income…I did not CHOOSE to be those things….I do CHOOSE to make sure my children are well cared for while I work….I sacrafice quite a bit for those kids and never regret a minute of it. Sam….I am not out tending to my non familial relationships in the “off hours”….I do not date, I do attend church with my children, I do rearrange my errands so I can be with them not toting them around town.

4,000 is considered cheap care for 11 weeks…I think govt standards can be imposed on private businesses…to get consistancy for the kids…Perdue is for the kids right? We want good test scores right? The best time to teach a kid is 1-5 yo.

BTW I was a SAHM until my ex decided he’d rather live with his girlfriend.

By crass realist

March 27, 2007 11:03 AM | Link to this

HA HA. This entire blog is a joke. “We reap what we sow.”

Some of us have made good decisions in our relationships and our sexual behaviour. Some have not. The “single mom” has gained pariah status in society because so many people have been irresponsible in their choices. GIVE ME A BREAK. The single mom is the most pathetic person in the world because her situation could have been easily avoided. (Can you say “BIRTH CONTROL”?) Before you decided to get laid in the back seat of your Camaro or in the plastic-panelled “living room” of your trailer or in the cinder-block confines of your housing project, you should have thought about the consequences.

Or to put it more bluntly, if you can’t afford the child, don’t get pregnant.

Out of these bad choices has sprung an entire generation of children who are raised by minimum-wage illiterates (caregivers AND parents). And the cycle goes on…

It is unfortunate that those of us who made responsible choices about raising children are now paying the price for the bad decisions of all you LOSERS who have to dump your children at a snot-filled germ factory filled with other offspring of LOSERS. It is a rare thing indeed when the child of a SAHM exhibits aggression or anti-social behaviour (unless the SAHM is a welfare mom with multiple children by multiple sperm donors). It is not the children’s fault that their parents had no other choice but to put them in this position.

Thank God for private schools…

Sorry if this makes anyone mad, but the truth is difficult to swallow.

By OK

March 27, 2007 11:04 AM | Link to this

So, what’s the difference in being a SAHM and putting the tykes in “Mother’s Morning Out” for 3 hours when your sole purpose for living should be ALL about your kids? Forget about that college education ladies, once you have kids, that $25,000 education is used on trips to the playground and PB & J sandwiches.

By Opinionated

March 27, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

Jennifer: I’m sure many parent’s overcompensate for their guilt for putting their kids in daycare just like many divorced parent’s (custodial and non-custodial, alike) overcompensate for the divorce.

I think guilt is an over-rated emotion. Either you made the right decision for you at the time or you didn’t, feeling guilty doesn’t get you anywhere. Do something about the decision or get over being guilty - it doesn’t serve you or your kid(s). You have to make the best of the situation and still do the right thing by your kid(s).

Sure, I felt guilty over getting divorced (did I do the right thing, did I give him enough chances, etc.) but it was a situation that was out of my control (hubby cheated several times that I know about). However, I have this child that I still need to raise to be a productive member of society. Either I can stay feeling guilty and attempt to assuage my guilt for leaving my daughter’s father and thus having to put her into a daycare facility by spoiling her rotten or I can say “what’s done, is done” and move forward to teach my daughter right and wrong and that she isn’t going to get EVERY THING her little heart desires.

It is my job as a parent to set and enforce the boundaries whether or not I make good or bad decisions elsewhere.

By Michael

March 27, 2007 11:13 AM | Link to this

I went from daycare to first grade and never went to kindergarten for some reason. Don’t know if I was argumentative but I am a lawyer now. GO DAYCARE!!

By Opinionated

March 27, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this

FCM: I know where you are coming from. It is easy for people to judge other people’s situations by generalizing. A lot of the time we don’t choose our situations but we have to make the best of it and do right by our kids - it sounds like you are. I applaude you and your efforts because it is really tough being a single parent without another person to help shoulder the load.

We don’t need more criticism for our situations and for the choices we make based on our situations.

By OK

March 27, 2007 11:17 AM | Link to this

Come on, now Crass Realist…if your mother hadn’t gotten knocked up in the back her Camero….you wouldn’t be here…

By 30mom

March 27, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this

FCM,

I agree. I am a middle class working single mom with a 8 mo. old daughter. I can afford to pay my rent, utilities, and maybe very few extras however I live paycheck to paycheck.

If I was able to stay at home with my daughter and raise her that would be a pleasure to me but I have to work. However, I make sure that as soon as I get home I spend hours, playing with, feeding her, and making sure that she knows that mom does not plan on leaving her for good! There is absolutely no way on God’s green earth will I be able to afford today’s standard day care prices of $155-$200 a week. That is the same as paying rent every month. You have to be dirt poor. So poor that you can’t even afford your own place (under $19000) to get any type of day care assistance at all. Perhaps HOPE Scholarships would be better used if they were to develop a program where middle class parents can afford to pay half of daycare while the other half is paid with assistance. In order to be able to afford daycare I will have to get a roommate or move into a 1 bedroom apartment.

I believe that in order for childcare workers to be able to afford what I have they have to be paid over $10 an hour and the only workers getting paid that much are those located in your high-class daycare facilities. $6.50 is much too low to live with so where is the balance? I can’t afford to pay them, but they can’t afford to take care of my child because they have to live too. There needs to be developed some sort of programs for childcare workers and middle class parents as a whole so that neither the worker nor the parent will be shorted quality care!

By Jess

March 27, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this

There is rarely a topic here that does not wind up being about housewives versus working moms. Everyone’s experience is different, if you are a sahm or former sahm (past50mom) please stop judging and letting working moms know how much you dissaprove. We are all trying to do the best we can…. I don’t have a million luxeries we are just trying to have a descent life, put away money for retirement and for college. My daycare is expensive but i am happy with it, i searched forever for a good one close to home, sometimes you have to go with a gut feeling as well.

By Pacer Fan

March 27, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this

If you put your kids in daycare, you don’t love them.

By Sick & Tired

March 27, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this

To Crass Realist,

For the children of single Moms who became that way because of a deceased spouse, divorce or abandonment, (and not because of a lack of planning) do we bury them alive, or feed them to the sharks?

By des

March 27, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this

Crass realist where do you live? Because if it is near me, I am certainly going to move.

By 30mom

March 27, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this

FCM,

I agree. I am a middle class working single mom with a 8 mo. old daughter. I can afford to pay my rent, utilities, and maybe very few extras however I live paycheck to paycheck.

If I was able to stay at home with my daughter and raise her that would be a pleasure to me but I have to work. However, I make sure that as soon as I get home I spend hours, playing with, feeding her, and making sure that she knows that mom does not plan on leaving her for good! There is absolutely no way on God’s green earth will I be able to afford today’s standard day care prices of $155-$200 a week. That is the same as paying rent every month. You have to be dirt poor. So poor that you can’t even afford your own place (under $19000) to get any type of day care assistance at all. Perhaps HOPE Scholarships would be better used if they were to develop a program where middle class parents can afford to pay half of daycare while the other half is paid with assistance. In order to be able to afford daycare I will have to get a roommate or move into a 1 bedroom apartment.

I believe that in order for childcare workers to be able to afford what I have they have to be paid over $10 an hour and the only workers getting paid that much are those located in your high-class daycare facilities. $6.50 is much too low to live with so where is the balance? I can’t afford to pay them, but they can’t afford to take care of my child because they have to live too. There needs to be developed some sort of programs for childcare workers and middle class parents as a whole so that neither the worker nor the parent will be shorted quality care!

By 30mom

March 27, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this

FCM,

I agree. I am a middle class working single mom with a 8 mo. old daughter. I can afford to pay my rent, utilities, and maybe very few extras however I live paycheck to paycheck.

If I was able to stay at home with my daughter and raise her that would be a pleasure to me but I have to work. However, I make sure that as soon as I get home I spend hours, playing with, feeding her, and making sure that she knows that mom does not plan on leaving her for good! There is absolutely no way on God’s green earth will I be able to afford today’s standard day care prices of $155-$200 a week. That is the same as paying rent every month. You have to be dirt poor. So poor that you can’t even afford your own place (under $19000) to get any type of day care assistance at all. Perhaps HOPE Scholarships would be better used if they were to develop a program where middle class parents can afford to pay half of daycare while the other half is paid with assistance. In order to be able to afford daycare I will have to get a roommate or move into a 1 bedroom apartment.

I believe that in order for childcare workers to be able to afford what I have they have to be paid over $10 an hour and the only workers getting paid that much are those located in your high-class daycare facilities. $6.50 is much too low to live with so where is the balance? I can’t afford to pay them, but they can’t afford to take care of my child because they have to live too. There needs to be developed some sort of programs for childcare workers and middle class parents as a whole so that neither the worker nor the parent will be shorted quality care!

By lwa

March 27, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this

@ crass realist - i wonder if you are willing to make all of these harsh comments in person vs. over the computer. I am always in awe of people who judge people the way you have.

I always believe that children are a blessing. There are a lot of people who can’t have kids. However, a lot of people should be more responsible, but those that have posted don’t sound like they are/were not.

Please end up being single parents for many different reasons (I am sure you are old enough to understand the many reasons). Life is to short to talk about the choices people are making that don’t agree with ours.

By Mommy2

March 27, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this

Supermom I think you need a nap! To ask someone to abort simply because their pregnancy wasn’t planned would mean that many of us wouldn’t be alive! Come on!

It’s less about the ability to afford being a parent and more about the desire to be a good parent. When my daughter came along we couldn’t really afford to have a child, but we managed. 13 years later she’s doing great and we’re in a much better position financially. And if a person can’t afford a child and they get pregnant, adoption is always a better option.

And please, public schools are bad for a plethora of reasons. Poor parenting is only one.

By Jsmom

March 27, 2007 11:31 AM | Link to this

The part that I don’t get is why is it mom’s job to SAH? Why can’t Dad SAH? Why does this study say that kids that spend time with DAD 10 + hours a week have behavior problems? Doesn’t that contradict EVERYTHING that we’ve ever heard about the importance of Dad in a kid’s life?

Also, what do they mean by argumentative? Is that not a subjective term?

I also assume that the few posters on here who say all moms SAH ask any woman they come in contact that they will doing business with if they are a parent. If said woman is a parent, I assume you don’t do business with her, since she should be at home? Think about women that you deal with- cops, doctors, nurses, pharmacists, the barrista at Starbucks… sounds like the American Economy might go in the toilet without all of us working moms.

By des

March 27, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this

Jess I agree. No one has a solution for every situation. You can make you comment and it may help some, but not all. Every situation is unique.

For those of you criticizing losers, they never asked to be born either. If you can’t help them, don’t judge them. YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW is going to bite you in the a## one day.

By SAM

March 27, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this

Ms.Jones Of course a babysitter every once in a while is a good idea. Spending time with your spouse is impt. WHAT I SAID was that these people that insist weekend nights are Date nights EVERY weekend at the same time as having their kids in day care for 40+ hours a week, are excessive. Personally I think they are self absorbed, self centered individuals. ONce you have children it should be about what is BEST for that child, not about You anymore.

Choice or necessity for some to put them in daycare. If you do, you should limit the other times that child is away from you. Pick them up to run errands instead of picking them up at the very last possible second…..I know people who put them in day care even on days off from work….does that make sense.

Day care is a fact of life. HOWEVER, parents need to know that they can minimize the negative effects.

By lwa

March 27, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

The behavior of children is molded by the parents, the child’s personality and the environment the child is in. The daycare center alone is not to blame.

By Michael

March 27, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

My trek to my present lawyerdom began as the sixth of six kids; attended daycare in the late ’60s where they hit you at will/whim; went to a Catholic school with old-school nuns; parents divorced when I was three which means I had a single mom; mom worked two jobs; father paid child support when he felt like it and never visited; and I’m Black.

So I guess they really don’t want to interview me for their study. hehehehe

By Prince Faisel

March 27, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

Crass realist treads heavily, but he/she speaks the truth.

By wowzers

March 27, 2007 11:40 AM | Link to this

I’m astonished by the hateful opinions expressed here. If these are the attitudes that your children are exposed to at home it’s a wonder there aren’t more discipline problems. The reports says, “parents’ guidance and their genes had by far the strongest influence on how children behaved.” I don’t think that you have to be a SAHM to express love to and respectful guidance of your children— who will in turn, express the same to their peers and authority figures at school, at home, or elsewhere.

By des

March 27, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

The lady who kept my child had set hours, as does most day care places. It always amazed me how many showed up late to pick up their kids so they could shop or visit with someone. Seems like they weren’t eager to pick up their little ones.

By Opinionated

March 27, 2007 11:47 AM | Link to this

dear crass: NOT ALL single mom’s came to be that way via the method you so graphically described in your post.

Some of us actually were married prior to getting pregnant. Some of us even planned to have our babies - I know my hubby and I did. However, I didn’t have all the information available to me when we were making the decision. I didn’t know that the hubby also had multiple girlfriends on the side until the baby was born.

I also am not a “minimum wage illiterate” as you suggest all single mom’s are - I have a college degree and have a decent paying job. However, I could not stay at home (and off welfare) and keep a roof over my and my child’s head without working. I also at the same time could not leave my child at home by herself; thus, the daycare solution.

So, sometimes single mom’s are thrust into the situation they are in by circumstances outside their control. It is, however, up to them to do right by their kids and take care of them as best as they can. If the only solution is to put the kid(s) into daycare because mommy has to work, then the mommy has to be involved in what goes on at the daycare/school and spend as much time with the kids when they aren’t in daycare.

I’ve seen all kinds of bad behavior out of kids who have SAHMs and working moms. I don’t think it is the situation (SAHM or daycare) but rather the parent’s fault for not being involved and setting boundaries.

By dadof3

March 27, 2007 11:56 AM | Link to this

over50mom, do you smell your own farts? and what does “standard english” mean? I think I’m gonna hurl.

By lwa

March 27, 2007 12:09 PM | Link to this

@PacerFan - your e-mail doesn’t make any sense.

Husband left wife and child. Wife is a SAHM. Husband does not pay support. The wife should:

a: Go to work to provide a decent home, childcare, benefits, etc for she and the child.

b: Become a SAHM, draw welfare and other federal benefits. Become the object of your disgust on blogs that talk about the welfare system.

What should she choose in your opinion?

By crass realist

March 27, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this

To OK:

Let’s see…two sentences, three grammatical errors…I rest my case.

To the rest of you complaining about my opinion:

Once again, I am sorry if you are offended. I am not perfect, but I do think that as a society we have become so afraid of offending people that we don’t state what we know to be true.

Our choices have put each of us in the situation where we are today. Whether good or bad, it is what it is.

And by the way, I am a white male who was raised in a two parent home by a SAHM. I have been married for 20 years to the same woman who has been a SAHM to our three children. And yes, we send them to private schools and did NOT send them to day care.

By SundaySchool

March 27, 2007 12:14 PM | Link to this

SAM-What percentage of parents do you know personally who behaves the way you object to?

By Been There

March 27, 2007 12:18 PM | Link to this

Crass: You haven’t been around too many GROUPS of children if you honestly believe this: “It is a rare thing indeed when the child of a SAHM exhibits aggression or anti-social behaviour (unless the SAHM is a welfare mom with multiple children by multiple sperm donors).”

The SAH parents who are convinced their sole purpose in life is to provide for the comfort, convenience, and pleasure of their children produce little dictators who think the world should be constantly altered to suit their desires.

We have avoided daycare for our two for 4.5 years, because my husband and I were able to adjust our work schedules around their needs (I stopped working my usual unpaid overtime as a public school teacher, he worked from home and in the afternoons/evenings after I got home).

Our children have gone to half day preschool for 2 years. They have learned a lot, have improved social skills and speech, have learned to trust and learn from other adults. BUT, they also learned such time-honored children’s expresssions as “MINE!!” and “I won’t be your friend anymore.” Just as I talk with them daily about their art work and papers they bring home, I tell them that we don’t use words to hurt people on purpose, we share, we take turns no matter how much we want to go first.

By Robin

March 27, 2007 12:30 PM | Link to this

To Des:

I work full time, as does my spouse. We both work for non-profit agencies, so we don’t make a pile of money. We both are in the ‘helping field’, and would not want to work in another field.

I am an older first time mom. My child was born when I was 40.

Currently my mother in law, who has severe dementia lives with us.

Our lives are scheduled around the time the adult care sitter for my M-I-L, has to leave. Our 2 year old attends a day care center.

Some days (gasp!) I take a few minutes for myself. I may walk through a few stores (can’t afford to buy much) and just chill out with a few minutes to myself.

Don’t judge parents who may take a little time for themselves before picking up the child(ren) at daycare. You have NO IDEA what pressure and stress may be going on in their family. Having a few minutes to myself sometimes is the only thread holding my sanity together.

By TheOne

March 27, 2007 12:31 PM | Link to this

Well I see we’re having another round of bashing and verbally abusing each other……SO MUCH FUN……NOT!!!

As for the comment about single parents………..BULLISH!!! Parents can become single parents for various reasons…..i.e. death of the other parent, these ignorant azz men who bail after they get tired of having the responsibilty, etc. So whoever was bashiing single parents…..GO BITE A BRICK* you’re an idiot!!!

By lovelyliz

March 27, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this

I believe the study also found that good parenting mattered far more. Children with an involved parent who places them in daycare will do better than a stay at home parent who raises the kids in front of the boob tube.

By Jennifer

March 27, 2007 12:39 PM | Link to this

Been There - I agree that you can easily raise little dictators. One of my biggest issues as a SAHM is stopping myself from doing too much for the kids. On one hand, I stay home with them to take care of them, but you can totally take that too far and end up with ungrateful, spoiled brats. You have to walk a pretty thin line!

I feel like the best thing I can do for the kids is to teach them self-reliance. I wash my own car, we do our own yardwork, I clean the house, etc. I could easily hire that out but honestly I don’t want to be that spoiled and I don’t want the kids to think that life is all about fun while someone else is cleaning the house.

By Ms. Jones

March 27, 2007 12:43 PM | Link to this

Opinionatedvery well said. However, there are some on this blog that will still try to say YOU are a bad person. YOU chose to lay with your man…….BUT you will not hear them bashing the “Run-away Dad” who continues to impregnant woman and run from obligations. But us single Mom’s are the W******* because WE married them…… Unfortunately, that’s the mindset of some of these bloggers…..

By OK

March 27, 2007 12:44 PM | Link to this

Wow, Crass Realist is a saint AND an English Teachter!

By des

March 27, 2007 12:49 PM | Link to this

Dear Robin: You have not idea what the person or person taking care of your child have going on in their lives either. Once in a while is okay but I am talking everyday. By the way, I take care of my mother in law who also has severe dementia. I don’t have a pity party for myself though.

By Robin

March 27, 2007 1:00 PM | Link to this

Dear Des:

I went back and reread your earlier post. I see now that you referred to not picking up the children on time.

Please allow me to clarify; I ALWAYS pick my child up before the ending time.

I just sometimes take a little time for myself after work and BEFORE the end time for the center.

And, I don’t feel sorry for myself. However, I am overwhelmed most of the time.

Does your MIL live with you? Do you work? Please share with me some of your coping skills and/or ideas.

By OK

March 27, 2007 1:03 PM | Link to this

Hahaha, apparently my fingers can’t type today….of course I meant, TEACHER.

By des

March 27, 2007 1:09 PM | Link to this

I work, have children and motherinlaw to care for. Takes all my time, but I know someday that could be me. I take it in stride, knowing that no one else besides my immediate family will help her. That is just life. Nuff said.

By sam

March 27, 2007 1:11 PM | Link to this

It isn’t about you, ROBIN, its about them. Why would you not want to go get your child/ren if you have that oppty instead of picking them up last? Easier? Need that “me” time? you have plenty of me time in your car more than many who SAH. The childcare givers have worked harder than you ALL Day long, non profit or not….so you can work…chances are they need a break too.

Do you think your kids would object to being picked up early? Do you thnk they should be in day care one more moment than necessary? That is the whole problem shown by the study. Parents put the “me” time before the “child” time. Even chores are opportunities for sharing of the day’s activities, learning skills for helping and being a part of the family…. you can make those outings fun and show how much you value each moment with them.

Working for a non profit really has no more value than your children….although you might kid yourself. YOu chose that job. They did not choose you as a parent. I am sure they would rather see you more… and you have what you consider a less impt job.

By buddy

March 27, 2007 1:16 PM | Link to this

just look at everybody, being mean to each other and judging others’ situations ! hummm, now i wonder why the kids develop the way they do, cause they pick up on the parent’s thinking, whether they are daycare attendees or at homers! you cannot tell others to kill babies, quit jobs , etc. people do what is best for them! now what we can do is tell what works best for us, but downing others for their choices is not nice. everything is good as long as a child is not neglected and home alone all night.i have seen some very caring low paid daycare workers , as well as some very lazy-as- stay at home moms. it just depends. but talking ugly to one another is not cool and that is why your kids are mouthy and not well behaved,because they hear you.and oh yeah, i do not put my kid in a daycare but i will respect another person’s reason for doing so.it is just not my preference or my place to judge.

By Sam

March 27, 2007 1:19 PM | Link to this

Robin, OF course if you are taking care of kids, and working and MIL who has dementia you are hanging by a thread….Perhaps your spouse if he isn’t contributing time in handling either the kids or the MIL on a regular basis, should pull more wt by taking a high paying job…so you can cut back and regain some balance. I truly know that caregivers, especially women, can self destruct if they try to do it all. Seriously, see if you can cut back to 30 hrs or jobshare or tell hubby to pick up one of these areas, taking care of his mother more or the kids…. you obviously have the larger load and as you know only so many hours in a day. Don’t wait until it is too late.

By SA

March 27, 2007 1:26 PM | Link to this

I am so sick and tired of people judging me and others for putting our children in daycare. How dare you people say that the better alternative is to have no children at all????? My husband and I both work for the following reasons: 1. To live in a good school district. 2. To save for our daughter’s college education. 3. To save for retirement so our daughter does not have to worry about us. If I stayed at home we would have none of the above. Some people live to judge others. You have no idea what each person’s situation is. Go to h*!

By SA

March 27, 2007 1:28 PM | Link to this

Oh and by the way, there are many kids in my “Lexus” daycare whose moms do not work but do play tennis, shop and do lunch.

By Jennifer

March 27, 2007 1:29 PM | Link to this

Sam, have you ever been to a child care center? Those people aren’t there out of the kindness of their hearts to take care of children. They are paid HOURLY and if everyone came to pick up their kids as soon as they could they would make less money than they already do! If they don’t want to work until 6, don’t take the freaking hours! Got something more important to do than keep kids? Keep on driving past Primrose when you are looking for a job then! Besides that, when my kid was in daycare there were good times and bad times for pickup. She took a nap from 3-5 in the afternoons and if I was done with work at 4, I really had to run errands or something until 5 because if I woke her up to take her home, her whole night was ruined because her nap was interrupted. With older kids in daycare, a lot of them have dance/gymnastics/spanish lessons, etc going on in the afternoons.

By sandra

March 27, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

People,

Read the study — The study found a miniscule difference in behavior. (1% difference per year in day care). Is that even a reportable statistic? As usual, the media has picked this up and blown it out of proportion. Get the facts and don’t believe everything you read about a study, especially if you haven’t read the study.

By sandra

March 27, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

People,

Read the study — The study found a miniscule difference in behavior. (1% difference per year in day care). Is that even a reportable statistic? As usual, the media has picked this up and blown it out of proportion. Get the facts and don’t believe everything you read about a study, especially if you haven’t read the study.

By Robin

March 27, 2007 1:43 PM | Link to this

Thank you Sam.

My hubby and I are trying to work on those very issues,………him conributing more to the caregiving, etc.

I really appreciate your understanding and empathy. Many people just don’t get it. It is certain not that I WANT to leave my child in daycare longer, I just have to have a little time to myself to ‘regroup’ from time to time.

It is rather difficult to take care of a 2 year old, and a 80 year old with the mentality of a 2 year old, at the same time.

By Opinionated

March 27, 2007 1:44 PM | Link to this

buddy, I appreciate your post.

I’ve seen well behaved kids out of daycare situations as well as out of SAH situations. I’ve also seen poorly behaved kids out of both situations.

It all boils down to the parents and how they are raising the kids because that is the common factor in both situations. It is the parents responsibility to teach the kids what is appropriate behavior and what the consequences are for said behavior in all situations.

By des

March 27, 2007 1:46 PM | Link to this

Is it me or do some of you just don’t want to hear a man’s opinion at all. I’m just saying…………

By ShaneTurner

March 27, 2007 1:47 PM | Link to this

I’d rather have my child raised by poodles than send them to day care.

By Ms. Jones

March 27, 2007 1:54 PM | Link to this

Robin God Bless You!!!!!

I believe there is a special place in heaven for you.

Have you looked for any kind of support group for caring for your MIL? I know there must be, as numerous people are in your position.

My mother is 77, and still very active and physically and mentally healthy, but we have talked about her moving in with me within the next 5 - 10 years. This of course, right after I send my child to college……one out, and one back in.

Good luck to you……you are doing a wondeful job.!!!! Pat yourself on the back the next time you take a few minutes for yourself….

By des

March 27, 2007 1:57 PM | Link to this

I take care of everyone in my family including my mother in law. My father once told me when I married that I made my choices and it was mine to care for. He is right. And I do that because I know some day someone may ahve to care for me.

By Lee

March 27, 2007 1:59 PM | Link to this

What bothers me about this study is that my 9 month old is considered a “day care child” because he is taken care of full time during the day by his father. My husband is a full time PhD student who watches our son while I work and then works on his schoolwork from 6pm to 3am each night. SAHFs have virtually no support and based on my experience are often left out of playgroups and activities organized by SAHMs. I am fortunate to have a job where I can work from home full time and be close to my husband and son. I didn’t want to go back to work, but because my husband no longer had income from school and our bills needed to be paid, I returned to work with a heavy heart, but having my son at home with my husband made the transition easier. We live pretty modestly off of one income, no fancy cars, vacations or houses like our friends with children have, but the were willing to make those sacrifices for our son. I can sympathize with people who have to choose between working to pay bills and taking care of their children. It is a very hard decision to make, but in the end, you do what you have to do in order to take care of your family.

By Robin

March 27, 2007 2:03 PM | Link to this

Thank you Ms. Jones,

I really appreciate your kind words.

I have not looked for a support group. We moved here a few months ago, and I don’t know much about this new area. I will heed your suggestion and try to find a support group.

Thank you.