MOMania

By past50mom

March 27, 2007 8:58 AM | Link to this

You get what you pay for. Look at the facility; high number of kids per caretaker or low? Talk to the caretakers; standard English or NOT? Watch the kids at play; quiet and disciplined for quiet activities, or chaotic? In-home daycare is even dicier; what family members are there are on a regular basis, and how do they interact with the kids? For those who can find a way financially, SAHM or SAHD is the best bet for the children. Many single moms do not have a choice, BUT there are plenty of two parent families who have to have it all, the big house, furniture, new cars, clothes and lifestyle, and of course two incomes to pay for it all. The result is that the children play second fiddle to worthless materialism. Our children are young for such a short time, and surely more people could find a way to get by with less in order to be home with their children. (anne, are you reading?)

By Fulton County Mom

March 27, 2007 8:59 AM | Link to this

Keith be real. Parents who can afford the LEXUS of daycares are doing it. The rest of the world is getting whatever they can for the money. Daycare is EXPENSIVE. Teacher turnover is more to blame for disruptive behavior than anything else in daycare. How can you teach consistancy if the teachers aren’t consistant?

It is time to get our heads out of our collective nether region. 2 income households or single parenting households are common. Stop punishing everyone and get some consistancy in these schools…and yes some HOPE scholarship money would be better spent here than on the college brats.

By des

March 27, 2007 9:11 AM | Link to this

Fultoncomom I agree with you. They need to raise standards for HOPE. Most kids can only keep it one semester before they lose it anyway. I am also concerned with what else they do with lottery funds, like build palatial buildings for the long list of superintendents of this, that and the other.

I chose a home day care. The person was certified and insured. The atmosphere was structured. She had certified people to fill in for an emergency. She was strict and if she could not discipline a child, she wouldn’t take them. My son love it there.

By TheOne

March 27, 2007 9:14 AM | Link to this

Daycare isn’t the culprit…..it’s the parents who allow their kids to say and do anything that’s the problem!!! Instead of being so focused on letting little Billy express himself, teach him the do’s and don’ts of being a child/adult/human being.

Off topic…

I am trying to find mother/daughter look alike contests in and around Atlanta. Does anyone know of any? Thanks in advance…

By past50mom

March 27, 2007 9:19 AM | Link to this

FC Mom, Daycare workers are largely less educated, less well paid, and so less motivated to care about someone else’s kid. That is the reason for the high turnover rate. Daycare should be far less common for two parent families that could live a simpler lifestyle on one income and NOT sacrifice the early childhood upbringing of their children to a bunch of minimum waged adults.

By Meg

March 27, 2007 9:27 AM | Link to this

I totally agree with past50mom. It’s just wrong to leave your kids if you don’t have to, if you don’t think you’ll want to spend time with them or actually raise them then don’t have any. I home school and it’s shocking the number of Moms who say “I wouldn’t want my kids home all day” or “I love it when school starts and I can get rid of them.” Jeepers, I LIKE being around my kids. The more I’m around them the more I appreciate them.

By WasteOfMoney

March 27, 2007 9:29 AM | Link to this

A child always learns things from the environment he or she is in and it would have an impact on the child for several months and even years. This goes on for many years of the childhood as the child grows. While the day care workers may have their share of influence over a child’s learning and behavior, most small children learn from other children they spend time with. How and to what extent is some parent going to know or control what type of children your child spends time with. Same thing applies to with time spends with siblings and with the neighborhood kids. Many things are part of growing up. All this is very obvious to almost all parents. There is no need for investigating and reporting this over six years and maybe spending millions of dollars on it. Use common sense and spend the money on better things which may make actual difference.

By Georgia

March 27, 2007 9:43 AM | Link to this

I don’t believe it’s the day care’s fault how children grow up. It’s the parents responsibility to raise their own kids. My daughter started day care at the tender age of 2 months. I had to go back to work to support us. She is now 16 and is a wonderful young lady. She has been raised to be respectful and tolerant.
I have never had any behavioural issues with her because of the time she spent in day care…… Although I wanted to stay home and raise her without daycare, that wasn’t in the cards for me. I had to put her in day care and I think it benefited her in the early years, and prepared her for school, and social settings. I think the kids who don’t go to day care, and stay home with Momma until the first day of Kindergarten are the ones with behavioural issues. They haven’t been socialized…….

By Mandy

March 27, 2007 9:52 AM | Link to this

The reason for the high turn over rate in daycares is the fact that they’re trying to make a profit. The starting pay for a daycare employee is 6.50. I’ve been working in daycares to get myself through college. I hold an associates degree in early childhood education, and partake in childcare training classes strictly for work, not for college credit. I love my job, consider myself good at what I do, and have 5 years experience so far. Despite this, not many facilities are willing to pay me more than that 6.50 because there are a ton of 18 yr olds fresh out of high school willing to do the same job for that pay. I think parents need to consider how their teachers are being compensated because that makes a big difference in how seriously they take their job.

By FCM

March 27, 2007 9:53 AM | Link to this

Past50Mom I agree that they are…but since so many kids are in these schools wouldn’t the govt be wiser to make sure that educated workers with benefits get these jobs? I am not sure that less educated is all bad…I am not asking rocket scientists to be care workers…Since ancient Egypt small children have been cared for by less educated people.

The despiarity among the schools when you look at them is amazing. Plus I have found that middle class people are the ones hurting the most in all areas, especially Childcare. If your flat out broke people will help you get the care. If you are rich you can pay for that LEXUS care. IF you are just a middle class person doing the best you can tough….Summer camp this year for 2 kids (school age) is going to cost me personally $4,000. That may not sound like much, but remember I still family events to pay for or not go to (and seeing the extended family is important to the kids), back to school fees at end of summer, plus the regular expenses of running our home (food, insurance, mortgage, etc)…

I also agree that behavior should be learned at home. Manners are sorely lacking these days, I had a kid step on my foot and never say a word (it buised too!)…I often am out and am told “your children are so nicely behaved” just because they say Please/Thank you or Sir.

Maybe its just the standard we each have in our head.

By Rachel

March 27, 2007 9:57 AM | Link to this

I agree with many of the different comments posted so far. For me…

Child #1 went to daycare at 4 months old. I quit working when he was 3 years to have child #2. After a couple of weeks at home with mom, child #1 actually begged to go back to daycare - so we enrolled him in halfday preschool. Currently enrolled at a public school, he is in the gifted program and is always THE most well behaved BOY in any class he has ever been in. Never has been a discipline problem at home or school. I am sure that will change someonewhat soon as he is approaching puberty.

Child #2 mostly stayed home with me. He did attend some preschool - but was with me the majority of the time. Now in elementary school, he wants to be the class clown. We are constantly having talks with him about proper behavior, respect for his teacher and his education, and how to steer clear of those kids that don’t make good behavior choices.

So this NIH study contradicts my personal experience. Maybe my situation is classic “birth order” behavior - I don’t know.

I DO BELIEVE, however, that staying at home with your children is the best thing you can do. I regret not learning that lesson sooner than I did. I also believe that alot of a child’s behavior is based on lack of parenting. I constantly see children that have no respect for ANY adult - their parent, teacher, or coach - THAT is the fault of the PARENT.

By past50mom

March 27, 2007 10:00 AM | Link to this

Georgia, Glad your daycare situation worked out so well, but from the study above, it appears that daycare is not always good for children. I was a SAHM for ten years and our three kids all attended a church preschool, three mornings a week for 4 hours each, starting at the age of 3. We had a mom and kids playgroup, and most of my SAHM friends also had their kids in some sort of mother’s morning out or preschool, too. From my experience, your comment about lack of socialization for SAHM kids is wrong.

By Nikita

March 27, 2007 10:00 AM | Link to this

I’d like to point out a few things:

By SundaySchool

March 27, 2007 10:06 AM | Link to this

Let’s be realistic here. A few hours a week in a loving preschool program or a MMO isn’t going to hurt a child or cause him to be a sixth grade monster. I can even argue that it makes stay-at-home parents better able to handle their jobs because a peaceful trip to the grocery store or even a stress-free shower can have amazing restorative qualities. By the time the parent and child have a few hours off from each other everybody is happy to see each other again.

It is ridiculous to saddle mothers with more guilt because they are considering or participate in preschool or allow the children to stay with the father or grandparents. You cannot convince me that 10 hours of preschool-type childcare is the same as a child spending 40-50 hours a week in a daycare.

Parents need SUPPORT and we need to be able to find that support. My son goes to a preschool where is teacher is the sweetest person I think I have ever met. He gets to play on the playground, finger paint, and hear a couple stories—all while I do such self-absorbed things like run errands.

By sam

March 27, 2007 10:11 AM | Link to this

They tiptoe around this issue because GOD forbid someone tell two working parents that they are not thinking about their children’s needs first. The truth is that kids do suffer from daycare. Admit it. They also suffer at the same parents who then get babysitters every weekend night and every oppty so they can work on their relationships…..then they drop them off at sunday school while they do something else. All so they don’t have to be a parent. How about birth control people. Stop having babies for your own entertainment., When you have them put their needs before your own. If you have kids in day care, take them with you on the weekends instead of farming them out again. Grow the H up. You only get one chance at being a parent and not screwing up. YOu already have two strikes.

By past50mom

March 27, 2007 10:18 AM | Link to this

FCM, Daycare is predominately a privately business, NOT run by the government, and IMO the government has no business in seeing that daycare workers are educated and paid a certain salary. We are talking about DAYCARE here, not the HOPE run pre-K program, which is funded by lottery funds, and has qualified teachers. I agree that you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to care for children, but the better educated you are, the better the pay scale, and that determines the level of ‘consistency’ that you were talking about in daycare workers. Frankly, $4K for summer camp for two kids sounds very high to me!!! I agree that good parenting is the key to the success of the children. However, parents need to acknowledge that they are making the CHOICE in subjecting their kids to subpar daycare conditions when the parents/family could live more simply i.e. without $4K summer camps! You CHOOSE how you live, a thrifty & saving lifestyle, existing paycheck to paycheck, or living beyond your means which has resulted in too many people in bankruptcy in the state of Georgia!

By Georgia

March 27, 2007 10:19 AM | Link to this

Past50Mom I was basing my comments on several of my friends who opted to keep their kids out of day care. When it came time for Kindergarten, they were not prepared socially, and thus the parents were constantly being called for their kids disruptive behaviour. I know not all SAHM kids are like this. I would have loved to stay home with my child, but my circumstances didn’t allow it. Had I stayed home, I believe I would have put her in some type of Mother’s Morning out, the closer she got to school age, just for the social skills they develope. I wasn’t trying to bash anyone. I admire stay at home moms. A lot of people think their world is so nice, that they don’t do anything all day long, but in reality it is their JOB, and they are still working, just not outside the home.

“Parethood is the toughest job you will every love.”

By Kerry

March 27, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this

My daughter (20 months old) is at Primrose Daycare. I loved the infant room, but I’m not real pleased with the room she’s in now. The morning teacher I like. She’s hispanic (not sure where from) and doesn’t speak much English, but she is the sweetest woman. And Morgan loves her. Morgan has actually been using some Spanish, which is cool. Good thing I took 3 years of it or I wouldn’t know what she was talking about. The afternoon girls can’t be older than 18 and they don’t seem to have much common sense. I’ve come close to changing schools. If we could afford for me to stay home I definitly would. The only way we could really afford it though is if we moved to a crappy apartment and got rid of a car. And ate Raman noodles every night. It’s too expensive to live now-a-days without both people working.

I do think that a child’s behavior and manners should be controlled and taught by the parents. Too many people seem to think that the school should raise their children. It’s not the daycare’s responsibility to teach my daughter to say please and thank you (which she does). We’re very involved in teaching my daughter manners and how to behave. Because that’s OUR job.

By Bee Boy

March 27, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this

When day care centers are paid at a rate higher that the eligibility requirement for the parent to go to work for $5.35 per hour; it is nothing more than slavery imposed. yes! Low income families and poverty are the new names for self imposed slavery. Obtaining higher education is not an option for childcare seekers. Can you address that aspest some more?

By Opinionated

March 27, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

I am a divorced parent of a 12 year old girl. We didn’t put her in daycare until she was one because her father worked 1st and I worked 2nd shift (my hubby was also going to school so we couldn’t afford for me not to work since I had the better paying job). My mother took care of her in the overlap. When I went back to 1st, we put her in a home daycare with a lady with whom we went to church. Every morning when I dropped her off, I would talk with the lady about what was going on with my daughter. In the evening when I picked her up, I would again talk with the lady about what happened during the day. If there were any problems, I dealt with them then and there so my daughter knew that I wouldn’t stand for disrepectful and disruptive behavior. After I divorced and moved here, I put her in a daycare facility. I did the same thing there. I felt (and feel) it is MY responsibility to teach my child right and wrong, acceptable and not acceptable and the consequences of my daughters choices. It isn’t the daycare or the school’s responsibility. Every child needs to learn FROM THEIR PARENTS that there are consequences to every thing they say or do, good and bad; they will be so much better off.

If parent’s would understand that it is THEIR responsibility, not the daycare, not the school, to teach their children what appropriate behavior is, we’d wouldn’t be having this discussion!

By past50mom

March 27, 2007 10:34 AM | Link to this

Georgia, thanks, and I agree that parenting is hard!.

By Ms. Jones

March 27, 2007 10:35 AM | Link to this

Sam, (AKA holier than thou), what’s wrong with getting a babysitter once in a while to go out with your spouse/SO and enjoy an few hours of being an ADULT???? I love my child, but I love myself too, and I need to be happy in order to raise a happy kid.(If Momma ain’t happy, no one’s happy). If I choose to hire a babysitter one night a month for three hours, that is my decision, and does not make me a bad parent. I’m a single parent, and I need to have time with adults for my own sanity. I don’t farm my kid out.
But I suppose I’ll be attacked from the Holier than Thou group for hiring a babysitter a couple of times a year……

By Sick & Tired

March 27, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this

It never ceases to amaze me how people can always say what should work for someone else. It is an individual’s choice whether to send their child to daycare or stay at home and no one should be treated like a leper just because they don’t do what you think they should.

Also, I have four children; the first two went to daycare the last two did not. My two that did not attend daycare are more outspoken and have to be reprimanded more often than the two who did not. Daycare doesn’t make our children monsters, we do. If you discipline them when they are young you don’t end up with teenagers telling you what they will and won’t do!

Stop looking for someone to blame because your child is a hellion. Stop negotiating with little people who don’t pay the bills. I love my children and when I want to let them exercise their opinion, I let them know, but bedtime and behavior rules are not negotiable, and I’m not asking you to obey, I’m telling you.

By Jennifer

March 27, 2007 10:44 AM | Link to this

I’m a SAHM and I do send my 2 to preschool, 3 days a week for 3 hours. I guess I slide in just under that 10 hour marker!

Personally I wouldn’t give this study too much thought. I’m sure there are studies out there showing that daycare kids excel in areas that SAH kids don’t. I can’t even make generalizations about my own 2 kids so I don’t see letting someone else’s generalizations define my kids.

In my experience, when I worked I had a lot of guilt about putting my oldest in daycare, and I did a lot to make myself feel better about it. I would just cater to her every whim and our weekends revolved around her. She hasn’t been in daycare since she was 22 months old and she’s almost 5 now, and I’m still undoing the spoiling that I did in those days! As a first time mom, I thought I was doing the right thing but obviously I wasn’t. I wonder if other parents overcompensate for putting their kids in daycare? That may account for the behavior problems!

By Georgia

March 27, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this

Sick & Tired WELL SAID……

I don’t need anyone telling me how or what to do with MY child. If I need any advice, I’ll go ask my mother.

By supermom

March 27, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this

Stop having kids if you can’t afford them! Children need atleast ONE sane adult to raise them. Many are not getting this at all, that’s why our public schools are failing. If you decide to have a child, plan it! If it wasn’t planned, kill it! Stop destroying our country with out of control children!!!

By Mommy2

March 27, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this

Let’s be real. Daycares workers are underpaid and never really compensated for the work that they do. Even in the Lexus of daycares, the compensation is still very low. Furthermore, it’s not a daycare workers job to raise your child; it’s a parents. Both of my kids went to the best daycares that my husband and I could afford. They are each thriving in school and aren’t any more argumentative than any other children.

And Ms. Jones, you hit the nail on the head. ALWAYS make Momma happy!!

By FCM

March 27, 2007 10:57 AM | Link to this

Past50Mom….Single Parent/Single Income…I did not CHOOSE to be those things….I do CHOOSE to make sure my children are well cared for while I work….I sacrafice quite a bit for those kids and never regret a minute of it. Sam….I am not out tending to my non familial relationships in the “off hours”….I do not date, I do attend church with my children, I do rearrange my errands so I can be with them not toting them around town.

4,000 is considered cheap care for 11 weeks…I think govt standards can be imposed on private businesses…to get consistancy for the kids…Perdue is for the kids right? We want good test scores right? The best time to teach a kid is 1-5 yo.

BTW I was a SAHM until my ex decided he’d rather live with his girlfriend.

By crass realist

March 27, 2007 11:03 AM | Link to this

HA HA. This entire blog is a joke. “We reap what we sow.”

Some of us have made good decisions in our relationships and our sexual behaviour. Some have not. The “single mom” has gained pariah status in society because so many people have been irresponsible in their choices. GIVE ME A BREAK. The single mom is the most pathetic person in the world because her situation could have been easily avoided. (Can you say “BIRTH CONTROL”?) Before you decided to get laid in the back seat of your Camaro or in the plastic-panelled “living room” of your trailer or in the cinder-block confines of your housing project, you should have thought about the consequences.

Or to put it more bluntly, if you can’t afford the child, don’t get pregnant.

Out of these bad choices has sprung an entire generation of children who are raised by minimum-wage illiterates (caregivers AND parents). And the cycle goes on…

It is unfortunate that those of us who made responsible choices about raising children are now paying the price for the bad decisions of all you LOSERS who have to dump your children at a snot-filled germ factory filled with other offspring of LOSERS. It is a rare thing indeed when the child of a SAHM exhibits aggression or anti-social behaviour (unless the SAHM is a welfare mom with multiple children by multiple sperm donors). It is not the children’s fault that their parents had no other choice but to put them in this position.

Thank God for private schools…

Sorry if this makes anyone mad, but the truth is difficult to swallow.

By OK

March 27, 2007 11:04 AM | Link to this

So, what’s the difference in being a SAHM and putting the tykes in “Mother’s Morning Out” for 3 hours when your sole purpose for living should be ALL about your kids? Forget about that college education ladies, once you have kids, that $25,000 education is used on trips to the playground and PB & J sandwiches.

By Opinionated

March 27, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

Jennifer: I’m sure many parent’s overcompensate for their guilt for putting their kids in daycare just like many divorced parent’s (custodial and non-custodial, alike) overcompensate for the divorce.

I think guilt is an over-rated emotion. Either you made the right decision for you at the time or you didn’t, feeling guilty doesn’t get you anywhere. Do something about the decision or get over being guilty - it doesn’t serve you or your kid(s). You have to make the best of the situation and still do the right thing by your kid(s).

Sure, I felt guilty over getting divorced (did I do the right thing, did I give him enough chances, etc.) but it was a situation that was out of my control (hubby cheated several times that I know about). However, I have this child that I still need to raise to be a productive member of society. Either I can stay feeling guilty and attempt to assuage my guilt for leaving my daughter’s father and thus having to put her into a daycare facility by spoiling her rotten or I can say “what’s done, is done” and move forward to teach my daughter right and wrong and that she isn’t going to get EVERY THING her little heart desires.

It is my job as a parent to set and enforce the boundaries whether or not I make good or bad decisions elsewhere.

By Michael

March 27, 2007 11:13 AM | Link to this

I went from daycare to first grade and never went to kindergarten for some reason. Don’t know if I was argumentative but I am a lawyer now. GO DAYCARE!!

By Opinionated

March 27, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this

FCM: I know where you are coming from. It is easy for people to judge other people’s situations by generalizing. A lot of the time we don’t choose our situations but we have to make the best of it and do right by our kids - it sounds like you are. I applaude you and your efforts because it is really tough being a single parent without another person to help shoulder the load.

We don’t need more criticism for our situations and for the choices we make based on our situations.

By OK

March 27, 2007 11:17 AM | Link to this

Come on, now Crass Realist…if your mother hadn’t gotten knocked up in the back her Camero….you wouldn’t be here…

By 30mom

March 27, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this

FCM,

I agree. I am a middle class working single mom with a 8 mo. old daughter. I can afford to pay my rent, utilities, and maybe very few extras however I live paycheck to paycheck.

If I was able to stay at home with my daughter and raise her that would be a pleasure to me but I have to work. However, I make sure that as soon as I get home I spend hours, playing with, feeding her, and making sure that she knows that mom does not plan on leaving her for good! There is absolutely no way on God’s green earth will I be able to afford today’s standard day care prices of $155-$200 a week. That is the same as paying rent every month. You have to be dirt poor. So poor that you can’t even afford your own place (under $19000) to get any type of day care assistance at all. Perhaps HOPE Scholarships would be better used if they were to develop a program where middle class parents can afford to pay half of daycare while the other half is paid with assistance. In order to be able to afford daycare I will have to get a roommate or move into a 1 bedroom apartment.

I believe that in order for childcare workers to be able to afford what I have they have to be paid over $10 an hour and the only workers getting paid that much are those located in your high-class daycare facilities. $6.50 is much too low to live with so where is the balance? I can’t afford to pay them, but they can’t afford to take care of my child because they have to live too. There needs to be developed some sort of programs for childcare workers and middle class parents as a whole so that neither the worker nor the parent will be shorted quality care!

By Jess

March 27, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this

There is rarely a topic here that does not wind up being about housewives versus working moms. Everyone’s experience is different, if you are a sahm or former sahm (past50mom) please stop judging and letting working moms know how much you dissaprove. We are all trying to do the best we can…. I don’t have a million luxeries we are just trying to have a descent life, put away money for retirement and for college. My daycare is expensive but i am happy with it, i searched forever for a good one close to home, sometimes you have to go with a gut feeling as well.

By Pacer Fan

March 27, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this

If you put your kids in daycare, you don’t love them.

By Sick & Tired

March 27, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this

To Crass Realist,

For the children of single Moms who became that way because of a deceased spouse, divorce or abandonment, (and not because of a lack of planning) do we bury them alive, or feed them to the sharks?

By des

March 27, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this

Crass realist where do you live? Because if it is near me, I am certainly going to move.

By 30mom

March 27, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this

FCM,

I agree. I am a middle class working single mom with a 8 mo. old daughter. I can afford to pay my rent, utilities, and maybe very few extras however I live paycheck to paycheck.

If I was able to stay at home with my daughter and raise her that would be a pleasure to me but I have to work. However, I make sure that as soon as I get home I spend hours, playing with, feeding her, and making sure that she knows that mom does not plan on leaving her for good! There is absolutely no way on God’s green earth will I be able to afford today’s standard day care prices of $155-$200 a week. That is the same as paying rent every month. You have to be dirt poor. So poor that you can’t even afford your own place (under $19000) to get any type of day care assistance at all. Perhaps HOPE Scholarships would be better used if they were to develop a program where middle class parents can afford to pay half of daycare while the other half is paid with assistance. In order to be able to afford daycare I will have to get a roommate or move into a 1 bedroom apartment.

I believe that in order for childcare workers to be able to afford what I have they have to be paid over $10 an hour and the only workers getting paid that much are those located in your high-class daycare facilities. $6.50 is much too low to live with so where is the balance? I can’t afford to pay them, but they can’t afford to take care of my child because they have to live too. There needs to be developed some sort of programs for childcare workers and middle class parents as a whole so that neither the worker nor the parent will be shorted quality care!

By 30mom

March 27, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this

FCM,

I agree. I am a middle class working single mom with a 8 mo. old daughter. I can afford to pay my rent, utilities, and maybe very few extras however I live paycheck to paycheck.

If I was able to stay at home with my daughter and raise her that would be a pleasure to me but I have to work. However, I make sure that as soon as I get home I spend hours, playing with, feeding her, and making sure that she knows that mom does not plan on leaving her for good! There is absolutely no way on God’s green earth will I be able to afford today’s standard day care prices of $155-$200 a week. That is the same as paying rent every month. You have to be dirt poor. So poor that you can’t even afford your own place (under $19000) to get any type of day care assistance at all. Perhaps HOPE Scholarships would be better used if they were to develop a program where middle class parents can afford to pay half of daycare while the other half is paid with assistance. In order to be able to afford daycare I will have to get a roommate or move into a 1 bedroom apartment.

I believe that in order for childcare workers to be able to afford what I have they have to be paid over $10 an hour and the only workers getting paid that much are those located in your high-class daycare facilities. $6.50 is much too low to live with so where is the balance? I can’t afford to pay them, but they can’t afford to take care of my child because they have to live too. There needs to be developed some sort of programs for childcare workers and middle class parents as a whole so that neither the worker nor the parent will be shorted quality care!

By lwa

March 27, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this

@ crass realist - i wonder if you are willing to make all of these harsh comments in person vs. over the computer. I am always in awe of people who judge people the way you have.

I always believe that children are a blessing. There are a lot of people who can’t have kids. However, a lot of people should be more responsible, but those that have posted don’t sound like they are/were not.

Please end up being single parents for many different reasons (I am sure you are old enough to understand the many reasons). Life is to short to talk about the choices people are making that don’t agree with ours.

By Mommy2

March 27, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this

Supermom I think you need a nap! To ask someone to abort simply because their pregnancy wasn’t planned would mean that many of us wouldn’t be alive! Come on!

It’s less about the ability to afford being a parent and more about the desire to be a good parent. When my daughter came along we couldn’t really afford to have a child, but we managed. 13 years later she’s doing great and we’re in a much better position financially. And if a person can’t afford a child and they get pregnant, adoption is always a better option.

And please, public schools are bad for a plethora of reasons. Poor parenting is only one.

By Jsmom

March 27, 2007 11:31 AM | Link to this

The part that I don’t get is why is it mom’s job to SAH? Why can’t Dad SAH? Why does this study say that kids that spend time with DAD 10 + hours a week have behavior problems? Doesn’t that contradict EVERYTHING that we’ve ever heard about the importance of Dad in a kid’s life?

Also, what do they mean by argumentative? Is that not a subjective term?

I also assume that the few posters on here who say all moms SAH ask any woman they come in contact that they will doing business with if they are a parent. If said woman is a parent, I assume you don’t do business with her, since she should be at home? Think about women that you deal with- cops, doctors, nurses, pharmacists, the barrista at Starbucks… sounds like the American Economy might go in the toilet without all of us working moms.

By des

March 27, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this

Jess I agree. No one has a solution for every situation. You can make you comment and it may help some, but not all. Every situation is unique.

For those of you criticizing losers, they never asked to be born either. If you can’t help them, don’t judge them. YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW is going to bite you in the a## one day.

By SAM

March 27, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this

Ms.Jones Of course a babysitter every once in a while is a good idea. Spending time with your spouse is impt. WHAT I SAID was that these people that insist weekend nights are Date nights EVERY weekend at the same time as having their kids in day care for 40+ hours a week, are excessive. Personally I think they are self absorbed, self centered individuals. ONce you have children it should be about what is BEST for that child, not about You anymore.

Choice or necessity for some to put them in daycare. If you do, you should limit the other times that child is away from you. Pick them up to run errands instead of picking them up at the very last possible second…..I know people who put them in day care even on days off from work….does that make sense.

Day care is a fact of life. HOWEVER, parents need to know that they can minimize the negative effects.

By lwa

March 27, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

The behavior of children is molded by the parents, the child’s personality and the environment the child is in. The daycare center alone is not to blame.

By Michael

March 27, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

My trek to my present lawyerdom began as the sixth of six kids; attended daycare in the late ’60s where they hit you at will/whim; went to a Catholic school with old-school nuns; parents divorced when I was three which means I had a single mom; mom worked two jobs; father paid child support when he felt like it and never visited; and I’m Black.

So I guess they really don’t want to interview me for their study. hehehehe

By Prince Faisel

March 27, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

Crass realist treads heavily, but he/she speaks the truth.

By wowzers

March 27, 2007 11:40 AM | Link to this

I’m astonished by the hateful opinions expressed here. If these are the attitudes that your children are exposed to at home it’s a wonder there aren’t more discipline problems. The reports says, “parents’ guidance and their genes had by far the strongest influence on how children behaved.” I don’t think that you have to be a SAHM to express love to and respectful guidance of your children— who will in turn, express the same to their peers and authority figures at school, at home, or elsewhere.

By des

March 27, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

The lady who kept my child had set hours, as does most day care places. It always amazed me how many showed up late to pick up their kids so they could shop or visit with someone. Seems like they weren’t eager to pick up their little ones.

By Opinionated

March 27, 2007 11:47 AM | Link to this

dear crass: NOT ALL single mom’s came to be that way via the method you so graphically described in your post.

Some of us actually were married prior to getting pregnant. Some of us even planned to have our babies - I know my hubby and I did. However, I didn’t have all the information available to me when we were making the decision. I didn’t know that the hubby also had multiple girlfriends on the side until the baby was born.

I also am not a “minimum wage illiterate” as you suggest all single mom’s are - I have a college degree and have a decent paying job. However, I could not stay at home (and off welfare) and keep a roof over my and my child’s head without working. I also at the same time could not leave my child at home by herself; thus, the daycare solution.

So, sometimes single mom’s are thrust into the situation they are in by circumstances outside their control. It is, however, up to them to do right by their kids and take care of them as best as they can. If the only solution is to put the kid(s) into daycare because mommy has to work, then the mommy has to be involved in what goes on at the daycare/school and spend as much time with the kids when they aren’t in daycare.

I’ve seen all kinds of bad behavior out of kids who have SAHMs and working moms. I don’t think it is the situation (SAHM or daycare) but rather the parent’s fault for not being involved and setting boundaries.

By dadof3

March 27, 2007 11:56 AM | Link to this

over50mom, do you smell your own farts? and what does “standard english” mean? I think I’m gonna hurl.

By lwa

March 27, 2007 12:09 PM | Link to this

@PacerFan - your e-mail doesn’t make any sense.

Husband left wife and child. Wife is a SAHM. Husband does not pay support. The wife should:

a: Go to work to provide a decent home, childcare, benefits, etc for she and the child.

b: Become a SAHM, draw welfare and other federal benefits. Become the object of your disgust on blogs that talk about the welfare system.

What should she choose in your opinion?

By crass realist

March 27, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this

To OK:

Let’s see…two sentences, three grammatical errors…I rest my case.

To the rest of you complaining about my opinion:

Once again, I am sorry if you are offended. I am not perfect, but I do think that as a society we have become so afraid of offending people that we don’t state what we know to be true.

Our choices have put each of us in the situation where we are today. Whether good or bad, it is what it is.

And by the way, I am a white male who was raised in a two parent home by a SAHM. I have been married for 20 years to the same woman who has been a SAHM to our three children. And yes, we send them to private schools and did NOT send them to day care.

By SundaySchool

March 27, 2007 12:14 PM | Link to this

SAM-What percentage of parents do you know personally who behaves the way you object to?

By Been There

March 27, 2007 12:18 PM | Link to this

Crass: You haven’t been around too many GROUPS of children if you honestly believe this: “It is a rare thing indeed when the child of a SAHM exhibits aggression or anti-social behaviour (unless the SAHM is a welfare mom with multiple children by multiple sperm donors).”

The SAH parents who are convinced their sole purpose in life is to provide for the comfort, convenience, and pleasure of their children produce little dictators who think the world should be constantly altered to suit their desires.

We have avoided daycare for our two for 4.5 years, because my husband and I were able to adjust our work schedules around their needs (I stopped working my usual unpaid overtime as a public school teacher, he worked from home and in the afternoons/evenings after I got home).

Our children have gone to half day preschool for 2 years. They have learned a lot, have improved social skills and speech, have learned to trust and learn from other adults. BUT, they also learned such time-honored children’s expresssions as “MINE!!” and “I won’t be your friend anymore.” Just as I talk with them daily about their art work and papers they bring home, I tell them that we don’t use words to hurt people on purpose, we share, we take turns no matter how much we want to go first.

By Robin

March 27, 2007 12:30 PM | Link to this

To Des:

I work full time, as does my spouse. We both work for non-profit agencies, so we don’t make a pile of money. We both are in the ‘helping field’, and would not want to work in another field.

I am an older first time mom. My child was born when I was 40.

Currently my mother in law, who has severe dementia lives with us.

Our lives are scheduled around the time the adult care sitter for my M-I-L, has to leave. Our 2 year old attends a day care center.

Some days (gasp!) I take a few minutes for myself. I may walk through a few stores (can’t afford to buy much) and just chill out with a few minutes to myself.

Don’t judge parents who may take a little time for themselves before picking up the child(ren) at daycare. You have NO IDEA what pressure and stress may be going on in their family. Having a few minutes to myself sometimes is the only thread holding my sanity together.

By TheOne

March 27, 2007 12:31 PM | Link to this

Well I see we’re having another round of bashing and verbally abusing each other……SO MUCH FUN……NOT!!!

As for the comment about single parents………..BULLISH!!! Parents can become single parents for various reasons…..i.e. death of the other parent, these ignorant azz men who bail after they get tired of having the responsibilty, etc. So whoever was bashiing single parents…..GO BITE A BRICK* you’re an idiot!!!

By lovelyliz

March 27, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this

I believe the study also found that good parenting mattered far more. Children with an involved parent who places them in daycare will do better than a stay at home parent who raises the kids in front of the boob tube.

By Jennifer

March 27, 2007 12:39 PM | Link to this

Been There - I agree that you can easily raise little dictators. One of my biggest issues as a SAHM is stopping myself from doing too much for the kids. On one hand, I stay home with them to take care of them, but you can totally take that too far and end up with ungrateful, spoiled brats. You have to walk a pretty thin line!

I feel like the best thing I can do for the kids is to teach them self-reliance. I wash my own car, we do our own yardwork, I clean the house, etc. I could easily hire that out but honestly I don’t want to be that spoiled and I don’t want the kids to think that life is all about fun while someone else is cleaning the house.

By Ms. Jones

March 27, 2007 12:43 PM | Link to this

Opinionatedvery well said. However, there are some on this blog that will still try to say YOU are a bad person. YOU chose to lay with your man…….BUT you will not hear them bashing the “Run-away Dad” who continues to impregnant woman and run from obligations. But us single Mom’s are the W******* because WE married them…… Unfortunately, that’s the mindset of some of these bloggers…..

By OK

March 27, 2007 12:44 PM | Link to this

Wow, Crass Realist is a saint AND an English Teachter!

By des

March 27, 2007 12:49 PM | Link to this

Dear Robin: You have not idea what the person or person taking care of your child have going on in their lives either. Once in a while is okay but I am talking everyday. By the way, I take care of my mother in law who also has severe dementia. I don’t have a pity party for myself though.

By Robin

March 27, 2007 1:00 PM | Link to this

Dear Des:

I went back and reread your earlier post. I see now that you referred to not picking up the children on time.

Please allow me to clarify; I ALWAYS pick my child up before the ending time.

I just sometimes take a little time for myself after work and BEFORE the end time for the center.

And, I don’t feel sorry for myself. However, I am overwhelmed most of the time.

Does your MIL live with you? Do you work? Please share with me some of your coping skills and/or ideas.

By OK

March 27, 2007 1:03 PM | Link to this

Hahaha, apparently my fingers can’t type today….of course I meant, TEACHER.

By des

March 27, 2007 1:09 PM | Link to this

I work, have children and motherinlaw to care for. Takes all my time, but I know someday that could be me. I take it in stride, knowing that no one else besides my immediate family will help her. That is just life. Nuff said.

By sam

March 27, 2007 1:11 PM | Link to this

It isn’t about you, ROBIN, its about them. Why would you not want to go get your child/ren if you have that oppty instead of picking them up last? Easier? Need that “me” time? you have plenty of me time in your car more than many who SAH. The childcare givers have worked harder than you ALL Day long, non profit or not….so you can work…chances are they need a break too.

Do you think your kids would object to being picked up early? Do you thnk they should be in day care one more moment than necessary? That is the whole problem shown by the study. Parents put the “me” time before the “child” time. Even chores are opportunities for sharing of the day’s activities, learning skills for helping and being a part of the family…. you can make those outings fun and show how much you value each moment with them.

Working for a non profit really has no more value than your children….although you might kid yourself. YOu chose that job. They did not choose you as a parent. I am sure they would rather see you more… and you have what you consider a less impt job.

By buddy

March 27, 2007 1:16 PM | Link to this

just look at everybody, being mean to each other and judging others’ situations ! hummm, now i wonder why the kids develop the way they do, cause they pick up on the parent’s thinking, whether they are daycare attendees or at homers! you cannot tell others to kill babies, quit jobs , etc. people do what is best for them! now what we can do is tell what works best for us, but downing others for their choices is not nice. everything is good as long as a child is not neglected and home alone all night.i have seen some very caring low paid daycare workers , as well as some very lazy-as- stay at home moms. it just depends. but talking ugly to one another is not cool and that is why your kids are mouthy and not well behaved,because they hear you.and oh yeah, i do not put my kid in a daycare but i will respect another person’s reason for doing so.it is just not my preference or my place to judge.

By Sam

March 27, 2007 1:19 PM | Link to this

Robin, OF course if you are taking care of kids, and working and MIL who has dementia you are hanging by a thread….Perhaps your spouse if he isn’t contributing time in handling either the kids or the MIL on a regular basis, should pull more wt by taking a high paying job…so you can cut back and regain some balance. I truly know that caregivers, especially women, can self destruct if they try to do it all. Seriously, see if you can cut back to 30 hrs or jobshare or tell hubby to pick up one of these areas, taking care of his mother more or the kids…. you obviously have the larger load and as you know only so many hours in a day. Don’t wait until it is too late.

By SA

March 27, 2007 1:26 PM | Link to this

I am so sick and tired of people judging me and others for putting our children in daycare. How dare you people say that the better alternative is to have no children at all????? My husband and I both work for the following reasons: 1. To live in a good school district. 2. To save for our daughter’s college education. 3. To save for retirement so our daughter does not have to worry about us. If I stayed at home we would have none of the above. Some people live to judge others. You have no idea what each person’s situation is. Go to h*!

By SA

March 27, 2007 1:28 PM | Link to this

Oh and by the way, there are many kids in my “Lexus” daycare whose moms do not work but do play tennis, shop and do lunch.

By Jennifer

March 27, 2007 1:29 PM | Link to this

Sam, have you ever been to a child care center? Those people aren’t there out of the kindness of their hearts to take care of children. They are paid HOURLY and if everyone came to pick up their kids as soon as they could they would make less money than they already do! If they don’t want to work until 6, don’t take the freaking hours! Got something more important to do than keep kids? Keep on driving past Primrose when you are looking for a job then! Besides that, when my kid was in daycare there were good times and bad times for pickup. She took a nap from 3-5 in the afternoons and if I was done with work at 4, I really had to run errands or something until 5 because if I woke her up to take her home, her whole night was ruined because her nap was interrupted. With older kids in daycare, a lot of them have dance/gymnastics/spanish lessons, etc going on in the afternoons.

By sandra

March 27, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

People,

Read the study — The study found a miniscule difference in behavior. (1% difference per year in day care). Is that even a reportable statistic? As usual, the media has picked this up and blown it out of proportion. Get the facts and don’t believe everything you read about a study, especially if you haven’t read the study.

By sandra

March 27, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

People,

Read the study — The study found a miniscule difference in behavior. (1% difference per year in day care). Is that even a reportable statistic? As usual, the media has picked this up and blown it out of proportion. Get the facts and don’t believe everything you read about a study, especially if you haven’t read the study.

By Robin

March 27, 2007 1:43 PM | Link to this

Thank you Sam.

My hubby and I are trying to work on those very issues,………him conributing more to the caregiving, etc.

I really appreciate your understanding and empathy. Many people just don’t get it. It is certain not that I WANT to leave my child in daycare longer, I just have to have a little time to myself to ‘regroup’ from time to time.

It is rather difficult to take care of a 2 year old, and a 80 year old with the mentality of a 2 year old, at the same time.

By Opinionated

March 27, 2007 1:44 PM | Link to this

buddy, I appreciate your post.

I’ve seen well behaved kids out of daycare situations as well as out of SAH situations. I’ve also seen poorly behaved kids out of both situations.

It all boils down to the parents and how they are raising the kids because that is the common factor in both situations. It is the parents responsibility to teach the kids what is appropriate behavior and what the consequences are for said behavior in all situations.

By des

March 27, 2007 1:46 PM | Link to this

Is it me or do some of you just don’t want to hear a man’s opinion at all. I’m just saying…………

By ShaneTurner

March 27, 2007 1:47 PM | Link to this

I’d rather have my child raised by poodles than send them to day care.

By Ms. Jones

March 27, 2007 1:54 PM | Link to this

Robin God Bless You!!!!!

I believe there is a special place in heaven for you.

Have you looked for any kind of support group for caring for your MIL? I know there must be, as numerous people are in your position.

My mother is 77, and still very active and physically and mentally healthy, but we have talked about her moving in with me within the next 5 - 10 years. This of course, right after I send my child to college……one out, and one back in.

Good luck to you……you are doing a wondeful job.!!!! Pat yourself on the back the next time you take a few minutes for yourself….

By des

March 27, 2007 1:57 PM | Link to this

I take care of everyone in my family including my mother in law. My father once told me when I married that I made my choices and it was mine to care for. He is right. And I do that because I know some day someone may ahve to care for me.

By Lee

March 27, 2007 1:59 PM | Link to this

What bothers me about this study is that my 9 month old is considered a “day care child” because he is taken care of full time during the day by his father. My husband is a full time PhD student who watches our son while I work and then works on his schoolwork from 6pm to 3am each night. SAHFs have virtually no support and based on my experience are often left out of playgroups and activities organized by SAHMs. I am fortunate to have a job where I can work from home full time and be close to my husband and son. I didn’t want to go back to work, but because my husband no longer had income from school and our bills needed to be paid, I returned to work with a heavy heart, but having my son at home with my husband made the transition easier. We live pretty modestly off of one income, no fancy cars, vacations or houses like our friends with children have, but the were willing to make those sacrifices for our son. I can sympathize with people who have to choose between working to pay bills and taking care of their children. It is a very hard decision to make, but in the end, you do what you have to do in order to take care of your family.

By Robin

March 27, 2007 2:03 PM | Link to this

Thank you Ms. Jones,

I really appreciate your kind words.

I have not looked for a support group. We moved here a few months ago, and I don’t know much about this new area. I will heed your suggestion and try to find a support group.

Thank you.

By Jennifer

March 27, 2007 2:15 PM | Link to this

I don’t think father care should be considered daycare at all. My husband takes care of the kids as well as I do and alone time with dad is great. They may get their mismatched clothes muddy when they are being taken care of by dad but they all have so much fun.

By nurse&mother

March 27, 2007 2:15 PM | Link to this

It would be so nice if we all lived in an ideal world! BUT, we don’t.

It is easy to tell someone else how to live and raise their children. I am lucky that I am able to work part time and have my MIL care for my children until my husband gets home from work (the days I work). However, others cannot afford to either SAH or work part time. And, still others with that choice, choose to work full time. It’s not my place to judge them.

By Ms. Jones

March 27, 2007 2:23 PM | Link to this

Robin Go through your MIL’s doctor and see if they can recommend a support group. Or, call a “Home Care Provider” and they may have some ideas. I know with us baby boomers, we are taking care of our parents more than previous generations, so there definately is support out there. You are not alone.

Call your local Alheizemers (sp) association, they may be able to direct you and help out.

Have you considered part-time in-home care? A visiting nurse can come for a couple of hours just to sit with your MIL. Kind of like a baby sitter for the elderly, and they are experienced with dimentia patents.

I hope these suggestions get you started. Good Luck……

By Opinionated

March 27, 2007 2:23 PM | Link to this

Everyone has their own unique situtation that they have to deal with. We as parents have to make many sacrifices in our lives to ensure that our kids comes a productive member of society. When we take that child’s best interests first, we will make the right decision for that child and for the situation. It may not be the perfect situtation but the circumstances are not always perfect.

I don’t understand all you people on the blog who make judgemental generalizations about others who make choices and decisions that are different from yours. What works for you doesn’t work for others and vice versa. As the study says there is a minimal difference between SAH kids and daycare kids but that it is more dependent on the parents and genes. You are taking this way out of proportion to beat us who put their kids in daycare over the head with your agenda.

By Millwood

March 27, 2007 2:25 PM | Link to this

If I hadn’t been put in daycare as a child I probably would have become an astronaut or something good. Instead I drive an ice cream truck.

By des

March 27, 2007 2:28 PM | Link to this

This is all very interesting but just once I would like to hear from the working class who do not have a master, bs, or phd in anything and who take care of their kids and never complain……………..

By Mary

March 27, 2007 2:32 PM | Link to this

I must say I am thankful I only have one child.
I could not imagine, with today’s day care prices, having more than one kid in day care at a time. I have friends who have several children, and they work outside of the home, but it all goes to pay for the day care. One of my friends has a 4 year old and a 1 year old in day care, and they are shelling out like $350/WEEK ($1,400 month - twice my mortage payment) for day care. Luckily, my kid is out of day care, but I never paid more than $85/week. And that was at Kids R Kids, well over 8 years ago…..I pulled her out of after school care, because they wanted $60/week, and she was only there 30 minutes a day. That came out to $24/hour. I don’t even make that much money at my full time job. Close, but not quite that much. She is old enough to stay home alone after school (high school).

By Millwood

March 27, 2007 2:38 PM | Link to this

Or maybe I would have become a hardcore gangsta rapper. But no…daycare robbed me of this. I hate you Mom and Dad.

By Mary

March 27, 2007 3:01 PM | Link to this

…I would like to hear from the working class who do not have a master, bs, or phd in anything and who take care of their kids and never complain

Des I don’t have any of those fancy titles after my name, however, I try very hard not to complain. I had no idea that I would end up a single parent (not complaining), but I did. Every choice/decision I have made in the last 16 years, was based on my child. I try not to complain, but sometimes I do. I love my child with all my heart, and never regretted having her. Though sometimes I wish I could go back in time, and I would not have married her father, but then I wouldn’t have her. Funny, but when I was a teen, I remember wanting to have my own child very badly. I guess you need to be careful with what you ask for huh? I have made a good life for us and we are both very happy and healthy. We are close and I really enjoy her. However, there are times when I am totally exhausted and I vent/complain. But I could not imagine life without her. She will be leaving for college in just a little over two years, so I want to spend as much time with her now as I can.

By Lynn

March 27, 2007 3:11 PM | Link to this

Robin, I don’t know if you could ever consider bringing someone into your home, but there are a lot of people who do in home care just for living expenses & a few bucks a week. (Example) I have a girl friend who is only 55 with 30 years as a MA, but had a hard time finding a job since so many teens are becoming MA’s and she ended up losing her home. She would have gladly helped you out for just a roof over her head. Just a thought.

By ayoungmom

March 27, 2007 3:16 PM | Link to this

People are taking this survey way out of proportion. A much better survey would be to check on the status of people who went to childcare in the formative years once they become adults. There are plenty of people who not only survive, but thrive in life after childcare. Our kids are strong, if we raise them right, they will be alright. And IMHO, a little challenge and adversity in life is good for the soul and the spirit. As the old adage says, that which does not kill you …you know the rest.

Be nice to each other.

By des

March 27, 2007 3:22 PM | Link to this

I don’t have a title after my name either. But I am glad for what I have. Life’s not always a picnic, but you have to deal with what you get. Must be nice to have the time for support groups. I don’t. I deal with it, because I don’t resent it. You do what you have to do…………….

By Calm down...it's OK!

March 27, 2007 3:24 PM | Link to this

It doesn’t matter if you are a working parent, a stay at home parent, a single parent or a Mom & Dad team! What matters is that your children have the necessities in life (food, clothing, shelter) and that they know they are loved, respected & secured by both parents (or which ever one is raising them). Kids who have a SAH parent know that their parents(s) worked hard to have that lifestyle and kids who have a working parent(s) know that their parents worked hard for them as well.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. What works for one family may not work for another. However, some people are just on this site to upset you- don’t take the bait. As long as you & your family are working hard and are happy together then nothing else should matter, should it? Sleep well knowing that you are doing your best.

By Johnny Fontane

March 27, 2007 3:27 PM | Link to this

Are any of you SAHMs hot? I usually have a free lunch hour….

By Johnny Fontaine

March 27, 2007 3:27 PM | Link to this

I think daycare is great! Have you ever seen the girls that work at them?

God bless babysitters.

By Lola

March 27, 2007 3:28 PM | Link to this

Des

I have no degrees either, and my daughter is enrolled in a Montessori Day Care, where she has absolutely thrived. I pay about $190/week but I feel it is absolutely worth it for the level of education she has already gotten. She knew the alphabet at 21 months, and now, at the age of 2 years and 22 months, she’s read her first word (CAT) and is hungry to learn more.

I was diligent about finding a place to put her during the day (since my husband and I both work a full-time job) and I was determined not to just find a place to “dump” her, but rather a place where she would actually LEARN and THRIVE, and she’s going gangbusters at both. I read her 7 books a night (yes, I said SEVEN) and I think investing as much time and money as I do into her well-being and education has already paid off big time. My furniture may not be new or stylish, but my daughter is one smart little cookie, and I wouldn’t do it a bit differently if I had a chance to.

By Lynette

March 27, 2007 3:31 PM | Link to this

Crass: You have been truly blessed. I hope you really understand that.

I was raised from the age of 7 in a two parent home. Prior to that I was in the home of my Grandparents with my Mother. I remember no time in my life that my Mother did not work outside the home. I was in Day Care and I hated it. Now that I am an adult with my own children I understand how difficult that time must have been for my parents.

I have been very blessed that most of the time my children have been in the care of extended family. With the exception of my oldest who has been in private home and public daycare until the age of 7 or 8. Both situations were less than desirable.

The best of situations was to have a family member to help with my situation. That being said what we as parents are doing the best that we can do at any given time. I never planned to be a single Mom and I try to face it as best as I can.

Crass I hope your situation remains as it is indefinitely but, before you judge single parents (we are not all Mom’s) remember that in just moments you world can be turned upside down. Before you sit in judgment on all these folks walk a while in their shoes.

By Sue

March 27, 2007 3:33 PM | Link to this

Maybe the term argumentative in the survey just means independent thinkers? Just a thought…

By By Me

March 27, 2007 3:40 PM | Link to this

I would give this study more credibility if:

2.Provided margin of error. Study indicated 1% difference, so if i want i can easily say: there is no difference between two groups because observed behavior was 99% the same. After all, nothing in life is 100%.

I was born in Eastern Europe and attended day care for 5 years. Every child attended day care and there were no SAHM or SAHD. All i can say, we are not recognized as argumentative nation.

By publicenemynumberone

March 27, 2007 3:42 PM | Link to this

LOLA,

I READ MY KID EIGHT BOOKS LAST NIGHT.

By Isabella

March 27, 2007 3:47 PM | Link to this

My husband and I both work, make a decent living - we live in a nice house in a nice neigborhood and area with good schools. We both don’t want to move, but with a child on the way - we might HAVE too. But Metro Atlanta is FAR from cheap. We want to give our child the best we can and keep him/her safe. We have looked at ALL the options and we are just going to have to “wing it” the best we can. For the only place we could afford would be paying rent to live in our parent’s basement IF I was to be a SAHM (and we would HAVE to sell a car along with our house). It is just the rent in the area close to work and family is higher than our mortgage for half the space and the area is kinda shady (and high crime rate). So, I will HAVE to work, put our child in daycare so we can PROVIDE the BEST we CAN for our child. We may not be able to buy the latest toys, vacations, etc. - but we can give something to our child that is FREE…our love completely (which is priceless).

By Johnny Fontane

March 27, 2007 3:50 PM | Link to this

All six of my kids love their daycare providers.

By Lola

March 27, 2007 3:51 PM | Link to this

publicenemynumberone

Good for you! The time you spend doing that will pay off for you tenfold.

By Johnny Fontane

March 27, 2007 3:52 PM | Link to this

Hey publicenemy, can’t you read them yourself?

By Opinionated

March 27, 2007 3:54 PM | Link to this

Mary, very well put. You and I sound a lot alike. I dreamt of having a girl when I was a teen (I was the only girl of 4) as well as sometimes regretting marrying her father.

Every decision I have ever made and will make since she has been in existence is based on how it will affect her. She knows that I will lay my life down for her but she also knows that I will take her to task for things she has done wrong. She knows I will take her side when wrongly accused and vice versa. I’m not always popular with her (as I shouldn’t be) and I’m not always her friend. She knows the boundaries and knows what’ll happen if she crosses them. She knows that I will find out if she’s done anything bad because I am in constant contact with her teachers. She is always amazed by the information I know about her so she knows she won’t get away with anything. She knows I’m interested in her because I talk to her every day about what is going on with her. She knows that I’m there to listen and to help if she needs it - sometimes she just wants to vent and not have the problem fixed by me.

She has turned out pretty well adjusted (according to her teachers and others who spend any time with her) even though she was a day care kid and a product of divorced parents.

By Millwood

March 27, 2007 3:55 PM | Link to this

I drank nine beers last night. Burp!!

I blame it on daycare as a child.

By Double View

March 27, 2007 3:59 PM | Link to this

It’s hard to not judge each other’s parenting decisions. Personally, I don’t think that any of them are easy.

I have been a SAHM, a WOHM, a WAHM, and even experienced “single” parenthood for a year while my husband was deployed to Iraq. Absolutely, by far, the most difficult situation was parenting two boys alone for so long. No one can possibly explain to another person how draining it is to be the sole person responsible for your children 24/7 for days on end. I can’t even describe how stressful it was. It gave me a whole new sympathy for single parents. No matter how they got themselves into that situation, we need to do better about helping the ones that we know instead of looking down on them. As others have said, you don’t know their story, so don’t act like you do.

Everyone seems to idolize the postion of being a SAHM. But nearly all of the ones I know struggle financially, and even SAHMs whose husbands make a hefty salary can battle isolation and being overwhelmed with kids 24/7. Again…you can’t know what someone’s experience is until you live it out yourself.

As for me, I’m mostly a SAHM who freelances part-time from home. I have an opportunity to take on a much heavier work load, and I’m tempted to because we could really use the money.

It is HARD to live on one middle-class income these days.

But it is also very hard to leave your children in day care; something that I would have to do if I take on the new job I’ve been offered. I used to work full-time outside the home, and I hated leaving my kids in day care or extended care after school. I don’t know that it damaged them…I really don’t think that it did. I kept that up until I was diagnosed with a chronic illness that prevented me from doing that particular job.

Now I’m thankful for the opportunity to work from home…it benefits my health and I think it’s good for my kids to be able to just come home and chill out after school.

I sincerely believe that most parents…MOST, sadly, not all…truly just want what’s best for their families and aren’t going to actively make choices that they know will harm their children. Kids are resilient…they bounce back. Look at lawyer Michael’s posts above. He didn’t come from an “ideal” family situation but he did well for himself. I think that says a lot about his mom.

Just my opinions. OH, and I forgot to mention: the biggest hellion I know is a four year old boy parented his entire life by a SAHM who is too afraid of losing his “friendship” to enforce any discipline on him. She is married, and makes life hell for her husband if he tries to discipline the boy. As a result, none of us can stand to be around them. I feel so sorry for the teachers that are going to have to handle this child when he starts pre-K. He is absolutely out of control…and daycare had nothing to do with it!

By publicenemynumberone

March 27, 2007 4:08 PM | Link to this

I’M JUSS JOKING WITH YOU GALS. I HAVE MY AU PAIR READ TO THEM. THEN SHE TUCKS ME IN.

By decadent

March 27, 2007 4:12 PM | Link to this

If I ever have kids I’ll stay at home with them. Maybe my husband will too. The government will take care of us.

By Johnny Fontane

March 27, 2007 4:20 PM | Link to this

Gee publicenemy atlanta radio personalitites must make good money these day to afford an au pair.

By GHHT

March 27, 2007 4:41 PM | Link to this

I put my children in daycare so I could spend my time responding to ajc.com links.

By Johnny Fontane

March 27, 2007 4:48 PM | Link to this

My father was a workaholic and my mother was an alcoholic. She stayed home with me when I was a child and I turned out ok.

By Opinionated

March 27, 2007 5:05 PM | Link to this

Double View: spot on!

Two of my brothers are married to SAHMs; one with 3 boys, the other with 2. The one with 3 also homeschools because the school the kids were in said that the kids were disciplinary problems and caused too many disruptions in the classroom.

My parents won’t watch any of the boys because they run around, get into things, cry when they don’t get their way, don’t listen and don’t obey. They will let the kids visit only if the brother also comes. If the mothers come they ignore the kids and expect those of us who are around to keep an eye on them. When we correct one of the kids (or bring the infraction to the mother’s attention) the kids run to mamma boo hooing that they aren’t getting their way. The mamma then coddles the kid or ignores them and us.

However, my daughter gets to spend 2 weeks with my parent’s in the summer WITHOUT my supervision. Why do you think that is?

How a child behaves is not a result of the child care (SAH or day care) but is a direct result of the parenting they receive. If a child is not receiving the parenting they deserve in the home, they will learn from whatever other factors are in their lives. If you aren’t there as a parent to counteract any negative side-effects, then, of course, your kid is going to be ill-behaved and no one will want to be around them!

By HenryCoMom

March 27, 2007 5:06 PM | Link to this

I can’t believe the crazy logic of stopping funds for HOPE to fund daycare. “College brats?” Those “brats” fund our economy and our tax base. Also those brats who finish college can then afford to provide that “LEXUS” education or fund a stay-at-home parent alleviating the burden on all of us. In a city where few families can afford good day care how can they afford quality college which averages over $10,000 a year at small schools? Day care workers have a very important job and consistant regulation is important. I know daycare is hard. Being a parent is hard. Ultimately no one else is responsible for our child’s care. That may mean creative job scheduling, sacrificing that second income and downsizing your consumption or it may mean taking responsibility for your kids. Its not a matter of how to slice up the pie. Its a matter of taking the God-given responsiblity of parenthood seriously.

By Claude

March 27, 2007 5:35 PM | Link to this

Children need to be cared for by someone who cares about them. Sometimes that happens in a day care center and sometimes that doesn’t happen at home. There are always going to be anecdotes on both sides. But in a country of 300 million people, it’s normal to try to look at statistics and probabilities, and that’s what the authors of the study were trying to do. The odds of good child care are better at home, and that result shouldn’t really surprise anyone.

By Sage

March 27, 2007 5:45 PM | Link to this

There are 2 major purposes behind this study. In the mid ’80s, middle class mothers began to enter the workforce en masse. It didn’t take long for suburban public schools to begin to suffer from the same problems that were common in many inner-city schools. The biggest problem was that the behavior of the students deteriorated. Teachers who were used to orderly students were blind-sided by this development. The problem has only gotten worse. We had Columbine and other incidents since then. In other words, one of the reasons this study was initiated was to track aggression and determine its causes.

The other reason for the study is to determine whether or not the agenda of the early childhood professionals is the correct one. The Universal PreK agenda is to play on the desire/need/guilt of young mothers who work outside of the home by suggesting that only Early Childhood educators have the ability to teach young children. Any mother with half a brain knows this is false. But if they can convince enough people that it is true, they will get what they want. Their programs will receive funding and all children will be required to have preK under their belts before entering public school. The teachers will all be those who have degrees in Early Childhood Education and they will be paid fairly well because they will be funded (and unionized).

One of the biggest ways they try to convince parents that children need to be in preK is to highlight the socialization angle. And it works because mothers are working, their children are institutionalized, and the neighborhoods are now sadly and eerily silent during the day.

As I finish writing this, I am listening to a report on a Seattle school’s ban on Legos in school because they say it teaches the evils of private ownership. The socialist agenda of the teachers’ unions is becoming more and more apparent. Do we really want our youngest children subjected to this?

If not, what do we do about it?

By WorkingMomOf2

March 27, 2007 6:28 PM | Link to this

I’m reading these blogs as my children are playing on the floor. Both my husband and I work; therefore our children spend five days a week in a locally owned day care facility. I work because I love my children, and this is the best for our family. A few things I’ve noticed here:

1 The price of a day care facility is not directly proportionate to the level of care the child receives. We switched our oldest child from a more expensive location to our current cheaper day care, and are thrilled! It’s a private, family-run facility where our children are introduced to the Spanish language, math, spelling, karate, gymnastics and even Bible study to name a few. I didn’t have half of those items at my “LEXUS” location.

2 Manners. A child’s manners has only a little to do with their school. If a parent doesn’t stop their ill-behavior at home, why should we expect a teacher to correct that? My daughter is 3 years-old and likes to test the waters a bit on obediency. My husband and I have a united front: disrespect will not be tolerated in our household. “Those people” who believe lecturing a child will get the end results have not read the sections of our Bible which discuss that true love for our children includes discipline. I have no qualms about disciplining my child in public if s/he is misbehaving. Disciplining 30 minutes after the unwanted behavior has occurred typically has a lesser effect on correcting this undesired trait.

3 Why does our society often feel the need to blame someone else? Our children are learning that it is never their fault. It’s time to step up and take responsibility! I’m to blame when my child hits another. I’m to blame when my child calls bad names. I’m to blame when my child runs screaming thru the store. And I don’t always need to apologize to others, I need to teach my child the correct way to behave… then tell her/him that I love them.

By Rita

March 27, 2007 6:29 PM | Link to this

I think OPINIONATED is fabricating her story. It amazes me how some people make up lies to make their own lives seems so much better. Wake up. Working mothers are selfish.

By SAHM Rules

March 27, 2007 6:59 PM | Link to this

All this talk about looking for a LEXUS daycare is just hillarious. If you would have made the proper decisions in your life and not had children that you could not afford - you could be driving around town shopping in your LEXUS.

Stop pawning your kids off to a daycare. Why would you give birth to a child that you don’t want to take care of?

Finally, stop buying into the 2 income trap. Live an authentic life and quit trying to be something you are not. It amazes me to see how many middle income families are living the lie of an upper income life.

I agree - working mothers ARE SELFEISH. SAHM RULE!!!!!!

By Aerin

March 27, 2007 8:44 PM | Link to this

When did we become such a rude society? No excuse me, if you walk between someone in conversation. No pardon me for bumping into someone. That is from adults. Not children. We have to as individuals, start it ourselves, w/in the home to make a difference, at every age. Remember the old adage, “Setting an example”. Next time you are out and you see positive behaviour in “a-n-y-o-n-e” you are interacting with, regardless of age, compliment them. It could be the start of something wonderful. I know I find it refreshing when I see it occur. Certainly makes the person smile. We would all enjoy seeing more of those too. I know I do.

By Mary

March 28, 2007 7:48 AM | Link to this

Rita You are absolutely correct, we working mothers are very selfish. We only thinking of ourselves as we are dropping the kids off at daycare/school, sitting in traffic for 45 minutes, putting in 8 hours of hard physical work at the office, sitting in traffic again, deciding what to cook for dinner, wondering how many stops we have to make on the way home, then selfishly cook dinner for our families, then assist with home work, make sure everyone is nice and clean, put everyone to bed, then maybe, MAYBE get 15 minutes to “detox”. Only to do it all over again the next day. Yea, real selfish……..

Get a clue. Or a life…..

By Ashlyn

March 28, 2007 7:56 AM | Link to this

My friend and I are expecting and are due about a month apart. Both of us are planning to go back to work after the allowed leave time. We both don’t have a choice - even though we are both married and have two salaries coming into our homes. Here is were we differ: she demands to her husband to send their child to a “Lexus” child care. No “buts” or “ands” - she didn’t even look around, just went by the name and knowing it that it is in the “right” area and that because it cost more it must be better. My husband and I, on the other hand, visited a BUNCH of day care centers - and we will be paying half the cost she will be paying. When we told her that and where her reply was “I could never send my child there, what would people think - I mean, it isn’t even a well-known place. Plus, look how cheap it is, it cannot be good if you pay less than the well-known day cares”. I told her that I knew many people who sent their kids to “Lexus” day cares and ended up taking them out. It isn’t always “greener” where you have to dish out more green ($$$$). I have many friends who agree with me and are trying to talk our friend into looking around. What is sad is that she doesn’t see that she will be spending her entire paycheck to pay for daycare (and little bit of her husbands too), while I will be bringing more than half of mine home (she actually makes a little more than me). To me, if you are working JUST to pay day care, just stay home and be SAHM and do the Mom’s Day Out thing if you want to interact with other adults. It is really pointless to work just to pay for day care.

By Tina M.

March 28, 2007 8:03 AM | Link to this

I knew a family who lived on my street when I was a child. The mother was a SAHM and gave 100% to her 4 kids and husband. Because of this she never really took care of herself. Around the time her kids were around junior high she found out that she had cancer. Because she waited to take care of herself and it took her blacking out and causeing an accident for them to find the cancer. By that time it was in its latter stages and within months she passed away leaving 4 children (under the age of 16) and a husband to take care of everything. Due to her unselfish ways she ended up passing away. Not taking care of yourself is being selfish - extremely selfish.

By Smitty

March 28, 2007 8:13 AM | Link to this

SAHM are selfish in my book. They contribute NOTHING to society and are absolutely useless. They drive gas guzzling SUVs and chat on their cell phones like they are the most important person in the world. Meanwhile hubby is working 50+ hours to support this selfishness. Disgusting!!! Most working people get one hour for lunch, and cannot stand to be behind some SAHM trying to place an order for 4 kids. She has to ask each kid, “Suzie, what to you want to drink, coke or sprite, Johnny precious, what do you want, no you can’t have fruit punch, choose something else, Muffy, do you want a cheeseburger or just a hamburger, Jill do you want chicken nuggets?”. We working stiffs spend 15 minutes of our precious time behind this selfish SAHM in line. Feed the kids at home, and then take them to the park for exercise. Don’t come out to lunch when those of us who are working have to put up with your brats and your selfish behavior. It goes both ways……..I admire working moms. They should be awarded for their hard work - and keeping it all together. The SAHMs are happiest when their kids are all in school, so they aren’t home bothering mommy who doesn’t want to work. And SAHMs hate summers when they actually HAVE TO be with their kids for 10 whole weeks. Oh Boo hoo.

By shibuii

March 28, 2007 9:09 AM | Link to this

I wish I went to day care as a child. Instead I was raised by homeless men that took me in while my other daddy was working the streets.

I blame both my daddys for my success. I hat them.

The government should have not let my daddies make the mistakes they made with me.

By Opinionated

March 28, 2007 9:26 AM | Link to this

Again, Rita and SAHM rules, you are making judgemental generalizations.

As I said before, some working mom’s don’t have a CHOICE as to whether they work or not. Some HAVE to work to make ends meet and it isn’t because they are living beyond their means or buying luxuries. Some are working just to put a roof over their children’s heads, food in their bellies, and clothes on their backs. I happen to be one of those mom’s and I’m not single by choice either. Everything I do, I do for my daughter. How on earth does that make me selfish???

Granted there are many working moms that are selfish. There are however many SAHMs that are just as selfish if not more so, such as my sisters-in-law. Their husbands work their tail ends off to make ends meet while they SAH and spend all the money on $1000 bunk beds and closets (yes I said closets) full of clothes. They have so many clothes the kids don’t have to wear the same outfit more than once a month! Unbelievable.

So don’t sit in judgement when you haven’t a clue about the situation or the circumstance.

By CheapSeats

March 28, 2007 9:34 AM | Link to this

I was reared by hippies.

By SAHM Rules

March 28, 2007 9:42 AM | Link to this

Ahh - I love to stir the pot!

Admit it working moms - you are living a LIE! You only work to live a life that you cannot afford. If you were to have married a real man with a real job to begin with - you would not be in this situation, now would you? And how about all those kids you could not afford? Blame the economy, cost of living, etc. for all your woes - but you and hubby have no one to blame but yourselves.

My husband and I BOTH have MBA’s. We decided BEFORE we had children that he had the potential to make more than I - so when WE decided to have children I retired. Now he is free to dedicate his time to a career and I dedicate my life to our family and future. We always make SMART decisions about everything we do. We live amongst the middle income even though we are upper. We pay cash for our cars, and everything we buy.

Try living below your means - it can be done! Your children are suffering. I volunteer at in my chidren’s classrooms and the kids of working moms are THE worst. The parents are not involved, the kids lack discipline and respect, they are not the brightest, and they come to school sick.

Please get you head out of the sand - NO ONE is telling you the truth. Society is too politically correct to tell you how it really affects your children and your future.

Stop and think - when did children become so out of control? It all dates back to when women decided to enter the workforce.

Wake up people - your life is passing you by…

By Ms. Jones

March 28, 2007 9:56 AM | Link to this

SAHM Rules What a beyotch you are! Very uppity. I bet your nose is so high in the air you can’t smell your own toothpast. You are the selfish one. Marrying for money. I bet you shopped around for a rich husband and married the first guy that made over $100K. You definately married for money. I feel bad for your husband. No wonder he works so hard, he needs to get away from YOU and your selfish lifestyle.

Try living below your means - it can be done! Your children are suffering. I volunteer at in my chidren’s classrooms and the kids of working moms are THE worst. The parents are not involved, the kids lack discipline and respect, they are not the brightest, and they come to school sick. What a crock. You need to get your head out of the sand if you truly believe this.
I not only work 40 hours a week, I too volunteer at my child’s school. And believe it or not, SAHM send their sick kids to school to, so they don’t have to be bothered with them. My child is far from suffering. You are useless and contribute NOTHING to society. Pull your own head out of the sand and get a life. Better yet, get a job and help your husband pay for YOUR lavish lifestyle.
What a mean, hateful person you are!!!

By WorkinMom

March 28, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this

Uh, My husband and I do live WAY below my means. I live in a small, inexpensive house, We drive 2 cars that are each about 10+ year old car (paid for), debt free, shop at discount stores, never been on a vacation - and guess what, we both still have to work. No thanks to all those keeping prices up because everyone is trying to keep up with the Jones and thus people know people will pay top dollar for stuff. At the end of the day, if I didn’t work we would be in the red. We are big spenders at all, but our bills add up - and there are no free utilities. Mortgage, Gas, Electric, Internet, TV, Home phone, cell phones - and we keep to the basic plans too. The money I make goes to pay towards retirement, emergency fund and day care. If I didn’t work and a car went “kerplunk” we would be in deep crap and would be in debt, since I work and if that happened, guess what - we could pay it off in cash, completely. I work so we don’t have to go into debt if anything should happen. I am keeping us in the black - which means my children have security of not having to worry if they will lose the bed they sleep in. Boy, that makes me so selfish…. get a clue.

By Opinionated

March 28, 2007 10:12 AM | Link to this

SAHM Rules: You didn’t read my post, did you? I know you didn’t.

It’s great that you and your husband are on the same page as far as children and finances are concerned. It’s great also that he’s willing to let you stay home - some men want their wives to work. Most people get married thinking that both are on the same page and one or both people change after the knot is tied (or lied).

I thought my hubby and I were on the same page but we weren’t. I am a single working mom NOT by choice. Many moms are single and working not by choice.

However, you only see things your way. You don’t take into consideration that some people’s choices were taken away from them.

Would stay with your husband if he were cheating on you? Would you stay if he were beating you? Would you stay if he were abusing your children sexually or otherwise?

There are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule.

How about those moms whose husbands died or were killed? Are they selfish?

By Tina M.

March 28, 2007 10:20 AM | Link to this

So, if a man doesn’t make that which is up to “your” standards SAHM Rules he isn’t a real man?

You need to get a reality check.

My husband is a “real” man. He may not make as much as the 6+ figures yours seems to make so you can watch you soaps while you kids play or take a nap, but he is ALWAYS there for his kids, makes sure there is a roof over their heads, a bed to sleep in, clothes on their backs, they get well educated, food in the stomachs - all this WAY before he worries about if they don’t have all the toys in a collection that their classmates “all have”. If there is money left over, he’ll try, if not - sorry, you don’t get that toy this month - any money left over is put into savings for a rainy day, a birthday or hoilday. THAT IS a REAL man and parent.

Yes, I work, but I WILL take off or work from home if my kids are sick without complaint. I WILL work a different schedule one day so I can leave early on day of my child’s program. I also talk to my boss and I am not afraid to do so - he knows I have kids and HAVE to take care of them. I make my work schedule around my children and the company I work for knows this and I am very clear about it. I will not work somewhere were they don’t allow it. I know some don’t have that option, so they do the best they can. I don’t think I am better because I can. We all live different lives and no one can live the life of another the same. It is IMPOSSIBLE. EVERYONE has their own situations that are sometime beyond their control or choosing.

By Opinionated

March 28, 2007 11:30 AM | Link to this

SAHM Rules:

A SAHM can be a good parent or a bad parent - I’ve known some of both. Just because you stay at home doesn’t automatically make you a good parent. It just makes you unemployed.

Some of the SAHMs I know plunk their kids in front of one T.V. and they go sit in front of another and never interact. Or they go shopping to spend all their husband’s hard earned money because they are bored and drag the kids along for the ride. Or they spend all their time on the phone talking to another SAHM complaining that their husbands are never home with their kids hanging on their legs.

There are pros and cons to working or SAH, and both produce misbehaving children. So don’t judge other people’s decisions if they are different from yours if you haven’t walked a mile in their shoes.

By SAHM Rules

March 28, 2007 12:37 PM | Link to this

Ms.Jones, Opinionated, et al…

I must apologize - I was volunteering at my children’s school most the morning. The teacher so needed my help. You know how disfunctional those kids of working moms are…

I find it hilarious that some of you working mom’s are blogging during the day. Bet your boss would love to know how you spend your work hours…

Let’s see … my husband and I grew up very middle class and met in college - working and paying our OWN way. We have been together almost 20 years - and enjoyed our low income days, just as much as we enjoy our life now. Again, WE have ALWAYS made SMART financial decisions and INTELLIGENT choices regarding our children. If something were to happen to my husband or myself, even before children, our financial futures are very secure. Again, it’s about the CHOICES you make. Obviously, some of you have made horrible decisions. I feel nothing but pity for you. Own up to them - and quite blaming others for your mistakes. Your children are paying the price.

I am very secure in knowing that, well - I AM RIGHT. You however, I just cannot put into words - it’s just very sad…

By Sage

March 28, 2007 12:44 PM | Link to this

It’s rather sad that this discussion always deteriorates into a shouting match, rather than one that looks at the bigger issue.

America is disintegrating into chaos and anarchy and it’s time we figure out why.

By Ms. Jones

March 28, 2007 1:26 PM | Link to this

SAHM Rules I too stopped by the school and volunteered one hour of my time, BEFORE I came to work (6:30 this morning). I just might stop by after work and give them another hour. But with me being a selfish working mom, I really shouldn’t give the extra hour in the afternoon.
Oh yea, and on the weekends usually EVERY Saturday, this selfish working mom also volunteers at my Vet, along with my selfish child. We selfishly take care of the animals that are being boarded. (This is selfish volunteer work.) Then we selfishly go home and prepare a meal for an elderly widow in my neighborhood, who all the selfish working moms take turns helping her out. Then I have to selfishly take care of my home, laundry, chores etc.
So why don’t you just take your uppity self over to the tennis courts with Babs and Muffy and complain about your husbands, while the teachers (selfish working women by the way) babysit your children.
Who would teach/babysit your kids if these selfish working women were to quite being selfish and quite their selfish jobs? Ponder that while waiting your turn at the tennis court. Just think about what would happen if all the selfish working women were to quit their jobs? Who would do your manicure, your hair and clean your house?

By Opinionated

March 28, 2007 1:37 PM | Link to this

SAHM Rules: You did not answer my questions so I can only conclude that you either didn’t read my post or you know that there are exceptions to every rule and choose to go through life with blinders on.

For your information, I also paid my way through college. I have a 401K, IRA and a college fund set up for my daughter. I own my own home in a nice subdivision and fairly new car. I have no debts. But I’m not a trust fund baby so I have to work to pay the bills. The only 2 things that are different between you and me is I am no longer married and I don’t sit at home on my big, fat a**, sitting in judgement of those who HAVE to work, plunking my kids in front of the t.v. and spending all my husband’s hard earned money!

You can make all the SMART and INTELLIGENT decisions you want but life and other people have a way of throwing a wrench in the works.

Maybe your life has gone exactly as you planned and I say good for you. But, not everyone has had it so lucky.

Why don’t you get of your high horse and stop looking down your hoity toity little nose and stop judging people?

By Opinionated

March 28, 2007 1:46 PM | Link to this

Ms. Jones: I agree! I think I spend more time with my daughter than my sisters-in-law do with their kids. Since they are home all day with the kids they fill up their days doing all this other stuff - like take tennis lessons, shop, sleep, watch soaps - and let the kids fend for themselves.

By Opinionated

March 28, 2007 4:01 PM | Link to this

SAHM Rules: I’m curious, if your staying at is so much better for the children, why then do you have them in school? Why aren’t you home schooling them? If you aren’t home schooling why then aren’t you volunteering ALL day at their school? I mean if your staying at home is all about the kids then they should be at home all day every day with you - not being foisted off on the school.

No, I think you are lazy and didn’t WANT to work and are making it all about the kids.

By SAHM is lonely

March 28, 2007 4:17 PM | Link to this

Obviously SAHM Rules is a lonely woman- otherwise she wouldn’t feel the need to blog about herself all day. She thinks her husband is at work, but he is either playing golf, at the bar, hanging out at the “Sugarloaf Country Club” with the girls, etc…anything to avoid coming home to her. I can’t blame him either. I hope he reads this blog and figures out what a b*** he married. Maybe he will take the kids and run before she can ruin them even further.

Before you comment- I too am a SAHM and I don’t think I am any better than a working parent. I rarely read this blog but it looked like an interesting topic- until I ran across her rants. What a horrible person she is! I truly hope she finds some form of happiness because her perfect little life may just fall apart one day.

Big hugs to ALL moms, regardless of their status, for all that we do everyday. It’s not easy being a parent these days.

By Opinionated

March 28, 2007 4:39 PM | Link to this

Back atcha SAHM is lonely

It is definitely hard being a parent without someone criticizing your efforts. We should be building each other up not tearing each other down.

By Doug H

March 30, 2007 8:26 AM | Link to this

These headlines about this daycare study are misleading.

First, there is only a 1% difference in behavior between students with daycare vs. those without. Second, that difference is only between students with 4 years of daycare (5-10% of kids), not 1 or 2 years of daycare like most kids get.

Third, quality of parenting was found in this study to be a huge factor in child behavior and performance. Daycare by comparison made little difference at all.

Forth, regardless of any of this, these are just correlations, not causes. Say 4 years of daycare is associated with a slight increase in problem behaviors 5 years later. That is a correlation, it doesn’t show that daycare causes the problem behavior. There may be a third underlying factor impacting this correlation. For example, working parents who have less income and time to spend on their kids have to put them in daycare longer, and also have less time to discipline or attend to their kids’ behavior. In other words, quality of parenting might be lower for kids who are in daycare longer.

By anonymous

March 30, 2007 6:52 PM | Link to this

I’d be interested to see what a study would show about the behavioral characteristics of the children of the hate mongers on both sides of this issue.