MOMania

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 8:38 AM | Link to this

I was a SAHM for ten years, then went to law school when my youngest went to school. Guilt, H#!!, misery was more like it. I sobbed every day after talking to my kindergartner from law school when the kids got home from school. He would say, “Mommy WHY do you have to go to law school?” And my tears would stream. The upside of my return to school was that my husband became primary caretaker for most day to day needs, and the kids really developed a great relationship with their dad.

By Sam

March 22, 2007 9:10 AM | Link to this

Gee past50mom, if you had tried really hard I bet you could have fit “law school” in that post one more time.

By Jennifer

March 22, 2007 9:13 AM | Link to this

I’m a SAHM to 2 preschoolers so we get plenty of time together! I worked full-time until my 2nd was born. At that point my oldest was 22 months old and had been in daycare. Our evenings consisted of rushing home for dinner, a few minutes of play/cuddle time, and then bath and bed. Lots of mommy guilt in those days! I spent lots of lunch hours driving to her daycare and holding her.

Now that I’m home, I try to get all of the “business” stuff out of the way before Dad gets home so that all he has to do is enjoy the kids.

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 9:27 AM | Link to this

Sam, so what’s your point? Got any guilt over your kids?

By beth

March 22, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this

If working moms really felt like they were doing the right thing by working (and many do), there would be no “mommy guilt.” If it works for you, great. If you have reservations, find a way to stay home. Every family is different.

I think the reason the amount of time that mothers spend with their children has gone up is because in the past, mothers’ lives were not quite as “child-focused” as today. I think there were more stay at home moms back then, but the neighborhoods were friendlier and mothers were more likely to send John or Susie out to play by themselves. They might have a cocktail with dad at night, (nothing wrong with that), or a valim and a nap each afternoon (not a good idea).

Today it seems folks put the children above all else. It’s almost like child worship. The kids are calling the shots and the mommies are running themselves ragged to keep up.

Got to work to make the money to drive the SUV to keep up with the neighbors to take the kids to softball and still time for “quality time.”

You can’t have/do it all. Make some choices.

By Singleparent

March 22, 2007 10:18 AM | Link to this

I admit I had Mommy Guilt. As a single parent, it just killed me to have to leave my baby while I went to work.
Now she is a 16 year old, with a learner’s permit and a part time job. We spend alot of time together, just the two of us. I no longer suffer Mommy Guilt. I have made a wonderful live for us and we are very close. We travel alot, little three day weekends. I take time off from work and spend a day with her during the summer. We go out to dinner one night a week, and take turns picking out a restaurant. Sometimes I get a little Mommy Guilt when I go on my Girlfriend Weekends. It’s four days apart, but I need to “re-charge” or just focus on me, to keep me sane. Every Mom/woman needs a girlfriend weekend. I take mine in March, and go to Savannah with 5 girlfriends, and just let off steam!!! The first time I went, I felt very guilty for going off and enjoying myself, and leaving her with relatives. However, I have done this for about 6 years now, and I really look forward to focusing on ME!!!

By des

March 22, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

I work, but family is first. I chose to have children and I don’t see spending time away from my family. However, like the reader above, children shouldn’t call the shots. I don’t have anyone that I like spending time with other than my family.

By JustMe

March 22, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

I heard Christian teacher Beth Moore say once “in between M-O-T and H-E-R is G-U-I-L-T”. I can’t think of any better way to state it.

By Sunny

March 22, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

Beth I do put my child first. She is the most important thing in my life. And I can do it all, I am doing it all, and I am doing it by myself. Don’t tell me I can’t do it all. I have been a single parent for 16 years now. I work 40 hours a week, but still take my kid to school on the way to work, I take her to her softball games, I take her to her part time job, I take her to church and youth group. I have given her roots and now she is trying out her wings. My job is almost finshed, raising her. I have armed her with information so she can make good choices. She has surrounded herself with good kids, I know them and their parents. She is not allowed to go to the Mall and hang out. She has friends come over to our house, and they hang out in a “teen-friendly” basement. Just about every Friday or Saturday night, there will be 6 to 7 kids in my basement.
This is very important to me, as she will be leaving my house in two short years. I don’t have much time with her, before she starts out her own life, but I feel I have prepared her for that big nasty world out there, and I have prepared her for negativity, especially from people like you. Don’t ever tell anyone they can’t do it all. Some of us do, and we do it ALONE!!!!

By beth

March 22, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this

Sunny, sounds like you have it all under control. Some people just aren’t that dedicated or organized. Kudos.

By danish

March 22, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this

My 1 yr old has been having a melt down every nite as soon as we get home—so I try to feed him some dinner, we throw him in the bath, and then he nurses to sleep because he can’t keep his eyes open.

That means about 45 minutes of time with me and 15 minutes with his daddy. But most of that has been him crying because he is so tired. He gets good naptime at daycare for the most part…

I feel terrible about this but we have to work. If he could stay awake and be pleasant just 30 minutes more I would feel better.

I truly wish I could work parttime to spend more time with him. It is just not possible, and neither of us drive an SUV, and our mortgage is under $700.

By tc

March 22, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this

I’ve had a little of this lately since I’m getting my own business going. She is 15 & understands that in order to go to college, mom has to do this. Once things are up & going strong, there will be extra time above what I currently have. In the meantime, we still do dinners etc. together & take at least 3 weeks vacation per year as a family. I think she’s OK with the situation. It’s on an individual basis, so what’s right for one may not work for another. If you notice your kids grades falling or they’re too preoccupied to talk to you then obviously you need to cut a few hours from work & spend more with them. Some kids just plain our require more attention than others.

By Sam

March 22, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this

Pat, pat, pat

There you go past50mom, obviously you were wanting that pat on the back for going to law school.

(all you had to do was say that you went back to school, but nooooo, you pointed out it was law school three times)

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 11:00 AM | Link to this

Sam, are you having a bad day and so need to pass on your negativity? Time to get over it and move on, sweetie.

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

Sam, I never enjoyed school, it was just a means to an end, and ranks among the least of what I value as accomplishments. So, no I don’t need any pats. Pick on someone else.

By hmmm

March 22, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

Sam, were your LSATs not high enough to get in or what? I’m going to take up for Past50Mom. I don’t think she was out of line.

For the record, my husband is in law school. I can’t wait until he finishes law school. Bringing home the bacon while a spouse is in law school is tough.

I can mention it a few more times…

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this

hmmm, thanks and good luck to your husband in LAW SCHOOL! I know the sacrifices the family makes, and you deserve one of those pats on the back that Sam is offering…..

By Sam

March 22, 2007 11:20 AM | Link to this

Ahhh, I see past50mom and hmmm, are wanting to bloat their egos today. Geez people, just stick to the topic. All this because past50mom intentionally went out of her way to repeatedly let everybody know she went to law school.

Fine, let’s play the p** game. I live in a Buckhead house that costs over $1,000,000 and drive a Range Rover. Yeah, I guess I’ll get some gas for my Range Rover on my way home to my $1,000,000 house this afternoon. And no, I don’t have a large mortgage because we have over 80% equity in our $1,000,000 house which has a Range Rover sitting in the garage at night, next to the Lexus.

past50mom and hmmm, done now? Need to bloat your egos anymore? Or can you try and stay on topic now?

By Sunny

March 22, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

Beth Thank you, I apolgize for “going off” on you.
Sometimes bloggers hit nerves of other bloggers, and I admit you hit a nerve with me…please accept my apology…

It is so hard to be a parent these days, especially a single parent. I pride myself in the work I have done with my daughter, and know that I can release her into society as a responsible, functioning adult.
I do know some parents who fully give in to their kids, and I think it is doing a dis-service to the kid. They aren’t taught that in order to appreciate something, they have to work for it. My parents never purchased a vehicle for me when I was younger, but most of my friends parents did. My father felt that if I truly wanted something, I had to work to earn it. He told me I would appreciate something if I purchased it myself. I am now passing that down to my daughter. For example, she wanted a new Chocolate cell phone, and I didn’t want to pay for it. So she got herself a part time job, saved for two months, and got her own phone. It really made her feel good and I believe she appreciates that phone since she had to work for it.

By fer

March 22, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

I was a SAHM until my kids were 3 and 5. Then I went back to school for a year and after that went to full-time employment. My daughter says it was the best thing that could have happened to her. She was encouraged to solve her own age-appropriate problems; she knew her mother wasn’t going to be hovering over her every move. Both of my kids are responsible, independent adults now.

By beth

March 22, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

Sunny—I knew I had inadvertantly hit a nerve but its cool.

That’s great about your daughter buying her own phone—I bet she won’t lose it either—because SHE bought it.

fer—my mom stayed home until I was 7 and my brother was 3. Her going back to work DID help us to become more independent. It helped us learn how to “fend for ourselves” a little bit.

Though she says the best years of her life were those that she stayed home with us.

By Georgia

March 22, 2007 11:37 AM | Link to this

Sam are we just a bit jealous that past50mom is proud of herself????? Do you have ANY IDEA what it takes to put yourself through LAW SCHOOL, while raising kids? Do you even have a High School education? The woman deserves more than a pat on the back.
Kudos Past50Mom you are my hero!!!! You go girl!!!!!

Oh and Sam - you might want to try getting a life. Or attend Anger Management classes………jealousy is an ugly monster…..

By Really Sam

March 22, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

Nowhere do you mention your work for all those things. Congratulations. Sounds like someone is making good use of their MRS. degree. I assume you’re a woman, right? Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading a blog called MOMania. Right?

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 11:48 AM | Link to this

Sam, LOL, you troll! You are the one not even addressing the topic. If you reread my original post you will see that I had a LOT of GUILT for going back to school when my kids were young. LOL on the ego comments, too. I think your wasteful lifestyle and excess is embarrassing. We live OTP in an older working/middle class neighborhood. I don’t think my neighbors even know that I am a lawyer. It’s not something I bring up at social gatherings either. Our house is 22 1/2 years old, paid for, but we need a new roof, painting inside and out, new wiring, and a new garage door. I drive my father’s hand me down Oldsmobile that has 177,000 miles on it, and I shop at Wal-Mart, online, and the outlets for the best deals on whatever because we have had three kids in college over the past seven years. Here is what I value; my 29 year marriage to my wonderful husband, and our three kids who will all be graduating this year, one from grad school in May, one from GT in August and one from UGA in December. My children are intelligent, hard working, well behaved, and ready to lead their own successful adult lives. That is what makes me happy, not diplomas and the expensive crap you went on and on about.

By Lauren

March 22, 2007 11:49 AM | Link to this

Um, Sam, you have some anger issues. I hope you get them straight soon. Maybe venting against innocent people you don’t even know might make you feel better but it sure makes you look like an a55.

By poop

March 22, 2007 11:50 AM | Link to this

Who is jealous of an elderly lawyer? Lawyers are like catfish, they swim on the bottom.

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this

Georgia, thanks for your support. The point of my original post was that I felt miserable and guilty for not being at home with my kids.

fer, my kids benefitted also when I wnet to school and work because they started cooking dinners, making their own lunches, and washing their clothes. It made them self-sufficient, and appreciative of all that their parents did for them.

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this

poop, past 50 is hardly elderly, and as for the catfish, well I was an ichthyologist, so I take your comment as a compliment.

By Been There

March 22, 2007 12:14 PM | Link to this

Very ironic, Sam. I don’t think most of us would have paid much attention to past50mon’s degree if you hadn’t obsessed so much about it!

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 12:24 PM | Link to this

Been There, Thanks, and frankly I didn’t pay attention to how many times I wrote it until Sam pointed it out. Can we get back on topic???

By poop

March 22, 2007 12:26 PM | Link to this

There you go again tooting your own horn. So you did swim on the bottom BFD

By poop

March 22, 2007 12:31 PM | Link to this

If you are 55, you are classified as a senior citizen, which is what? elderly.

By SingleATLmom

March 22, 2007 12:36 PM | Link to this

I feel that I definitely don’t spend enough time with my daughter. I am working all this overtime and all these crazy hours which is routine in the corporate world. My daughter gets to daycare around 6:30 and doesn’t get picked up until around 6 in the evening. She falls asleep in the car on the way home while we sit in 2 hour traffic, and wakes with just enough time for me to get her fed and bathe and its off to bed. Same routine the next morning. Her teachers get more time with her during the week than her own mother. I feel very guilty but I keep saying to myself that things will change soon and I will be able to find a job that will allow me to work more hours at home. I mean most jobs these days such as what I do can be done from home with broadband and a computer. I wish more jobs would give you the option of working some hours at home and some hours in the office. I look forward to the weekends because its the only time that its just the two of us. I definitely feel like a “Guilty Mother.”

By jsmom

March 22, 2007 12:47 PM | Link to this

Mom’s Guilt. Check. But, she’s at DC playing with her friends. As a matter of fact, I left her dancing up a storm this morning. This afternoon, I will pick her up and that smile will melt away any of the stress of the day! I wish I could spend more time with her- but you know, I make sure to spend quality with her!

I love my daughter, but I also love having a roof over my head and food on the table. That counteracts Mommy Guilt usually.

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 12:49 PM | Link to this

I am not 55 yet. IMO elderly applies to my 77 year old father, not me, still in my middle years ; ) Don’t you know that 50 is the new 30?

By Summer

March 22, 2007 12:53 PM | Link to this

Yes, I can definitely relate to all the moms and dads who feel guilt when it comes to parenting. I felt the same in an alot of ways especially being a young single parent. When my child was first born, I didn’t spend alot of time like I wanted to with him and now that he is older and I have mature, I get a guilt feeling at times that he could be doing better now if I had spent more personal time with him rather than working all the time.

But no as time has went on, I realize that as a parent with our daily life duties, we are not going to be able to spend as much time as we want with our children. I feel like the important thing to focus on is that your child is spending time around others who will positively influence them. Like when I am busy working or doing something, I let my son go play with his friends or spend time with his grandmother, or some school activities and that really helps.

Parents, just do your best, that is all you can do, the rest will follow.

Oh, and Sam….get off past50mom,.. dang. And Danish, I feel you…just stay positive and remember just give your best in your time, every moment counts whether its 2 minutes or 55 minutes.

Cause I tell you, I like to know who in the hell created this working 40 hours 5 days a week schedule! I want to pull them out there casket and beat their skull (lol). Thats what is wrong with our society, we are soo stress and driven crazy which is why we come on AJC blogs and make comments about feeling so guilty as parents.

By Lisa

March 22, 2007 12:53 PM | Link to this

Past50Mom—you are great! Don’t let others detour you! Sunny-What an inspiration! I love it! Beth- I truly belive you CAN do anything AND everything you want. It takes determination. That’s all.
For over 5 years, I was a single mom with a special needs child, went to school full time (graduated with Honor’s, thank you Sam:)) AND worked 4, yes 4 jobs—ALL at the same time. I did it ALL by myself and my child and I remain very close. I did not get alot of sleep but it was better than having my head slammed in a wall by my ex. I wouldn’t change a thing. Oh yeah—just for Sam—I graduated with honors!

By Fulton County Mom

March 22, 2007 12:56 PM | Link to this

@danish, lighten up on yourself. By addressing Juniors needs you are being a good Mom. If you made him wait for dinner or kept him up just to get “face time with M & D” that would just be wrong. This phase of life will pass, and Junior will be at the table and thinking up ways to stay up past bedtime soon enough (there will be face time then too).

Love your children and do give them time. If they are just something you tote to the store and schlep home then why have them? Do things with them (yes errands but try to limit those)…we play cards, board games, video games, and just sit in the floor together.

Mine know I work. They know I have to work. They know I do whatever I can to be there for the “important stuff” that means if it is really important to them that I do Christmas party or field day they need to let me know. I will use my vacation time or lunch time to come to school for them.

We sit as a family each night for dinner. We have a “Movie Night” that is very important to them. On that night we all get in our PJs right after work/school. We decide the movie(s) and set them out. Pizza box on the table,drinks in a cup…everyone gets up and gets their subsequent slice as they feel moved to do so. When the movie(s) are done it is off to bed. Usually 2 slices and they are curled up on either side of Mom just having fun.

I get kitchen chores done over breakfast as we “chat and dine” at the breakfast bar (weekdays). On weekends we have a big breakfast at dining room table.

Does this make me a great Mom? NOPE. It does show them I love them and enjoy them. It also shows that you can have time with your children if you want it…but you have to feed to their needs. Lately my youngest is tired right from school…so I have been doing early dinner and then early bed with talking/reading with Mommy. Then my eldest gets non interrupted Mom time (games and talking)before she goes to bed 30-45 minutes later.

I do think that we spend more time with our kids now. I do think that in many cases they are endanger of running the houses I know. Be the parent, be responsible and plan.

By Deb

March 22, 2007 12:57 PM | Link to this

@ poop - judging by your name, you must still be in diapers!

55 is hardly elderly - in my book, it’s a lot of valuable experience.

By Summer

March 22, 2007 12:59 PM | Link to this

SingleATLMom…I sooooooo feel you! I was just telling my coworkers that I am tired of seeing them all the time, I see them more than I see my love ones. You know that is crazy.

I literally make it a large effort to move close to my job in order to avoid traffic so that I can spend more time with my child and not be as stress. But not everyone can do that, but it has help my family in many ways.

By poop

March 22, 2007 1:04 PM | Link to this

So basically what you are all saying is that if you aren’t a snob, don’t have a degree, haven’t been a LAWYER and a ZOOLOGIST WHO STUDIES FISHES, wears your singleness as a badge of honor because you hate/can’t get a man, worked 4 plus jobs while getting a degree, and yadda yadda yadda, you can’t say anything. oky doky got it

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 1:05 PM | Link to this

Lisa, congrats on your accomplishments, and especially for GRADUATING WITH HONORS!!

No matter what we mothers do; staying at home, going to school, or working, balancing it all with kids is a challenge, and we never feel like we’ve done it all the right way, all we can do is keep trying.

I am not at all affected by Sam’s childish nit-picking. I would never have made it through L!! School or as a professional bottom feeder if I was thin skinned. You know what the kids say, “I’m rubber and you’re glue, everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you (Sam).

By Fulton County Mom

March 22, 2007 1:07 PM | Link to this

Oh, I think Mommy guilt comes in when we think we have to be Tennis/Soccer/SAHM. Why can’t we just be Mom’s. Yes, my mom made “from scratch meals” and I get spagetti sauce from a jar and salad from a bag (actually she does this last one now too). Does it make her a better Mom? Nope, she just did things differntly than I do.

There is nothing wrong with SAHM if you can do it. There is nothing wrong with showing your children that Mom can hold down a 9-5 either (with or without Dad at home).

The guilt comes from thinking you have to be Donna Reed (heels while cleaning and a doctors wife!), Martha Stewart and Anne Mulcahy (CEO at Xerox) all at the same time or just Carol Brady to be a great Mom.

By Cammi317

March 22, 2007 1:18 PM | Link to this

I feel guilty. I feel guilty for having to work and send her to an afterschool program. I feel guilty for being too tired to do anything but check homework and fix dinner when I get home. I feel guilty because she has a father that she rarely sees and rarely returns her phone calls. I feel guilty that when I am tired or in a bad mood there is no one else around for her to interact with. I feel guilty. So what do I do? I buy her things. I feel guilty because my child is spoiled rotten.

By Lisa

March 22, 2007 1:23 PM | Link to this

Poop—Read the post …I ‘was’ a single mom -I am no longer. I found my soulmate. It took a while because I was VERY busy rearing my child & trying to make a better life for us both. My child ALWAYS ALWAYS comes first. I did feel guilty, however, I felt my short term sacrifices would benefit her in the long term. It was tough for a while, but I ‘choose’ to go to school to make a better life for my CHILD. And I did.

By Sunny

March 22, 2007 1:27 PM | Link to this

If anyone has seen The Pursuit of Happyness……I highly recommend seeing this movie. Will Smith did a wonderful job. As I sat in the theater watching/crying, I realized the old saying “Thefore the grace of God, go I.” I am sure there are a few on this blog that are one paycheck away from homeless. Especially us single parents. I do not receive any child support, monetarily or physically.
However, and I am getting to a point, when they interviewed Chris Gardner (the guy whos life was The Pursuit of Happyness is based on) and his real life son, they asked the son if he remembered any of what had happened when he was younger. He replied “No I don’t remember much of that, but what I do remember is every time I looked up, my father was right there”. WOW!!! Now, my friends, that’s what is important is to be there for your kids, and let them know that every single day. KUDOS to us Moms!!!!!!

Sam - Go to H3ll, or get back in your 5th grade class!!!! You apparently aren’t strong enough for this blog. Ba-Bye…….

By deidreNC

March 22, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

when my 14 yo daughter was 2 1/2 i went to college for a couple of computer degrees…minoring in business-the computer classes were easy enough plus mostly done at school-but the business classes took a lot of home time…my daughter would take my 3rd year accounting book and hide it withih her stack lol..bless her heart…first time she did that it took me forever to find it…made me feel soooo bad…but i did what i had to do to support my family alone with no help…she also hated me to leave in the morning…she wanted to go to the babysitters but she wanted ME to STAY HOME…i guess she hated me leaving knowing it would be after her bedtime that i got home…i guess we all feel guilt about something we think we can do better for our kids…thats pretty normal no matter what you are doing….the proof is in the pudding…my daughter is very mature and independant and i credit that to the fact that i wasnt there to cater to her every whim…like i was with her older siblings…(i have to admit tho that sometimes her independance bothers me-:( )

By poop

March 22, 2007 1:36 PM | Link to this

Poor sam is being lambasted and hasn’t posted in over an hour. One thing for sure, your degree doesn’t keep you from being a snob. Your children would be so proud. Go to hell indeed. This blog is hell.

By Sunny

March 22, 2007 1:59 PM | Link to this

Poop Why are you still here?

As Lewis Grizzard said “Delta’s ready when you are”……

By Guilty Mom

March 22, 2007 1:59 PM | Link to this

How did this go from Mommy Guilt to bashing working Moms trying to do better for their child. I work full time and every second after that is focused on my boys, husband included… even though I feel wife guilt sometimes for focusing more on my kids. My dream is to win the lotto… be with my kids ALL the time. The odds on that are not going my way so I will continue to do the best I can. All the moms out there that struggle with these feelings… Thank GOD kids are as understanding as they are these days.

By TJ26

March 22, 2007 2:00 PM | Link to this

Sam, I think youre mentally ill. Do you need a refill on your psych meds today? If so, I can point you in the right direction.

As for the Mom guilt, is it more common for single Moms than other Moms? I am asking b/c my sister is in a similar boat of trying to have it all, she is a VP at a bank, travels frequently for work, and showers her son with tons of expensive electronic games. It drives the rest of the family mad, but w/out being conscious of it, I think she is trying to overcompensate for his deadbeat Dad. Any thoughts on this?

By tc

March 22, 2007 2:08 PM | Link to this

Sam, try to get life insurance. Past50mom can get it for half what a 40 year old male can get it for. Men die younger, therefore, if your a male past 50, then yea…your past your prime, but a 50 year old female is in the beginning of her prime. Who’s old now?

By 2Parents

March 22, 2007 2:12 PM | Link to this

There sure are a lot of single moms here. They all seem to want to tell the story of how they did it alone. I can’t help but wonder what it was that caused them to be alone in the first place. Two parents make raising kids a whole lot easier.

By Sam

March 22, 2007 2:15 PM | Link to this

Clap, clap, clap!!

Yahoo for past50mom, woo-hoo! I see you managed to bloat your own horn some more. Mighty short on the self-confidence today I see. Having to pump your ego every chance you get. Yes, I am college educated - a Bachelor Degree from Penn (that’s an Ivy League School) and a Master’s Degree (in History) from Chicago. So, yes - I’m quite well educated. I worked full time for over 20 years and am now able to work part-time and enjoy life more. So - sorry to you blow-hards, but I’m doing quite well: am financially stable, have two well-adjusted children, work part-time and volunteer for two non-profits 20 hours a month, each.

I could have come on this blog blowing my own horn, but I tried to stay on topic. Others (past50mom) use this forum as a place to try and elevate their self-esteem by saying how smart or wonderful they are. Get over yourselves already.

By Poop

March 22, 2007 2:16 PM | Link to this

Hey Sunny - Bite me

By poop

March 22, 2007 2:23 PM | Link to this

This isn’t sam you overeducated, self centered bunch of ditzy barracudas.

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 2:24 PM | Link to this

Sam, I am curious, when in this blog did you post on the topic at hand?

By Stacey

March 22, 2007 2:25 PM | Link to this

My Mommy guilt isn’t as bad now that my son is older. When he was in daycare, my husband and I each had 1.5 hour commutes so it wasn’t unusual for him to be the first one dropped off and the last one picked up in his class. During the winter months, it was dark when he arrived and left. Now he’s in school, he’s more independent, and my commute is 30-45 minutes. He still has to go to the after school program but they have so many activities that he loves being there.

There are a few times when I still feel guilty. I wasn’t able to help chaperone yesterday’s field trip like he asked and he was disappointed. I was able to surprise him today by attending his award ceremony though.

By Sunny

March 22, 2007 2:31 PM | Link to this

Poop Bare it and I’ll bite it. Of course, I am sure it wouldn’t fill me up.

Why are you here, other than to upset the MOMS on this MOM Blog. Do you have anything to relate to this topic or blog? Are you a parent, or do you still live in your parent’s basement?

What is your goal in life? To stir crap up? How much does that pay?

Now go back to your Dungeons and Dragons video game.

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 2:33 PM | Link to this

Sam, another question, IF you are so well educated, financially set, with well adjusted kids, non stressed with your pt job, and patting yourself on the back with your volunteer work, yada yada yada enjoying your life, then why all the bile? The truth is that you have not accomplished any of those things and you are just a juvenile blog troll. Why don’t you and ‘poop’ plan a sandbox playdate together?

By deidreNC

March 22, 2007 2:36 PM | Link to this

hello 2 parents-how lucky you are that you have been able to raise your kids with both parents…everyone isnt that lucky…some husbands (or wives) die-some leave-some are just worthless…you should thank God that you have been so lucky…i think most people agree that it is usually better to raise kids with 2 parents…just all arent so lucky as to be able to do that….have some compassion

By poop

March 22, 2007 2:38 PM | Link to this

old lawyer, why are you attacking sam. Little out of your big lawyer mom fish person isn’t it? He got next to you and you can’t take it? Control freak aren’t you?

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 2:39 PM | Link to this

TJ26, I think ALL moms have some kind of guilt, whether they are SAHM or working moms. SAHM’s feel guilty that they are not contributing money to the household, and working moms feel guilty about missing time with their kids. We all feel guilty about not giving enough or the right kind of ‘quality time’ and on and on. We need to forgive ourselves, and relax and enjoy the time we have, without beating ourselves up over what we shoulda woulda coulda done.

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 2:51 PM | Link to this

To all of the single moms, hooray for you and your exhausting double duty as mom and dad! I don’t see how you do it all and remain sane. You deserve one of Sam’s pats on the back, too.

By Georgia

March 22, 2007 2:57 PM | Link to this

Well said Past50mom.

And yes, 50 is the new 40 (an earlier post of your’s). I’ll be there in a couple of years myself. I am having more fun in my 40’s than the years leading up to my 40’s. Life is good……

By mommyof1

March 22, 2007 2:58 PM | Link to this

I think Sam is actually crap, I mean poop.

By Keith

March 22, 2007 2:59 PM | Link to this

Guys, play nice and try to keep the Mom blog clean. I think everyone has made their point.

Back to today’s topic…We’ve heard from a lot of moms with Mom Guilt. How about dads? Dads are taking a more active role in their children’s lives (over the fathers 40 years ago). Are any of today’s dads prone to Dad Guilt now that their expectations have also been raised?

By 2Parents

March 22, 2007 3:02 PM | Link to this

Please mind you comments. I am compassionate, just not a fool. I understand, all too well, the death of a parent(s). But that is FAR from the norm.

Having two parents is less about Divine Providence and often more about good decision making. After all, who chose the “worthless” “deadbeat”? Notice I said “chose” and not “married”. Some populations in our society have a 70% rate of out-of-wedlock births. SEVENTY PERECENT!!!! Whose fault is that?

So, while I understand guilt… many need to lay off the boo-hooing about single motherhood. Unless you spouse died (which I’m confident is not 70% of them) accept the fact that you had a lot to do with the fact that you’re in the situation you are.

By 2Parents

March 22, 2007 3:04 PM | Link to this

Please mind you comments. I am compassionate, just not a fool. I understand, all too well, the death of a parent(s). But that is FAR from the norm.

Having two parents is less about Divine Providence and often more about good decision making. After all, who chose the “worthless” “deadbeat”? Notice I said “chose” and not “married”. Some populations in our society have a 70% rate of out-of-wedlock births. SEVENTY PERECENT!!!! Whose fault is that?

So, while I understand guilt… many need to lay off the boo-hooing about single motherhood. Unless you spouse died (which I’m confident is not 70% of them) accept the fact that you had a lot to do with the fact that you’re in the situation you are.

By Sam_is_an_idiot

March 22, 2007 3:05 PM | Link to this

This is the problem with the internet. It gives morons too much visibility.

By Sam_is_an_idiot

March 22, 2007 3:10 PM | Link to this

This is the problem with the internet. It gives morons too much visibility.

By Georgia

March 22, 2007 3:10 PM | Link to this

Oh, come on Keith, when was the last time you EVER heard a man complaining about trying to balance family and a career??????

By 2Parents

March 22, 2007 3:10 PM | Link to this

Please mind you comments. I am compassionate, just not a fool. I understand, all too well, the death of a parent(s). But that is FAR from the norm.

Having two parents is less about Divine Providence and often more about good decision making. After all, who chose the “worthless” “deadbeat”? Notice I said “chose” and not “married”. Some populations in our society have a 70% rate of out-of-wedlock births. SEVENTY PERECENT!!!! Whose fault is that?

So, while I understand guilt… many need to lay off the boo-hooing about single motherhood. Unless you spouse died (which I’m confident is not 70% of them) accept the fact that you had a lot to do with the fact that you’re in the situation you are.

By julie

March 22, 2007 3:14 PM | Link to this

Of course.

By BJ

March 22, 2007 3:26 PM | Link to this

Thank you Keith!

By BJ

March 22, 2007 3:28 PM | Link to this

I don’t post often — this is actually about my 3rd or 4th time — ever. The best way to “stay on topic” and keep the blogs in line with what they are here for is to just ignore the Sams and Poops of the world. They only post to get things like this going. So just ignore them folks and they will go away :).

Take care… and GO MOMS of all socioeconomic backgrounds and walks of life — SAHM, WM, SM, MM — ALL moms who love their children. Because that’s what counts. If you love them, they will thrive!

By Sunny

March 22, 2007 3:43 PM | Link to this

2Parents - ok, just to clarify. I did not go into a marriage thinking/knowing I was marrying a deadbeat. I did not get pregnant (after two years of marriage) thinking/knowing my husband was not going to be around after the child was born.
I did not go into my marriage, knowing my husband was going to continue to date after the wedding. I dated my husband for two years before I married him. He didn’t show his true colors when I married him.
I get so sick and tired of people blasting me for being a single parent, saying I married a deadbeat. If I had known he was a deadbeat I would not have wasted two years of my life dating him, then making a committment to marriage. I CHOSE to leave the marriage, due to the fact that he was never home, but was out chasing anything female. It was better for me and my child than to stay. Had I known he was a deadbeat, do you really think I would have married him, let alone dated him?
I made a choice, and I took responsibility for it.
Sometimes you don’t know the person you are married to until you go through a divorce.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be a single parent. I was 28 when I got married, 31 when my child was born. I thought I was going into a marriage for the rest of my life. Yes, it’s harder on us single parents. WE don’t have the choice to stay home with our kids. We HAVE to work. But I happily do it FOR my child. I love her with all my heart. I would die for that kid. So, no I didn’t know he was a deadbeat. I didn’t CHOOSE a deadbeat. I guess love is blind huh? That said, I would give my right arm to have a good man in my life, that wanted me and my child in his. Unfortunately I haven’t met this man yet, but I sure hope he is out there somewhere, because I deserve a good man. I have worked very hard to raise my child by myself. I am very proud of myself. I have been at my current job for 15 years, have owned two homes, and my vehicle is paid in full. I have no credit card debt, or any debt other than my mortage. SO yea, I can pat myself on the back and gloat a little bit…….

By concerned

March 22, 2007 3:48 PM | Link to this

Since past50 mom got hammered by insults I feel compelled to add some tidbits. Women naturally feel guilty when they are doing something for themselves and not for the family (getting any type of new degree is definately for the family but indirectly). As past50mom was saying going back to school, yes lawschool, is a personal decision which means she was not going to have any time for the children at home. I have been there. In fact I enrolled when my youngest son was 4 months old. I worked fulltime went to lawschool part-time and the next thing I knew he was 5 years old. Now I know my children are better for it, but I feel bad for the time I was not there. Yet to this day, he is the one that hugs all over me and proudly tells everyone he is a “Momma’s Boy.”

Guilt also runs for the SAHM’s. They feel that they are not using their minds enough. As one told me the other day, it does not take much mental thought to fold the laundry or sweep the floor.

Being a mom is just down right hard, and no matter how much we try to be the best mothers, we always feel like we never did enough. Have you ever notice the only ones that feel that they were 100% on point with no guilt are those who do not care about their children?

By JEEWHIZ

March 22, 2007 3:56 PM | Link to this

U GUYS R ENTIRELY TOO CAUGHT UP AND OFF THE TOPIC…..Gee whiz

By HeyY Poop

March 22, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

I BIT U…Now get over it and move on….Icky

By deidreNC

March 22, 2007 4:07 PM | Link to this

pride goes before the fall…remember that some of you (mainly 2parents)

By beth

March 22, 2007 4:09 PM | Link to this

Concerned, you have just written the best post of the day.

Neither road is easy. Moms will never feel that they have done enough.

It’s so easy to sit back with the anonymity of the internet and just type away and judge judge judge other people.

Sunny’s latest post has certainly given me reason to pause and think.

By Becca

March 22, 2007 4:20 PM | Link to this

I suffer severe mom guilt. I have a mature and wonderful fourteen year old and a second on the way. But I work 48 hours a week, six days and I feel I miss out on alot. I see my child for 30 minutes in the morning and maybe for 30 minutes at night and my only day off is Sunday. I am usually exhausted and feel like the time I do get with my child is not QUALITY time. I wish I could find a way to afford to stay home or at least work part time, but I was a single mom for 12 years and there just isn’t work designed for parents which is really sad. Yes, you can do it but you sacrifice something.

By hll1955

March 22, 2007 4:20 PM | Link to this

I don’t think my Mom guilt is about not spending enough time with my kids. They were at daycare when they were small and in after school care until they were old enough to be home alone for a few hours til I got home after work, but then we had dinner together did homework together, shopped together. We also got season passes to White Water so we played together too when I had time off.

My guilt is that because they were in daycare and afterschool programs, they missed out on girl scouts, afterschool sports, getting together with friends after school…things like that. Kids with SAHM get to do things after school because they have rides to and from the activities. Also SAHM get to go to the school programs, they get to see all the plays, the field days, the choral performances. My hubby worked out of state for 23 years, so he wasn’t home to help out. (talk about daddy guilt…he missed everything. Now that the girls are grown he regrets missing their childhoods more than anything. He says if he could do it all again, he wouldn’t travel..its not worth what he missed!)

It seems that there will be guilt no matter what. If you give all your spare time to your children, there is the guilt that you are ignoring your spouse/marriage/friends. It is a hard line to balance on.

By lovely

March 22, 2007 4:22 PM | Link to this

It’s amazing how such well educated people can pick at each other like a bunch of 5th grade girls. I hope none of you are teaching your children this behavior. Life is too short to get caught up with such trivial issues as what someone, who you will probably never meet, thinks about you.

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 4:28 PM | Link to this

Concerned, Hooray for you, too! I went to Ga. State part-time, too, working part-time and finished in four years (‘96), because I was soooo ready to be done. Where did you go?

By past50mom

March 22, 2007 4:48 PM | Link to this

lovely, we are a kind of family here, and even if we never meet, we still have feelings. We share our experiences, and when someone attacks us, out friends are there to stand up for us, IMO much better than fifth grade girls. Love y’all! Have a good evening!

By fk

March 22, 2007 5:49 PM | Link to this

Okay, no guilt, just irony. When my son was in his early years of elementary school, k-2, he would beg me to get a job so that he could go to daycare after school with his friends. Go figure.

By Will

March 23, 2007 6:35 AM | Link to this

overblown50mom, my god, how do you doit? you are a lawyer and you have 3 kids in college and yet you are forced to live OTP? Oh dear god, please give this woman strength and let her continue to be a source of strength for the rest of us as she is forced to survive an existense beneath her. OTP? my god im sorry, if I had known that I wouldnt have gotten so much pleasure in seeing you taken to task for your pretensious, self promoting, hourly posts. I mean I live OTP, but then again I didnt go to law school and I dont have 3 kids in college yet so I geuss I’m expected to live “out here”. Maybe we’ll run into each other some day at the pawn shop or maybe the tattoo parlor, or I know, the bail bondsman down the street….

By Destiny712

March 23, 2007 8:39 AM | Link to this

I used to have mommy guilt because I was never able to be a SAHM. But then I realized that by working in order to make sure my family had what we needed to live is all part of being a good parent. I am a single mother of four and no I don’t get to spend as much time with my kids as I would like as a whole but there is time spent with each of them. I am the PTA President of one school, on a PTA committee of another school, on our neighborhood’s advisory board and speak at teen talks hosted by churches, including the one I attend, and my kids benefit from it all. To be a good parent is not just being able to stay at home but doing the things that would be the most beneficial to your children, in every aspect.

By 2Parents

March 23, 2007 8:40 AM | Link to this

Sunny, So you raise your daughter. That’s admirable. But why do you “get to gloat?” For doing what you’re supposed to do? You’re supposed to raise your child. You’re supposed to keep a job. You’re supposed to stay out of debt. Why do you need a cookie for doing what you are supposed to do? I believe your guilt comes more from your failed marriage.

It’s the same ol’ story; Girl turns twenty five… bothered that all her girlfriends are married… thinks a man will fill the void in her life… biological clock is ticking… takes the man who comes along… Mr. Right was really Mr. Right Now… Marriage disintegrates… woman is angry and bitter.

As long as you stay bitter and exude a “look at me, hear me roar” mentality (which is clearly evident in your posts), every good man will avoid you like the plague. They call it “damaged goods.” None of them want the emotional baggage.

By Play that funky music whiteboy

March 23, 2007 9:18 AM | Link to this

It’s all about choices and circumstances. To those of you who went back to school (law school or other) while you had kids I salute you. My wife and I had our first when I was three months from completing grad school (at Notre Dame, like that Sam?) and I have no idea how I could have done it with children. I have worked from home (as many professionals do now) for the past year and a half - watching both my sons (two of them now) grow. I wouldn’t trade the time I’ve had with them for anything, but I had to get out and get on with a true career.

I start a new job week after next where I will be commuting to an office every single day. I know I will miss the time with my boys, but their mom (a stay at home mom) is there with them. I grew up as a daycare/latchkey kid, taught me a lot about independence and self reliance, but I vowed when I got married that I would do everything possible, forgo the new car, whatever, to setup the family so my wife could stay home with the kids “IF SHE CHOSE TO”.

Also, I know it’s hard to put the kids to bed on time. For the first six to eight months of my eldest son’s life I was working in an office in Atlanta and I rarely made it home in time during the week to see him before he made it to bed. But, just like everything else there is a choice. I felt it was better and more healthy for him to get his rest and I would see him at the 2am feeding anyway!

When you are doing the best you can, no need to feel guilty.

By anne

March 23, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this

I never thought I’d agree with Past50Mom on anything but - good for you for going to law school! Nothing worse than these anorexic over-jeweled layabouts in my neighborhood, running from yoga class to coffee shop to shopping mall whilst their children are in school all day, all for the “huge sacrifice” of “being a stay at home mom.”

By GatorDad

March 23, 2007 9:38 AM | Link to this

I think that as a Dad I have it a bit easier. I’m “supposed” to be at work all day. I pick my son up at day care and we get an hour or so of guy time before Mommy gets home. I actually spend more time with my son than I did with my dad (during the week).

I have a lot of respect for what you single parents go through. I could not handle it.

By GatorDad

March 23, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this

Actually, I think Daddy guilt might be a bit different. My wife works full time. I know that she would like to work part time. We just can’t give up the income. The guilt I feel is that I don’t make enough money to allow her to do that.

By past50mom

March 23, 2007 9:48 AM | Link to this

Ha! Thanks, anne, and I would like to add that as anonymous strangers here we should all be careful about making assumptions about others from their postings. When I was a SAHM I was not a yoga tennis mom. I was mostly a volunteeraholic, running from PTA work, to meals on wheels, to Scout meetings, to Sunday School, to tutor adult illiterates.

Sam, in case you are here today, I do not need a pat on the back and I am not bragging, just showing that all of us moms do a lot of different things over our lives, and not that many are living on easy street.

By DYJ

March 23, 2007 10:01 AM | Link to this

My husband is a SAHD so I don’t feel guilt but feel slightly jealous.

By Sunny

March 23, 2007 10:36 AM | Link to this

2parents Heck yea I get to gloat and I will continue to gloat. There’s no bitterness in my gloating. I am no