Home > Health > MOMania > Archives > 2007 > March > 17
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Which comes first: Easier infant or less stressed parents?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Bringing home our new baby on an uneventful and peaceful drive from the hospital, my wife turned to me and said, “Is this easier than bringing home our first, or do I just remember that as stressful?”
Unless we share the same false memories, this is easier.
After our first baby was born, panic and exasperation were our normal states of mind. Every wail led to a series of trial-and-error attempts to determine what was wrong. We started changing the diaper, then went to rocking and bouncing, before advancing to feeding. Something as simple as buttoning up the baby’s outfit became as nerve-wracking as defusing a bomb.
She seemed to pick the worst times to have problems. She would be fine right before we left on a trip, but would immediately start crying as soon as we were too far away to turn around. Her diaper would leak onto her outfit and sheets right after we finished washing a load of laundry. She would sleep during the day, and she would stay awake all night, bawling for no apparent reason.
If she was up, I would to stay up. I would watch TV while trying to calm her. My daughter saw more West Coast NBA playoff games than any infant should, and I’m pretty sure she spent more time with Conan O’Brien than any other male except me.
We tried everything to satisfy her. We bought every device that swings, bounces or carries an infant. We held her in every position when she cried and we tried every possible feeding/sleeping schedule — including not having a schedule.
Once, we thought we had found the answer to soothing her — she loved to bounce. I stayed up from 1 to 3 a.m. doing squats with the baby in my arms. If I stopped for 10 seconds, she would start screaming. In a week, I developed huge calves and buns of steel.
But was our first baby really more difficult, or was it our fault? Did the baby feed off our stress, while the new baby is relaxed because we’re more relaxed?
It’s not that our tactics have changed drastically. We still use the same equipment and systems. Sure, we know what kind of diapers and wipes we prefer, and my wife has a better handle on breastfeeding. But other than that, we’re doing many of the same things we did after our first baby was born.
We simply don’t worry as much. Sometimes, babies cry. Sometimes it’s for a reason; sometimes it’s just to exercise their lungs. We don’t panic now at the first sob, and we don’t beat ourselves up if we can’t soothe her immediately. I’m pretty sure the baby senses our comfort level and reacts to it. We don’t freak out, so she doesn’t freak out.
This baby definitely seems like the most laid back of our three.
The second baby was a little easier than the first, but things didn’t go as smoothly as possible — mainly because No. 1 was still a toddler. It was a difficult time to bring another baby into the house while our oldest was still potty training and learning to sleep in a bed instead of a crib.
But now, our first two are old enough to take care of their most basic functions. They can shower, put on their own pajamas and brush their teeth with minimal prodding. My daughter can almost get herself ready for school, although her fashion choices are sometimes vetoed. Both of them can be trusted to play on their own with out destroying property, although we need to move all foods out of my son’s reach. (He recently had a few seconds alone with a cake and somehow slurped up every inch of frosting without eating any actual cake).
Each day, they gain more independence, allowing us to concentrate on the baby. Our oldest has become quite a good little helper, calming her sister when we need assistance.
However, it’s not as if we’re completely stress-free. We spend hours worrying about exposing her to any sickness, and we are constantly trying to make sure none of the other kids’ tiny toys are within her reach. And, much like our first, we’re still terrified to cut her nails. Those tiny little fingers seem so fragile.
Maybe we’ll have the courage to trim them in a week or two. I just hope the baby doesn’t sense our stress about it.
Editor note: Theresa Walsh Giarrusso gave birth to Lilina Catherine on March 7. Her husband, Michael, will be writing the Sunday column for a few weeks. Her friend Keith Still, mother of three, is handling the MOMania blog at ajc.com. ajcmomania@gmail.com
