MOMania

By TheOne

January 12, 2007 08:10 AM | Link to this

A Southern attitude? Oh, come on now, that’s insane. Plain and simple, it’s ego more than anything else, ok and maybe a little old-school. And for those men that it doesn’t bother, maturity has truly been reached. :-)

By danish

January 12, 2007 08:28 AM | Link to this

I make almost double what my husband makes and I think it is a two-sided coin for him. I think he feels just a little emasculated by the fact, but he is also proud that I am successful in my career.

And I run the finances in the house which is fine by him. He defers to me in all thing money-wise in our house.

By fk

January 12, 2007 08:40 AM | Link to this

It’s definitely an ego thing and nothing to do with being from the south. My husband and I are from NY. When we started out, he was making more money than me, but not a whole heck of a lot more, maybe $15,000 a year. I had a much higher ( thru bonuses) earning potential though. Back then, without a doubt, he would have had issues with my paycheck being larger. I became pregnant just as my career began to take off, and I knew that I wanted to be a sahm mom. Plus, although I liked my job, I could not see myself working those crazy hours with a family. It just was not that important to me. So, when a transfer to Atl came up with his job, we jumped at the opportunity.

Fast forward to now. We’ve been married twenty years. We have a nice life. My husband would like to kick back a little. He would absolutely love it if I became the breadwinner. Wow, talk about an about face! And, once our son is thru college, I’ve no problem doing that. Right now, we need his earning power. It’s been a little over a year since I’ve reentered the paid workforce. Things have changed and I’ve got some catching up to do. I’ve been working two part-time jobs and have been enjoying it (a jill of all trades, but master of none). I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

By NoNonsense

January 12, 2007 09:09 AM | Link to this

This is something I am very familiar with because I have always made more than my husband but that’s because my earning potential is higher due to my career and his job. The only time his salary has been more than my earnings or even got close is when I worked less than half a year, which is what I have done for the past two years. For the 12 years we have been married he never voiced any disdain about this because I let him know that I appreciate all of his hard work and I will never throw it up in face about we makes more. But I have noticed sort of a joie de vivre in him since he is pretty much the sole breadwinner now. He was raised with the knowledge of if a man doesn’t take care of his family he is wears the name MAN unworthily. For the first 10 years making money was my ultimate goal and that’s what I did. I love money therefore I wanted to have as much and possible. It’s not that I don’t like having money but when I decided that I wanted to be a part-time stay at home mom and work part-time I learned to cut corners and save even more.

By TrophyWife

January 12, 2007 09:19 AM | Link to this

My wife almost doubles my income and it certainly in does not make me feel any less masculine! In fact, I can’t wait for her next promotion/raise/bonus etc. Any man that truly regrets the fact that his wife makes more money is an overly conservative male chauvinist rather than a person truly respecting human freedom. I chose a state job to help people rather than a job for wealth. But I am sure glad my wife chose an alternative occupation! :o)

By em

January 12, 2007 09:23 AM | Link to this

My wife has always made more than I have and it hasn’t bothered me one bit in the twenty-three years of our marriage. I put her through medical school then she put me through graduate school. We never approach things as “his” or “hers” but as “ours.”

By Mike K.

January 12, 2007 09:32 AM | Link to this

My wife makes more than me right now and it doesn’t bother me a bit. em hit it on the head: it’s not “his” or “hers” but “ours.”

By Eric

January 12, 2007 09:33 AM | Link to this

My wife makes considerably more than I do and it doesn’t bother me ONE bit. It increases the quality of life for both of us. We live off her income and mine goes nearly 100% to investments and saving.

If a man is bothered by his wife making more than he does, he must not have been very secure in his manhood to start with.

I love my breadwinning wife!

By krh

January 12, 2007 09:34 AM | Link to this

Growing up my mom was the breadwinner in our family. My dad changed jobs a good deal and once tried to go into business for himself. My mom stayed at the same company for 20+ years and did quite a bit of traveling. I don’t feel like my sister and I suffered as a part of it, in fact I feel that it made us stronger, knowing that we didn’t have to rely on a man to take care of us. But, when I became an adult I taked to my mom about how she felt about it and she told me that she would have like to have the option. If she didn’t work and make the money, our bills wouldn’t have been paid so it was never an option for her to stay at home with us. While both my husband and I work full time, he does at this time make more money than me. We don’t have any children yet; but, I would like to have that option that my mom did not have.

By Money

January 12, 2007 09:35 AM | Link to this

My wife has been making more money than I make for several years. In fact, when our child was born, she went back to work while I provided for the child. I am now back in the work force and still make less than my wife. My only issue with her being the bread winner is that it puts added stress on her because we depend on her income. High paying, working moms ROCK!!!

By Father and Teacher

January 12, 2007 09:37 AM | Link to this

I thought I would chip in my 2 cents on this. I would love to be a stay at home dad and do all of the things that stay at home moms do. My wife and I are both teachers though so we need both of us to work. I think it simply comes down to more of an individual thing than a southern thing. I also have to agree with the poster who said ego plays into it a lot as well. If the money all goes into one pot, who cares who puts the most in….as long as it all makes it in?

By Greedy

January 12, 2007 09:42 AM | Link to this

It is insane to think that a women cant make more than a man. I welcome the day my wife starts makeing more than me. Its a team effort. People are realy insane if they think the man should be sole bread winner.

By Kat

January 12, 2007 09:45 AM | Link to this

I make considerably more than my husband, and carry our health insurance, life insurance, etc. as well. We never really planned to do it this way, but about ten years ago he had some serious health problems that didn’t allow him to work full time. He was, however, well enough to look after the kids, do a little laundry, etc. So for a while he was a stay-at-home dad. During that time I took advantage of that and also went back to school and got my master’s degree. By the time he was well enough to work full time again, my earning power was far ahead of his, so it didn’t make sense for us to go back to the old way of doing things. I have advanced in my career, and he has started his own small business that allows him the flexibility to still be available for the kids when he needs to. We have always shared the attitude that whatever is best for our family is what we will do, regardless of whose name is on the paycheck.

By Jack

January 12, 2007 09:58 AM | Link to this

well my wife does not work because she is a stay at home mother to our children, which she does a awesome job of. I am the luckiest man in the world to have a wife like I have.

However, when our kids get school age I am hoping she will be able to return to the work force, due to daycare costs she hasnt been able to work. But when she does or can go back to work I would LOVE for her to make more money than I do.. whoooooooo it will be time to buy a 300,000 dollar house, a decked out mini-van and a bad as* sports car and a bad as* truck. The more money WE make, the better OUR lives will get..

Men listen up, The more money you can make as a household income the better you will live. You can afford a nice house, nice vehicles, private schools for the kids, ect..ect..ect.. Dont be stupid or egotestical let her work and pray for her to make more money than you do!!!

By bellamomma

January 12, 2007 10:32 AM | Link to this

My husband makes about 4 times what I make. granted I work part time. If the roles where to reverse he would freak. We feel it is his job as a man to support our family. The money I make goes towards luxeries and shopping.

It is hardly a southern thing and really more an old school thing. In the town we live in I doubt very many wives are the bread winners though I am sure some are. Most people here have the same old fashion values that my family does. This is the way we chose to live.

On the flip side, my mother made around $40,000 a year more than my daddy did for about 6 years. the are a little more liberal and modern so I don’t think it ever bothered him.

By past50mom

January 12, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

fk, My experience is similar to yours. My husband would be estatic to retire now if I brought in the additional income. Our 3 kids will all be finished with college by Dec. ‘07, and that will be a big income boost for us as we cut them loose to fund their own car maintenance and insurance, healthcare and living expenses.

By AJW

January 12, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

I am a full time stay at home dad and I have had a unusual struggle with this issue. I don’t have ego issues with my wife making more than me. We both love this lifestyle. She has dinner ready when she gets home. Our vacation time is very flexible. Our kids have a healthy relationship with their father and vice versa. We aren’t making a ton of money, but we do alright. The biggest problem I have had with it is that I would just like to work more just so I feel like I accomplished something during the day. Sometimes I have feelings of worthlessness since I hardly make any money. Although this is an important issue, there are always some sort of sacrifices to be made with any lifestyle. It is really about what you value the most.

By scubber

January 12, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this

My wife is in the middle of her doctoral program in School Psychology. It is unfortuante for her husband that it is not the type of doctor that could afford her husband to dye his hair blond, buy a red convertible porsche, get a vanity tag that reads, ‘TROPHY’, and gain me access as the first male member to the Junior League of Atlanta.

But I am proud of her nonetheless.

Her pay will be fantastic, with mine combined. We will be very fortunate as many of my friend’s and wives do not make much money at all, given that many are in arts careers. We have equal appreciation for each other and know that we are both comitted to the support of each other.

My parents are the stereotype of the relationship you mentioned, where the woman makes more money than the man. He is retired now, but for years she hid her income by filing separately to avoid him discomfort. He eventually found out, but she still does not fully disclose the depth of her investments. I believe my mother enjoys the disposable income that she has without the intrusion of my more financially conservative father’s disapproval.

By scubber

January 12, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this

Theresa, Did your friend appreciate the input from the bloggers yesterday regarding her ‘neighbor issue’?

By Becca

January 12, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this

I make much more than my husband and it is a constant issue. He feels he should be “the provider” I don’t know if this is ego or southern or just irrational male behaviour. We all know that most families are dual income out of neccesssity and I just happen to make more. Honestly I’d prefer to spend more time being a mom but it’s just finnancially impossible. I get absolutely NOTHING out of the idea that I make more money. It’s all “our” money anyway so what is the deal?

By past50mom

January 12, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this

AJW, you face the same issues that stay at home moms do. Try volunteering in your community or at your kids’ schools and connecting with other stay at home parents. It will give you that personal sense of accomplishment you seek. Regarding this whole income question, IMO happiness in life is not about money, and if you think it is, then you will never be happy, because there will never be enough! Live simply, enjoy your family and SAVE money for the kids’ college and your retirement. We have always paid cash for good used vehicles and never had car loans. We built a house that is less than 2000 sq ft. and furnished it with family stuff and a few new things over the years. We got a 15 yr mortgage that was paid off when the first child went to college, so we had that money available for her expenses. As a result of living more simply our car expenses and insurance, house costs and insurance premiums, and property taxes are probably half of what most of you pay. As we approach retirement in less than five years we have NO DEBT, and we have investments and savings that we can enjoy.

By OldSchool

January 12, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

Throughout our 35 years of marriage, I’ve always earned more than my husband. We both teach but I am in a critical area AND teach extended day. I’ve also freelanced (residential design) and that would add to my earnings if I accepted payment. Instead, I ask for donations to our SkillsUSA club.

Money has never been an issue as we communicate about everything very well and always have. Our daughters are the most important thing in our lives and nothing will every eclipse them…well, maybe the grandkids!

By Meg

January 12, 2007 11:52 AM | Link to this

Past50mom and AJW are right, being a stay at home Mom sometimes gives you the deceptive feeling that you are worthless and haven’t accomplished anything, because our society doesn’t value parenthood the way some other societies do (Europe has paternity leave for new fathers and 3 months vacation time per year) we’re too busy making sure every single person on the planet has nothing to be offended by, instead of realizing that children and families are what build the future. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. I just wish our country was more family oriented with family values. We are accomplishing the most important thing, we’re raising children who actually get to interact with their parents and assimilate their values.

By wren

January 12, 2007 12:27 PM | Link to this

Meg - europe has 3 months vacation time? I think not. Europe is not a country. Employers in many countries in Europe provide 6 weeks’ vacation.

By Teacher's Kid

January 12, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this

As an active duty Lieutenant Commander, I am currently earning more than my husband. However, when I retire from the service in a little over 10 years and start my own consulting business, he may be earning more than I will at that time, so it evens out. Either way, it is not an issue for either of us because we view our money as neither his nor mine but rather ours. Looks like the majority on this blog are of a similar mindset. Next topic, please!

By Noelle

January 12, 2007 12:49 PM | Link to this

Men who have a problem with their wives making more need to be smacked upside the head. (There’s a good Southern saying for y’all!) Marriage isn’t a his-vs.-hers proposition. A man who can’t handle having his wife earn more than him should think about why his self-image is so low that he “needs” to make more than her.

By Jen

January 12, 2007 12:54 PM | Link to this

I’ve made more money than my husband in all the 10 years we’ve been married. Mostly because he was earning a doctorate degree and not earning any income. Now, he’s a post-doctoral fellow so he’s earning an income but it’s about 15K lower than mine. Once he’s done with that and gets an academic job he’ll probably make a similar salary as mine. However, his earning potential is not as great as mine at the end of his career compared to the end of mine. This is because I work in a field that requires a very specific technical graduate degree.

Now, he doesn’t mind at all. In fact, he loves what our combined income will be in a couple of years (about 130K).

However, when he talks about expenses and starts poor-mouthing he talks about how…”We can’t afford this and that. We can’t afford to be generous. On my salary?”

and I say, “Uh, when did you forget about my salary? Which is, uh, 60% of our income right now?”

He’s got selective financial memory…

By KP

January 12, 2007 01:12 PM | Link to this

My wife makes 60% more than I do, before bonus, and I’m considered a highly compensated employee. I have absolutely no problem with it at all. I’ve always considered it “our money” like you mentioned in the article.

By Meg

January 12, 2007 01:31 PM | Link to this

Europe is a union now they have a common monetary unit and they have a standard 3 months vacation time for employees and paternity leave for new fatehrs. I know from friends who lived there that England shuts down for most of December, my husband can’t get anyone in the Phillipines half the time because they issue a state holiday on a whim. Countries in the European Union and even in the Phillipines have more time off than Americans, by far, there has been extensive coverage of the inequities, just google some news stories. If anyone else wants to to correct me try not to do it with made up facts.

By Kat

January 12, 2007 01:57 PM | Link to this

AJW— My husband had some low times like you described. Not all the time, but once in a while. It’s normal for anyone who stays at home. Keep your eyes on the prize. The important thing is that you are contributing to a stable home for your children, and they are not being raised by strangers. Your contribution may not be financial, but it involves time, attention, and emotional nurturing. Riches like that are beyond price.

By Rich

January 12, 2007 02:04 PM | Link to this

I would be delighted if my wife earned more than I do. Anyone ever tried to buy a new car with “ego” instead of money?

By scubber

January 12, 2007 02:12 PM | Link to this

I would love to be a stay-at-home father for my children one day. I could easily freelance graphic design work, but I fear that I lack the discipline to do work without having forcefully fed to me by caffeine-crazed creative directors.

sigh.

I do 99.9% of all cooking and 33.3% of all cleaning. It is an arrangement that works well for both of us, otherwise she would starve and all of my sneakers would permanently reside on the kitchen counter. I also do 99.9% of gardening, flower planting, landscaping and lawn maintenance. If I could train myself to balance finding freelance work while getting steady pay from completing design work, paired with raising my game 66.6% in the home cleaning department, I then to would love the opportunity to stay home to raise my children.

AJW, I applaud you for committment and envy your fortunate lifestyle.

By Richard

January 12, 2007 02:24 PM | Link to this

Meg - we’re not disputing that those in Europe may get more time off than we do - but not 3 months. Talk about us making up facts (your 1:31 post)? Um, that’d be you making up facts.

Also - it’s companies that have the vacation standard - there aren’t laws requiring a company to give 3 months vacation.

By the way, I think we all know that most of Europe (not all: England is not included) has a common currency (euros): however, the countries are not run under a single government: they share currency, but nothing else.

Again, before you accuse others of making up facts, you should stop yourself!

By Pam

January 12, 2007 02:35 PM | Link to this

I don’t think there is anything wrong with mom making more than dad, but I do think there is a fine line between making less and being just lazy. The husband of one of my coworkers has probably worked 5-10 jobs over the last ten years I have know here. Everytime I ask, her husband has a new job. Not good jobs, but one bad low-paying job after another. I think he is getting fired from these jobs. Several times he has started school, but didn’t finish.

Her husband also go through times when he’s not working at all. With three kids in the house. Now, there are jobs at Burger King, etc. that he could have taken, but he chose to stay at home and let them pull from their savings to get by instead of him working.

Now, I wasn’t raised to believe that men are suppose to make more, but I was raised to believe that men are suppose to be hardworkers. A man can bring a woman down and that’s where I draw the line.

By Christy

January 12, 2007 04:18 PM | Link to this

The whole premise of one making more money and it bothering the other is probably one of the roots of the downfall of marriage in today’s society. As many have said before, it’s not “me and you” anymore, it’s “our.” I used to make more than my husband who certainly didn’t care. It was a non-issue. I had twins last year and putting two infants in daycare would have just not been financially responsible so I found a job working from home and watching the boys. For those of you who feel like you aren’t “making any money” staying home, I like to consider what I would bew paying out in daycare (just over $300.00 a week) as part of what I “make” since we would certainly have to have it if I did work. That alone would give me a salary of about $19,500.00 if you add on 25% for the income tax. In addition, I should receive the full salary of a business manager, nurse, maid, cook, accountant PLUS what I make working full time from home in between managing the babies AND working on my master’s degree online. I don’t feel worthless at all and am certainly not bored! The joy of having lunch with my 1-year-olds is reward enough for me.

By G

January 12, 2007 04:18 PM | Link to this

My wife and I are both teachers. She went for a higher degree than I did, so she made more than I even though I had a couple of more years of experience (and past the 20th year, there are no more experience step raises anyway). Now that I’ve retired, she makes quite a bit more than I do. When she retires, I’ll still have a smaller pension than she will. It’s no problem for us.

By Atico

January 12, 2007 05:16 PM | Link to this

Mommy should be at home with the children, living on the salary of her husband. When this happens, and greed will never let it happen, your question if mute.

By Working hard for the $$$

January 12, 2007 05:29 PM | Link to this

I am a working mom who makes more than my husband. Strangely enough, it is me, not my husband, that has a problem with it. I don’t mind the financial side as much as the committment level. At my job, I am in executive management, and my husband is in middle management. He has more flexibility because my job is extremely demanding. I cannot be the kind of wife and mother that I feel I should be to my family. My husband is a wonderful father and very supportive. We share equal responsibility for maintaining our household.
My husband is acually looking for a new job making more money, and I will be more than happy to step down to a less demanding, lower paying when he does. I guess I am the one with the “old school” attitude. I do not mind working, but I feel that right now, I need to focus less on my career and more on my family while our children are still young. I believe that I can have it all (family and career), but just not at the same time.

By ChrissyinATL

January 12, 2007 05:57 PM | Link to this

Being a 28 year old single never-been-married girl, I find this whole thing crazy! With the fact that over 50% of marriages end in divorce, this earnings potential thing absolutely shouldn’t matter. My WORST FEAR is that I’m going to give up my (pretty good) job to be a stay at home mom, my husband will cheat, I’ll be behind in the workforce and starting over.

Isn’t it kind of **xy for a woman to have earning potential, a love for her job, etc?

I hope I’m never in a position where my husband is paranoid because I’m making more than he is. This is 2007, not 1957!!!!

By Peter

January 12, 2007 05:59 PM | Link to this

I am not married currently, and my girlfriend doesn’t come close to what I make, but I have been fortunate, and very blessed as I have been making fantastic money in the last few years……my business has really been fantastic…..

BUT in the past I had a few girlfriends that made substantially more than I did, probably twice what I made and it was GREAT!!!!

I got taken on business trips, great vacations that I might have paid out of my pocket about a third of the cost, taken out to dinner, great gifts at Christmas, WOW, I really enjoyed it…..I would be estatic if my girlfriend hit the lottery, or made as much or more than I did…….wow we could be set for life in a short period of time!

I think realistically it is about how a guy feels inside….. if he knows he is loved, and if he understands that a woman is a person with goals and someone that wants to be a success, then he should be able to handle the facts.

In a good relationship ALL is shared, having more money doesn’t make things perfect, but stress can kill, and money or lack of it can be very stressful.

A guy not being able to handle the fact his woman is making more than him is silly, I think it is an ego thing which is more than silly……go see a shrink!

By Meg

January 13, 2007 01:07 AM | Link to this

How do some people even manage to type an entry? The European Union is most certainly a UNION, with 25 member states who are held to commmon standards and laws, all must use the Euro as their monetary unit but they may have different engravings per member state. For example, Britain had to release the ten year olds who murdered the toddler a few years ago because holding them didn’t conform to EU laws, by which they must abide. Plastic additives used here in the US are outlawed in all member states of the EU because they cause cancer. Member states (or countries, as they used to be called) designate 4 weeks as the minimum paid vacation BY LAW in all member countries, so if you include paid holidays and factoring in the average offered as incentives over and above the law’s requirement, and also poosibly factoring in unpaid vacation time, none of the articles specified, the AVERAGE European gets 3 MONTHS off from work each year. Most countries have even higher paid vacation standards, Sweden for one has 44 days of paid vacation by LAW, (which is OK as long as they conform to the EU minimum requirement of 4 weeks)if you factor in paid holidays and other incentives then the average is 3 months across the EU. Do you know how much the US offers BY LAW? None. It’s entirely up to employers and they are darn stingy with it. It makes me sick, too, but Europeans have it much better than us, and their productivity is comparable to ours even with the difference in time spent working, because they are well rested. Plus paid paternity leave, and I read once how much paid maternity leave they have and I was so jealous but I can’t remember the article or exact figure so I won’t speculate. You know, you can look up the European Union and read up on it, it’s not a new thing.

By past50mom

January 15, 2007 09:28 AM | Link to this

Meg is mostly correct about the EU structure and vacations. However, the Euroeans do not across the board have a better life than us. Not all Europeans have the choices for career development and jobs that we have here. France is a prime example of a dysfunctional country when it comes to career options, paths and job security.

By Nikki

January 15, 2007 01:38 PM | Link to this

I currently work outside of the home, while my husband is a stay at home dad. This was not by choice…as he was part of his companies “restructuring” that left 75% of their pharmaceutical sales force without jobs. He, like AJW, feels unproductive in some days, since he is not working outside of the home. Although, he is a student working on his PT doctorate, he still feels like it is his “duty” (as a father and husband) to be working.

We recently transitioned to a new state (with my job), and it has been a tremendous blessing for him to be able to there for our boys…Quite frankly, I can not express how invaluable he has been in making our lives easier with this move. He is very involved in our children’s daily activities (homework, before & after-school activities, bath time, etc.)and is very supportive of me - helping out in any way he can around the house & even some times with my work.

Although he thinks we somehow have bad “luck” (since he got laid off although he was one of the top performers)…I remind him that our God’s FOREsight is 20/20, while our HINDsight (at best) is 20/20. I truly believe this was pre-disposed and am thankful that I have a husband that could care less about who’s name is on the check that is deposited into OUR account each month. I actually, have gotten to like the idea of him being @ home…

In the same token, I am also grateful for a husband that is neither selfish, lazy or prideful - because if we needed the extra money - he would have no issue working at the local grocery store or fast food restaurant to make ends meet for our family…

So, for all you stay at home dads (either by choice or by “default)who are really holding down the HOMEfront…KEEP up the tremendous work - this nation could use more REAL MEN like you to help raise the families…instead of being solely focused on superficial monetary gains…

By SNY

January 15, 2007 03:49 PM | Link to this

All of you should feel very very blessed. My husband and I both have to work 2 jobs apiece to make ends meet at our house. Both of us have B.A. degrees and are both exmilitary. Doesn’t seem to matter. No matter how hard I work or how hard I try, I just can’t seem to pull the salary that I desire or deserve. But, I have to have a job so I take what I can get. For those of you making so much that you don’t know what to do with, enjoy it and thank the Lord that he provided it for you.

By works well

January 16, 2007 01:16 PM | Link to this

I started out making more than my H, but over time, with hard work and consistent raises, I think he now makes slightly more than me. My H (the proud wife brags!) has worked tirelessly despite a painful and debilitating chronic illness, drags his butt out of bed way before dawn every morning to spend a long and stressful day as a licensed broker in customer service handholding demanding clients and solving their problems all day long. And thanks to my H’s terrific employer I enjoy excellent benefits as well. If we had kids I would probably stay home with them but we don’t and I am grateful for our comfortable combined income.