Home > Health > MOMania > Archives > 2006 > December > 10 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USWhat not to say to a pregnant woman
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
There are times in a woman’s life when her husband needs to tip-toe a little and really think before he speaks. Pregnancy is definitely one of those times.
Despite knowing that a woman has to be sensitive about her ever-growing size and that she is on a hormonal roller coaster (They do know this, don’t they?), many men still manage to say the stupidest things.
Even though this is my third pregnancy, my husband has managed to step in it on several occasions. Here is a quick sample:
A few weeks ago, I was searching the closet for something to put on my “blossoming” body. I asked him where his purple sweater was. He just stared at me and said, “You can’t fit in that!”
Earlier in November, I asked him about driving down to Florida to let the kids visit his father. He said, “I don’t like to travel with you when you’re like this.” “Like what,” I said. He replied, “Pregnant.”
My husband may not rank high on the sensitivity scale, but he’s far from the worst judging by the responses I got last week on-line when I asked for best-worst pregnancy comments by a man. We had more than 160 posts, many of them from men. Here are some of the highlights (or lowlights) with the commentors screen name:
By Kristi — When I was two weeks from having our first child, my husband watched me walk down the hallway and said, “I’d love to see you in a penguin suit.” We had friends over and the husband looked at him and told my darling husband “She will never forget that for the rest of her life - idiot!” We all laughed but I have never forgotten it.
By CD – My husband said: “Gee, I can’t wait ’till you have this baby. Then you can go back on your full dose of medication.” (i.e., antidepressants).
By Joe — When my former-size-4 wife was pregnant the first time she packed on the weight fast. She was sitting in front of the TV one day with a half-gallon of ice-cream and a spoon eating it from the container. I asked her if she planned on eating this way for the next five months. She gave the standard reply that she was eating for two, and I asked for two what, two NFL linebackers. She threw the ice cream at me. She must have forgotten that when she first discovered she was pregnant she told me, “Don’t let me get out of control eating. Say something if I start to get that way.” With the second child I never said a word no matter what I saw her eat. I just let it go — like she did her figure.
By Reba — The worst comment I received while I was pregnant came from my manager. During a staff meeting, he stopped mid-sentence to chuckle and announce to the room, “Reba, you look sooo pregnant today!” I was 7 months along—hello?? I had no idea how to respond to that. Did he think it was a compliment? Why was it necessary in the midst of a business meeting? Luckily no one else was ridiculous enough to chime in.
By MsYvone — Right before I became pregnant, I was on Weight Watchers, and it wasn’t a big secret at work. At three months I announced that I was, in fact, pregnant. At about five-months pregnant, one of my very sweet, but very clueless (when it comes to women) co-workers, Scott, confessed to me that he had forgotten that I was pregnant, but had remembered I was on Weight Watchers. He said he had spotted me the other day and thought to himself, “Man, I bet she’s unhappy with the way that’s going!” Then he said, he remembered later that I was pregnant. It’s one thing to think it, but what makes him think I want to hear that? Then he added, “Man, you’re gonna be huge!” Thanks. Thanks a lot, Scott.
Finally, several of you commented that your husbands asked if the baby was theirs. I guess I should be grateful that my husband is just commenting on my weight.
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Comments
By William
December 11, 2006 06:28 AM | Link to this
we get it; men suck, men are pigs, girl=good, boy=bad. boys are yucky, they have cootys, girls are smarter, and there cuteys. Time for a new theme.
By mom3boys
December 11, 2006 06:53 AM | Link to this
What about what’s the worst thing they said AFTER you had the baby?? With my first, I had a C-section and was in alot of pain. We had just gotten home from the hospital and I was pretty miserable. I asked hubby to go fill my prescriptions. He said he would after a while…he had a headache and was going to lie down. My mother (bless her!) took one look at him, put her hands on her hips and gave one order, “GO NOW!!” Nineteen years later, he’s still embarassed, with good cause! HAHA!
By past50mom
December 11, 2006 08:01 AM | Link to this
Theresa, Why don’t we talk about choosing a name for the baby, trendy or family, traditional or exotic, or a name the child will be changing as soon as he or she comes of age…
By Theresa
December 11, 2006 08:37 AM | Link to this
Hey guys - three notes — William, the men contributed to this particular discussion a lot the first time we had it. They’re contributing to the “theme.”
I do plan to change topics part way through the day — the people who read the column in the print version may not see all the good blog stuff so it’s new to them but old to you guys. I’ve got to take a child to the doctor and then I’ll be back.
Third item — past50mom this is a great topic and we will do. I have been struggling with the name for this baby. We were just working on it last night with no break throughs (bummer!).
By deidre nc
December 11, 2006 09:26 AM | Link to this
what about things they DO?? with my 3rd child my husband thought it was funny to open his mouth with chewed cheesed in it..(ewwwie-men can be so gross)—he didnt think it was so funny when i puked all over his feet..hehehe
By No Kidz
December 11, 2006 10:12 AM | Link to this
How about “Fat sow, get out of the way, the world does not bow before your disgusting protuberant belly.”?
By Rick
December 11, 2006 11:39 AM | Link to this
Teresa, do you just hate men? It’s obvious you just tolerate your marraige AND your hubby, for some unknown reason. You paint every woman as the victim and every man as some heartless neanderthal. Has it ever occured to you that men may seem insensitive because that’s the way we kid with each other and no one seems to break down in a sea of tears. O maybe…just maybe…..that you may be just as aggravating and frustrating as you write your hubby to be? Maybe you DO need your antidepressants to stop being so dayum hypersensitive about everything. I wonder how your hubby puts up with you, cause it ain’t for your charming personality. Trust me on this one, women are every bit as frustrating, self centered and “I’m right and you’re wrong” as you portray all men to be.
By By me
December 11, 2006 11:40 AM | Link to this
Theresa,
Your husband is being very honest with you. If you cannot fit in his sweater, he tells you that. Note, he told you that nicely. He did not say: you are fat like a pig or your baloon will stretch my sweater, etc. He just said that you will not fit. And even though if he would have given you his sweater, you think you would have ended at that?
Second, he also gave you an honest opinion about driving to Florida. He does not like to travel when you are pregnant. Guess why? Probably because you need more attention during the trip and that stresses everyone out. Would you rather have a husband who would take you on a trip and then argue with you every 30 minutes because you would need ice cream, pickles, hamburger, better comfort,more rest, etc.
I think you are blessed with a husband like that. He is handling the situation the way that it would avoid more arguments/dissapointments. You just need to learn to see it.
By Clark
December 11, 2006 11:42 AM | Link to this
Hey Teresa, maybe you should go lezzie, since you hate all men so much. I’ll bet your husband just rolls his eyes and gives a deep, frustrated sigh every time he hears your car roll into the garage. “OMG….it’s home again.”
By destiny
December 11, 2006 11:50 AM | Link to this
@clark - I seem to recall you having the perfect family. My we sound cynical today. Mad at your wife or have you just turned gay.
By By me
December 11, 2006 11:51 AM | Link to this
Theresa, what about the topic that discusses what we say/do during the pregnancy. I think it would be appropriate after today’s topic.
I am sure, we and our hormones during pregnancy do not make it easy on husbands. Or are we just afraid to look at our behavior? I think this would help every currect mom or every future mom. After all, we have to understand how difficult sometimes we make for that second half to live with us during the pregnancy.
By Mel
December 11, 2006 11:52 AM | Link to this
Rick’s right. Men are absolutely MERCILESS when it comes to kidding with each other. I’m deaf in one ear and it is the constant brunt of jokes. So are friends of mine that have a limp from an accident, too many fat guys to number as well as another that seems to complain about everything (don’t know WHY we keep letting him hang out with us…). The object is, we all have some things that we can’t help and get picked on. It’s all done in good fun. if someone does get aggitated, we all tell him to “lighten up, Fancis” and we move on. No one has threatened another, gotten truly mad and we have learned to accept this and even (gasp) laugh at ourselves. In other words, lighten up, Theresa.
By Clark
December 11, 2006 12:03 PM | Link to this
Destiny, you’re mostly right. My wife and I can make jabs at each other and normally, we don’t have anything come of it. I’m a little over weight and guess what? She kids me about my eating. She’s strung tighter than a banjo and I jab at her from time to time. It keeps the day from being so cut and dried and humorless. Learn to laugh at yourself as you laugh with others. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out. It’s a two way street. And Theresa literally PAINTS these pages with how her husband bothers and irritates her. Maybe she should look in the mirror.
By Fulton County Mom
December 11, 2006 12:43 PM | Link to this
When I read this last week/and again this week my thoughts were the same.
Theresa, please stay in your own closet! Even if the sweater had been big enought to fit, it is very likely your pregnancy weight is not distributed in a way that would not stretch the sweater out of shape. Why should he have given up his sweater just because you are with his child?
Additionally, traveling with anyone who does not feel well…and lets face it hormones, weight gain, lack of sleep, plus taking care of the other children is not putting you at your best…is MISERABLE.
Here is what you do: Give him a big hug…tell him you love him….then tell him to take the kids you need down town…put your feet up and do NOTHING! Amazing how it will make you feel better.
I am with the guys on this one.
By Another Mother
December 11, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this
To the guys who think they know what they are talking about. The fact is, you can never carry a baby or know what it feels like to be pregnant. Therefore, you should keep your ignorant opinions to yourselves. If you have no kids, well maybe there is a reason…
By OAKTOWN
December 11, 2006 02:39 PM | Link to this
I am just an occasional reader of this blog— but I have sensed and read a man bashing vibe to it. I don’t have a problem with it. I think Theresa has the guts to say what a lot of our wives are thinking. I look at it as a way to gain insight on the secret thoughts/angst/feelings of our wives. I am just waiting for Theresa’s husband to start a blog… would love to hear the other side of the story. During my wife’s last pregnancy I had at least one sweater that got stretched out. Just give the woman the sweater and get another one. It is small sacrifice compared to childbirth. Having a child is the most beautiful thing in the world. Merry X-mas y’all.
By Rick
December 11, 2006 03:30 PM | Link to this
Good grief, we’re back to the “you don’t know what it’s like to have a baby, so until you do, shut up” schtick. Well…..maybe we don’t. We can’t. But we DO know what it’s like to be peppered with emotional roller coasters, unending groaning and complaining and feeling like you are trying to MAKE us feel like you do. There are plenty of things men have to deal with, so if it isn’t child birth, it’s something else. Men don’t have any excuse to weild an axe when we don’t feel good and neither do you. We’ll help you as much as we can, but remember, we are TRYING! The men that don’t are a*******wipes, themselves. Don’t parley your emotional state and tantrums on something else cause men don’t have any excuse either. It is what it is. Men, be helpful and understanding. Women, be understanding and for the luvagawd, stop complaining and acting like you’re the first person to go through it!
By Will
December 11, 2006 04:27 PM | Link to this
Some lugs transition to domesticated straight life with ease, while others struggle the rest of their lives, angry with all men while thinking of that old college sweetheart.
By Jesse's Girl
December 12, 2006 07:42 AM | Link to this
Ok…I think we need a new blog topic. How about this… naming your child very ethnic names vs traditional names…and all thoughts and opinions about such as these names follow your children though life and career.
By southernmommy
December 12, 2006 04:53 PM | Link to this
Didn’t we just talk about this?