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Sunday, December 10, 2006
What not to say to a pregnant woman
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
There are times in a woman’s life when her husband needs to tip-toe a little and really think before he speaks. Pregnancy is definitely one of those times.
Despite knowing that a woman has to be sensitive about her ever-growing size and that she is on a hormonal roller coaster (They do know this, don’t they?), many men still manage to say the stupidest things.
Even though this is my third pregnancy, my husband has managed to step in it on several occasions. Here is a quick sample:
A few weeks ago, I was searching the closet for something to put on my “blossoming” body. I asked him where his purple sweater was. He just stared at me and said, “You can’t fit in that!”
Earlier in November, I asked him about driving down to Florida to let the kids visit his father. He said, “I don’t like to travel with you when you’re like this.” “Like what,” I said. He replied, “Pregnant.”
My husband may not rank high on the sensitivity scale, but he’s far from the worst judging by the responses I got last week on-line when I asked for best-worst pregnancy comments by a man. We had more than 160 posts, many of them from men. Here are some of the highlights (or lowlights) with the commentors screen name:
By Kristi — When I was two weeks from having our first child, my husband watched me walk down the hallway and said, “I’d love to see you in a penguin suit.” We had friends over and the husband looked at him and told my darling husband “She will never forget that for the rest of her life - idiot!” We all laughed but I have never forgotten it.
By CD – My husband said: “Gee, I can’t wait ’till you have this baby. Then you can go back on your full dose of medication.” (i.e., antidepressants).
By Joe — When my former-size-4 wife was pregnant the first time she packed on the weight fast. She was sitting in front of the TV one day with a half-gallon of ice-cream and a spoon eating it from the container. I asked her if she planned on eating this way for the next five months. She gave the standard reply that she was eating for two, and I asked for two what, two NFL linebackers. She threw the ice cream at me. She must have forgotten that when she first discovered she was pregnant she told me, “Don’t let me get out of control eating. Say something if I start to get that way.” With the second child I never said a word no matter what I saw her eat. I just let it go — like she did her figure.
By Reba — The worst comment I received while I was pregnant came from my manager. During a staff meeting, he stopped mid-sentence to chuckle and announce to the room, “Reba, you look sooo pregnant today!” I was 7 months along—hello?? I had no idea how to respond to that. Did he think it was a compliment? Why was it necessary in the midst of a business meeting? Luckily no one else was ridiculous enough to chime in.
By MsYvone — Right before I became pregnant, I was on Weight Watchers, and it wasn’t a big secret at work. At three months I announced that I was, in fact, pregnant. At about five-months pregnant, one of my very sweet, but very clueless (when it comes to women) co-workers, Scott, confessed to me that he had forgotten that I was pregnant, but had remembered I was on Weight Watchers. He said he had spotted me the other day and thought to himself, “Man, I bet she’s unhappy with the way that’s going!” Then he said, he remembered later that I was pregnant. It’s one thing to think it, but what makes him think I want to hear that? Then he added, “Man, you’re gonna be huge!” Thanks. Thanks a lot, Scott.
Finally, several of you commented that your husbands asked if the baby was theirs. I guess I should be grateful that my husband is just commenting on my weight.
