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November 2006
A male birth-control pill on horizon
But would you trust them to take it?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The “Today” show reported that the British are developing a hormone-free male birth control pill that could be on the market in five years. The pill is taken a few hours before having sex and affects the muscle that pushes the sperm out. Apparently a guy can still have an orgasm there just wouldn’t be any sperm there. (Here’s the full story.)
But as I sit here 6-months pregnant and 20 pounds heavier, I am wondering would women really trust their husbands or boyfriends to take these pills?
I think that men trust women to take the Pill because it has traditionally been our role to provide birth control and also we’re the ones that will get pregnant if we don’t. (I’m not saying pregnancy doesn’t affect the guy, but pregnancy obviously affects the woman more.)
What do you think? Is this a birth control option you would be into? Would you trust the man to take care of business?
(I know this is a hot topic, but please be good today – I’m sick as a dog. Thanks for your consideration.)
Permalink | Comments (54) | Categories: Health
Do you correct other parents’ kids?
Would you correct a stranger’s child? Would you correct a friend’s child? What offense is worth stepping in?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Have you ever stepped in on a playground or in a public place to correct someone else’s child? How egregious does the behavior have to be for you to say something? Does the behavior have to be aimed at your child or any child for you to tell them “No?
We were at the playground on Friday, and I stood there and watched these two little boys trash talk this younger girl. The boys were probably 8 or 9 and the little girl was maybe 6. They were telling her they were going to squish her heart and beat her down.
The little girl’s father happened to be with his other kids and didn’t notice this particular incident.
Another mother started calling her children, and I thought it was the bad boys she was calling away. I thought the situation was handled, and I moved on to follow my child to the next piece of equipment.
It wasn’t the bad kids and the mean talk continued. The next thing I heard was the little girl’s father telling the boys, “I don’t care whose children you are. We’re not going to tolerate any talk like that on this playground.”
I felt terrible that I had noticed it and didn’t step in. I kept looking for their parents to reign in the behavior, but it never happened.
What would you do?
Permalink | Comments (201) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
Can Bedlan family avoid bedlam on holiday trip?
17-hours in a minivan with 4 boys ages 6 and under. What trips home for the holidays have you endured?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Here’s a parent stumper: When traveling by minivan to grandma’s house for the holidays, would a water gun shot at an offender in the very back row keep the child in line or merely get him more excited?
This was just one of the many questions Patty and Barry Bedlan of Snellville pondered as they prepared to travel to Nebraska last weekend for a Thanksgiving at home with all their relatives.
They packed up their four boys – a 1-year-old, potty-training twins who are almost 3 and a 6-year-old — for a 17-hour drive that has not always gone so well in the past.
The Bedlans make this journey at least once a year, and in 2006 they’ve done it twice. Patty says each year they just try to forget the bad stuff that happened (much like giving birth, I think).
At Christmas in 2004, the family had only three boys. The twins had just turned 1. They flew part of the way, landing in Kansas City, Mo., so they had a much shorter distance to drive. However, along the way Logan started throwing up. They had to stop multiple times and stand outside in sub-zero temperatures trying to clean the vomit out of the rental car.
Miles had a stomach virus earlier that week, but they thought it was an isolated illness. By the time they got to Grandma’s, the rest of the family had come down with it.
“My relatives want to wear SARS masks whenever we come to visit,” says Patty.
Now she tries to quarantine the kids as much as possible before the trip – no play dates or interaction other than the required school. Everyone seemed healthy this year, but her eldest, Parker, woke up with a cold the day they left.
Parker was apparently throwing his snotty Kleenex’s toward the front seat during this trip because Patty found 1-year-old Nicholas chewing on them. (Now the baby is sick too.)
Another mother of four who works with Barry suggested she empty a two-liter drink bottle and use it bop the children on the head when they were bad. Patty knew her arm couldn’t reach the very back seat. (Hence the water gun idea.)
Patty says they used to make the trip faster, but “Now that they have to actually use the potty, we’ve got to let them out more.”
Patty e-mailed from the road last Sunday. They had another eight-hour drive the next day to her family’s house on the Nebraska-Wyoming border. The initial trip included one potty-protestor who refused to use any toilet other than his own. But so far she hasn’t resorted to the water gun. Here is what Patty reported:
“The drive up was pretty uneventful. No major bodily spills or tantrums.
4:38 a.m. Out of bed. The race begins. 5:57 a.m. All four boys are in their car seats and we’re off.
7:10 a.m. Cross into central time zone.
7:27 a.m. The kids are hungry. I climb over my seat to pass out milk and Pop Tarts.
9:10 a.m. Stop for gas somewhere between Clarksville and Nashville. Parker and I hit the restroom.
9:15 a.m. Baby is soaked through. I change him in the van, find new pants and soak up his urine-soaked seat with paper towels.
9:17 a.m. Barry takes Miles’ potty. He stayed dry—yeah!!!
9:22 a.m. Barry takes Logan. He peed in his Pull-Up:(
9:25 a.m. Back on the road with the movie “Shrek” blaring in our ears.
10:30 a.m. Logan tries to get out of his car seat and won’t stop screaming so I throw some licorice at the 3 oldest.
1:15 p.m. Stopped at rest area to eat the lunch we packed. Took all 3 older boys potty. Baby was all wet again.
1:46 p.m. Back on the road. Miles and Parker are fighting so I started another movie. We’re half-way there.
3:00 p.m. Stopped for gas. Kids asleep.
5:08 p.m. Kids woke up and are fighting. Throw more snacks at them.
5:19 p.m. Goldfish did the trick. They are all laughing and making loud “monster” noises. They’re loud but at least the whining has stopped.
6:24 p.m. Stopped for gas and Arby’s. Changed Logan again (refusing to go potty in strange places). Miles was dry again—yeah!!
7:22 p.m. Back on the road
10:17 p.m. Arrived in Fairbury, Neb. 1,076 miles. 17 hours and 19 minutes later.
This was our best trip yet. No problems. The kids were great the whole trip.”
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso lives with her two children and husband in Gwinnett County. ajcmomania@gmail.com
Fibbing for more holiday travel days?
Are you willing to feign your child’s illness to get more days off for travel from her school?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
If you are traveling for Thanksgiving or Christmas will you be using only the allotted days given by the school system or will you be adding on?
If you are adding on, what are you telling your child’s school? Are you taking the unexcused absence or are you fibbing that your child was ill? Will your child go along with your story or will he blurt out “we were at Disney World”?
How many unexcused absences does your school system give? What happens if you exceed that amount? How do private schools handle family leisure travel?
Permalink | Comments (138) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
Passing on religion
Can you instill spiritual values in children that continue as adults?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The last time my brother checked into the hospital, the admissions nurse asked him a few routine questions. One of which was “What is your religion?”
My brother, ever the smart aleck even in heart failure, answered “Seventh-Day Stay-At-Home-Ist.” Despite both of us being taken to Mass every Sunday for 18 years and to Sunday school for 14 years, my brother and I went down divergent paths at college.
Other than the occasional appearance for high Christian holidays, I don’t think my brother ever rushed off to Sunday morning services during his college years. I, on the other hand, not only made it to the Catholic Center each week, but started teaching first-grade Sunday school as well.
I must confess, however, that my intentions were not completely noble. My devotion to the church was largely based on the fear of disappointing my parents.
This week, many college students will be returning home to parents wondering: Did they have prodigal sons and daughters or did their young adults practice the faiths they were taught as children?
College can be a pivotal time in faith formation for young adults. “I think for many students it’s the first time they start to question what they grew up with. They are exposed to new ideas, traditions and different spiritual paths,” says Harriet L. Schwartz, author of “Spirituality 101: The Indispensable Guide to Keeping – or Finding — Your Spiritual Life on Campus.” She explains that college students are often intentional about exploring their own identities, including their religion and spirituality.
Schwartz, who is also the assistant director of the Career Center at Carnegie Mellon University, says first-time college students often shake out into three groups:
Students who grew up without much religious involvement. While trying to figure out who they are and how they relate to society, they start exploring religion.
Students who grew up involved in organized religion and continue down that same path. They affiliate with a community that helps them grow and strengthen their spiritual ties.
Students who grew up with religious involvement but as they encounter different ideas in class or from roommates, explore or question their own faith.
Randy and Dee Porter’s twin son and daughter both grew up worshipping at a Southern-style Baptist church, but as college freshmen neither is now attending church on a regular basis.
The Lilburn couple’s son Chad didn’t actually wait for college at Georgia State University to begin analyzing his faith. In high school, Dee says Chad started questioning the literalness of the Bible and the church as an institution. She says he has always been very intellectual about his religion.
Daughter Chelsea on the other hand has been strictly faith-based and consistently attended services right up to going away to Georgia College and State University in Milledgeville.
“She hasn’t made time to go. She’s usually on the go on the weekend. When she comes home she goes to church,” says mom Dee. “I ask her occasionally, ‘Have you found a church to go to?’ I don’t know if I should or not, but I don’t push the issue. I want it to be a decision that they make. I don’t want them to go because they feel guilty that they have to go. I want them to go because it’s in their hearts to go.”
Schwartz says it’s very natural for college students to explore many faiths. But that can be very stressful for parents, she says, who may take it very personally if they feel their children are rejecting the religion they grew up with.
Need a procreation vacation?
The latest travel trend offers couples an expensive, yet relaxing way to make a baby.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I was holding out on this one as to not overload you with baby stuff, but now it’s everywhere so I wanted to share the story.
Resorts have started putting together travel packages for overscheduled couples to give them a better shot at making babies. (See the full story.)
According to the Associated Press story, some are offering on-site sex doctors, romantic advice and exotic, erotic food and drinks to put couples in the mood.
The AP story goes on to say, “Even some obstetricians are promoting the trend. Dr. Jason James of Miami said he often encourages couples trying to have a baby to sneak away for a few days, and he often sees it work.”
“ ‘One of the most easy, therapeutic interventions is to recommend a vacation,’ James said. ‘I think the effect of stress on our physiology is truly underestimated.’ “
Two quick thoughts: I’m pretty sure couples have been getting pregnant on vacation for years but someone has just coined a cute name for it and figured out how to market it.
Secondly, it would really stink to pay all that money for a three-day vacation just for baby making and your cycle be off schedule that month. Can you imagine explaining that to your husband?
What do you think? Do you like the idea of a procreation vacation or is it all just a matter of marketing? Do you think the packages listed in the story sound enticing? Do you think it would actually help you conceive?
Permalink | Comments (54) | Categories: Health
Will new ads make kids eat healthier?
Ten companies said they will try to promote healthier lifestyles in their child-oriented advertising. Will it make a difference to your kids?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Ten food and drink companies, including McDonald’s, The Coca-Cola Co., General Mills Inc., Kellogg Co., Kraft, PepsiCo Inc. and Hershey Co., said Tuesday they would adjust their ads to promote healthy eating and exercise to kids. (Here’s the complete story.)
The Associated Press reports: “The companies, which account for two-thirds of child-targeted food and drink commercials on TV, agreed to reduce the use of outside characters — think Shrek and the Little Mermaid — to pitch unhealthy foods. They also said they would not advertise in elementary schools and would ensure their online ‘advergames’ either promote good health or healthy products, among other measures. Half their ads will focus on foods that qualify as healthy or on nutrition and exercise issues.”
Officials disagree about whether this self-regulation on child-oriented advertising will truly be effective. Here are two comments from AP’s story:
Michael F. Jacobson, executive director of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, said, “If a ‘healthy lifestyle message’ means that Ronald McDonald is pedaling a bike while peddling junk food, that message still does more harm than good.”
While C. Lee Peeler, executive vice president at the Council of Better Business Bureaus, which is to monitor compliance with the voluntary rules, said “It’s a major step forward by the industry.”
What do you think? Will more ads showing Ronald McDonald riding a bike help your kids make healthier eating choices or do they still think that’s the clown with those fantastic fries? Do you applaud the companies for trying or do think it’s all lip-service?
What do you do at home to counteract advertising that promotes junk food?
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Are you already working on Christmas?
I'm usually against jumping the gun on a holiday, but this year our little elves are already preparing.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I haven’t even bought my turkey yet for Thanksgiving, but we are already working on pulling together Christmas.
The Christmas cards are ready to be sent to the printer. The kids have their Christmas outfits for church. And my husband has taken the kids to the toy store to figure out what they are most interested in for their Santa list.
I am generally aggravated by stores putting up Christmas decorations and Christmas songs already playing on the radio, but for some reason we’ve gotten a jump start this year. I don’t think we’re the only ones. I hear lots of ladies talking about what their kids are interested in for Christmas, and I saw one girlfriend’s completed list of what to buy on her kitchen table.
I guess I’m hoping if we have all the big things done early, then we can just cuddle up, bake, visit with friends and look at the tree as the holiday draws near.
Are you already preparing for Christmas? When do you normally start? What do you like to get done early? What do you like to do closer to the holiday?
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Peeks of pregnancy making me cry
To test or not to test? Too much information is scaring me.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I am starting to believe that ignorance is bliss — at least when it comes to this little baby hiding out in my tummy.
Thanks to the miracles of modern science we can poke, prod and intrude on these tiny beings long before they are ready to make their big debuts.
According to one Web site, doctors can test for approximately 250 possible defects while the baby is still inside of you. They can take samples of your body’s fluid and peer into the darkened world of your uterus using high-powered, yet painless ultrasounds.
They can also needlessly worry you with test results that aren’t always accurate or definitive. It makes me wonder if mothers are better off not knowing, not stressing over possibilities that may never come to pass? Did our mothers’ generation worry less and enjoy their pregnancies more without prenatal testing? Do the benefits of knowing about defects outweigh the scary experiences when the testing isn’t right?
I have spent the last month and a half in an irrational crying stupor as indefinite, yet frightening test results have been revealed to us. Thanks to the notoriously false-positive-producing AFP (alpha- fetoprotein) screening test, I was told that I had a higher risk for Down’s syndrome than other 34-year-old women, and we needed to do more testing. After five days of crying and worrying while waiting for a targeted ultrasound, the doctors finally cleared the baby of that fate much to our relief. (Thank God.)
But then the perinatal specialist (who is a lovely man, but is scaring me to death) told us he wanted to do further study on the baby’s heart just to make sure it didn’t have the hereditary defect that my brother had.
So three weeks later, I went in for an echocardiogram for the baby, which is essentially another high-level ultrasound. The specialist cleared the baby of any heart problems (again, thank God), but left me to worry about something entirely new.
Now he’s concerned about my placenta – it appears to be lying low.
I’m thinking maybe it’s just up to no good, but he’s worried it can turn into placenta previa, which is fairly serious and can result in hospital bed rest for your last trimester. (That should go well with my 5- and 3-year-old .)
I called my midwife in a panic. She declared that she thinks my placenta is in a perfectly-appropriate place and not to be apprehensive. I asked her why the specialist is concerned and she said, “They’re always worried.”
I might feel differently about the testing if it had revealed actual problems in the end. We know we are lucky that it hasn’t. But at this point, I think my fretting over potential problems has caused my baby real stress and that’s not healthy for either of us.
I’m pretty sure my little 23-week-old baby is as tired of the testing as I am. I envision the baby inside of me holding a little picket sign saying, “Get out!” or “Happily Gestating! Leave me the &*#@ alone!” I would love to pledge that I will be tough and tell the doctors enough is enough. No more testing; no more sneak peeks inside. But I swear my uterus is like a traffic accident you can’t stop lookng at. And now, I want to be cleared of this most recent concern.
So I may let them take one last look to see what my low-lying placenta is up to. But I’m thinking of taking my own sign with me saying, after this, “Don’t tell me anything bad.”
Do you have separate checking accounts?
Do you and your husband keep separate financial accounts? Why do you do it? Does if reflect on the marriage at all?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Do you and your husband have separate checking accounts? How did it get started that way? Why do you do it? Whose idea was it? Do you each have access to both accounts? Do you think it indicates anything about the relationship?
How do you handle paying the bills with separate accounts?
Permalink | Comments (192) | Categories: Running the household
Is there a gun in your home?
How do you weigh the protection of a gun versus the possibility of your children or their friends getting a hold of the gun?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Do you keep a gun in your home for protection? Do you worry about your kids or their friends getting it and playing with it? Where do you keep it? Do you keep it loaded? What are you doing to prevent the kids from finding it or being able to get to it?
Whether you have a gun or not, what are you teaching your kids about gun safety? Do you ask when you send your kids on play dates if that family keeps a gun in their house? How do you bring that up?
My heart is breaking for the family from northern Cherokee County whose 3-year-old son found the family’s gun and shot and killed his 5-year-old sister. I can’t imagine the sorrow the mother is feeling and the guilt that baby boy will live with. (Here’s the full story.)
How do you weigh the protection of a gun versus the possibility of a deadly accident?
Permalink | Comments (129) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
Love ‘em or hate ‘em, you’re stuck with in-laws
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My 5-year-old daughter and I went to my cousin Emily’s wedding in Boston last weekend. While the wedding was lovely and beautifully pulled off, what surprised me the most was the amiable, and dare I say, loving relationship between my cousin and her soon to be in-laws.
The groom’s family lives nearby in Rhode Island, so my cousin had spent the past two years getting to know them. She chatted, hugged and kissed them with no fake or forced emotion.
Even the bride’s sister, who also lives in Boston, was in on the in-law love fest. I overheard her making plans to spend the holidays with her sister’s new family and the mother-in-law offering to teach her their family’s special recipes while she visited. (It took me seven years to extract those from Michael’s family.)
Mouth agape, my mind traveled back to my own wedding. This was the not the in-law relationship I was used to, or for that matter, the type that many of my friends have experienced.
Despite dating my husband for two years before getting married, I didn’t actually meet my father-in-law until three days before our wedding. When we first started dating, Michael’s father and his new wife lived in North Carolina. By the time we got serious, Michael’s father was stationed at a military base in Italy so we never had a chance to be introduced.
His father flew in three days before the wedding, and they stopped by to see me while I was at work. His dad wasn’t super chatty, but at least the initial meeting was over.
His father and brother were coming to my parent’s house for dinner the next night. They spent several hours with my family, and it went surprisingly well … until the end. They were walking out the front door, and my father shakes my soon-to-be father-in-law’s hand and says, “Well you weren’t half as bad as your son said you would be.”
My mother covered her mouth. I slumped down on the stairs and put my head in my hands. In one of my father-in-law’s more graceful moments, he said, “Listen, if you can get along with him, you can get along with me.”
I didn’t see my father-in-law or meet his wife for almost two more years after the wedding. They were moving back from Italy and visited us at our apartment in Pennsylvania.
His father’s family took our room upstairs, and we slept in the smaller guest room downstairs. The only catch was all our clothes were still upstairs. Again, things had gone OK. Nothing terrible happened — at least that stands out to me now. They were leaving that day, and I was getting ready for work.
I yelled up to ask my mother-in-law if it was OK for me to come up and get my clothes. She said, “Oh yes, come on up.”
I had to pass the bathroom to get to our closet, and there was my father-in-law sitting on the toilet reading a magazine with the door wide open.
He stood up to slam the door, which didn’t help matters. I screamed. He swore. I ran from the room, got dressed downstairs and went to work without even saying good-bye. Thankfully, I didn’t see them again for about another two years, and even then I was still red-faced from the incident.
A lot of my friends don’t have two-year hiatuses between visits from their in-laws and have many more problems than I do.
One girlfriend has a drop-in mother-in-law. You know the type — she’s always just popping by. It makes my friend crazy, but her husband will never say anything to his mom.
Another girlfriend started off on wrong foot with her mother-in-law and never got back on the right one. The first time she ever met her mother-in-law was a very casual encounter. She had only been dating her future husband a short time and his parents happened to be in town. The then-boyfriend asked his parents if they minded if she came along when he went to see them and the mother said, out of nowhere, “I’m not ready to be a grandmother.”
She repeated this sentiment several more times in the early stages of their relationship, and things went downhill from there.
How well do you get along with your in-laws? What was your first encounter like? How often do you see them? Have the kids helped your relationship or hurt it?
• Theresa Walsh Giarrusso is the mother of two. She lives with her husband and children in Gwinnett County.
Women gaining more financial power
This New York Times story offers amazing statistics about how much buying power and control women have in this economy. Are you feeling this power?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The New York Times had a fantastic story this week about the financial power of women. (The story is long ladies, but stick with it. It will make you feel empowered!)
Here are few excerpts from the story that will tell you how influential we are in today’s economy:
“ ‘We are perhaps on the first step to a matriarchal society; women will earn more money than men if current trends continue by 2028,’ said Michael J. Silverstein of the Boston Consulting Group. ‘The trend has been escalating in the last 10 years as there has been a gradual, slow erosion of the power balance in the family, a psychic rebalancing.’ ?
“Women, Mr. Silverstein added, are ‘controlling purchases and driving a shift in our economy.’ ?
“Much of that shift has to do with education and pay. At American colleges and universities, women represent 57 percent of undergraduate classes and 58 percent of graduate classes, according to the American Council on Education. (They also hold a slight majority in the overall population.) And education, in turn, has helped to bolster salaries and income. In 2005, government data show, women who were full-time wage and salary workers had median weekly earnings of $585, or 81 percent of the $722 median for their male counterparts, up from about 63 percent in 1979.”
“ ‘Women are outspending men in our industry $55 billion to $41 billion,’ said Julie Gilbert, a vice president with Best Buy. ‘Not only that, they are actually influencing 90 percent of the purchases. It is a new day in consumer electronics.’ ?
Do you see this shift happening in your own life and your friends’ lives? Do you feel this financial power?
Permalink | Comments (57) | Categories: Running the household
Ever feel like a bad mom?
How do you cope when outside influences distract you from being the best mom or dad you know you can be?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One of our MOMania regulars sent me a quick note last week with a great topic for discussion.
She wrote: “How do moms and dads cope with depression/grief and the guilt that goes along with it when they are not quite being the super mom or dad they are used to being. I lost my Dad this year and struggled with being a mother and going through the grieving process. Many friends have said they have gone through the same thing with a death or divorce.?
I think this is such a relevant topic for many families. I have a friend who also lost her Dad, and she has been tremendously worried about not being a good enough mom while she dealt with his death.
But I don’t think it even has to be something as serious as death or divorce that can distract you from your parenting. I think stresses at work and even pregnancy can derail you. I have felt like the worst mom the last few months because I have not had my regular energy to do the things with the kids that we normally do. My mothering has definitely suffered from the pregnancy, and it’s a terrible feeling.
What distractions are keeping you from being the best parent you can be? How do you get yourself back on track? How much grace time do you allow yourself?
Permalink | Comments (29) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
