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Sunday, November 19, 2006
Passing on religion
Can you instill spiritual values in children that continue as adults?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The last time my brother checked into the hospital, the admissions nurse asked him a few routine questions. One of which was “What is your religion?”
My brother, ever the smart aleck even in heart failure, answered “Seventh-Day Stay-At-Home-Ist.” Despite both of us being taken to Mass every Sunday for 18 years and to Sunday school for 14 years, my brother and I went down divergent paths at college.
Other than the occasional appearance for high Christian holidays, I don’t think my brother ever rushed off to Sunday morning services during his college years. I, on the other hand, not only made it to the Catholic Center each week, but started teaching first-grade Sunday school as well.
I must confess, however, that my intentions were not completely noble. My devotion to the church was largely based on the fear of disappointing my parents.
This week, many college students will be returning home to parents wondering: Did they have prodigal sons and daughters or did their young adults practice the faiths they were taught as children?
College can be a pivotal time in faith formation for young adults. “I think for many students it’s the first time they start to question what they grew up with. They are exposed to new ideas, traditions and different spiritual paths,” says Harriet L. Schwartz, author of “Spirituality 101: The Indispensable Guide to Keeping – or Finding — Your Spiritual Life on Campus.” She explains that college students are often intentional about exploring their own identities, including their religion and spirituality.
Schwartz, who is also the assistant director of the Career Center at Carnegie Mellon University, says first-time college students often shake out into three groups:
Students who grew up without much religious involvement. While trying to figure out who they are and how they relate to society, they start exploring religion.
Students who grew up involved in organized religion and continue down that same path. They affiliate with a community that helps them grow and strengthen their spiritual ties.
Students who grew up with religious involvement but as they encounter different ideas in class or from roommates, explore or question their own faith.
Randy and Dee Porter’s twin son and daughter both grew up worshipping at a Southern-style Baptist church, but as college freshmen neither is now attending church on a regular basis.
The Lilburn couple’s son Chad didn’t actually wait for college at Georgia State University to begin analyzing his faith. In high school, Dee says Chad started questioning the literalness of the Bible and the church as an institution. She says he has always been very intellectual about his religion.
Daughter Chelsea on the other hand has been strictly faith-based and consistently attended services right up to going away to Georgia College and State University in Milledgeville.
“She hasn’t made time to go. She’s usually on the go on the weekend. When she comes home she goes to church,” says mom Dee. “I ask her occasionally, ‘Have you found a church to go to?’ I don’t know if I should or not, but I don’t push the issue. I want it to be a decision that they make. I don’t want them to go because they feel guilty that they have to go. I want them to go because it’s in their hearts to go.”
Schwartz says it’s very natural for college students to explore many faiths. But that can be very stressful for parents, she says, who may take it very personally if they feel their children are rejecting the religion they grew up with.
