MOMania

By Stacey

October 13, 2006 08:20 AM | Link to this

I’m from a large family (both parents deceased) as is my husband. A couple of my sisters are a lot older and are now grandmothers! I believe I have seen and/or heard it all either in my household growing up or from watching them. I KNEW that I would NEVER raise my child the way I was raised nor the way they raised their’s. Of course, as an adult, I have sense enough to recognize what a wonderful upbringing. Thankfully (or hopefully) the apple didn’t fall far from the tree and I’ve done almost everything that I would NEVER do!

That said, even with being “The World’s Best Mom”, I still have doubt and insecurities. I call on my sisters and/or my mother-in-law for advise. I also have a few friends and “church family” that I know I can turn to. Fortunately, I haven’t been faced with anything “major” or “bad” but if I am in the future, I recognize that there’s no such thing as perfect parents or kids.

Right now, I can’t imagine paying a “Parenting Coach” when I can get way more free advise than I could ever want or need. If the need for professional help arises, I don’t think it would be a parenting coach.

By fk

October 13, 2006 08:21 AM | Link to this

OMG…I think that some people simply should not be parents. A child who is throwing a tantrum is spoiled. Why does someone have to call or email a stranger for $110 to get confirmation? I was not into the parenting books and magazines like some of my friends were, and would never use this crutch. Come on, you know if you made a mistake in handling a situation with your child. Fix it. Why do you have to call a coach? I think I’d be in sad shape to think I was going to get better advice b/c I was paying a ridiculous fee. If there is a serious issue, get counseling. Do you need to pay someone $100+ to tell you that?

I talk to my friends both far and near, and my sisters who all live 900 miles away, sometimes just to hear their reactions, sometimes to get advice or just to vent. I was on the phone last night with my sister-in-law till 1 a.m. I was venting about my teenager. She and my brother raised five wonderful children. I turn to her a lot.

By Andrew

October 13, 2006 08:37 AM | Link to this

I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll tell you your kid is a brat and you couldnt parent a pet rock, and I’ll only charge you …..$75.00.

Just when I thought I had heard it all.

By baby girl

October 13, 2006 08:59 AM | Link to this

If you think you need a parenting coach, then you probably shouldn’t have kids, or maybe need a license to have them.

Its a learning experience, you grow, they grow, mistakes are made, mistakes corrected. Maybe I’ve been around too long. The world is getting too complicated.

By Theresa

October 13, 2006 09:05 AM | Link to this

I will say with my first I had loads of problems and a hard time — but again I think friends, my mom, michael’s aunt, the pediatrician and the lactation consultant were my team of advisers —

By abc

October 13, 2006 09:24 AM | Link to this

I’ve lived my adult life halfway across the country from my family, so their advice on child rearing wasn’t readily available, nor something I sought. I grew up with my parents, of course I know their views on the topic.

I read books on child psychology, compared them to my own values, and did the best I could. There is no right or wrong approach, and kids don’t come with instruction manuals. All you can do is the best you can. If you think dealing with them when they’re little is tough, just wait until they’re teenagers! Oh, you’re in for a treat!

By Jesse's Girl

October 13, 2006 09:35 AM | Link to this

I should just rent out my family members.There about 30 of us. I am the oldest grandchild. But there is only 3 years between me and the youngest child of my grandparents. So I was quite literally raised as one of their children. In fact…I was 8 before I fully understood my brother was my uncle! There are doctors, lawyers, teachers, military, poilce officers, criminals…you name it…we have it! So I cannot see a situation when I would pay anyone for advice. My family has seen it all. However, if one of our children was suffering from a severe behavioral or emotional issue…..I would consult in this order….family, pediatrician, then mental health professional. By the way….Theresa….how is your brother doing? He has been in my thoughts and prayers.

By Lovelyvi

October 13, 2006 09:47 AM | Link to this

This is the first time I have entered these conversations, but I had to write today. The parents who pay for advice are the same parents who ask their kids if they “want” to do something. I had experiences when the child needed educaitonal help and the parents let the child make the decision. Get real - the parent knows the benefit of education, no the kid! Send them a “How to be the Adult” book, as well as “How to be the Parent”.

By Theresa

October 13, 2006 09:47 AM | Link to this

A quick aside — hey jesse’s girl — he’s doing so much better!! — he did a bunch of tests at emory and they think they can wait a little longer on a transplant — he’s on 20 different meds (can you imagaine) but he’s feeling so much better - he’s able to sleep and breathe — and he started back to work some this week (working up on his time) — so he’s in much better shape — thanks so much for praying for him - he can always use it!

By past50mom

October 13, 2006 10:01 AM | Link to this

I actually think this is a good idea. Many families do not have a support network around them from whom they can get advice and support. They may not want to share their personal family problems with friends and clergy, so this is a practical resource for parents who can afford the fee. There must be a market if there are so many of these people operating. I would love to get paid for all of the advice I have given over the years!

By Sarah

October 13, 2006 10:16 AM | Link to this

If you need a coach to teach you how be a better parent after you have the child perhaps we should take this issue one step back and issue a parental compentence test before procreation is allowed. We all know having kids is not a miracle; any two amoebeas floating upstream can latch onto one another and procreate, it’s really no big deal. I think so many married couples feel a social and family obligation to have kids; the wedding is over, we have our favorite china set all complete, we have the two bedrooms….so now lets rush to have kids. I hear it day in and day out at work about how tired you are taking Taylor and/or Cody to cheerleading, soccer, dance and lacrosse. I see how much extra time you require being off work, afterall I am often left here to take up the slack in the office. Did you not think of any of this before you started having kids? Ask the husband of the sixteen year old girl who was speeding moms high price and high powered Mercedes Benz that killed the mother of three last week if her parents should have had some parenting help. Does you sixteen year old have a fast car and a cell phone? If you anser yes to this, get fixed. Why do our pets have better birth control than people? Because we know they don’t need offspring. Get the hint?

By past50mom

October 13, 2006 10:33 AM | Link to this

Sarah, Got kids? I think not from your sarcastic, office loner comments. None of us know what parenting is about until we embark on the journey. We are all different, and our kids are all different and present a host of challenges, that we may or may not have had when we were kids. We need support and advice from a lot of sources, family and friends, pediatricians and books, and yes, sometimes professionals. We all need a little more kindness and less judging. Get the hint?

By Joyce

October 13, 2006 11:00 AM | Link to this

I just ready the article, and I find it interesting that the mom in the opening example thought the solid-food issue was important enough to make a phone call (I think), but not important enough to take off any time from work to get guidance.

Personally, I think the idea of coaching is a good one, I just don’t think most people need to spend any money on it. I get advice and venting opportunities from my mom (800 miles away), as well as the “Mom-friends” I’ve made in the last two years. I think most problems are able to be solved from those two sources. If it’s something more serious, then I think I would want to pay for advice from someone whose credentials I could verify, like a family therapist.

By MIke

October 13, 2006 11:02 AM | Link to this

It too late by then, there should be a process where people are tested before they have children. You need a license to drive, you need license to teach, any dumbass can have a child.

By HarleyGirl

October 13, 2006 11:03 AM | Link to this

AMEN, SARAH! I truly believe that you should have a license to have kids.

By Mike

October 13, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

It’s too late by then. There should be some tests to get a license to have children. You need a license to drive, a license to teach but any dumbass can have a child.

By baby girl

October 13, 2006 11:19 AM | Link to this

I have a question for Sarah, Harley Girl. Why is it that you who choose to be childless and seem not to even like kids patronize this blog? Could it be that you really do secretly want kids???

By Amy

October 13, 2006 11:28 AM | Link to this

Boy are there some judgemental people out there. In today’s culture, many parents come from broken homes or homes with poor role models and for them to make efforts to be better - more power to them! They’re loving their children enough to get help. Get off their cases and offer help instead of criticism. God, you people!!!!!!!!

By Cletus Snow

October 13, 2006 11:50 AM | Link to this

A serious waste of money, at the same time some people shouldn’t be allowed to have pets.

By Jesse's Girl

October 13, 2006 11:54 AM | Link to this

Sarah…you’re the cat lady aren’t you? Ease up please. Don’t like what you see? Then you need not participate. In fact…I beseech you not to. Just because all of us here made it through high school without the Benz and cell phone doesn’t mean that cars and phones are not needed today. Times are-a-changin’. If you dislike the stats….as we all should….on teenage driving, then please join the race for getting driver’s ed pushed through the capitol. Do something about your gripes instead of just hurling them at us.

By John

October 13, 2006 11:57 AM | Link to this

These parents need to get a life.

By sue

October 13, 2006 12:09 PM | Link to this

I would never pay for a parenting coach. Like so many others have mentioned, I have a network of other moms that I can go to. But if there are people out there who want to pay $100.00 to a parenting coach, I applaud them for recognizing that they need help, and for seeking guidance. Parenting is not always easy.

I will sometimes watch the Nanny shows on TV and there is a trend that even my 13 year old recognizes: The children are out of control because the parents don’t know how to parent. If you need help, get it.

I just feel sorry for those who don’t have a built in support system.

By Stacey

October 13, 2006 12:24 PM | Link to this

To all of you non-parents who say that people needed to study and become licensed before becoming parents, take it from a convert…no amount of preparation will teach you everything you need to know. Each child and each situation is different. Just when you KNOW you’ve seen it all, kids will invent something new to keep you on your toes. You can live 100 years and raise 1000 kids and you will still have a lot to learn about parenting.

I still don’t see me paying someone $110 an hour but I have done a whole lot of things I would never do!

By Heather

October 13, 2006 12:45 PM | Link to this

OMG! Some people just shouldn’t have children. If you need a counselor to tell you how to raise you children…that’s just pathetic.

By andrew

October 13, 2006 12:47 PM | Link to this

Just because you can afford the mini-van, starter mansion and those trendy little baby buggys does not mean your cut out for parenting. One good indicator that you’ve bitten off more than you can chew is paying someone 100 bucks for advice. If you catch yourself doing that, Stop, drive to the nearest doctor and get the procedure.

By nookie

October 13, 2006 12:51 PM | Link to this

What a hoax! All it takes is a good swat on the bottom and the evil eye from Mom or Dad to squelch the tantrum. Paying that kind of money to get “advice” is ridiculous. Spend your money on educational tools for your children and spend TIME with them!

By urbanmommy

October 13, 2006 01:20 PM | Link to this

OK, so you have a kid and it’s harder than you thought it would be. A person seeking professional parenting advice doesn’t sound like a bad parent to me…sounds like a person who will do whatever you can to try to help your kids be the best they can be. Would I do it? I’m probably too cheap, unless I couldn’t think of another way. But I certainly wouldn’t hold it against anyone else. In fact, it’s probably like therapy…more of us could probably use more help.

By A loving mom of 2

October 13, 2006 01:46 PM | Link to this

Wow, you people are brutal. Wow is all I can say. No one is born knowing how to be a parent. Every kid is different, every parent has issues from their upbringing, every family’s situation is different. I am lucky enough to have 2 wonderful daughters, a supportive neighborhood of moms and friends, a great pediatrician, access to innumerable books and magazines and I would still absolutely pay someone $100 an hour to help me through something that I couldnt figure out for the benefit of my child. (it would be a last resort but if nothing was working otherwise…. ) Instinct only gets you so far. instinct doesnt tell me when to start solids, instinct doesnt tell me that fever with no other symptoms is an ear infection, instinct doesnt tell me a lot of things. I am still a good mom. I learn everyday how to be a better parent and that’s all I can do! I’d like to see a good swat on the bottom and an evil eye squelch a toddler’s tantrum. yeah, right. There are too many folks saying, that’s how my folks did it and I turned out all right. You know what, maybe you didn’t. Maybe you turned out too judgmental, too prejudiced to those different than you, too critical… Need I go on? and Yes, I was raised around a lot of sarcasm.

Every day is wonderful with my girls, and I wouldnt give up the joy of being a parent (the most difficult and rewarding thing anyone can do) ever. However, there are still parenting issues my husband and I have not been able to compromise on and we are still working on things. Parenting is hard and if someone has good advice that works, so be it. I certainly dont have all the answers. My husband and I are both great parents. Would we have been able to get a parenting license if you were all on the licensing board? By the sounds of some of the comments, I doubt it. My kids are happy, healthy, open minded, loving, and full of glee. and it’s not like we can give them back! They are mine to love and cherish as I see fit - unless of course, you can do a better job than me, and want to take it upon yourself to raise them perfectly. Have at it!

By JC

October 13, 2006 02:15 PM | Link to this

Parenting: Just because you can doesn’t mean you should!!!

By SCARED4theFuture

October 13, 2006 02:27 PM | Link to this

WTF! More money than sense..some people should have their children taken from them and they should be steralized! We are the New Roman Empire and the decline has begun! It probably does not matter these kids will grow up speaking spanish under Korean rule at the rate this country is going!

By Joyce

October 13, 2006 02:40 PM | Link to this

Okay, I’ll jump off my high horse for a second. I still think it’s pretty sad that our society or whatever has led us to isolate ourselves so much that we pay someone for advice that used to always come from family and/or friends.

There are so many people around us who can give insight to our situations. When I was working (before son) I remember some of the older ladies who were my co-workers complaining about how their new-mother daughters didn’t believe that they, the new grandmothers who already had raised several children, knew anything about raising children “today”. I wonder if some of the moms using parenting coaches are going through the same “turf issues” as these ladies’ daughters were.

By andrew

October 13, 2006 02:40 PM | Link to this

re: a loving mom of 2, what a load of yuppy crap! “it’s whats on the inside that counts”

By Sarah

October 13, 2006 02:51 PM | Link to this

Jesss’e girl…I bestow upon you The Golden Uterus Award. Don’t be jealous because without kids my breast are where they are suppose to be and my tummy is flat.

By bella

October 13, 2006 03:06 PM | Link to this

If you can afford it and it helps, then by all means hire a parenting coach. In fact, I think there would be happier families and a better society if a “Dr. Phil” was accessible. My only gripe is that the “coaches” actually be licensed counselors.

Look at all the talk shows, the nanny 911 shows…it shows that some people are looking for and could use some help. God bless them for letting go of their ego and asking for assistance. If more people asked for help there would be fewer bullies, school shootings, and narcisstic people. And the world would be a better place for us all.

By Laura

October 13, 2006 03:20 PM | Link to this

Just goes to show that some people have more money than sense.

By scott

October 13, 2006 03:27 PM | Link to this

Parenting for Dummies, courtesy my father. Repeat as often as needed: “I am the parent, you are the child”. Any questions?

By JustMe

October 13, 2006 03:34 PM | Link to this

Oh god yes! So many of today’s parents have NO CLUE how to parent. Any help for them should be welcome.

The sad part is that the very parents that need the most help are the very ones that claim that they don’t need help and won’t seek help….

As a teacher over the years, I have seen first hand how the number of sorry parents have increased dramatically. It is very evident in parent/teacher meetings when their own child yells at them or throws things at them or cusses them out and storms from the room - all the while the ‘parent’ sits there and says nothing.

By Deb

October 13, 2006 03:49 PM | Link to this

Good point, Scott! This is what I kept in mind when I was raising my kids, and it does work.

I see way too many parents today who worry more about what their children “want” than what they “need”!

By Cindy

October 13, 2006 03:55 PM | Link to this

I can understand the opinions of many here that hiring a coach would point to a parent being pathetic or weak. I might have shared that opinion had I not been trained and certified as a business and life coach. What’s missing here is the understanding of what coaching offers compared to therapists, friends and family.

A therapist is trained on a medical model, looking for cognitive disorders and diagnosing dysfunction. Friends give advice and opinions based on their own experience. Coaching was developed by therapists who realized that there are a lot of “functional” people with very challenging situations in which the medical model of therapy doesn’t necessarily apply. Sometimes the advice of friends and family works and sometimes it doesn’t because their way may not be yours. Friends and family tend to have an agenda and strong opinions on what you “should” do. A coach is far more than an advice giver. There is a structure and methodology to co-creating solutions that fit your family style, culture, spiritual perspective etc.

We do assessments to evaluate personality types of parents and children, analyze relationship dynamics, communication style and get perspectives from different family members. We do an in-depth analysis of the environment that is affecting your child and create solutions with you, not for you, based on YOUR core values, lifestyle, Spiritual beliefs and goals. The goal is family harmony and every situation requires a customized solution that comes from an objective point of view rather than my personal opinion. Choices I have made as a parent may not fit you at all.

And finally, friends don’t typically sit down with you and write out a plan. Often times change does not take place without clear, defined steps toward your end goal. You wouldn’t take a 1000 mile road trip to a new destination without a map. Most people I work with are too busy, overwhelmed or to close to the situation to create an effective plan for change.

I work with top level executives who understand the value of coaching. Being coached is not about being weak or pathetic. It’s about getting what you want faster, with more effectiveness and less stress. Whether for business or life, our approach as Coaches is fundamentally the same.

By amused

October 13, 2006 04:17 PM | Link to this

This message was brought to you by Cindy, parenting coach, now back to our program.

By past50mom

October 13, 2006 04:21 PM | Link to this

Cindy, Thank you for your explanation!
We all need some coaching occasionally.

By abc

October 13, 2006 04:58 PM | Link to this

No offense, Cindy, but it sounds like a racket to me.

By Shunte975

October 13, 2006 05:04 PM | Link to this

I would love to have enough money where I could just give it away on a PARENTING COACH! But I don’t! That’s what moms, grandmothers, friends, pediatricians and the church is for. It does take a village to raise a child. A lot of times we don’t know what we’ve gotten ourselves into until the delivery is over! Then there’s that time in between, on up until college graduation! It’s ok to need and seek help. That just means you are committed to raising a good child.

By Jesse's Girl

October 13, 2006 05:42 PM | Link to this

My dear sweet Sarah…..I will accept your award with a smile on my face. See, while you will live a life with perky breasts, flat tummy, picture free refridgerator and desk, and crumbless back seat…..my life will have a meaning and joy that you cannot comprehend. While you are busy being perky and alone, I will be laughing because my 3 year old son just attempted to do laundry. I will be in awe of my oldest daughter beating both her father and I in a Sudoku challenge. I will cry at my middle daughter’s piano recital. I will be awakened with a breakfast tray ,converted from my husband’s shoe box, filled with all my favorite foods. I will receive handmade cards with chocolate milk stains. I will hold my daughter’s hand as she cries over her first crush/heart break. I will stand in amazement and wonder as my children grow into blessed adults who know how to be a blessing. I will have all of these things and you will have cutsie bras and panties and a heart untouched by the countless joys of motherhood. Yes darlin’…..I will take my uterus over your empty life anyday.

By past50mom

October 13, 2006 06:33 PM | Link to this

Sarah, Regarding your statement, “Don’t be jealous because without kids my breast are where they are suppose to be and my tummy is flat.” Breasts are supposed to be used for nursing babies, and since yours are not, then they are NOT “where they are suppose to be.” FYI, your breasts will eventually succumb to the pull of gravity whether you nurse, or not. ( @ )( @ )

By Fulton County Mom

October 16, 2006 08:34 AM | Link to this

I did not nurse my daughters. I beg to differ Past 50, mine are just where they are supposed to be: over my heart where my children’s head is when they hug me. Just because they will succumb to gravity (along with the rest of me)…does not mean I do not appreciate that I still have the figure of a 27yo when I am about a decade beyond that.

As my Pediatrician (a great coach) said, nursing or not is really not that big a deal anymore. YES they will have your anti-bodies, but if Mom is really not comfortable with it, then there are very good (expensive) formulas out there. I do not regret one moment of holding my children tight with a bottle of formula.

By past50mom

October 16, 2006 08:47 AM | Link to this

FultonCoMom, I was addressing my comments to Sarah, and not picking a fight with any moms! My motto is different strokes for different folks. Have a great day : ) PS, Just wait 20 years more, and yours will start drifting south, too.

By bellamomma

October 16, 2006 08:54 AM | Link to this

ok, first the topic: Parenting coaches seems like a racket and I pray to God I never have enough self doubt to call. I trust my strong maternal instinct and the opinions of family and friends. if that fails their is always the pedi and parenting mags. All for a hell of a lot cheaper than a coach.

Having said that I am sure their are parents who don’t have the instinct and do consistantly second guess themselves. so hey if they have the money then let them call. I think I just found a new job!

Now, for the boobie topic: Sarah, you annoying twit. This is a parenting blog. You are not a parent. Why are you here? And by the way, thanks to modern medicine and a husband who spoils me, my breats are very perky and my tummy flat. Plus I still get the handmade cards and snotty kisses before bed. I love my life!

By bellamomma

October 16, 2006 08:57 AM | Link to this

One last thing on the nursing topic, my best friend and I had babies about a month apart. I nursed, she didn’t. Hers sagged worse than mine did.

By southernmommy

October 16, 2006 09:30 AM | Link to this

omg! a parenting coach. ok folks, go to msn.com and you can post a question on their parenting web site. people when then give you their opinion. unless you are useless you surely have some small idea as to what the right thing to do is and can surely pick out the answer that suits your kid. Oh and IT’S FREE. If you really need to spend the money I will gladly charge you a finders fee.