MOMania

By bellamomma

September 21, 2006 09:45 AM | Link to this

no. i do what i do because i care about what is going on in my kids school and education.

By babygirl

September 21, 2006 09:46 AM | Link to this

I wanted to see what really happened in class. It was really an eye opener. There were chlldren who didn’t speak English, children whose parents had been arrested the night before and the child was asleep, disruptive children, etc. After this, I maintained close contact with teachers and counselors all through high school. Because they knew me, they would alert me of things I needed to know or fix. Suprisingly enough, my child never resented it, but was glad.

Whatever the reasons, it can’t be a bad thing to get involved at school.

By Stacey

September 21, 2006 10:04 AM | Link to this

When my son was in daycare, I volunteered how / when I could. I work fulltime so I wasn’t always available for “hands on” help but I donated snacks, party supplies and things like that. If I had enough notice to arrange my schedule, I would sometime chaperone field trips. Although I did so because I wanted to, I can’t deny that it worked in my favor. A couple of times I was a few minutes late picking him up (don’t you love Atlanta traffic)and I wasn’t charged the $1 / minute late fee.

He’s in Kindergarten now and I did buy all of the “required” supplies and a couple off of the wish list. I joined the PTA and will be at every Open House & parent / teacher conference. His education is important to me and I truly believe that parental involvement is essential. My husband works long, crazy hours and is not in the position to be as visible as I am.

By Spacey G.

September 21, 2006 10:25 AM | Link to this

Full disclosure… I’ll try to post this comment without the usual dose of snark, ‘k? Well, just a little…

I stay involved with my kid’s school because there’s a ton of pressure to do so: from the Uber-moms and the kids and the admin. And yeah, society too. The usual suspects.

So, I was doing it mostly because I’m a kiss-butt, conformist, Buckhead Power Mom wannabee.

But the other day, I volunteered in the computer lab, and as I’m also a computer/blogging freak, I found I really liked being there and helping out on the computers, because I was really good at it. For the first time in my long and rather dubious volunteer history, I really felt like I made a difference, that I wasn’t just there for show.

Plus, it really gives any kid a pure thrill to see mom or dad pop-up periodically at school. They really do just swell with pride, and what’s not to like about that?

Now, in return for this snark-free comment, here’s the requisite link-back to me:

http://spaceygreview.blogspot.com/

And ALL moms should watch The New Adventures of Old Christine, Monday nights on CBS at 9:30pm. Boy, do they nail it or what!!! Plus, it will give you some good ideas for better, more creative and interesting blog topics here.

By PTAPrez

September 21, 2006 10:28 AM | Link to this

It doesn’t matter! I’m the President of a PTA in Dekalb County and there are a faithful few who will poke thier head in, help during lunch, direct traffic, settle unruly kids, and make macaroni necklaces with Kindergartners. Others just drop their kids off (sometimes before the building even opens!) and speed away, not to be seen again until pickup. Most parents whose kids ride the bus we never see either. We have to coax them with gifts, prizes, food, and yes, gift cards (like cash) to just show up to PTA meetings. One teacher has 20 kids and at her last parent teacher conference had 3 parents show up the whole time. And I was one of them!!

If you’re reading this and haven’t taken a vacation day to just hang out at the school, pretended to have a cough and take a sick day, or worked at home to have extra time… please do so. Teachers LOVE to see parents. You’re not over-stepping your bounds, you’re not in the way, you’re not a hinderance in any way. And after you spend an hour in your child’s classroom, go to another one! Tell them who you are and ask if they need help stapling papers, grading, reading a story, timing for speed math… whatever. I had one lady tell me she didn’t want to go into the class because she was scared and too shy, yet I saw her SCREAMING in the Kroger for her relative to make sure they got regular tampons and not super! Shy?! Don’t think so.

By Spacey G.

September 21, 2006 10:33 AM | Link to this

LOL, PTA Prez! Good post.

By PTAPrez

September 21, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this

Thanks Spacey G! Glad you realized you made a difference in computer class! Now you really are “the cool mom”! Every kid in the school knows who I am and my kids think it’s so cool! I’m like a celebrity! I get pictures, flowers (weeds pulled out of someone’s yard - but it’s the thought!), hugs, and one 5th grader, who at one time was a thug wannabe, bought me a chocolate milk with money he made mowing lawns!

By Spacey G.

September 21, 2006 10:59 AM | Link to this

Dang, PTAP. I got a ways to go to get to your level of cool. Then again, we’re just in first grade. I’m still moreorless a newbie.

By babygirl

September 21, 2006 11:10 AM | Link to this

Some of the kids get so little attention from anyone at home, they cling to you. I have been called Mom by some of them when I see them on the street. It’s not about being cool. It’s about seeing what is going on in your child’s school life, which is a big part of their formative years.

By commutermom

September 21, 2006 11:19 AM | Link to this

When my kids started school, I thought it was so strange that all these stay-at-home moms hung out at the school all day. (my husband and I always take days off to chaperone field trips and field days, and pop in for lunch as much as we can) There was no question that some/most of these “regulars” expected special favors for their children in return for time served; it was pretty obvious there was an expected quid pro quo.

This year, my 2nd grader’s teacher said right up front that if parents want to work behind the scenes in the office (copies, cutting for bulletin boards, etc), she encourages that, but she forbids them to come to the classroom during instruction time, and they are allowed in the classroom only for special events (parties, field day, awards, etc.). Hooray! This makes so much more sense to me than adults hanging out/loitering in the classroom FOR ANY REASON, including trying to kiss up.

The school in general discourages parents from penetrating past the front office area by requiring sign-ins. They don’t want the parents feeling like they need to walk their kids to class after the first week of school. Maybe the administration is trying to teach these kids how to live and get along without constant parental company? HMMMM! What a novel concept.

I’m 45, and I can’t remember a time when I was growing up when parents came and stayed in the classroom while we were attending school. That just seems so weird to me. And there were a lot more non-working moms then than now. I think some parents think their children can’t get along without them. For the most part, at school they certainly can.

By babygirl

September 21, 2006 11:32 AM | Link to this

I am not a stay at home mom nor did I expect anything in return. I was welcomed by the teachers and didn’t do it only a daily basis, but every once in a while. Teacher after teacher told me they wish more parents would get involved, that some didnt even show up for conferences.

If you think for one moment that school is a safe place, think again, especially high school. As a peer leader, my child was exposed to things you can’t even imagine.

By William

September 21, 2006 11:50 AM | Link to this

I have strong feelings about this one, but commutermom nailed it!, great job!

(its very disturbing to see these woman hanging out everyday, just like the little league dads do at the high school football practices, very sad)

The otherwise lack of response to this topic is telling. OF COURSE volunteering in school is done strictly for brownie points. Middle and Upper middle class suburbia have crossed the line from being competetive to being paranoid. Moms (and dads) will now go to great lengths to see that their little guy gets the leg up. It’s also an indication of an overall lack of trust of the teachers. The parents volunteer to hang out but what they are really doing , besides getting brownie points, is they are monitoring and maybe even trying to control a teachers teaching style.

As far as backfiring, you bet it does, and often. The kids are brutal to each other when it comes to favoritism. I have 7 siblings, all college grads, all doing well. I cannot remember, ever my mother (a stay at home mom) ever going to or being involved in any way any of our school activities other than programs, open house, etc. Thanks Mom!

By Reader

September 21, 2006 11:55 AM | Link to this

Both my husband and I have provided little extras for my girls’ preschool. My thinking is that if we free up a little time or provide some extra supply for the teacher or school, that adds up to a few more minutes they can spend on our children, or one more activity from their wish list they’re able to do. Believe me, some things that are considered basic supplies in an office are almost luxuries in a school!

DH has also helped at their fall festival (he was in the dunking booth!) because his daily schedule is a little more flexible than mine.

We enjoy establishing a rapport with the staff. I know from being a school employee that teachers are more likely to talk with someone they’re already comfortable around — hey, that’s just human nature.

And to repeat from a previous entry, I also know first-hand that kids LOVE it when their parents help out at school. Of course, the kids do need space and that help doesn’t have to be in their own room. Try helping in the library, asking to volunteer for a teacher who has low parental support, taking over the paperwork for one of those huge, obnoxious fundraisers the school has to do. There are lots of things you can do without looking like you’re stalking your child!!

By baby girl

September 21, 2006 12:04 PM | Link to this

You are fortunate William. Times are different now and so are kids. Sorry you feel the way you do. I am not a kissup, didn’t get any special privileges for my child. This isn’t a nice world anymore and I felt a need to make sure my child’s school was safe. Sorry if you don’t agree.

By a high school mom

September 21, 2006 12:11 PM | Link to this

Volunteers make the school, no doubt about it. I volunteered a lot when my son was in (public) elementary school. I was very active in the reading program that was school-wide. I volunteered in a special ed classroom, too. My motivation was altruistic, but I have to admit that I’m a bit too idealistic for my own good.

When my son was in the second grade, all volunteer classroom slots were filled by the ultra-committed moms, who, somehow, were already signed up for everything before we mortals even entered the classroom on sneak preview day. Hmmm…

There was never a shortage of volunteers. As a matter of fact, one year my “job” was to log all of the hours for the volunteers. I think some of it bordered on complusive/obsessive behavior…I recall many moms logging in at 100+ hours a month. I didn’t doubt that the parents volunteered because they wanted to make the school better, but I also felt that there were ulterior motives as well. It never ceased to amaze me to see where the super-duper PTA volunteers’ kids were placed year after year.

By stayinvolved

September 21, 2006 12:15 PM | Link to this

My husband and I helped more the past few years but ours has hit third grade and there are fewer parties and events that require extra help. We make sure we check in with his teacher either after school or via email just so we are informed and know what is going on. Each time we offer our assistance as well as ask if there is anythign she needs for the classroom.

My opinion is many of these moms are suffering from withdrawl from their social lives they had in high school and college and now are trying to carry it over to their childrens lives. They live at the school and have formed cliques with one another much like they did in HS and college.

By babygirl

September 21, 2006 12:23 PM | Link to this

I can only imagine how those you are judging would judge you. Ever thought about that?

By stayinvolved

September 21, 2006 12:24 PM | Link to this

My belief is that if there is anyone you are ever going to suck up to in your life, it should be the person that spends the entire day with your children!

By school volunteer

September 21, 2006 12:29 PM | Link to this

I’m a stay at home mom and I do volunteer in my kids’ classes — usually twice a month per child, helping with AR tests or other time-consuming tasks. I do it, because I do like the fact that my kids are happy to see me and I think it helps the teachers. It also helps me get to know better the people (teachers and kids) that are a huge part of my kids’ day.

I come in for an hour or so on each of my volunteer days, do whatever the teacher has left for me to do. Some days, the kids are out of the classroom for PE, French, Music, Art, etc. and the teacher is busy doing something else at her desk. It’s not a big gab session. It’s just helping out a little when and where I can.

My oldest is in the third grade now. Just by volunteering a couple of hours a month, I know most of the kids that have been in her classes since kindergarten. Some are her friends and some aren’t — but I know who she’s talking about when she mentions them in conversation. And those kids — the friends and just plain classmates — know me and will stop to say hello when they see me out and about. That’s nice, but more importantly, it shows me that the kids do care and aren’t too bothered with parents being involved in their schools.

I’m also the daughter of a stay-at-home mom. My mom was involved in our class way back then — probably about as much as I am now.

By stayinvolved

September 21, 2006 12:32 PM | Link to this

Babygirl…not judging them just an observation that many are stay at home and don’t have the social interactions that a job, volunteer work, group offers and therefore they look for it at the school, which I think is not appropriate. All for forming friendships with other parents but when it gets to the extreme and you are acting like you are back in school that is a different story. This is their childrens time, they’ve got to let go a bit.

By babygirl

September 21, 2006 12:37 PM | Link to this

It does seem that the common division here revolves around stay at home moms. I applaud you all, wish I could afford it.

By Homeschool Mom

September 21, 2006 12:40 PM | Link to this

If you’ve got the time to hang out at school, do your kids a favor and homeschool them!

By commutermom

September 21, 2006 01:16 PM | Link to this

I love the way all the school junkies assume that just because most parents don’t feel the need to shadow their children at school that they aren’t aware of what’s going on! My children make excellent grades, are in the gifted program, and their teacher and any info I need on a daily basis is never more than an email away. I am also required to acknowledge any info my children bring home from school. I think my kids are pleased to see me when I DO get to pop in for lunch or special occasions, because it IS a special occasion, not the everyday ho-hum of a helicopter mother.

And for you who think the kids won’t crowd around any mother who shows up in the room or at lunch, think again! I have always worked, but when I’ve shown up at day care or school, those other people’s kids act like it’s all about me, even though they don’t see me everyday. Just typical behavior for kids.

I will admit that my children are fortunate to live in an excellent school district, and everyday security is not an overwhelming concern. I just think there are so many ways to contribute (paperwork, organizing fund raisers, sending in supplies, etc.) while still letting the teachers and administrators do their jobs without what sometimes amounts to interference and favor-seeking.

By babygirl

September 21, 2006 01:26 PM | Link to this

I love the way all the career crazies make themselves feel better by attacking stay at home moms.

By commutermom

September 21, 2006 01:38 PM | Link to this

babygirl, any credibility you had you just lost. By the way, what is a “career crazy”? Did you come up with that on your own? Nice!

By Stacey

September 21, 2006 01:43 PM | Link to this

Although I would do more hands-on volunteer work at my son’s school if I could, I think commutermom made some valid points. My son loved it when I volunteered in his preschool class but sometimes I could tell that I was a distraction. A lot of the kids (mine included) paid more attention to me than the teachers so my being there was almost counter-productive.

His kindergarten teacher sent a note home just last week asking parents to please allow time for the kids to adjust to being in a new school and not try to come visit during instruction time. Now, unless it’s a special event or contest, I will limit my volunteerism to activities outside of the classroom. At last week’s PTA meeting they announced that there will be upcoming events where the class with the most parental involvement would win prizes (pizza party, ice cream, etc). In those events, I will volunteer in the classroom.

By babygirl

September 21, 2006 01:45 PM | Link to this

Not any worse than school junkies. You have no right to judge their motives. I’m glad they take interest in their children. Tons of people don’t. Oh yea - interference and favor seeking is nice to.

By Older Mom

September 21, 2006 01:59 PM | Link to this

My son is a senior in high school and until this year I tried in some way to volunteer at his schools. I have always joined PTA because my mom always did. I seldom went into his class, I stayed in the back ground doing laminating or helping in the library. There are many places you can volunteer in the school other than the class room. Just getting to know other children was an enjoyment to me. Like someone else said, many of the kids just need a little bit of extra attention and they love it.

By bellamomma

September 21, 2006 02:16 PM | Link to this

the idea that because “she” is a stay at home mom, she has no social interaction and is so pathetic that she just hangs out at the school for company is insane. i am a part time secretary for a family company, i volunteer weekly at my daughters school, two days a week my son comes to the office with me for the 4 hours i am there and the other three he goes to a day care. i am hardly pathetic and I ACTUALLY HAVE FRIENDS so I don’t need to get my social interactment at a job!

p.s. there have been studies that have shown that kids whose parents are home when they get home and are involved in their “outside the family” lives are EQUALLY social but less likely to do drugs,drink or get pregnant.

a career crazy is anyone who rides in the car on the way home from the after school program, talking on her cell phone to the office instead of asking little sue how her day was.

By stayinvolved

September 21, 2006 02:18 PM | Link to this

Babygirl….are you even reading the posts? Did I miss where folks are attacking stay at home moms?

Used to be a stay at home mom now I work from home 4 days a week, go in the office 1, could just as easily be at the school if I wanted to. It’s not whether you work or not, it’s those that go over the top and don’t know when to quit.

By babygirl

September 21, 2006 02:23 PM | Link to this

You only need to look at bellamommas post for your answer. I wasn’t the only one reading. You don’t know what peoples motives are don’t assume.

By Stacey

September 21, 2006 02:38 PM | Link to this

Well said, Older Mom. There was a commercial a few years ago that said something like…”Name a character on a current sitcom” and everyone could but when they said “Now name a character in your child’s math class”. Kids love positive feedback from adults and they would just beam when I spoke to them by name. Although my name was always “Mrs. Gerald’s Mom” to them, I get a rush when one of sees me in the grocery store and runs up & hugs me.

By past50mom

September 21, 2006 03:29 PM | Link to this

When my kids were in elementary and I was a SAHM and worked PT, I started helping in the classroom so that I could get to know the teacher, and help with reading groups or single students that needed help. I gave science lectures, and had all of the kindergarten classes come visit my pond in the spring for nature walks. One year I gave talks to the third graders about fossils, social insects, and fishes. At my daughter’s HS graduation a young lady came up to me and introduced herself and told me how much she had enjoyed my science talks 9 years earlier in third grade! I helped because it was fun and I made a contribution, not for Brownie points as William said. Those of you who volunteer know how much work there is, and how rewarding it is to know that you made the school a better place for all of the students. We built a good community of involved moms and dads at Dacula Elem., one that has grown to 2,008 students this year. If you build something good you will attract more good people to your community. It takes no effort to crack cynical remarks about volunteers and their intentions. It takes a lot of effort to roll up your sleeves and lend a helping hand, but you get much more back in appreciation from the kids and the teachers than you ever put in.

By babygirl

September 21, 2006 03:35 PM | Link to this

Dacula is my community too, so you know the spirit I am talking about. We live in a unique community.

By past50mom

September 21, 2006 04:44 PM | Link to this

babygirl, Yes, we have a great community! We built our house here 22 years ago, when 316 ended at Hwy 29! Dacula elementary was just one long angled hallway next to the middle school on the site of the present middle school (completely built up and over. We moved into the building on Fence Rd. when my oldest was in 3rd grade. I was PTA pres back when we began to grow from a group of just a few cookie baking moms into a well oiled school supporting machine, starting VIP (Very Involved Parents), Read Trek reading incentive program, fall and spring festivals, spaghetti dinners, talent shows, and great fundraising. We encouraged everyone to come out, meet your neighbors, lend a hand, whether it was for 5 min a year, 2 hours a week, or for special events. Other communities can do it, too, all you need is good leadership, a welcoming spirit and a thankful smile for everyone who helps!