MOMania

By ML

September 13, 2006 08:15 AM | Link to this

My husband and I struggled with infertility for 7 years until we were blessed with our first little girl after doing In-Vitro and we are expecting a second baby in a month after doing in-vitro again. We used SE Fertility off of 285. I know we are very blessed and I feel for those who have not been able to conceive, because I have been there. Infertility is so much more common than people realize, we have many friends who have used the same clinic and doctor and some have been successful while others have not.

By stayinvolved

September 13, 2006 09:18 AM | Link to this

Such an idiot

By Theresa

September 13, 2006 09:26 AM | Link to this

we had to delete a comment above stay involved’s — stay involved is not saying that ML is an idiot.

By Tray

September 13, 2006 10:05 AM | Link to this

My wife and I do not have this problem, but we have approached a bridge that we don’t know whether to cross or not-adoption. We have the ability to have children, quite easily considering she was on BC when we found out she was pregnant, but anyways, even though we can have kids on our own, there are so many out there that will not be given an opportunity to grow up with a family that in my opinion, people who can’t conceive should move immediately to adoption. ML I applaud you for your attempts at in vitro, but after 7 years, I would have adopted by then. If people can’t have their own children, I think they should let their love reach out to children that won’t have blessed opportunities. Like I said, we can have kids, and are looking in to adoption only because of other children we can’t help. Any opinions on it??

By Suebee

September 13, 2006 10:06 AM | Link to this

After years of fertility shots and an unsuccessful operation, I remained infertile. While we had hoped to have our “own” child, we turned to international adoption. Today, I couldn’t think of any other child as being my daughter. She is the child I was always meant to have, even if she didn’t grow in my belly. Infertility doesn’t have to be the end of your dreams. You just have to chose a different route to being a parent. My daugter will soon be 11 and I thank God everyday for the opportunities she has now that she wouldn’t have ever received in her orphanage.

By Theresa

September 13, 2006 10:13 AM | Link to this

tray — we have had several friends who had adopted and one who is still trying to adopt after 5 years.

While there are plenty of children out there who need good homes, I don’t think the process is an easy one — or an inexpensive one.

I’m pretty sure our friends who just adopted in the us spent over $40,000 to make it happen. And it’s my understanding that you’re looking at a minimum of $20,000 for international. So I don’t think it’s just as simple as there are kids out there — it’s a painful process of “being chosen” and trying to figure out what can you do differently to attract a mother to your family.

By Tray

September 13, 2006 10:15 AM | Link to this

That’s exactly what I’m talking about Suebee, even though people can’t have their ‘own’ child, I believe that taking care of any child and raising it makes you a parent, a father, a mother, whatever you are looking for. The emotional attchment will be there, always.

By Eric

September 13, 2006 10:24 AM | Link to this

What puzzles me is how God/Fate/mother nature/whatever seems to make it so easy for people who have NO BUSINESS being parents to shoot out kids at insane rates and people who want and desire families have such a hard time.

Keven Federline, a worthless waste of skin and a total POS gets a woman pregnant just by THINKING about having sex with her, yet there are many childless couples who would be fantastic parents…

cruel joke on a world that needs more decent people and fewer idiots and aholes.

By parent of 4

September 13, 2006 10:34 AM | Link to this

I have not had the problem with infertility, however we also made a decision to adopt at least one child. Foreign adoptions and private adoptions are expensive. But there is a Government organization called DFACS were the adoption process is CHEAP and if you adopt correctly they will pay YOU for the child. Most people want a new born (understandable) and believe they can not get that from DFACS. However we got our darling at the age of 6 months, which is just past all the sleepness nights of warming up the bottle. Remember the children with DFACS did not ask to go there and are not necessarily problem children. It is just their parents did not or could not take care of them. In fact since GA started the “drop the unwanted child off at the hospital” DFACS has had a lot of newborn children, you just need to know what part of the agency arm you need to become a part of.

I tell my friends and family the same thing a single mother tells an absent father (who is trying to say he does not think the child is his since they do not look like him) “If you feed them, they will look like you.” Meaning once you give that child the love they deserve and need, you will realize that it truely is your child. Because that child will start acting like you and remind you and others of you more and more.

By Michelle

September 13, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this

It’s only difficult to adopt if you want a white baby, there are plenty of African-American and other ethnic infants needing homes, but no one seems to want to adopt outside of their race.

By Rosie

September 13, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this

I have suffered from infertility since I was 27 and I am now 45 and just adopted a son. Over those long years I suffered from depression and the feeling of “why me, why did God decide I wasn’t good enough to be a Mom?”, I ended up getting a divorce, my husband wouldn’t get a second mortgage on the house so I could have IVF treatment (boy was I dumb - no desperate) and thinking that being single was the answer because being married only made me want the “perfect family” even more. I finally saw the light and remarried at 39 and was going to try IVF but I felt like why spend the money towards that when there are children out there who either need a home or need our money for college. Once that decision was made we received a wonderful phone call saying that a child was available through private adoption.

Those depressing “why me” thoughts are gone, I don’t cry at baby showers or the sight of a expectant mother anymore. But I want to stress here that being infertile is awful, it makes you question yourself and God. And family members just don’t get it, they don’t understand especially if they have children. My sister would make comments like “you are better off” or “see, if you had kids you couldn’t do this or that”. No one understood why I got depressed each and every holiday. For the first few years doctors would just say I was depressed, but finally one doctor said “no, you are in mourning for the children you don’t have” and then it all made more sense because I couldn’t understand the feelings I was having. I was grieving the children I couldn’t have. Again, my husband and I are very blessed with the son we were able to adopt, he is such a joy, and I am so looking forward to the holidays now!

But I know from being on both sides of the fence, it costs so much for infertility treatment and then it costs so much to adopt, but when you are infertile, you will sometimes do things and spend money out of desperation. I am happy with the choice that we made not to spend the money on IVF, and to wait and see what God had in store for us, and it paid off. We only had to pay $6000 for a private adoption, we are lucky I know. I also work with a couple of women who have also done private adoption and spent about the same amount of money, so my point is adoption doesn’t have to cost so much. I believe agencies and attorneys are taking advantage of infertile couples - to me it is almost like buying a baby and we shouldn’t have to do that when there are so many children out there. The government gives a credit up to $10,000.00 for adoption, so we are planning on using our credit to adopt another child, or use this credit for our son’s education.

By Yvette

September 13, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

I couldn’t conceive and adopted two kids (siblings) through DFACs, ages 10 and 11. They are now 15 and 16 and my joy. They are beautiful and intelligent teenagers. I’m glad I made the decision.

By ML

September 13, 2006 11:25 AM | Link to this

We chose to try in-vitro one time and it worked. I would not change it for the world. We debated adoption and would have no problems adopting. But I had to try to have one of my own, I really wanted to have the pregnancy decision. Part of the depression is feeling that loss. I came to terms with it after some soul searching that I need to try in-vitro. It took time to get money together. If your company has medical care accounts, that helps a lot. It is tax free, not tax credit to a certain ammount. I think people need to do what is best for them, they are the ones that have to live with whatever decision they make.

By Meg

September 13, 2006 11:26 AM | Link to this

I know it will sound like a breeze to those of you who have struggled with infertility for numerous years, but I went through a series of medications and treatments (shots, etc.) for about a year before I got pregnant via IUI with my first child, who is due in April 2007.

You never think that infertility is going to happen to you. Like Eric said, everywhere you turn another person who has no business having children is introducing another one to the world. It’s kind of like when people who smoke/drink/do drugs/eat unhealthy foods throughout their pregnancies have perfect babies while women who do everything “right” have endless complications.

To say it’s all unfair is the understatement of the year. I didn’t get pregnant in high school like so many others I know. My husband and I made it through college, got good jobs, got married, and bought a nice home before we even thought about kids. I thought starting a family was just a matter of tossing out the pills, having some “fun,” and waking up pregnant one morning.

When we finally faced the fact that it wasn’t going to happen without some help, I started on Clomid. In addition to making me sick, it did not cause me to to ovulate. Fromara was what did the trick for me. I was on it for three months before I had a successful ovulation and it was that cycle during which I had an IUI done. Knowing how low the success rates of IUI are (especially the first time), I tried very hard not to get my hopes up, but we beat the odds and it was successful.

Other than the huge disappointment I felt every month that the treatments didn’t work, I think the worst part of it all was hearing all of my friends and family telling me “if you’d just relax and stop trying so hard you’ll get pregnant in no time.” I would literally leave the room and go cry every time I heard this. No one really understood - I could be as tranquil as the Dali Lama, but if my ovaries weren’t producing any eggs, it wasn’t going to happen for us. No matter how many times I tried explaining this, I still faced that asinine comment every time the subject came up. Trust me, it’s the absolute worst thing you can say to someone who’s trying so desperately to get pregnant.

I think the best I ever felt in the year that we were going through this was when I found a book called The Conception Chronicles. I found it at Target one day and began reading immediately. I felt like they were writing about my life! It’s all about the desparation you feel - the bulk ovulation predictor packs, dozens of boxes of pregnancy tests every month, “sex on demand”, and all the rest of it. I totally recommend it to anyone struggling with infertility. I made my mom read it and she finally understood and never made the “relax” comment again.

By Robbie

September 13, 2006 11:27 AM | Link to this

My wife and I just adopted a newborn girl. She’s almost 2 weeks old and is the joy of our life. After almost 7yrs of trying on our own, this adoption opportunity presented itself to us approximately 3weeks ago. It has been fairly inexpensive so far ($3500). The adoption is not finalized as of yet but the petition (and other legal papers) have been filed. We anxiously await the final word and hope everything precedes normally.

By Been There

September 13, 2006 12:06 PM | Link to this

I was trying to think of the most encouraging thing to say to a couple dealing with infertility. I conceived my twin daughters through IVF. While I don’t make it a habit to broadcast that, I will tell people who seem genuinely interested and who may be looking for some hope themselves. So I guess my advice is that if you’d like to have some pointers from someone who’s MAYBE been there, start off by letting them know that you’re hoping to have a baby yourself. Something about giving birth to twins seems to make the general public think it’s okay to ask about your sex organs, your sex life, your bank account — you name it! And that can make new moms a little defensive when someone seems especially inquisitive.

I have also given unsolicited advice (but if it makes it any better, I always start out by saying I know it’s unsolicited but you may wish later someone had told you this): I tell women even in their twenties to not put off seeking medical help if they think there’s a problem, and not to put off deciding to “try.” As my doctor told me: “Time has a way of making these decisions for you.” For what it’s worth, we were 26 & 27 when we started trying, and it was 10 years before our babies were born.

By Jeremy

September 13, 2006 12:17 PM | Link to this

My wife and I struggled with infertility until she got pregnant. Unfortunately, in the 27th week she got pre-ecclampsia and delivered early. Our son lived 11 days. It was a painful process, but we had hope that we could have children. Upon further investigation, we learned it was not possible for us to have children. We turned to adoption. We now have 2 domestically adopted children. We are fortunate to have 2 siblings adopted 2 1/2 years apart. The process is expensive, but it’s been the best investment I have ever made. Don’t let cost deter you, their are organizations that provide help, employers provide reimbursements, and the federal government gives a $10,000 tax credit.

By ultraelf

September 13, 2006 12:31 PM | Link to this

Well, it is interesting that adoption costs a lot-guess they want to make sure parents have the resources to take care of a kid but jeesh-don’t bankrupt the parents. many people do not want to adopt outside their race because of the community factors. A white couple with a black baby may get stares, if she is alone with kid, she may get a passer by yelling “whore” thinking she slept with and got pregnant by a black man. Also, people feel comfortable with their own race. If it were less expensive to adopt, more people might do it.

By Allison

September 13, 2006 12:38 PM | Link to this

We struggled for several years with infertility. We were just getting ready to start in-vitro, but I had decided to take a break before starting. During that break in time, I had the incredible opportunity to adopt my daughter as a newborn (domestically), and I have never looked back, nor started the merry go round of infertility treatments again. My gorgeous daughter is now 12 years old, and we now have a beautiful son from Guatemala, that we adopted 2 years ago at the age of 4 months. My children are my children, and it makes no difference to me if they are bio or not. Yes, adoption was expensive, but really no more than all the rounds of infertility treatment. My daughter is old enough to understand adoption, and she knows she has a birth mom. But I am “Mom” to her, and when my children hug me, and say “I love you Mommy”, that all that really counts..

By Imokwithit

September 13, 2006 12:39 PM | Link to this

Boy, I really feel like a being from another planet here. I was married for almost seven years. For the last three of those we tried to get pregnant. It never happened. I accepted it and am enjoying life. I believe that if it was meant for me to have children, it would have happened naturally. I didn’t want to be poked, prodded and medicated just to “fulfill my duties as a woman”.

But I do agree with Eric’s point. Why do people who are seemingly irresponsible and careless have children like crazy, only to ignore and neglect them, while responsible, caring adults go through so much trouble to have one or two children? It doesn’t seem fair. But I think we should accept our lot in life and be happy with what we are given. Whether that’s adoption or just not having kids at all. I have friends with kids who are always calling me to babysit. If I refuse or say I’m busy, they criticize me for being so ‘free’, saying it’s my responsibility to become a parent. I tell them that I will continue the conversation with them once I return from a weekend trip to Vegas or a vacation in Jamaica, or volunteering for Red Cross or Habitat for Humanity. Things you can do on a whim because you’re ‘free’. It’s not like I had my tubes tied to avoid having children, it just didn’t happen for me. And I am SO okay with that.

By Been There

September 13, 2006 12:39 PM | Link to this

Ultraelf: don’t think it’s some altruistic factor that sets the price. People are heartbroken and desperate to have a child and so will pay.

By Caroline

September 13, 2006 12:43 PM | Link to this

My sister and her husband married young-right out of high school- and tried for the next 17 years to have children. They turned to foster parenting and grew to love everyone of the children that almost seemed to pass through their home. The did adopt two girls about two years apart.

One of the girl’s mothers was mentally ill and had about 4 other children in foster care. The other mother was a homeless 16-year-old girl who got pregnant by a man she just met.

They adopted these two precious girls about 10 years ago and in March, by some miracle, my sister gave birth to a healthy baby girl.

I wish everyone with infertility the best of luck and if you can…adopt. My neices know they were adopted…my sister tells them, “You didn’t grow in my belly, but you grew in my heart.”

By stayinvolved

September 13, 2006 01:07 PM | Link to this

IMOKWITHIT, I think you are blessed that you don’t struggle with your circumstances however I certainly disagree with your statements of being “free” because you don’t have children.
We too do all the things you do, including Red Cross but with our child. We just take him along. Vacations, festivals, sporting events, etc. We are certainly not tied down because we are parents nor do we spend our free time at Disney & Chucky Cheese.

Also, I am Aunt to 2 wonderful brothers that were adopted from DFACS and am so thankful they have been given a chance to grow up in a loving stable home.

By By Cheryl

September 13, 2006 01:19 PM | Link to this

Before we was married I always imagined that I would go through fertility treatments if necessary (a possiblity since my husband survived childhood cancer). When we recieved the bad news my mother was the one who suggested that we pursue adoption in addition to medical treatment. I morned the fact that we couldn’t share in creating a child but gradually realized that our child would be connected to us through our families and our shared experience. Eventually we decided to forgo fertility treatments altogether and started the adoption process.
Adoption isn’t an easy road for everyone. We opted for a domestic open adoption and suffered through several broken matches. We cared for one child for two days before the birthmom decided she couldn’t go through with the adoption. Unfortunately for us she had signed the adoption papers but the waiting period in which she could revolk her decision wasn’t over. I thought I would die from heartbreak and we both wondered if we had made the right decision when deciding to adopt. We decided against all odds to continue the process, and about a year later our son was born. Over all, the process took three and a half years and we spent approximately thirty-thousand dollars which seemed about equal to our friends that had gone through several bouts of fertility treatments.

Our son’s first birthday is in about a week and a half. We both agreed that if God appeared in front of us and said we could have as many natural children as we wanted if we would only give up our adopted son, we would turn him down flat. We’re also debating when to start the adoption process again. We would prefer not to travel such a long hard road the second time around but we’ve agreed again to an open adoption and we’ll just take our chances. We know that in the long run it is well worth it, and I wouldn’t change any of it now as it led us to our son.

By bellamomma

September 13, 2006 01:37 PM | Link to this

parent of 4, please tell me what arm you are talking about. we are wanting to add two little ones to our family in the next few years and wish to adopt at least one of them, but we can’t spend $40,000 to do it. We can afford to raise them but not buy them! (that was not an insult to anyone).

While I have never had fertility problems, I understand the frustration. That is one of the biggest reasons abortion p** me off. There are families who would pay $40,000 to get a baby and girls in our country are killing them everyday!

as for the adoption vs ifv arguement I can see both sides. I think it really depends on the person. I don’t think I would feel any difference in a biological child and an adopted one.

By bellamomma

September 13, 2006 01:42 PM | Link to this

imokwithit, most women don’t have kids to fulfill some duty. It is a lot more spiritual than that. And i think if a woman wants to give birth than no one should look down their noses at what ever treatments she may persue.

By frank123

September 13, 2006 02:06 PM | Link to this

We tried infertilty for about 4 years and we had my son. We then went to China and adopted a little girl. We are both asian so she looks like us. Both procedures (infertility and adoption) were about $20-$30,000. Love both kids dearly.

By Tina

September 13, 2006 02:13 PM | Link to this

I don’t think that Kevin Federline actually THINKS, but that’s another blog another day.

My husband had varicocele that had to be treated surgically before we were able to get pregnant. I had to go through a hysto-salpingogram (I’m sure I’m not spelling this correctly) before anyone figured out it was my husband’s problem. It frustrated me that the assumption was that it was my problem and that I had to go through the invasive rigamarole first (step one for a man: a magazine, a cup and a little handiwork). Our friends at Reproductive Biology Associates were very helpful and supportive.

I also found it very useful to read “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weschler. I charted my periods for a good number of months while we were unsuccessful and it helped me figure out quickly when we were finally having success. It gave me a record of what was going on with my cycle each month that I could share with my doctor.

I have friends who have gone though pretty much every scenario possible: AI, IVF, Adoption both international and domestic. It’s not always easy, but as my friend who adopted two after years of nonspecified infertility says, “I wanted to be a mother more than I wanted to be pregnant.”

By PHR

September 13, 2006 02:36 PM | Link to this

I have struggled with infertility for 11 years. My husband and I married and tried for 8 years before we ended up adopting our son (who I love dearly and was meant to be my son). I still feel the urge to try and get pregnant and have a child naturally. I am about to be 35 and seeing a reproductive specialist. It is all very hard for me when I see my friends conceive exactly when they want to and have as many kids as they want to time after time. I think the best thing for me is having a very supportive husband. We talk about anything and everything and he is also very open to trying different avenues.

Adopting our son has made the struggles easier. If nothing else parenting him takes my mind off of my obsession with getting pregnant. I personally think that any adoption is wonderful whether through foster care, DFACS, private adoption, international, or whatever. All of those kids deserve to have parents that love them.

By Been There

September 13, 2006 02:56 PM | Link to this

Tina, not only is it wrong, it’s also pretty unusual. Most docs will check the man first, for the reasons you gave. So further advice is that is the dr. insists they probe around inside you (the woman) before ever asking for a sample of that which exits a man so painlessly…. find another dr.!

By hdtlily

September 13, 2006 03:26 PM | Link to this

Parent of 4, Please pass on to the rest of us what you know about the appropriate agency arm of DFACS. All of the bureaucracy can be intimidating, so any inside info you can provide is appreciated.

By Tina

September 13, 2006 03:46 PM | Link to this

@Beenthere, I did have an extenuating circumstance that made my (then) practitioner do what she did. I had a ruptured appendix and spent six days in the hospital earlier that year and she wanted to make sure that the infection I’d had didn’t make it’s way into my fallopian tubes (I was near sepsis). But, if that hadn’t been the case, it would indeed have been wrong to be invasive with me first.

By Sarafina

September 13, 2006 04:15 PM | Link to this

I had to do two cycles of IUI in order to conceive our second child. We got pregnant with the first baby on the first try and we are now expecting our third, whom we also had no trouble conceiving. I have no idea why it was a struggle to get the second one, it just was, but it gave me a small glimpse of what infertile couples go through. Everyone who is struggling with infertility has my deepest sympathies. I know it must be very painful, to say the least. To address to fellow who complained about unworthy louts who pop out babies as easily as chewing gum, I know it is sad and unfortunate but life is so unfair sometimes and nature so cruel. Keep in mind that most of these people who seem so unloving and undeserving of a child usually start reproducing when they are very young and very fertile. It is one of life’s harsh lessons that playing a waiting game with procreation can lead to many difficulties. I know there are many couples who are infertile at even young ages but for most fertility takes the first nosedive at age 30 and declines sharply from there. Those who wait to start their families after age 30 are indeed taking their chances but there are so many options out there these days and many couples who, say 30 years ago, would have never been able to conceive can do so these days with help. Good luck to all!

By Soul

September 13, 2006 04:29 PM | Link to this

IMOKWITHIT, I am so glad that you are content with your life. You are blessed to have that kind of peace. Others are not so lucky and others have a deep and abiding need and desire to be parents and there is nothing wrong with people like that persuing all avenues in order to bring a child into their lives. We are all different, don’t judge so harshly. Speaking as a mother, I can tell you that I don’t feel in the least tied down by my children. We go to restaurants, take wonderful vacations and do tons of fun things as a family. Having children has enriched life’s experiences for us, not encumbered them. Granted I can’t jet off to Vegas on a whim, my kids are in school and need me, but I don’t think I would be doing that even if I didn’t have kids. So you see, it is all very personal and different for each person. Some, like you, may feel tied down by children, others not as much. Personally, I wouldn’t trade all the wild, free vacations in the world for joy of being a parent and all the responsibilities that come with it. Different strokes, as they say.

By Unique Way of Dealing

September 13, 2006 05:24 PM | Link to this

My husband and I both have obstacles that prevent a pregnancy. We were older when we married 35 and 36 and neither of us had been married before. We tried a few of the tests and he had surgery to help the situation. After a couple of tests of my own that showed I was past prime age, we chose to adopt. That process was so lenghty and expensive that it’s no wonder there are so many kids needing homes. Who has 5 years to wait for a child?

I am now in my 50s and simi retired. My solution for dealing with the absence of a child is to substitute teach. I have chosen middle school because these kids would be approximately/slightly younger than my own kids had we of started a family after 5 years.

This has been the most rewarding experience I have ever imagined. About the time the kids wear thin on my nerves the school bus comes and takes them home. Some of the kids who are 15 and can start working I have offered to help them put together a good resume. Some kids I have offered homework help. I am actually at the same schools a lot. Hardly a day goes by without some child wanting to hang with me during homeroom or bus call. I never dreamed that being a substitute could be this rewarding. I go home in the afternoons pumped up because I feel loved and appreciated. This has been my way of dealing with not having my own child.

By Concerned

September 13, 2006 06:52 PM | Link to this

Haven’t read most of the comments on here yet, and this is somewhat off-topic, but I can’t think of anyone else to ask. A friend of mine recently lost a full-term baby to something called an acute fetal hemmorhage. I feel absolutely terrible for her and her husband; goes without saying. Has anyone experienced/heard about this term, and could you tell me/us a little about what it is, how it comes about, and maybe the best way I can show my friend support (she lives out of town, so we don’t see each other much, so communication is mainly phone and email, if that makes a difference in your response) without coming off as insensitive? Thanks; I feel so awful for her for this loss! Also am worried about my own future pregnancy(ies), since obviously this wasn’t something she was anticipating throughout the pregnancy. Cheers!

By LB

September 14, 2006 06:17 AM | Link to this

To Concerned.

I went on “Ask Jeeves” and didn’t find much. There was one person asking a similar question to yours and a doctor replied. I’m not sure what he means by VBAC but the response looked like one that might be encouraging. I am cutting and pasting his response. The full correspondence is on this site:

http://forums.obgyn.net/womens-health/WHF.0108/0542.html

William D. McIntosh, MD, FACOG

By angeleyes

September 14, 2006 07:00 AM | Link to this

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 3 years. I was able to become pregnant on my own but lost miscarried after 8 weeks. We recently went through IVF and became pregnant again. Unfortunately, we miscarried again at 4 weeks.

It has been difficult and heartbreaking. However, my husband and I made the decision to continue trying 1 last time. Although the heartbreak is there, we have grown closer in our marriage. I don’t look at this experience in any negative light. The financial obligation does not bother either of us in the least. What we spend on our attempt to have a child was better spent than upgrading to a new luxury car or the latest, greatest wide screen t.v.

I feel seeking medical assistance is not unnatural. The very essence of me and my husband are joined just as if we were coupled together in our home. I feel that God is in control in either case. I truly feel that medical assistance is a blessing by God to those who struggle with a situation that they may not have been intended to endure. Infertility can be forced upon you and not just your “lot in life.” If we cannot conceive through medical assistance, we have chosen not to adopt. I have 10 nieces and nephews who have great parents but are not blessed with a lot of money. We will dedicate all of our time that sometimes their parents fall a little short of providing, along with any financial assistance. In either case, I know I will be at peace with our decisions.

By parent of 4

September 14, 2006 08:17 AM | Link to this

bellamomma - there are some nonprofit organizations that work with DFACS that typically get the children first straight from the hospital. Try Families First.

By I Know This One!

September 14, 2006 08:17 AM | Link to this

VABC= Vaginal Birth After Cesarean

By H

September 14, 2006 09:29 AM | Link to this

I did a cross racial adoption 5 years ago thru a private agency. Two years later I was blessed with my biological daughter. My adoption process took 8 months and I came home with a 16 day old little AA boy. As he would say, “I look like chocolate”. He does ask why we are not the same color and why his baby sister is the same as mom. I just tell him “that’s how God made you”. I fully support cross racial adoptions. The color of ones skin does not make a child any less of a child. I adopted a baby, not a color.

Why is cross adoption hard for some races to accept? I still get looks when I am out and about with my kids. My son calls me “mom” (as he should) and I get glares from people of all races.

By Carol

September 14, 2006 09:53 AM | Link to this

When I saw the title of this blog I said I wasn’t even going to read - much less respond …but, here I am. At 21 I was told I would never get pregnant unless I went the fertility drug route. I came to terms with this by accepting myself as I was. Take the cards life deals you - get over it and move on. Our attitudes stem a lot from the choices we make. We can choose to obsess and be miserable about what we lack - or we can be thrilled with what we do have.

By Carol

September 14, 2006 10:11 AM | Link to this

When I saw the title of this blog I said I wasn’t even going to read - much less respond …but, here I am. At 21 I was told I would never get pregnant unless I went the fertility drug route. I came to terms with this by accepting myself as I was. Take the cards life deals you - get over it and move on. Our attitudes stem a lot from the choices we make. We can choose to obsess and be miserable about what we lack - or we can be thrilled with what we do have.

By Theresa

September 14, 2006 11:37 AM | Link to this

Hey H — You don’t have to adopt to have kids that don’t look like you — my husband is half-asian and is considerably darker skinned than I am (I am a pale Irish girl). Our daughter takes after him — she is very olive and has Filipino features — when she was 2 she loved to yell at the mall and say no — i worried people would think I was kidnapping her — I was thrilled when I finally got a YMCA ID for my kids because at least I could prove they were mine.

By Joyce

September 14, 2006 01:49 PM | Link to this

Carol, try to put yourself in someone else’s skin for a minute. Imagine you’ve been trying for quite a while to get pregnant. As far as you know at that point, everything’s ok biologically with you. When you finally do get pregnant, you miscarry before you’ve even been to your first OB appt. After that, you go through surgery for uterine fibroids you didn’t even know were there until the miscarriage. After going through all of that, you decide to try some further treatments, since the surgery should have resolved the problems. Every month, you’re on pins and needles, then the big letdown that it failed to happen again. Sure, most women eventually “get over it” and move on for the most part, but it takes a little while to get to that point. Let me tell you, I was really PO’d at God for a while! Two years ago, we adopted a fabulous little boy from Guatemala and couldn’t be happier. As another poster said, it’s more about being a mom than being pregnant, when all’s said and done. That’s my attitude now, but it takes a while to get there, OK?

By Joyce

September 14, 2006 01:53 PM | Link to this

I also wanted to add that while the end result, our son, is one of the things in life that makes me the most happy, I really wish I hadn’t had to go through all the pain to get here!

By Carol

September 14, 2006 06:53 PM | Link to this

Joyce - the point is - we choose to be angry at God - and make ourselves miserable in the process. Guess some people need to go through that process to really appreciate what they end up with - whether it’s a child or not. I just never saw the productivity in being angry and miserable over something I had no control over.

By bellamomma

September 18, 2006 11:59 AM | Link to this

parentof4, thank you so much! I am really excited about this possibilty. I am open to the idea of adopting an older child but because I have kids already and I know a lot of these kids have emotional problems I am a little nervous.