MOMania

By Joe Camp

July 25, 2006 07:44 AM | Link to this

A “push present”??!! Metal and jewels??!! No, I gave myself. I was there. All three times. Right in the delivery room. Giving my hand. Shouting encouragement. Even after the pushing and the screaming and the crying and the sleepless nights…I am still there, as a Father. Every. Single. Day.

We, as a family, are shedding the materialistic financial holocaust that is bankrupting this nation. My wife agrees, our time and experiences together -and financial security that comes from simple living- are worth more than gold or jewels. One simple, heartfelt gift is worth more than all the crap in the Taj Mahal. Christmas, birthdays, and our Anniversary are all handled this way. Better to create a Night to Remember than to charge an expensive tiny trinket.

A “push present! Geez!

By valerie

July 25, 2006 08:12 AM | Link to this

A “push present”??? The baby is the “present” for both parents. Save the money spent on a “push present” on something for the family.
I agree with Joe, people get a grip on what’s more important.

By anne

July 25, 2006 08:23 AM | Link to this

ONLY gold or diamonds for the agony (not to mention stretch marks) of giving up martinis and tennis games with the girls for ten whole months? Oh my gosh, NO! I got more than jewelry – I got my custom-made Ford Expedition with tinted windows, plus a housekeeper (can’t expect me to clean up the McMansion while I have the full-time job of turning on Tivo and driving these kids around to their 12 millionth activity…oops …I mean caring for the kids). Having kids (and droning on and on about how great they are at every opportunity) takes up so much energy! I’m so tired these days that I exact a price every time I have to do some silly “chore” around the house. Taking out the trash = a trip to the mall. Cleaning up on the day the housekeeper isn’t here = a ½ day at the spa. Or sometimes I just seethe in silence until my husband feels guilty and buys me something. We girls have to stand up for our rights!!!

By Renee

July 25, 2006 08:26 AM | Link to this

This is the most ridiculous concept I’ve ever heard of!!! Don’t have a child for the love, have it to get some bling!!!

Any real mother would be offended by this and would not be interested. I can just hear the conversation with your daughter ten years from now: “Well, honey, I wasn’t sure I wanted to have a child but when your daddy tempted me with that diamond necklace, I said hell yeah baby - knock me up!”

Face it - women are the only ones who can bear a child. Accept it as a fact of life and get over it. Requiring a payment to do this is insulting. Truth is, most planned children are born because the woman wants the child more (in general) than the man does.

Any woman who wants a payment for delivering a baby doesn’t deserve to have that child - they obviously aren’t in it for the love (which is sorely needed).

By Renee

July 25, 2006 08:28 AM | Link to this

This is the most ridiculous concept I’ve ever heard of!!! Don’t have a child for the love, have it to get some bling!!!

Any real mother would be offended by this and would not be interested. I can just hear the conversation with your daughter ten years from now: “Well, honey, I wasn’t sure I wanted to have a child but when your daddy tempted me with that diamond necklace, I said hell yeah baby - knock me up!”

Face it - women are the only ones who can bear a child. Accept it as a fact of life and get over it. Requiring a payment to do this is insulting. Truth is, most planned children are born because the woman wants the child more (in general) than the man does.

Any woman who wants a payment for delivering a baby doesn’t deserve to have that child - they obviously aren’t in it for the love (which is sorely needed).

By Rod

July 25, 2006 08:30 AM | Link to this

If you don’t think the baby is present enough for all that anguish and pain, then you shouldn’t be a mother to begin with.

By Theresa

July 25, 2006 08:31 AM | Link to this

Renee - to be clear I never got any presents at all other than a bow on my mailbox and a green plant for each baby — that they would hopefully have as adults(pretty normal fare.)

I said I did know some girls that got jewelry, although I had not heard that term until this year.

By Renee

July 25, 2006 08:36 AM | Link to this

Theresa, I was not attacking you personally: just the concept.

By Theresa

July 25, 2006 08:37 AM | Link to this

good to know - people are using a lot of “yous” which sound like me -

By Rod

July 25, 2006 08:40 AM | Link to this

Same here (easier to say you than a woman).

By kevmoor

July 25, 2006 09:16 AM | Link to this

That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard of… a push present…come on! I would consider our new home and nice convenient things for my wife and kids to enjoy a push present, but to give or buy your wife expensive jewelry to have a kid is ridiculous…..only in America!!!!!

By catlady

July 25, 2006 09:47 AM | Link to this

Well, I got a plant for the first one and nothing for numbers 2 and 3. By this scale, after 23-25 hours of labor and 10 pound babies, I should have had more than a broken tailbone, stitches in the hemmorohoids, a bladder infection, etc. Oh, and since the anesthetic with procaine (or whatever it was) doesn’t work on me, he wanted to know why I was “fussing so much.” But no bling for me.

By Steve

July 25, 2006 10:10 AM | Link to this

If you must have something, how about taking that five, ten, or fifteen grand and investing it to pay for your new baby’s education?

Oh yes - the husbands (likely as dumb as a bag of hammers) who are buying “pushing presents” likely don’t have enough cash to do so, therefore it goes on the credit card like everything else.

Only the most gold-digging tramp would demand a “pushing present.”

Payment for being blessed with a child? The very idea is revolting.

By abc

July 25, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this

What an offensive concept. Do you plan topics that are offensively inflammatory to generate more blog traffic, Theresa? Your topics lately don’t reflect very positively upon you. This used to be about fun, now it’s about self-obsessed moms. Momania, indeed.

By So Don't Push

July 25, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this

Well now I’ve heard it all! A present for giving birth? Flowers and a big kiss are the only present necessary - that and helping out with the housework a little.

Geez - so if your hubby doesn’t buy you a present, what’s the alternative - not pushing? Go ahead - give that a try.

By nikki

July 25, 2006 10:31 AM | Link to this

Nothing personal against you Theresa, but as a woman I am tired of women using birth and other things for bling. Women who are that materialistic shouldn’t get married and/or have children. Marriage is a partnership. Do you get a present when you poop? I mean, really………….

By Renee

July 25, 2006 10:31 AM | Link to this

I like that So Don’t Push, let’s see some woman not push until she gets her present!!

By Rod

July 25, 2006 10:33 AM | Link to this

Nicki, if someone did get a present for pooping, I bet it’d be a crappy present!

By singlemom

July 25, 2006 10:42 AM | Link to this

I got the BEST “push present” - a divorce!!! Got the house and everything in it (including a Warranty Deed so it couldn’t be sold out from under me), an IRA account I had no idea about, and the most beautiful child any mother could ask for. Although I wasn’t expecting any of the presents, things just worked out that way. Thank you ex-hubby. Hope you are happy - I sure am!!!!!

By elizabeth

July 25, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

My gosh people need to lighten up! You get something nice to celebrate the birth of a new life and shame on you, how could you be THAT materialistic, blah blah blah. Apparently I am missing what is so incredibly offensive about this. It is about more than another gift, it is symbolic. My husband bought me something nice which will actually end up being my daughter’s one day. Say what you want, but I think that is pretty neat and my guess is that she will think so too when it belongs to her. I wear it every day and it is very special to me, not because of what it is but because of the event it represents.

By singledad

July 25, 2006 10:48 AM | Link to this

singlemom,

maybe if you hadn’t pushed out the UPS guy’s baby, you’d have an intact family and your children would have a shot at a decent future

as it is, whore’s like you ruin families and doom our children to substandard lives and lowered expectations

By workingmom

July 25, 2006 10:48 AM | Link to this

I hate to comment with all the accusations that I am bling loving, materialistic, and not a real mother, but what the heck. I encouraged the concept of jewelry from my hubby when my kids were born. Nothing extravagant, but something to mark the occasion. When my daughter was born, knowing it was going to be a girl, I requested a ring. I wanted the opportunity to give it to her on her 18th birthday along with the story behind it that I was given it on her birthday. They already know which pieces are “theirs” and love it when they see me wearing them.

By Richard

July 25, 2006 10:51 AM | Link to this

Right on Joe Camp! (first comment in thread)

Bravo for standing up for Dads & Moms and families and for speaking out against rampant materialism.

By scv

July 25, 2006 10:56 AM | Link to this

Wow, guess this topic can rile some folks up. I received a present from my husband after the birth of our son, but I never viewed it as racking up bling or an entitlement for services rendered. He found a relatively small baby shoe pendant with some light blue, gold, and a few small diamonds. Maybe cost $300. It was unexpected, but a nice gesture that he wanted to commemorate the event with something that I will always wear and maybe pass along to my son or daughter for their big event someday. But I also had a present I planned to give my husband, so not just the ladies can get a “push present.” My father had died 5 years earlier, so I had been saving his Rolex (gasp, the materialism!) watch to pass along to my husband for this event.

Nice comments in above posts: “Any real mother would be offended by this” “If you don’t think the baby is present enough for all that anguish and pain, then you shouldn’t be a mother to begin with.”

Maybe people should save their righteous indignation for their own issues and stop worrying or caring about what others choose to do, even if silly or extravagant.

By Chad

July 25, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this

I agree with workingmom, I gave a present, my wife wanted a certain pair of earrings for a long time, they were 150 bucks, which I think is a lot lower than what we’re talking about in this column, but the fact that I give them to my wife on this occasion makes them infinitely valuable to her, and that’s what makes the present special……..she always reminds me when she wears jewelry of WHEN I gave it to her, so I didn’t hesitate to get her something to mark the occasion since I knew she’d value whatever I gave her like it was priceless.

I guess that’s different, but if she wanted me to buy a 10k ring or truck or something and was expecting it, that’d definitely ruin it for me. If that makes other couples happy though I’m not knocking it, just our thing……

Singlemom, singledad, real classy stuff there.

By singlemom

July 25, 2006 10:59 AM | Link to this

Singledad - oh my you are way off base. Mr. Wonderful neglected to inform me he didn’t want kids, and left when I was 7 months pregnant.
I have a wonderful life and I am not a whore as you put it. I have devoted my life to raising a very well-adjusted young lady, who is in high school, gets straight A’s, isn’t on drugs or running with the wrong crowd. I have not paraded numerous “uncles” in front of her, I put my life on hold to raise MY child.
I notice you posted as Singledad - Maybe it was your whore of a wife who run off the the UPS guy.

By will

July 25, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

The nature of the article was not presenting symbolic, heartfelt family heirlooms at a childs birth. Noone can find fault with that. The nature of the article was blatant, self-centered materialism, pay for pain. That is offensive, as it should be, to alot of parents. The child is the gift and should be the cingular focus of that day and forward.

By singledad

July 25, 2006 11:11 AM | Link to this

snglemom,

maybe you should have discussed kids before you shtuped one another… ever thought of that you selfish whore? no, you just wanted some sex and consequences be damned…

my wife died of cancer last year - she and i discussed children before we married, had two, and now i am raising them on my own

you on the other hand made selfish choices that your daughter will pay for for the rest of her life, straight As notwithstanding… will she ever be able to have a successful relationship with a man? probably not as your bitter posts indicate you’ve become something of a man-hater/self-loather… why’d you “put your life on hold” as you put it? why maker her the center of your universe? you cling to her like she’s some sort of god on earth, don’t you… you constantly praise her for insignificant things to ensure she has some “self-esteem” or some such nonsense… you’ve raised a dependant being and your inability to function without her will result in you both becoming lonely old shrews - no men, no friends, just cats…

By della

July 25, 2006 11:13 AM | Link to this

Well, give me something good I can pawn for diapers and formula, will ya?

By OldSchool

July 25, 2006 11:18 AM | Link to this

My mom gave me the gift of one week to help me and my husband with our first child. Because he had to return to work (we didn’t have any insurance at that time), she stayed with us to encourage and support me as I learned to become a real mom. Her help was perfect because she “disappeared” from time to time to let me solo and stepped in only when we called upon her.

We were able to give that same gift of one week to our daughter and son-in-law when they asked for our help following the birth of their beautiful son. We let them tell us what they needed and we did just that. When it was obvious that both new parents desparately needed a really good night’s sleep, we took charge of the baby completely for the entire night.

For this kind of gift to work, the grandparents must learn to take a backseat and just be there when needed. It is tempting to step in when things get tough but every new parent must develop his & her own “bag of tricks.” We were there when things got overwhelming (and to help keep up with burgeoning laundry!).

We must have done it right because our relationship with all three is a very close, loving one…even with us 250 miles away. We get to be the grands who are called to come look after a sick baby or to give the parents a night out on the town. And THAT, my dear cyber-friends, is a gift that keeps on giving for both young parents and grands!

By SJ

July 25, 2006 11:18 AM | Link to this

I see nothing wrong with a husband presenting his wife with a gift upon the birth of their child (or wife presenting hubby with a gift). Who cares! I am sure that has been going on for years and years. But to put a name on it, push present, and parade it around like it is now expected and required is absurd! If you have to ask for it, it is not a gift. I prefer to receive gifts from my husband, when he chooses to give them. They come from the heart. I don’t want him to present me something out of obligation.

By Bobby Elrod

July 25, 2006 11:20 AM | Link to this

I bought my wife a mother-daughter ring. Was a traditional thing since her mother wears the same thing. The rings are destined to be bequeathed to the daughter in each case when the mother passes. Neither is worth too much, but more of a tradition thing. When our son was born, I bought a mini-van, as we officialy outgrew the mid-size sedan at that point.

By Rod

July 25, 2006 11:24 AM | Link to this

Some people are getting way off track here. The point of the post is not innocent little gifts, but rather serious gifts that are almost a “payoff.” Anything under a few hundred bucks is not meant as the topic here.

By nikki

July 25, 2006 11:25 AM | Link to this

Singlemom, Singledad - you need to be in timeout. Singlemom, I am sorry that you feel that life has shafted you, singledad I am sorry for your loss and that you are taking it out on singlemom. Please get a hold of yourself and back on topic.

I retract my statement. If someone gives something unexpected and out of love, that’s nice.

Please don’t let us make this about attacking each other. I just can’t stand seeing people hurt each other.

By Rob

July 25, 2006 11:28 AM | Link to this

Isn’t the child a gift enough for both the mother and the father. You should be glad that you were able to have kids and were blessed with that “present”. My wife and I have been happily married for 10yrs but will probably have to resort to alternate methods to have a child. People nowadays take child birth (and eventually the raising of that child) for granted.

It’s absolutely ridiculous to think that some women would want a present just for having the child.

By Chris

July 25, 2006 11:32 AM | Link to this

I agree..presents for having a child are a joke. Some of the younger women (teens and early 20s) walk around showing off their little @#$% trophies. That trophy is their present. I particularly am fascinated with the ones without a partner. Heck, it’s just a tax deduction I guess.

By R U Serious?

July 25, 2006 11:41 AM | Link to this

singledad, why are you being so combative? Forget about singlemom’s view of men, she actually didn’t say anything negative about men. (and nikki, she says that she has a wonderful life) You are on a mom’s blog, calling women degrading names. Why?

Push presents are nothing new, they have just been given a trendy name. Many husbands give their wives something, even if it’s just a new gown or slippers to wear in the hospital. And well-wishers bring gifts for the baby and the mother. Requiring a certain type of gift may be questionable, but the concept of celebrating a birth? What’s wrong with that?

By will

July 25, 2006 11:45 AM | Link to this

I just checked in with my wife of 25 years to get the input of a mother of 3. Not only was she offended by the concept, she was offended by the article itself. Very tacky, very self-involved. We agreed that in our case, the days surronding the births of our children were the most intimate and loving days of our 25 years. To sully that with anything other that a humble, symbolic keepsake or modest gesture would have been sickening (literally) and tacky.

By singledad

July 25, 2006 11:53 AM | Link to this

R U,

she called her divorce her present

somehow equating failure with joy is twisted and wrong

no need to be ashamed nor is there any call to be proud

if there were a single dad blog i’d be there but since the tyranny of motherhood that runs the parenting world runs the blog, here is where i choose to voice my opinion - deal with it or ignore me, i don’t care which

mom’s in general are great, the nasty and proud to have failed crowd irks me and will continue to do so

By anita

July 25, 2006 11:55 AM | Link to this

Geez, almost sounds like a form of prostitution to me….

By nikki

July 25, 2006 11:57 AM | Link to this

ru serious - everyone can post here unless our illustrious government has gotten involved and made it mom’s only. It is good to have both parents opinions. Singlemom’s past post make her sound like she is vindictive and sporting her status as a badge of honor. That’s okay, but not everyone wants to hear it over and over, obviously singledad didn’t Maybe they were both having a bad day. Perhaps you should go referee a soccer game…………….

By SJ

July 25, 2006 12:03 PM | Link to this

Singledad, keep on posting. I enjoy reading your comments and welcome the male perspective.

By mom3boys

July 25, 2006 12:06 PM | Link to this

My husband brought me flowers with each birth. The last one came with a card and a note that I’ll never forget: Thank you for giving me 3 sons. I love you.

By scv

July 25, 2006 12:06 PM | Link to this

Funny if you transfer some of the arguments to other gift giving occasions. Why should we get birthday presents just because we existed another year. We should be thankful just to be around. Heck, its a lot easier being born than giving birth but we get gifts (expected and often directed)every year for it, not just at the event itself. And how ‘bout the motherlode of births, Jesus. Mary gave birth some 2000 years ago yet that’s one of the biggest repeated examples of materialism in our culture. Talk about push presents in perpetuity. Tis the season! :-)

By proud mother

July 25, 2006 12:08 PM | Link to this

The article CLEARLY states “Do diamonds reduce the pain of giving birth?” and “Did you get a pricey present for pushing out your baby?”. This topic and some of the comments are truly appalling. Children are a blessing, not merchandise! I understand the sentimental gifts that are mentioned by some, but the article focuses on “pricey gifts” (ie, diamonds). The true gift, i think, is seeing that my husband and i created a living, breathing, beautiful being (3 to be exact) that is our responsibility to nurture and love for LIFE. The gift is seeing the kids learn new words, taking first steps, watching the baby sleep at night, the list goes on. Our children are the “push presents”. This just reflects how society has evolved and now love or appreciation is measured by material things. My husband gave me the most wonderful gift of his presence in the delivery room, comforting me. Some women have never had that luxury or the luxury of having fathers in the lives of their kids on a daily basis. Children are not a means to get rewards or trophies of the occasion and i feel sorry for the children whose mother’s expect or hint at “pricey gifts”.

By singlemom

July 25, 2006 12:22 PM | Link to this

I sure don’t know how people read “vindictiveness” into posts. I never bashed men, I don’t hate men. I don’t even hate my ex husband, I thank him for leaving when he did. My ex and I talked about having kids, we talked about having alot of kids, but he was not being honest with me, or his first wife, or his subsequent wives after me. He chose the coward’s way out, with each and every wife and child. If he didn’t want kids, why did he talk of having alot? Why didn’t he tell his wives? I don’t hate him. I stated I have wonderful life. I have a very warm and loving family, all located in the same town, I have just recently purchase my second home. I have wonderful life, and beautiful home, fabulous job that I have been at for 14 years, super friends, a nice vehicle, and I travel three to four times a year with family and friends. Where in there do you read unhappiness or bitterness?

As for putting my life on hold - how could anyone possibly think that was selfish? I gave up dating in order for me to concentrate on giving my child a good life. I didn’t leave her alone at night, or party my butt off. She is my responsiblity and I GLADLY accept it. I am VERY proud of my accomplishments, more so because I did it myself. If that sounds bitter, well then I don’t know what to say. Maybe you are just jealous I am so successful in life.

By nikki

July 25, 2006 12:31 PM | Link to this

Fine you did it yourself. Don’t punish us with the I/me when we talk about our husbands being loving. Surely we can talk about a subject without it getting back to how you sacrificed and that your ex wasn’t honest.

By chad

July 25, 2006 12:31 PM | Link to this

Why can’t weeeee beeee friends?

Why can’t weeeee beeee friends?

Why can’t weeee beee friends?

Why can’t weee BEEEE FRIENDS?

By MommyToATwoYearOld

July 25, 2006 12:34 PM | Link to this

I didn’t know they were called “push presents,” per se, but yes, I did get one. I received a bracelet and necklace from Tiffany. The bracelet has my son’s name and date of birth engraved on it. The necklace has his monogram. I love them both.

By Elane

July 25, 2006 12:36 PM | Link to this

Closest I ever heard to this was the story of a man whose wife didn’t want more than one child. He wanted a second very much and took out a large home equity loan to have the house renovated to her specs. That was her “price” for a second child. Don’t know for sure if it’s true - could have been just office gossip, but that’s the story that goes around.

By meadows

July 25, 2006 12:43 PM | Link to this

Why is it that whenever some present is made up, it’s always for women? Not saying it’s not deserved, but it seems like a real one way street to me. Anniversaries are more about women, certainly valentine’s day is, push presents…….I’m making up something so men get some props every once in a while.

How about ‘Papa Presents’? I’m tired of stuff being made up for women only.

By will

July 25, 2006 12:49 PM | Link to this

What I would love to see is the divorce rate associated with the young couples involved in these “push presents”. Sounds like a house of straw.

By cgatlanta

July 25, 2006 12:54 PM | Link to this

I don’t have a problem with giving your wife a present. If you can afford it, give it. (When it’s expected, that’s another issue)

To me, it’s the term “push present” that is the problem. It’s demeaning.

By ViVi

July 25, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this

I don’t see anything wrong with receiving a symbolic token on the day a child is born. My mom received a ring when I was born and it was given to me on my 18th b’day. I cherish it to this day. However, the name “Push Present” grosses me out….sounds like something you would receive after a BM.

By MommyToATwoYearOld

July 25, 2006 01:00 PM | Link to this

Will -

I am the recepient of a so-called “push present”, but I not young nor is my house made of straw. I am in my late 30’s and my husband is in his late 40’s. He could afford to buy me a present and he wanted to. It was not expected - but was and is appreciated.

I think your generalizations are a bit off base.

By HL

July 25, 2006 01:05 PM | Link to this

My husband gave me a very nice necklace which I wear everyday to commemorate the birth of our child. I also gave him a gift for the same reason. I wanted him to have some thing remember the event. He did too. Also, it didn’t go on a credit card. We both paid cash. I don’t see the big deal. Nothing was demanded or expected. We just did it. I know many women who have received a gift and it wasn’t out of obligation, but love for the other person.

By Shannon, M.Div.

July 25, 2006 01:09 PM | Link to this

I’m no parent, but it strikes me that cgatlanta is exactly right. There’s something sweet and lovely about a man who loves his wife and the mother of his children so much that he gives her a gift of jewelry to mark the joyous occasion. There’s something equally repulsive about a woman who demands a gift of jewelry from the father of her children (no matter what the occasion). Surely we can all agree on that, and cgatlanta is also right to note that the term “push present” is vulgar.

By Don

July 25, 2006 01:10 PM | Link to this

Just be thankful your husband didn’t give you a pearl necklace. Otherwise you may not have had a kid.

By Sexione

July 25, 2006 01:12 PM | Link to this

You all are a MESS!!!!!

I’m not sure whether to comment or run…..I just had to throw this in, though. I’m surprised that no one has mentioned hearing that Eddie Murphy did this with his wife….gave her $1M for each birth. Does anyone know of the specifics of this (or if it’s actually true?

…..now I’m running!!!!

By PHR

July 25, 2006 01:20 PM | Link to this

Sure seems like everyone has a strong opinion on this. Wow!

My brother gave his wife a piece of jewelry when each of his three children were born. I thought it was nice. It just commemorates the occasion and lets her know how much he loves the mother of his children. I have never heard the term “push present.” It sounds kind of weird.

By Mike K.

July 25, 2006 01:26 PM | Link to this

So if a husband doesn’t get his wife a gift he doesn’t love his wife as much as another husband who gives his wife something?

As an aside, this topic has shown again that the diamond industry has created the greatest marketing campaign in advertisment history.

By figured it out

July 25, 2006 01:29 PM | Link to this

So, the real reason for this blog is for moms to lambast the fathers of their children

By Steve

July 25, 2006 01:34 PM | Link to this

LMAO @ “figured it out.”

You’ve got it. It’s not enough for the husband to trek off to work for 60+ hours out of every week. Not only that, he also is expected to buy a “pricey present” when the couple is blessed with a child.

SAHMs - listen up. You are lucky. Incredibly lucky, and BLESSED to be able to stay home with your kids. I cannot stress enough how fortunate you are to have the opportunity to raise your kids rather than having a stranger in a day care center do so.

By Grandfather of 2

July 25, 2006 01:38 PM | Link to this

The article starts: Do diamonds reduce the pain of giving birth?” and “Did you get a pricey present for pushing out your baby?”. Getting paid for having a baby? Isn’t that called Surrogacy or being a surrogate mother these days? In reality I guess the line between the two is close. Any mother that would expect a gift and not consider the child the greatest gift shouldn’t be having her own children in the first place. Also, we tend to forget that without the male of the species there would be no child as there would be no seed to spawn that child. I would bet that this whole story and terminiology has it roots with some spolied little rich girl. Who pouted after having a baby until her rich hubby went to the local jewelry store to buy snookums a diamond necklace. One she could throw in the jelwelry box with the other dozen or so until the next time she pouts. It’s a ridiculous concept and it makes the gift of having chidren petty and selfish!

By dana

July 25, 2006 01:42 PM | Link to this

I feel compelled to post something, since it seems that the majority of people are rabidly anti ‘push presents.’ I now have a 16 month old son, my husband and I planned the pregnancy and were thrilled that he was on the way. Despite that, I did not enjoy being pregnant one bit. I was pretty miserable the whole time and I dropped plenty of hints that I wanted jewelry once I finally ‘got the baby out.’ I had an incredibly difficult labor, and after 28 hours of no progress but alot of agony, my Dr. agreed to a c-section and my husband gave me a beautiful diamond ring. Needless to say, after I held our son I realized the jewelry wasn’t necessary at all, but the fact that my husband spent many, many hours searching for the perfect gift, just because he knew it was important to me, means so much.

I think that sometimes it is easy for a husband to forget how difficult being pregnant and giving birth is. Again, having a child is better than the most expensive piece of jewelry, hands down, but I think it is an incredibly thoughtful gesture for a husband to give a gift in appreciation for what his wife has been through.

By figured it out

July 25, 2006 01:43 PM | Link to this

Topic for tomorrow: Cooking a home made meal should be rewarded with bling

By Wookin' Pnub

July 25, 2006 01:43 PM | Link to this

I had never heard of such a thing. But, my brother-in-law gave my sister a “thank you for having my baby” present when my nephew was born. A pair of earrings that are X’s with diamonds on them…supposedly means love or something. It was also close to her own birthday…That is the only instance I’ve ever heard of a “push present”. For me personally, the joy of being blessed with a child, a healthy one to boot will be all the present I need.

By figured it out

July 25, 2006 01:46 PM | Link to this

@dana - if you were miserable the whole time during pregnancy, my sympathy goes to your husband.

By proud mother

July 25, 2006 01:55 PM | Link to this

Dana-

I agree with figured it out. You stated that it is an incredibly thoughtful gesture for a husabnd to give a gift in appreciation. Apparently, your husband only gave you a gift because of your numerous SELFISH HINTS at wanting jewelry once you got the baby out.

By mommyto2

July 25, 2006 01:58 PM | Link to this

single dad

so she is a whore who as failed as a mother because a man walked out on her and THEIR child? Hmmm… that doesn’t really make since. i am terribly sorry that your wife passed but you need so therapy for your anger.

i may be wrong but the way i read single mom’s post was more sarcastic than anything. she has raised her daughter alone because she and her ex did not have the same plans for life. it sucks that they didn’t discuss it but haven’t you ever made a mistake. it is a shame to see grown adults WITH children resort to foul name calling. what if, god forbid, your child winds up as a single parent due to a divorce? will he or she be a whore?

having said all that, when my daughter was born (i was at the time a single mother) my mother presented me with a small locket that her mother has given her. i do intend to pass it along to my daughter if she choses to be a mother when she grows up. when my son was born my husband gave me a single gold bangle that i will one day pass down to my daughter in law. i certainly did not feel entitled to the gifts and i would have been pleased just to have my beautiful family but it is so lovely to have these now family heirlooms to pass down. i wear both daily as a way to have my children with me always!

By First time

July 25, 2006 01:58 PM | Link to this

This is my first time to become a mom, I never thought it would happen. We have waited years to get to this point. A “push present” would just irk me. My husband makes sure everyday that I’m comfortable and feeling ok and he would do anything that I ask. What more could I possibly ask for? Sure presents are nice but to feel obligated to give one for having a baby is just silly to me. Maybe I’m just different or have out grown the want/need for stuff like that.

By Jesse's Girl

July 25, 2006 02:01 PM | Link to this

Push present huh? Interesting concept. I suppose my “push present” was having our insurance company pay every bit that our policy dictated. Also…I’d like to think that my 3 “push presents” were ( and continue to be ) a husband that witnessed the hellish miracle that is child birth and still continues to lust after me! Jewelry is lovely…but I’d rather have him!

By nikki

July 25, 2006 02:06 PM | Link to this

@all you anaconda princesses: How can you put a price on a gift from God?

By Greg

July 25, 2006 02:12 PM | Link to this

Dana, Get over yourself sweetie. Poor pitiful me. Just be glad you were able to get pregnant and you have a husband alongside. By the way, that labor you described is not that unusual. My wife works as a L&D nurse and that was quite typical as you descibed.

By just me

July 25, 2006 02:13 PM | Link to this

Wow. my hubby gave me earrings and a bracelet with our daughter’s birthstone that I am planning on giving to her. (Actually he said the bracelet was from her, a “thank you for getting me out of that place and into the big world” present.) He didn’t need to, and I didn’t ask. He claimed that he was so moved by the whole birthing experience and all that my body went through that he didn’t think that he could ever express in words how he felt after witnessing the birth. So he thought that he could give me something that when I wear it would remind me of how proud of me he was. I thought it was sweet. But honestly, the tears in his eyes when he held her the first time was plenty for me!

By dana

July 25, 2006 02:18 PM | Link to this

WOW! People sure can turn even the most thoughtful of gestures into something vicious. I was under the impression that this was a forum for different opinions, ideas, and points of view. Obviously I was wrong.

I know I will get more nasty comments about this, but I truly see it as no different than if a wife (or husband) drops hints about a particular birthday or Christmas gift. I fail to see how a gift is more ‘desrved’ on either of those days than it would be when you have spent 28 hours trying to push a 10 pound child out of your body.

Again, the son I gave birth to is better than any jewelry I could ever recieve. What meant so much is that my husband paid attention to something that was important to me, and went out of his way to make me happy.

AJC, thank you for attempting to set up an open-minded, mature discussion forum. Too bad it didn’t work out.

Let the insults begin!

By nikki

July 25, 2006 02:20 PM | Link to this

Dana, if you have to hint, then he was forced in to it. He probably does it to get you to shut up. I hope he isn’t around when you go through menapause.

By nikki

July 25, 2006 02:22 PM | Link to this

dana one more thing. You sound like you’re the only one who has ever been in labor that long or suffered. There are a lot tougher moms than you. Go whine somewhere princess

By Grandma

July 25, 2006 02:24 PM | Link to this

Yes, I got a great gift for “pushing out” my two kids…I got two healthy, great kids!

By Mom Said So

July 25, 2006 02:26 PM | Link to this

What’s next? A gift for the man for standing next to his wife/girlfriend urging her on? It’s what you’re SUPPOSED to do. Maybe they’ll give HIM a gift for “pushing” during conception…it’s just as ridiculous.

By anne

July 25, 2006 02:29 PM | Link to this

OK, I know I regularly mock the commentary here, but I must say (LISTEN UP AJC editors!!!) that this whole blog (once again) is ridiculous.

It is more than ridiculous – it is inane, silly, trite and stupid. The topics are your standard playground gossip “… ppsst! can you believe that so-and-so got a push present …what do you think about it?” And then everyone goes on to rant and rave and spout complete nonsense, arguing with total strangers and calling them names. What possible contribution does this make to our society, and to parenting?

Is this junk REALLY what moms are worried about? (not to mention Dads?) Or are there more serious concerns out there: three consecutive “code red” days in Atlanta, the situation in Lebanon, our failing educational system, etc.

WHEN is the AJC going to provide parents with a blog that addresses REAL-life concerns rather than insulting our intelligence with this trivial nonsense?

By Mother Goosed

July 25, 2006 02:33 PM | Link to this

Dana…I went through 36 hours of labor before having my 8 1/2 pound baby…by emergency C-section. I then had to have 3 blood transfusions afterwards. Did I get gifts for doing what I was supposed to do as a woman? Nope. Didn’t expect one…didn’t get one. That little red-faced, screaming bundle of joy was reward enough. To give a woman a gift for giving birth is absurd. Why not give the man something? He may not have the physical pains, but he has the same worries of “will my wife/girlfriend/child be ok?” A man feels total helplessness during the time of birth (per my ex-husband) and his worries and concerns are quite real. Who started this new trend? Hallmark? I can just see the gift-card attached now…”Congratulations on pushing your baby out”…or “So sorry you had to have a cesarean”. I have to laugh at this topic simply because it’s so ludicrous.

By K

July 25, 2006 02:34 PM | Link to this

I think scv and cgatlanta both make good points.

Frankly, whatever happened to people minding their own business? If a spouse wants to give a gift for whatever reason, then that’s between the two parties.

My godparents told me something very wise: “No one outside can ever understand the language within the circle of two.” Don’t go judging until you’ve walked a mile in that couple’s shoes.

By amused

July 25, 2006 02:36 PM | Link to this

anne, I made the same point yesterday, to no avail.

By Rob

July 25, 2006 02:37 PM | Link to this

Mother Goosed, You could not have said it better. Thanks.

By Mother Goosed

July 25, 2006 02:40 PM | Link to this

You’re welcome, Rob. ;-) As a mother of two, I listened to my husband. Maybe I’m a rarity…but his concerns were MY concerns. We talked it out, and I discovered that he was scared **less during the birth of his daughter and his son. I’d much rather be the one with the pain, etc. than the one standing there wondering what’s going on.

By Jesse's Girl

July 25, 2006 02:42 PM | Link to this

Hey Anne….unless someone is holding a gun to your head….you don’t have to visit our playground. You seem to continue to pop your head up just to stir the pot…spew venom..what have you. Perhaps you should give some thought to your own dull diatribe. Ever considered this……maybe this is a place where we can all come to escape the truly ugly and disgusting in this world. Life doesn’t always have to be so serious punkin’.

By i'm with jesse's girl

July 25, 2006 02:50 PM | Link to this

And the choir said AMEN

By Jen

July 25, 2006 02:54 PM | Link to this

Yes, yes & Yes! I got diamond & platinum bands for each of my 3 children. I wear them together on my right ring finger and will give them to each child on the occasion of their engagement to either use as a wedding band or as they choose.

By proud mother

July 25, 2006 02:54 PM | Link to this

Dana you say your husband paid attention to something that was important to you as the reason for hime getting you a ‘push present’. i find it very self serving and conceited that when experiencing the miracle of being pregnant and giving birth that all you could focus on was getting a diamond ring or piece of jewelry for YOUR so called inconvenience of being pregnant. There are women who can’t have children and would kill to be in your position and you are thinking about the size of ‘the rock’ you want and selfishly dropping hints to your husband. i am with Nikki, he did it to shut you up!

By figured it out

July 25, 2006 02:55 PM | Link to this

No avail? Don’t they do the political blog?

By Or better yet

July 25, 2006 02:57 PM | Link to this

If you don’t like the topics or believe the blog to be beneath you…write your own with topics you see as important. Why waste your time and effort typing in that you don’t like it? I’m not saying to stop posting because that is your right, however I hate to see anyone waste their time like that. There is pleanty of room on the net for another blog, go ahead and enrich our lives in another way.
Cheers!

By Kathy

July 25, 2006 02:57 PM | Link to this

I think it’s totally a personal choice but shouldn’t be forced. If a husband wants to buy a nice gift for his wife because he realizes her sacrifices(9 months of pregnancy plut child birth) then fine. As long as it’s done out of love and appreciation and not “pay off” or whatever then it’s fine. But he shouldn’t be obligated to do so. It shouldn’t become some kind of expected custom. I personally never got a present at the births of my three children and I really didn’t care. My husband was right there beside me through 1 emergency c-section and two planned sections. He reassured me when I was scared and stayed up all night with our oldest when I could barely keep my eyes open through all the medications. He woke me up to nurse the baby and helped me through it all. He stayed with me every night I was in the hosptial(thank goodness for Grandma!) and even stayed the night I was hospitilized for a bladder infection. That was my gift and it was the best one I have ever received, besides my three beautiful daughters. But that’s me and if another husband wants to say “I love you and thank” with a nice bracelt I don’t think it’s offensive, just a personal choice. I do think it’s a bit silly calling it a “push present”. If you have a c-section and don’t push does that mean you don’t get a gift?

By lynn

July 25, 2006 02:58 PM | Link to this

Gave you a gift to remember the event. Gosh, arn’t you reminded every day when forking out that hard earned cash just to feed & clothe them? Be simple, plant a tree and watch it grow with your child.

By Jen

July 25, 2006 02:59 PM | Link to this

I commented before reading the other comments…Good thing! I did have my children after battling infertility. I did not demand the gifts—they were freely given and they mean as much to me symbolically as the engagement & wedding rings on my other hand. Lighten up, folks and stop judging other people’s lives!

By mommyto2

July 25, 2006 03:02 PM | Link to this

Again, i may be wrong but i didn’t read Dana’s post as a whine! i felt she was trying to offer an explinantion as to why some men may WANT to give a (this is really a gross term) pushing present.

By is it me

July 25, 2006 03:07 PM | Link to this

Or have some of you missed the point that most of us think that its okay if a man give a present freely. It’s the whine factor and the “push” name that makes it sad.

By have mercy

July 25, 2006 03:07 PM | Link to this

I have a mental imagine of a woman that asks for a push present from her husband. She looks like Barbie in a Cadillac Escalade pulling out of a gated community wearing oversized diamonds with her designer tennis outfit after leaving the kids with the nanny.

By mwh

July 25, 2006 03:13 PM | Link to this

Again so funny! People get so riled up that someone else was given a gift for something that they think should be no big deal. Maybe to that couple it was something special and the husband wanted to give his wife a “thank you” for what she did go through. I was very excited when my husband gave me a present in the hospital - he too said it was from our newborn daughter. We very badly wanted to have a baby before conceiving, but that does not change the fact that I experienced pretty much every pregnancy side effect. Oh, not saying mine was worse just that he understood and wanted to say thanks. Besides, he had a designated driver the entire time I was pregnant - that alone deserves a giant thank you!!

By is it me

July 25, 2006 03:15 PM | Link to this

@mwh - here’s your sign

By mommyto2

July 25, 2006 03:17 PM | Link to this

well actually i drive an expidition but your close! ha ha ha, i am only kiding. i do drive the expidition but no gate, no nanny and just regular sized diamonds.(on my wedding ring). plus i didn’t ask or even hint around for my bracelet or locket. i do love tennis though…..

By mommyto2

July 25, 2006 03:21 PM | Link to this

mwh, i had forgotten about the DD factor of prenancy! LOL! that was ONE of my hubby’s favorite things about my pregnancy!

By be thankfull

July 25, 2006 03:25 PM | Link to this

Some of you recieving push gifts better hope hubby is still gift bearing when the little tykes grow up to be ungrateful brats that forget your birthday and mothers day but expect you to hand out the keys to the Escalade along with gas money.

By MOT

July 25, 2006 03:26 PM | Link to this

MOT= mother of ten. Actually I birthed 14, lost 4. We both desired a large family, 12 to be exact. With our first, my husband was jittery about going into labor and delivery with me, but dug up the courage and was there. After our oldest was born, my husband leaned down, kissed me and said this was incredible. I will be here always.

Because expenses are always tight with a large family, he expressed a desire to give me what I deserved, but there was really nothing on earth that is close to what I did in value. The next best thing that could express it was sweet, tender letters expressing gratitude and love written out thoughtfully after each birth and spending the first few hours with each one. These I share with each child at appropriate times and they get their own copy when they become a parent.

I agree the term push present is offensive for several reasons. It is sad that there are those out there who make the lovely gift and miracle of child birth into a materialistic event. I know there are those kind of people that do exist. But it does not surprise me. I respect those that lovingly give a gift to commemorate the event, whether it was the husband thinking of it all by himself, or the wife planning with the husband so that they have something that gets passed on to the child. Also remember there are a lot of really loving fathers/husbands out there who don’t think of these kinds of things, but if they had would be happy to give a loving gift whether it is a plant, hand written note, or jewelry to the woman he loves that just bore the brunt, descending to the valley of death to deliver their baby. And like some have said the best continuing gift is the father who is there, the father who goes to work all those hours every week to feed, shelter, clothe and educate the children, the father who shows his kids that he loves their mother. Those are gifts that are priceless and the best, most appropriate of all. Yes, they are supposed to be there, but as you read in the blog, you can’t always count on people, even those you think you know. So when life turns out well, yes, it is a gift!

By mwh

July 25, 2006 03:31 PM | Link to this

is it me - ?????

By be thankfull

July 25, 2006 03:33 PM | Link to this

@MOT, OMG! 14 births (sorry about the 2 losses). I think your the only one on here that truely deserves some push gifts. Not only w