MOMania

By Sabrina

July 21, 2006 02:17 PM | Link to this

Theresa,

I’m going to have to disagree with you. I am the mother of an 11 year old and I can’t stand environments where kids are out of control. My daughter is expected to behave quietly, when in public settings and I expect the same from the other children. Just because you are at the pool, mall or McDonalds, does not mean your child should talk loudly, scream and run around like idiots.

No one, should have to put up with excess loud noise, running and screaming in public.

I’m taking my daughter to Six Flags next weekend and she is expected to talk normally, DO NOT Run, shove/push - laughing is allowed - but not at an annoying level. It’s just an act of having respect for yourself and others, plain and simple.

By Mom

July 21, 2006 02:17 PM | Link to this

No, parents shouldn’t discipline their children to “make others comfortable”…they should do it so that their child learns the meaning of respect for others. I agree with some of what you are saying, but disagree with a lot of it. (Yes, I’m the mother of 2, and grandmother of a 3 year old.) If it isn’t the parent’s responsibility to discipline their child, then I’ll make sure that kid knows (from ME) that what he/she is doing is NOT acceptable…depending, of course, on the age of the child. If a baby is crying, that is to be expected…but when a 4-5 y.o. or older is flinging a fit, then it’s up to the parent to remove the child from the setting and lay down the law.

By John Oram

July 21, 2006 02:24 PM | Link to this

I’m tired of putting up with other people’s children. Just because you made the choice to further overpopulate an already overpopulated planet, why should I endure the shrieks and antics of the little animals you spawned? It’s more than enough that I pay taxes for their schooling, etcetera. If you’re too lazy and irresponsible to control the children you created and teach them decorum and self-control, don’t have them. Oh wait… if you knew anything about self-control, you wouldn’t have reproduced.

By Granny

July 21, 2006 02:24 PM | Link to this

There are very few places that are child-oriented, such a Chuck E. Cheese, McDonalds’s, etc., so if a child is enjoying themselves and not endangering anyone at these places, then I laugh along with them…whether they are mine or not. Any place that has a clown as spokesperson, offers children’s meals with toys, has a playground, etc., then expect that there will be boisterous kids enjoying it. HOWEVER…on the other hand, if I am at an expensive restaurant trying to enjoy a meal, and your kid is running around, bothering other patrons, then that is the time to either discipline them or remove them. Some parents think it’s “cute” when their 2 year old walks up to another table and bothers diners, “talking” to them. Maybe it’s “cute” to the parents, but some of us would prefer to eat in peace. I’ll talk to your child when and if he/she is INVITED to talk to me. Until then, please do not impose on others.

By Jason

July 21, 2006 02:49 PM | Link to this

I really don’t care what theory of parenting one subscribes to as long as your child doesn’t affect me. Unfortunately, they do.

If a place is full of screaming children, I don’t go there anymore. I don’t even bother complaining to the manager. Businesses are going to have to decide which group is more important to them. That doesn’t mean they should all cater to those without children. It just means they need to know who their target customers are.

Chuck E. Cheese would be foolish to try to make it a quiet peaceful place. On the other hand, if my dinner at Morton’s is disturbed by screaming children, I’m not going back. Some places, such as The Vortex, have banned children. Even though it isn’t high end dining, I’d much rather eat there than put up with screaming children elsewhere.

Since there are too many in the child bearing community who want everyone else to accomidate their child’s poor behavior, I think we will see more businesses forced to choose which group they cater to. It would be nice if they could do both, but with today’s manners, that just isn’t a possibility.

Sadly, the real losers in all of this are the parent who do have well behaved children but have to pay the price for the lax parenting of others.

By Reeves Cantwalk

July 21, 2006 02:51 PM | Link to this

You are the people we hate. The people who think that kids are so great and everyone should love them. Garbage. Kids are smelly, loud and stupid. Yes, I was a kid once and I was a jerk and am embarrassed I acted that way. If my parents had any sense that would have locked me in the basement.

Keep your stupid kid out of my way and we’ll be OK. If I am trying to eat a nice meal and your little monkey comes and bothers me I will stab it with a fork.

By Swangirl

July 21, 2006 03:02 PM | Link to this

Theresa, I get what you’re saying. And on most levels, I agree with you. We don’t live in a Victorian society in which children were thought to be “little adults” who were to be seen and not heard. I would never want a return to that.

However, I do disagree this comment: I assume when I fly, and in most other situations, that parents are doing their very best to control their children. I give the parents the benefit of the doubt and my sympathy.

I’m sorry to say it but there is a real segment (note, I did not say most or all) of the parent population that will NOT do their best to control their children. They let them act out and misbehave. I don’t mean laughing or looking around. Or having fun in the pool. I mean screaming at length and being destructive.

I’m not talking about an infant that has gas and is cranky, with a mother trying to soothe him. That kind of thing is going to happen and it does. I’m talking about a four-year-old child whose parents let him run all over a restaurant, knocking down chairs and screaming.

If I see that a parent is making an attempt to calm their child down or take them out, then I give them the benefit of the doubt. They are trying to remedy the situation and I do sympathize wiht that. Unfortunately, some parents just sit there like rocks while chaos ensues.

Truth be told, these days many parents have their kids out WAY past their bedtimes (past 10 p.m.) in Wal-Mart or a restaurant or a movie theater. That’s when I place the blame on the parents. If the kid is overtired and should have been in bed hours ago, the parents need to make some changes in their schedule.

One thing I don’t understand are parents who take toddlers to art museum exhibits. Why put a child whose attention span is small through that? And yet, I saw this at the Whistler exhibit at the High. I felt so bad for the little boy I saw who clearly wished to be elsewhere and got shushed over and over by his folks.

Teaching patience is important but in small doses, not an hour-long stint in an art museum. Older children can handle it better. It’s not fair to the toddler or the adults who came to see the exhibit without their toddlers.

By Will

July 21, 2006 03:14 PM | Link to this

Kids will be kids. You go to Disney World you expect kids to be loud, etc. However after 9pm kids shouldn’t be running loose around a hotel, watching a children’s show in the hotel bar or screaming in the hotel hallway. As for a plane ride with a screaming baby…that’s what headphones are for. Babies are babies. However a child over the age of 5 should know when to be quiet. I’ve shhh’d a few kids in my day (at the store, on a plane) when the parents are being oblivious to their antics. If the parents say anything to me I tell them to be parents and control their children. We live in a society…try and make it pleasant for others.

By catlady

July 21, 2006 03:47 PM | Link to this

If your child is causing a disturbance (CLUE: others are staring at you and him) you should remove your child from the situation. Period. Notice that at McDonalds, people don’t stare at children laughing and running on the playground. Running through the eating area, however, probably will get stares. If you see that, it is a SIGN.

By cgatlanta

July 21, 2006 04:04 PM | Link to this

Theresa,

I’ve got another one for you.

You say, “it isn’t the responsibility of parents to make shopping trips, restaurant meals or plane rides as quiet as possible.”

I say, whose job is it? Do you really think it is not your resonsibility to disciple your children…in a restaurant? on an airplane?

You don’t correct your child when he asks a friend about their private parts, and you don’t tell you children to hush in a restaurant. Please don’t move to Kennesaw.

By abc

July 21, 2006 04:14 PM | Link to this

Theresa - if it’s not your responsibility to make shopping trips, restaurant meals, etc. as quiet as possible - would you mind if I did it for you?

I would gladly admonish your childrens’ horrid behavior, but, don’t get angry with me because I have to do YOUR job!

When I ask your kids to please stop kicking my booth, or to stop running back and forth in the restaurant - don’t say one word to me!

If you did your job, I wouldn’t have to do it for you!

By LB

July 21, 2006 04:17 PM | Link to this

I have nothing left to say. The previous posts say it all. After 9:00 at a hotel it should be lights out for all kids. I despise Walmart because it seems to be a place where large groups family groups congregate. They huddle together and no one can get what they need on that aisle. Why can’t one of the adults keep the kids at home. What gets my goat most of all is grocery shopping, mall shopping or errand running during school hours during non holidays fall through spring and there are school age childern running around. They obviously aren’t sick. Where is the old truent officer? If kids are behaved it is different but so many adults have taken a don’t give a flip attitude about their own kids it’s no wonder the school system is falling apart and companies aren’t operating at their fullest potential anymore. People want something for nothing.

By smf

July 21, 2006 04:27 PM | Link to this

Theresa,

I think that you feel that everyone raises their families the way you do, attempting to minimize the interruptions, etc. I believe that the other posters are pointing out that is not the case.

You realize that there are some places appropriate for children and some places that aren’t. Other parents have trouble distinguishing between these places.

Trust me, I’m anti-rude, not anti-children. I’m as bothered by the loud cellphone talker as I am parents of misbehaving children.

By catlady

July 21, 2006 04:28 PM | Link to this

Teresa, it IS your job to be sure my bad experience in the restaurant, airplane, etc, is not because of your children, or you!

By old tex

July 21, 2006 04:45 PM | Link to this

I only want to say one thing. Most churches have cry rooms for a reason. If you can’t, won’t or don’t make your child behave anywhere else, please make them behave in church. Thank you.

By GaBoy

July 21, 2006 04:46 PM | Link to this

I’m just thankful I don’t live in the Atlanta area where I would have to put up with you and your misbehaving kids. And yes, a mother (or father) should stop what they are doing and take the child out of the area or put an end to the aberrant behavior.

By tbflowers

July 21, 2006 04:50 PM | Link to this

I make it a point of not letting my children cross certain boundaries. Like playing games (running up and down the aisle - hideNseek) on an airplane, talking loud in a restaurant, not sittng down in a restaurant, running indoors, touching things that don’t belong to them, quiet indoors. I also teach them that stores are not playgrounds, you don’t just pick things up off the shelf in a store, etc.

That often means that I have to be with my children. Too many of my peers let their kids run free, unsupervised, free to cause mischief and annoy others. I’m by no means saying that we should strictly regiment their lives, but we should be within earshot and visual range of our children so that we can step in when necessary to keep them from causing problems. Many of my peers like to ignore their children and hope that they aren’t disturbing anyone else.

And God forbid I ask a inattentive parent to reign their kids in.

By Richard

July 21, 2006 04:55 PM | Link to this

I’m glad to see you’re being taken to task by almost every reply, because your premise is so wrong-headed as to be laughable. It absolutely IS your responsibility as a parent to keep your rug-rats reasonably quiet and well-behaved in public. Your implication that ill-behaved children are all, by and large, a bunch of misunderstood angels is very revealing. It’s a very disingenuous idea, to a sickening degree. Most of these kids are WAY more cognizant than you’re willing to understand. They’re not ‘misunderstood angels’, generally speaking. They’re willful, spoiled BRATS, and parents with your permissive attitude are the root cause.

I was a kid once, too, and I haven’t forgotten what it was like to be filled with energy and curiosity (in fact, I still am that way, to a large degree). But kids need to start learning self-control and respect for others at an early age, and my parents made sure my siblings and I did. Don’t tell me it can’t be done, I know better.

You have a lot of audacity and arrogance to criticize those who are disturbed by ill-behaved little monsters. Before you take your kids out in public, teach them how to behave in public. Don’t expect me to put up with them because of your lack of parenting skills, or your inclination not to care about how their behavior affects and disturbs others.

By will

July 21, 2006 04:55 PM | Link to this

That is easily the most disjointed article I have ever read. I have read it twice and have no idea the point or the subject. It’s manic! who actually wrote it? The author of the blog or the people she references? What is the AJC’s criteria for hiring writers, I have some spare time these days.

By BeAParent

July 21, 2006 04:56 PM | Link to this

and it isn’t the responsibility of parents to make shopping trips, restaurant meals or plane rides as quiet as possible.

Oh, how wrong you are, lady. It is very much your responsibility to control your own AND your puppies’ behavior when they are in an adult environment.

There are places (Chuck E. Cheese, park playgrounds, and sadly, yes, public pools) that can be considered a “child friendly/child encouraged” environment. But a nice restaurant, a museum, or the hot tub corner and sauna at a decent hotel? Not even close. Keep your kids quiet, and keep them out of my hair.

Oh, and here’s another thing. Even in those child-friendly environments such as public pools: YOUR CHILDREN ARE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Do not bury your nose in a book and let your child run wild, glancing up only to reassure yourself that some adult happens to be within twenty feet. It is not my task to watch over your children, nor is it my task to entertain them. It is yours. I will not complain about the noise or splashing, but I WILL complain when your child feels the need to pester me directly because they are bored and you won’t pay attention to them.

This is about RESPECT FOR OTHERS and COURTESY FOR OTHERS, and you are demonstrating that you have none of either.

By Lillee

July 21, 2006 04:57 PM | Link to this

Sorry, I agree with John Oram & Reeves C. I loathe kids. It’s a preference. Maybe YOU loathe snakes?? I’m not about to judge you for that, so why judge me & why should I deprive myself of going someplace enjoyable just because a bunch of selfish breeders have to populate this already overcrowded planet with their loud, rude, smelly brats? Newsflash: Your little monkeys are NOT “cute!”

By E. Lewis

July 21, 2006 04:57 PM | Link to this

I have no children, but my sister does. The problem I have with loud, frantic and/or misbehaving children is situational. I expect children to be talking and moving around when I am at McDonald’s, the park or taking my niece to see some animated flick. It’s a different matter when I am at a late night, adult themed PG-13 or rate R film, on an airplane, in a library, a fine arts museum or a fancy restaurant. Out of control kids at Wal-Mart are to be tolerated, not so at Williams Sonoma.

I won’t complain about your children when I am at Chuck E Cheese if you promise to find a babysitter for the next installment of James Bond or at least keep them under control the next time Van Gough come to town.

By Nicole

July 21, 2006 04:57 PM | Link to this

What saddens me about the response from so many in this article is that we have forgotten that at some point in our lives we were children…no wait, we just appeared out of the thin blue sky and were immediately an adult. As the mother of two children, I must say there are times when in public my boys get unruly, but not so to the point that it becomes annoying to others…as a matter of fact, I have had many adults compliment me on how well behaved my boys are (I guess because they are boys they are expected to be out of control). Nevertheless, for people like John Oram and others who think that children are simply “animals” that were born to such inconsiderate people as myself who decided to continuously overpopulate this already overpopulated world, seem to forget that at some point in his life he was in the “animal” category…and we are so sorry to make your life so miserable. However the fact of the matter is, children are just that children, and I don’t expect my boys to act like anything more than a child. I want them to enjoy their childhood, even if that means going to the pool, Six Flags or other public places and running and laughing and having fun! Grow up and stop being selfish…it is very selfish of an adult if they expect a child to make their life “comfortable” simply because they are seemingly unhappy with where they are in their lives.

By Monk

July 21, 2006 04:58 PM | Link to this

WTF are you people talking about. This wasn’t about those few kids who are out of control and the parents do nothing about. This article is about the people who despise kids like the majority of people posting comments. Kids will be kids and in 90% of situations that is fine with me. I expect kids to be loud while at the mall. I expect kids to be loud in a pool especially at a hotel. I am positive that the majority of posters were much worse then the avg kid. If your such a shrew to not appreciate a childs laugh I hope you fall down and cease to breathing. And the saying “only stupid people are breading” Is b******. You tend to only notice those which is a small percentage. Peace out you damn baby haters.

By catlady

July 21, 2006 05:12 PM | Link to this

My parents must have raised me pretty strictly. I guess that is why I have some expectations of civil, thoughtful behavior of other adults and their children. Children, and their parents, can be taught that there are places that are appropriate for play, etc, and there are places that are not. I had the refreshing experience of a restaurant manager who asked a family to leave. He received many compliments. Many managers will just allow you to suffer as you waste your $50 there. No more for me. I leave, and tell the staff why. Of course, I am a teacher as well as parent so perhaps that is why I am a “baby hater.”

By catlady

July 21, 2006 05:19 PM | Link to this

P.S. My children, personal and professional, adore me. They know I am understanding but have high expectations for them, and they rise to meet them. My “professional” children are all low SES, but they know I treat them as capable people worthy of respect.

So saying, there ARE people who dislike all children. Thank goodness, they try to avoid them when they can.

By amused parent

July 21, 2006 05:26 PM | Link to this

To all of you who obviously hate kids just because they are not boring adults, all I can say is it’s such a shame your stupid parents chose to overpopulate the planet with the likes of you!

Just think, if we all felt like you, there would be no one to take care of you in your old age (if you make it there), because there would be no one to come after you. All the money in the world won’t change your Depends diaper when you soil it, or feed you when you are too old to remember to eat.

How pathetic your lives must be to have such a narrow view of how the world should be. Lillee, you and Mr. Oram should be particularly grateful that your parents didn’t know how to practice birth control. They surely did not purposefully choose to bring sour souls like you two into the world. Who says you’re not the irritating ones in the lot?

Take a pill already!

By linda smith

July 21, 2006 05:27 PM | Link to this

i work at walmart and see first hand the way some children act and it just makes me sick that the parents allow it and dont do anything about it. if i did some of the things ive seen kids do in the store my mother would have smacked my backside more than once and not care who saw it. there was a kid who spit on his mom in my line and she just smiled and said hes acting out today…acting out…oh my gosh…if he had been my child he would have gotten a pop on the leg or backside right then with no questions ask. i got my share of spanking and i dont consider myself to have been abused in any shape form or fashion. parents today that dont control their children with some discipline are only asking for trouble later on in life…have fun visiting them in jail.

By GaBoy

July 21, 2006 05:28 PM | Link to this

Monk, you apparently have no children and from your comments it is a matter of public interest that you should never intertain the thought of procreation. Heaven forbid you raised a child with your vocabulary. You are a living example of why some people hate children. I have 2 children and 3 grandchildren and they all were and are expected to behave when they are in public. It is simple respect for other people who are intitled to their opinions and to reasonable peace and quiet in a public place.

By Bill

July 21, 2006 05:57 PM | Link to this

Theresa should be flogged along with the parents of the out of control rug rats…

By Malynda Wood

July 21, 2006 06:02 PM | Link to this

Parents today want to have it all. They do not want to be inconvenienced with having to find a baby sitter to be able to do the things that they want to do. Is it too much to expect small children to be quiet when in restaurants, maybe. My mother has a rule of thumb, if the child cannot sit appropriately at the dinner table until they are excused, they do not need to be in a restaurant. If the child cannot follow directions then they do not get to go to the store. I can remember the one and only time I ever had a temper tantrum in a store. My mother picked me up and took me home. Once my father got home she went back to the store and did her shopping. Did it inconvenience her? Oh yes. But she made the decision to have children, so she was the one who should be inconvenienced. I did not get to go shopping with her again for nearly two years.

Remember, our right to anything only extends as far as it does not infringe on the rights of others. That is not hating anyone. That is learning to live together as a society.

By Mr. Amusement

July 21, 2006 06:25 PM | Link to this

Since parents are responsible for the acts of their children, it’s the parents’ responsibility to see to it that their kids act in a manner appropriate to where their parents take them. There are places where courtesy demands that children not be taken there if there is even a chance they will start to act up (weddings, funerals, most movies, expensive restaurants). There are places where it’s OK for kids to be loud and boisterous ( not the same as being out of control), like the playground, restaurants that cater to kids, picnics, public pools, etc. Most public places IMO fall into a middle ground- people still have a right and an expectation that they won’t be disturbed by loud noises or unwanted distractions like those that result from misbehaving/cranky children, but it’s not the end of the world if a kid misbehaves as long as the parent acts promptly to minimize the disruption. If the child does start to act up, I think you have to give the parent a chance to deal with it, but they must deal with it. Both aspects of that are just common courtesy. This may mean taking the child outside, distracting the child with a toy or food, or packing up dinner in doggie bags and calling it a night. Contrary to the implication in the original post, just because a restaurant is in a mall doesn’t mean it’s the equivalent of Chuckie Cheese-most mall restaurants fall in the middle category and parents still have an obligation to see to it that their children aren’t acting up and do something about it if they start to.

A lot of the horror stories people recite about kids in public places are the results of parents who just feel like they’re entitled to take their kid anywhere and stay as long as they want no matter what the kid does while he’s there. This is just rude and enormously self-centered.

I was in Murphy’s restaurant in Va-Highlands eating dinner at the counter once when a woman began leading a toddler from the restaurant towards the restroom, which at the time was next to the counter. The people eating at the counter were treated to the lovely experience of seeing/hearing the little girl throw up twice before making it to the bathroom. It was obvious she had been given Pepto-Bismol earlier. In other words, her parents knew she had an upset stomach before they came to the restaurant with her, they just didn’t care what might happen and how unpleasant it might be for other diners if it did. I felt sorry for the little girl and simultaneously wished that the manager had taken both parents out back and b***-slapped the selfish gits silly.

By BB

July 21, 2006 06:33 PM | Link to this

Unscientific, but the comments here seem to refute your opinion….and as a father who has been there and still is there, I think you are mostly wrong. While I agree there are some over zealous child haters looking to complain at anything, most of my observations are that children in public are not well behaved and their parents are to blame. You can see it in restaurants as the moms babble on to each other while their kids scream and run around. Occassionally the mom will pause to look around or take a fork out of the kids hand, but otherwise lets them act as if they were in their backyard. I’m sorry to tell you but you are part of the problem.

By Robert

July 21, 2006 06:50 PM | Link to this

The problem is that (some) parents dont’ want to parent and let their kids run wide. This lack of parenting means that other adults suffer the rude and loud behavior of other people’s brats.

Did my mom tell me to be quiet in a grocery store, to not run, to stay with her, and so on? Of course she did! Should other adults suffer through brats running up and down the isles, playing football with paper towels, and yelling at each other? Heck no!

At parks, pools, or other public or partly-public places, I do feel that it is for everyone to enjoy. However, this means that single adults should be able to enjoy it as well - and without rude and loud brats that have not been parented to ruin it. What is wrong with “adult swim” or even having an “adult” part of the pool roped off? Should brats have the run of everything?

By decaturparent

July 21, 2006 06:51 PM | Link to this

To the guy complaining that he had to pay taxes to school my “spawn.” Just remember that my spawn will be paying for your retirement and your prescriptions one day, so you had better darned well hope that they get a good education so they can make enough to be taxed in the first place.

I would imagine that with your attitude.. you are of the age that I am already paying for your retirment - once you are done sucking up all that money.. I don’t expect to see a red cent when I retire. As a matter of fact, I seriously doubt that my children will even have a planet to live on once you and your ilk are done destroying it.

BTW.. my kids are always well behaved in public.. not perfect .. but well above average for their ages. If they are not.. they get to go sit in the car until they can get ahold of themselves. Works like a charm.

By anne

July 21, 2006 07:03 PM | Link to this

A hotel pool is for ALL guests to enjoy, not just children. I DO “shush” my children when they are screaming or shouting at a hotel pool. All of those who are at the pool are paying hotel guests and deserving of basic respect and courtesy. Poorly mannered children and their completely oblivious parents are annoying, insensititve and boorish. It is they who need to “grow up.”

By Sarah

July 21, 2006 07:10 PM | Link to this

Hey decaturparent! You and your spawn are doing quite a good job of destroying the planet as well.

Go look up the statistics of how much waste consisting of disposable diapers is dumped into landfills per year… and are you teaching your children to save energy? To recycle? Do they eat processed foods and play with plastic toys?

Newsflash: We are ALL destroying the planet. Try not being so arrogant.

Also? If you’re worried that your children won’t have a planet to live on when they grow up, perhaps you should have taken that into account before you HAD any.

By Rob

July 21, 2006 07:32 PM | Link to this

It may not be up to the parents to make everyone’s experiences in public enjoyable, but it sure as hell IS their responsibility to ensure that their children are acting like human beings and not animals. Children in public are fine. Children being children are fine. Children acting like feral wolves while their exhausted parents stand by doing nothing are not acceptable. Yes, we were all children, and no one expects kids to just know how to behave properly. That’s why they have parents. If the parents don’t take action NOW to teach their children how to act, we’re going to have an entire planet full of obnoxious, annoying, whining, spoiled brats in 20 years.

YOU chose to have the child. YOU chose to take it out in public. It is YOUR responsibility to control it. I have no idea why that’s difficult for parents to understand. I’m sure it’s exhausting to be a parent. But, frankly, that’s your problem. Please don’t make it everyone else’s.

By Shannon, M.Div.

July 21, 2006 07:40 PM | Link to this

Theresa, after reading your blog, I went back and read the AJC article. I think you completely misrepresented Jane Kitson. Nothing in the article said that she was upset with the children for being loud in the pool when she pulled in; rather, seeing that many children made her wince because she (correctly) assessed the situation, knowing that they would be loud in the hotel later (at 9:15).

I’m childfree by choice, 31 years old, happily married. I was one of the letter writers a month ago taking to task the guest editorialist who was upset that she’d been evicted from a restaurant due to a screaming toddler. This topic is important to me.

Today, in chapel, I saw a service led by children. It was beautiful and touching, as children served the communion elements, offered music, and dramatically staged the gospel reading. The children leading the service provided a lovely and theologically appropriate moment with some warm humor (to be expected when children are involved).

However… I agree with the majority of posters on here. Taking small children and screaming babies on flights should be minimized; I think some parents become so used to the screaming that they don’t realize the rest of us get a literal tension headache from the obnoxious sound. Absolutely children should rarely be taken to nice restaurants. I disagree that children shouldn’t be taken to the museum; I remember attending the occasional museum exhibit with my mother and being awed. However, if an adult take a child to the museum, it should be a child-focused experience (and screaming/running amok should not be tolerated). If the adult wants to see the museum as an adult, then the children need to be left at home.

I just don’t have a lot of sympathy for parents who force me to get a headache. It’s really that simple. Children are a gift from God, they are the future, etc. (although I dispute the thought that they’ll necessarily be paying for my retirement—I’m planning to do that myself). The problem isn’t that we are returning to a Victorian Age where children should be rarely seen and never heard. I believe that the problem is that we’re in a Youth-centric age. We do the children in our community no favors by allowing them to think that their whims are laws and the world revolves around their desires (and I say this as an only child and only grandchild myself!). Instead, children should stay to kid-friendly milieus while they are very young, and then, as they age, they can be brought into the wider world with the gradual understanding and acceptance of the truth that the wider world does not want to see or hear their antics any more than it does those of an adult. This will make good citizens.

By balance

July 21, 2006 07:44 PM | Link to this

The main issue seems to be discipline. This country has gone away from instilling the respect of parents into children. In general, the kids today expect everything to be handed to them. I do commend the parents who take the time to teach the right and wrong ways of doing things. Kids should be kids, but only in the proper places, not a fancy restaurant.

By Katie

July 21, 2006 08:15 PM | Link to this

First off, I’m not intolerant of children. I’m intolerant of bad behavior.

“Should the mother immediately stop what she is doing every time her child cries and give in to tantrums?”

I don’t know exactly what you would consider ‘giving in to tantrums’? Acknowledging your child, period? Maybe this is another “When I was younger, My Mom…” comment, but my Mother would give me a spanking if I threw a fit. Soon I learned self-control, and with self-control, my Mom would take me places with her (which I loved doing).

This may seem like an inconvenience, but I’m tired of people trying to make parenting easy, when it’s not supposed to be. This article is just enforcing every lazy parent out there, and it gives a bad name to the decent parents who are actually busting their butts to teach their children respect for themselves and others.

By Arlington

July 24, 2006 06:34 AM | Link to this

Children laughing and crying is normal kid behavior, but a child having a temper tantrum in public is a reflection of a parent that has lost control.

By teach overseas

July 24, 2006 06:55 AM | Link to this

This past week-end I went to the Highlands Arts and Crafts fair. My husband and I first giggled at the first signs we saw such as:

” unsupervised children will be given a puppy”

and

“unsupervised children will be traded for donuts”

and

“we hope you like the item your unsupervised child has broken, as you will be paying for it”

Then, it made me think that most of those vendors had had an unpleasant experience with wild and uncontrolled children. Sad.

By Timely Subject

July 24, 2006 07:23 AM | Link to this

Hi Theresa,

I typically get a kick out of your articles and I found this one to be very timely. I was traveling yesterday from Portland, Maine back home to Atlanta and while I was sitting around in the Portland airport, there were many children and for the most part they were being pretty tolerant of the waiting around. But I observed for the two hours I was sitting there, two little boys 5 and maybe 2 years old playing tag, knocking bags over, running behind counters, running through the busy passenger walk way, having a great time, while their dad watched them in absolute delight that they were having so much fun. Then it happened…the 2 year old tripped and fell and hit his head on a column. To say the least, the father was no longer delighted but frantic and missed the flight because he had to get medical attention for his son…but hey the little boy did have fun. The moral of this story is that parents like so many people have already said are responsible for the actions of their children and just need to use some common sense.

By mom3boys

July 24, 2006 07:31 AM | Link to this

This past weekend at a tennis match I watched as the parents of a 4 year old ignored his disgusting behavior. He kept going to the food table, grabbing bananas, and after tossing them around a bit, opened them and then proceeded to finger paint with them on the concrete. I saw his mom clean some of it up, but I never heard her say “no.” He repeated this stunt three times, always looking to mom and dad to see if they’d say anything (they didn’t).

Parents: IT’S OK TO TELL YOUR CHILDREN “NO.” THEY PROBABLY WON’T HATE YOU, BUT IF THEY DO, THEY’LL GET OVER IT.

It’s not our job to be their friends, but to be their parents. I tell mine all the time that I hope they’ll like me, but if not it doesn’t matter because I have friends my own age.

We are not raising our children so that WE enjoy them—we’ll enjoy them no matter what, as they are ours. We are to raise them so that other people (i.e. those not related to them) can enjoy them, or at the very least, tolerate being in the same space as them. Come on everyone, let’s stop being so self-absorbed, and think about each other for a change…some of the kids today are monsters allowed to do anything they want…all they really want are some parameters. Tell them NO…they’ll love you for it in the long run.

By Darryl

July 24, 2006 08:06 AM | Link to this

My comment on this subject is that the parent should have total control of their children when the misbehave in public places. Out of the respect of other patrons, if the child is uncomfortable or irribable, they need to be removed from the public locale so that the others can enjoy their activities.

I’m not saying that children should not be in public and/or adult places, but its the parent’s responsibility to control their children’s actions and reactions out of respect to others.

By Aquagirl

July 24, 2006 08:08 AM | Link to this

No doubt Ms. Giarrusso will dismiss the preceding 40+ comments as “those people who leave the house looking to judge parents.” So will the legions of lazy, self-centered parents who can’t be bothered to A) do something/go someplace child friendly, or B) control their children in normal, everyday situations. What bugs me is the number of yuppies who continue their previous pre-child life while dragging their poor kids in tow. Yeah, children fly sometimes. But if you have a 3 and 5 year old, what the devil are you thinking when you book a vacation to Hawaii? That they’re going to love the 6 hours or so on a plane? And once they get there, the parents dump their kids at the pool for a six hour marathon of “Marco Polo” while they enjoy their mai-tais. If a group of adults set up a water volleyball game and played for an hour, you can bet said parents would complain that the kids couldn’t use the pool. If you want an unfettered experience for your kids, there are plenty of places for that. But stop expecting everyone else to indulge your kid’s behavior when they are tired of waiting on you to try on your 34th pair of shoes at the mall.

By jane kitson

July 24, 2006 08:20 AM | Link to this

I am JANE KITSON the woman in the article at the hotel with the pool in Florida. I have enjoyed reading each of the comments. Several have shared wonderful insights, many are thought provoking and the various stories have been interesting. I have been quoted in the newspaper before and ( due to column layout and size) some things are always cut. Here are a few things you may want to know: I AM A NATIONAL EARLY CHILDHOOD EDUCATIONAL CONSULTANT….translate…I have spoken to 75,000 educators in 44 states about topics that relate to children ages 2-7.

I am also MOTHER GOOSE ….translate…I share rhymes and storytelling sessions with over 5000 children here in Atlanta and often in other states. I can manage 100 children per show ( if these children have personal repect and courtesy). This is no small task and MANY tell me it is amazing. I LOVE CHILDREN…my business is children. Children are a precious gift!

I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH ENERGETIC CHILDREN… this is simply how they are! Rudeness is not tolerated. Children typically behave the way their parents expect them too. If you set boundaries….rewards and consequences, your children will get the nessage. Energetic children CANNOT be expected to behave ( for extended periods) on an adult environment….USE JUDGMENT….oops some parents have no judgment…sorry….we teachers already know this

I TAUGHT KINDERGARTEN-2ND GRADE FOR MANY YEARS….ask a classroom teacher if some of the above antics are cute…they are not, especially when you have 20 plus children who are behaving the same way in your classroom. Think of it this way…if there were 15 children within 15 yards of my child, behaving the same way….would this be pleasant….if not, you may want to do something.

To clarify:

the children in the pool were not the biggest problem…the children running through the lobby and slipping on the floor because they were dripping wet, and the front desk clerk who was about to cry because she was trying to answer the phone and could not even hear anything due to the level of noise, plus the elevators being used as amusement park rides ( unsupervised children hopping on and off pushing every button) gave me a STRONG indication that this was going to be a LONG night. PUBLIC disturbance can be controlled by the police…hence I suggested this option. Everyone went to their rooms ( grumbling) and we had a quiet night. The front desk clerk that evening and in the morning thanked me as they “had simply had enough of it and other patrons were livid…”

Children will behave enthusiastically but when it is ruining everyone else’s day, think about it.

If you have toddlers and see teenagers PLOWING through your neighborhood with their newly minted license…THINK…these were the toddlers whose laughter and noise was an acceptable part of life 12-15 years ago and they have no respect for those around them, now you know what it feels like to have other children making your life a nightmare! Do you want your children driving your car when they are simply CUTE an have no regard for others?

WE DO NOT DISLIKE CHILDREN…they simply need to be shown the boundaries of how to behave in each of life’s arena’s…are you doing your JOB? Thanks for listening. I appreciate your comments.

P.S. We have been shopping in stores where parents LEAVE their children SCREAMING in a cart and are in the next isle looking for something…what is up with this? When my teenagers were young, the reward of behaving nicely was getting a treat and the consequence was NOTHING and a swift trip out of the store…yes it was an inconvenience ( to me…oh my) but they learned outcomes quickly!

By Hotlanta

July 24, 2006 08:26 AM | Link to this

I went to an event last night and a toddler was crying for at least 30 minutes or more disturbing everyone. Somebody tell me what is a baby stroller doing in a movie theater? The next time your cute little kick me in back of the seat, I will go and get the usher. Babies can’t go everywhere with you. It should be child abuse for a parent to even have them in those strollers while running in 95 degree heat. I went to a wedding that was being videotaped and this child was playing with his toys, banging on the church pews making a lot of noise and mom kept sitting there like nothing had ever happened. What happened to those good ole days where parents took the child out of the room when they got noisy.

By amused

July 24, 2006 08:27 AM | Link to this

Keep in mind this is the person that trolls her neighborhood for “mothers helpers’ on the first day of summer vacation, so that she can “get things done”. The same person that puts her 2 year old in preschool. And the same person that goes out of her way to tell us she’s a SAHM, but then cleverly tells us about her “minority” housekeeper. I’ve said it before, this blog is less about parenting issues and more about how to avoid, as much as possible, the responsibilities of being a parent. AJC???????????

By jane kitson

July 24, 2006 08:28 AM | Link to this

sorry for the few typos in the previous post…typing is NOT my strongest asset…thanks for your patience!

By Bill Wright II

July 24, 2006 08:41 AM | Link to this

Mamum, you so off base. I helped raise three children and when they were in public places they acted correctly. They were taught at an early age that you their is a place to run play and make loud noise and their are places where you don’t. Inside Doctors offices and business offices are not play areas. Nothing gauls me more than see a parent that keeps telling a brat whom they created now don’t do that again 20 or 30 times. I want to take the parent out to the woodshed and teach them what their not teaching their children. Consistentiy makes all the difference in the world. I don’t care what some people believe their are proper ways to act and proper places act.

By mom3boys

July 24, 2006 08:50 AM | Link to this

To Jane Kitson: Two of my 3 boys had the pleasure of your mother goose performance while attending First Baptist Lawrenceville Preschool. You are an amazing woman! Recently we had out of state company who told us of the new ministry she was starting at her church. She said the “older” (50+) moms were trying to teach the younger moms how to do their job. Some were thrilled, others were aghast that someone might suggest that they not know what they were doing. The “older” ladies at church had had just about enough of “tots gone wild.” They were tired of the senior citizens being run over, events disrupted, and over all general bad manners. We have to remember as parents that our rights to go, do, and see do NOT supercede the rights of others. Fifteen years ago my mom told me that all I did was threaten my kids; if I didn’t get my act together, no one would ever want to be around them…they’d be total brats. This was so hard to hear! How dare her say that to me! I told a friend what my mom said. She said that my mom was right. Egadds!!! An honest friend! I sat the guys down (only had 2 then) and told them that things were about to change. Life was hard for all of us for about a year, while they got used to new rules and I learned to be tough. My kids are not perfect by ANY stretch of the imagination, but I can tell you that they never got in trouble at school for rudeness. I never had to worry about their behavior in restaurants, or other public places. I will reiterate: it’s not about US…it’s about OTHERS!!!

By Joyce

July 24, 2006 09:22 AM | Link to this

The behavior in restaurants is what gets me. However, it’s not so much the annoyance factor as it is the safety factor. When I was 14 or so, I spent a summer Candy-Striping in the Pediatric ward of a hospital that also was a regional burn center. There were several young patients there at the time with burns caused by food spills at restaurants, possibly because the child was horsing around. As someone mentioned in an earlier post, kids running around was cute for the father until one child was hurt. Even today the sight of a child running in a restaurant sets every nerve in my body on edge. C’mon parents, let’s be sensible!

By Joe Camp

July 24, 2006 09:29 AM | Link to this

1st of all, I would like to address those who have written of their disgust for children. I have read them described as “little animals” and I have read of disdain for school taxes, etc. Keep in mind (John Orram) that one day you will retire. Whether you get a pension, 401K payout, or a soc sec check is fully dependent on someone following your footsteps to work and keep the economy running. Someone, younger than you, must be working to put food on your table or wipe your a$$ when you are old and no longer able.

Nations such as Japan and France are facing a reproductive -and financial- crisis…they are not making enough babies. Perhaps French men can’t get it done, but I digress. Children are essential to our future.

While children are an integral -and unavoidable- aspect of our culture, that does not mean that we must accept child like behavior in certain settings. Children must be taught to respect other people. Children are vital, but so are manners. Manners are the oil that soothes and smooths social transactions, which combats the friction that can occur as we deal with one another..

For example, a sit down restaurant requires a certain decorum. Diners should sit down and converse in voices that are not obtrusive to other tables. Wait staff should be treated politely, with pleases and thank-you’s all around. Kids should be expected to maintain this decorum…that’s how they learn.

On the flip side of this example, I urge patience with parents who have an -occassional- outburst from a young child in public.

My children are well behaved…because I insist that they behave and that they employ the good manners I have taught and exemplified.

However, I have encountered other peoples’ children whose behavior sucks. Personally, I have no problem addressing them directly and verbally correcting their behavior. Or, if available, I will address the parents. I don’t have to get ticked off, I just do not put up with it. I do not believe that my roles as a manager, role model, and Father ends at my job or at my doorstep. We -especially Fathers- have a leadership responsibility to all the young people that we encounter.

By Theresa

July 24, 2006 09:41 AM | Link to this

Dear Amused — You have officially p’d me off. THis is off topic but I’m tired of this crap that this blog is about not-mothering. I am with my kids at a minimum 11.5 waking hours a day — that adds up to more than 55 hours a week that I take care of my children (and I’m happy and blessed to do so). During the year, my 2.5 year old was in preschool for exactly 5 hours of those 55 hours. My 4-year-old was in preschool for 12 hours a week. I don’t think I am shirking my mothering duty to be alone five hours a week. As for this summer I have a young girl that plays wiht my kids for 8 hours a week so I can work for the ajc. Seven of the 12 weeks of their summer vacation we haven’t even had her. Again does 8 hours of in-house help out of more than 55 hours mean I am not taking care of my children — I don’t think so. I think you would be hard-pressed to find a mother who actually spends more alone time with her kids. (And those hours are spent going to pools, playgrounds, libraries, being read to, drawn wiht, cooked with, practicing letters and phonics, caring for our animals and the garden) So feel free to criticize me for other crap, but don’t tell me I’m not taking care of my kids!

By momswithbackbones

July 24, 2006 09:42 AM | Link to this

Yes, yes, yes, YES it’s the parents responsibility to make sure the child acts decently or remove them from the venue! I have two daughters age 6 and 10. I don’t ask that they act decently, I demand it. A little talking and acting like a child is expected, but running around in restaurants, screaming and crying, throwing food and acting like the terrors should NOT be tolerated! In return, some PARENTS think that they have the RIGHT to go anywhere they please and just roll their eyes at their children’s actions. “They’re just being kids.” is the biggest cop-out on the planet. You can’t expect kids to sit motionless with their hands by their sides all the time, but CONTROL your child! If you can’t, have the repect of everyone around you to either remove them or give them a “come to Jesus” meeting! Parents, it’s YOUR JOB to teach the children manners and the appropriate behavior in public places. The can have fun WITHOUT becoming Damien Thorne anytime they don’t get what they want or get bored. If they can’t handle that, they shouldn’t be out in a public venue. Sorry, but if you have kids, that’s a part of the bargain. You may not like it (I didn’t like it either, but accepted the bargain), but there are other people on this planet besides you and your child. The deal is for everyone to do what they can to make the journey easier for everybody (just like traffic, putting a leash on your dog and respecting everyone else around you in restaurants and public places). If you chose not to, shut up about the mean glances, catty comments and written articles. You are shooting yourself in the foot with your arrogance!

By Aquagirl

July 24, 2006 09:48 AM | Link to this

Are you kidding? The thought that these little animals—who have grown up with no parenting or expectation that they behave as part of society—-will be responsible for my pension is what scares me! And why in the crap would you take a young child (like a toddler) to a sit down restaurant where they have to follow rules they don’t seem capable of understanding? Or that make them miserable as hell?

And just try to address one of these parents with uncontrollable kids. It’s like talking to a brick wall, except brick walls don’t sneer in a superior “it’s my child, you’re being intolerant” manner. Heck, go back and read the column above.

By abc

July 24, 2006 10:08 AM | Link to this

Someone else used my alphabetic moniker here, hmmmmm.

When my kids were younger, I’d always tell them to be on their BEST behavior when we were in public. Most of the time they were. If they started acting up I removed them from the situation, allowing them to return after a private chat. It wasn’t a problem.

People don’t do that very much these days though. The unruly kids are either not being disciplined by their parent(s) or have redneck mama yelling and jerking them around (that’s incredibly sad to see). I think that hotel pools, restaurants, grocery stores, and airplanes shouldn’t be subjected to unruly kids. They’re not playgrounds.

By BeAParent

July 24, 2006 10:08 AM | Link to this

So feel free to criticize me for other crap, but don’t tell me I’m not taking care of my kids!

OK, I’ll criticize you for this. Your first and only response after a weekend full of commentary was to the silly personal attack. You have not even made a pretense of answering any of the OTHER charges leveled against your column and your opinion; why not? Are you unwilling to acknowledge that you were and are wrong on this issue? Unable to defend your off-the-cuff mommy-centric position with reasoned argument?

I am, frankly, disgusted.

By Controlyourchildren

July 24, 2006 10:13 AM | Link to this

DITTO to momswithbackbones.

By smomma

July 24, 2006 10:14 AM | Link to this

Amused - I have to say that I’m am offended by your comments. We have three children and all three have gone through pre-school. My first because he is hearing impaired and we felt it was important for him to be around other children so that he could model their language and play skills. My next two have been in pre-school also. They enjoy preschool very much and there are many benefits to it. When my oldest started kindergarten last year his teacher commented that you could really tell who had pre-school and who had not. And further more, the when they were all 2 they only went 2 days a week for three hours. That is only 6 hours a week. I would hardly call that shirking my duties as a mother. Pre-school gives me just enough time to run to the grocery store sans kiddies, run home and put the groceries away, and then spend about 30 minutes on housework. I would hardly call that relaxing on a chaise lounge watching soap operas (which I never watch in the first place) eating bon-bons while painting my nails. If perhaps, I do not have to grocery shopping, then it is a morning of folding laundry and running miscellaneous errands. Also, there is nothing wrong with asking the little girl down the road to help out for a a few hours so that I can get errands done during the summer when there is no pre-school. Even when I am not with my children, I am still a SAHM which means I have a lot to do. Stop being so judgemental about pre-school and getting help every once in awhile. I can’t speak for all the SAHMs here. I do just about all the housework and child rearing by myself because my husband works hard so that our children can be raised by me and not a daycare center. There is no break to being a mother. There is no going home to “relax” for the evening. So step off, and cut us some slack.

By smomma

July 24, 2006 10:19 AM | Link to this

I would also like to add that when the kids are in pre-school or when I get a babysitter I use that time to run errands to doctors offices, stores, and many different public places just so that I can be considerate to all those who complain about kids being in public.

By Blue Moon

July 24, 2006 10:21 AM | Link to this

This is one of my soapbox issues, and I feel that Theresa’s editorial came off as a bit arrogant, presumptious, and giving some parents entirely too much credit. I am 53, childless by choice, and have never, ever regretted my decision. I do not expect to live in a world without children nor do I go out to “pass judgement on parents.” I do, however, expect children to be laughing, yelling or running in the appropriate environments, not when I’m at the theatre or trying to have a nice, more expensive type meal. Some parents need to realize that everybody doesn’t love their kids just because they do, and that their children will be more welcomed and liked if they behave more appropriately.

Not long ago I was on a 2-hour flight, and a screaming kid was right behind me. He shrieked at the top of his lungs for the duration of the trip. Earphones did not help, either. And his mother did absolutely nothing to quiet him down. This brat disturbed a lot of other passengers as well. I do not think anyone should have to endure that.

I have been in a mall when a kid ran right smack into me and then told me to watch where I was going. I had a kid slap his hand in my ice cream, and he and mom thought it was too funny. Of course I threw it away after that. At a “nicer” restaurant, 2 kids started pulling my hair, and wouldn’t stop. The two women with them thought that was funny too.

Although I admit to not being overly fond of kids in general, I do think well-behaved, polite kids are absolutely wonderful. I have three therapy dogs (dogs who go to hospital