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June 2006
Packing style comes with lots of baggage
Are you an over or under packer? Got tips for packing for children?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
How much stuff does a 5-month old baby need for a trip to Hilton Head?
Well, with me packing, she took two strollers (the regular one for sidewalks and the jogging stroller for the beach), a bouncy seat, a pack ’n play, a bath tub, a kick ’n play gym, a basket of indoor toys, a basket of outdoor toys, a host of toiletries and about 20 outfits (despite having a washer and dryer in the condo).
You might have guessed I have a small problem with over-packing.
I have always been a heavy packer – I like to have choices when I get some place. When I would travel for work from New York, I never cared how many bags I had or how ridiculously heavy they were. The doorman got them to the cab, the cabbie got them to the airport porter and a few tips later, everybody was happy.
In the airport last year, a man looked at the four bags my husband and I carried and said, “Wow, you must be going on a long trip.�
“No, just a four-day cruise,� I replied.
The man showed his small duffel bag and said, “I’m going to Thailand for two weeks.� My husband cringed with embarrassment.
My husband has tried to reign in my packing, but with little luck. I have rarely suffered from my over-packing, since he’s the one who lifts my bags. We did have to pay a fine on our cruise flight because the main bag was too heavy, but who knew what type of outfits and shoes would be appropriate for the dining room?
Since we’ve had kids my packing problems have multiplied. Now I’m over-packing for three.
If we were on Flight 815 from Australia, my family would be the best-supplied family on “Lost.� We would have clothes for every possible weather event, medicine for every potential illness and enough shampoo and lotion to last four seasons.
Over packing for the kids isn’t as much about having extra wardrobe choices, as it is about panic. As I’m packing, I plan for nightmare scenarios instead of what is most likely.
My husband is the polar opposite – under-packing whenever possible. The battles before trips are epic. There are lectures and yelling. He takes things out of bags. I put them back in.
When my husband recently took the kids to an Alabama beach by himself he said they had to stop multiple times on the road because he didn’t bring things they needed – like water, bandages and headache medicine for him.
As much as my husband complains about my packing, he generally gives in. We are usually just driving to a beach, so if it will fit in the back, it can go.
But preparing for an 11-day once-in-a-lifetime trip to Hawaii (we’re piggybacking on my husband’s business trip) forced choices. (I’m more afraid of Delta than I am of my husband.)
How many changes of clothes could my 5- and 3-year-old possibly mess up on a 9-hour flight? How much food should be stashed in my carry-on since the airline offers only one meal during that flight? How many diapers will my potty-training son go through? Do we bring the car seats or rent them? Do we waste luggage space bringing extra bottles of sunscreen and diapers or buy them at a crazy price there?
You make the call: Was her husband being hit on?
Or was it just an innocent cry for help from a neighbor?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A MOMania commenter sent me a note a few weeks ago with an interesting dilemma: Was her friend’s husband being hit on by his neighbor or was the neighbor just looking for a shoulder to lean on? You make the call! Here are the details of the story:
“What do you think about a woman who tells another’s husband that she and her husband aren’t having sex? Why would she say something like that? Their neighbor was calling my friend’s husband on the cell phone, not the home phone, quite frequently. Their work sometimes intertwined, but that was the extent of the phone calls up until a few weeks ago.
“During one of their conversations, this neighbor told my friend’s husband that she and her husband were having some marital issues. The woman mentioned to him that she and her husband weren’t having sex. What??? OMG…was she telling him that she was available?
“Anyway, my friend was a bit disconcerted about the situation. She and her husband agreed that should this particular woman start anymore inappropriate conversations regarding her marital problems, he would abruptly end the conversation. He also started screening the phone calls. However, the question remains…was this woman giving him the come on?â€?
Tell us what you think? Was this woman just looking for someone of the opposite sex to explain to her what was happening with her husband or was she letting him know she was available? I’ll be in and out this week so chat amongst yourselves. Don’t get too crazy. My boss is still around.
How do you recover from divorce?
A mommy needs some advice about how to get back on her feet after her recent divorce.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I got a note a few weeks ago from MOMania commenter who wanted your advice on dealing with divorce. Here’s what she wrote:
“I will have been divorced exactly six months tomorrow. The first few months I was robotic — trying to not deal with my emotions, while remaining stoic for my 5-year-old daughter who questioned my decision to ‘kick her daddy out of the house.’
” I was trying to hold on to my sanity and not lose it at work (once you cry at work the bosses and male supervisors just view you differently!). I’m trying to manage, but I’m struggling. I have piles of dirty laundry. I have only vacuumed the spots of the carpet not covered by toys and trying my best to concentrate on work (trying not to get fired is more like it). Any advice?â€?
Regrettably, I’m sure lots of mommies have been in her shoes. How have you handled recovering after divorce? What have you told the children? How have your grieved without upsetting them? How have you concentrated at work when there are more pressing things on your mind? How have you handled all the extra household work that comes from losing a partner? I’ll be in and out this week so chat amongst yourselves. Don’t get too crazy. My boss is still around.
Permalink | Comments (149) | Categories: Family Life
At my house, every day is Father’s Day
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It’s one of the greatest sounds in the world — the sound of the garage door rising every night around 7. It means Daddy is home.
The kids climb down from their chairs around the dinner table and literally jump up and down. “Daddy is home! Daddy is home!” they cheer. The dog runs around in circles. I have to block the door to the garage so they don’t run out before the car is parked. When I finally open the door, the kids and the dog race into the garage.
“Daddy, daddy, you’re home!” they yell. “We’re so happy to see you!”
It’s quite a greeting, and it’s just one of the many special sounds of Daddy.
I love observing from afar my husband’s interaction with our kids. Our house is very open, so from almost any room I can hear what they’re up to. Usually they’re just being silly, but sometimes I hear my husband teaching little life lessons, and sometimes, I hear him disciplining them.
As the night goes on, my husband usually takes the kids upstairs to bathe them, and I stay in the kitchen to do the dishes. Lately, my husband has been teaching our 5-year-old and 3-year-old how to take a shower. I hear the shower turn on and his instructions begin.
“Here’s your washcloth. Soap it up good. Clean behind your ears and your neck. Don’t forget your underarms. Head back, eyes closed, it’s time to rinse off.”
Sometimes the sounds aren’t so sweet. I hear my husband bark at the top of his lungs, “Hey, what did I just say? No splashing!”
My daughter has asked him on several occasions, “Do all Daddies echo when they tell their kids what to do?”
After bath, it’s time for reading. In between the stories, I hear them tell Daddy about their day. I love hearing their versions of what we did. My son’s stories always revolve around food. When the car was in the shop, he told Daddy about the candy for sale in the “noisy gas station.” My daughter often tells him about things I would rather he not know about, details of expensive shopping trips, junk food we ate or surprise gifts we bought for him.
No matter what, Daddy listens carefully and oohs and aahs about their accomplishments. He laughs as they tell him about their mischief and encourages them to keep working hard in their studies or sports.
On weekends, I hear different sounds of Daddy. Mostly, I hear the kids shrieking with joy, and I know they’re playing one of two games. If the shrieks are coming from upstairs, then the game is Cover Daddy. The kids take all the pillows from all the bedrooms and pile them on top of their Daddy. The cushions apparently help soften the blows when they jump on the pile. (I’m not crazy about this game — suffocation — but they love it.) If they’re downstairs, then I know it’s indoor hide-and-go-seek, although not very competitive. The children race around the downstairs hiding under tables, behind couches and in the bathroom. But as soon as I hear my husband stop counting, I hear the kids yell, “Hey, we’re in the closet!” (We’ve got to work on the rules some more.)
On the rare occasion I get to sleep in, I wake up just long enough to hear my kids negotiate breakfast with their Daddy. My mess-adverse husband is always suggesting cereal or eggs. The kids want waffles or pancakes. As my daughter wisely notes, “If Daddy is cooking, it never has syrup.”
Whether it’s the weekend or a weekday, the last Daddy sound of the day is always prayers. I think it’s my favorite. They snuggle in my daughter’s bed and I hear my husband start: “Do the sign of the cross.” Then they launch into The Lord’s Prayer. I love hearing their little voices say the prayer along with their Daddy. Then he does a little freestyle prayer.
“Dear Lord, thank you for this day and this time together. Thank you for these wonderful children. Thank you for all our family and friends and keep them healthy and safe. Thank you for our home and our jobs. Help us to be kind and loving. Please help all the people in the world who are poor, or hungry or in trouble — especially children. Amen.”
In our room, I end the prayer a different way. I add, “And thank you for this wonderful Daddy.”
Ever used your kid to get out of a ticket?
Did the cop buy your excuse?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Have you ever tried to get out of a ticket by telling the officer your child was crying or had poopie pants?
My girlfriend got her first ticket ever recently. She was rushing home because it was about time to feed her infant and the baby was crying. The police officer asked her if there was any reason she was speeding. She said she needed to feed the baby and she was crying in the back seat. (As soon as she got pulled over the baby stopped crying!)
The cop said, “Lady, do you know how often I hear that one?� Then he gave her the ticket.
It is extremely unnerving to have a baby crying in the backseat or a toddler pitching a fit. There are also times when a baby has a dirty diaper or a toddler needs a toilet. Is it OK to speed under those circumstances?
Have you ever told a cop a traffic violation was due to your child? Did you get out of the ticket?
Permalink | Comments (48) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
What theme parks, hotels do you love in Orlando?
Are you visiting Orlando this summer? What places can you vouch for?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Loads of Atlanta families head to Orlando for summer fun. What parks and hotels can you recommend to other families? (Here’s a guide to many of the parks.)
Has anybody been to the new Holy Land Experience? Did the kids like it? Was it fun or just educational? What religions will feel welcome? I really want to know more about this theme park.
Also has anyone stayed at the new Nickelodeon Family Suites in Orlando? I want to know about that too.
I wrote last summer for the AJC’s Travel section about taking our 4-and 2-year-old to Disney World. The 2-year old was miserable in the park, but he loved the hotel. We stayed at Disney’s All-Star Movie Resort, which Disney considers to be a value accommodation. We loved it. I wasn’t afraid they were going to hurt anything in the room. It had a fantastic pool and a playground right next to the hotel room with loads of sand. They had the best time meeting other kids and just playing on the playground. There was a nice cafeteria steps away from the room. It was extremely convenient and the food was good. However, it also was expensive. We paid a few bucks extra to have a refrigerator and ate our breakfast in the room. My only criticism of the hotel was rough toilet paper. (We didn’t even need to do Disney World – they were happiest at the hotel.)
We went to the Kennedy Space Center this spring, and I couldn’t believe how expensive it was. I think my kids would have gotten more out of it if they were older – much older.
So help us out and let us learn from your good and bad experiences. Don’t just tell us that you liked or hated a place – also tell us why.
Permalink | Comments (47) | Categories: Family Life
Fighting over a big bag of meat
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Who knew when my husband was wooing me by dropping dough all over Athens that 14 years later we would be fighting over a big bag of meat?
When we were dating, he had a nice car. He was flush from a summer internship, a part-time job and scholarships, so he took me to dinner and always paid for movies.
It wasn’t until after we married that I figured out my husband is cheap.
It showed up in small ways at first — clipping coupons, hunting down cheaper gas, wringing out every last drop of toothpaste (he would pull the tube from the garbage after I had thrown it away).
I started to worry more when he would cut off the air conditioning in the morning before he left for work. The problem was I was still at home with the baby. I would think I was having hot flashes from nursing until I realized that the thermostat was on 83.
Through the years, he has become better about some spending habits, but his cheapness with food remains embarrassing and potentially dangerous.
Both of his parents grew up poor, and his family never wasted any food — even those nasty end pieces of bread. He tells a story of his mother buying a couple of boxes of overripe bananas at a bargain price and then force-feeding the family banana bread, banana muffins, banana pancakes and banana waffles for three months. To this day, the smell of banana bread nauseates him.
He is hard-wired to not let food go to waste, and it makes him crazy that the kids and I throw away some of our leftovers. Many meals, he doesn’t even make himself a plate. He simply waits for us to “finish,� and then eats what’s left on our plates — kind of like a human garbage disposal.
This trait comes from his father. The first time I visited his father’s house, I made ribs. Michael and his father turned their racks into piles of clean bones in less than 4 minutes. Then I noticed his father staring at my plate.
Finally my father-in-law said to my husband, “Is she going to finish those?� My husband said, “I think she’s done.� My father-in-law replied, “Well if you don’t finish them for her, I will,� and he proceeded to take them one by one off my plate and stick the bones entirely into his mouth, sucking each until the marrow came out.
I protested as I watched, saying, “You don’t know where I’ve been. That’s disgusting.� He wasn’t even embarrassed.
Even though my husband makes good money, his upbringing has stuck with him. He still can’t bring himself to spend $6 on lunch. Almost every night, he packs himself a sandwich.
On Monday, I made myself a turkey and ham sandwich, and the meat was slimy. I couldn’t find the expiration date because my husband had thrown out the original containers. He had put all the meat into little baggies and then into one big Zip-Lock bag. I was pretty sure they were all three or four weeks old, so I tossed it.
“Where’s the big bag of meat?� he asked that evening, as he tried to make his lunch. First I lied. “We ate it all.�
When I finally fessed up that I threw it away, he desperately asked: “How long ago? Was it still sealed in the bag?�
I told him the meat was bad, and that it was all on sale anyway, so it was no big deal to throw it away. He went on a rant saying not to throw food away until he declared it was bad (which would be never). I agreed to try harder not to waste food, and he agreed to stop eating food that could poison him just to save a buck.
Later that night, he went to the fridge and grabbed a gallon of milk that was several days expired. He sniffed it and poured himself a glass.
How cost-conscience are you? What lengths will you go to save money? How do you resolve when one spouse is a spender and one is a saver (a.k.a. cheap)?
Permalink | Comments (64) | Categories: Battles between Mom and Dad
Moms, do you dare to wear a bikini?
How great of shape do you have to be in to wear a bikini again? Is it not OK for moms to wear one even if they can pull it off?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
So I made the mistake of telling my husband I was thinking about trying on bikinis on Saturday when I go to look for new bathing suits. (My current suits are two-year-old tanks and are really faded and snagged.)
He sort of made a face and basically indicated that he didn’t think I was quite ready for a bikini yet. He asked me why I thought I could wear one again. I said I didn’t have any fat hanging over in rolls. He pointed out that it may not be hanging over in rolls, but there is still a little pooch there, and my hips are wide.
OK, let’s review: I’ve had two babies. My hips are going to stay wide, but my butt is not fat and neither are my thighs. I do have a little rounded tummy right under my belly button but no rolls anywhere. I’m not sure that pooch will ever go away.
Are there different standards for moms to wear bikinis or do we have to be as slim as the teens at the pool? Are bikinis too racy for a mom to wear? Are they impractical for a mom to wear? What kind of suit will you be wearing this summer?
Permalink | Comments (86) | Categories: Battles between Mom and Dad
Is your mothering style making your kid fat?
Strict mothers tend to have heavier kids
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
In years to come when our kids are sitting on their therapist’s couch complaining how we screwed them up, they can add “made me obese� to the list.
According a recent study, it’s not just what we feed our kids, but how we treat them that can make them heavy.
The Associated Press reports, “Strict mothers were nearly five times more likely to raise tubby first-graders than mothers who treated their children with flexibility and respect while also setting clear rules.�
However, moms who are neglectful or permissive can also have heavier kids.
What mothering style do you think you have? Do you think your style has affected your child’s weight?
Permalink | Comments (76) | Categories: What kind of Mom are you?
Should you reveal sex, baby name before birth?
How much did you tell friends about your baby before she arrived?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Did you find out the sex of your baby? Did you tell people? Did you decide on a name before the birth and tell people that too?
I got a note from a college girlfriend last night that said if you wanted to know the sex of their baby to head to their Web site to read. I thought it was nice that they gave people an option – not everyone wants to know ahead of time. (I have absolutely no patience and immediately headed to the site to read.)
I have another girlfriend that sent out an e-mail months before her child was born announcing the sex and the name.
My next-door neighbor hates it when you tell her the sex of baby (and I think the name too) before they are born. She says she just doesn’t want to know. What’s left to announce after they are born?
Where do you stand on the whole finding out the sex ahead of time? And if you do find out, do you tell anyone else?
Permalink | Comments (18) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
Summer signals potty-training crunch time
Choose your method: Pee anywhere it's green. Gummy worm rewards.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The question of the summer: Will letting my newly turned 3-year-old son pee in our backyard hasten his potty training or merely encourage him to urinate in inappropriate places?
We know plenty of little boys who were trained by age 3 through the pee-anywhere-that’s-green method. However, I hear reports from friends about 5-year-old fellows pulling it out and whizzing on golf courses, beaches and playgrounds. Plus, I’m not sure I want my son wandering around the backyard like our dog searching for a spot to pee on.
We’ve got three months to finish the job since most preschools won’t accept a child that age who isn’t fully potty trained.
By some standards we are already behind. Many grandmothers say train them - girl or boy - during the summer of their second year. You let them run around naked out back. They’ll pee on their legs a few time, decide they don’t like it and start using the toilet.
While boys usually train later than girls, our little guy is almost there. But he still occasionally has accidents and doesn’t really volunteer to go to the potty.
Actually, he’s never known life when potty training wasn’t an issue. My son would be in the sling latched on nursing while I begged my daughter, who had just turned 2, and was sitting on the toilet to please make the pee-pee come out. I’m surprised his first words weren’t a mimic of Mommy saying “Let’s go potty. Don’t wet your panties. Hold it, hold it.�
Our son showed interest in potty training at 16 months, and we were thrilled. I didn’t push him. I just let him explore and go on the toilet when he chose to. Age 2 came and went, and we weren’t any closer to being finished. Did I miss the window of opportunity, or was he just not ready yet?
I stooped to the universally derided method of passing out candy every time my son gets on the potty. In fact, the poor little guy nearly gave himself a hernia because I had created a point system with gummy worms. If he sat on the toilet, he got half a worm. If he peed, he got one worm and if he pooped he got two worms. He would sit there groaning and moaning, straining to get that gummy worm. That policy had to be amended before permanent damage was done.
Training boys is different than training girls. I never had to say to my daughter, “Don’t touch your penis on the toilet,� or “You cannot poop standing up.�
With our daughter, we carried a plastic potty-training toilet in the back of our car so we could pull over in an emergency if she needed to pee.
My girlfriend enlightened me the other day that an emergency potty is unnecessary for boys. She claims any sealable water bottle will do the trick. A boy can stay locked in his car seat and pee into the bottle while you barrel down the highway. Seal it up and throw it away when you reach your destination.
Unless I’m competing in the Indy 500, I don’t think I’ll be doing this.
Permalink | Comments (40) | Categories: Family Life
What’s in a name?
How did you pick your baby’s name? What do you think of celebrity baby names?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One of the most important decisions a parent makes is what name they are going to stick their child with for the rest of his or her life! What were your requirements for picking a name? Whose vote had the most sway? Did you worry about other kids having the same name?
The Social Security Administration released its list of top names for 2005 a few weeks ago. (I was waiting until Brad and Angelina had their baby to discuss it.) The site is a fantastic resource for parents because you can search by year to see the most popular names and also search for a specific name to see how popular it has been in the past. You can search most popular names by state and by decade.
Also check out this “People” magazine site. It has a timeline of the slew of recent celebrity births and all the names they came up with, such as Shiloh for Brad and Angelina, Suri for Tom and Katie and Bluebell for Geri Halliwell (remember her – the Spice Girls). My personal favorite is Penn Jillette who named his baby Zolten.
Feel free to comment on the celebrity baby names as well.
Permalink | Comments (208) | Categories: Family Life
