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May 2006
Win free passes to see ‘Cars’
You don’t have to lie about your 3-year-old’s age to save money. We have 20 passes to a sneak preview to give away!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I took my kids to see “Over the Hedge� last week and spent $18.50 to get all three of us in! I questioned the girl who took the tickets. “How much is the child’s price for the matinee?� “$6,� she said. “How much is the adult ticket?� “$6.50
My little guy just turned 3 so we haven’t had to pay for him in the past. My friend asked why I didn’t just lie and say he was 2. I may sneak in Coke and candy (on a regular basis - $3.75 for M&Ms!!) but I would never lie about my child’s age. Do you sneak kids in as toddlers or teens in as kids? What about that candy and Coke? Or popcorn? (I have actually brought in popcorn and distributed to my kids in plastic baggies.)
And now onto the free tickets!!
To help with the cost of taking your kids to a summer movie, we have 20 free passes for the Disney-Pixar “Cars� screening on June 7. We will give five winners four passes each.
The special screening will be at 7 p.m. on June 7 at the AMC Parkway Pointe in Cobb County.
Please e-mail MOMania at ajcmomania@gmail.com by 5 p.m. today. We will pick the five winners randomly. We will notify the five winners Wednesday night, and the passes will be mailed to your home.
Please include in your e-mail: your real name, address and phone number. If you are a regular on the MOMania site, please do NOT include your usual screen name.
Permalink | Comments (19) | Categories: Family Life
Skulking around for a good cause
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
If a cop had been there, it wouldn’t have looked good.
The black SUV with dark-tinted windows slowly passed two teenage girls on bicycles, then turned into the closest driveway and reversed course. Pulling up next to the cyclists, the driver’s side window slowly opened.
“Hey girls, do you live in this neighborhood? How old are you?� I asked.
Suddenly, I realized how creepy I sounded. My quest for a summer babysitter had grown so desperate that I was stalking wholesome-looking teenage girls around my neighborhood. I quickly lowered the back window so they could see my two kids in their car seats and got to the point, “Do you guys ever baby sit?�
Summer is here, preschool is over and my kids are now home every day. I don’t need a full-time camp or day care, but I do need a mother’s helper for several hours a week so I can write, monitor my blog and get things done around the house.
I was searching for a 13- or 14-year old girl willing to play with my kids, keep them safe and maybe even teach them something. But, I don’t know any families with girls that age, and mothers are notoriously tight-lipped about sharing good babysitters.
I know plenty of college-age girls that are more than happy to minimally watch my kids for $9 an hour, but I’m not willing to pay that much when I’m actually at home.
I needed girls too young to drive and date, but old enough to be responsible for my kids.
My unorthodox search began the previous week when our dog ran away. I drove to the cul-de-sac he usually wanders toward. Three girls brought the dog out to the car.
The first girl said, “We bathed him.� The next one said, “We brushed him.� And the third girl, the oldest looking, said, “And we gave him a new name.�
The dog had been missing less than an hour. He now smelled like wet dog — not clean dog – and seemed to respond to his new name.
While their care bordered on dognapping, I did like the maternal instincts the girls exhibited.
Hmm. It’s only a small leap from caring for animals to caring for kids.
So the next day I returned to the cul-de-sac to try to get names, ages and phone numbers and to introduce myself to their parents (reduce that creepy factor).
I met two of the moms. They thought I was a little bit nuts — clearly they were past the stage where they needed babysitters — but were willing to help me out.
I also got names and phone numbers of the girls on the bikes. I jotted down my information on a napkin in case their parents wondered who was getting this personal information. (One of the girls was one of the dog washers.)
Later I called a couple of the girls. It’s tough to explain on an answering machine, “Uh, I met your daughter on the street in my neighborhood. I’m looking for a young girl to help out in my house …� I had a nice phone chat with the father of one girl and invited her and her mother over to see the house and meet the kids.
Now I have a mother’s helper for the summer starting this week (and hopefully a babysitter-in-training for the next five years).
Who’s keeping your kids this summer? How do you find good sitters?
Permalink | Comments (16) | Categories: Family Life
Did ABC ‘World News Tonight’ host get derailed by her pregnancy?
Has your career advancement been hurt by having a baby?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Have you ever lost a job, not been promoted, or not hired because of a pregnancy or the possibility of future pregnancies (not really legal, but we know it happens)? What role do you thing a woman’s fertility plays in building her career?
ABC announced this week that Charles Gibson would be replacing Elizabeth Vargas and Bob Woodruff as host of its “World News Tonight.�
Bob Woodruff was seriously injured reporting in Iraq in January. Elizabeth Vargas is pregnant and is due in August. Check out the story in The New York Times. The New York Times reports that Vargas will begin her maternity leave in May, and that it was her decision to leave the program. However, she did not address why she wouldn’t return as host to “World News Tonight� after her leave. She will be on 20/20.
What do you make of it ladies? Is it just that she needs a lower-pressure, less time-consuming job so she can care for her family and she is choosing this? Is it that the suits upstairs decided the team wasn’t working regardless of her fertility status, or did her pregnancy play a role?
How has your ability to reproduce affected your career?
Permalink | Comments (42) | Categories: General Frustrations of Motherhood
What milestone is worthy of a graduation ceremony?
Do preschoolers, kindergarteners, fifth-graders, eighth-graders all deserve graduations?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When do you think kids deserve and benefit from a graduation ceremony? What milestones are worth marking with a formal service?
I remember having a kindergarten graduation and that was it until my senior year in high school.
My daughter’s preschool had a precious little graduation ceremony last week. I cried for days leading up to it and through most of the service. It made sense to me for her to have some type of ceremony with closure because she was leaving the preschool. (They don’t offer kindergarten there.)
I guess in many cases fifth- and eighth-graders are leaving schools too, but that does seem like a lot of graduations.
When do you think a graduation ceremony is appropriate? What do you think it provides for the student and his family?
Permalink | Comments (38) | Categories: Education
Could teachers make better use of the last few weeks of school?
Are the kids and teachers too tired to learn any more?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My girlfriend was giving me the line-up for her child’s last week of second grade – class party on Wednesday and movies for basically the rest of the week. She felt like once the testing was over in April, the teachers were done for the year.
Do you think this is true for your child’s school? Do you think those last few weeks could be used more advantageously, or are the kids’ brains shut down so there’s no point in trying to introduce new material?
I know the books have to be put away and the classrooms taken apart but what about speakers to visit and talk about careers or summer safety lessons? Could those last few weeks be spent more effectively or are they fine just the way they are?
Permalink | Comments (77) | Categories: Education
Would you hike or swim with your kids alone?
Are there activities you feel vulnerable doing by yourself with your kids?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Are there any activities that you do with your kids that you feel like you need the back-up of another adult?
Last week my girlfriend and I took our kids hiking on wooded trails at two public parks. The second trail was at Stone Mountain. It’s not a long trail, but it is fairly secluded. My girlfriend asked me on the trail if I would bring the kids there alone. I immediately said no and she agreed. However her reasons were different than mine. She was worried about twisting an ankle or falling and not being able to get herself and the kids back to the car. That never even occurred to me, but I was worried about getting attacked by a rapist. (Her fear is probably more reasonable.)
I’m also uncomfortable taking the kids to certain pools by myself. I won’t go to our neighborhood pool (no lifeguard) or the Mountain Park pool (which is actually a water park) alone. I’m not convinced I could keep them both safe. I will go to our Y pool alone because there are life guards and plenty of shallow areas they can play in.
Are there any activities you don’t feel safe doing alone with your kids? Are there any places you don’t feel safe taking your kids by your self?
Permalink | Comments (16) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
Getting sick of time alone
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
What does it take for Mom to get a weekend to herself? How about a contagious intestinal illness.
I hadn’t been alone in my house overnight in more than five years. But after seven days of trying to care for the kids while keeping them out of my quarantined bedroom, my husband was desperate.
I woke up the Thursday before Mother’s Day to my husband saying, “What do you think about me taking the kids away for the weekend?�
His plan was to take our 5- and 3-year-old with him on a business trip to Alabama so I could recover at home (and he could stop worrying about catching the Norwalk virus).
I really wasn’t sure at first. He had never taken them both for longer than half a day and definitely never out of the state. “I don’t know,� I said. “You’ve got to be really careful in the pool. Are you sure you can handle it? You’ve got to pack them. Can you make the drive alone?�
But then I started to get the picture. I would be all alone in my house. I could watch whatever I wanted on TV. I could lie around, read a book and just get better without feeling guilty or worrying about my family getting sick. I got a little grin on my pasty face, and my protests stopped.
Before you head out to a dirty fast-food restaurant or eat some bad shellfish to try to get your own free weekend, let me warn you, there are a few downsides (besides the CAT scan):
When you have an illness that can take down entire cruise ships, people don’t want to visit you. I called everyone, but no one would come over except my parents. And they kept asking me where I had been sitting and wiping off doorknobs.
Most of the time, I would be happy at home, indulging in a rich meal, eating sweets and watching chick flicks. But because of the illness, I was on the 15th century French peasant diet — bread and water. Things got worse when the cable went out. The DVR was no help — filled with half a season of “Pinky Dinky Dooâ€? and 14 episodes of “Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends.â€?
My only company was the dog and fish, and I forgot to feed the fish. The dog, who isn’t allowed upstairs, apparently began to worry after I stayed in bed for 12 hours straight. He was the only living thing brave enough to come into my room.
When I was feeling a little bit better and decided to venture out, choices are limited when you’re taking multiple medications labeled “may cause dizziness� or “don’t operate heavy equipment.� I was reduced to begging for rides. Staring out the window, I was excited to see my 17-year-old neighbor pull up and pondered bumming a ride. But I didn’t want to get her sick, so I called my parents. “Mom, can you take me to Blockbuster?�
*As I was lying there trying to recover, I thought about were all the projects that needed to be accomplished. I always whine about being alone to get some work done, and here was my chance. So I shuffled around the house in my pajamas picking up, paying bills, pulling a few weeds, writing thank you notes and appealing our tax assessment. I spent Mother’s Day morning disinfecting the bathrooms, kitchen and all the linens so my kids and husband wouldn’t be afraid to come back home.
The biggest downside to the intestinal-illness-alone-time plan is too much time alone. Because I didn’t want my children to catch the virus, I hadn’t hugged them or held them for almost a week before they left town. Despite all my moaning about wanting to be alone, I missed my kids terribly.
The best part of my whole weekend, much better than any quiet solitude, was when my kids came home Mother’s Day night, sat in my lap, twirled my hair and told me all about their big adventure at the beach with Daddy.
Permalink | Comments (2) | Categories: General Frustrations of Motherhood
Do you want to pick next year’s teacher?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Does your school let you help pick your child’s teacher for next year? Do you want to choose? What do you base your pick on – the child’s personality, the teacher’s personality, the teacher’s reputation?
There’s wrangling going on at our preschool as parents try to get their kids placed next year with the teachers they like. For the most part, I trust our preschool directors to match my little guy with a teacher that he can learn from and get along with. In the past, I have only asked not to be matched with one teacher that I knew I didn’t mesh with.
My girlfriend down in Buckhead got to meet all the kindergarten teachers at her public school a few weeks ago and then name her top three choices for her son for the fall. We got to meet the kindergarten teachers at our Gwinnett public school, but we don’t get a choice. And honestly, I’m not sure I would be equipped to make it.
How do you feel about choosing teachers? Do you want to do it or leave it to fate?
Permalink | Comments (66) | Categories: Education
Is Dad capable of taking kids away for weekend?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Has your husband ever taken the kids on a solo trip? How did things go? Were you stressed out the whole time they were gone, or did you have confidence in his ability to care for the kids?
My husband took our two to the beach last weekend so I would have time to recover from being sick. I knew that he could feed them and dress them just fine. I was worried about him watching them closely enough in the pool and at the beach. I was also super freaked out about the balcony in the 10th floor condo. You turn your back for a second and they could be out the door and over the rail. (God forbid.)
I was excited about him having to pack for them (he’s never done that before), and I was excited about him having to take them to the public restroom (I always do that even when we’re both there.).
They made it back all in one piece — although my daughter’s outfit didn’t exactly match. They seem to ask for his help more when they returned. I think they bonded a lot on the trip.
Permalink | Comments (90) | Categories: Battles between Mom and Dad
Forming memories of Mom
What do you remember most about your mom? What do hope your kids will recall about you?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My mother lives just four miles from me in the house that we moved to when I was 5. In that house are boxes upon boxes she saved of our childhood clothes and toys – all in pristine condition. My daughter now has my Miss Piggy sheets on her bed and wears my old nightgowns to sleep in. She plays with my doll bed and reads my old books when visiting Mimi.
While I recall the old objects my mother pulls out of her dusty boxes, what stands out most in mind is the loving way she cared for us each and every day. My most concrete memories of her come from the kitchen. (I love to cook now, and I wonder if this is the reason why.)
She was never a fancy chef and now I’m not even sure she enjoyed cooking. But every day for more than 18 years she made us breakfast, lunch and dinner without fail. I’m not saying she put cereal in a bowl — she made grits and eggs or oatmeal or pancakes. Every morning we gathred at the table before our busy days began. On the rare occasion that my dad ate before us, she still managed to keep the grits from congealing (not an easy feat).
Each day, she handed me an unremarkable lunch at the door but always, always kissed me and said “I love you. Have a great day.� That sent me off to the bus stop in a good mood knowing I was loved. That has stuck with me. My children can’t get five feet from me without me blurting out “I love you.�
I can still hear my mother’s heels clicking on the kitchen linoleum as she raced around trying to get dinner going. She worked a full-day as an accountant before coming home to make a full dinner. She never served us frozen food or take-out. To this day, she still doesn’t know how to order a pizza.
I can remember sitting at the kitchen table puzzling over math homework while she pulled together spaghetti or baked chicken breasts. I could hear the meat sizzle and smell the bread cooking. She always had biscuits. (I am a breadaholic because of this.)
Stephan Hamann, associate professor of psychology at Emory University, is an expert on how memories are made and how emotion affects our memories. He’s not surprised that many of my memories involved food and repetitive acts.
He says that smells and taste involve both emotions and memory. Smells have a pretty direct route into the brain and that’s why those memories are strong, he says.
Experiences that happen over and over again are more likely to make it into your long-term memory, Hamann explains. However, you may lose details of the event and just have a general feeling about it.
Children may have their earliest “autobiographical memories,� memories they could tell someone about, around 3.5 years. He says they start to remember a lot of things around age 6.
“The brain is changing a lot over childhood. Some parts of the brain, like the frontal lobe, are not even completely developed until adolescence.�
For an experience to stay with a person it first has to be perceived and then paid attention to. For it to move from short term memory to long-term memory, you have to pay attention to it again. If the experience was emotional, then it has a better chance of being saved into long-term memory. Also, the more you talk about the experience the more likely it is to be saved as well.
So lately, as I care for my kids, I wonder what from these precious years is going to stick with them. Will it be the times I lose my patience and yell at them or will it be when we bake cupcakes together or play in the sprinkler out back?
Permalink | Comments (5) | Categories: What kind of Mom are you?
Conversations with Mom
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Theresa is out sick….but getting better.
In the meantime, we thought you might like a topic AJC reporter Gayle White has been exploring: Mother-daughter conversations.
They can be some of the the most infuriating, powerful and meaningful talks of our lives. Gayle has gathered some reader recollections that will appear Saturday in the newspaper.
What was one of the most memorable conversations you had with your mother?
Permalink | Comments (9) | Categories: What kind of Mom are you?
What happens when momma’s sick?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’ve been sick for seven days. They have finally figured out I have the Norwalk virus (with an inflamed colon). (That thing you catch on cruise ships and apparently suburban fast food restaurants.) They sent me to the hospital for a CT scan on Tuesday, and I threw up on the machine. Not good! They put me on Cipro – the antibiotic for Anthrax — that doesn’t bode well either. Since Tuesday, I have been in a drugged-up sleep-a-thon, hoping to awake when it’s all over.
So my husband, my parents and some good friends have all coordinated to take care of the kids. The kids don’t seem to mind at all – they’re happy to see more of daddy and their grandparents. I have been phoning directions to the caregivers from my bedroom to their cell phones (Don’t forget the hot dogs for field day.) A few things have slipped through the cracks — a few bills are over due, money hasn’t been transferred over and my Sunday column probably won’t be written (I’m probably going to celebrate Mother’s Day one week late – sorry).
I just wanted you guys to know where I was — this took way too much energy and I’m dizzy. So chat amongst yourselves about what happens at your house when momma gets sick! I’m going back to bed.
Permalink | Comments (20) | Categories: General Frustrations of Motherhood, Health
Bad boys, bad boys – whatcha gonna do?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I recently got an e-mail from a childhood friend who said her 4-year-old son had been expelled from preschool. He was accused of bullying another little boy and the other family was threatening to sue the school.
My friend tried to defend her son by sending excerpts from “Facts for Families, American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatrists, 2004,â€? basically stating that 4-year-olds are still developing and may react negatively at times. The article went on to say that, “They may test the rules; refuse to cooperate with family routines, become aggressive.”
Obviously she doesn’t believe it’s OK for her child to hurt another child, but she also felt his behavior was in the normal realm for a 4-year-old.
I know my own little fellow (who just turned 3) has spent more than his fair share of time down in the “principal’s office� this year. He wrestles and tackles the other little guys in his class and has on occasion bitten his “best friend,� as he calls him. One day, my daughter and son were both in the office!
Have our standards changed for acceptable behavior from little boys? Were they allowed to be more rough-and-tumble in the past? Are we expecting behavior that is not in their genetic make-up?
Permalink | Comments (72) | Categories: Education
Something to say? Please, come sit by me
Starved for conversation, I've become a Mom pick-up artist. Do you think stay-at-home moms are lonelier than moms who go to an office?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The Terminix man knows. So does the dry cleaning lady, the mailman, the Pak Mail guy, the preschool director and my babysitter’s mother.
They all know not to engage me in conversation because I won’t shut up!
I respond to even the most cursory question with a rambling account of what my neighbors did to their yard, what I served for dinner last night and what the baby did on the potty.
I have always loved to talk. I used to get in trouble in school for it, and as an adult will gab equally to the homeless guy on the street as to the cashier at my grocery store.
I’ve never been shy and have a knack for finding a connection — no matter how tenuous — with anyone I happen upon. (So you say your uncle went to Notre Dame. That’s such a coincidence. My uncle didn’t go to college). These were valuable skills to have as a reporter, but as a stay-at-home mom the incessant need to chat just makes me pathetic.
Before children, I had hundreds of people to talk with at the newspaper. I went from floor to floor gabbing.
The first week I was home alone with my new baby girl was a tremendous shock. No seatmates to talk with and only two girlfriends who were at home with their kids* each at least 45 minutes away.
Without my workplace friends, I needed a new social outlet. Some people have favorite bars or restaurants, I had the Nordstrom nursing lounge. I would wait like a spider for a new mom to stroll into my web. Once the baby had latched on, I knew she was helpless, with no way to escape my conversation. I would ask how old her baby was. This generally led to a discussion of giving birth, nursing, changing diapers, being home and what we did in our pre-baby lives.
I’m just as bad on the playground. After five years, I’m like a professional mom pick-up artist: “How old’s your baby? What preschool do they attend? Where did do get your daughter’s dress?�
I’ll chat with moms, dads, grandmas — anyone who appears to be with a child (and sometimes even dog owners). Most moms are willing to chat back, so I don’t think I’m the only lonely one.
I’ve found some are even less shy than me. Sitting around the sandbox watching our kids dig, moms will reveal the most intimate details about their lives — how long they avoided sex after the baby was born, what their kid’s poop looks like and details about their attempts to get pregnant that would make even Paris Hilton blush.
New research suggests that because of the transient nature of our society, many Americans are confiding in mere acquaintances that they only see in public places, such as the gym, the train or the ball field. The term for this is “anchored relationships.�
Researchers Calvin Morrill, David Snow and Cindy White explained in The New York Times Magazine that because Americans often live away from friends and family these types of relationships help fulfill their needs. The families you see at the ballet studio and the soccer fields become “floating communities.� And you talk with them like folks did in the old days on the back porch.
This research makes me feel less like a lonely loser. However, in this new society where the lady at the playground is my new short-term best friend, I am having a hard time convincing my kids not to talk to strangers!
Permalink | Comments (45) | Categories: General Frustrations of Motherhood
Are stay-at-home moms worth $134,121?
How much are you getting paid to be home with your kids?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
What is a stay-at-home mom worth to her family?
Well, according to www.salary.com she should be worth up to $134,121. The site talked to moms about how they spend their time and divided their work week into the jobs they do most often. The jobs included housekeeper, day care center teacher, cook, janitor and van driver to name a few. The salary was figured by what those jobs normally pay per hour. By the way in the site’s calculations, moms get paid for overtime!
Moms who work outside the home weren’t left out of the study. According to the site’s calculations “working Moms would earn $85,876 annually for the ‘mom job’ portion of their work, in addition to their actual ‘work job’ salary.�
Check out the site to calculate your own salary.
Is this number total nonsense or worthwhile so husbands and children appreciate how much moms do? What do you get paid to take care of your family?
Permalink | Comments (63) | Categories: Battles between Mom and Dad
Has your child developed a Southern drawl?
Are there parts of Southern culture you want him to pick up? Are there parts you would like him to avoid?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Has your child developed a Southern accent? Do you want him too?
If you’re a transplant to Atlanta, are you embarrassed for the relatives up North to hear his new drawl?
I’ve lived in Atlanta almost my whole life and consider myself very Southern. I was so disappointed when we moved to New York City and no one could tell I was from Georgia! I guess I don’t have much of an accent. So far my kids don’t either.
But even if my kids don’t sound like they’re from the South, there are parts of it we want them to love just like we do. Georgia football is number one on our list. Loving barbecue ribs and country music are also on the list.
Are you promoting Southern culture to your kids? What parts of it do you want them to absorb? What parts do you want them to avoid?
Permalink | Comments (288) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
What’s the going rate for the Tooth Fairy?
How much are you willing to pay your child for his baby teeth? Why is it so doggone exciting when they lose a tooth?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My newly turned 5-year-old daughter lost her first tooth last night!
It was completely unexpected. We were all flossing our teeth before bed (would make her dentist proud) and she said “Look, my tooth.� And her bottom center tooth had just fallen out. We called my husband (who was playing poker!), then her grandparents and then her best little buddy. I even cried a little – she was so excited!
So the question is how much money do we need to leave under her pillow for that itty, bitty tooth? And why is it so exciting, and yes, even emotional, for your child to lose her first tooth?
My brother recently left $4 under my niece’s pillow. A friend told me she knew another mom who left $10 for each tooth.
How much are you leaving?
Permalink | Comments (39) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
