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DEL.ICIO.USAre you having more sex than the average?
You may be doing better than you think!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It seems like husbands are always the first to complain that they’re not getting it enough – but what is enough? How do you know how you compare to other married couples? Maybe you’re actually getting lucky a lot? Well, here’s some help figuring out where you stand.
According to an article in the May 2006 edition of Esquire magazine, the national average for men having sex is 58 times a year.
The article doesn’t tell us how they arrived at that number. Since it offers no explanation, I am assuming it includes married and singles. I avoided stats class in college, but wouldn’t that number be the same for women? I guess not if they were including man-on-man sex as well, but it doesn’t specify on that either.
Nevertheless, I like this number because we are, thankfully, above it.
The article goes on to say that the more often a man has sex, the longer he will live. (Oh boy, I can hear the argument now, “But honey if you want me to live longer, you’ll do it with me!)
It says that if a man has sex 116 times a year, he will add 1.6 years to his life. If he has sex 350 times a year, he will add 8 years. (That’s got to be with different women because even the nicest wives aren’t putting out that much.)
Alice, the MOMania researcher, found a bunch of other fun sex stats for us, but I’m going to wait and dole those out later.
Tell us how your number compares to the national average and if your husband thinks your number is acceptable or too low. Remember you’re anonymous – I’m the one with my name and photo at the top of the page.
Permalink | Comments (267) | Categories: Battles between Mom and Dad
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By trudy
April 19, 2006 07:12 AM | Link to this
Does sex mean actual intercourse? Or just ejaculation? Because a man could reach the 8 year goal all by himself, if you know what I mean ;)
A sidebar on anonymity—how anonymous are we on this board, really? Because, Theresa, I have seen you “out” people’s various monikers on a couple of occassions. Just sayin’
By smomma
April 19, 2006 08:06 AM | Link to this
Morning all,
Ok…since Theresa is the one who brought this up, I have a question that isn’t very appropriate to ask people but I really have been curious to know. Like I said, since Theresa brought it up…..Ok, here goes (I can’t believe I am actually going to post this) How many positions do you and your partner use? My Husband and I have about 8 that we frequently use. So, out of curiosity…is 8 alot, or are we boring?
By Joe
April 19, 2006 08:15 AM | Link to this
Oh wow, this topic was somewhat of a shocker! One way to perk up my morning :-) I just hope that the browser’s subject heading does not set off any alarms back in the IT room. I guess I had better be careful what I write. Did I mention how knowledgeable and technically gifted the IT guy is??
Mrs. Joe and I are “above average” relative to the national mean. However, our intimate life is a shadow of its former self. I am sure that this is a normal phenomenon. However, it is not that we are hohum bored with our married existence. We still have an insanely volatile chemistry. The main obstacle is our 4-year-old, who will not go to sleep without her Mommy. She also has some kind of weird sex sense. I am not kidding. Especially when she was younger, she would sense intimacy and wake up screaming. There was even the one time, when she was 2, that she woke up, got out of bed, walked into the living room and stood observing for a moment before she announced her wailing presence. I pray that the episode is not remembered. Could you imagine???!!! Your parents naked and entwined as one of your earliest memories??!!
We are also having to be careful pawing at each other (ok…yes, I am the primary pawer). The kids are starting to notice. Problem is…we are a close knit family. Sometimes, I can get them engrossed in a DVD, but we do not banish them to a “kid’s room” on Saturday mornings or evenings. I am not sure how one pulls off spontaneous intimacy behind the veil of parenthood.
My youngest child does have her own bed, which she uses occassionally. Unfortunately, it is in our room. I have long given up the notion of sending her to bed in her own room (another windmill joust, Don Quixote?). I am now focused on just getting her to bed, her own, without being petted, sung to, read to, or otherwise attached to her Mother.
By distantALsavga
April 19, 2006 08:20 AM | Link to this
morning all, can’t wait till the crew fires up on this and then i will add my response, later.
By past50mom
April 19, 2006 08:28 AM | Link to this
Theresa, Your intros usually includes your own experiences, sooo…..you go first, then I will share : )
By Jason
April 19, 2006 08:29 AM | Link to this
The wife and I get it on about 4+ times a week—sometimes more, sometimes less. A nice Saturday with no obligations might be 3 times on it’s own, but we both work and weekday nookie isn’t as frequent as it could be.
So for the year, I’m saying about 220 times. Toss in about 50 orals with that too.
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 08:34 AM | Link to this
Hey Trudy — I think I’ve outed two people in six months — one lady attacked my children and the other person said his kid had died (and I’m not completely sure that was true) — Plus we still don’t know their real names - I just pointed out their behavior under different log ons — so still anonymous —
Joe - We are also co-sleepers —our kids wonder in and out — They always start out in their own beds so as long as we’re done by 2 or 3 in the morning then we’re OK — We have been walked in on one time by our daughter who was trying to come into out bed — not only do we now lock our bedroom door, we put a coffee table up against it —
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 08:37 AM | Link to this
Past50mom - I did say my number was over the average — I had a little more detail than that last night and my husband freaked out so that’s all you’re gonna get —
Jason do you have kids??? I’m thinking you don’t YET— I’m also thinking you have a really nice wife!! Tell her she’s extended your life — and I’m not sure we can say the little o word — I’ll have to ask on that - it didn’t bleep it but the computer aint that bright
By jen
April 19, 2006 08:42 AM | Link to this
Okay I am not the usual female but I want it everyday 2 or 3 times a day. But my dh does not feel the same so all I can say is thank goodness for toys. So therefore, we are below average.
By Robin
April 19, 2006 08:56 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Everyone!
Unfortunately, My Darling Husband and I are below the national average. OF course, the fact that our 17 month old daughter sleeps right in between us, has EVERYTHING to do with our lack of sex!
By Joe
April 19, 2006 09:03 AM | Link to this
For me, on a good week twice. My wife however, about once every ten days.
By myalibi
April 19, 2006 09:10 AM | Link to this
Well we are definitely over the average, but of course my husband still complains. I think it is a natural male instinct to complain about it whenever he isn’t actually engaging in “relations” at that moment. I guess we average 2-3 times a week, with random 2-3 times a day (usually no kids home on those days) thrown in.
We lock the bedroom door when we are gettin down & dirty in there so we don’t have to worry about the kids walkin in. It is when we are doing the deed in front of the fireplace that we have to worry LOL
I specifically kept my kids in their own bed from the time they came home from the hospital (unless they were sick) so that I would not have to worry about them sleeping with us.
I’m going to call my hubby right now and let him know he is above the national average :o)
By Whatever
April 19, 2006 09:11 AM | Link to this
Jen. Women like you absolutely scare me. I was once involved with a woman who was like this. She could not even go to sleep at night until she got off. The problem with this type of woman was that she was quick to stoop to the level of cheating as well. This type of woman burns your insides because she is adamant about her “sex every day” (or however many times a day), and the first time you have to be away from her you wonder if she is out getting it from somewhere else, because after all SHE HAS TO HAVE IT, like a sickness. Knowing what I know now I could never get involved with a woman on a serious level who places so much stock in sex.
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 09:15 AM | Link to this
Robin — that will get better - you will be get less tired - it’s very hard to be excited about anything when you’re taking care of a baby —
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 09:18 AM | Link to this
Oh for the love of God in heaven…Theresa….I love you girl. This will be a fun day!!!! OK…sex….first of all, I LOVE it. And with three kids, time is an issue.. Recently, my mother has moved in with us. We built an addition for her, so she definitely has her own space. But as you can imagine….we have had to get pretty creative as of late. Keeping in mind that we are both in our 30’s…still very young and limber:) I would say our sex life is above the average. But only because we try….hard. We have on ocassion had to schedule the lovin’. Which was cool…there was no pretense…we knew we needed to get busy fast…something to be said for the quickie!! But are we including oral exams in this average? Because sometimes that is all we have time for. If I had to give a number, counting in orals, I would say 3 times a week….average. Do we dare even explore locations???? In truth, our bedroom sees very little action:)
By bug
April 19, 2006 09:18 AM | Link to this
we may be close to average but my wife continues to try to tell me we are above average. O magic has all but ceased, few positions to boot. She wants me to believe I’ve got it better than most men - I don’t know - if these posts are honest, I’m thinking something is awry. Summary - below average. My age=39, wife age = 32, kids 12 and 8.
By Praying & Hoping
April 19, 2006 09:19 AM | Link to this
I am not married but as a single my sex count per year is drastically low. I am praying and hoping that one day I get married and have all joys that come with it.
By SingleDad
April 19, 2006 09:25 AM | Link to this
I would just about kill to have a wife that was adament about having sex everyday. My new wife (hence, I’m not SingleDad anymore) and I have 5 kids between us ages 6, 10, 14, 17 and 20. We average about 4 times a week. I would love it if she would just go into a sexual frenzy all day on the weekends, but reality steps in. Multiple times a day is icing on the cake, but it’s always once and we’re done. I am very happy as I love my wife and not everything’s gonna be just like I want it. The kids are absolutely NOT allowed in our bedroom (even during the day)and especially if the door is closed. Rules like that add to a little structure and guidelines. I am much more open minded and adventurous, while my wife is capable of ‘getting off” 3 or 4 times during our lovemaking. Doing it once just gets my blood circulating and makes me even more eager. Alas, compromises must be made and I do it wholeheartedly because of our love for each other. In spite of that, even my wife says “Once every three days isn’t enough”. I guess I should count my lucky stars.
By Lmay
April 19, 2006 09:25 AM | Link to this
I have visited this blog a few times and thought it had some interesting topics, however, this one is just over the line, Theresa, this is the last time I will visit your blog, if I wanted to be in a sex chat I would log onto the internet on some other site. Why did you have to take a nice daily chat and turn it into something trashy. No one else needs to know about your personal sex life. And how many times a week you have an intimate relationship with your partner is very private thing and the number of times is different for everyone and “okay” for each individual couple. It doens’t mean anyone is normal or not normal. Anyways, you have just lost a fellow blogger…….Enjoy yourself
By SingleDad
April 19, 2006 09:29 AM | Link to this
Incidentally, “oral exams” are absolutely fabulous! Oh yes, and I’m the giver. Receiving is nice, but I would much prefer the doing the giving and my wife appreciates that.
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 09:31 AM | Link to this
Lmay….can you say PRUDE??? My God, if you don’t like the topic…here’s a thought. Wait for it……don’t comment! Or better yet, once you view the topic title…move on skippy!
By SingleDad
April 19, 2006 09:32 AM | Link to this
Lmay, relax and be open minded a little. Look around you, this subject is the topic in many books, magazine articles and constantly presented to us on the TV. Hence, it is more important in most peoples lives then it obviously is in yours.
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 09:33 AM | Link to this
I am sorry that Lmay is offended - not trying to be offensive — actually think this can be constructive for marriages — put things into perspective for both parties — also would like to say that this week is our 6-month anniversary here at at MOMania and we’ve only had sex as a topic once - so I don’t think we’ve tried to be salacious (spelling) —
Single Dad — I tend to read fast— did you say 4 times a week?? ANd you want it more?? I think she’s doing great — holy cow!! again I’m bad at math but that’s over 200 times a year — way, way over the national average — I think that’s a great wife!!
By jen
April 19, 2006 09:33 AM | Link to this
Yes I like sex but I don’t have to have it before I go to sleep. Do I prefer it heck yes but I have learned to take care of myself and that solves any problems. Whatever if I scare you that just means you can’t take it.
By Dave
April 19, 2006 09:36 AM | Link to this
Sex….before I was married 2-3 times a week…after marriage 3-4 times every 6 months…..I guess I married a NUN, oops I mean NONE.
By TDub
April 19, 2006 09:37 AM | Link to this
Theresa, I’m glad you brought this up! My wife and I have this conversation all the time. Based on the stats given by Esquire, we are waaaayyyyy over the national average. We were beginning to wonder if we were freaks or something. Fifty-eight times a year? OMG, I would explode if that’s all I got a year!
@smomma 8 positions sounds about right!
Wifey and I are more along the lines of Jason. We probably do it about 250 times a year! And we’ve been doing this since we’ve been married and we’ve been married almost 9 years.
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 09:41 AM | Link to this
Whatever….Jen’s ideal world is one we all want to live in. I would LOVE to make love with my husband multiple times day and every night! Who doesn’t want that? But real life has a tendency of not catering to our fantasies. Lay off Jen. She is brave enough to say what we all really want. It isn’t necessarily more sex we all crave….but more intimacy. Go get some…intimacy that is:)
By Captain Sparrow
April 19, 2006 09:45 AM | Link to this
This is laughable:
“It says that if a man has sex 116 times a year, he will add 1.6 years to his life. If he has sex 350 times a year, he will add 8 years.”
Yeah well what they DON’T tell you is that if a man stays married to the same nagging hag woman he almost always dies before she does.
Regarding sex, so long as there’s porn, this single guy doesn’t need a woman for intercourse.. along the lines of what “trudy” said at the top. Besides, I’m saving a boatload of money (literally as I can actually afford a boat now), don’t have to listen to constant b!tching and nagging, and don’t have to worry about what I’ll say after busting my @ss all day at work that will be taken the wrong way at home.
By GB
April 19, 2006 09:45 AM | Link to this
twice since Jan 1, 2006. I’m 48, husband is 40.
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 09:46 AM | Link to this
Captain Sparrow….sounds like you need to sail your boat to Amsterdam. They only nag if you pay them.
By jen
April 19, 2006 09:48 AM | Link to this
That was good Jesse’s Girl
By smomma
April 19, 2006 09:48 AM | Link to this
Dave - Ouch!! Did you say 3-4 times every 6 months?!? Sex is such a vital and healthy part of marriage. Perhaps there is something that needs to be resolved to boost your numbers. Are either of you on medication? Some medications can drastically impact sexual activity. In my marriage I have found that the better my husband and I are getting along the more often we have sex. When we are not communicating and not getting along we typically don’t “express our love” as often. Perhaps you and your wife are in need of counseling?
By TDub
April 19, 2006 09:51 AM | Link to this
Twice since Jan 1, 2006? Damn, damn, Damn!
By N. Bluth
April 19, 2006 09:51 AM | Link to this
smomma - Care to list the 8?? JK
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 09:51 AM | Link to this
Oh lord —Me and Jsutin have woopee three to four times a day. We do it everywhere we can - Justin is so Crazy and a wild stallion. He is a beast!!
By Homeschool Mom
April 19, 2006 09:52 AM | Link to this
18+ years of marriage, we’re both 40;2 boys ages 13 and 15 and we have sex at least 5 times per week…looking forward to it gets me through the day! I’ve always figured we were above the average (at least we seem to be with those we know) so my Hubby is much envied among the guys at work!
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 09:54 AM | Link to this
People need to be wild and crazy its good for life!! I going to go wake up Justin now— All this talk is making me crazy!! Bye you all!!
By Whatever
April 19, 2006 09:54 AM | Link to this
Well I guess I should set the record straight. First of all I do enjoy sex and have had great intimacy throughout my adult life. I have also been very fortunate to have had a pretty adventurous sex life to this point in my life (I am mid 30’s). I guess I just see life nowadays as so much more serious than sex, as it seems so many are making a big deal about it on this blog. Many of you seem so sex starved. This is something that my wife and I don’t even make a big deal about. No averages, no counts. Just if there is a feeling for it, do it. If not, let’s just enjoy the day that we have been given as the great friends that we are along with our kids. We really have a no pressure relatonship that flows quite well in all aspects. We rarely disagree about anything and never sweat sex especially.
By TDub
April 19, 2006 09:55 AM | Link to this
That’s what I’m talking bout, Tamika!
By GB
April 19, 2006 09:55 AM | Link to this
Tdub…yes, twice since 1/1…and we are worn out from it
By Captain Sparrow
April 19, 2006 09:55 AM | Link to this
Hey Jesse’s ’80s Girl…
Amsterdam is a little far. Besides, the amount of drugs Amsterdamers use makes South Americans look like a church choir.
I’m thinking of a nice Brazilian woman off the coast of South America. I have given up looking in North America for a decent woman.
By Homeschool Mom
April 19, 2006 09:57 AM | Link to this
Almost forgot…as far as positions…let me suggest a deck of cards that we got at Starship on Memorial Dr…used them last night when we couldn’t decide…just shuffle the deck and one of you draws a card…definitely makes you try new things :)
By smomma
April 19, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this
N. Bluth - lol…I don’t mind sharing (albeit in a mild non-titillating way) if you really want to know.
By TDub
April 19, 2006 09:59 AM | Link to this
smomma-Now I’ve got to hear this!
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 09:59 AM | Link to this
Wow I need a Cigarette now—- Lord Oh Lord- I tell you that man is Crazy.
By TDub
April 19, 2006 10:00 AM | Link to this
Wow that was fast Tamika!
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 10:00 AM | Link to this
Capn’….I bet you play Halo!:)Seriously…on behalf of all the women who have chewed you up and spit you out, I apologize. Obviously someone has really burned you. Have you ever considered a singles night somewhere? Some churches have them with no obligation to join said church. Also, I am in the process of helping my mother register at eharmony.com. It looks pretty cool! Maybe you should try something like that. And don’t bother looking outside the U.S….there are plenty of women crossing our border as we speak!
By smomma
April 19, 2006 10:01 AM | Link to this
Homeschool Mom - I want some cards!! But, I have to ask, are they graffic? Or do they show the posistion in a non-porny way?
By SingleDad
April 19, 2006 10:03 AM | Link to this
My first wife did the same thing. Before marrage it was most every night. On the honeymoon, it was once during that week in the islands. After that, it was once or twice every month or so. We entered counceling and she decided I was a sex addict. We went to a specialist and he told me on our last session (after many group sessions) “You’ve been duped”. She actually told me once that we couldn’t do it because she wasn’t ovulating. I started wondering, “Man, I must be AWFUL in bed!” My current wife, after we dated for 5 years told me the exact opposite. I think it all boils down to the intimacy (not the sex, obviously)you see between your parents. If you are shown that intimacy and the resulting benefits are not dirty, nasty and an act for the men to enjoy and the woman to endure, you have a more open outlook on everything. It’s very connecting, brings the two of you closer, plus it feels great and can be loads of fun. Try it, you might like it.
By trudy
April 19, 2006 10:04 AM | Link to this
@CS You may end up sticking with your tug boat, Cap’n. Brazilian women nag, but the accent makes it sound sexy.
By Heather
April 19, 2006 10:07 AM | Link to this
Ok, I’m single mom w/2 kids ages 5 & 2. My significant other will be moving in by the end of the month and I have to say, we are above the national average. Heck, I think we’ve already beaten the average in 2006 alone! The weekends when the kids are with their dad, clothing is not an option. We usually get out of bed to eat then back we go! I’d say on average 3 times a week, but the kid free weekends, at least 6 times. Add oral and he’s a very very happy man.
I too hope this subject time won’t get me in trouble with my IT department but I’m willing to come back and check the responses today!
By hot_mama
April 19, 2006 10:14 AM | Link to this
When we are getting along its about every 2 or 3 days. Hubby wants it every day, and complains regularly that its not enough. And by it I mean he wants me to make him climax, and not through intercourse. I would prefer to have s-x every other day, but he seems to prefer the other which isn’t as fun for me. I have noticed something interesting - if we are having an argument and I still fool around with him then he seems to think the problem/issue is gone.
By smomma
April 19, 2006 10:14 AM | Link to this
Ok I will post a few. It sounds like Homeschool Mom could teach me a few things though! Most of them are pretty standard. Missionary(of course), Cowboy, reverse cowboy, doggy, (I don’t really know the name for the rest) the one where you make a letter “T”, doggy where you lay down on your side(great for when you just want to sleep but your husband really needs it), missionary off the bed( women hanging off bed, man standing up - very good for double stimulation as the man’s hands are free and there is easy access), then standing-up. Those are our regulars.
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 10:18 AM | Link to this
Sharman— How do you use a Tug Boat— Does that not hurt?
People Should have alot of Jinga Junga.
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 10:19 AM | Link to this
@ Smomma….I predict some hate posts directed at you today. How dare you describe “hands free-easy acces”:) Email me the rest please!!!!
By jahnusy
April 19, 2006 10:19 AM | Link to this
OK I picked a great day to pop in to AJC fa sho! My man and I, are waaaaaaay above average. I mean honestly i demand it every day. I tell him he gets one week a month off, and i mean that. Saturday/Sunday all day. I try to have the kids out of the house on the weekends(we have 4yr old twins) because though they will not bust in, you will hear a series of “ILL i think they’re kissin! Yuck and giggles”.. which are not condusive to X rated experience at all. But yeah i get to go home and tell him i’ve added 8 plus years to his life. I sure am glad i gotta young one (he - 26 me -35) cause i haven’t even hit my stride yet and I’d hate for him to burn out.
By Margaret
April 19, 2006 10:20 AM | Link to this
This is a disgusting and Sinful topic
You all should be ashamed of your selves— There is no need to Bring your bedroom into Public. God will punish those that Sin—
This is so bad and disgusting.
By TDub
April 19, 2006 10:21 AM | Link to this
smomma-the one where you make a “T”? I’ve never heard of that one!
By Homeschool Mom
April 19, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this
The cards are “porny” at all and were only like $5…now if I can just convince my hubby that we REALLY don’t have a good place to hang a sex swing :)
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this
guys —I’m really not sure we’re allowed to say that about the positions — I need to talk with my boss — i gave you a good topic— dont’ get me fired —!!
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this
What is the national Average?
By Homeschool Mom
April 19, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this
The cards aren’t “porny” at all and were only like $5…now if I can just convince my hubby that we REALLY don’t have a good place to hang a sex swing :) that the boys won’t notice…plus the dog sleeps in the bedroom with us and he might look at us rather oddly :)
By TDub
April 19, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this
And yet Margaret you are here too!
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 10:24 AM | Link to this
Magaret— You are crazy Girl!!
Sounds like you need a man in your life and the I think you would be Sinning all the time too then!!
By TDub
April 19, 2006 10:24 AM | Link to this
Oops! Sorry Theresa!
By hot_mama
April 19, 2006 10:24 AM | Link to this
Before my current hubby I loved s-x more and wanted it every day. Needless to say I picked him for reasons other than being a good lay. Anyway - See all you other “sinners” on the road to h-e-l-l!
By smomma
April 19, 2006 10:25 AM | Link to this
Jesse’s Girl - LOL! Bring on the hate. I have never been shy about my sex life and I am always more than happy to share when people ask. Sex is so important in marriage and I can’t tell you how many times I have given my friends advice on sex.
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 10:26 AM | Link to this
Well Miss Tamika has 890 sexes a year
By smomma
April 19, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this
Theresa - oops sorry!! no more position talk! promise!
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 10:29 AM | Link to this
Sex is the foundation of a good long lasting marriage— It makes me happy and Justin happy— I just hope his Juliga Juliga— Never goes limpy pimpy!
Shout out to all the Lovers out there
Margaret get to church you heathan!!
By Bill
April 19, 2006 10:29 AM | Link to this
only 11 times in the last 16 months….boy does in inhale rapidly….she could go forever without it…sure makes it hard on me
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 10:29 AM | Link to this
thank you!
By smomma
April 19, 2006 10:30 AM | Link to this
Oh Margaret. I honestly feel so very very sorry for you.
By TDub
April 19, 2006 10:30 AM | Link to this
@Tamika 890 sexes a year? C’mon now shawty!
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 10:31 AM | Link to this
My sister has gone 5 years with out any Shakak Laka. Thats a long time!!!!!!!!!!
By Susie
April 19, 2006 10:33 AM | Link to this
Well I’d say if you are both happy with how often, then there is no “correct” answer to how much is enough.
I have friends who just don’t want it and will make up any excuse to their husbands to get out of it. I can’t imagine, but it takes all kinds, I guess.
I can tell you that having kids didn’t slow my husband and me down. That’s the one thing that was juuuuuust fine, right up to the end of our marriage. :D Too bad you really can’t base a marriage just on physical chemistry alone!
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 10:33 AM | Link to this
GB posted earlier and I’m wondering if Bill is in the same boat — she was 48 — I’m wondering if Bill’s wife is older — I really think for some women the sex drive is cylical (spelling) - based on the eb and flow of their cycles — and if the woman is pre-menopausal or menopausal and her hormones are getting lower than I think (not a doctor but love to play one) that could definitely lower her sex drive — GB do you think that’s part of what’s going on?
By Bill
April 19, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this
both early 40’s…wish I knew what to do to fix it…
By TDub
April 19, 2006 10:37 AM | Link to this
I agree with Susie. I mean it really doesn’t matter how much you and your mate does it, as long as both of you can deal with the lack of or the abundance of sex that you are getting. Now if one of the mates is wanting it all the time and the other doesn’t. Then they are setting themselves up for some serious problems down the line.
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 10:40 AM | Link to this
TDub— My Justin and I are very very very active— sometimes 2-3 times in one hour.
By smomma
April 19, 2006 10:42 AM | Link to this
Ok ok…I just had to post this…but I am still giggling from Margaret’s “GOD WILL PUNISH THOSE WHO SIN!!!!!!!” you disgusting sinners, you! Ok, I gotta go finish my giggle fit now!
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 10:43 AM | Link to this
Hey Bill — Well I think (again not a doctor) that hormone replacement could help that some — but here’s the kicker — lots of the hormone replacement therapy has been linked to some increases in cancer — so you could have your wife want to have sex more often but die sooner — that’s quite a trade off — Are there any other 40 or 50 something ladies that want to comment - have any of you experienced this?? Has anybody found a solution that doesn’t involve maybe a higher chance of some cancers??
By TDub
April 19, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this
Well you go girl! Wait a minute…..is Justin a real guy or some “toy” you picked up at Starship, Loveshack, or my favorite….New York Video?
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 10:45 AM | Link to this
I think we have gone a bit off topic here. Susie makes an excellent point. Every marriage is different. Some are very sexually compatible, while others are hit and miss. Men really do not have a clue as to what we go thru hormonally. And most of us are also the primary caretakers of the little ones. You’d be a mazed at how we have to psyche ourselves up at times! You guys are good to go without any transition phase. And your brains are very often unengaged during the actual act. Love making for us is very cerebral….our heads must be in the right place. And sometimes…no matter how much we want them to be…they just aren’t! So, there are many issues at hand for us gals. Perhaps if your woman is uninterested, you should look at the load she has on her shoulders. Are the kids demanding too much…are you? I can tell you right now….if Mr. Jesse helps me about the house, I get “excited”. When things are in order…it makes it a lot easier on me and my racing mind! Men….you know I love ya….but if you are unhappy with your personal average, you need to be a little introspective. You’d be amazed at how adventurous we can be when the wolves of everyday life aren’t constantly beating down our door!!!
By Margaret
April 19, 2006 10:45 AM | Link to this
I do love MOST of the Mom topics—
But this one is out of line. It is Sinful to bring your bedroom life out into public. It is crude and disgusting. Plus most of the people now a day dont wait until marrige for Sex. That is so shamful in the eyes our our Lord.
Sinners
By buddy
April 19, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this
margaret, it is sinful to talk about sex with your spouse?!?!!?? this is not a public place , this is a private blog that you get on to talk, if you choose to. it is not on the front of the ajc for everyone to see, now that is public ! so maggie, you chose to cum here and cast stones, you better get to church, that is a sin my friend ! read your bible or whatever you are into . and if you are married, and not making love to your man, believe me, he resents you and is surely having thoughts of others !
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 10:48 AM | Link to this
TDub— Justin is my hot beautiful husband for 21 GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT years!! I love you JUSTIN!!!!! I am Cray over that man like it was day one. That hottie ROCKS my world!!
By TDub
April 19, 2006 10:48 AM | Link to this
Now how is it “sinful” to bring your bedroom life out into the public? Explain that one to me please. I guess it’s also “sinful” to bring your kitchen life and well as your living room and garage life into the public too. “hey i was in my living room the other day watching TV” Oh oh I just “sinned”.
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 10:50 AM | Link to this
Magaret Honie— What’s wrong— Sounds like you have not had Wanky Panky in awhile of if EVER!!
By TDub
April 19, 2006 10:50 AM | Link to this
Tamika- was just joking baby. That is great great great. Here’s to 21 more for you guys!
By buddy
April 19, 2006 10:53 AM | Link to this
go home maggie !!!!! people do not get on sites that talk about things that they are not into. for insatnce ,i am a heterosexual, so i would not visit a lesbian site . i am not into sports, so i would not visit a sports site. you are not into this and you think it is sinful… so why are you here ????? if you usually like momania blogs, but this is not your thing… then why are you here and reading all this ? that is weird and so are you . you do not make common sense. go pray about judging people.
By TDub
April 19, 2006 10:53 AM | Link to this
LOL @ Wanky Panky
By DPR
April 19, 2006 10:54 AM | Link to this
Margaret, while you are thumping your Bible, could you check a little Biblical reference for me?
I think it’s along the lines of “judge not, lest ye be judged”…
Just a little food for thought!
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 10:55 AM | Link to this
Guys be nice to margaret — it’s totally fine for her to think this out of line —
By TDub
April 19, 2006 10:56 AM | Link to this
Amen, Buddy! Pun intended.
By Kym
April 19, 2006 10:56 AM | Link to this
Theresa, you may have lost a blogger but you have gain one too. Hilarious topic and as the single parent of one busy 10 year-old I am below the national average during the winter months. My peak season is spring and summer so I will make up for it then. Now I am confused is the 58 times, 58 sessions of sex, which could lead to mulitple numbers of satisfaction, or is it just 58 sessions? Either way by summers end I should be all caught up.
By Margaret
April 19, 2006 10:56 AM | Link to this
If you must know I am a married women with three children. But proclaiming you sex to the World is Hateful and Sinful in the eyes of the lord!!!
And yes Watching TV is Sinful too when we have Katrina Victims Suffering!!!
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 10:56 AM | Link to this
DPR — where have you been? we haven’t seen you in a while — good to have you back
By Susie
April 19, 2006 10:56 AM | Link to this
I’m gonna say something that will probably get me trashed here, but here goes: All these guys that only get it once a month or every six weeks, or 11 times in 16 months (!!!) I don’t understand how you stay married to someone like that.
If they have a medical condition, that keeps them from being able to have sex or whatever, then that’s one thing. If it’s hormonal, or depression, then there’s help for that.
I just always felt like as married people, we owed it to each other to be intimate whenever either one of us wanted to be. I guess I’ve been lucky, because unless I was truly ill, it was always a mutual thing for us. Maybe there’s something that I don’t know about that would make a woman not want to love her husband any more than 11 times in 16 months. For me it was about feeling close, and how can that be a bad thing? I just don’t get it.
And these women who gave it up on a daily basis before marriage and then closed up shop on the honeymoon? I think their husbands should have grounds for an annullment on grounds of fraud. I can’t TELL you how many people I know who have done this or have had wives who did it.
By smomma
April 19, 2006 10:57 AM | Link to this
SINNERS You are all SINNERS!! Pray to your God(whomever that may be!) to forgive you for having sex with your spouse and then offering advice to help others with thier own sex life!! You disgusting sinners, you!!!
Oh man, Margaret, you are going to keep me in stitches ALL day long!
By DPR
April 19, 2006 11:00 AM | Link to this
Glad to be back here with the old gang. My 2 young’uns have had the crud that was going around and after taking a few days off to tend to them I got backlogged at work.
But now I’m back and ready to rejoin the fun!
As to today’s topic, I will woefully hide my face :) Being a single dad is hard in more ways than one might imagine! So I have to honestly cast my vote with “below average” for the 2006 season, so far.
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 11:00 AM | Link to this
I dont know about you all But this Topic has put me in the Best of Moods!! I dont feel like Doing any house cleaning today:)
Thanks Theresa!!
By Susie
April 19, 2006 11:01 AM | Link to this
Bill, there are anti-depressants (Wellbutrin for one) that will markedly increase the sex drive, and there are ones that will absolutely kill it! So if your wife is taking any kind of anti-depressants she needs to talk to her doctor and tell him she’s having these side effects. There are women who have gone on Wellbutrin just for the sex drive thing. I’ve also heard of women taking Viagara, but not sure about that.
By TDub
April 19, 2006 11:02 AM | Link to this
Hey Maggie, and you are still here, though! We all understand what you’re saying and while we do appreciate it, you’ve had your say and you’ve fulfilled your requirement of telling someone about the Lord for the day, soooooo you are allowed to go now!
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 11:02 AM | Link to this
Sex is the Best anti Depressant!
By jahnusy
April 19, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this
I think Margaret is just messin with you guys. Saying anything to get a comment. Poor baby is lonely.
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this
Margaret…I understand your position, I really do. My family and I live a very Biblically based life. But can you imagine for one minute what it must be like for a couple who are having problems in this arena? I for one, would not want to discuss my sex life with our Pastor…too wierd! In this setting, we are as anonymous as we want to be….it offers a level of comfort if you will. I hope some people get good advice from today’s topic and in turn become closer to thier husbands and or wives! Again, I can see your point….perhaps you can chime in today and offer a spiritual view on this!
By Kym
April 19, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this
Amen Tamika!!
By Peter
April 19, 2006 11:07 AM | Link to this
I do agree with Margaret somewhat— Seems like people sex life is thrown in our faces every day. We all got the Wonderful news about Tom Cruise eating his baby’s placenta. I could do with out that information. Margaret is wrong calling sex between two married people sinful. If it were sinful and danming how would we have kids. Anyways I am still grossed out by Tom though —That is sinful!!
By Susie
April 19, 2006 11:07 AM | Link to this
Now DTub, it plainly says, “THOU SHALT NOT BRING YOUR BEDROOM ONTO A PUBLIC BLOG!” somewhere in Exodus.
And if we are gonna drag what’s Biblical into this, God also commands us not to “withold” from our spouse, unless it’s for a medical reason or during prayer and fasting.
By Susie
April 19, 2006 11:09 AM | Link to this
Good grief, Margaret…we aren’t posting pictures or anything, just telling very general details of our own experience.
By TDub
April 19, 2006 11:10 AM | Link to this
You’re right Susie. What was I thinking? lol
By Caroline
April 19, 2006 11:11 AM | Link to this
As as single mom of a 5 year-old…I can say that I am WAY below average. However much I LOVE it, I can’t seem to find the time to get out and MEET people to get to that point.
Maybe available time isn’t the issue more than I feel guilty for leaving my little guy at home to go on a date when I’ve been working all week. I only get to spend time with him for a couple of hours every evening and then on the weekends.
Anyone have advice?
By dawreck
April 19, 2006 11:15 AM | Link to this
I think s*x is one of the most if not thee most intimate way of expressing yourself to your mate and with that said I do so very frequently. In the morning before work is the absolute best for me and my spouse. And then of course several times during the day. With no kids at the present time , it makes it all the better. I would go to say we are way above the national average. Let’s see: 4 times a day (sometimes more) on a weekly basis. Yeah! way above average. As far as positions , there’s a book at Borders that gives you MANY ideas and let me tell you , it is well worth the buy. Problem is that some of us get into a ritual that because that worked last time it’ll work the next few times. Advice I was given was keep it spicy , keep him anticipating what’s next. As the Bible says in The book of Samuel “Intrigue me not to leave you” Pun intented to Marg. I think it is great that most of the people on this blog are happy sexually and those who aren’t I hope it gets better. As for me and mine , there is no question about it. Im game and down for whatever , whenever and where ever.
By Kym
April 19, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this
Caroline as a single mom-plan a family fun time event with your son. That is what me and my kid do. We set aside one day for just us, it can be a Friday evening or a Saturday afternoon. We call it “Family Fun Time.” Then that evening plan a little “Mommy time” for yourself. You have to find a balance because everyone needs an outlet. Not saying it has to be a sexually one but the conversation of an adult can be a little more stimulating than that of a 5 year old.
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this
Caroline - i don’t have any advice but i do have sympathy — that is so tough - and even if you did find someone you liked well enough to do it with, where are you going to do it? don’t want to bring them home necessarily but then you you’ve got to arrange overnight care for your son — that doesn’t seem like fun —
By TDub
April 19, 2006 11:17 AM | Link to this
Caroine-I’m sure you’re doing a fantastic job raising your lil one. However you do have to give yourself some “self” time every now and then. It doesn’t have to be something sexual or anything like that. But I do believe to be the best mom you can be you have to be able to enjoy yourself sometimes and let yourself “miss” your kid sometimes. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Don’t ever feel guilty for wanting to get out and enjoy yourself. It’s your right as a human being.
By Margaret
April 19, 2006 11:19 AM | Link to this
I just wish people had more repect for their lives instead of sharing their bed room garbage to the public. There is more important things in life instead of just sex.
By Susie
April 19, 2006 11:21 AM | Link to this
I agree, Tamika…it sure puts a spring in my step! :)
By TDub
April 19, 2006 11:22 AM | Link to this
@Tamika and Susie Oh sookie sookie now!
By DPR
April 19, 2006 11:22 AM | Link to this
Peter are you serious? (re: tom cruise)
I think I am no longer hungry!
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 11:25 AM | Link to this
that’s not true — total rumor — not that I like tom cruise - but that’s just crazy talk —
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 11:25 AM | Link to this
Caroline— you just need to get out and just relax and have fun— If the Home Run is meant to be that night it will happen. When you first meet a guy, dont have racing thoughts in your head ,“l need sex with this man tonight, i need him bad, I want to Lanka Shuwanka him.” dont do that. Just take a deep breath and relax, talk, dance and have fun.
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 11:26 AM | Link to this
Back the truck up Peter….Maverick did what? He ate the placenta? Oh, those aliens better come pick him up quick…..he’s really starting to make them look bad.
By Caroline
April 19, 2006 11:27 AM | Link to this
You all are correct. My sisters tell me the same thing. I’ve been careful about who I date and even if it’s just a casual date, my son never, ever meets my date. I always made sure he was at his Nana’s house before he came to pick me up when I DO get a date.
That’s correct also, that I’m not just taking s*x here….I do think I need a conversation that doesn’t involve Rescue Rangers, robots and Spongebob.
By Susie
April 19, 2006 11:29 AM | Link to this
Caroline, I’m in the same boat…only as much as I love it, I’m really not missing it right now. I think my “desire” was based on me having an “object” of my desire, does that make sense? I can’t just want sex in general, there’s got to be someone FOR me to want. So if I meet someone, then I’ll worry about it.
As it is my divorce has been final for under a year, so I’m just focusing on my kids and will worry about that when the time comes. My ex gets the kids pretty much every weekend, so I guess if I wanted to I could have met someone by now. I guess that means I just don’t want to yet.
This has gotten me thinking about stuff I wasn’t thinking about before now. Y’all are gonna get me in trouble!
By Caroline
April 19, 2006 11:30 AM | Link to this
Tamika, I like your advice the best.
Love reading your comments…you’re hilarious!
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 11:31 AM | Link to this
Come on ladies….lets have a night out for cocktails in honor of Caroline…..one of favorite names by the way….! What you need is a girl’s night to take the pressure off! It is always when you least expect it that love ( or lovin’) comes-a-knockin’!!
By Susie
April 19, 2006 11:32 AM | Link to this
“Bedroom garbage” ????
Ok, now I think Margaret is one of those who cut her husband off on or just after the honeymoon!
By Susie
April 19, 2006 11:33 AM | Link to this
Theresa, the thing about the placenta DOES sound like crazy talk, but when I read it about Tom Cruise, I didn’t even raise my eyebrows. He’s crazy enough that I’d have believed it of him.
By singlemom
April 19, 2006 11:34 AM | Link to this
Margaret, why are you still here, reading these posts, if they upset you so much? If you can’t talk about it, why are you reading about other’s lives, are you looking for pointers?. I picture you as June Cleaver, dress and all. If this topic offends you, please leave. I myself am enjoying all of this. It makes my day go by much faster. BTW - as another single mom on this blog, I too am WWWAAAYYY below the average….
By smomma
April 19, 2006 11:34 AM | Link to this
Margaret - you may not realize it, but you just informed this whole blog exactly how your own sex life is going. Anyone who call things that happen in the bedroom “garbage” and states there are more important things obviously is having sexual issues. There is nothing more important in a marriage than a healthy sex life. It is vital to maintain a beautiful intimate, loving, and respectful marriage.
By Caroline
April 19, 2006 11:38 AM | Link to this
Jesse’s Girl - THAT would be fun. I do love a good jazz club and a chocolate martini….
By Susie
April 19, 2006 11:39 AM | Link to this
Jessie’s Girl, I’ve been wishing and wishing Theresa would get us all together or a mom’s night out! (should we let the dads come too?) hehe! I think we should stay on her case till it happens! If the AJC thinks it wouldn’t be a smashing success, BAH to them, we wouldn’t need a huge turnout for it to be successful! And I bet more people would turn out than than they think anyway!
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 11:40 AM | Link to this
Even though it’s fun to have a dissenter, I just checked our tracking system and Margaret is not for real — she’s somebody else who we hear from often playing Devil’s Advocate — I’m amazed that we have only had one real person upset by this topic — Lmay i think was real — Peter is also fake by the way - so Susie just forget about the placenta crap — even tom cruise isn’t that freaky!
By TDub
April 19, 2006 11:43 AM | Link to this
Well as stated above, wifey and I have a very healthy sex life. However, and this may start a whole new topic, we do it sooo much that I have to actually turn her down sometimes because honestly she is wearing me out. Guys, do you have this problem or is it just me? I hate to have to turn her down because I love it just as much as she does, but every now and then I have to say “Not tonight, baby!”
Is there something wrong with me?
If I didn’t turn her down we would do it everyday about 3-4 times. I mean EVERYDAY
By GB
April 19, 2006 11:43 AM | Link to this
I take Lexapro and am starting to think that makes me totally unh#$ney. I feel sorry for my hubby.
By anne
April 19, 2006 11:44 AM | Link to this
I did not think it possible, but the AJC has indeed hit a new low.
Tacky.
By Susie
April 19, 2006 11:44 AM | Link to this
I was starting to wonder if Margaret was a fake. Does her husband have to go to the Hamptons this weekend? Bahaha!
Well, I think that Tom is that freaky, because if L. Ron Hubbard said he had to eat it, he’d have eaten it. But that’s beside the point. :D
By trudy
April 19, 2006 11:49 AM | Link to this
Hmmmm…Theresa…you have only “outed” people twice, eh?
This is why I change my email each time I post. Or maybe you are tracking us down by IP address? Either way, it is uncool. I guess you will be tracking me down now.
By dawreck
April 19, 2006 11:50 AM | Link to this
If the topic is so “tacky” and ajc has hit a low then why are U readn the tacky blog. I bet the same one who are hating are gonna go home and try to spice up their sex life. Dont get mad cause we stroking and you still tryna get water under the boat.
People discuss everything else but it’s like the biggest sin to discuss sex. Give me a break and get a grip.
By Kym
April 19, 2006 11:51 AM | Link to this
I am still confused, no one answered my question about the number of times when a person says 3-4 times a day is that like getting dress and then undressing again? Or is that during one undressed session? 3-4 times a day is not to much to ask I mean really.
By TDub
April 19, 2006 11:55 AM | Link to this
Kym, that’s a good question. I wa going to give you an answer but I actually started thinking about it and I can’t come up with a good explaination.
By Kym
April 19, 2006 11:56 AM | Link to this
See I am not the only confused one. Thank God! My sister says each session is on time.
By TDub
April 19, 2006 11:56 AM | Link to this
I have an answer. If you wait at least 30 minutes in between “sessions” It’s counted as another one. How’s that? Are we all in agreement?
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 11:56 AM | Link to this
Trudy — just for you I didn’t say who it was — what their normal handle is!! I like this person and think they’re funny so I want them to stay around. But I also don’t want to know something and you guys not know something — I don’t think that’s very fair - I wasn’t sure if I should tell on this one — but then I felt bad knowing — And honest that just makes 3 —
By Susie
April 19, 2006 11:58 AM | Link to this
Trudy, she didn’t tell us who else Margaret posts as. And she only does it with someone who comes in here with no other purpose than to stir the pot. If someone is behaving themselves, I feel pretty sure that they have nothing to worry about.
By Kym
April 19, 2006 12:00 PM | Link to this
30 minutes!! Well okay if the majority goes with that then fine. But really 30 minutes seems like a long time to get things flowing again.
By trudy
April 19, 2006 12:04 PM | Link to this
Well, I am glad that you altered your gait and did not reveal the name. We really don’t need to know it. That’s the beauty of an anonymous board—people can through things out there they would not normally say (though that can backfire, obviously, and we need a moderator for the crazies). So what if someone uses different monikers; it adds texture to the board. If you randomly track people and report the multiples to the board,then you will mute alot of voices.
And, really, it was obvious that Margaret was trolling.
By Tamika
April 19, 2006 12:06 PM | Link to this
Well at least they got an handle on things:)
By Kym
April 19, 2006 12:07 PM | Link to this
30 minutes!! Well okay if the majority goes with that then fine. But really 30 minutes seems like a long time to get things flowing again.
By Peter
April 19, 2006 12:09 PM | Link to this
I did read on the BBC yesterday that Tom Cruise was going to eat the Placenta— That seemed to be a realiable source. True or not true that guy is a creep!!
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 12:12 PM | Link to this
I thought she was real up until the end — I really expected to be yelled at a lot — I’m glad we can be friends Trudy — I’ll try to only reveal for the good of the community — like the guy saying his kid died — that was bad form!
Somebody help poor Kym — i think she’s trying to figure out her number and doesn;t know how to count thing — Kym I think that if you finish your business nd then start again no matter how much time (1 mintue, 2 min) then you get to count that as two or whatever — if teh job is done then that is 1.
By Jennifer
April 19, 2006 12:13 PM | Link to this
My husband and I have sex probably ten times a week on average. And then there are times inbetween where we do not have actual intercourse but still play around.
As for positions, I’ve never actually counted them, but I do know that it’s never dull ;)
What do you guys think about people who have a certain day of the week for sex? Is it time for counseling when that happens? Just curious because I know people who get happy when Thursday rolls around. Not sure about you, but I wouldn’t want it so mapped out.
By TDub
April 19, 2006 12:14 PM | Link to this
see I knew someone was going to say something about the time frame….
It is a long time to get things flowing again. 30 minutes is being used to distiguish between a couple saying we did it 3 times today as opposed to saying just one time within that time frame.
By Susie
April 19, 2006 12:15 PM | Link to this
Ok, here’s what I found…Tom Cruise said he was going to eat his baby’s placenta, but later said he was JOKING. Good lord, what a thing to joke about, when every move you make is splashed on the front of every tabloid as it is!
By dawreck
April 19, 2006 12:16 PM | Link to this
A certain day of the week to have sex is like putting a person on a feeding schedule. Some things are better when you least expect it. Keep it spontaneous and spicy. And with the right attraction you just know when the time is right. For some of us it’s all the time for some it every so often.
By Susie
April 19, 2006 12:16 PM | Link to this
No, Jennifer, I wouldn’t like that at all…there’s something to be said for spontenaiety!
By Jennifer
April 19, 2006 12:16 PM | Link to this
What’s this about Tom Cruise?? I missed Fluff TV today. Seriously, what??
By TDub
April 19, 2006 12:16 PM | Link to this
Hey guys look at my 11:43am post and see if you can offer some insight.
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 12:17 PM | Link to this
No, no, no…..the way to determine when multiple times stop and start is very simple….everytime you extol your virtue counts as one single time!!! PLease do not send me hate mail…I tried to put it as sweet as I could!
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 12:20 PM | Link to this
Gb….get a new med. They also make a lovely cream for that issue…some kind of testosterone laced stuff. I’m serious.
By Jennifer
April 19, 2006 12:24 PM | Link to this
TDub, no, there is nothing wrong with you. Plus, sometimes overdoing it can cause it to not be ‘as fun’ as if you wait a couple of days in between.
I have to admit that I’m lucky to have found someone with as big a sex drive as I have. My ex-husband turned me down a lot, and I mean a lot. After awhile you have to start to wonder, “Is he getting it somewhere else?” or “What’s wrong with ME?” Btw, no, I did not divorce him because of it (just to make certain people aren’t reading into my post what is not there).
My current hubby has told me that his ex-girlfriends turned him down quite a bit because he has a very healthy labido. Heck, I feel lucky to have found him! ;)
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 12:24 PM | Link to this
I agree with Jesse’s girl on the counting — also appreciate her effort on the euphamism (spelling!)
By Susie
April 19, 2006 12:25 PM | Link to this
GB, ask your doctor about Wellbutrin…its an anti-depressant that has the “opposite” effect that the Lexapro does. Your hubby will thank you! :)
By Screwed Over
April 19, 2006 12:28 PM | Link to this
I think a disproportionate percentage of women use sex as a weapon to control anything and everything. It is not sharing, giving, loving—it is a tool to manipulate and an easy topic to b*** about. The once or twice a blue moon and the planets are in alignment, and she deems it OK my old lady permits me to touch her, she definitely seems to like it—alot—so it’s definitely not me.
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 12:31 PM | Link to this
You are quite welcome! Now boys and girls….I must dash. My home office time is nearing an end. And truth be told, I really acheived very little today. So…I need to get busy….no pun intended! May all your bounties be plentiful this evening my friends.
By TDub
April 19, 2006 12:31 PM | Link to this
Hey thanks Jennifer. I was really feeling guilty about it sometimes. We do it alot and I mean alot. It really picked up once I got a vasectomy(Probably TMI). So instead of us doing it everyday now. We may go 3-4 days in a row then skip 1 day and go back at it. I just need a break every now and then!
By Susie
April 19, 2006 12:38 PM | Link to this
Screwed over, you are SO RIGHT. I used to work with this idiot at Delta who, every time she wanted to buy something, she’d say something like (rolling her eyes) “I guess I’ll have to give it up tonight!”
Women who use it as a reward or punishment are not doing themselves any favors. When you do that, it’s just a chore, something you have to put up with to get what you want. Women who use sex to get what they want (or as punishment when they don’t)and for nothing else aren’t much more than hookers, IMO, I don’t care if they are married or not.
By ern
April 19, 2006 12:43 PM | Link to this
2-3 times a day, but hard to find a woman these days when you are a single male and busy with life. HEY JEN!
By Erica
April 19, 2006 12:45 PM | Link to this
I have never blogged before, but I was struck by the negative comments of those who are offended by others expressing their views of sex and marriage. I have news for you; God made sex enjoyable for man and woman! It is neither disgusting, or sinful. It is an expression of their caring for each other. Sex is natural. Those of you who are offended have your own problems with sex that you should deal with. Thanks!
~1st Timer
By thirdwheelflunkie
April 19, 2006 12:48 PM | Link to this
No sex in 5 years… and not it’s not by choice….
By GB
April 19, 2006 01:12 PM | Link to this
thanks for the input about Wellbutrin, but I hear it may cause suicidal thoughts. and what are the creams? i need to know, for my sake and fairness to hubby
By Homeschool Mom
April 19, 2006 01:26 PM | Link to this
Wellbutrin worked great for me…it’s the only one with no sexual side effects (and that in itself would be depressing!) and since it works on impulsions (like smoking-also prescribed as Zyban-eating, OCD,etc) you can quit those things too!
By william
April 19, 2006 01:30 PM | Link to this
Teresa, My name is William, I discovered this blog a few weeks ago and have enjoyed not only reading the posts, but inserting a few thoughts of my own (I’m a happily married father of 3). I did so with attempted humor and always with tounge firmly inserted in cheek. In the free flowing spirit of the board, I’d make comments using different sign in names (claire, michael, just to name a couple) seems stupid now, but at the time gave me the chance to express different thoughts, perceptions, ideas, etc. As “Michael”, I relayed a personal tragedy that occured to me in 1982 when my first born died. I struggle each spring thinking about how old he’d be and what he’d be doing and I used your blog to “vent” a little, for that I appologize. You seem, however, gleeful that you were able to “expose” me and now seem to remark frequently about the credibility of my tragedy. I listed my personal email address, feel free to write me and I’ll return the email with proper documentation of my childs death.
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 01:40 PM | Link to this
Dear William - i will give you the benefit of the doubt and lay off - I am very sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine the pain of losing a baby. You’re always welcome here and feel free to be who you want. I’m still figuring out the balance of protecting our community and letting people pretend to be others.
By sue
April 19, 2006 01:45 PM | Link to this
Below average. I work days, and hubby works nights. He gets home just as I’m leaving for work and the time between when I get home and he leaves is spent cooking and eating dinner, helping with homework, running the kid to scouts and baseball practice. (sigh!)
If it weren’t for weekend evenings…… Although there is something to be said for spontaneity, scheduling isn’t so bad, if that’s the only way to get it. However, if we find ourselves unexpectedly, we do take advantage.
(I do like having the bed to myself when I’m sleeping, though. I can stretch out diagonally if I want)
Theresa, when you mentioned yesterday that you were working on an article about sex, I thought that it would be a blog on how you’ve talked to your kids about the subject. That could have some very funny stories.
By SingleDad
April 19, 2006 01:49 PM | Link to this
Saying NO to sex with my wife? Holy cow….never uttered the word. I would love to see if she could GET me to say no. About the only thing I really miss, sex-wise, in my marrage is doing it more than once in a day. Weekends are a great opportunity as the kids are always gone. Also, making the “sessions” last more than say, 20 or 30 minutes. My wife usually complains about getting sore or tired, so I do my best to “finish” on que. I guess, when one gets older, they have a better control on things and can go as quickly or take as long as time or the moment will permit.
Ladies, how long to do prefer “it” to last? I guess it varies from person to person.
By william
April 19, 2006 01:49 PM | Link to this
Teresa, Thank you. You cannot, however invite people to present perceptions, ideas in an open discussion where automony is expected and embraced and then police the authenticity of those bloggers that may express a different viewpoint of the author, you. Thank you for your kind remarks but I dont need your benefit of the doubt and I will not be posting again, under any names. I simply wanted to apologize for using your blog to vent a little, it’ll never happen again.
William
By DPR
April 19, 2006 01:52 PM | Link to this
Not to hop off topic, but Sue’s comment reminded me of something I saw on the nightly news a short while back.
There was a piece on kids who are showing signs of puberty as early as age 4. I almost keeled over. I have a 4 year old and I cannot fathom having to begin the “body changes” talk right now. I will see if I can find a verifiable link for that info because I’m sure most of you will be in as much disbelief as I was.
Hormones in the food, people! We gotta watch out for this stuff! :)
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 01:52 PM | Link to this
We’re not there yet — just 4 and 2 — Actually my daughter turns 5 today!!!
I do want to do a blog on what parents are teaching their kids to call their private parts — (I got to get permission to do this one) — We’re very formal about it and it’s just hysterical to hear the 2-year-old talking about his — not sure if I can write that — better check — at any rate -Sue we can definitely talk another day about how you guys are talking to your kids about sex —
another thing we haven’t talked about much (one person mentioned) is moms transitioning from being a mom to being sexy — You have kids all over all day long — grabbing at you — especially when you’re nursing - it’s very hard to turn back on the sexual feelings and i don’t know about you guys but my boobs were off limits while we were nursing — too creepy to try to service two people — but poor hubby that was like three years cause i nursed so long
By me
April 19, 2006 01:53 PM | Link to this
I’m afraid to say this, but I agree with william. This is not good Theresa. You are repressing freedom of speech by your own brand of justice.
By DPR
April 19, 2006 01:57 PM | Link to this
In Theresa’s defense, she is in charge of moderating this blog for the good of the AJC community.
You can have free speech without engaging in “multiple personalities”. In fact, I think some of you do it simply to irk the other posters. Perhaps you should find a better form of entertainment for yourself because some of us enjoy this blog!
I think we all welcome differing ideas and opinions, but really, isn’t it too time consuming to keep all your “selves” straight???
By me
April 19, 2006 02:02 PM | Link to this
DPR and anyone else - If theresa will put on this blog your name or info, what does she tell those of you in private that she seems to favor. Maybe she doesn’t but one has to wonder. People change names because nuts seem to hound you sometimes.
By Theresa
April 19, 2006 02:07 PM | Link to this
me - stop your worrying — I barely have time to respond to you guys online much less track you down — I haven’t had any private conversations with anyone — I got enough on my plate wihtout adding any extra - so don’t panic!
not trying to administer justice - just trying to protect our little community from being taken advantage of — don’t give a crap about differnet opinions either — would have quit months ago if that was the case —
By DPR
April 19, 2006 02:07 PM | Link to this
For the record:
I don’t personally know Theresa, therefore she hasn’t “told” me anything (I don’t see any conspiracy theories here).
Here is a novel idea: use a free web-based email like I do…Yahoo, Hotmail, whatever you like. I doubt she or the AJC has the time or desire to go through the means of obtaining a subpeona for your ISP to reveal who you truly are.
So yes, you are anonymous here….unless you choose to reveal info that makes you otherwise.
By me
April 19, 2006 02:11 PM | Link to this
What planet do you live on? Subpoena? You must really feel safe……….I know better.
By Susie
April 19, 2006 02:15 PM | Link to this
Good grief, “me”…paranoid much? Even if Theresa DOES post all your “aliases,” are we going to know who you are in real life? She’s not posting actual names, addresses and social security numbers! Sheesh, go get laid or something.
Theresa, you can edit that last line if you want, but it sounds to me like somebody needs it.
By trudy
April 19, 2006 02:15 PM | Link to this
I understand the difficulty that Theresa faces when moderating a blog. But the outing of people does not seem to be related to the crazies. The people that have been outed have been relatively benign. It seems that Theresa hasn’t fully developed a ‘philosophy’ towards the blog and the changing monikers in particular. Maybe it’s a control issue—it seems to annoy you, Theresa.
Maybe the answer is to require a valid log-in rather than one used here where you can put any email address you want to sign in(what’s the point of that, anyway?). As for me, I just like the ‘hit and run’ aspect of anonymous posting….I don’t have to be consistent.
By yada yada yada
April 19, 2006 02:15 PM | Link to this
The only way I know that you can be traced is by your IP address and that does not tell anyone much unless you know what to do with it. Even at that rate you can’t put a name with Ip address unless ISP gives you that users name. That would probably require way to much. Now Cookies would be a whole different story.
By singlemom
April 19, 2006 02:18 PM | Link to this
Don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you. If you don’t like the topic, no one is forcing you to say here and read or respond to any of these posts. Get a life. This is a great way to pass the long boring hours…….Hi, my name is Singlemom and I’m a blog-a-holic. Hi Singlemom!!!!!
By SingleDad
April 19, 2006 02:20 PM | Link to this
OK, let’s get back on topic. No one responded to my question a little ways back. I guess I’ve fallen out of the loop….*sigh
By trudy
April 19, 2006 02:20 PM | Link to this
P.S. William I’m sorry for your loss.
By julie
April 19, 2006 02:20 PM | Link to this
about every 3 to 4 days.. I want it more than him and he thinks he could handle a bunch of us.. :)
By Susie
April 19, 2006 02:21 PM | Link to this
Any website you visit, and I mean ANY website can track your IP address. You can bet there aren’t many that don’t track them. I guess people like “me” will just have to get offline for good, if they want to remain completely anonymous. for that matter, if you know how to read an email “full heading,” you can get someone’s IP address from their email.
By yada yada yada
April 19, 2006 02:21 PM | Link to this
Oh yea I forgot to mention that I may have to print the comments and take them homw for wife to read. We are way below average. And yes is does create problems but I have come to the conclusion that I need her more than I need sex. She does like it but just not the same ways that I do. We tried doing it her way then my way next time but that did not work out either. My biggest complaint is that she says she will take care of me tonight but always seems to fall asleep with the 4 year old or either she stays up until after I have fallen asleep.
By me
April 19, 2006 02:22 PM | Link to this
Do you feel better by attacking me for theresa susie? You must get paid for being the pit bull.
By Susie
April 19, 2006 02:27 PM | Link to this
No, me…telling you that you are behaving like some kind of conspiracy theorist is not “attacking” you. My attacks are much more vicious. None of you have ever seen one. But heck, if she’d pay me, I might show y’all some of them!
That said, I doubt anyone would need to “attack” you on Theresa’s behalf, she handles herself just fine.
For that matter, I don’t know Theresa personally. Why would you a s sume that anyone here does?
By me
April 19, 2006 02:43 PM | Link to this
Oh because you’re the first one to post if someone says something to theresa. Look, the way I see it I expressed my opinion. Now just lay off me. It is as easy as that.
By Susie
April 19, 2006 02:45 PM | Link to this
me, if someone accused you of doing something that it was obvious you didn’t or wouldn’t do, I’d be the first one to defend you, too.
By me
April 19, 2006 02:46 PM | Link to this
Dead horse. Move on.
By SingleDad
April 19, 2006 02:53 PM | Link to this
Anybody remember the topic? This “tracking” stuff is old news. Move the %$#@& on….
By Susie
April 19, 2006 02:54 PM | Link to this
BTW, I got a giggle out of “what planet do you live on? Subpoena?” I’m gonna have to remember that one!
By Susie
April 19, 2006 02:56 PM | Link to this
Well all righty then, singledad-who-isn’t-single-anymore! We remember the topic, but there’s nothing new to say about it anymore. Anyone wanna play bingo?
By Filster
April 19, 2006 03:05 PM | Link to this
taking it upon myself to speak for the majority of marrier men, a single friend of mine asked me if I was getting any “on the side?” I told him I hadn’t had any in so long I didn’t know they’d moved it.
By clay
April 19, 2006 03:16 PM | Link to this
What would anyone out there say the national average is for someone married 23+ years??? I would love to know the answer to that one…
OLDCHIK
By abc
April 19, 2006 03:22 PM | Link to this
Sexual frequency during my marriage was about once every other year. Now single, it’s 6-8 times weekly. I like single better.
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 03:22 PM | Link to this
Wo! Slow your roll Filster..yeah I’m back for a second! You have just introduced a new spice to the stew! As a married man, who knows (i assume) other married men…..what percentage of them do you suspect of messing around? Is this a pervasive thing? I have blogged before about some of my neighborhood women who are not so secretly doodling…..but I have to ask? As a married man….how much sexual neglect would it take for you to wander?
By Kym
April 19, 2006 03:25 PM | Link to this
LOL at Filster. Thank you to all for your explaining the time frame and the number of times per session. I am clear on it I think. Where in the world did all the hostility from?
By andre
April 19, 2006 03:35 PM | Link to this
I am one of the rare guys who’s wife is willing to have sex with me up to three times a night and sometimes once on the way out the door.
By Filster
April 19, 2006 03:40 PM | Link to this
I do know married men and yes, some of them do wander. Of the married women I know, I guess they must be more discrete. As for me personally, I travel a lot and there have been lots of opportunities, but other than some mild flirting, I guess I’m still waiting to find out if it’s moved or not:>!
By Jesse's Girl
April 19, 2006 03:47 PM | Link to this
Ok….I know I will incur the wrath of many when I say this…But Filster, you need to go home and just take it! Don’t build her up to it with candles and dinner….in truth, there aren’t many of us that go for that anymore. Women like to be just as agressive as men do….we just need a good reason sometimes. So don’t worry about whether it is moving or not…..you hold it against the wall and make it stay!!! OK…now I am leaving….have a good one y’all!
By Woodman
April 19, 2006 03:54 PM | Link to this
I am getting seriously ripped off. Me and the wife have to discuss this.
By David
April 19, 2006 04:08 PM | Link to this
I agree with Andre. I couldn’t be happier with the number of times a day my wife and I are having sex. Basically whenever I’m ready she’s ready.
By oldster
April 19, 2006 04:14 PM | Link to this
Andre!! ANDRE!! Andre!! COME ON! quite lying- we are not in the boys high school locker room ya know.. DAAAG!!
By ronNJ
April 19, 2006 04:43 PM | Link to this
Andre: Your wife have a sister,cousin or something? Does she teach a class my wife can attend, have an energy drink ….something!!!!…help a brotha out!
By Jennifer
April 19, 2006 04:48 PM | Link to this
I guess as I’ve gotten older the things that turn me on have changed. Something my husband does that helps me relax and feel more ‘available’ is he will help out around the house when we get home from work. I think he finally figured out if I’m not doing dishes, dusting, mopping, cleaning the bathrooms, etc. all of the time I will have time for him when he wants me. But I still can’t get that darn French maid’s outfit to fit him!
By Jennifer
April 19, 2006 04:51 PM | Link to this
What I want to know is, do any of you think it’s right to split up if the level of sex isn’t what you would like it to be? Just curious because as much as I love my husband and as much as people like to think sex shouldn’t be a major roll in marriage, if we suddenly stopped having sex (not because of a medical condition) I’m not sure what I would do.
By Becca
April 19, 2006 04:53 PM | Link to this
Average 3 times a Week. I could go for more and I am sure the man would like more but we are in the first year of marriage and there’s been quite a few “adjustment” arguements and when I am mad I don’t want sex.
By Jennifer
April 19, 2006 04:59 PM | Link to this
Becca, as a female I want to ask you: When you and your hubby argue, do you sometimes figure out in the end that what you are mad about really isn’t that big of a deal?
I know sometimes when my husband and I argue I get so worked up that I forget the original reason I’m mad LOL Then, I can’t admit that to him because I’ve already been huffing around the house. I know mine is hormone-driven at times and he is very aware of this.
By ronNJ
April 19, 2006 05:01 PM | Link to this
as much as people pretend it not a big deal, it is. Its been my experience that the sex issue will drive you crazy and eventually will lead to you give into temptation. We all have needs that need to be met. One way or another we have to get what we need. A big part of marriage is that you and your spouse provide for each other in every way.
By michelle
April 19, 2006 05:18 PM | Link to this
wow! nothing gets people talking like sex, huh? :)
i don’t care if anyone sees me and recognizes me or my story. it’s just sex, y’all!
my husband and i have been on roller coaster rides with the frequency of sex. first started dating and we were at it 4x a week or so (i’m into it, just not a nympho). things slowed down after a year or more, little bit of fighting right after we got married didn’t help much. after we got the fighting out of the way, we were back into our normal routine. then i took on a job spraying lawns with chemicals, and that was a definite mood-kill. 4 years from that job, we have been in the on-again/off-again roller coaster i spoke of….long story short: we’ve averaged out to around 2x a week lately, but on the year-average, i’d say we’re below the national median.
By Dave
April 19, 2006 05:39 PM | Link to this
My wife gave up sex some year ago. So I am under the average because it is not too easy to find a female that wants to do me 2 or three time weekly.
By almost fifty
April 19, 2006 05:43 PM | Link to this
Married sex can be really good, but it does seem to slow down after a few years, and kids, and all this stuff called “life”!!! But there can also be un-married sex with the same partner that can fall into a major routine too!!!!! So, I guess it’s up to the individuals to keep the fires fanned, but I will say if you don’t keep that intimacy in your relationship, it is doomed to fail. That’s a form of communicating and closeness that is vital.
By starved
April 19, 2006 05:44 PM | Link to this
I know folks won’t believe this, or will assume that there must be something wrong with me (body odor, sexually clumsy, or just a jerk), but I swear it’s true and that it’s not me. The natioinal average would be my best year ever. The best we’ve ever actually done was 2x a week for about 6 weeks, and that was just one time. “Normally” it would be maybe 2x a month, unless I’m pushing hard for more, and even then it wouldn’t get up to the national average, or not for long. Problem has to be at least in part that she is completely non-orgasmic — has never had an orgasm from intercourse or oral (which I would like to give but she hates) and has never (and swears she will never) masturbate. Bottom line: after 24 years of marriage (4 kids, 9-16), I’ve given up and am just trying to figure out how to live without.
By ALMOST FIFTY
April 19, 2006 06:00 PM | Link to this
DEAR STARVED: WHAT WAS DIFFERENT ABOUT THAT SIX WEEKS? TRY TO RECREATE THAT TIME AGAIN…..
By Jessica
April 19, 2006 06:09 PM | Link to this
what about women? does are sex life affect how long we will live. i mean, what’s the use in putting out all of our “live forever” medicine if we don’t reap the benefits!…If my boyfriend wants to live longer, he’ll settle for sex 200 times as year and a bottle of lotion the rest of the time…
By starved
April 19, 2006 06:16 PM | Link to this
The 6 weeks was the result of a huge crisis fight over the issue. I challenged her to have sex with me 2x a week (or more) for six months and see how much our relationship changed. She surprised me and took the challenge. She lasted the 6 weeks.
By John
April 19, 2006 06:36 PM | Link to this
Well I must be the way below normal my wife doesn’t like sex so she says and its been a couple of years
By Jennifer
April 19, 2006 07:03 PM | Link to this
Starved, ok, that’s awful. The part about you not having a lot of sex is as disturbing as your wife never having an orgasm. Has she been to a doctor or anything? Seriously. Sometimes it can be a medical issue. Does she think sex is dirty? The whole, “I won’t masturbate” thing leads me to think she does, so I’m just asking and obviously you don’t have to reply to the question.
By starved
April 19, 2006 07:35 PM | Link to this
She was raised by a very strict religious father who was divorced from her promiscuous alcoholic mother. She says she does not think sex is dirty, but I think she must, at least to some extent. She does think masturbation is wrong and that’s why she won’t consider it. At times she has denied having any medical or emotional problem, and at other times she has acknowledged the possibility that she has some kind of problem (although still denying that any problem she may have is more than just a small part of our disagreements about sex). Any efforts to find out if there’s a problem have been erratic and not followed up on. And any counseling or advice books have come to an abrupt halt as soon as they start talking about masturbation as a way for her to learn what works.
By Jesse's Girl
April 20, 2006 07:39 AM | Link to this
Oh John and Starved! I am so very sorry for your situations. I must say, it speaks to what kind of men you are that you have not left or threatened divorce. I believe in marriage, compromise is the name of the game. But when one person just stops giving all affection and attention, the rules change. I’m not saying you immediately divorce or even separate when these things happen. But if you have gone YEARS without physical love from your spouse….I just can’t imagine. You guys need to go to counseling…..NOW!!! I think Starved…your wife has definite issues with letting herself get out of control. I’ve known a lot of women, in particular, who were adversely affected by their religious upbringings and this is the outcome….sex is bad and only to be done for the sake of procreation. John…..what happened at the beginning of the two year drought? You need to go to before all that and see what occured with her emotionally to make this an issue. Wow! I just can’t fathom not wanting my husband….sex is not everything, I’ll grant you that. But it sure does make the rest of it easier to deal with!
By trudy
April 20, 2006 08:12 AM | Link to this
John and Starved, This is a bit of a delicate question, but is it possible that your wives were victims of sexual abuse when they were a child? This happened to me and left me with alot of issues about sex—from radical promiscuity as a teenager to being repulsed by sex later on.
Starved, when you mentioned that you “challenged” your wife to have sex with you twice a week, I just cringed. To me, that would have felt like being forced to have sex against my will (I’m telling you…your mind is in a strange place when you have been abused)
Therapy helps, and I have come out the other end, so there is hope for your wives if this is their case.
Best of luck to you.
By Deprived
April 20, 2006 08:16 AM | Link to this
My husband and I are both 32 and married for 4 years. We have a WONDERFUL marriage … except in the bedroom. We average sex about 1x a month, but have gone as long as almost 3 months. Always on a Fri or Sat night before bed, and never anything different. BORING. I am extremely deprived and frustrated. I talk to him about his lack of sex drive / effort, but he just blames it on me saying that I complain that I am tired. That is so not true and is a blatant excuse. Truth is, he would rather be doing something else like watching tv or playing on the computer. If I had to guess, I would say that we had sex about 10 times last year. Not even on my birthday or valentine’s day, which are sure shots. I know that hubby isn’t cheating and I don’t want to go the counseling route yet. But something needs to give… err… someone needs to give…
By Jesse's Girl
April 20, 2006 08:29 AM | Link to this
Deprived….have you tried going the “exotic” route with him? Is there something that you could wear that would interest him? A particular attitude you could demonstrate…..you get where I’m going with this? Has he ever had problems with “attention”….”posture”….I’m trying very hard to be PG. Take him out somewhere and act in a totally un-you way. Maybe he’s bored too and just doesn’t know how to tell you what he wants.
By Deprived
April 20, 2006 08:41 AM | Link to this
Jesse’s Girl… yes, I have tried wearing sexy lingerie, being aggressive / passive, touching him, everything. I have tried walking around the house naked, I bought lotions and coupons, and nothing seems to interest him. He doesn’t want to order dirty movies. I have tried to role-play… nothing. No medical problems or history of abuse. I am 130 lbs and “blessed in the chest” so physical appearance is not an issue either. I feel so undesired and it is depressing.
By jen
April 20, 2006 08:44 AM | Link to this
I know how you feel deprived. We have gone as long as 9 months without sex. We have been to counseling but it has not worked. I am still in the same boat. Wondering if I am going to have to live the rest of my life this way.
By Jesse's Girl
April 20, 2006 08:54 AM | Link to this
I read an interesting article in Psychology Today…..my good friend is a therapist. It spoke about how most when having an affair will go to emotioanl extremes. To hide their affair, they will treat their wife like a queen….sort of throwing her off the trail if you will. This behavior is also due to the fact that the affair sometimes awakens feelings of youth and excitement. On the other end of the spectrum, they will completely withdraw and treat the wife like she is invisible…due to his severe guilt. Is it possible this is what is happening? No offense at all….but is his bread buttered on the other side?
By Heather
April 20, 2006 08:54 AM | Link to this
I found this blog yesterday and I have to say…I love it! Deprived, I agree with Jesse’s, maybe something that is totally not you will get him going. Get that little black dress out, take him out on the town…don’t forget…either sexy matching bra/thong set or nothing underneath that dress. If that doesn’t help, there is alway the “automobile” bj…
I’ve been divorced for 18 months and with my current boyfriend for 5 months. Yes, we did the deed a bit too early in our relationship but we have not looked back. The compatibility is undenyable. I just have to say WOW when it comes to the bedroom with this man. I know we are over the average, just in the past 4 months alone.
Thanks for the subject Theresa. It’s been fun. What’s on tap for the next!
By Deprived
April 20, 2006 09:11 AM | Link to this
I know for a fact that he is not cheating. I know where he is at all times of the day. I am 200% positive of this. Everything is great in our marriage except for the lack of sex. I haven’t given up yet on trying to get some but it sure would be easier if my other half would cooperate just a little! Heather, I am glad that you have a much “healthier” life now!
By TDub
April 20, 2006 09:22 AM | Link to this
@Jen and Deprived Wow, I didn’t even know married cpls went that long without having sex. I am in total amazement.
Anyway, I agree with Jesse’s Girl. Your husband’s have to be doing something on the side. What man is going to pass up on his wife or any woman for that matter, that is walking around the house butt naked or in skimpy outfits with the heels, or the little french maid outfits? Let me stop. I’m starting to get a visual!!
By jen
April 20, 2006 09:25 AM | Link to this
Well if my hubby is getting it on the side he is dang good at hiding it. I hired a detective and he found nothing. I sleep naked, I wear skimpy outfits I will flash him when I have on thongs etc. and nothing. I think he is dead sexually.
By TDub
April 20, 2006 09:29 AM | Link to this
He has to be especially since you’re sleeping naked and all of the above.
By TDub
April 20, 2006 09:31 AM | Link to this
Jen-what does he say whenever you guys talk about it? I’m interested in knowing what his side of the story is.
By Jesse's Girl
April 20, 2006 09:32 AM | Link to this
Either your husbands are channeling Morrisey from The Smith’s or they are weighing the pros and cons of life on the other side. No man can resist what you two are describing on such a regular basis. I think its time for some counseling ladies, you have tried everything else! There does come a time when outside intervention is necessary. Skip the routine marriage counselor and make an appt with a sex therapist.
By jen
April 20, 2006 09:32 AM | Link to this
He says he is tired. That I may be tired and he doesn’t want to bother me. He also says that he just doesn’t think about it that much anymore. There is always some excuse in my opinion. Just rape my body and get it over with. LOL
By Deprived
April 20, 2006 09:33 AM | Link to this
Jen, sorry to hear that. I hope that things get better for you. As for myself, there truly is no way that he is cheating. My mind is open enough to consider the thought, but it is just not possible. Never been a shred of evidence of infedelity and I know where he is at every minute.
By TDub
April 20, 2006 09:36 AM | Link to this
Tired? From what? The daily commute? Walking to and from the copy machine/printer? C’mon! He needs to get his act together. Tell him he is really missing out. He also says that he just doesn’t think about it that much anymore That’s a lie! Men think about sex every 5-8 seconds. In the time it has taken me to type this, I’ve thought about it at least 7 times!!!
By TDub
April 20, 2006 09:38 AM | Link to this
Jen, what are you guys ages if you don’t mind me asking?
By jen
April 20, 2006 09:44 AM | Link to this
I am 33 and he is 32. He does have a long commute but I do all the housework, I also work and deal with the children. Who sleep in their own beds.
By TDub
April 20, 2006 09:49 AM | Link to this
C’MON! You guys are waaaayyyy too young! I mean he’s too young to talk that way! Well we can’t say that his age has anything to do with him being too tired. Slip his a*s some Viagra in his dinner. When he sees that he is at “attention”, he won’t have no choice but to give you some.
Same goes for you Deprived.
By Jesse's Girl
April 20, 2006 09:57 AM | Link to this
Ok guys…I think perhaps we should PG our comments a touch. Theresa does have higher ups looking over her cyber shoulder….talk in code about certain things.
By TDub
April 20, 2006 10:13 AM | Link to this
You’re right. Sorry Jesse’s Girl. And Theresa!
By Hot_Mama
April 20, 2006 01:18 PM | Link to this
I love sex but I want someone that is attractive!! Hubby gained a bunch of weight and his teeth have some weird brown stuff along the gumline. He refuses to see a dentist, and won’t loose weight. He refuses to talk to a counselor, either. I am in a bad place lately. I am going to start counsiling without him. I am only 30 and pretty darn attractive. I desreve an attactive husband, darn-it! I don’t understand why he won’t take care of the basics of teeth and weight. Any suggestions on how to motivate him to work on his looks?
By T-Man
April 20, 2006 01:32 PM | Link to this
Jen maybe he feels that he is inadequate. there are some men out there that need to feel that they are worth the womens time. Does he feel like he pleases you in bed. Does give the Tarzan yell when finished. Not to make lite of your situation but just a thought.
By Susie
April 20, 2006 01:57 PM | Link to this
Jennifer, barring physical limitations, I think that sex DOES play a major role in a marriage. I said before somewhere on here that I don’t know how these guys (or anyone) who were suddenly “cut off” after the honeymoon stay with the person they married.
A wedding ring is not your guarantee that you’ve “got him,” no matter how you treat him.
An illness that prevents physical intimacy is different. That comes under “sickness and health.” Being arbitrarily forced into celibacy is a whole other ball of wax.
By Susie
April 20, 2006 02:11 PM | Link to this
Trudy, I think you are onto something, especially with “Starved’s” wife. Even if not sexual abuse, to me it seems like an “extremely religious father” brainwashing his kid to think sex something that she will burn in hell for is abusive in and of itself.
By Susie
April 20, 2006 02:13 PM | Link to this
Deprived, I haven’t read ahead to see if this has been suggested, but has your husband ever had his testosterone levels checked? Low testosterone will cause a lack of drive in men.
Of course, he’s going to say there’s nothing wrong with HIM, so getting him to the doctor will be an uphill battle, if he’s never been checked before.
By Susie
April 20, 2006 02:24 PM | Link to this
DTub, a guy with very low testosterone (which happened to my BIL starting at around age 30) will make you so a Victoria’s Secret model could come on to you and you wouldn’t be interested.
We aren’t the only ones who sometimes fall victim to our hormones!
By Susie
April 20, 2006 02:30 PM | Link to this
I should add that any guy who NEVER wants any KNOWS this isn’t normal, no matter how much he tries to convince you (or himself) that it is. The whole “there’s nothing wrong with me” thing is nuts, and a husband OR a wife owes it to his or her spouse to go see a doctor and at least rule out something physical that can be treated.
By michelle
April 20, 2006 03:12 PM | Link to this
i haven’t read past what i posted yesterday…hell, i’m still reading to where BEFORE i posted! :p
anyways, quick comment on the “outing”.
there is a word for people who come into blogs or onto message boards for no other reason than to cause trouble. they are called trolls or attention whores. trolls normally get either warned by moderators or banned from the site altogether because their presence is unnecessary except to fulfill their attention deficits.
if you post things of value to the topic and still want your anonymity, that’s perfectly fine. but if you come here with the intent to disrupt, you are a troll and you should be outed. end of story.
continue the sex talk!
By michelle
April 20, 2006 03:56 PM | Link to this
alright….where’d all the comments go????
before i posted last (which curiously is no longer up on the site - ??), there were 260 comments, now it’s down to 253?
someone been deleting posts??? WHY?
By Hot_Mama
April 20, 2006 04:53 PM | Link to this
Jen you sound hot. I’d do you!
By fk
April 21, 2006 08:11 AM | Link to this
Oh,Theresa this one brought back memories and laughs. Way back when, while we in college, my friend took a Humanities course. The instructor polled the class as to how many times they thought singles had sex, then he polled them again asking how many times they thought married couples had sex.
Regarding the marrieds, most of the answers were 5, 7 or 10. However, my oversexed friend thought that married couples should have sex at least 23 times per week. Needless to say, she turned a lot of heads in that class.
She had a formula…three times a day during the week…first thing in the a.m., as soon as everyone was home from work, and then again before bedtime. On the weekends, four times. By the end of that particular class, the guy next to her had asked her out on a date…hmmm.
By E
April 21, 2006 11:01 AM | Link to this
What about age as it relates to drive and frequency? I hear that women generally experience an increase around 30. Is this true?
By TDub
April 24, 2006 11:38 AM | Link to this
Hot Mama, if you need someone to talk to, call me! Satisfaction garaunteed! LOL
By JP
April 25, 2006 04:44 PM | Link to this
I have bean married for 14 years we only have sex once every two week if I am lucky. This is not due to me. It makes me think she is having an afair with someone.