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March 2006
When do you let yourself go gray?
Do you color it or grow old gracefully?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
So my husband just walked by me while I was typing, looked at the top of my head and said “You need to take care of that.�
He is referring to the gray in my hair, which over the last five years has gotten more and more pronounced. (I think with the addition of each child!) From a distance I would still be described as brown-haired. But when you get up close, as my husband just did, there are a lot of gray streaks running through the top and front.
So the question is: At what age do you let yourself go gray?
Am I the only one who doesn’t want to get on the hair coloring merry-go-round? It’s costly. It’s time consuming. I don’t think I can use the semi-permanent ones because I wash my hair every day (curls go crazy if I don’t). However, if you use permanent then you have to deal with roots. My mother colored her hair for more than 30 years! She has just in the last year let her hair go gray.
I used to highlight my hair for kicks a lot so I’m not opposed to hair color. I’m just not sure I want to get on that train for 30 years. What are you ladies doing?
Permalink | Comments (120) | Categories: Battles between Mom and Dad
How do you and your husband divide up work at home?
Does working out of the house give a mom more power to divy up chores?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
How do you and your husband decide who does what jobs around the house? Do they fall along the traditional roles of mom cooks and cleans, dad takes care of cars? Do you mix it up based on who has strengths in particular areas or who enjoys certain chores? Is it evenly divided? Was it ever actually discussed or just a pattern that your family has fallen into? Can you ask for help or ask for a new division of labor? Have your duties changed as you have added children to your family?
Do you think a wife who works outside of the home has more hand in telling her husband to help out with housework?
If you are a stay-at-home mom, is it automatically assumed that everything in the home domain is your responsibility?
Permalink | Comments (79) | Categories: Running the household
Is it tacky to take your kid into a liquor store?
Is it morally wrong, just plain tacky or A-OK to take kids to the liquor store? Does the age of the kids make a difference?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I had a little ladies’ night last Saturday night for a few of my preschool mom friends. I was making sangria and needed Triple sec for the recipe. I opted to sub in another orange-flavored liqueur because I didn’t want to take my children into the liquor store to buy the other ingredient.
What’s odd is I bought the red wine at the grocery store with my son and wasn’t embarrassed by that. However, taking them into the liquor store just seems trashy.
My husband said if I just bought one or two bottles of something then that wasn’t trashy. However, if I needed a cart then I was over the line. One of the moms at the party said when you ask the kids to carry the bottles out for you then you are over the line.
What do you guys think? Where is the line with the liquor store and kids? Is it worse if they’re older and understand what you are buying or worse if you’ve got a baby on your hip?
Permalink | Comments (328) | Categories: Family Life
Preschool prep, limit setting for teens
Check out these two great stories for parents today
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Today’s paper had a lot of great stuff for parents.
Two stories in particular: For parents of older kids, check out the story about setting limits for your teens in the Living section. Parents are asked how they would handle different scenarios and then experts offer their opinions as well. See what you think.
The other great story was on the front of today’s paper about kids getting private tutoring before kindergarten. Check out the story and then tell us what you think.
This story stressed me out! We obviously want our children to do well. We read to them every day. We make an effort to talk about shapes, colors and opposites with the little one. We talk about the alphabet and the sounds letters make with both of them. We try to teach them math skills by using manipulatives, such as toys and candy. Should we be doing more? Should we be doing less?
I was talking to my older cousin a few weeks ago about being worried about my daughter’s math skills because mine are so bad. She told me relax and that she hoped I was letting her Goddaughter just play some.
Where do you stand? Do you think preschoolers need tutors to get ahead, their parents teaching them or their parents should just let them play?
Permalink | Comments (7) | Categories: Education
Clearing up some allergy confusion
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’m sitting in the drop-off line at my kids’ preschool hoping like crazy that no one notices the snot dripping from my son’s nose. I dosed him with Benadryl this morning to halt the tell-tale line of clear liquid inching down his upper lip. It’s not green and he doesn’t have a fever so, according to my rudimentary understanding of medicine, he’s not sick. I think — I hope — it’s just allergies.
Up to 20 percent of children are affected by allergies of some type, says Dr. Keith Phillips, an associate professor of Pediatrics at Emory University School of Medicine and a specialist in allergy and immunology.
He took some time to answer some of our allergy questions. Here’s what we learned:
Q. What are the best ways to tell the difference between a seasonal allergy and a cold?
A. One of the best discriminating symptoms is allergy itches. You have nasal itching, and frequently itching of the eyes. The child may rub the nose and eyes vigorously and often have not just sneezing, but short bursts of sneezing. Allergy has no associated fever. Drainage from the nose should be clear. All of the other symptoms — congestion, sniffling, nose blowing, red eyes, even sore throat, can be seen with either allergy or infection.
Q. Will the lymph nodes swell if it is just an allergy?
A. Lymph nodes, particularly in the front of the neck, are often fairly prominent in allergic children. These lymph nodes, however, should not be tender or cause discomfort. [However, the] sudden appearance of tender nodes in the neck or any other body area is usually due to a regional infection.
Q. Do allergy seasons affect asthma?
A. Yes, but only if allergy is a triggering factor for a child’s asthma. Allergy plays a role in up to 80 percent of children over age 3 who have asthma.
Q. Does having pets, such as a cat or dog, during a child’s infancy affect his chances of developing an allergy to that animal?
A. A theory states that low allergen exposure in the first year of life actually promotes development of the allergic state.
Q. So, should we let them be exposed to the dog and cat?
A. Despite these general observations, many children become intensely sensitive to animals despite considerable exposure to pets in the first year of life. My feeling at present is it’s probably best to avoid indoor pets if there is a family history of allergy.
Q. What is the best way to treat allergies?
A. If possible, the best way to treat allergy is to avoid your child’s triggering factors. If they’re sensitive to food, these are recognizable and avoidable. With house dust mites and animal allergens, avoidance also can be very helpful. What you can do about reducing pollen or mold exposure, on the other hand, is relatively limited. The second step, if the first is not successful or practical, is a well-designed, safe, well-tolerated medication program.
Q. If a child is constantly on Claritin or Zyrtec, can that hurt his liver?
A. Overall, the safety of the medicines we employ in treating childhood allergy are excellent.
Permalink | Comments (6) | Categories: Health
Are you a Queen Bee Mom?
Where do you fall in the social hierarchy of motherhood?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Do you lead the pack? Are you a follower? Do you get steamrolled by your “friends?â€? Authors Rosalind Wiseman and Elizabeth Rapoport suggest that just like high school, moms have a social hierarchy. Many of you are already aware of this — you guys were talking about it Tuesday on the blog.
Parenting magazine ran in its April issue a breakdown of the social groups from Wiseman’s new book “Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads.� Here is a quickie look at the cliques you might fall into:
1. Queen Bee – Appears to have the perfect life, very charming and loves to be in charge! You don’t want to challenge her in any way.
2. The Sidekick – Second in command under Queen Bee. Organizes her calendar so she and kids can be with the Queen Bee. (I have done this and finally realized this is crazy!)
3. Starbucks and Sympathy – Wields power behind the scenes. May comfort you but then turn on you when convenient for her.
4. Torn wannabes and desperate wannabes – Both want to raise their stock. May privately support you but abandon you when a confrontation erupts. Torn wannabes know better, desperate ones are just desperate.
5. Steamrolled moms – Sacrifices her needs to avoid conflicts. She often says “Whatever is fine.�
6. Floater moms – Genuinely liked for who they are, they embody nice popularity. Have decided they’re not going to waste their time on parents who still act like they are in high school.
7. Reformed moms – Used to be involved in the cliques but has analyzed her behavior and changed her ways.
8. Invisible moms – Well-meaning moms who attend school functions but never speak up!
9. Outcast moms – Are just out of it. She doesn’t live in the right neighborhood or go to the right church. She is vulnerable to dismissal or attack, but also has the freedom to not worry about her social pecking order.
So where do you fall into the social scheme of things and is that where you want to be? How do you get out of the silly high school role games?
Permalink | Comments (86) | Categories: What kind of Mom are you?
What were your biggest misconceptions about motherhood?
How has the experience of giving birth or raising kids been different than your expectations?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have two friends who gave birth in the last month so I’ve been thinking a lot about myths and expectations of motherhood. Here are a few examples of some misconceptions:
1. The baby will have its space and the parents will have their space — I went to see a girlfriend a few years back who was pregnant. She told me that her bedroom was their space, and it would off limits to the baby. I didn’t say anything at the time. After the baby came, she brought up her previous statement and said she was crazy.
2. The idea that you’ll actually want to see people in the hospital and that you’ll actually look cute after you give birth. In the Elizabeth Taylor version of “Father of the Bride II,� Elizabeth’s character is packing adorable lacy nightgowns to receive visitors in at the hospital. I actually shopped for a cute nightgown and robe and then felt like an idiot. I was so afraid I was going to bleed on them, I didn’t want to wear them. I was figuring out how to nurse, and was freaked out someone would see my boob. I was really fine with no visitors.
3. You’ll be able to talk about anything else other than your wonderful little creation — One of my girlfriends who recently delivered her first sent me a note a few months back saying a good topic would be those parents who only talk about their children. (I’m still wondering if this was a slam at me seeing as how my job is to talk about my kids). I thought just wait until you’re holding your sweet little bundle and we’ll see if any topic compares.
What were your misconceptions about giving birth and raising kids?
Permalink | Comments (195) | Categories: What kind of Mom are you?
Worrying over how to talk about race
Did I chicken out? Did a miss a teachable moment, or did I just give her the information a child could handle? Would a parent of another race have handled it differently?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We recently took our 4- and 2-year-old to see President Andrew Jackson’s house in Nashville. As we descended the spiral staircase and stepped behind the main house, I realized the grounds had slave quarters that guests could tour. I completely panicked.
My 4-year-old daughter plays with anybody, any color, any time. She goes to a mixed preschool, and we live in a racially diverse neighborhood. She herself is mixed — part Asian and part white. We loved that our children were color-blind – to them everyone was just a playmate.
We’ve talked with our children about different cultures (pointing out different languages, holidays and foods), but never really about race. We didn’t want to plant any ideas that people are ever treated differently.
I know at some point she will have to learn the harsh realities of how terribly African-Americans have been treated in this country (and other races for that matter), but I just didn’t want to saddle her at 4 with the fact that people owned other people.
On the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday, I started to explain to my daughter why she was home from school. As I was talking to her, images started flashing in my mind of police dogs attacking blacks and water hoses being used to repel peaceful protestors. I paused for a second, regrouped, and decided to simply say that King was a strong man who worked hard so people would be treated fairly.
Did I chicken out? Did a miss a teachable moment, or did I just give her the information that a 4-year-old could handle? Would a parent of another race have handled it differently?
After these incidents, I spoke with four national experts about how and when to teach your kids about race. According to some experts, we were doing OK (our whole family regularly hangs out with people different races and ethnicities — good), but according to others we had already screwed it up royally (We never verbally acknowledge that people are different colors and my children have no vocabulary to describe different races — bad).
Kecia Thomas, associate professor of psychology and African-American studies at the University of Georgia, and a mother of a 5 and 8-year-old, says color-blindness is not the answer. “(If we) go out of our way not to mention race, what message does that send? It’s taboo — something to be ignored. What we really want to do is model an appreciation of differences.â€?
Jane Kostelc, a specialist in child development and parenting for the Parent as Teachers National Center, says learning about race and culture is a story that should unfold for children. Babies start to notice differences at six months (sometimes younger) with no value judgment. They start to sort and classify things as toddlers. When they make observations about skin color, they look for you to confirm what they see.
Some of the experts said you should simply say, “Yes, that boy is white.� They believe when you’re dealing with preschoolers, and sometimes even elementary school kids, you should specifically answer what was asked without broadening the discussion. Kostelc said kids are very much in the moment, and you don’t want to offer more information than they’re ready to handle.
Other experts felt that you should make it a teachable moment and use it to explain more about race.
How does your race affect your teaching?
I understand the teachable moment, but I still think that 4 is too young to dump the wrong of slavery on her. But would my perspective be different if I were black instead of white?
During Coretta Scott King’s funeral, I listened to an African-American father describe how his 2-year-old has been told since he was born that his people had suffered and how far they have come.
Mary Zurn, vice president of early childhood education for Primrose Schools, a national franchiser of pre-schools, said the approach to discussing discrimination and suffering differs based on individual experience and history. “If your family has received a really bad hurt at some point that does get handed down.� She said Holocaust victim’s families will teach that history differently than others, as will Cambodian families who experienced the Khmer Rouge regime.
Some experts suggested that your own racial comfort level also affects how you teach the topic. Kids totally pick up if you’re being fake or uncomfortable.
My husband grew up in racially mixed military communities all over the Europe and in the South. As a young man, he felt more comfortable with black kids than other groups. I grew up in Gwinnett County when it was lily white. Parkview High School had about 1,600 students when I graduated — fewer than 5 of whom were black. There were some Indian and Asian students, but not anywhere near the numbers they are today.
I do think I’m less comfortable talking about race because of the community I grew up in. I think my husband is more comfortable because of his upbringing.
Derald Wing Sue, a professor of psychology and education at Teachers College at Columbia University and a leading author on race and racism, says it’s more about actions than talk. Some well-intentioned parents preach accepting everyone, but their non-verbal cues send a different message, he said.
Sue said he recently observed some white mothers with their 4 or 5-year-old daughters on a McDonald’s playground. One of the little girls began to play with a younger black boy. Her mother got up and encouraged her to rejoin her friends. As soon as the mother sat down, the little girl went back over to the little boy. At that point all three mothers in unison stood up and said time to go.
Sue says he assumes based on his past research that, “If I talked to the mother, she would talk about equality — teaching children not to have prejudice,â€? but her nonverbal cues told her child that certain groups are to be avoided.
Parents should realize that combating bias and prejudice has to be part of your everyday life. The children watch you as a role model. When a child sees you interact in an equal relationship with someone of another race, that is much more powerful than talking about equality.
The kids and I regularly hang out with Hispanic and Asian families. The kids play with African-Americans at school and at the YMCA, but right now the only black person who comes to our home is our housekeeper. Sue said this was bad, and I agree. I would be happy if a friendship with an African-American family developed naturally, but I think it’s disrespectful to pursue one just so I can say I have black friends.
Zurn says if you’re having a hard time opening a discussion about race (like me), to try sprinkling books that discuss differences into your regular reading with your children. Zurn likes ones with subtle messages, not moralistic ones.
Here are some tips as well as a suggested booklist:
Derald Wing Sue, a professor of psychology and education at Teachers College at Columbia University and a leading author on race and racism, says it’s not just about talking to kids about race, it’s about showing them. He recommends these actions:
Be an anti-racist parent. Raise your children to understand concepts of race, inclusion and discrimination. Make anti-racism part of an everyday vocabulary. For example, if someone is telling a racist joke, the parent should cut them off and tell them it’s not appropriate. Smiling and being polite at an off-color joke, send the wrong message to little eyes and ears.
Be a role model – oppose biased views and practices. Invite families of other color into your home.
Be an ally to those who are discriminated against.
Be a student — most of us believe we are well-intentioned, but we need to understand our own bias and prejudices. If you find yourself locking the car door when you see Latino youngsters approaching, then there is something internally you need to work out.
Mary Zurn, vice president of early childhood education for Primrose Schools, recommends these books to help children learn about racial differences, including of her personal favorites: “Chrysanthemum,� by Kevin Henkes and “People,� by Peter Spier.
Her other suggestions:
“Black Is Brown Is Tan,� by Arnold Adoff ; illustrated by Emily Arnold McCully.
“Celebrations, Celebraciones: Holidays of the United States and Mexico,� by Nancy Maria Grande Tabor.
“Dumpling Soup,� by Jama Kim Rattigan.
“Elizabeti’s Doll,� by Stephanie Stuve-Bodeen ; illustrated by Christy Hale.
“Let’s Talk About Race,� by Julius Lester; illustrated by Karen Barbour.
“Madlenka,� by Peter Sis
“Margaret and Margarita,� by Lynn Reiser
“Play,� by Ann Morris ; photographs by Ken Heyman.
“Tell Me a Story, Mama,� by Angela Johnson; illustrated by David Soman.
“The Bus for Us,� by Suzanne Bloom.
“The Other Side,� by Jacqueline Woodson; illustrations by Earl B. Lewis.
Permalink | Comments (33) | Categories: Education
Tell us your potty training secrets! We need them!
How do you get your kids to make on the potty without making yourself crazy?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This blog goes out to Jesse’s Girl and all the other ladies who want and need some potty talk!
Potty training is one of the worst gigs a mother gets. If you push them too much it becomes a power struggle. If you don’t start soon enough you worry you’ve missed your window of opportunity. Either way, you clean up more pee and poop than that guy at the circus.
Tell us how you convince your kids to take care of business on the potty. Are pull-ups from the Devil or do they really help? What about the run-around-out-back-naked method? (Sadly, I would be worried about who’s watching!) Do you hand out stars, M&Ms, or Skittles? Do you train on the little potty or the big one? What age do you start? Are boys harder than girls? Are seconds easier than firsts or is it all individual to the personality of the child? Are you sure you’re training them or just yourself to take them to the potty every 2 hours?
Permalink | Comments (63) | Categories: Health
How do you handle your teen’s spring break trip?
Do you let your college kids and teens travel alone? Are chaperones effective if they go? Are international locales off your list?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Many colleges are out this week for spring break, and the high schools are soon to follow. How do you handle these yearly sojourns?
Do you have any say with college-age students? Do you ask them to check in with you each night? Do you get their hotel and airline info? Do you chip in any money? Do you sleep at all the entire time they’re gone?
What about high schoolers? Do you let them travel just with friends? Do you send a parent along? What do you expect from the chaperone? What do you think they’re doing down there? What do you tell them before they travel? Do you feel safer sending them to Panama Beach than to say Aruba?
One of my babysitters is heading to Panama City in two weeks. She’s a senior in high school, and it makes me so nervous. I talked with her mom the other night about it. She says one of the moms is going down with the group of girls. I told my babysitter before she took her last trip never to go anywhere alone with boys and to always stay with her girlfriends.
How do you handle this rite of passage?
Permalink | Comments (172) | Categories: Family Life
Could you share your husband?
Would polygamy give you more of a support system for your family or would the wives just tear each other apart?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
After watching the premier of the HBO show “Big Love� on Sunday night I started to wonder if polygamy was really workable.
If you haven’t heard of the show, here’s the gist of it: “Big Love� is about a man who has three wives and seven kids. They live in three houses right next door to each other on a normal suburban street. Behind big fences, the backyards are connected as if it were one big compound. Each woman runs her individual household and has her own children, but they come together for family nights and each wife helps the others out. They each get scheduled nights with the husband, and the first wife sets the budgets and schedule. (Note to self: You want to be the first wife.)
Now I totally get it’s morally wrong (most folks would say) and illegal (at least according to the United States government), but are there some benefits to this type of arrangement? (Check out this site for an essay about polygamy being the ultimate feminist lifestyle.) Is it like getting a built-in village to help take care of your children? Could you better balance a career and your family if there was another wife to help get dinner on the table and take care of the kids? (Or is that just called a free housekeeper?)
I personally think I’m way too competitive to share a husband. As hard as I try, I can’t help but compare my kids to other kids we know. Can you imagine the comparisons if they were from the same father? Also I would get mad if he kept coming home late on my night – I’d wonder if he was coming home late on the other nights too. Plus, I think I would be way too territorial about the way my household was run and my cooking. Aren’t all women that way – don’t we all think we know the best way to raise our family and take care of it?
Does polygamy have some good points? How would you do with other wives in the picture?
Permalink | Comments (205) | Categories: Battles between Mom and Dad
What are you singing to your kids?
What are you singing to your kids?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My husband and I are terrible singers. I mean off-key, ear-splitting bad.
When I start to sing along with a tune on the radio, my 4- and 2-year-old immediately let me know. “Mama, stop singing. You’re ruining the song.�
But when they were infants, it was a different story. Everyone knows that nothing is more calming to a fussy baby than her parent’s voice, so even nonsingers like us have to try to belt out lullabies.
You can only sing “Rock-a-Bye Baby� so many times, and I have never been crazy about that scary falling cradle part. Then there’s that “Hush, Little Baby� song, but I can never remember what Mama’s going to buy.
I tried everything with memorable lyrics. Church hymns. Holiday favorites — “Frosty the Snowman� and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer� stayed in the rotation long after New Year’s. When I ran out of actual songs to sing, I would lapse into TV themes. Even today, my kids can sing the themes from “Scooby-Doo� and “Spiderman� on command.
My husband’s choices were even stranger. My son can sing along with Ben Folds’ ballads, University of Georgia football cheers and country singer Brad Paisley. And, some of his choices were downright inappropriate: No one wants to hear an 18-month-old singing the The Dixie Chicks’ infidelity ballad, “When you Were Mine.�
With my daughter, who was fussier than the average newborn, I had to delve deeper, think harder to find songs I knew the words to. The list was short.
My hours of listening and singing along to the “Grease� album would finally pay off! I could be Danny. I could be Sandy. I could even be Rizzo. Although, “There Are Worse Things I Could Do,� a song about promiscuity and teen-age pregnancy, probably was not the most appropriate song to be singing to a baby.
Then I started going through the records that got me through the ’80s. My favorite is my slowed-down rendition of Rick Springfield’s “Jessie’s Girl.�
When I finished my Air Supply and Journey sets, I would then revert to songs my parents used to sing. My parents didn’t know all the words 30 years ago, so there’s a lot of improvisation that I’m certain Doris Day would not approve of. My version of “Que Sera Sera� is highly suspect and involves new lyrics each time.
I was particularly rough on Rogers and Hammerstein, mangling “A Few of My Favorite Things� and singing a version of “Surrey With the Fringe on Top� that would make Curley cringe.
What are you singing to your kids at night? Do you pull from your childhood?
Permalink | Comments (10) | Categories: Family Life
Does birth order really matter?
Do you fall into the classic roles with your siblings? How about your children?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Does the order you were born affect your relationship with your siblings? Do you think your parenting style is also influenced by it? Do you see the classic roles forming with your own children? Do you try to encourage those roles or discourage them? Do you think they are unavoidable?
My older brother (by three years) was put in the hospital yesterday with multiple things wrong with his heart and lungs. The respiratory therapist asked us yesterday, “Who takes care of whom?� We both sat there for a minute thinking about it. We eventually came up with a pretty similar answer: He always protected me as a child (on the bus, at home, in high school.) Since hitting adulthood though I have tended to mother him (much to his annoyance!). I never really felt like we fell into the classic roles assigned by birth order.
My daughter is two years older than her brother, and she does try to take care of him at this point. I don’t really see many other characteristics yet. I’m not sure at what point their roles become clear or if they ever do.
What do you see when you look at your children’s ordinal positions? What do you find in your own position with your siblings? How does it affect your parenting?
Permalink | Comments (33) | Categories: Health
How do you handle other kids’ birthday parties?
Do you have a set amount that you usually spend? Do you still give a present if you don’t go to the party?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
How do you normally handle other kids’ birthday parties? Do you have a set amount that you spend on school friends versus close family friends? Do you still give a present even if you can’t make it to the party? Do the parents usually invite everyone in the class, only one sex, or only individual friends? Do you hang around the party or drop the kids off? At what age do parents stop coming?
It seems like we go to a birthday party every weekend. Our preschool teacher won’t put the invitations in the children’s bags unless the whole class is invited. I usually spend around $15 for a class friend and a little more for a close buddy. And I usually don’t give a present if we can’t attend the party unless it’s a close family friend.
What’s your modus operandi for birthday parties?
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Grandma was no dope
What's your prescription for handling a houseful of children?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have often wondered how my grandmother handled six boys when I can barely get through the grocery store with my two kids. I finally found out her secret – she DRUGGED them!
I discovered this information when my daughter was prescribed Paragoric for a nasty stomach virus. Her pediatrician, who was literally my pediatrician and is at least in his 70s now, said it would calm her and help stop the diarrhea.
What my old-school doctor didn’t mention, and what I found out from the pharmacist, is the medicine is rarely given anymore because it’s an opiate! It used to be sold over-the-counter, but people started abusing it so they made it prescription only.
When I mentioned the drug to my mother, she immediately recognized the name and said, “Oh yes, Grandmother Walsh used to give it to the boys all the time.â€? I was shocked, but things started to add up. A sleep-inducing drug that my now-deceased grandmother could get at any corner drugstore — no wonder she wasn’t ripping her hair out.
One-by-one I asked my uncles if they remembered the medicine. Each one recalled fondly (I guess so!) grandmother dosing them liberally. If they complained about an earache, a stomach ache, a headache, my grandmother would give them a spoonful of this magic remedy.
Moms today don’t even like giving Tylenol unless the child has a raging fever. We would never do that.
Or would we?
I mentioned this story to a woman at my church last summer. She has four kids and also had an old-school pediatrician. She told me that her pediatrician advised her to keep a bottle of Paragoric in her medicine cabinet so she could give it to the children whenever SHE needed a good night’s sleep.
What! I was shocked again, but I guess I shouldn’t judge until I have four kids.
I’ve always wanted a lot of children. I only have one brother, and I have always thought we were pretty boring. I am fascinated by my father’s large family and the flurry of activity six boys must have created in their Savannah home.
The effects of my father’s many siblings can still be seen today. He is very possessive of his underwear because the boys had to share a community underwear drawer. He’s also a little grabby at dinnertime still trying to make sure he gets his fair share. And even though my father has already lost three of his brothers, he still has two to love and support him. They are witnesses to his childhood and often reminisce about growing up together.
I watch parents with large families closely. I’m always trying to figure out how they manage and if we could do it too.
As I watch them, I wonder if the economic law of diminishing returns applies to children. We learned in college that one or two Krispy Kremes do you just right but three or four will make you feel sick. Is there a point where just like doughnuts you can have too many kids? Is there a point where the children don’t get the attention they deserve, and the parents don’t get the time off they need? How do you know where that point is?
Permalink | Comments (39) | Categories: General Frustrations of Motherhood
How sick is too sick to go to school?
How do you decide when to keep your child home from daycare or school?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
How do you determine when your child is too sick to attend school or daycare?
I have agonized all week about whether my daughter was too sick to send to preschool. She’s had a cold for about two weeks now. She never had a fever, but I kept her out two mornings at the beginning of the cold when she was sneezing everywhere. Now she’s just coughing, but it is an impressive hack.
I don’t want to get other children or the teachers sick, but coughs can linger after colds for more than two weeks. She’s bored at home, and I don’t want her to miss what they are doing at school. Plus, even though I don’t officially have to show up at an office, I still have days that I need to get work done.
Do you keep your kids out at the beginning, middle or end of a cold? How do you know when it is safe for them to return? How does missing work weigh against spreading an illness or sending your child to school when he might not quite be 100 percent?
Permalink | Comments (66) | Categories: Education
What’s the proper etiquette when flying with babies?
Do you always pay for an extra seat? Do you let them sit on your lap for free when it's allowed? Do other passengers have a right not to sit next to a baby?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When you fly with your baby do you let them sit in your lap or do you pay extra to have a seat? Do you feel strongly that they sit in a car seat for safety? How do you deal with the other passengers when traveling with a baby? How do you entertain and keep your baby as quiet as possible on a plane? Or do you not even worry about that?
A girlfriend of mine recently traveled from Atlanta to Philadelphia with her petite 1-year-old sitting on her lap. (Lap travel is allowed on most airlines until babies are 2 years old. Check out Delta’s policy on baby travel.) She had the window seat. The woman, who was supposed to be sitting next to her in the middle seat, starts yelling as soon as she sees the baby — “I’m not sitting next to that baby, and that mother should have bought that child a seat. And if she cared anything about that child, he would be in a car seat”.
My friend was so shocked and so offended. She told the woman, “Well, my baby doesn’t want to sit next to you either.”
An Army solider just back from Iraq swapped seats with the woman and had a lovely time with my friend and her child. The flight attendant apologized and told my girlfriend she would get her anything she wanted. At the end of the flight when the other passengers were debarking, many stopped to say what an excellent child she had and that the lady was nuts!
How do you handle flying with your kids?
Permalink | Comments (121) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
