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February 2006
Child’s play divides Mom & Dad
Where do you come down on play safety? Do Moms worry more?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Shay Roedemeier
Michael Giarrusso playing with Walsh, 2, as mom, Theresa, watches from the doorway.
My husband has a little game he likes to call “tossing.�It involves throwing one of our children, usually the 35-pound, 2-year-old, about 11 feet up into the air and then, in theory, catching him as he falls.
My son’s eyes grow wide. His hair flies up, and he screeches.
Meanwhile, I gasp, cover my mouth and hope my husband doesn’t screw up. I know the baby loves the sensation of being thrown, but I’m certain each time that the game will end with a cracked skull or worse.
Tossing is the physical embodiment of our philosophical differences of what is safe play. I’m probably too protective, and I know my husband wants to teach them fearlessness.
However, I think his laissez-fare approach to play is dangerous— especially for a 2-year-old who loves to climb, jump and lift heavy objects.
From the backyard to the front yard to the playground, we are complete opposites in what we will allow the children to do and how we supervise their activities.
Our backyard is wooded and has a creek. It also has snakes — “ poisonous ones according to my neighbors.
I keep the children on their swing set up close to the house and am constantly warning them to watch out for snakes and never to touch if they see one. (We’ve seen four in two years.)
My husband takes them right down to the creek bed to throw rocks into the water. I’m convinced the children are going to be swept away in the creek or at the very least have a pack of wild snakes attack them.
Since my husband insists on continuing to take them to the creek, I bought walkie-talkie wrist watches so after a snake bite, he could at least call me for help. He refused to wear it.
Then I called the University of Georgia Extension Service hoping they would advise me that my husband shouldn’t take my small children to the creek — “ regrettably they did not. They were thrilled he was exploring nature with them. (Great, thanks alma mater.)
Meanwhile in the front yard, when my husband is supervising, the children careen down the sloped driveway on Big Wheels, skates and basically anything that rolls.
They always have a great time, but with every fall I am certain their sweet little baby teeth are going to be smashed to smithereens or their little foreheads sliced open. (With our daredevil son my husband has finally recognized the benefit of the helmet.)
On the playground, I could never understand why I would return exhausted and why he would return seemingly refreshed. I eventually figured out that while I race from one side of the playground to the other to spot each child as they climb, my husband sits on a near-by bench and yells, “Shake it off, buddy,� when they inevitably fall.
I’m not sure this difference ever can be solved. He will always be the risk-taker, and I will always want to play it safe.
In the meantime, I rarely ask Michael to take the kids to the playground, and I’m investigating the environmental impact of bringing a mongoose into our backyard (Just one, not a lot!)
Permalink | Comments (69) | Categories: Battles between Mom and Dad
Compete in the Parent Olympics
Think you're a champ at changing diapers or getting the kids to bed quickly. Here's your chance to prove it!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
There are no cheering crowds, no commentators evaluating our performance (well at least not to our faces) and definitely no medals, but taking care of our kids each day is like our own little personal Olympics.
We are tested on strength, endurance and speed. Like our Olympic brethren, we play through the pain (Come on Kwan, nursing 12 times a day on a cracked nipple is much worse than skating on a hurt knee), and sometimes we too use performance enhancing drugs. (Diet Coke anyone?)
You may have thought you were past your physical prime and don’t have time for extensive training, but you have been preparing for this moment since your children were born. We invite you to compete in the PARENT OLYMPICS (play Olympic theme song in your head here.) We have no prizes, just the pride of knowing you are No. 1 (or maybe even No. 2).
I sent 13 possible events out to my friends about a month ago so we’d have some times for you to compete against. My girlfriend Patty and her husband Barry truly had the Olympic spirit and entered almost every event. With four children, Patty leads in most categories.
Post the events you choose and your times below in the blog. Please read the rules at the bottom of the blog before you compete.
The Parent Olympic Events
1. Time to change a poopy diaper, including putting the baby’s pants back on. (You can wash your hands after the timer has been stopped.)
Infant (0 to 1): Patty - 31 seconds
Toddler (1-3): Patty - 47 seconds; Theresa - 55 seconds
2. Diaper shot put – Longest distance you can throw and sink a wet, rolled up diaper into a trash can. (We’re looking for a distance here. We would like to thank Barry for this event suggestion.)
Theresa —18 feet across the family room. (Sorry Barry!)
Barry — 12 feet through the door into the garage.
3. Time to undress, bathe, brush teeth, read a story and have your children in bed with the lights out. (Parents must work independently – they can have a safety spotter for the tub if necessary. Parents please don’t leave children alone in the tub for any amount of time.) Please state number of children you are getting to bed for this category.
Theresa: 23 minutes for 2 kids
Patty: 30 minutes for 4 kids
4. Time to strap your child SAFELY into his car seat.
Infant (O to 1): Patty - 7 seconds
Toddler (1 to 3): Patty -5 seconds; Theresa - 11 seconds
Preschool (3 to 5): Theresa - 10 seconds
5. Number of things broken at a relative’s house in one visit.
Theresa: 3 things in 3 days at my father-in-law’s house two summers ago.
6. Number of things you can get done during your child’s practice (i.e. soccer, ballet, etc…). Keith: Pay bills and go to the grocery store.
The Parent Olympic Rules
1. First do no harm. Please do not endanger or hurt your children in any way trying to compete in these ridiculous events. The AJC is not responsible for any child hurt during the Parent Olympic trials.
2. You do not have to compete in all events to play. Choose whichever events make you feel comfortable.
3. All that is needed to enter is a first name and your time. Please be honest. The Olympic tradition is built on integrity.
4. Parents are welcome to submit their own events and their times for others to compete against. (However we reserve the right not to use your new event.)
5. The Parent Olympics are in no way endorsed or connected with the real Olympics.
Permalink | Comments (24) | Categories: What kind of Mom are you?
Do you have a deadline to have your last baby?
When do you plan to have your last child? Did you pick that age for a reason?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Is there a certain age you want to have all your babies by? Why have you chosen that age? Are you worried about finances, career, your own health, the health of the baby or something else?
A 62-year-old woman gave birth on Friday in California. She became one of the oldest women in the world to successfully have a baby. It was her 12th child. She also has 20 grandchildren and three great-grand children. She had another child 3 ½ years ago and said she didn’t want that son growing up without a sibling.
Thirty-five used to be the taboo age for women. Are you still afraid of 35? What age freaks you out now? How do you feel about the 62-year-old giving birth?
Permalink | Comments (149) | Categories: Health
Spreading the word on germs
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Finally, I can stop worrying about buying the expensive “immunity defense� orange juice. I can stop berating myself for not changing the childrens’ toothbrushes after every sneeze. And now I know whether Play-Doh is dangerous in the hands of a germy toddler.
I’ve gotten my peace of mind from infectious disease specialist Dr. Susan M. Ray, an associate professor of medicine at Emory University School of Medicine. She agreed to answer our most neurotic and paranoid germ questions. Some of her answers will save you money; all of them will help you keep your family healthier.
Here are summaries of some of her answers:
• How long can germs survive on toys and other objects?
Viruses and bacteria can live up to 2 hours or more on solid surfaces. Germ survival can vary with many germs encouraged by warmer temperature and higher humidity (conditions that might be more like the human body). Survival of viruses and bacteria on porous surfaces (such as cloth) can be equally as long. I think the high-salt content (of Play-Doh) makes it very “unfriendly� for bacteria survival and probably viruses as well. Most pre-schools and daycares that I know of will reuse Play-Doh. Of course, sharing it with a germy child could be a great way to spread germs in an immediate sense.
• How do you know when kids are contagious?
Always consider a child to be contagious when they have a fever. Children may continue to shed respiratory viruses even after the fever is gone. Babies with respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) may shed the virus as long as 3 to 4 weeks. Sneezing, coughing and rhinorrhea (runny nose) are all symptoms that correlate with a person being a “spreader� of respiratory infection. Active nausea, vomiting and diarrhea correlate with risk of spreading a viral GI infection.
• Should children in the same family share a bath when one is sick?
I think generally this is OK once the fever is gone, and there is no diarrhea or vomiting. Most kids who are in the habit of sharing baths are going to be in close contact away from the bath too and will likely have already shared germs.
•* What can parents with children in daycare or preschool do to prevent illness?*
Find an institution that enforces a “stay-home-when-sick� policy. Make sure the institution follows guidelines for diaper changing, environmental cleaning and is smart in its choice of toys and furniture. Less crowding equals less germ sharing – if you can afford a place with a smaller “class� size, it might be worth it. Keep your own child at home when sick.
• Is the orange juice that advertises it will help protect your immunity system worth the extra money?
No.
• Can you hurt a child’s immune system by cleaning their hands with sanitizer a lot?
No. This question was probably prompted by hearing reports of increased bacterial resistance to anti-infectives used in antimicrobial soap. Antimicrobial soap used in the home/community doesn’t really have any advantage over plain soap in reducing illness transmission. But it’s very reasonable to use antimicrobial soap or alcohol gels when families are experiencing respiratory or GI infections or if there are medically fragile household members (newborns, immunosuppressed, etc).
• Do you need to change toothbrushes after every illness?
The most important thing about toothbrushes is that they are personal items, intended for a single user, and should not be shared. There’s no evidence that users re-contaminate themselves via their own toothbrushes. Toothbrushes should be rinsed in tap water after use and allowed to air dry.
• Do air purifiers really kill viruses and bacteria?
Not usually; they filter germs out of the air and trap them on the filter.
• Should we put them all over our homes?
No. They are a waste of money.
Permalink | Comments (16) | Categories: Health
Are ice skating, gymnastics, travel ball too intense for kids?
Would you let your kids play in super-competitive individual sports? What about the time-consuming traveling ball clubs?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We’ve been watching the Olympics at night and one of the ice skating announcers mentioned that many of the skaters on the Chinese team have only been home for a few weeks since they were 13 years old. We were shocked.
I don’t know of any parents who have shipped their kids off for that long, but we do know a man who was wrapped up in two very competitive sports as a child. As a young boy he had a private swimming coach and private batting coach. He was training for a possible Olympic spot and played on a very competitive travel ball team. The kicker to this story is he couldn’t do his times tables. His mother told us, “I guess we never practiced that.�
How do you know if a sports environment is too intense for your child? How do you balance sport commitments with school?
Permalink | Comments (12) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
IS the SI swimsuit issue OK for hubby? What about strip clubs?
How much skin from other women is OK for your husband to see? What about your kids?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Is the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, which hit newsstands yesterday, welcome in your home? What about the Victoria’s Secret catalog? What about strip clubs for bachelor parties? Where do you draw the line?
The SI swimsuit issue has been in our house before, and I’m sure it will be again. I’m not threatened by those skinny-Minnies, and I don’t think it qualifies as porn. (Although, hubbies can see many of the SI photos online so they don’t really have to bring it home anymore.)
Esquire magazines with half-naked bottoms prancing across the covers routinely can be found on our bathroom floor. I don’t really care if my husband sees that either – but I did worry for the first time the other day about the kids noticing it. I placed the issue up higher where the kids would be less likely to see it.
About 10 years ago when our friends were all getting married, the “boys� routinely went to strip clubs in Atlanta for bachelor parties. I would never encourage him to go, but I could live with it. However, I drew the line when they decided to go to a strip club just for the heck of it after a Falcon’s game one night.
Where is your line? What’s OK for your husband to see? What do you worry about the kids seeing?
Permalink | Comments (187) | Categories: Battles between Mom and Dad
You asked for it: Here are some nice things about my husband for a change
Do I still have to get him a Valentine's Day present?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
As my husband and I were preparing to celebrate our 14th dating anniversary last month, my 4-year-old was full of questions. “Why do you love Daddy? Why did you start dating Daddy? Why did you marry him?”
Her questions gave me pause.
After 12 years of marriage, it’s sometimes hard to remember why I fell in love with this guy who comes home late, criticizes my housekeeping and knows the rosters of every SEC football team but can’t identify his child’s preschool teacher.
Around the time we were preparing for our anniversary date, I ran into one of my parents’ neighbors. She said, “I read your column every week. One week, I would just like to read something nice about Michael.”
So for my daughter, my parents’ neighbor and for the readers who have suggested repeatedly that we seek marriage counseling or just get divorced, I offer the top reasons why I fell in love with my husband and why we stay together:
He is the funniest person I know.
He is the smartest person I know. (Sometimes I wish he wasn’t such a smart-aleck. When we first started dating I was snooping around his room and found his transcript. I was shocked by his grades and SAT score. I wasn’t used to dating guys smarter than me. )
He is a snappy dresser.
He has a full-head of hair. (Although he does use more hair product than me and spends more time primping than most women I know.)
He is the cleanest man I’ve ever met. Although his obsessive-compulsive cleaning of the house annoys me - his personal cleanliness is nice. He doesn’t even smell bad after a workout.
When we first started dating, he would clean the bathroom that he shared with two roommates any time I came over. Fourteen years later, he routinely removes hunks of hair out of the bathtub drain even though he never uses the tub.
He will spend 30 minutes recapping any movie or novel that is too sad, scary or boring for me to actually sit through. Go ahead, ask me about”Angela’s Ashes”, “The Shipping News” or “The Shining.”
He’s always wanted a large German shepherd, yet he let me take in a 15-pound Shih Tzu that I found last year. And every night at midnight, he walks my prissy little dog while I’m comfy in bed.
He’s always willing to play pretend with the kids, recently turning two dish towels into a top and skirt because my daughter asked him.
He has read “Horton Hatches the Egg” to the kids so much, he can re-enact the whole thing from memory.
He and my son have their own little testosterone-driven world of football, roughhousing and race cars that I just can’t replicate.
He makes a mean grilled-cheese sandwich.
He still looks good without his shirt, and his butt still looks good in a pair of jeans. (This is true, but I didn’t actually write this. I left this computer file open for awhile, and found this sentence when I returned.)
And finally:
- He takes a public flogging more cheerfully than any husband I know.
Why did you fall in love with your spouse? (Keep it clean people - or at least keep the innuendo somewhat innocent.)
Permalink | Comments (32) | Categories: Battles between Mom and Dad
Who controls the money in your house?
Do you pool your funds or keep them separate? Who’s in charge of the bills and budgeting?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Who pays the bills and balances the books for your family? Do you share a checking account or do you keep your money in separate accounts? Do you each get mad money? Do you have to consult each other for big purchases – how big?
I’m not great at math and was so relieved when I got married that I wouldn’t have to pay bills or balance my checkbook anymore. (Betty Friedan is rolling over in her grave!) But without actually writing the checks and seeing the money coming out of our joint account, I was spending way too much money! So less than a year into marriage I took back over the books.
For years, my husband has had direct deposit, and he never even sees his checks. I pay all the bills, balance the checkbook, and give him a state of the union every few months so he knows where we stand financially.
I know several couples that keep separate checking accounts, and it baffles me. I would be so worried about bouncing checks or thinking he was going to pay something that he didn’t.
Tell us how you handle the finances in your household.
Permalink | Comments (18) | Categories: Battles between Mom and Dad
What do you really want for Valentine’s Day?
Help your husband, and other's like him – just tell him what to buy or do for you!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
There are just six shopping days left until Valentine’s Day! Here’s your chance to tell your husband what your heart desires. You can send him the link after you post, or at the least your post may give other husbands some good ideas!
I told my husband NOT to order me flowers at an expensive florist. I told him to drop by the DeKalb Farmer’s Market on his way home from work on Monday (before it’s picked over!) and buy a bouquet there. (They always have beautiful flowers, and they are so reasonably priced!)
As for him, I’m planning to make chocolate martinis and chocolate-dipped strawberries after the kids go to bed. We’ll see what happens from there.
Please share with us what you would love to get from your husband, and also tell us what you plan to do for him. (Keep it clean people!)
Permalink | Comments (23) | Categories: What kind of Mom are you?
Do you spy on your teens online?
Have you visited their Web sites? Have you seen their photos on MySpace.com or Facebook?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Do you check out what your teens and twenty-somethings are publishing online? Is that a violation of their privacy? Do you know about MySpace.com and Facebook?
I recently learned about Facebook from my college-age babysitter. She said she and her friends post their photos and chat on it. It used to only be open to people with university e-mail addresses. It has recently added high school students to it, but you have to be invited to join.
Parents, you can get a college e-mail address from your alumni association and snoop around – not that I’m saying that’s right. MySpace.com is open to all ages, but is used frequently by high-schoolers to post photos and chat with their friends.
We recently discovered on Facebook photos of some relatives’ daughters who are now in college. One of the daughter’s photos seemed innocent enough. The other girl seemed like a partier, and the photos were a little more questionable. (You were left wondering what happened after the photo was taken.) We’re guessing her father doesn’t know the photos are there.
Is it right to check out what your teens and college-age kids are posting? Are you worried or at the very least curious? Have you poked around online? What have you found, and what did you do with the information?
Permalink | Comments (94) | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
Babies do make us (and rats) brighter
Moms correctly predict where their intelligence excels, fails
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have never been a math whiz, but can now convert milliliters to teaspoons in the middle of the night, keep a mental file of the correct doses of multiple medicines for two children and can instantaneously tell you the last time each pooped and what they ate days ago.
Have I gotten smarter? Well, I can definitely multi-task, prioritize and solve problems better. I remain relatively calm when a child is bleeding or choking, and can get work done despite an array of annoying noises.
However, I couldn’t spell milliliters in the first paragraph without looking it up and have driven around for days wondering why my “check engine” light is on while my open gas cap bounces furiously against my car. I find myself struggling to concentrate on a documentary on PBS or the History Channel. And sadly, I have only finished 60 pages of a book about how the Crusades have impacted Christians’ relationship with Muslims — I checked it out twice and even took it on vacation!
Last week, I asked the question online: “Does motherhood make women smarter?” My curiosity stemmed from an article in the January issue of “Scientific American,” which summarized more than 60 years worth of testing on the topic worldwide.
I was fascinated by the results and wanted to see how actual moms, and in some cases dads, evaluated their own intelligence, including: book smarts, memory, concentration, problem solving, multi-tasking and their ability to handle stress.
Amazingly, about 50 of you, speaking from your own experiences, predicted much of what the studies found. “Elaine” summarized what many moms wrote: “I can multi-task and physically accomplish 10 times more in a day, but a whole lot of the time I feel forgetful and ‘scatter-brained.’ I have trouble remembering names, and sometimes can’t recall a word in the middle of a sentence, which are things I never had problems with before. …”
In the blog I promised to share with you some of the conclusions from the “Scientific American” article. To actually comprehend and extrapolate information from this seven-page piece proved daunting. So after focusing mostly on the photos and graphics, here are some highlights that I gleaned (You can buy the entire article at www.sciam.com for $7.95):
The hormones that fluctuate during pregnancy, birth and lactation actually change your brain. They increase the size of neurons in some parts and create structural changes in other areas.
Some of the changes affect “building nests, grooming young, and protecting them from predators.” Other areas affect learning, memory, and responses to stress and fear.
Many of the studies were conducted on rats. They found that mother rats were better at navigating mazes and capturing prey than virgin rats.
The mother rats had enhanced spatial learning and memory which enabled them to find food more quickly. (It helps us find our runaway 2-year-olds in the children’s museum.) The mother rats also suffered less fear and anxiety when confronting challenges.
Oxytocin, a hormone that affects labor and lactation, improved memory and learning in rats. (I was surprised by this one — I guess we learn quickly what our baby’s ever changing needs are. And maybe our memory is good when it comes to our kids but not other things.)
Mother rats are very good at multitasking beating virgins at “simultaneously monitoring sights, sounds, odors, and other animals.”
A study of marmoset monkeys suggests that when both parents participate in caring for the baby, the dads receive some mental benefits as well.
So the next time your husband is having trouble with the Sunday crossword, tell him to go change a diaper.
Permalink | Comments (8) | Categories: General Frustrations of Motherhood
Which circus is worth your money?
Do you have a favorite circus? Is one experience better than another? Which circus gives you the most bang for your buck?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Three circuses are coming to Atlanta this month – the Big Apple Circus, the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, and the Universoul Circus. Do you have a favorite show? If so, why? What do you like about that particular experience? Which circus gives you the most for your money?
The last two years we’ve gone to the Ringling Bros. show, but I think this year we’re going to try the Big Apple Circus. One of the ladies in my playgroup loves it and says it’s more like an old-fashioned big top circus. (Do you have to pay to get into Stone Mountain if you have circus tickets? Our annual pass just expired.)
The first year we went to the Ringling Bros. show, we showed up early so our daughter could go onto the floor and see the animals and stars up close. That was our favorite part of the entire show. We could have left after that and been perfectly happy. Last year we showed up early expecting to do the same thing, but it was field-trip day for schools and they didn’t do it. We were so disappointed. So, show up early for the preshow if you can, but confirm that they are actually doing it that day!
Permalink | Comments (51) | Categories: Family Life
Did you breastfeed in public?
Were you willing to whip out your boob in a public place to take care of your baby? Did anyone ever give you a hard time?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A woman says she was told by the staff at a South Carolina Victoria’s Secret that she could not breastfeed her child in a dressing room. She was asked to use a restroom in a nearby store instead, reported the Associated Press. (I’m not clear if it was because they didn’t want her breastfeeding in the store or that she was using a dressing room they needed for other customers.) See the full story in the health section.
Did you nurse your baby in public? Did you ever get funny looks or hard time? How discreet were you? Should discretion matter?
I nursed both of my babies 18 months each, and you better believe I nursed them in public places – restaurants, in the pew at church, stores, museums, our local library. If my baby was hungry I was going to take care of him or her. I was very discreet. Most people had no clue it was even going on.
I also nursed in plenty of dressing rooms and never had any issues. Bathrooms stink (literally) to nurse in. Would you want to eat in the mall restroom?
I was lucky though because I knew from the Piedmont Hospital lactation specialist that Georgia had a “right-to-nurse” law on the books. Here it is: “The breast-feeding of a baby is an important and basic act of nurture which should be encouraged in the interests of maternal and child health. A mother may breastfeed her baby in any location where the mother and baby are otherwise authorized to be.”
I did worry when we traveled to Charleston or Orlando with our babies that I could get in trouble for nursing in public – I wasn’t sure what their laws were. (Apparently, it was wise to worry in South Carolina.)
Do you agree with the state of Georgia protecting a mother’s right to nurse where her baby is hungry? Should all states have this law?
Permalink | Comments (139) | Categories: Health
