These are true and wise words. We started trying (or should I say, stopped preventing)when I was 26, which I think is a perfect age. It took us 10 years and the talents of many medical professionals to get our twins. Those magic cut-off points seem a lot less valid when it’s your child you’re longing for, not some abstract baby.

A woman’s body resists conceiving after age 35 and more so each year. Ask your OB/GYN how many of these celebrity moms 45 and up likely conceived without help or even with their own eggs. Seeing them in the news gives women the hope that they can postpone having babies, but it is false hope, by and large. My advice is that you certainly wait until you are able to provide for children, have a safe home, health insurance, etc. But with the human body there are no guarantees. Don’t let time make the decision for you.

There’s never a “perfect” time to be a mom… we were waiting until we were financially “ready” to have our kids, and fate intervened. If we had kept putting it off until we reached whatever next point—buying a house, getting a promotion, whatever, we would have always found an excuse not to have them.

Go with your heart….

I thought it would be easier and more fun for me long-term to raise my family in my 20s and 30s and travel extensively after they’re out of the house, when we’ll have more money to do that.

Plus, my mom died when she was 46 (I was 21), so it really drove home the idea that we may or may not have the time we hope/want/pray to be able to spend with our children if we put it off.

My sister, a nurse, has decided that she doesn’t want to conceive children after she turns 35—not because she thinks she’ll feel too old/lack energy, but because her eggs will start deginerating at that point and the risk of birth defects isn’t worth it to her.

Having a child “late in life” kept my parents young in more ways than one. They were health conscious. They had to stay in tune with the younger generation. My dad worked until he was in his mid-70’s.

It was interesting to watch them and their friends. They all had children in the same age bracket…the baby boomers, but my parents had many more. The age span of their ten children ranged 22 years. My parents always seemed younger than their counterparts. However, the flip side to that was when all of their friends were taking vacations, etc., my parents still had young children and teenagers at home to worry about. They were still going to parent-teacher conferences, open house and soccer games. My dad was 70 when my sister graduated from high school. He was older than some of her friends’ grandparents.

Up until about five years ago, we tried to have another baby. Two of my really good friends had babies then, at 37 & 38. My one friend has two boys, now 3 & 5, who fall under the autism umbrella. She’s beyond stressed and exhausted all of the time. All of the preplanning could not have prepared them for what they face on a daily basis. I’m not saying that she has autistic children because she waited to have children. Now they’re planning for their retirement and long term care for their oldest child.

My other friend’s older child is autistic, too. She waited until he was 8 or 9 before she had another. She quit her job to be a SAHM with the second. She says having a toddler at 40 is a completely different ballgame than having one at 30.

Today, at 43, I would be totally freaked out if I became pregnant again, but would survive. I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to deal with the obnoxious teenage attiutude at 60?! I was a stay at home mom with our son. I enjoyed it. I was on the run everyday, and I’m not complaining. However, at this point, our lives are becoming our own again. I’ve got my own time, and I work part-time. Our son is in high school, and the week days and nights are busy with school activities and sports, but the weekends belong to us once again.

I do wish that my son had a sibling, but that’s life. You don’t always get what you want. He has 25 first cousins who he knows well, despite the miles that separate them. He’ll never be alone.

I know this is going to sound a bit harsh, but I don’t think I will ever understand women over 40 having kids. Most new moms over 40 that I have seen look like grandmothers with gray hair (or obviously colored hair), wrinkles and all. I saw one woman (who I discovered was about 45 years old) with a newborn baby that looked like her grandchild. I came very close to asking her if it was her grandchild until I heard her older, but still too young, child say “mommy.” My reaction was, “she’s old enough to be MY mother.”

Your energy level after 40 starts to go down and for those that think having kids over 40 will “keep them young,” they are just fooling themselves. Kids require a lot of your energy and attention. Those kids will just end up with a mother that’s tired all the time and end up sitting in front of the TV all day.

What about retirement and college? If you are 60+ years old when your child graduates from high school (the age of most high school seniors’ grandparents), how will you fund your retirement and their college education?

Having kids later in life also can lead to kids that are slow to develop, asthma risks increase, and not to mention birth defects. I say don’t risk it. I would stop right at age 35.

Of course, life taking its natural course could call me any day now even as young and healthy as I am. We just never know.

I am content with the 2 kids I have. I don’t have to produce a baseball team to be happy.

One area we focused on was cross-contamination. I absolutely can’t get over people who wash their hands and then turn off the spigots with their bare hands, or people who handle raw meat and then, without washing their hands, open a refrigerator door. My gosh, don’t people THINK?

Just this practice alone will cut down on how sick you and your kids are. My kids are teenagers and we rarely are sick.

I am also a big fan of the alcohol based sanitizing gels and I am glad to read the O.K. from the Good Doctor. My standing protocol, when I have a sniffling little one, is that they use tissues and hit the sanitizer after sneezing/coughing. Good luck so far in that my kids have been sick occasionally but I haven’t! My Wife has also had success in avoiding the various outbreaks, despite her insistence on closely cuddling & coddling when my 3-year-old comes down with the crud.

Little kids have their hands in their mouths a lot and can spread germs to others and infect themselves. Bigger kids may be chewing their fingernails, pencils, whatever, and not wash before and after eating at school.

No need to use anti-bacterial soaps, just use hot water and scrub up. When my kids were small I had them wash hands and face and brush their teeth when returning home. It worked, they got sick, but rarely.

I’m worried less about germs and more about household accidents. There was a special on the news recently about kids losing fingers by “helping” parents shred documents. Dangers lurk around every corner!

I think it’s up to you to help her with her insecurity and not bring that type of stuff into the house.<

Oh, come on. Is that the way married adults act? Any sensible spouse would want to do more than that—suggest that wife (or husband) get therapy to deal with why something so triflin’ makes them feel so worthless, for example. That kind of insecurity is never satisfied—the minute you give in on it, the victim will find something else to be upset about … or that you have to shield them from.

Learning to be a part of a team is crucial to a kids development I think.

Win or lose, its an important lesson as long as the parents don’t lose perspective.

For my youngest, he just does it because his friends do, and his brother. He doesn’t take it nearly as seriously, but when we ask him if he wants to do something else, he says no. He could take it or leave it, but I do think even with that attitude the sport has taught him some life lessons. We will not do travel ball, but sorry to say it’s more about the money. Sports sure have come too far in my mind from owning a bat, ball and glove and going to the park to have fun. I hate that it’s about the money, and the “best” bat and the “best” glove. Even in that situation, we provide the basics and they have to buy the extras.

One more thing - coaches make a huge difference, I want the coaches who use it for the life lessons, not the “winners”. Their attitude stinks and it’s not what I want for my kids.

I follow that lead. My children compete but they know it’s not everything to win. Enjoying what they’re competing in is.

I think I read somewhere at some point that the suicide level in China among children and teens was higher than anywhere else in the world. I could be wrong. I believe the article stated that the high demands in excellence in all areas including academics as well as sports, children could not cope. So, I am against high pressure sports, science fairs and the like when a child loses the enjoyment of the experience.

However, here is another story. I do know people who are way too wrapped up in competitive stuff for their kids, and it seems to me like it’s more for THEM than it is for the kids.

I am glad that my kids like to do certain sports, and if they are good at them, fine, and if they are not, FINE. I don’t push them to do anything and I don’t discourage them if they want to. There’s enough pressure in the world, my kids don’t need more of it from ME.

It just seems like there is this terrible underground teen life focused on negative nihilistic music and goth stuff. Its very alarming.

Any advice? I am thinking of having my son come back home.

He will not talk to me. Everything is “fine”.

Cathy

Is it worth it? Dunno. You could ask the same question of people who strive toward Broadway, the ballet, or the High Roller suite in Las Vegas.

It’s scary to watch some parents out there. It consumes them, it’s all they can talk about. You know you’ve registered your child in the wrong league when parents are talking professional baseball when the kid is in the 2nd grade…and can’t yet read, pack his own sport bag or tie his shoes, and is above packing up the team’s equipment with the rest of the players. Then you progress to middle & high school level sports and the parents are allowing one failed class. Huh?

Academics and homework always came first in our house. Our son played rec league baseball, spring and fall, thru elementary school. The real challenge emerged in middle school when he decided to play football. Time management was the issue. That practice schedule was grueling and time consuming. He learned to balance his responisbilities and prioritize, while maintaining his grades.

He’s in high school now, an honor student, and participates in school sports year round. No, he’s not a star athlete, but he knows what it means to be a team member, and knows the spirit of competition and good sportsmanship. He is aware that after high school, he needs those good grades to get into college.

A side note regarding the SI blog the other day. I made a mental note early in the day to discuss the magazine photos with our son. Obviously, it had been on my mind when my husband inquired about our date for tonight. You can imagine my husband’s bewilderment when he asked me if I was interested in going to a tapas (he pronounced it toppas) lounge. I misunderstood him, and answered in the negative, adding that I did not understand why he would ask me to go to a topless bar to eat?! Our 15 year old was doubled over in laughter as I had already had the conversation with him at that point!

Saying that men and women are hardwired differently is true also. But each person is responsible for his or her own behavior. Being hardwired a certain way doesn’t negate the fact that God gave us each a brain and a knowledge of right and wrong. Being hardwired differently wouldn’t excuse something as serious as adultery, for instance.

I think that if men like looking at magazines like that, I don’t really have much of a problem with it myself. But in the event that one of your wives does have a problem with it, (even if her problem is that she’s insecure), then I think it’s up to you to help her with her insecurity and not bring that type of stuff into the house. It doesn’t matter WHY she feels the way she does, the fact is that she DOES feel that way.

And I think that women should do the same thing for their husbands. If he has an insecurity about something, (and plenty of men DO have insecurities) then it’s up to the wife to help make him more secure, not belittle him or make his feelings less valid because she doesn’t agree with them.

I think we are hard wired differently too, and we can’t control that. But we can control our behavior.

Are people really that boring if left to their own devices, or is that just another excuse for going to one of those sleaze pits?

Personally, I don’t care about the Swimsuit Issue, and I don’t really care about strip clubs or porn. Yes, I do consider myself a normal guy. I have had many copies of the SS issue in the past. I was also an adolescent. I’ve been to strip clubs, none of which were all that impressive. I’ve watched porn. Why would I prefer to watch others have sex when I would prefer to take part (with my significant other of course!!!)? I even have a subscription to Maxim (a popular men’s mag). As much as I enjoy the material aside from the pictorals, I plan to let it expire (if it hasn’t already) simply because it doesn’t matter to me.

Does this mean that I view women as pieces of meat? Only if I were a cannibal, but I’m not one, so no. I believe that women are very beautiful creatures, obviously on the outside, but especially on the inside. Unfortunatly, ladies, there is absolutely no way around men looking at you on a physical level (unless you plan to dress like Randy from “A Christmas Story”). If we are only able to look, but we can’t speak (and I do mean an actual conversation, not just “hi”), then all we have to go on is what we see. Add on top of that a particular ability that God gave us - a vivid imagination, which does not require the use of magazines, strip clubs or porn in order to be used - and our minds wonder. It’s just the nature of the beast. Sorry!

Does the nature of the beast condone lust and infidelity? I would definitely have to say no. But that obviously applies to those in relationships. I think that is the main reason why I don’t care about those things anymore. I’m deeply in love with my fiance, and I don’t need anything more, so why bother. I think we are both satisfied with the way things are in our relationship. If you feel that you need to view material as such what has been discussed today, then maybe you need to re-evaluate where you stand in your relationship. It would definitely seem as if something is lacking. If it is something mutual between you and your partner, have fun, but definitely make sure that you are both on the same page.

For all you single men out there: don’t be stupid. The women you see in the mags, at the clubs and in the movies only do it because they either enjoy it or because they need the money. It does not mean that they want to be thought of any less than that. If you want to be respected, respect them.

To all you single women out there: men are visual creatures. If you want to be seen for more than what you look like, try not to show as much what you are, but more of who you are. And no, we are not impressed if your shirt says “My boyfriend thinks he was my first.” or anything remotely similar. You’re only hurting yourself.

It’s a magazine people. It’s been around for years. Anyone that is so self loathing that they feel insecure about a picture in a magazine needs therapy.

Get it? Got it? Goooooood!

Part of being a man means that you stop being a hormonally driven teenager, and you start leading in the care of your children and your wife. Now, she may accept your bringing SI or some other publication into the house, but your decision to do so has its own consequences. Like it or not, if you bring that magazine into your home, you’ve rationalized the purchase in some way that you still love your spouse, but you want to admire younger women in nearly nude form. In that case, you’ve either hurt your spouse on some subtle level, or, if she’s OK with it, you’ve established an impression of yourself in her eyes as a male who lacks control over his biological urges. If you have children, just imagine what happens if they ever discover your stash. If you have a daughter, then she sees that this is something to aspire to. If you have a son, he’ll see women as body parts.

Being a husband means caring about people beyond yourself. Don’t pretend that SI is about anything other than yourself.

My wife and I have gone to a strip club together, and she has actually been (prior to our marriage) to more strip clubs than I have. I think the basic rule of going with your wife is do not get a lap dance with her there. The bumping and grinding can have some, er, uplifting effects. That gets the green eyed monster fired up quick. When going with the guys I make sure to mention the pathetic or unappealing dancers versus the hot ones. Mention the bad augmentation job, stretch marks, etc. My wife still makes me do this move I saw a dancer do because it makes her crack up so hard.

that’s a pretty brash statement/response to a valid question that janice posted. regular bars and clubs play up-to-the-minute music and you can still get away from the women in your life that won’t shut up. the main reason for going to a strip club is well, to see the “strip”. it’s like saying that you’re going to the strip club not for the girls, but for that fantastic 10oz sirloin meal that only costs $6.95. no you’re not, idiot, no one goes to a strip club for the food, just like no one goes to the strip club for the music. how retarded.

regarding the original message… nothing hardcore is visibly allowed in our house. playboys, victoria’s secret, SI are welcomed (by both of us!), because as others have stated, it’s merely flesh and clothing that you would see at the beach and on most pop TV anyways.

strip clubs are allowed for bachelor parties only - with the exception that if we both want to go with each other, then of course it’s allowed. there is no good reason for my husband and father of my child to be going to a strip club “just for fun”, unless it’s with me.

I don’t want to be your equal — you’re a pig.

I’m all for Boys Night Out — at a pool hall, neighborhood bar, or sometimes I even sponsor them in my own living room: I cook and provide snacks, then retreat to my room to watch TV.

i asked in another blog what is the difference between an bikini and underwear (bra and panties)?

another thought….just cause a person goes to a strip joint and sees naked women, it doesn’t mean that they are sexually aroused. some go to relax, have a beer, listen to the dj(strip joints get alot of first run music) and to get away from the women in their lives that don’t know when to shut up.

as far as the si issue goes, jcpenny, fingerhut, sears and all other books have women prancing around in their underwear. big deal.

Was that really necessary? Why the heck doesn’t AJC have an idiot filter?

I’ve gained about 50 lbs since our daughter was born. My husband loves me and makes me feel desirable in spite of it. (He’s about 20 lbs lighter than I am and is a hottie!)Get this… sometimes we enjoy a little porn to help “kick start” our evening. (I can hear the “gasps” of disgust now!) I have “toys” that we play with. (Horrors!) Sorry, but I see nothing wrong with admitting to it. Those of you out there who don’t think your neighbors enjoy the same are living in a fantasy world…a fantasy world that’s not very fun at that! If the porn actresses and actors are there voluntarily then to each his/her own. Do I feel it would be appropriate for my 13 yo daughter to watch? Obviously not. But when she’s in her 20’s and in a healthy relationship I would not have a problem with it.

I agree that the Lindsay Lohans and the Nicole Richies of this world are where our girls are getting their body image issues from. My husband hugs and kisses me and is very affectionate to me. We hold hands while walking thru the mall. My daughter sees this and while it may “gross her out” now, my hope is that it will help to show her that you don’t have to be a size “0” to have a man think you’re attractive.

A dad blog is something I’d like to see on the AJC and I don’t know why they don’t have one, unless they just don’t have someone to write it. (Not sure what the “qualifications” would be for doing a blog for the AJC, but it seems to me that if you are a dad and literate, you’re qualified.)

I take offense because my husband vowed to me on our wedding day (and even casually in conversations prior to that) that he would be faithful. If you’re looking at an image and fantasizing about that image in your head, or you’re in a strip club with a stranger’s chest in your face, you ARE committing adultery in your mind and in your heart. That’s my issue.

And ladies, I have many many many male friends who have had sex in strip clubs. So for those of you who are just turning a blind eye, you really should think twice.

The fact that you think you have some RIGHT as a man to participate in that sort of lewd activity unquestioned and unchecked — is really ridiculous.

I think the blog should be about this topic tomorrow.