In observance of Mother's Day, Gwinnett Opinions asked local readers who are part of our online Voice of Gwinnett panel if they have begun to sound like, look like or act like Dear Old Mom. Here are responses:

It used to drive me crazy when I would go shopping with my mom and she decided to buy something. Why would that be bothersome, you ask?

Well, let's say we were going to buy a box of blocks for a gift for somebody. Now imagine having to look at all the boxes of blocks on the shelf.

I would say, "Mom, they are all the same. Just pick one!" She would carefully look at every box to make sure she got the very best one. ... it would take at least 15 minutes to inspect each one top to bottom to find the best box and make sure there were no "blemishes." It drove me crazy!

You know what? I now do the same exact thing (it seems to make perfect sense), and now I can drive my husband and children crazy while out shopping.

I also always think of my mom with a smile while I do it, which is nice.

STACIA BLUHM, Lawrenceville

I would say the minute you become a mother yourself, for the first time you understand why your mother was such a worrywart and why she tried so hard to protect you.

As soon as your children are old enough to start needing "guidance," you do find yourself saying those very same phrases your mother said to you, and they sound so brilliant now!

"Because I said so" is the first such phrase that comes to mind and the one I have wanted to use the most over the years, and it was the very phrase that made me the most frustrated as a child to hear from my mom.

The hardest thing about being a mother is not being able to protect your children from the world and from themselves. They have to go and make their mistakes and hopefully become better people as a result.

Without a doubt, the thing my mother told me that rings the most true now is "I did the best I could at the time."

That is really all any of us can ask for from our parents. I try every day to be the very best mother I can be, just as my mother did for me.

Thanks, Mom!

KATHLEEN MAGBEE BROWN, Loganville

When I was in high school, my then-boyfriend gave me Prince's first album as a birthday gift. It was a beautiful picture of Prince's face on the front and a picture of Prince riding naked on a winged horse on the back.

Everyone had gone out and bought this album, and I was beyond thrilled!

Well, that thrill was short-lived when I went to school one day and came home and my mom informed me that she not only had seen the album cover but listened to the album and threw it away!

I was SHOCKED, to say the least. It was the ultimate blow to my heart. I cried, I checked the trash and cried some more. I thought she was the meanest mother on earth.

Lo and behold, now I have children, and I monitor their music, the music I play in my house and the music I play in my car when I'm driving with my children in the car. I forward-wind movies that have lovemaking scenes in them when I'm watching with my children, and they all say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am" to me when they answer.

How did this happen?!

STEPHANIE TUCKER, Norcross

Of course!

As a parent —- more importantly, as a concerned parent, just as she was when I was a child —- I have great concerns regarding what, who, how, etc., my kids live their lives, spend their time and prepare for their future.

I see clearly what I thought then was a crazy, "meddling ol' lady" who had no clue whatsoever in what she was talking about.

"What goes around, comes around;" "You don't miss your water 'till the well runs dry;" "Boy, you better straighten up and fly right!" —- these are just a few of my all-time favorites.

And as the saying goes, "If I knew back then what I know now..."

Thank you, Mom, for being there, and being you —- in spite of me!

RICK ROWE, Snellville

My children tell me constantly, "You sound just like Nana," and I'm certain they're right.

That's a compliment as far as I'm concerned. After all, she too was a single mother who raised three great kids by herself.

When it comes to raising my own, I find myself drawing on my memories of growing up. I recently picked up the phone to ask her what she used to do to motivate a lazy teenager. Although she said she couldn't remember all the ways that she tried, she does remember enough to be glad she doesn't have to do it again! (So I guess sending him to stay with her is out of the question, huh?)

To this day, a favorite meal of my three grown kids is one that I grew up eating at least one day a week. Mom's meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and creamed peas and carrots was definitely a staple meal. When money was tight, there was "S.O.S." ($#!@ on a Shingle), which I loved, and "goulash" (some mishmash of a bunch of different stuff all mixed into a pot. I still don't know what all she put in it, but I ate it up like it was my last supper).

What can I say? I look like her, I sound like her, I cook like her, and I'm trying to be wise like her. We're basically twins, 27 years apart.

My mother is the best. I am so thankful I have her.

Thanks, Mom, for everything and a very, very Happy Mother's Day.

LAURIE SMITH, Lilburn

Am I becoming my mother?

She was the product of a German immigrant family. My parents did not have two cents to rub together when I was growing up, but my father always said of my mother that she could make a dollar out of a dime.

Not only was she an elementary school teacher, but she sewed all of my dresses for school (yes, we wore dresses every day), was a fine cook, and I can even remember a time when she washed clothes in the bathtub! And oh, yes, she could tat (make lace) and do fine crochet.

Do I dispense her wisdom? I try. I recently passed on to my daughter, who is trying to diet, what my mother said. You don't need special diets. Simply eat when you are hungry, walk each day a little beyond what you are used to, and "eat a little bit of everything."

Apparently, at least in her day, there was a certain amount of portion control.

And oh, yes. Another piece of her advice: Always make your bed and wear nice undies; you never know when there will be an emergency, such as a auto accident.

The most important thing I have passed on to my daughter from my mother was the importance of education.

Am I becoming my mother? I don't start to compare with her, but I sure wish I could!

THELMA HEYWOOD, Duluth

I only hope I become my mother!

I lost my mother to breast cancer when I was 22 years old. So she obviously never met my husband or her grandchildren, but I still learn from her example every day.

About 10 years ago, as Mother's Day was approaching and I was dealing with all the frustrations and joys of being a mom with three little boys, I wrote this poem as a tribute to her.

Now my oldest son is graduating from high school, and I thank God for the influence my mother's character had on this grandchild she never knew.

A Tribute to My Mother

Now I Understand

There isn't a day I don't think of you, Mother

As I'm doing "this or that" for another.

I see little faces; I hear little voices;

So many challenges ... so many choices.

Curious questions ... mischievous hands ...

So little time and so many demands.

Oh, please understand that I'm not complaining!

In fact it's with gratitude, I'm ascertaining

How much you've given to me through the years ...

How selfless your love, and how precious your tears!

God Himself only knows how much a mom cares,

How deep the concern, how heartfelt the prayers!

I'm not sure that, but for my own motherhood,

I'd ever truly have understood

The frustration, the joy, the pain, and the pleasure ...

The total commitment, the privilege, the treasure!

I can't quite fathom a sufficient expression

Of thankfulness ... but I have a confession:

There are times I sense in myself deep inside

A nagging, persistent desire to confide

In someone whose image first seems unclear ...

Yet I find myself wanting so much to be near!

She'd understand my secret pride ...

This privileged position I cherish inside.

So I sense more than ever the bond that is ours

As I "mother" away the days and the hours.

My Mother's Day gift? I'd be proud to be

Just half of the mother that you've been to me!

KATHY STAHLMAN HILDEBRAND, Snellville

Every Mother's Day since my mother's death I have the same sense of relief.

I'm glad she's gone.

Maybe you won't have this kind of letter from others. I certainly hope not.

If this letter helps mothers to understand how much damage they can do to their children, then maybe it will have served a purpose.

Why my own mother had four children I never could discover, but I do know that she put an enormous amount of time and attention into making each of us dislike the others. And dislike my father. And her. And ourselves.

There was never any harmony in our home. Although I can't remember ever being spanked or hit as punishment, she knew exactly what to say to keep each of us disciplined. The comments and remarks were generally about some fault of ours. She had the uncanny ability to criticize us about our most sensitive characteristic.

I could never be proud of myself for anything I had done or achieved because she would always point out what I could have done differently and better. My clothes, makeup, friends and later my ability to earn a living were never quite up to her standards.

The fact that I achieved every goal I set out to attain was never acknowledged. In our private high school, I was on the honor roll, a class officer and a cheerleader. It was never good enough. Never exactly right.

I was accepted by the college of my choice but had to drop out after a very bad accident. I had been electrocuted and the effort to pull me off the electrical current tore the top of my left hand off. I clearly remember her sitting by my hospital bed lamenting the damage to my "beautiful hand." That statement was a revelation to me. Before she uttered those memorable words, I had never heard anything flattering about the way I looked.

Of course at the time, I was just grateful to be alive. Strange that she didn't see it that way. Only that my hand had been ruined.

I decided to marry early just to escape her home, and it was the beginning of a string of very unhappy marriages. I never learned how to choose a mate or build a family. I lacked important role models in my life, and this hampered my personal growth.

When she died, my brother and two sisters gathered in Florida for her funeral. We were all in our 40s and 50s. We had seen her as little as possible over the last few years before her death, but she always found a way to torment us long distance through her dreaded phone calls. When we carried her ashes into her apartment building for a final gathering, I remember that my brother and I just looked at each other with a sigh of relief and he said, "Well, she is gone now. She can't bother us anymore." That's a very sad commentary on a mother's life.

If I could give any advice to a woman who is thinking about becoming a mother, I would ask them to consider it a privilege and a special duty to raise their children so that they can take their place in society, find their path to happiness, learn to manage their time and money and establish their own family.

A mother's goal should be to show her children a successful way of living and coping with daily ups and downs, by association with the friends and neighbors she surrounds them with and by her own example.

And most of all, a mother's role should be to help her children discover what is unique and special about themselves, to appreciate their talents and skills, and to learn to enjoy their own company and the company of others their age.

I hope I have not become my mother. I hope I have been a better mother and a better person. Time will tell, I guess.

MARIA I. HODGES, Lawrenceville

My mom passed away almost 30 years ago. I was only 18 years old. She was very ahead of her time with a wisdom that helped me learn to be strong like her. She was a hard-working woman who had a lot of pride.

Mom worked as a cashier in a movie theater for nine years to help support my brother and me. My dad passed when I was 7 years old, so it was only her income and my sister's. Then my sister passed away when I was 14, so we struggled even more financially.

She had so much sorrow in her life but used it as a tool to teach me how to deal with whatever would come into my life, good or bad.

I take after her in her build and her dry sense of humor. I say things to my children that she use to say to me. I have picked up the best of all the good she had in her. She helped me be the mother I am today, and a survivor. I have had my own struggles as a breast cancer survivor and in other situations I have conquered in my life.

I miss her always and wish she could be here to see my children. I know she is in heaven looking down at me, laughing and saying "I told you these things would happen when you have children, Connie!"

CONNIE LOWE, Lilburn

When I was younger, my mom was the disciplinarian, and my father was perceived as the "nice" parent since he rarely raised his voice at me.

As I grew older and had children of my own, I realized more and more, my mom was really the stronger one, and the one I grew to respect more as a parent. Because when you're a mom, you realize that there are endless days and nights when you pray for your children and unnoticed hours of worrying, cleaning, cooking and going without, just so they can have. There are things you'd never tolerate from anyone else but your own children, because you love them and because you see their potential, even when they don't see it themselves.

My mom predominantly set the moral code of standards in my home [growing up]. I followed by her example, from what I heard and what I saw. She was so generous and giving, and because of that I find I'm acting the same way. But she deserves the credit, not me. I'm merely imitating what I saw constantly in our home.

My mom is so smart and full of wisdom about so many things. Her advice now seems so profound and brilliant. Her comments and opinions are much more important to me now more than ever.

Believe it or not, it's actually a compliment to me when someone says I act more and more like my mother.

KIM MATHEUS

Lawrenceville

I am not sure if I am becoming my mother or not —- but it has come to pass that her arguments and reasoning make a lot more sense now then they did when I was a kid.

And, yes, I did use them on my children.

Since all kids are different, I have found that the advice I gave one might not be exactly the same I gave the other. It might be similar advice, but the application or the way I passed it on might be different.

On the other hand, my mother was the wife of a Marine, and I also was a Marine.

So what was the source of all this sage advice?

I would like to believe this wisdom was distilled through many generations of mothers, with a little spice from the common sense taught in the military. It seems that almost every generation of mothers has had that exposure to the military way of thinking, except the generation after the Vietnam War. Hmm, maybe there is a connection.

JAMES F. VAN VALKENBURG

Snellville

I am my mother. The older I get, the more I hear myself saying things that she said and doing things that she did.

Mama was very frugal, and with the economy the was it is today, I am thankful for her example.

As I get older and arthritis is taking away some of my mobility, I am even using her old cane.

There is a plaque hanging on the wall in my great room that says: "Oh Lord, I'm beginning to sound like Mama!"

Yea, I'm there.

DOROTHY CUNNIFF

Buford

Voice of Gwinnett is an online panel of readers who volunteer to answer questions on local issues. Although it reflects the opinions of many in Gwinnett, Voice of Gwinnett is not considered scientific because the sample is not random. Surveys are instituted and analyzed by Marketing Workshop Inc. in Norcross. To sign up for Voice of Gwinnett/Voice of Atlanta, register as a user of ajc.com and go to the "Member Center" on ajc.com's home page. Check the box beside "Voice of Atlanta, " which is listed under "Other Editions."

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