Evening Edge

"Waiting for Domino"

A play in one act (with apologies to Samuel Beckett)

Domino's Pizza (ENLARGE)

If you order online from Domino's, you can track your pizza's progress.

What's for Dinner? Atlanta food delivery near you, including Domino's Atlanta takeout John Kessler writes food features and a column about food and more for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution E-mail John Kessler Recent Kessler columns Your fool-proof checklist for Thanksgiving  Hours of low-temperature cooking yield tender, juicy meat  Different things to sample on my new dining menu         More John Kessler Related: John Kessler's blog: Food & More John Kessler's recipes Meridith Ford Goldman's Table Talk Jeanne Besser's Feeding Frenzy Evening Edge Atlanta Restaurant reviews and search Recipes from Atlanta restaurants Favorite Atlanta recipes

The scene: A desk. A chair. A computer. Estragon sits on the floor, trying to remove his boot. Enter Vladimir, who takes the chair and begins pecking computer buttons.

Estragon: (sighing) Nothing to be done.

Vladimir: I'm beginning to come round to that opinion. So there you are again.

Estragon: Am I? Let's go.

Vladimir: We can't.

Estragon: Why not?

Vladimir: We're waiting for Domino.

Estragon: (despairingly) Ah! (Pause.) You sure it will come?

Vladimir: In 30 minutes or less.

Estragon: That is the promise.

Vladimir: That is the promise. Except here on the tracker (motioning to the computer screen) it says the pizza will come in 28-38 minutes.

Estragon: The tracker?

Vladimir: The tracker! Yes! See here on www.dominos.com, we can follow our pizza's progress — from preparation, to baking, to boxing, to delivery. It is brilliant! We are waiting for Domino, yet we know with certainty where it is!

Estragon: (Distrustful, he hobbles forth in his too-small boots to look at the computer over Vladimir's shoulder.) It says here, "Mohamed began custom-making your order at 7:36." Custom-making is fine, but what if it doesn't come?

Vladimir: Then we'll return tomorrow.

Estragon: To the same place?

Vladimir: Well, yes, it is our delivery address.

Estragon: But I'm hungry now. I can't wait 28-38 minutes.

Vladimir: Do you want a carrot? (He reaches into his pocket and withdraws a carrot, which Estragon grabs and begins eating greedily.) How's the carrot?

Estragon: It's a carrot.

Vladimir: But look. It says, "Mohamed put your order in the oven at 7:41." O happy day!

Estragon: But it is not certain it will come?

Vladimir: While nothing is certain, this is about as certain as anything in life gets. See here? It now says, "Our delivery expert, Yapo, left the store with your order at 7:47."

Estragon: So the pizza is on the road?

Vladimir: Apparently so.

Estragon: And it should arrive presently.

Vladimir: One would assume.

Estragon: But we could depart. We could go pick it up.

Vladimir: Yes, we could. (Neither man moves for 22 minutes. Yapo enters stage left holding a corrugated cardboard box.) Are you Yapo?

Yapo: (Smiling.) Yes I am, and I have your pizza. A large Brooklyn style with bacon, onions and mushrooms. (Vladimir and Estragon take the pizza and begin devouring it. Yapo exits stage right.)

Vladimir: (Talking through a full mouth.) Look! Now the tracker says, "You got it — We hope you're enjoying your meal!"

Estragon: (Suddenly cheerful, stuffing food into his mouth.) We are! It felt like an eternity — a hopeless eternity, with only the stark emptiness of cyberspace for company — as we waited for this pizza. But you know what?

Vladimir: What?

Estragon: It was only 33 minutes.