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April 2007
REEEEEGE Returns!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Lose a cranky morning show host one day. Gain a cranky talk show host the next day.
Regis Philbin just made his triumphant return to “Live with Regis & Kelly,” six weeks “and one day” (as he repeatedly pointed out) after undergoing heart bypass surgery, and 22 hours after news broke that Rosie O’Donnell was quitting “The View.” And if anyone feared that Regis’s surgery would make him too, well heartfelt, he immediately put their minds at ease.
Walking arm-in-arm with co-host Kelly Ripa into the balloons and streamer-festooned studio, Philbin gave the on-its-feet audience his patented old man’s crabby “You kids get off my lawn” dismissive wave: “Yes, all right, Regis is here,” he said several times, a little later adding, “Leave me alone!”
Right off the bat, his first joke picked up on his constant theme of how underappreciated he is. Saying that the newspapers were all obsessing over his return, he held up a couple of New York tabloids with — who else? — Rosie splashed all over their front pages. He got in jabs at fellow patients who came out of their own rooms whenever they heard he was walking the hospital halls — “‘How are you feeling, Regis,’” he mimicked them. “I’m dying, how do you think I feel!” — and at his perennial whipping boy, “Live” executive producer Michael Gelman. Informed by Ripa that there was an unbelievable special surprise upcoming, Philbin sighed heavily, “Knowing Gelman, it’ll be coffee and a piece of cake for all of us.”
(We interrupt this blog to bring you a breaking news report. Some 20-plus minutes into the show, WSB-TV interrupted “Live” with the breaking news that three current or former Atlanta police officers had been indicted in connection with the fatal shooting of 92-year-old Kathryn Johnston. You’ve got to admire this commitment to actual news in the Age of Anna Nicole TV, but you also couldn’t help thinking that if anyone’s triumphant return was going to be interrupted, of course it would be Regis’s.)
OK, back to our regularly schedule blog. The show was full of big moments starting with the very first guest: David Letterman, who can barely stand to do his own TV show, let alone anyone else’s. He was simply returning a favor. Regis was Letterman’s first guest when the late-night host returned from his own bypass surgery seven years ago, and after some heartfelt best wishes, he offered Philbin this recovery tip: “Stay away from ‘The View,’ cuz they’re dropping like flies.”
We learned a few other things about Reege’s operation and recovery: He reluctantly had 24-hour security in the hospital (“People are sicker than I am there. Who’s going to come in and bother me?”); he finally started watching “American Idol” and Sanjaya was his favorite (coming back from one commercial break, Sanajay appeared on the Times Square jumbotron with a “Welcome back, Regis” message); among the celebs he got gifts from were Renee Zellwegger, Ringo Starr and Halle Berry, who sent him a bathrobe.
Throughout the show, Ripa kept teasing an amazing unexpected surprise. Part of the Serf (the wicked part) desperately hoped Kathie Lee would come walking onstage, still nattering on about Cody and Cassidy as if she’d never left. But the nicer part of me realized that that would probably be so terrifying, Regis would collapse onstage clutching his heart.
The surprise turned out to be an all-male dance troupe, “The Dancing Regi.” They were no great shakes. But really, what could compare to just seeing Philbin back where he belonged, in his chair, complaining and namedropping (he’s been giving advice to Joe Torre on the Yankees woes)? While everyone’s talking about what Rosie will do next and who might replace her, it occurred to me that Thursday’s show proved that Regis really is the irreplaceable one. He’s actually a treasure. A cranky old treasure.
Dang, where’d a heartfelt thought like that come from … ?
Ring Around the (Departing) Rosie
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Rosie, we hardly knew ye.
Uh, right! What DIDN’T we know and learn about Rosie O’Donnell in the eight months (good grief, has it really only been that long?) since she took over (literally, some say) as co-host of “The View”:
She doesn’t like Donald Trump. She likes to do arts and crafts. She has verrrrry strong feelings about the President of the United States and the Iraq War. And she loves not backing down from a fight.
Or does she? Now here’s something else we just learned: She’s quitting.
O’Donnell will leave “The View” at the end of her contract, sometime in mid-June, ABCNEWS.com just confirmed. They oughta know. “The View” airs on ABC stations and the show was invented by ABC News legend Barbara Walters, long the best known member of the chattering team around the table most mornings.
In fact, though, O’Donnell’s outsized personality and statements had overshadowed Walters almost from the moment the onetime standup comedienne took over for Meredith Vieira last September. Only a few months after an unflattering dustup involving Walters’ role in the leavetaking of Star Jones Reynolds, Walters found herself back in a harsh spotlight as she tried to referee the war of words between O’Donnell and Trump.
But Walters says the parting is completely amicable. In a statement just released Walters said “The View” couldn’t come to terms with O’Donnell on extending her contract, adding, “I induced Rosie to come back to television on ‘The View’ even for just one years. She has given the program new vigor, new excitement and wonderful hours of television. I can only be grateful to her for this year. I am very sad that ABC Daytime could not recach an agreement with her for a second year.”
Said O’Donnell, who saw “The View’s” ratings skyrocket since she joined the table: “This has been an amazing experience, and one I wouldn’t have traded for the world. Working with Barbara, Joy and Elizabeth has been one of the highlights of my career, but my needs for the future just didn’t dovetail with what ABC was able to offer me.”
O’Donnell didn’t say what she’ll do next, but rumors have circulated about everything from her headlining another daytime talk show to replacing Bob Barker on “The Price Is Right.” Meanwhile, with “The View” still looking for someone to replace Reynolds, there was no word on who’ll take O’Donnell’s place at the table. Hmm, what about Trump? Nope, he’s the wrong gender. And compared to Rosie, he’s too shy.
Did Heather Get Yoko-ed?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Somewhere, Paul McCartney is smiling.
His soon-to-be ex missus, Heather Mills, got bounced from “Dancing with the Stars” Tuesday night — but not before she pulled a pre-written farewell speech from out of her cleavage and, among other things, suggested viewers give up eating meat on Mondays.
John Ratzenberger probably deserved to get the boot before her, but Mills didn’t seem all that upset. Let’s just say she seemed ready to go — her facial expression when one of the judges said something critical about her dancing Monday night didn’t suggest unhappiness so much as an “I’m kinda over this”-ness. Maybe viewers picked up on that and decided not to vote for the plucky woman with the prosthetic leg anymore.
Or could it be something else? Before the competition started, this blog was full of comments from impassioned Beatles fans/McCartney defenders, who seemed offended that Mills was a “Dancing” contestant. More than one invoked the name “Yoko” in suggesting they’d never vote for her. Maybe they finally made good on that threat this week, but I have to say, my opinion of Mills went way up after witnessing her seemingly genuine good humor week after week. So while we won’t have “Strawberry Fields Forever” with her, at least we’ll always have the memory of her doing a back walkover in the middle of a dance routine.
Dancing with “NORM!”
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
“Norm!”
In case you’ve been wondering what George Wendt’s been up to all those years since “Cheers” went off the air, Monday night provided the answer: Pretty much nothing. Why else would he have been in the studio audience at “Dancing with the Stars”?
What’s that? Wendt (aka Norm Peterson) was there to cheer on this good friend John “Cliff Clavin” Ratzenberg? Maybe so, but pardon me for being a mite suspicious when a semi-famous type shows up to get some fleeting face time on ABC’s popular prime time show. Do we really think George Lopez wanted to watch Billy Ray Cyrus do the “Bubba Chicken” (Mr. Achy Breaky Heart’s description of his particular jive dancing technique) in person, or was he sitting front row center (literally) so host Tom Bergeron could haul him to his feet to promote a special one-hour edition of “The George Lopez Show” airing on ABC tonight?
I think it’s pretty obvious that the dancing has come down to a two-person race between Apolo Anton Ohno and Laila Ali (with Joey Fatone having an outside chance); so rather than comment on that competition, let’s handicap the other battle that went on among non-dancing stars (and I’m using the term loosely) to score valuable p.r. points Monday night.
1) The gold medal goes to Gabrielle Carteris, who lustily booed judge Len Goodman’s harsh comments about Ian Ziering’s dancing. Carteris played Andrea Zuckerman on “Beverly Hills 90210,” where the only member of the supposed high school age cast who looked older and more out of place than her was Ziering. “Dancing” has done wonders for both of them if for no other reason than it reminded us they’re still alive.
2) Silver to Leeeezzzza Gibbons, who was bounced from the show a couple of weeks ago and just keeps showing up anyway. Monday night, she plopped herself down right next to Ohno’s dad, perhaps to catch some of the reflected frontrunner glory. Hey, she didn’t spend all those years sharing cameratime with movie stars as an Entertainment Tonight co-host for nothing.
3) The Budweiser bottle-hued bronze goes to Wendt. He had that “I’d so rather be drinking a beer” look on his face, which reminded us all over again how great he and “Cheers” were. Unfortunately it also reminded us how long it’s been since he’s done anything similarly great.
4) Jerry Springer. In a taped bit where he supposedly taught Fatone how to be “a better man” onstage, he…TOOK….OFF…HIS …. SHIRT! Argh, my eyes, my eyes! The only reason he’s not in fifth place is because there was no fifth place.
In fact, Monday’s celeb sightings were disappointing in the sense that there was no inexplicably-out-of-left-field appearance by the likes of Florence Henderson. After the camera kept cutting to the now septugenarian “Mrs. Brady” in the audience a week ago, many people called and e-mailed the Serf to ask why, WHY, she was there. I still have no good explanation for it, although I briefly started the rumor that she was dating snarky old British judge Goodman. More likely, she’s working to get Alice the maid a “Dancing” slot next time around.
As we get down to the final six, I’m seriously hoping the guest star quotient will go way up. My dream final has nothing to do with who’s dancing onstage, but rather who’s in the audience: How great would it be to see: Muhammad Ali cheering on his daughter; Paul McCartney burying the hatchet long enough to applaud his soon-to-be ex, Heather Mills (c’mon Sir Paul, if she wins “Dancing” and makes a lot of money, maybe you can cut back on the alimony payments). And Shannen Doherty to support ex-90210 castmate Ziering. And probably get into a hairpulling catfight with someone right there in the audience.
Sigh … a Serf can dream. In the meantime, start working on your cha cha Alice.
Thumbs Up or Down on Sherman?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The History Channel premiered a two-hour special Sunday night that cast General William Tecumseh Sherman in a more favorable light than many Southerners likely are accustomed to seeing. Not only did “Sherman’s March” depict the Ohio-born Union officer as something of a military genius for his effective deployment of a “total war” strategy (translation, he conquered Atlanta, burned large parts of it, then marched 60,000 men straight across Georgia, wreaking havoc and breaking the South’s emotional back by the time they got to Savannah).
The Serf was a bigger fan of the historical lessons imparted by “Sherman’s March” than by its cheesy reenactments and constant harping on what a great guy Sherman supposedly was. He saved Lincoln’s presidency, he and Grant were Best Friends Forever, his soldiers loved him so much they called him “Uncle Billy,” yada, yada, yada. The Serf is a Yankee, and even she thought it was a bit much!
But enough about me….Did you watch “Sherman’s March?” Did it change or reinforce your view of Sherman’s terrifying March to the Sea? And how’d you like the fact that the actor portraying the man who came down here and literally set this place on fire gave him a Southern accent? Some folks may have found it distracting. Whereas others may have considered it a case of Atlanta finally getting the last laugh on “Uncle Billy.”
Ellen DeGeneres and Laura Dern Reunite
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It appears Ellen DeGeneres wasn’t the only one who was “out” after the famous “The Puppy” episode of her sitcom aired 10 years ago. Academy Award-nominated actress Laura Dern didn’t get an acting job for over a year after guest-starring as the woman who helped DeGeneres’ character come to terms with her sexuality.
“There was certainly backlash, I guess, we all felt from it,” Dern tells DeGeneres in a taped interview to be broadcast on the latter’s talk show this Monday (April 23).
For you kids out there who are too young to remember, “The Puppy Episode” became a huge national talking point when it aired on April 30, 1997. On the popular ABC sitcom, “Ellen,” DeGeneres’s character had had a string of bad luck in business and with men when she fell for her boyfriend’s co-worker, played by Dern. “Ellen Morgan” became the first openly gay leading character on broadcast television and DeGeneres made even more headlines at the time by appearing as herself on the cover of Time magazine alongside the headline “Yep, I’m Gay.”
Some 42 million people watched “Ellen’s” so-called “coming out episode.” Considering that “Will & Grace” caused barely a ripple (other than laughter at its bawdy humor) when it debuted about 18 months later, it’s hard to imagine now the attention this event caused. But as both DeGeneres and Dern make clear when they get together to commemorate the episode’s 10th anniversary, not all the reaction was positive.
“I’m just learning this about you right now,” DeGeneres tells Dern and the audience in an advance transcript provided by the talk show. “I had backlash. I didn’t work for three years. I didn’t have one phone call for three years. But Laura … she didn’t work for a year and a half after that episode just because she was on the show. I had no idea.”
Says Dern: “We look now at something that would be completely the norm on television, which is the great news. You were the pioneer of that. But, the challenges in the moment, [the] ‘Where the hell did everybody go?’ It feels awfully terrifying.”
Fortunately, DeGeneres knows how to lighten the moment. After thanking Dern for being a part of that important moment 10 years ago, she jokingly informs everyone, “I’m not really gay. It was a ‘publicity’ thing.”
“The Ellen DeGeneres Show” airs weekdays at 5 p.m. on WGCL-TV in Atlanta.
“Dancing with the Surprises”
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Wow, that was close.
It came down to the lady who dances with a prosthetic leg … And the man who has no such similarly good excuse.
I know Heather Mills fell down during Monday night’s “Dancing with the Stars” performance. Still, you coulda knocked ME over with a feather Tuesday night when she wound up in the bottom two on the elimination show. The judges had been so — how shall I put this? — generous, with their scoring and compliments after her tumble that I figured she was safer than a mullet hairdo as a fashion choice at a Billy Ray Cyrus concert.
But first, likely cellar-dweller John Ratzenberger was cleared through to next week’s round, then the lead-footed Cyrus. And suddenly you had to wonder what was up in the Who’s Down sweepstakes.
The answer: Mills and Clyde Drexler, who’s performed every dance with the same self-aware awkwardness as a groom who’s taken just enough lessons to make it through the first waltz at his wedding reception. It seemed highly unlikely that Mills, who’s won over many with her chipper derring-do attitude in spite of her physical obstacle, would be the one to go. Then again, it seemed highly unlikely that Paul McCartney would’ve married her a few years ago. And we all know how that’s turned out.
Anyway, Drexler got the boot. No huge surprise, really, given his subterranean scores from the judges Monday. And the 6-foot-7 ex-NBA superstar proved himself a big man in every sense of the word, delivering a goodbye speech that was a thing of beauty in every way he never was on the dance floor.
So, goodbye Clyde the Glide. And welcome back Heather the Lucky. But you’d better up your game. Remember, hell has no fury like Beatles fans scorned. And with telephones they can use to dial in tons of votes for Billy Ray over you …
‘Dancing With the Stars’: Mars Needs Women!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Remember that cheesy old movie title? I couldn’t help thinking of it during Monday night’s edition of “Dancing With the Stars,” when it suddenly became clear how few female celebs are left in the competition — two — and how desperate ABC must be to keep them around.
How desperate? Well, Heather Mills fell down — and she still got very good scores. And Clyde Drexler was as mediocre as always — but his scores were so low this time, he practically ended up in the negative column. If they go any lower, he’ll have to give autographed basketballs and points TO the judges.
“They want him out. Giving him Master P type scores,” a veteran savvy “Dancing” observor Blackberried during Clyde’s performance to another veteran savvy observor, who in turn passed it along to the Serf. Maybe so, but viewer votes allowed Master P to survive a few rounds of those brutal judges’ scores, so their power only goes so far.
I am firmly convinced, however, that they have the power to keep Mills around for as long as they and ABC want her there. And after Monday night, it’s abundantly clear: They DO want her there. It’s not just that the network doesn’t want to have to promote four or five weeks of only male celebs out there Cha Cha-ing their semi-famous butts off. Mills makes for such a great storyline, she literally can do no wrong.
On the one hand, it’s completely understandable. Operating on a prosthetic leg below one knee, Mills is incredibly plucky and surprisingly talented. On the other hand … she FELL DOWN last night! I may not be an expert on ballroom dancing, but I do know a few things: You’re not supposed to wear a sleeveless lilac muscle top that lets your “Arthur Murray’s turning over in his grave”-esque tattoos show (yes, I’m talking about you, Billy Ray Cyrus). And you’re definitely not supposed to fall down. Yet not only was Mills’ gaffe not used against her in the final scoring. One of the judges actually admitted to giving Mills a better score because the slip reminded her of the obstacles she faces.
Is that fair? Does it even matter? Who knows. But as surely as Mars Needs Women, Mills will be with us for weeks to come. Count on it.
Olbermann Returns to Sports
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Keith Olbermann has been named co-host of NBC’s “Football Night in America,” muscling his way onto the already-crowded (and proverbial) studio couch already shared by Bob Costas, Cris Collinsworth, Jerome Bettis and Tiki Barber. It marks a return to regular TV sports work for the man generally credited with originating the now standard rollicking ESPN “Sports Center” format with co-host Dan Patrick from 1992-1997.
More recently, Olbermann has become well known as the co-host of the liberal-leaning “Countdown with Keith Olbermann” on MSNBC. The show’s popular nightly “Worst Person in the World” feature has spawned a book and an ongoing feud with perennial nominee Bill O’Reilly of Fox News. “Countdown’s” ratings have been climbing steadily, although they still trail time-slot opponent “The O’Reilly Factor.”
Olbermann recently signed a new four-year contract reportedly worth as much as $4 million a year, that would keep him doing “Countdown” and feature expanded duties with NBC News. The question now is, is $4 million enough incentive for Mr. Big Talk to look down at the field and declare some 350-pound lineman the “Worst Player in the World?”
Imus, Oprah and Spelman College
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Now that Don Imus has lost his job(s) and some of the most heated rhetoric over his racist and sexually offensive comment has died down, it’s time for a more thoughtful, “where do we go from here” discussion. And who better to start the talk ball rolling than Oprah Winfrey … with an assist from some Spelman women?
Monday’s edition of “The Oprah Winfrey Show” will feature a town hall meeting on the topic of whether mainstream culture will change as a result of the national outrage over Imus’s divisive remarks about the Rutgers women’s basketball team. Among the panelists appearing on “After Imus: Now What?” are music/fashion entrepreneur Russell Simmons, hip hop artist Common and sports columnist Jason Whitlock. Some current Spelman College students will also join the discussion by satellite from Atlanta, according to a Winfrey show release.
You may recall that it was some Spelman students who helped launch one of the first nationwide conversations about negative portrayals of women in popular music and videos back in 2004. When popular rap artist Nelly was scheduled to appear at the historically black women’s college for a bone marrow drive, a group of students protested because of sexually suggestive and demaning images of women in his video “Tip Drill.” One outcome was a forum, also attended by men from Morehouse College and other Atlanta University Center schools, at which rap lyrics, videos and exploitation of women were discussed.
“The Oprah Winfrey Show” airs at 4 p.m. on WSB-TV in Atlanta.
Discoursing with the Stars
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One contestant hauled out his 91-year-old mama to plead for votes for her little boy. Another one leaned his 6-foot-7 frame towards the camera and challenged a critical judge to “see him after the show.” And one of the professional dancers hid in the ladies room sobbing during a rehearsal with her clumsy partner.
With melodrama like that, who cares who danced well on “Dancing with the Stars?”
(Sigh. The Serf knows America has come to expect her expert analysis on all matters twinkle-toed, so here it is in a nutshell: Joey Fatone and Apollo Anton Ohno, very very good. Billy Ray Cyrus — aka, “He Who Made Her Cry” surprisingly energetic and improved. Heather Mills and Laila Ali only so-so, for them; John “Mama’s Boy” Ratzenberger pretty bad, and Clyde Drexler … well, let’s just say he was Clyde Drexler and leave it at that. Except for the way he called out creaky, cranky British judge Len Goodman for accusing him of “not even trying.”)
Not trying? Puh-leeze! Some of these folks may move like frightened kitty-kats on the dancer floor, but there’s no pussyfooting around verbally on “Dancing With the Stars.” At this point I don’t give a stinkin’ cha cha if Clyde can paso doble properly. Just keep him around so he’ll say things like this about the judges’ comments: “Rome wasn’t built overnight.”
No it wasn’t. And not in a day either. But Monday’s “Dancing” erected some awesome entertainment out of the participants’ mumblings. Here are my nominees for the five (OK, six) best lines uttered:
“Imagine the dance is like a juicy steak. You gave us a diet version.” — Judge Bruno Tonioli about Leeza Gibbons’ rather listless paso doble.
“Have you ever actually had diet steak?” — Host Tom Bergeron to Tonioli
“Deep inside I’m thinking, ‘What’s the big deal? I didn’t fall down.” — Drexler about the judges
“I know if I was like one of the greatest dancers in the world and all of a sudden I got Billy Ray Cyrus as a partner, I’d be disappointed too.” — Cyrus, while his partner Karina Smirnoff sniffled in the loo
“No gimmicks, no capes, no light saber. This week you danced to the Zorro theme and there was no Gay Blade.” — Co-host Samantha Harris to Fatone, who last week tangoed in a “Star Wars” getup
“You started like Mr. McDreamy. But you went to Mr. McStiffy. — Tonioli on Ian Ziering’s waltz. “What? What did I say?” Tonioli as the audience and his fellow judges began snickering
Cartoon Network, Georgia, Big-Time Peabody Winners
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Nothing embarrassing about this.
Some two months after a marketing plan for an upcoming movie caused a multimillion dollar bomb scare in Boston and plenty of red faces here, Cartoon Network came roaring back to win a prestigious Peabody Award Wednesday. The Atlanta-based network got the nod — its first ever — for the Martin Luther King episode of its provocative original animated series, “Boondocks.” The Peabody board cited as “especially daring” the show that imagined Dr. King awakening from a 32-year “coma” and reacting to all matter of modern cultural phenomena.
It was one of a handful of Atlanta-connected programs and people recognized for the 66th version of the oldest — and arguably most coveted — honor in electronic media. “Good Eats,” the Food Network program hosted by local “food scientist” and chef Alton Brown, also got the nod. So did “The Education of Ms. Grove,” a special “Dateline NBC” segment that focused on an idealistic young first-year middle school teacher in Atlanta.
“Rarely has science been taught on TV in such an entertaining — and appetizing — manner, the board said of Brown’s series, which it termed “goofy” and “tirelessly inventive.”
Founded in 1941 and administered by the University of Georgia’s Grady College of Journalism and Mass Communication, the Peabodys can truly be said to be based on merit. No set number of awards are handed out each year, nor are they given in particular categories. Sometimes, it’s an individual episode of a program or a special that’s recognized: HBO got two such nods Wednesday, for “Baghdad ER” and Spike Lee’s searing Hurricane Katrina documentary, “When The Levees Broke: A Requiem In Four Acts.”
Five scripted TV series also were recognized this year, and at least two of them proved the Peabody board doesn’t necessarily worry about ratings. Along with the pop culture hits “Ugly Betty” (ABC) and “The Office,” (NBC), the critically-acclaimed, but low-rated football drama “Friday Night Lights” won a Peabody.
“No dramatic series, broadcast or cable, is more grounded in contemporary American reality than this clear-eyed serial,” reads the citation for the NBC series that stars Georgia native Kyle Chandler.
Not many people watched “Brotherhood” when it debuted last summer on Showtime — although the AJC did name it the year’s top TV series. And on Wednesday, the Peabody board agreed, citing the emotional, explosive 10-part drama about siblings on opposite side of the law in Providence, R.I., for its “ strong sense of place” and expert presentation of “morally compromised pursuits of the American dream.”
In all, 36 Peabodys were awarded in categories ranging from TV and radio to web sites. One went to “The Duke Rape Case” report anchored by the late Ed Bradley on “60 Minutes.”
The awards will be presented June 4 at a luncheon at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York. Bob Costas will be master of ceremonies.
The Glide Slides….
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Clyde lives to Glide another day!
Popular opinion had it that Clyde Drexler was doomed to be Tuesday night’s “Dancing with the Stars” also-ran — but it was former Miss USA Shandi Finnessey who turned out to take the Dip From Which There Is No Return.
Frankly, I had no problem with that result. While the Professional Pretty Girl turned out to have more personality than I was thrilled to have to admit, her stiff arm and leg movements reminded me of that character beloved by elementary school kids, Flat Stanley. And after watching the poor girl perform practically nekkid two weeks in a row, I was afraid she was going to catch a bad cold….
On the other hand, the Shandi shunning was extremely unpopular within a certain sector of Serf-dom (aka a few of the male editors she sits near). As one of them said to me grumpily, “That really reduces the show’s T&A factor.” Maybe say, but has anyone seen the gams and sweet grin on Clyde?
Meanwhile, what I found more intriguing about this whole mess was that Leeezzza Gibbons was the other celebrity member of the bottom two on Tuesday. Not to get too deep in the weeds on this thing, but considering she tied for first in the judge’s scoring after Monday’s dance, that tells me she has very little fan voting base out there. Even AFTER (or maybe because) she kinda-sorta flashed America the area right above her boob.
A TV show where not even T&A can save you … This really IS a serious competition.
Throw the Bum Out!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
OK, I’ll admit it. What I know about ballroom dancing could fill Fred Astaire’s, er, shoe. And my dazzling show biz career began and ended with a starring role in “The Wizard’s Christmas” in fourth grade (my mother was willing to make the cape).
But I do know goofy when I see it. And (to quote the title of the song Heather Mills jived to on “Dancing with the Stars” Monday night), Can I get a witness? Joey Fatone took the Goofiness Cake.
DO cry for us, Argentina. Do not ask me to explain what Mr. ex-‘N Sync was thinking by appearing on “Dancing” in a Jedi warrior cloak and flailing a light saber around his poor partner’s head as they performed the … tango. The world’s most romantic, passionate dance, and all I could think of was that geeky guy on my high school AV squad who couldn’t find time to change his clothes for weeks, but COULD find time to see “Star Wars” something like 160 times.
The judges clearly all want parts in the next big George Lucas flick … er, what I mean to say is, the judges clearly saw something in it I didn’t, as they rewarded Joey and his Princess Leia-channeling partner with the night’s top score (actually, they finished in a tie with three other couples). Maybe they were blinded by the size of his rear end, which didn’t look so bad to me, but which the pros apparently found quite offensive:
Judge Len Goodman: “Your bum sticks out a bit.” Judge Bruno Tonioli: “Be careful sometimes with your bum.” Me: “But you had NO problem with a grown man bringing R2D2 to his rehearsal session?!”
Sigh. More and more it looks like Fatone and Mills are the top contenders, especially since the Serf’s personal favorites, Apolo Anton Ohno and Laila Ali, both admitted they didn’t practice enough and finished in the middle of the pack. As for Mills, the Almost Former Mrs. Paul not only performed a very credible jive, but she also needed to get a new prosthetic foot just so she could pull it off (the dance, not the foot, you sillies). Seriously, how can you beat that?
Hopefully not with your goofy bum sticking out.
TV’s Freakishly Full “Big Dance” Card
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Even Jack Bauer would have trouble keeping his wits about him during this action-packed hour.
It all goes down at 9 tonight. That’s when the NCAA basketball final (aka the final step in “The Big Dance”) takes on “Dancing with the Stars” in a head-to-head, mano-a-mambo showdown.
That’s right, TV fans, it’s dunks versus dips. Traveling calls versus quick-steps. Jim “Washington Generals” Nantz versus Tom “Harlem Globetrotters” Bergeron in the ultimate one-on-one contest of ad-libbing play-by-play guys.
What’s a redblooded American TV-viewer to do? Watch Florida-Ohio State live, and take a chance that Tivo will accidentally erase some priceless footage of Billy Ray Cyrus falling off the “Dancing” stage and fatally goring himself on Leeeeeza Gibbon’s enormous teeth? Or stick with “Dancing” (which starts at 8 p.m.) and miss seeing the first half of the game as it happens? Not to mention all those “typical” Atlanta scenes as CBS goes in-and-out of commercial breaks (the Serf has been parading up and down Peachtree Street in a hoop skirt with a giant “Hey, Y’all!” sign since Saturday, hoping to catch the eye of some gullible Yankee cameraman).
As a Paid TV-Watching Professional, I’m not sure how to handle tonight’s jampacked dance card. (Usually, I’d ask my Big Boss for advice. Why just last Monday night, she managed to watch “24,” Tivo “Dancing with the Stars” and e-mail me all at the same time. So she’s clearly good in a crisis. But she’s also a, uh, enthusiastic Florida grad, and I’m afraid if I even raise the possibility of skipping the game for “Dancing,” I’ll disappear into a Gator Chomp, never to be seen or heard from again.)
Only one thing’s for danged sure: “24” is plumb out of luck at 9 tonight. Who knows why Fox didn’t decide to pull it for dead air, or, worse, an original episode of “The War At Home” … The unfortunate truth is that Jack Bauer’s just going to have to bite the head off a terrorist, download top-secret Kremlin blueprints to his iPod and force the mighty Mississippi to change direction with his piercing blue-eyed stare without us for one week.
We’ve got something much more important to watch.
Just don’t ask us what that is yet.
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