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Tuesday, April 17, 2007
‘Dancing With the Stars’: Mars Needs Women!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Remember that cheesy old movie title? I couldn’t help thinking of it during Monday night’s edition of “Dancing With the Stars,” when it suddenly became clear how few female celebs are left in the competition — two — and how desperate ABC must be to keep them around.
How desperate? Well, Heather Mills fell down — and she still got very good scores. And Clyde Drexler was as mediocre as always — but his scores were so low this time, he practically ended up in the negative column. If they go any lower, he’ll have to give autographed basketballs and points TO the judges.
“They want him out. Giving him Master P type scores,” a veteran savvy “Dancing” observor Blackberried during Clyde’s performance to another veteran savvy observor, who in turn passed it along to the Serf. Maybe so, but viewer votes allowed Master P to survive a few rounds of those brutal judges’ scores, so their power only goes so far.
I am firmly convinced, however, that they have the power to keep Mills around for as long as they and ABC want her there. And after Monday night, it’s abundantly clear: They DO want her there. It’s not just that the network doesn’t want to have to promote four or five weeks of only male celebs out there Cha Cha-ing their semi-famous butts off. Mills makes for such a great storyline, she literally can do no wrong.
On the one hand, it’s completely understandable. Operating on a prosthetic leg below one knee, Mills is incredibly plucky and surprisingly talented. On the other hand … she FELL DOWN last night! I may not be an expert on ballroom dancing, but I do know a few things: You’re not supposed to wear a sleeveless lilac muscle top that lets your “Arthur Murray’s turning over in his grave”-esque tattoos show (yes, I’m talking about you, Billy Ray Cyrus). And you’re definitely not supposed to fall down. Yet not only was Mills’ gaffe not used against her in the final scoring. One of the judges actually admitted to giving Mills a better score because the slip reminded her of the obstacles she faces.
Is that fair? Does it even matter? Who knows. But as surely as Mars Needs Women, Mills will be with us for weeks to come. Count on it.
