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Discoursing with the Stars
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One contestant hauled out his 91-year-old mama to plead for votes for her little boy. Another one leaned his 6-foot-7 frame towards the camera and challenged a critical judge to “see him after the show.” And one of the professional dancers hid in the ladies room sobbing during a rehearsal with her clumsy partner.
With melodrama like that, who cares who danced well on “Dancing with the Stars?”
(Sigh. The Serf knows America has come to expect her expert analysis on all matters twinkle-toed, so here it is in a nutshell: Joey Fatone and Apollo Anton Ohno, very very good. Billy Ray Cyrus — aka, “He Who Made Her Cry” surprisingly energetic and improved. Heather Mills and Laila Ali only so-so, for them; John “Mama’s Boy” Ratzenberger pretty bad, and Clyde Drexler … well, let’s just say he was Clyde Drexler and leave it at that. Except for the way he called out creaky, cranky British judge Len Goodman for accusing him of “not even trying.”)
Not trying? Puh-leeze! Some of these folks may move like frightened kitty-kats on the dancer floor, but there’s no pussyfooting around verbally on “Dancing With the Stars.” At this point I don’t give a stinkin’ cha cha if Clyde can paso doble properly. Just keep him around so he’ll say things like this about the judges’ comments: “Rome wasn’t built overnight.”
No it wasn’t. And not in a day either. But Monday’s “Dancing” erected some awesome entertainment out of the participants’ mumblings. Here are my nominees for the five (OK, six) best lines uttered:
“Imagine the dance is like a juicy steak. You gave us a diet version.” — Judge Bruno Tonioli about Leeza Gibbons’ rather listless paso doble.
“Have you ever actually had diet steak?” — Host Tom Bergeron to Tonioli
“Deep inside I’m thinking, ‘What’s the big deal? I didn’t fall down.” — Drexler about the judges
“I know if I was like one of the greatest dancers in the world and all of a sudden I got Billy Ray Cyrus as a partner, I’d be disappointed too.” — Cyrus, while his partner Karina Smirnoff sniffled in the loo
“No gimmicks, no capes, no light saber. This week you danced to the Zorro theme and there was no Gay Blade.” — Co-host Samantha Harris to Fatone, who last week tangoed in a “Star Wars” getup
“You started like Mr. McDreamy. But you went to Mr. McStiffy. — Tonioli on Ian Ziering’s waltz. “What? What did I say?” Tonioli as the audience and his fellow judges began snickering
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Rumple
April 10, 2007 11:40 AM | Link to this
snore, fart, snore
By Greg
April 10, 2007 1:25 PM | Link to this
No Shandi, No care. She is the sizzle in the steak. Dancing? Just hit “pause” and daydream!
By OHmy GOD
April 10, 2007 1:43 PM | Link to this
This show is too ‘FUNNY’. It doesn’t even reach a number (1) on my scale. “OUCH”.
By who cares
April 10, 2007 1:47 PM | Link to this
Another popularity contest where the black athlete wins whether he can dance or not-FIXED. I’d rather watch wrestling.
By dan
April 10, 2007 2:06 PM | Link to this
Forget all the judges comments, forget all the clumsy, missed dance steps, forget “the bad girls videos”, forget the spring break videos, but I will remember all the “sexy” bodies of the female dancers on this show, expecially Leeza’s!!! And most of the “ladies” really know how to “move” their bodies for “audience appeal”.
By carol
April 10, 2007 2:42 PM | Link to this
to Who Cares: When was the guy that won last time from Saved by the Bell a black athlete?
By lon
April 10, 2007 3:38 PM | Link to this
Carol,
Mario Lopez (Saved by the bell) lost to Emmitt Smith, which was the ONLY time a black athlete even won. So I don’t get Who Cares’s comment.
By El Profesor
April 10, 2007 4:06 PM | Link to this
I think the costumes are to die for!!!! I’m a big fan of teh fatone!
And the girls look good two!
By this place
April 10, 2007 4:06 PM | Link to this
Why in this state is race always the first thing to be mentioned? People grow up. Lets start looking at people for their character or gifts instead of skin color. Please
By George
April 10, 2007 4:31 PM | Link to this
By this place, do you really want an answer to your question? All you need to do is look at the headline from the front page that reads “Turner Co. High to Hold Integrated Prom.” It’s 2007 and something like that is NEWS? Sheesh…
By Patrick Romano AKA "WAR DAMN EAGLE"
April 10, 2007 4:37 PM | Link to this
GET A LIFELOSERS