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Monday, April 2, 2007
Throw the Bum Out!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
OK, I’ll admit it. What I know about ballroom dancing could fill Fred Astaire’s, er, shoe. And my dazzling show biz career began and ended with a starring role in “The Wizard’s Christmas” in fourth grade (my mother was willing to make the cape).
But I do know goofy when I see it. And (to quote the title of the song Heather Mills jived to on “Dancing with the Stars” Monday night), Can I get a witness? Joey Fatone took the Goofiness Cake.
DO cry for us, Argentina. Do not ask me to explain what Mr. ex-‘N Sync was thinking by appearing on “Dancing” in a Jedi warrior cloak and flailing a light saber around his poor partner’s head as they performed the … tango. The world’s most romantic, passionate dance, and all I could think of was that geeky guy on my high school AV squad who couldn’t find time to change his clothes for weeks, but COULD find time to see “Star Wars” something like 160 times.
The judges clearly all want parts in the next big George Lucas flick … er, what I mean to say is, the judges clearly saw something in it I didn’t, as they rewarded Joey and his Princess Leia-channeling partner with the night’s top score (actually, they finished in a tie with three other couples). Maybe they were blinded by the size of his rear end, which didn’t look so bad to me, but which the pros apparently found quite offensive:
Judge Len Goodman: “Your bum sticks out a bit.” Judge Bruno Tonioli: “Be careful sometimes with your bum.” Me: “But you had NO problem with a grown man bringing R2D2 to his rehearsal session?!”
Sigh. More and more it looks like Fatone and Mills are the top contenders, especially since the Serf’s personal favorites, Apolo Anton Ohno and Laila Ali, both admitted they didn’t practice enough and finished in the middle of the pack. As for Mills, the Almost Former Mrs. Paul not only performed a very credible jive, but she also needed to get a new prosthetic foot just so she could pull it off (the dance, not the foot, you sillies). Seriously, how can you beat that?
Hopefully not with your goofy bum sticking out.
