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Sunday, April 1, 2007
TV’s Freakishly Full “Big Dance” Card
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Even Jack Bauer would have trouble keeping his wits about him during this action-packed hour.
It all goes down at 9 tonight. That’s when the NCAA basketball final (aka the final step in “The Big Dance”) takes on “Dancing with the Stars” in a head-to-head, mano-a-mambo showdown.
That’s right, TV fans, it’s dunks versus dips. Traveling calls versus quick-steps. Jim “Washington Generals” Nantz versus Tom “Harlem Globetrotters” Bergeron in the ultimate one-on-one contest of ad-libbing play-by-play guys.
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What’s a redblooded American TV-viewer to do? Watch Florida-Ohio State live, and take a chance that Tivo will accidentally erase some priceless footage of Billy Ray Cyrus falling off the “Dancing” stage and fatally goring himself on Leeeeeza Gibbon’s enormous teeth? Or stick with “Dancing” (which starts at 8 p.m.) and miss seeing the first half of the game as it happens? Not to mention all those “typical” Atlanta scenes as CBS goes in-and-out of commercial breaks (the Serf has been parading up and down Peachtree Street in a hoop skirt with a giant “Hey, Y’all!” sign since Saturday, hoping to catch the eye of some gullible Yankee cameraman).
As a Paid TV-Watching Professional, I’m not sure how to handle tonight’s jampacked dance card. (Usually, I’d ask my Big Boss for advice. Why just last Monday night, she managed to watch “24,” Tivo “Dancing with the Stars” and e-mail me all at the same time. So she’s clearly good in a crisis. But she’s also a, uh, enthusiastic Florida grad, and I’m afraid if I even raise the possibility of skipping the game for “Dancing,” I’ll disappear into a Gator Chomp, never to be seen or heard from again.)
Only one thing’s for danged sure: “24” is plumb out of luck at 9 tonight. Who knows why Fox didn’t decide to pull it for dead air, or, worse, an original episode of “The War At Home” … The unfortunate truth is that Jack Bauer’s just going to have to bite the head off a terrorist, download top-secret Kremlin blueprints to his iPod and force the mighty Mississippi to change direction with his piercing blue-eyed stare without us for one week.
We’ve got something much more important to watch.
Just don’t ask us what that is yet.
