Jane Peterson waited 27 years for her daughter's ivory dream to come alive. And what a bash it was.

Glamorous nuptials in an East Point church, a $1,000 cake layered with cherry and lemon mousse, a ritzy reception at the airport Renaissance Concourse hotel topped off by a Caribbean honeymoon.

LOUIE FAVORITE/STAFF (ENLARGE)
Jane Peterson (left) borrowed from her 401(k) and used credit cards to help pay for daughter Natalie Crawford's 'wedding of a lifetime.'
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FORUM: Wedding bill blues Do you think you spent too much for your wedding? Would you do things differently in retrospect? Do men and women view wedding expenses differently, or did it cause any friction in your relationship? Do you have any cost-saving tips for others? Or does the best advice boil down to one word: 'elope'? Tell us what you think

"We wanted her to have the wedding of a lifetime," said Peterson, who works at Delta Employees Credit Union. "She didn't go to college, so we thought we'd spend it on this. We felt like it was something we couldn't do without."

But it was a vision endorsed by Visa. And MasterCard. Not to mention a 401(k) loan with a dash of savings.

Seven months later, the joy is tinged with regret.

Congratulations, Petersons!

Now fork it over.

The wedding bill blues are a-ringin' in the form of credit card expenses and debt for countless couples and parents like the Petersons.

Bride's magazine estimates the average wedding costs $21,000. Add this to the wickedly high credit card balances Atlantans already shoulder — an average of $4,600, 15 percent more than the national average in 2002 — and it hardly seems like a recipe for marital bliss.

"It's something we can handle, but we'd like to not have the large credit card bills," said Peterson, whose daughter, Natalie Crawford, lives in Stockbridge. "It makes your vacations a little smaller. You just have to sacrifice."

Plenty of couples can commiserate. Some are lamenting even before taking their vows.

Adrienne Wallace, 36, of Norcross is planning to walk down the aisle later this month in Hawaii.

Everything — from the minister to the champagne — was prepaid on credit cards. All $13,500 of it.

She's having second thoughts already, wondering if she should have had the ceremony "right here and had a nice honeymoon."

A bad beginning

Cash concerns are often the top problem for couples and one of the prominent factors in divorce. Jacking up debt before the "I do's" certainly won't make it any easier.

"This whole wedding thing has gotten out of hand," said Dr. D. Charles Williams, a family and marriage therapist in Dunwoody. "It's an awful way to start a marriage. The first year of marriage is just a challenge and a half."

The result: newlyweds frustrated with work who can't quit and can't even take the time for — or afford — a weekend getaway, he said.

Wedding-advice Web site TheKnot.com conducted a survey in April for Bank of America that polled more than 1,200 site members on the financial obstacles of planning the big event. The results:

• 70 percent planned to spend $10,000 or more on their wedding.

• 24 percent planned on taking out a loan to pay for their union.

• More than 30 percent of engaged couples were fully funding their wedding.

• More than 15 percent planned to pay for their wedding with credit cards.

Conversely, only about one-third of these newlyweds own a home.

So the question for those who don't have the cash: The cupid fountain that tinkles champagne now; or living in a hovel in years to come?

"Is it debt you really want to be schlepping down the aisle with?" asked Susan Hirshman, financial planning strategist with JPMorgan Fleming in New York. "If I spend $75,000 on a wedding today, does that mean I can't buy a house in five years? Eight years?

"What is your priority? You can't look at one moment in time."

Credit cards, Hirshman said, are often the worst way to pay for nuptials, due to the high interest and late-payment fees.

If a couple is determined to spend beyond the cash they have, they might consider a home equity credit line — the interest is often tax-deductible — family loans or, as a last resort, borrowing against a retirement plan.

Steven Pybrum, author of "Money and Marriage for Engaged Couples" (Abundance Publishing, $17.95), recommends that those already in debt steer far from wedding debt.

"If you go a little into debt and the debt goes away in four or five months, that might be fine," he said.

If either of the pair already spends too much time with the credit card, it's a red flag.

"It could be the next way of getting what they want right now," Pybrum said.

'All about choices'

The point is to determine whether the pricey details are worth the finanical stress months or years later.

"Very few people can accomplish everything they want, even the wealthy," Hirshman said. "It's all about choices. I'd personally rather have better flowers and a DJ vs. [having] a band."

Ivy McFarland of White and her husband, Michael, took out a loan for their wedding last month but won't be searching for quarters under the couch cushions to make payments.

The $7,000 McFarland borrowed may appear modest, but she stretched the cash with elbow grease and creativity. "I don't regret it at all," said the 26-year-old. "Every little penny was worth it."

Among the clever cost-cutting measures: She made her invitations, adorned with bows; printed her own programs; and assembled flower arrangements with petals purchased at Costco. Instead of an expensive church rental, her ceremony was held in a Cartersville museum.

McFarland may be mature for her age.

Couples marrying in their 30s or later tend to prioritize with an eye to the future instead of concentrating on one lavish moment.

"If they're paying for it by themselves, they realize it's an option that they have. But realistically, they don't want to go into debt to fund a big party," said Mary Ellen Garrett, first vice president of investments at Merrill Lynch in Atlanta. "If it's Mom and Dad's money, it might be a little different."

Or if the occasion — idealized for many since childhood — is just too integral to everyone's happiness.

"It depends on how important having the memory is," said Beverly Clark, author of "Planning a Wedding to Remember," who also offers her own line of wedding products. "A lot of people who don't do anything really regret it down the road. On the other hand, people should be realistic."

And here's a novel idea: Plan ahead.

Help from the pros

Consumer Credit Counseling Service of Atlanta offers free advice on ways to pay for a wedding without struggling years later. It's also a refuge for many couples recovering from a financial post-wedding hangover.

Sue Hunt, counseling manager at CCCS, said the agency helps about 20 people a month with this burden.

The worst case Hunt has seen: A newlywed couple moved to Atlanta from New York with $20,000 on one credit card, all wedding debt. "What a way to start it," she said. "The wedding of their dreams turned into the debt problem of their nightmares."

Hirshman, a pragmatic romantic, offers a nugget of cynical advice:

"It's not always a lifetime thing, so save a little for your second or third [wedding]," she said.

Peterson's rationale: The bills would erode, but the memories will remain.

Even as Visa reminds her monthly that it's time to pay that $500 for the reception-hall seat covers, her regrets are eclipsed by her child's happiness.

"My daughter was happy and loved every minute of it," Peterson said. "I'd do a few things different. You learn."

SAYING 'I DON'T' TO A MOUNTAIN OF BILLS

Here are a few tips for couples who are getting ready to take the plunge but don't want to drown in debt:

• Communicate, and evaluate priorities. Sit down and discuss your ideas for the wedding. Make sure you talk about everything, including location, flowers, dress, rings, entertainment, food, photography, transportation and honeymoon.

• Compromise to stay within budget. Once you have nailed down the details, determine the total cost of a prioritized list. If the total is more than you can afford, cut back or eliminate those items low on your priority list.

• Avoid going into debt to finance your wedding. If you don't take that advice, cancel plans for additional debt, such as buying a car. If you cannot afford a splashy event, consider a simple civil ceremony. Or, if a fabulous wedding is important, prolong your engagement until you can save for it.

Source: Consumer Credit Counseling Service of Atlanta