Dayton Daily News education reporter Scott Elliott writes about schools, kids, teaching and learning.
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Sunday, April 2, 2006
Handling the death of a pet
In the past week, a work friend and I both faced a tough situation with our children — the death of a beloved family pet.
This can be a shocking and sad time for kids, and a challenge for parents. Particularly tough is the question of what to tell them and when and how to help them deal with their grief.
About 18 months ago, the first of our three cats died, and the timing could not have been worse. Our family was headed out of town on a weekend trip with friends. My wife had noticed our oldest cat had been acting strangely so she arranged to board her at the vet so they could check her out and she would have someone to keep an eye on her. But an hour after she dropped the cat off, the vet called with the bad news. The cat was very ill and they were recommending euthanasia.
Normally, I favor honesty with the kids in nearly all circumstances. But this was a tough one. We were afraid the news would ruin the weekend for the kids. So we didn’t tell them until we got back. And that was tough. They scurried into the house to find the cats and our middle child, then 4, came back concerned because she couldn’t find one of them.
We sat her down with her sisters (then ages 6 and 2) and told them the cat had died just before we left. They were shocked and disbelieving, summed up by the four year old’s question — “Is this a trick?”
My wife printed out pictures of the cat that they carried around with them for weeks. They also drew dozens of pictures of her and talked about her unceasingly. I’d say it took a solid two months for them to really get used to the idea that their cat had died.
But that fairly recent experience seemed to help the kids this time around. The second cat’s death was also sudden, but they seemed far less disturbed by it. I found them often answering their own questions about death when we talked about it.
Helpful to us in both cases was a really excellent childrens’ book called Cat Heaven. It’s aimed at ages seven and under, but the book would be a comforting read for mourning pet owners of any age.
In fact, my wife recently gave the accompanying book Dog Heaven by the same author for a friend at work who suffered through along illness with her pet.
Any other advice for parents to help their kids deal with the loss of a pet?
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